Question
I have been married for thirteen years and love my husband very much. Nevertheless, I feel that he has given up on me and the family. His work consumes him and he hardly spends any time with the family. He has stopped going to Mass and refuses to have anything to do with Mass. He says he loves me but his actions fail to show it. I would like your advice.
Response
Has he explained why he sees no value in the Mass? It sounds as if something has happened that has turned him off to it. Often changes in practice are due to anger or to a loss of faith or because something has happened that clashes with the values of the Gospel and brings unwanted guilt. You mention it within the context of his disassociation from the family and his failure to express his love to you. Dialogue with him about the situation is the first course. It appears that there may be a secret eating away at him. Lacking details I am fearful of suggesting various possibilities, but I am sure that you have speculated yourself about what might have caused this change. Answers might not be forthcoming. Would he be resistant to counseling? Marriages should be happy and nurturing. Unfortunately, something can happen to change that. Continue to love him and to be faithful, even if you have to carry a cross in the relationship. The obligations of marriage always mean sacrifice and sometimes weigh heavier upon one spouse than another. I knew one woman who loved her husband even though he showed little feeling and few gestures of tenderness and intimacy. She gave 100% and he maybe gave 10%. He worked and provided for the family— but he was cold. He refused to change but she never gave up on him. Returning to your situation, I will keep you, your family and your husband in prayer.
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