Blogger Priest

Question

I do not know what to do. It came to light about a year ago that my husband of almost 40 years stole money from an extended family member. Two of my adult children thought I was also involved, even though I was not. They are very angry. We lost our home and the equity in our home. He is currently paying restitution. Through prayer God helped me to be able to forgive my husband, even though my siblings and children could not understand how. I did get a legal separation to protect myself financially; however we still live in the same apartment. It has been a very difficult year. It has now come to light that he has stolen money from these two children as well. Worse yet, they think I am involved. I am deeply sick over this. They have written both of us out of their lives. Angry at my husband, I have no more respect for him.

We were married in the Church and I have always tried to be faithful to my vows. But now he has cost me my good name and my children with their families. I cannot stop crying. I want to leave, but then I think of my vows. It is clear that my husband has an addiction to spending. He says he is very sorry, but at this point, no one is listening. I need to hear some sound Catholic advice.

Response

Communicate honestly and clearly where you stand with everything that has happened. Given that you were unaware of your husband’s deception and larceny, express both your innocence and the pain that you feel as a wife and mother. Share your poignant words to me with them.

You cannot control their response. They are rightfully very angry and disappointed. The violation of trust is a wound that takes time to mend.  Even if they turn away from you, let them know that you will always love them. While your husband has sacrificed any earned respect, you are right about the vows. They were made “for better or for worse.” The worse is now upon you. The loss of home, family and security strips everything to the bare bones. Running away from him and the situation would not make matters any better. Our Lord was betrayed by Judas for the cost of silver. He was marked by a kiss and falsely charged. Jesus endured his passion and death to redeem us. Jesus never stopped loving or forgiving us. We are urged to take up our crosses and to follow him. I am sorry that there is no easy answer. I will keep you and the family in prayer.

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Question

I have been teaching catechesis for the past eight years. Recently I was requested to prepare a twelve year old boy with Autism for his First Communion.  I told my coordinator that I was not trained to teach Special Needs children.  I became upset because I do not have the confidence and knowledge of what to teach.  He insisted that I could do it and that I should pray and trust in God.  He said there is no one else and that I am the most suitable person.  I really do not feel I am able to do it.  This is making me feel very guilty.  I really do not want to disappoint my Parish priest and the family.  What should I do?  Should I go ahead and try to help the boy?

Response

One of my first ministries, back when I was a teenage seminarian, was to teach the catechism to intellectually challenged children at a facility in Ebensburg, Pennsylvania. I had no formal training. I was fresh out of high school. First, I did not panic. Secondly, I sought advice and guidance from people who already did such work. Third, I assessed the various needs for each of the children (they were not the same). Fourth, I sought to form a friendly relationship with them. I used images and employed a great deal of repetition. I tried to make the learning fun, even turning the study into a game with cards. As a kid I loved comics— and I used a comic book about Jesus with one young girl. Her language skills were poor but she loved pictures. Some liked to draw and color. The bishop was generous and told us that the children could receive the Eucharist if they could identify Holy Communion as Jesus. That is where I placed the emphasis. I would show a picture of the host and then an image of our Lord. I did the best I could. That is all the Pastor is asking of you. Parishes that have special education teachers are surely blessed; but most church communities must do without. You have decided to be a catechist. That means that you are called to teach children— not just the kids judged smart or quick, but also those viewed as slow or who process information differently. These children have as much a right to the faith and to your services as any other. If you were a parent, would you neglect a special child for those deemed “normal”? Push yourself and show everyone that inclusion matters. Every child is precious and irreplaceable. Every child has something to share. Give of yourself so that the “special” child may make a gift of himself for you to know.

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Question

At the presentation what did Simeon mean when he told Mary, “…and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed” (Luke 2:35)?

Response

First, many had hoped in silence that the Messiah might come and liberate them. Jews kept this hope silent in that those who occupied their land might not respond well to such a promise of restoration. Her Son would have many come forward and proclaim him as the Messiah and Christ. Second, Mary is viewed by the Church as our greatest intercessory saint. While all prayer is ultimately directed to almighty God, we offer intentions, pray the Hail Mary and make many other orations to her as our spiritual Mother. This prophecy is fulfilled in the role that Mary plays in the Catholic faith.

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Question

If Jesus be God and is morally perfect, then how do you explain his overt anger in the New Testament? Further, if wrath is a sin that what about the many passages in the Old Testament where it speaks about the wrath of God?

Response

Jesus is a divine Person. He is the Divine Mercy and the Divine Justice. Often the issue with human anger is that it takes unto itself that which belongs to God (see Deuteronomy 1:26-46; Joshua 7:1; Psalm 2:1-6; and Zephaniah 1:14-15). However, in this case, we are probably also talking about righteous indignation. There is a difference between an irrational emotion and that which emerges from a sense of justice and goodness.

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Question

I was recently told that Catholics are forbidden from attending the weddings of gay couples.  Is this true? While very rare in the past, with changes in the laws, these celebrations are becoming far more common.  We might have reservations about homosexuality but many of us have gay friends and family.  We would not want to hurt them or come across as bigots.  What should we do?

Response

A similar question arises when Catholic heterosexuals attempt marriage outside the Church.  Of course, we are still talking about what we consider a natural bond.  The Church does not explicitly forbid Catholics from attending a marriage presumed as invalid. One would have to make a personal judgment in conscience, weighing the possibility of scandal and undermining the dignity of marriage as sacred. If you should decide that as a matter of principle you cannot attend or participate, then you should be honest with the couple and affirm your love and prayers for them. Given marriage is strongly defined by the Church as a bond between a man and woman that is open to human generation, the fidelity of spouses and a unity realized by corporeal complementarity; I see no way that one might attend or celebrate a “same-sex” marriage without compromising an essential teaching of Catholic moral and sacramental doctrine. In other words, if you believe what the Church teaches, it would be impossible to attend as a good Catholic.

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Question

I am in a support group that is for victim survivors of abuse by clergy and religious. My experience has led me to see demonic roots to this type of abuse. It is imperative that the victim get counseling. Should they not also get some form of deliverance-healing? I feel the ties to the demonic need to be broken.

Response

Yes, I agree. While not excusing the sins of men, I would also see the devil’s hand in all this. The victims need healing of the mind and soul. While they can never be returned to ministry, abusers also need treatment and deliverance from the demonic. The abuser also needs punishment.  Justice must be satisfied.  Those who would excuse or rationalize away such crimes are similarly in need of liberation from the darkness that can only be dispelled by the LIGHT of Christ. It has been said that if the devil truly wanted to hurt the Church, he would target the priests. It is vital that priests should be holy men who live out the truth, make possible the forgiveness of sins and bring the nurturing and healing graces of the Eucharist to God’s people.

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Question

My husband went to confession last week and the priest asked him very direct questions about whether he had watched pornography. My husband was not very bothered about the question but I am unhappy. I feel that priests should not ask questions to get you to admit sins. Now I feel uncomfortable at church. Is this a normal question for a priest to ask?

Response

First, it is best that penitents not discuss their confessions with others because a priest is under the seal and cannot defend himself.

Second, if he told you what transpired, then you have a certain liberty to talk with him or to anonymously explore the issue; however, if it be something you overheard while your husband was in confession, then you would be under the seal as well (and could not bring it up).

Third, the questions that a priest asks are often based upon the sins normally confessed. A priest might ask about pornography because many other sins are associated with it. Withholding a mortal sin is also a mortal sin so the penitent would best confess such a sin without too much prodding.

Answering your question, yes it is an appropriate question. The sins we are uncomfortable in admitting are precisely the sins that should be confessed to a priest. He wants to insure that the penitent makes a good confession.  Purposely retaining a mortal sin would in itself constitute sacrilege which is also mortal. Be thankful that the priest helped your husband to receive God’s mercy.  This is far more important than any embarrassment or discomfort you might now feel in church.

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Question

My husband hits, shoves, and gets in my face when he is angry. Last night he ripped the covers off the bed and threatened to beat me for making him angry. He keeps telling me that if I leave he will kill himself. He says he will try harder to keep me locked in (take the car keys, block the door, install cameras, etc.). He is only like this when he gets mad, but then he starts hitting his head on the wall or other forms of violence for “hurting me in the first place.” He leaves things undone for months and when I go to pick up or do the job myself, he gets angry. One time he thought I was throwing out his computer games and so he ran up and started hitting me. I am not sure what to do. Do I seek counseling? Would it be a sin for me to leave him?  What if he really did kill himself? If I left would the authorities take our child?  Would they accuse me of kidnapping? I feel trapped. All he wants to do is control me.  When I ask him what is wrong he says that he is too busy with work.  They work him very hard for little pay. He comes home tired and then only wants to watch TV or play on the computer.

He went to talk with a priest and he came home acting very nice and sorry for his actions. Things were fine for about two weeks and then they slowly went back to the way they used to be.

Response

Look at this situation for what it really is. Your husband needs serious help and you are endangered. He is an abuser. You state that your husband…

• Hits
• Shoves
• Gets in your face when angry
• Ripped the covers off the bed
• Threatened to beat you for making him angry
• Says that if you leave he will kill himself
• Says he will try harder to keep you locked in
• Hits his head on the wall for “hurting” you
• Leaves things undone
• Gets upset when you do his job yourself
• He ran up and started hitting you

Seriously, look at this list!  Do you have family that would take you in for a while? He needs counseling. Given his violence, you would be within your rights to report him to the authorities. What he is doing to you is criminal. I think you have to protect yourself and your child. Your husband is out of control and dangerous. If you are worried that he would claim spousal kidnapping then a police report would help your argument. Talk with the local social services for direction in your area. It would also be good to get a list of people who have witnessed his bad behavior. Do not accept lame excuses about work, no matter how badly he is paid. Poor people are not necessarily bullies. You feel that you are at a loss because you are afraid of doing what must be done. No one, not even your husband has the right to verbally and physically assault you. If he touches you again in a violent way, call the police and send him to jail. But given what he has done already, I still think it would be better for you and the child to find a safe haven while he learns to deal with his problem.

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