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No One Has a Right to Hurt You

downloadQuestion

My husband hits, shoves, and gets in my face when he is angry. Last night he ripped the covers off the bed and threatened to beat me for making him angry. He keeps telling me that if I leave he will kill himself. He says he will try harder to keep me locked in (take the car keys, block the door, install cameras, etc.). He is only like this when he gets mad, but then he starts hitting his head on the wall or other forms of violence for “hurting me in the first place.” He leaves things undone for months and when I go to pick up or do the job myself, he gets angry. One time he thought I was throwing out his computer games and so he ran up and started hitting me. I am not sure what to do. Do I seek counseling? Would it be a sin for me to leave him?  What if he really did kill himself? If I left would the authorities take our child?  Would they accuse me of kidnapping? I feel trapped. All he wants to do is control me.  When I ask him what is wrong he says that he is too busy with work.  They work him very hard for little pay. He comes home tired and then only wants to watch TV or play on the computer.

He went to talk with a priest and he came home acting very nice and sorry for his actions. Things were fine for about two weeks and then they slowly went back to the way they used to be.

Response

Look at this situation for what it really is. Your husband needs serious help and you are endangered. He is an abuser. You state that your husband…

  • Hits
  • Shoves
  • Gets in your face when angry
  • Ripped the covers off the bed
  • Threatened to beat you for making him angry
  • Says that if you leave he will kill himself
  • Says he will try harder to keep you locked in
  • Hits his head on the wall for “hurting” you
  • Leaves things undone
  • Gets upset when you do his job yourself
  • He ran up and started hitting you

Seriously, look at this list!  Do you have family that would take you in for a while? He needs counseling. Given his violence, you would be within your rights to report him to the authorities. What he is doing to you is criminal. I think you have to protect yourself and your child. Your husband is out of control and dangerous. If you are worried that he would claim spousal kidnapping then a police report would help your argument. Talk with the local social services for direction in your area. It would also be good to get a list of people who have witnessed his bad behavior. Do not accept lame excuses about work, no matter how badly he is paid. Poor people are not necessarily bullies. You feel that you are at a loss because you are afraid of doing what must be done. No one, not even your husband has the right to verbally and physically assault you. If he touches you again in a violent way, call the police and send him to jail. But given what he has done already, I still think it would be better for you and the child to find a safe haven while he learns to deal with his problem.

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