Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

jason, on May 11, 2016 at 3:02 am said:

Father Joe,
First thank you for this blog! It is a great gift for new Catholics (like myself who converted from being a lapsed methodist some 18 months ago), who are striving to learn more about our faith.
My question to you would be this: I usually receive the vast majority of my news through the internet. The problem with this is that usually there is a pop up add or some other linkage that usually leads to some form of pornographic material. Would you happen to know of any relatively “safe” news sites or maybe Catholic news sites?
Any advice or help is greatfully appreciated!
Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Maybe it is my anti-virus software but while I get a lot of news online, I do not get such questionable popups. I do get ads for books and what not from sites like Barnes and Noble and Amazon. This is probably due to tracking cookies. Does someone else have access to the computer you use? I have a friend who had a similar issue as yours but discovered that the reason was a family member visiting questionable sites. The cookies remained to plague other members of the household with undesired popups. Now that I think about it, there are some seemingly conservative sites or weird news sites that are posers, just traps to lock your browser for unwanted ads. I often refer to MSN and FOX News, as well as EWTN. I have little trouble.
Brendan Doherty, on May 10, 2016 at 11:53 pm said:

Is it ok to look at nudes WITHOUT lust. I have NO desires or fantasies for these women. I have looked at countless websites. The majority which say it is fine as long no lust is present. Please help. Thank you 🙂

FATHER JOE: Human beings must deal with a fallen nature and concupiscence. We are not robots. Looking at naked bodies is not so easy to do without lust as you seem to assert. Certainly there is a distinction to be made in terms of fine art and medicine. The Vatican has many unclothed figures on the walls and ceilings but it speaks to the beauty of creation. However, when it comes to eroticism and pornography, the sin is not just with the voyeur but with the photographer and model. If you pander to such things then you may be cooperating or enabling the immoral behavior of others. That is sinful and many sexual sins cross the border into grievous, deadly or mortal. If you have no good reason to look at these images then you should not do so. They remain in the imagination and if they do not cause immediate sin, they may be a cause for personal sin later. One must be careful of rationalizations that bespeak to compromised judgment and wishful thinking.
Ruth, on May 10, 2016 at 5:51 pm said:

Father my city and many parts of my country are suffering from draught. Our taps are dry and we get the municipality water just once in 3 days where we store them in buckets and use it very very sparingly. Life has become really tough. Please do remember us in your prayers. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: You are remembered.
Dennis, on May 9, 2016 at 4:52 pm said:

I seem to deal with some scruples. My question is if I willingly do something venial and do not know if it is mortal, is it in fact a mortal sin. I was driving to work today and because I was running a few min late I was going 5 – 10 miles over the limit. I tried to be as safe as possible. I assumed it was a venial sin but didn’t seem to know if it was a mortal one.

FATHER JOE: Maybe… but the state gives you five miles over. In such cases it may be no sin at all.
Steffi Villanueva, on May 9, 2016 at 4:33 pm said:

Hi Father,

I am in a 4 year relationship, and recently we have been having a lot of fights. Some of it is because of his lies to me especially when he goes out to drink with his friends. Another is when he bought an E-Cigarette that he says he is not using. His excuse was he was going to sell it to earn money. But then I discovered that he was going to vape shops with his friend. I really don’t want him to use vape because my grandfather died of smoking and my grandmother had a heart bypass because of smoking as well. I always try to tell him that he should not and he says he doesn’t but he wants to. Should I believe him despite all the lies he has told me in the past?

Another thing I want to say is that whenever he does something, I instinctively feel it. And I check his Facebook account to find out for sure what he is doing. I know this is wrong but how do I stop myself from doing this? How do I trust him again? I don’t know why I suddenly turned into a person that I never wanted to become.

Sometimes I think that I should break up with him, but I cannot find the courage to do it because I love him. I want to be with him. I want to grow old with him. I want him to be the one. But, it’s really hard for me because I feel like I’m the only one trying to save what we have. I feel that he is slowly resenting me.

I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want the person that I am turning into. I really love him.. And also, the 4 years that we’ve been together has been a secret to my family because I have really strict parents and they don’t want me to have a boyfriend yet. Please help me Father.

FATHER JOE:

How old are you? If you are too young then your parents may be right that you are not ready for romantic relationships. You fault your boyfriend for deception, but you are also keeping something important away from your family.

If you are mature enough for the relationship, then no one can help the two of you but yourselves. You need to sit down and share about your feelings and where you see your relationship going. If there is deception and a lack of trust then it is a wounded relationship. Unless this changes, there will only be pain.
Robert M, on May 6, 2016 at 2:40 am said:

I want to get this off my chest. I love a woman who likes to gamble, sell her body and goes to adult parties so as to play with multiple men. She has an ex-husband and kids I never knew about. Her roommate told me about her kids and ex-husband in front of her.

I tried my best to change her into a better person. I didn’t see her for a month. When my friend told me she was selling her body, I didn’t like it. She stopped selling her body and wanted me as a good friend. The she became my girlfriend. I would mow the lawn, water flowers and take her to the casino every week.

I drove her to the airport so that she could go to Germany. When we went to the casino she would lose 500 dollars a week, get mad and tell me to go home. She would make me dinner every so often. Our friendship was up and down, depending on how much she gambled or owed on her credit card.

We often made love. I noticed she was acting differently. She made me change her WIFI on her laptop. I found an email telling a guy to send her a body-pic to come to the Hilton inn. She told me not tell anyone she was at the Hilton inn because her house insurance was covering water damage and she had free nights at the hotel. She didn’t want her roommates to know she had free nights. She wanted them to suffer, not having a sink or mirror in bathroom, hoping they would want to move out. She had this very bad roommate that she said raped her and carried a gun. I told her to call the sheriff but she refused to do it.

I felt a lot of pressure from her about this guy. Later she told him to leave because of her daughter was coming to see her. She started to cry when he left, saying he was a good cook and sang nice to her.

The last time I saw her at the casino, she had booked a room. We made love but it wasn’t so great. I knew she was planning on seeing someone after I left. So I asked her, “What happens after I leave?” She said, “Oh my god!” I said to her, “I will forgive you for the past if you say you’re sorry.” Then she put on her clothes and ran out the door. She texted me not to see her anymore. It made me feel like the whole thing was my fault when I know it wasn’t. I was hoping I could get a prayer or at least something to help me move forward.

FATHER JOE: This lady has serious problems and you are not helping. Gambling, prostitution, adultery, fornication, child abandonment and the violence of rape all makes for a hellish bondage. Given your own complicity with her sins, it is best that you leave her alone and concentrate on the forgiveness of your own sins and the grace you need to move forward. You need more than my prayers. Rather, you have to make the move to give your life to God. Prayer is not magic. The pattern is this… REPENT, BELIEVE & LIVE THE CHRISTIAN LIFE. God will help you if you ask him… if you really want to change. Do not look back. Stop making excuses.
Joanna Barska, on May 4, 2016 at 9:38 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,

Thanks a lot for your answer. All the best.

Joanna Barska
anonymous, on May 4, 2016 at 5:47 pm said:

Hello Father,

I was wondering, is there such thing as a good kind of pride? If so, what is the difference between good pride and bad pride? Thanks and God bless.

FATHER JOE: Certainly, because the word has any different meanings. Everyone should have the form of pride understood as self-respect. This form of pride values human dignity. We are all children of God. Believers are members of the royal household of God. We should also take pride in our work, doing the best that we can. Parents can take pride in their children. Citizens can take pride in their nation and those in the military who sacrifice everything for our freedoms. These are all good or positive understandings of pride. The problem is that if pride is taken too far then it destroys humility. The believer appreciates that all he has is a gift from God. Self-respect is good; conceit is bad. Patriotism (love of country) is good; nationalism (my country right or wrong) is bad. The sin of pride is an arrogance and disdain for others.
chinonye, on May 3, 2016 at 10:11 am said:

She’s in her middle 30’s and mentally handicapped. She cannot do anything for herself, so she’s heavily dependent on us for almost everything. The burden of taking care of her for the time being has rested primarily on my shoulders and it gets tiring at times. So some days when the day’s chores get too much and I hadn’t bathed her for the day due to tiredness I pass it on to the next day. Is it wrong? I don’t do it out of malice, just tiredness.

FATHER JOE: God understands. You do what you can. The old saying is so true… the soul is willing but the flesh is weak. Peace.
Samantha, on May 3, 2016 at 12:11 am said:

Good Morning Father. I have been diagnosed by a Psychiatrist recently with dissociative identity disorder which was formerly known as multiple personality disorder. There is lots of controversy within the Psychiatric community as to whether this diagnosis should even be included in the diagnostic manual or not as some don’t believe it to be real.

I don’t disagree with him that I have it. Anyone who knows me would tell you 3 years ago when I was drinking my personality would change. I believed I was possessed and so did the rite of exorcism on myself asked God to heal me of alcoholism which he did and started going to weekly confession to keep the demon away. I also have what the Psychiatrist terms hypnogogic hallucinations which means I am in rapid eye movement sleep when I am awake during the night, this is when I see a demon and feel it rape me. I thought I was plagued by an incubus.

Some psychiatrists view all saints as having dissociative identity disorder with severe post traumatic stress disorder which is what I have. They view Jesus as someone with schizophrenia. My Psychiatrist told me my catholic view of what is happening is outdated and most nuns were like me escaping sexual abuse. This has challenged my world view as I don’t disagree with him I am now in what he would call cognitive dissonance but what I would call dark night of the senses. The only treatment for me is Hypnotherapy. Its as if God has abandoned me I cant feel him or be guided by him right now. My sense of self is shattered and it feels like death in my soul. Yes I was engaging in spiritual gluttony but I didn’t now this was wrong.

He did a test on me where I rolled my eyes up and then slowly brought my lids down and this means I am Grade 4 hypnotisability which is the highest. Should I trust a man with these views to hypnotise me when I am so suggestible and vulnerable? I have tried getting in touch with my parish priest but he is too busy I emailed my diocese but they haven’t gotten back to me. My appointment is in 7 days. I have read the churches view on hypnotism and it seems perhaps they are against it but I’m not sure. I live in Sydney Australia.

FATHER JOE:

Your psychiatrist does not know what he is talking about. He may know something about the diseases of the mind but as a non-believer he is not qualified to speak about ailments of the soul and other religious questions. He seeks to define the world and its ills through the narrow focus of his specialty. That is wrong for him, just as it would be a mistake for believers to label all psychiatric problems as spiritual or demonic.

We had a local priest some years ago who visited a Catholic psychologist when he showed signs of the stigmata and water would seemingly flow from images when he was around, preaching or saying Mass. There was concern that the priest was mentally disturbed and that the purported miracles were faked. During the interview, water began to flow off the top of the psychologist’s desk. The water was welling up around a small statue of the Sacred Heart. The counselor was a believer. The incident proved that something supernatural was happening. Maybe you need to seek out a professional who also believes?

You may very well suffer from the ailments you mention, but that does not mean there is no spiritual component. Certainly your interpretation had an effect upon you in terms of faith. Diseases of the mind are crosses we must sometimes endure.

There is no evidence that all the saints were mentally ill. Indeed, the majority did many courageous and selfless acts. They are being wrongly judged by atheistic men who dismiss the meaning of Christ and any redemptive element to suffering. Jesus proved by his miracles and revelation that he was who he claimed he was. Jesus is God come down from heaven. He is Savior and Lord. He conquered evil and the grave.

Your psychiatrist friend presumes many things outside his field of expertise and learning. Without facts he judges Jesus, the saints and most nuns. Unless he regards virginity as an illness, the religious sisters and nuns were not routinely sexually abused. That is a statement from ignorance and prejudice. If he jumps to such hasty conclusions about these matters, I would not trust his credibility on anything else.

Hypnosis can be useful for the treatment of psychiatric diseases, but it can be dangerous as well because of vulnerability. Do you trust him? You say he is a psychiatrist and so I presume he is a medical doctor… right? Older Catholic literature wrongly classified hypnosis as an occult practice (and it can certainly be misused); but there are medical professionals who have made valid use of it.

I suspect that the cognitive dissonance is due to your doctor’s outright dismissal of the supernatural in favor of natural explanations for your ailments. This challenges your faith and previous views. I would add the corrective that the supernatural is real and thus God exists and the claims of his Church are also true; but, it is possible that your disturbances of the mind and in behavior are due to natural causes. Not knowing you personally, this is all I can say. I would not jump to conclusions like your psychiatrist purportedly does. I would not say that you were guilty of “spiritual gluttony,” but rather of giving a false interpretation to what you were experiencing.
sindy616p, on May 2, 2016 at 9:34 pm said:

Hi Father,

is friday the 13th really the day of the devil or is just superstition and has nothing to do with bad luck and the devil?

FATHER JOE: Pure superstition.
Lisa Michelle, on May 2, 2016 at 7:37 pm said:

I recently became engaged and my fiancé and I have tentatively began wedding plans. We graduate from graduate school in December, so the wedding will not be until 2017 and we haven’t began pre-Cana yet. Anyway, we know for certain that we want a small wedding and I have two questions.

1) We both attend Mass in the same parish. However, we would like to get married at a smaller church in our city. It is the oldest and most beautiful Catholic Church where we live – in fact, it was the first Catholic Church in our city and the church is 170ish years old. Is it possible to get married in a different church from the parish you regularly attend? We would still like for our parish priest to preside, but we just want to get married in the more historic church. Architecturally, it is stunning – and it is important to my fiancé who is getting is MA in Architecture. Well, the ceremony is what is important, but it is a dream of ours to be married in this church.

FATHER JOE: Policies vary and so you would have to ask the pastor of the church about the parish rules. Some pastors allow such weddings, others do not. The preference is the home parish.

2) My father abandoned my mother and siblings and myself when I was a young girl. My parents’ marriage was annulled and my mother remarried a wonderful man who was a wonderful father to myself and my siblings. I completely adore him. As an adult, I have somewhat reconciled with my biological father and we have a friendly relationship and I have forgiven him for the past (especially as his mental health issues contributed to his past). However, I want my stepfather to walk me down the aisle.

I discussed this with my sister and word somehow got around to my grandmother who says that my choice is disrespectful to my father and she is angry with me (my aunt – my bio dad’s sister – is also angry, and dragging my cousins into the argument). This is becoming a very big issue in the family now and I feel overwhelmed. I feel that my stepfather was my father in the real ways that count, but my grandmother believes that I am breaking the commandment to honor my father by my choice. However, if I give in and have my biological father walk me down the aisle, my stepfather would be incredibly hurt and my mother and siblings would be angry. To be clear, I am inviting my biological father to my wedding, and I am not excluding him from the wedding at all. I just want my stepfather to walk me down the aisle.

FATHER JOE: The decision is yours. The step-father who was faithful to you would be a good choice. You are not responsible for past wounded-ness. Any choice will hurt someone, but that is life. They are wrong to try and intimidate you.

It is mine and my fiance’s day – and my fiancé fully supports whatever decision I make on this matter. Shouldn’t our wishes be respected? Am I wrong or being selfish?

FATHER JOE: You said it… peace. Just remember that you marry families together, too.
chinonye, on May 2, 2016 at 7:19 pm said:

Hello Fr
Would it be a sin if I omit to bathe my sister due to tiredness? This is the second time its happening and on these two occasions I’d been so busy with chores that I get so tired and pass it on to the next day. I make sure I bathe her everyday but I’m so so tired today. Would I be committing a sin? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Huh? How old is your sister?
Salvatore, on May 2, 2016 at 6:44 am said:

My question relates to the resurrection. Aquinas drew on Aristotle and Scripture to explain the organic unity of the human person: we exist as bodies and souls. In our future existence, will we continue to image God as ‘male and female’? If so, how? If not, what will our physicality express concerning gender/sexuality at that point? Was the ancient church simply conflicted on the matter?
Thank you for your guidance.

FATHER JOE: Jesus and Mary are still male and female (in heaven). Gender will endure because it is not an accidental but an important quality of personal identity.
Joanna Barska, on May 1, 2016 at 6:16 pm said:

Dear father Joseph

My work college is of no religion and no faith. Recently, she aske me ( I am Catholic) : ‘You say religion is so good. Why then’, she said ‘ I had such a shit life, but people who I know are really bad people, their lives turned out better’. I could not answer her, but I would like to help. Maybe you Father could help me to answer her. Maybe it will help her in life. Could you name some authors, whose books she could read. As she does not have any religion I was thinking more philosophical literature not religious one, as not sure if she can understand religion having none. Please help us. God Bless.

FATHER JOE:

I am not sure that I can be of much help to you. Take God and faith out of the picture and most philosophies about the human condition are pretty bleak. A notable example would be the philosophy of selfishness promoted by Ayn Rand. She repudiated religious faith and promoted a rational and self-centered morality. Altruism was utterly rejected and she spurned the Christian notion of sacrificial love. While her objectivism urged a pursuit for personal happiness, it tended to see others as competition or obstacles to this goal. It was imbued with a rational arrogance.

Friedrich Nietzsche asserted that “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” This might sound good but remember he was behind the death of God movement. Any meaning one might find, even about pain, would be relative and conditional. His assessment would be as follows: no God— no religion— no objective morality— and no objective truth. You can look for meaning and answers, but everything is a matter of an individual perspective and contingent. You can’t go very far with that— the meaning of things and the problem of pain is ascertained in the lack of meaning. That does not work for the believer.

Your friend’s basic problem may be that she has rejected God and religious faith. She should look within the context of faith for answers: THE PROBLEM OF PAIN by CS. Lewis & SALVIFICI DOLORIS by Pope John Paul II.
anwei21, on April 30, 2016 at 9:41 am said:

is it ok for a catholic to take the communion in a christian church?

FATHER JOE: Can a Catholic take communion in a Protestant church? The answer is always NO. Indeed, you cannot take an active part in any non-Catholic service or ritual. Theologically speaking, a faith community must have a valid Priesthood and Eucharist to even be considered “a church.” Orthodox churches, as in the East, are regarded as genuine churches, albeit defective. Protestant churches, including the Anglicans (without true apostolic succession) are regarded as “ecclesial communities.” Ecumenism does not mean any kind of religious relativism. Catholicism believes that priests and bishops are given something of Christ’s authority, in regard to the sacrifice of the Mass, the real presence and the forgiveness of sins. Most Protestant churches reject these notions. Deliberately taking communion in a Protestant church is a sin. You cannot compare grape juice and bread to the real body and blood of Christ. The taking of Holy Communion is demonstrative of ecclesial unity. It is akin to a profession of faith. You cannot be both a Catholic and something else (in terms of faith). It is for this reason that Protestants are not generally welcome to take Holy Communion in a Catholic church. This is called the “closed” table. Sharing the Eucharist means that we are one in faith. This is not true between Catholics and Protestant denominations; indeed, this is not true with egregious sinners either. That is why taking the sacrament when not spiritually prepared is also regarded as a mortal sin.
Anonymous Man, on April 30, 2016 at 2:53 am said:

Hi Father, I have a two part question so I hope I’m not being greedy! Haha. I was raised a Roman Catholic but, like so many Millenials these days (people born from 1990 onwards) I don’t really go to Church regularly every Sunday, nor have i ever really. I realise that probably sounds terrible.

I guess the secular world is just too darn fun even though I am not an atheist. I just wish “religion” didn’t have to split people especially when it comes to marriage or feeling love for a person then realising, while you still love them. “Our relationship won’t work out because I’m X religion and your Y religion and in-laws, family expectations, etc.

You get what I mean I hope Father…plus I also have a lot of personal shortcomings when it comes to social anxiety, possible Asperger’s traits and that I am physically much weaker than the “average” person should be for my age. Other than that I am healthy and fine. I am not depressed and have seen many doctors over the years who have never said anything, just to be clear.

My question is 1.) even if there is no marriage at the Resurrection as Jesus says in the Gospels, what if for an individual’s soul wants a reward that includes living in an eternal paradise with a compatible wife? And 2) if there is no longer any Temple in Heaven as Revelation describes, therefore there’s nothing wrong with loving a soul who may have been X religion on Earth but now there is no religion or temple in Heaven to divide people from X faith to Y faith and so on, right?

I ask these questions because, due to my physical and mental issues, I realise I don’t want to get married nor would be able to be fully happy married in this lifetime, hence I like so many others for various look to “the world to come” as hopefully being whatever I want it to be.

I can’t even have intercourse due to a physical condition with my you know what. It’s a tough life Father.

That Whoever is worthy to enter Heaven or the New Jerusalem on the New Earth, does not have to automatically be “forced” to that single Heaven in Revelation where all people do is worship God totally for eternity….perhaps that’s not the “ideal Heaven” for every soul like myself who wishes for something else.

Even if what I have written here sounds possibly heretical, you have to underhand where me and probably others like me are just wanting Heaven or “our individual share” of the reward in Heaven to be whatever we want it to be, especially if we have “missed out” on things that people take for granted in this life like a loving relatbioship with a woman, physical pleasures, not so much riches or power, I’m talking about the simple things.

And that, in and of itself, is a humble request and God seems to love people who humble themselves.

Even if I have loved or had interest in girls or women who may not have been Catholic but did believe in God, like Jewish girls or Muslim girls.

I hope whatever Heaven turns out to be “for me” someday is a safe and happy place overall, without the physical and mental shortcomings I have in this lifetime, not to say I’m any worse off than others or anything, to be clear.

Please remember me in your Masses and I’ll also remember you in my prayers, thanks be to God through Christ.

Anonymous Man

FATHER JOE:

The difficulty is that many people who say they believe are practical atheists— they live as if there is no God, or at least no God that makes demands or makes a difference. When it comes to Catholicism, the difficulty is that we are supposed to have faith, both in Christ and in his Church. If what the Bible and the Church says is true, then the person who fails to practice his faith is not in good standing with God. Given that we are his creatures, and utterly dependent upon him— there is no way to win within this scenario unless we repent, seek forgiveness of sin and start living and worshipping as genuine disciples.

Religion can both unite and divide. Religion causes tension because it deals with the ultimate questions and our posture before God and others. The ancient pagan Romans found Catholicism very disagreeable; after all our Savior commands that we forgive our enemies, love those who hate us and give to those who steal from us. That is pretty revolutionary— then and now. Christ’s two-fold command to love starts with God but then overflows upon everyone else. We even regard the unwanted immigrant and the unborn child to be our neighbor— persons with rights and dignity. Such ideas run against the grain of a selfish culture where everyone wants to be rich and the poor are an embarrassment. There is also the issue of truth and conscience. Catholics believe that theirs is the house Jesus built. We pass on what he has revealed. We want the family together on Sunday to worship Almighty God. Mass is about more than entertainment. It is about giving God what is his due. We adore, praise and thank the Lord. Seeking his mind and heart, we make petition. Knowing that God has been good to us, we thank him. We also make propitiation (in Christ) for sin.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, but it is here that we should stop making excuses and rather acknowledge our dependence upon the Lord. Our life and every breath we take is his gift. Yes, we are sinners living in a broken world but in Christ we have an incarnate God who embraces the Cross so as to be in solidarity with us. His redemptive work gives us hope for healing. We matter. We have not been orphaned— even when we forget God.

Marriage is a sacrament and in heaven there will be no more sacraments because we will see God face to face. Sacraments use sacred signs to convey invisible realities. They give grace and make possible holiness. The love of spouses points to that greater love of God. Catholics see no idolatry in a good and faithful marriage. Indeed, to the extent that spouses love each other, they love the Lord. The marital act, itself, becomes the means of consummation and the renewal of the covenant with Christ. The marriage feast of the Mass is also a renewal of this covenant, although within the context of the larger believing community. It points to the nuptial banquet of heaven. Christ is the groom and the Church is his bride. When Jesus says there will be no earthly marriages in heaven, he is saying that we will all be caught up in the marriage feast of the Lamb. Love will no longer be veiled. This does not mean that spouses and family will no longer matter. There is a love and unity there that makes earthly love pale by comparison. The love of Christ will surround us and bond us one to the other. Those who shared love and friendship with you on earth will continue to do so in heaven. We will live within the Trinity where the third Person (the Holy Spirit) is eternally generated by the Father and the Son. We will have a share in God’s love and eternal life. There is no alternative for an afterlife in heaven that can take the focus away from God. You were not made for an exclusive love with a man or woman but for God. Anything that detours from God will bring loss.

The temple of old has been replaced, not just eradicated. The Mass reading this Sunday is from Revelation 21:10-14, 22-23. We read toward the end: “I saw no temple in the city for its temple is the Lord God almighty and the Lamb. The city had no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gave it light, and its lamp was the Lamb.” The New Jerusalem is the (Catholic) Church and the Jewish temple of stone has been replaced by Jesus who is Lord and Lamb of God. The term of salvation is Christ. His is the saving name. He is the only bridge or pontifex to the Father. The Church will always endure and know consummation in Christ. We speak of the Church Militant or in pilgrimage here on earth. But there is also the Church in Purgation (the poor souls perfected by grace after death) and the Church in Glory (the communion of the saints). We can love whomever we will but the truth remains the truth. Those who cut themselves off from Christ have severed themselves from love and hope. That is why there is an imperative to the Great Commission. God has revealed himself and his plans for us.

No one is fully happy in this world, nor is it promised. We are pledged happiness in the world to come, but not according to our terms. You have to trust that God knows better for us than we do for ourselves. God can save whomever he wills. It may be that a natural goodness and ignorance of the truth will spare some. But really, we do not know about such possible exceptions. Hell is real and some will suffer it, not just because they were judged wanting but because they were more disposed to perdition than to life with God. God gives us a choice. Some make bad choices. Heaven comes down to a faith in the Lord that is lived out in charity and obedience. Works cannot save us apart from faith. Faith is more than cheap words or emotional highs.

Religions are not all the same. Some are closer to the truth. Certain Christian denominations have maintained the salvific Catholic elements. Other religions are very far from the truth, even damning.

I am sorry to disappoint you, but while Jesus promises many rooms in his heavenly home, they will all reflect the same saving truths. We will be restored body and soul, but there will be no more marriage (and hence the need for sexual carnality). There will be no more concupiscence and sin. The souls of the just will know spiritual perfection. You will be satisfied in loving God and having him love you. That is the long-and-short-of-it. You are imagining heaven as a reality only slightly removed from the earthly that we currently know. That is not the case. The Church will endure but there will be no more faith and sacraments. Instead of believing, we will know God and see him face-to-face. Sacraments make Christ and his saving works present through sacred signs. But in heaven all signs or veils are removed. If sacraments give us a taste of heaven; heaven gives us the entire endless banquet. We will know personal survival of the grave, but the corporate or communal nature of the Church will find full expression in the communion of the saints. There are not many communities, but one community or heaven where we will know the joy of union with God.

True humility is not to request a personal or individual heaven. Indeed C.S. Lewis in his small book, THE GREAT DIVORCE, makes this his image of hell. They prefer the fantasy; the less substantial to that which is truly real.

I will remember you in prayer and at Mass. Peace!
chinonye, on April 29, 2016 at 6:48 pm said:

Hello Father
I came across a word “spiritual illness”. What does it mean? Can you give some examples if you can? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: A definition depends on how the phrase is used.
Dan, on April 28, 2016 at 7:45 pm said:

Father,

My wife and I divorced some years ago. She currently has custody of the kids. She has since remarried in the church and is moving to another state. For a variety of reasons, her new husband has offered to adopt the children. I don’t want to lose out on my relationship with my kids, but I cannot provide for them adequately. If I let them be adopted, I obviously lose a lot of rights.

My ex-spouse is a devout Catholic, as is her new husband. Is there any sort of document or agreement a member of the clergy can endorse/witness between us that can exist to memorialize an agreement that she will allow me to maintain my relationship with the kids? I believe she will honor that even though there is no legal standing per se.

Thanks
Dan

FATHER JOE: There is no document from the Church that would have any binding legal weight in the matter. Your pastor might write a letter speaking about how fathers in general have a right to a relationship with their children, but that is about it. While she has custody, do you have an visitation rights? Unless you can stop them from moving away, this will obviously complicate visitation. Adoption is another matter and you would have a right to oppose the effort. However, I cannot say how the courts would decide. There are a lot of factors unspoken. What broke up your relationship? Are there other personal problems? What is your economic situation? How do your children feel about you?
monica, on April 28, 2016 at 6:19 pm said:

I wanted to get a feet scrub and also a feet massage,.but the person who does it is a man, I’m a woman so I wasn’t sure, but it’s only feet and not a full body massage, I think it’s not really sinful. But I wanted to ask what types of massages are consider sinful if a man is doing it to a woman and the other way around?
monica, on April 28, 2016 at 4:27 pm said:

Hi father, is massage a sin? I mean those feet arm massages, and is there a difference if the massage is done by the opposite sex?

FATHER JOE: Massages are not necessarily a sin… but I would urge caution about the types of massages and the gender of the person offering them.
kmmoreno1, on April 28, 2016 at 2:16 pm said:

Good Morning Father. I am hoping you could answer something for me. I am a graduate student at Catholic University in an MFA Program for fiction writing. I’m currently taking a reading class on horror, and we’ve been assigned to review various fictional pieces on demonic possession. Since then, I’ve decided to write a couple short stories: the first on a haunting, the second on possession.

My question is whether the church frowns on such actions? In doing so, am I opening myself up to Satan? Your response is greatly appreciated.

All the best,

Mario

FATHER JOE: It is true that the Church urges against an unhealthy preoccupation or fascination with the occult. The danger is that for certain people it can become obsessive. But there is no moral issue with writing for the genre itself. What you have to decide is how to approach it… either as a fantasy like Irish fairy stories and folk tales or as something more realistic and reflective of genuine experiences. When it comes to the latter, a couple of movies were applauded for depicting what exorcisms are really about: THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE (2005) and POSSESSED (TV 2000). When it comes to Ghost Stories, Catholicism has a different interpretation from many Protestants. Protestants tend to label all ghostly happenings as demonic. Catholic theology allows for one of three possibilities: (1) a demonic entity is mimicking a dead person or ghost; (2) the ghost is a poor soul in purgatory seeking prayers; or (3) the whole business is a fraud. I have attached a link to one of my own ghost stories that I share at Halloween. Stories of this sort can reaffirm the power of God over dark powers and principalities. They need not be negative. But Hollywood often gets it wrong, either because they have no faith or because they (themselves) are in bondage to the evil one. (I am willing to give a private critique when you write your stories.) Peace!

A Catholic Ghost Story from Southern Maryland
Pauline, on April 26, 2016 at 1:25 pm said:

Fr. would like to ask you a question on Reconciliation. I was taught that we make the Sign of the Cross and say “Bless be me Father for I have sinned ….. ” at the same time. Recently I was told that the Sign of the Cross and saying “Bless me…” is to be done separately not together. Which is correct and can you please elaborate why it is done together/separately. Thank You

FATHER JOE: I have always known them done separately: we begin many sacraments and prayers with the Cross and the mystery of the Trinity (1) Sign of the Cross [gesture and words] & then greeting the priest (2) “Bless me Father….”
Thomas, on April 26, 2016 at 5:41 am said:

Hello,
I have a question, well actually three.

How would you define your religion/belief I don’t care for the length or complexity.

FATHER JOE: My personal and corporate faith is in the saving Lord Jesus Christ, revealed to us in Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition through the instrumentality of the Church and her sacraments.

Second question, How would you define all religions around the world. Again length does not matter.

FATHER JOE: While Judaism is also true religion, albeit natural and nor a supernatural faith, other religions outside of Catholicism/Christianity seek to answer questions of basic meaning but are more human than divine and fall short or take wrong turns in the answers they give.

Last question in one word how would you define religion? I will give you my answer after you reply.
Thanks.

FATHER JOE: The one word is “Catholicism.” It is a word that means universal or worldwide. The Catholic Church is the one true Church established by Jesus Christ. Why is the Church essential? It is because none are saved apart from Jesus Christ. Pope Benedict XVI made it clear that this is her core message.
D.F., on April 25, 2016 at 8:53 pm said:

I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from. I’m 21 years old NOW, I’m no longer going to school to be a priest, when I was 17 a senior in high school is when I felt my call, I was part of my church youth group, I went to West Virginia and New Orleans for 2 weeks each for community service, I volunteered for 5 years as a ccd teacher assistant. I know you think I’m a fool but I’m not, I went from being in resource classes to a college of larger sized classes, because I have a learning disability. I didn’t get the same help in college that I did in high school, it really hurt me when you called me a fool because you barely know me, you thought it’s because I didn’t understand the work, I apologize for attacking the church but I didn’t mean too, I’m just frustrated because I went to school for 3 years wanting to be a priest but I had trouble with math but I never gave up, when I was 17, I felt the calling and a lot of people saw it in me too. I stopped going to school at 19 because I couldn’t afford it and I plan to have a new career but I have no clue where my life will be headed because I am 21 years old, I have no job, im $4,500 in debt from student loans, I shouldn’t be in debt at 21 but I am because I felt like as a man devoted to volunteering and wanting to live for God, I felt like I was called at 17 but I didn’t know how the education was but I didn’t want be disappoint my parish priest and family but telling them I can’t do it, 2 years in of community college. Every job I apply to, they either hire someone else or never call back. So where am I suppose to go in my life? I’m 21 with no job and debt, my friend in my parish even told me”no man shouldn’t have to take math to be a priest” everyone feels bad for me because In all honestly I’m a great man of God, I volunteer at my church as a reader and usher, I go on so many service trips, I was a ccd teacher assistant before they changed the program. My best friend told me the other day”you actually need math to be a priest, I thought you just need to be a man of God and a good guy with a kind heart” like I really have that fear of being homeless one day bEcause I cant go to school for something else because I got suspended because of my grades, I owe $4500 in student loans and I have no job but when I apply, they don’t hire me, so where do I go from here? And when I met with my vocation director at 17, they told me to go to a community college which I did, but I didn’t know I neede math and all because I thought when you go to college m, you take classes for your career, not math which have nothing to do with celebrating mass. I did great in my English classes and public speaking

FATHER JOE:

Why would you think that I regard you as a fool? Where did I say this? Many posts earlier I spoke in a generic way about the need for a solid education and formation for priests. I wrote: “We would not want to flood the Church with priests reckoned as fools by learned critics. We need men who are orthodox in their thinking and faithful.” This was merely my response to your argument against the intense schooling of candidates. I would not short-change their education.

I had very minimal math, preferring science, but seminarians who are Philosophy majors are required to take prerequisites just like any other college-level student. Having completed my seminary education and getting ordained, my expenses in school were largely covered by the Church. If I had dropped out or been dismissed then I would have had to pay back the debt. Seminarians must prove themselves intellectually capable of the studies as well as spiritually and psychologically fit for a life of celibate love and prayerfulness before God. Some men are smart but have too great a struggle with holiness and/or sexuality. Some men are very pious but not smart enough for the studies. When discerning our vocation in life we must also honestly confront our strengths and weaknesses.

The Church gives us her vision of the “Catholic” priesthood and the religious life (for men and women). One does not become a priest to espouse one’s personal ideas or feelings. We might be very Catholic in our outlook, but still not called to sacerdotal ministry. A priest, by definition, is owned by the Church. He is a slave of the Church. He is the Church’s man. His principal service is the forgiveness of sins and the sacrifice of the Mass. He may have many other obligations and ministries, but these two elements are at the core of his identity and mission. He cannot witness or teach truths about which he does not know. It is more than having a basic catechetical understanding of faith. I would oppose any compromise to our vision of the priesthood.

If I recall correctly, the discussion on the priesthood was that you discounted the rigorist formation and education required for candidates to holy orders, especially the need for philosophy which is the handmaid to theology. I did not directly address your expenses or difficulties with math. (I was as bad a math student as you could find but I compensated in other areas and was ordained. Indeed, I struggled with special learning issues.)

Time has passed. You have apparently taken another road, although we have men who come to the priesthood later in life. But it remains a vocation that will take years of formation and is not a calling that comes easily. You must be open to divine providence and correction from the Church. While we face many adversities, we must neither despair nor turn to anger. If we do so then we would neither be disposed to the priesthood nor to the graces that bring healing and eternal life.

God bless you.