Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Joseph P. Clossey, on April 25, 2016 at 7:36 pm said:

Good afternoon Father. Here is a question that has caused some difference of opinion within our family. My brother has a Jewish friend. When the friend attends family events in our church, such as weddings and funerals, he wears a religious cap. Not just a yarmulke, but a full, ear to ear, white knit cap. While this would be fine and expected in a synagogue, I find it disrespectful and inappropriate in a Catholic Church; similar to wearing a baseball cap. My sister, who is in a religious order, says it is fine for someone to wear their particular religious garments in any house of worship. I believe this would be like me bringing a baked ham to a synagogue. If I am wrong, please let me know before I say something at our next family event. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: While the custom in Catholic churches is for men to take off hats and (traditionally) for women to wear veils, we respect (as guests) the sensitivities of Jewish and Islamic men with religious head coverings. Non-Catholic men who just wear hats for style or to protect from the sun or elements, should remove them. The Kippah (with or without tassels) is required when Jewish men enter into prayer. Thus your brother’s Jewish friend is showing respect to your church and its ritual by regarding it as a true occasion for prayer to the one true God. Thus your sister, in this instance, is correct.
Patrick G, on April 25, 2016 at 2:37 am said:

Dear Father,

During my confirmation today I got nervous while approaching the Bishop and forgot and mixed up the lines of “Amen” and “And with your spirit”. The Bishop seemed very insulted (at least I thought so), and I was crushed. I had memorized those lines but the pressure of going up to the Bishop caused me to forget. Is this something I should be worried about? Did I mess up my confirmation?

Thanks,
-Patrick G

FATHER JOE: Do not be upset. I am sure he understood your nervousness. The responses to not affect the confirmation. You are CONFIRMED. Congratulations! Your baptism has been confirmed. You have received a fuller share of the Holy Spirit. You have completed your initiation into the Church. Now take advantage of the graces given by the sacrament to be a good and faithful disciple of Christ. Peace!
Jenny, on April 25, 2016 at 2:10 am said:

Hello Father,

I hope you are well? I have a question that has been playing on my mind and I can’t seem to figure it out. I wanted to ask if it was a sin as a Catholic to attend a Pentecostal Church. I live in England now but I was brought up and taught about the Catholic faith in Nigeria and it didn’t take long to realize how different things were. Back in Nigeria, the masses were very lively, with lots of singing, dancing, praise and worship which is probably a cultural addition to the Mass. On moving, I found myself in a slightly weird position because I wanted to sing, praise and worship more than what was permitted at Mass so I looked into joining Catholic Charismatic groups without much luck. Recently, a friend of mine invited me to her Pentecostal Church with a strong Nigerian community and after the singing and dancing and prayer I left completely euphoric so I have attended a few more times simply because I enjoyed it. I should add, that I don’t participate in their communion, I still attend Mass as I always have and I know the value of being a Catholic so I have no intention to leave the Church whatsoever, I simply enjoy the praise, worship and prayer and then go home. Is this wrong? Am I sinning by doing this?

FATHER JOE: It would be preferable if you could find a Catholic community with the accidentals that move and excite you. However, as long as you participate at Mass on Sunday then you are fulfilling your obligation as a Catholic. Your attendance at a Pentecostal church might be tolerated as long as you are not swayed by preaching and song lyrics that challenge your Catholic faith. However, you must be guarded about these things. Constant exposure to non-Catholic elements might have a negative impact upon you and your Catholic faith. While certain denominations are respectful of Catholics, you should not attend or participate if the community attacks or directly preaches against Catholicism. Not knowing the particular faith community, that is about all I can say.
Liv Rose (@oliviarose_art), on April 25, 2016 at 12:09 am said:

Father, I would like to be a priest, but I am a girl. I have always felt that our Lord is calling me to become a priest and change the ways of the Church here on Earth. I’ve heard the reasoning for why women are not priests, but I still feel that that’s what He wants me to do. What should I do? Do you have any advice?

FATHER JOE:

First, I want to commend you as a person for whom your faith and relationship with the Lord matters. Each of us has vocations within vocations, beginning with our baptismal calling as Christian disciples. We are all commissioned as heralds of Christ’s kingdom breaking into the world.

Second, the chief emphasis of the priesthood is upon sacramental ministry, particularly the forgiveness of sins and the sacrifice of the Mass. Because of the priest’s strict identification with the incarnate Christ and the consistent pattern given by Jesus extending back to the apostles, the late Pope John Paul II defined that only men could be ordained. He argued that even he had no authority to change the practice due to what was revealed and the long-standing sacred tradition.

Third, you may very well be called to a special religious vocation, but such a calling must be confirmed or ratified by the Church. There are many important ways to serve. Today, many women minister in the Church as Readers, Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, Catechists, DREs, Pastoral Associates and Missionaries. There are also Consecrated Religious. Have you considered the possibility of being a Sister or Nun? Some like St. Teresa of Avila are doctors of the Church and she helped to save the Church at a time of great corruption. We also have the Blessed Mother Teresa who in her care for the poor reminded the whole world about the dignity of persons and the sanctity of life.

Any vocation in the Church must embrace obedience, even toward those elements that are hard for us to understand. Priests and Sisters are all people under authority, following God, but pledging submission to their superiors or bishops. We do not represent ourselves, but the Church. We pledge obedience, celibacy (virginity) and live a life of poverty. We go where we are sent. We do as we are told. We seek to hear God’s voice in that of the Church. Can you be faithful? Any form of dissent or love of things or willfulness can damage a religious calling. We must be humble in accepting what God and his Church offers us and accepting of that which is denied. Neither the priesthood (for men) nor the religious life (for women) comes easily. There will come years of formation and education. I would urge you to contact and visit a few communities for women religious.

Know that if you decide to follow the Lord as a faithful single person or as a married woman, God is still calling you to live a holy life and to spread his Good News. I will keep you in prayer.
Father Joe, on April 24, 2016 at 9:29 pm said:

Here is another question that has come my way:

“Dear Father, we used the gym of a local parochial school for years for our small adult basketball league. However, now we have been told that the church can no longer ‘legally’ rent to us. What has happened?”

Tax exempt properties once included all of church facilities and land, including parsonages or rectories. However, laws are changing in this regard. Exemption has been lost in certain cases and threated in others. Even though it might be needed Parish fundraising, many churches have stopped renting halls and gyms because of lawsuits and fines. The churches have been warned that they must not compete with commercial halls and that their tax-exemption gives them an unfair advantage. I know a parish that was fined for selling Christmas trees in the church parking lot, all because a commercial vendor claimed that their prices undercut his profit. The use of parish property is less available to the local community. More and more it is restricted to church usage and to active parishioners.
Father Joe, on April 24, 2016 at 9:11 pm said:

I recently received a question that I would like to address with a few links:

“Dear Father, are their efforts or are their fears that priests and ministers will be forced to preside at same-sex marriages? Could you give some instances or links where this is discussed?”

Government Says Ordained Ministers Celebrate Same-Sex Weddings or Go to Jail

Will Churches Be Forced to Perform Same-Sex Weddings?

States Could Force Priests to Perform Same-Sex Marriages

Obama to Force Chaplains to Perform Gay Marriages
Freya, on April 23, 2016 at 8:38 am said:

Dear Father

Is it a sin to get married outside instead of in a church? Are you still married in the eyes of God? When I get married I want God to be mentioned and I want it to be a Christian ceremony, minus being in a church. Is this a sin?

FATHER JOE: If you are not a Catholic, and not knowing your religion, I really cannot say. However, Catholic marriages must be witnessed by a priest or deacon. Marriages in the Archdiocese of Washington must be in a chapel or the Parish church. Marriages are not permitted outside. Marriages not recognized by the Church are sinful.
Aris, on April 23, 2016 at 12:48 am said:

more power to you father. I’m born and raised a Catholic and will remain so. Back when I was a teenager there was so much attacks on us Catholics from the Born Again members. It seems at that time, at least from where I was living then, was the time the BA movement was taking momentum and getting stronger.

Claims and allegations of mistakes in our Catholic faith and other biased opinion of us Catholics as the sinners can be heard daily.

Thank God for a very strong guidance from our parish priest and my mother’s strong Catholic education (Recollects) we were able to stand our ground.

Those attacks on our faith actually made me study even more on the faith and went beyond the Catechism of our Church. I have become, realizing it later, an apologist of the Church without even knowing it.

I have nothing against other people’s faith and I have no plans of converting any of them to our Faith. There is too much animosity in this world and I don’t want to add into that. Conversion and faith is by Grace. If they do seek the truth they will find the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

I however feel rewarded if I can keep a doubting Catholic to stay within the Church. I believe that most, if not all, conversion by Catholics are the lack of understanding and knowledge about Her.

The Church has made a good curriculum on knowing the Faith with the Catechism. Answering basically the question of “What”.

It has to accompanied by the “WHY and HOW” a thing that for now our Mother Church doesn’t have any. When I say nothing I didn’t mean She doesn’t have it, it’s all there but there is not a program of teaching in a structured way.

The resources more often than not comes from works of individuals be it priests, religious or laymen.

Thanks Father for your insights! God bless.
chinonye, on April 22, 2016 at 6:16 pm said:

Wow! That means 99 percent of people go to purgatory after they die? God really has high standards for us! Can anyone ever achieve that level of perfection? Are there people in this day and age that make it directly to heaven? Aren’t you scared about this Father? Should I resign myself to fate? Were the saints in heaven completely spotless during their time on earth? Sometimes I feel as though Jesus seems soft with his mercy, and stern when it comes to his justice.

FATHER JOE: Unlike the Protestant notion of juridical justification, Catholicism has always taught that we must seek genuine conversion (transformation) and spiritual perfection. God’s presence in heaven is like the hottest fire. That which does not belong there could not bear the divine presence and love. It is precisely that love that purifies the soul in purgation. The saints who went straight to heaven knew the fullness of mercy and healing in Christ. They did much in the way of penance and sacrifice while on earthly pilgrimage.
chinonye, on April 22, 2016 at 6:42 am said:

Hello Father
Does one have to be squeaky clean to get to heaven without having to pass through purgatory? Lately my fear of purgatory is beginning to override my trying to live a holy life because I love God. I know we should have a healthy fear of purgatory and Hell but I don’t want it to make me scrupulous and gloomy. I also want to enjoy life in a good clean way. How do I relax and go with the flow rather than nitpicking my every action? Thanks!

FATHER JOE: The trick, if we can call it that, is to concentrate on the good we can do and not to be overly anxious when we fall short. Do you have to be “squeaky” clean? Hum. Not to make you feel worse, but even the “squeaky” part has to be silenced… reminding me of the Tin Man of Oz and his oil can.
Bob, on April 21, 2016 at 11:19 pm said:

Father Joe: It has been a long time since I’ve had a question or made a comment. I’ve had discussions with Atheists, Baptist, Pentecostals Lutherans ect. other than the Atheist not even a Muslim friend has denied that I’m Christian. Yet the people that are “Born again Christians” state that you and I are following a false teaching, the Pope is evil , Our use of the Saints to intercede on our behalf is a flawed teaching or our reverence to Our blessed Mother Mary we are praying to the dead, we dishonor Our savior wearing the crucifix and that I would dare call you or my priest Father in-fact its disgraceful to call my dad father. so my question is why is there Contempt for the Catholic church and the Magisterium.

FATHER JOE: Error breeds error. They turn away from history because the Catholic Church was preaching the Good News before there was a New Testament and a complete Bible. History makes them uncomfortable because while the records show the existence of the Catholic Church, going back to the apostolic and patristic periods, these Protestant fundamentalists are nowhere to be found. Error breeds error. They reject philosophy and science and even much of natural law. Why? Because a fundamentalist and literalist interpretation of Scripture runs against both good science and reason. The Catholic Church argues for the complementarity of truth. The Catholic Church asserts that ours is a faith seeking understanding. Theirs is a blind faith. Error breeds error. The Catholic Church is the Mother of the Bible and we interpret the Word in a contextual way, taking into consideration many verses and passages. Our critics tear the Bible apart for use as proof texts… sometimes in conflict with the verses adjacent to what is cited. They really do not understand us and what they cannot or will not understand, they fear and hate.
halowearersblog, on April 21, 2016 at 4:30 am said:

Dear Father,

I’m a convert from Evangelical Protestantism where lay people are the main part of foreign missions. They basically settle in, start Bible studies, play Jesus films, pass out pamphlets and Bibles, do the “preach on a soapbox” thing if it’s safe enough, see how many people they can get to pray the “sinner’s prayer”, and get them baptized by the nearest preacher if they can. As a Catholic, I see the preachy sort of missionary work is left to priests and religious for the most part, but I’m sure there are lay missionaries too. I’m currently trying to write a story about a lay woman doing mission work in the middle east so I was wondering what do Catholic lay missionaries do exactly? How do they help spread the gospel message, or do they just stick to charity work?

Thank you for your time Father!
Miss J

FATHER JOE: People assist in the missionary work according to their state of life. That is why many of the laity deal largely with charity and social justice efforts. Builders, doctors, nurses, and others are very valuable. They can also assist as catechists and/or teachers. The difficulty in many nations is the vulnerability of missionaries, especially women… both lay and religious. There is a high incidence of rape in parts of Africa. There are few deacons. The preference in the missions is for priests who can offer the Mass and other sacraments. If clergy are not available, lay catechists can get permission to baptize. Peace!
Paulie, on April 20, 2016 at 1:54 am said:

Fr. Joe,

Is there a patron saint for people with Autism?

FATHER JOE: I do not think the Church has officially designated one.
peeptuisku, on April 18, 2016 at 6:59 pm said:

Hello, Father! Does Feng Shui contradict the teachings of the Church?

FATHER JOE: It is my understanding that there are superstitious elements incompatible with Catholicism.
chinonye, on April 18, 2016 at 12:07 pm said:

Hi Fr
I admit I struggle with charity when it comes to this friend of mine, but I try to be his friend and relate harmoniously with him. He called me and explained himself to me and I forgive him though I still struggle but I understand what you said about being charitable with him and I pray for God’s help to be more charitable in my life. Thanks.
caitlynnegrace, on April 18, 2016 at 8:31 am said:

Hi Father,
What does ‘atone’ mean? How is it different from making reparation? Thank you, Fr.

FATHER JOE: “Atonement” is a synonym to the word “Reparation.”
Anne, on April 17, 2016 at 2:33 am said:

Father, many years ago while working in a ministry team, I spoke critically of some co-workers to several folks in my circle and theirs. I was very frustrated and also foolish and immature in this. With age and the Holy Spirit’s working in my life, I realize that I should have gone directly to these folks to voice my critique. In the years since, we have enjoyed an amiable, long-distance relationship, as I have matured and come to appreciate their ministries. The very aspects of their ministry that I thought were weak and passive were actually their strengths and brought many people to God. Feeling convicted about this several years ago, I wrote to them, telling them how much I have come to appreciate them through the years, and how at one point I didn’t understand the depth of their efforts and calling. I did not tell them that I had spoken critically of them to others. But now I wonder if I ought to confess that to them as well. Have you any advice on this? I would like to add that I have written before, am a Christian but not a Roman Catholic, and so appreciate your wisdom. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Time has passed and you have expressed how appreciative you are of their past works and calling. I would leave it at that. Let the negative stuff in the past stay in the past. People often find out when others speak critically of them, even behind their backs. But if they are as you say, they forgave you a long time ago. Peace!
James, on April 16, 2016 at 1:47 pm said:

Hello Father,
Is downloading music and movies a sin?

FATHER JOE: It is okay if legal. Pirating is a form of stealing. But it is increasingly difficult to know what rights are given.
Freya, on April 16, 2016 at 9:35 am said:

Hello Father

I just came back from camp and I now am contemplating what the biblical thing is to do. On this camp, a girl who I thought was my friend, spoke very badly of one of our greatest friends. She did this infront of about eight people and even said “who should we b***h about next?”. I don’t know whether I should tell my friend what was said about her or not, I absolutely would but I’m not sure if the bible is against sharing other people’s secrets in a case like this. ps. I told her many times to stop speaking badly

FATHER JOE: A person has a right to know if others are destroying his or her reputation and good name.
Ruth, on April 16, 2016 at 7:29 am said:

Father i read your comment on not working on Sundays. But on a Sunday, if i go out with my family to a restaurant, what about those people working at the restaurants, malls, cinemas etc??

FATHER JOE:

I would defer to Fr. William J. Byron, S.J. He writes: Your question raises the issue of what has traditionally been called “servile work.” Although Sunday is the first day of the week, not the seventh or “Sabbath,” the ancient practice of Sabbath rest has been carried over into the Catholic practice of refraining from ordinary weekday work on Sundays, i.e., reserving Sunday for rest, worship, and recreation. However, there is a lot of work for pay that simply has to be done on Sundays, and it is not at all sinful to do it. The planes, trains, and buses have to run on Sundays; the hospitals and restaurants have to be open to serve peoples’ needs. If employment obligations and economic circumstances permit you to rest on Sunday, you should, but neither should you worry if duty requires you to work.
Albert, on April 16, 2016 at 2:48 am said:

Thank you father. I always appreciate the time you take to respond. I pray God will bring some clarity and bless me and others with the spirit of discernment over the course of the next several months .
Marie, on April 15, 2016 at 6:46 pm said:

Thank you, Father Joe.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. It was very helpful and I think it will help me dismiss such thoughts quickly in the future.

I hope all is well with you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Al, on April 15, 2016 at 4:19 pm said:

Greetings father,
I was just wondering how to figure out who to vote for I this presidential election. I’m not asking for which candidate you endorse by any means. I guess what it boils down to for me is who do I trust will have the unborn’s best interest at heart and the one candidate who has the record to do that is proving to be a bit of an underhanded and cunning individual. How do I reconcile this? I just want what’s best for our country and Gods people. Thank you and have a blessed day.

FATHER JOE: I am waiting to see who our actual candidates will be. Caucuses and primaries may not be enough this time around. Your distress is something I share. Which is the least devil? Some go with this reasoning. But, no one can be compelled to vote for people whom in one’s conscience are deemed immoral.
Anne, on April 15, 2016 at 2:34 pm said:

Father,

I work for the Church in the parish office doing administrative assistant work. My boss is the pastor, a Catholic priest, and has decided to have the office open on Sundays and now I have to work from 9-2 every Sunday. I go to Mass right before I start but I am no longer able to go with my husband and children since the children’s Mass is at 10:30. I only get to spend time with my family on the weekend due to work and school. I feel really unhappy about this. I sit at the desk for 5 hours and rarely does anyone stop by needing anything. None of the other staff has to work on Sunday. Father is not easy to talk to, he’s quick to anger and impatient and especially doesn’t want to be wrong about anything. What can I do? I love this job otherwise.

FATHER JOE: Parishes do have staff and volunteers who work on Sundays. My DRE and catechists teach children their religion on Sundays between Masses. Nevertheless, Mass is a holy day for worship, leisure and family. You did not sign up for Sunday employment. Have you checked your diocese’s employment policies? You may have certain rights about which you are not aware. Ultimately, you will need to say something to your pastor, even though he can be intimidating. While Walmart and other employers force their workers to work Sundays, this seems contrary to what the Church should be about… that and the commandments or precepts of the Church. I will keep you in prayer. Peace!
Marie, on April 15, 2016 at 4:48 am said:

Father,

I’ve never been brave enough to ask a priest this face-to-face.Is it normal to have dark, violent and disordered thoughts? They are unpleasant and I try not to dwell on them. They come and go but I’ve had them since I was a child. (Normal, happy childhood.)

Those thoughts seem at odds with the rest of my personality. My friends consider me trusting to a fault and I am always horrified and astonished to discover anyone would be willfully cruel.

A friend I consider a wise Catholic was discussing something else but mentioned violent thoughts should be confessed. Is this true? Or is she just talking about wanting to punch someone who made you angry or something like that?

FATHER JOE: Everyone has thoughts from time to time that might not be charitable. There is no sin if they are readily dismissed. The issue of sin comes when we take time to ruminate upon them, taking pleasure from them or even taking seriously their execution.