Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

ceebok, on October 19, 2014 at 1:34 pm said:

Good Morning Father,
We recently had a visiting priest or bishop who brought his own altar server who looked to be in his late teens or 20. Would this be a seminarian and do they have a special title? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: He was probably a seminarian. There is no title.
cag51Alex, on October 18, 2014 at 8:55 pm said:

Hi Father, I was thinking about something related to the synod, had a question. As I understand it, the main argument for not allowing civilly remarried people to normalize their status (short of honoring their wedding vows) is because they made a promise to God, and promises are meant to be kept. So far so good.

But there have been quite a few priests who have been laicized and allowed to get married, and their status is (eventually) normalized. What’s the difference here? Is it that marriage vows are to God, whereas vows of celibacy are to the Church, and the Church can therefore loosen the latter? Or?

FATHER JOE: Celibacy is a discipline associated with the priesthood. Most priests are celibate but we do have a few married clergy from the Eastern rites and from those who were formerly Anglican. If a man leaves the active priesthood and is “laicized” he might be allowed to marry if released from his vow or promise. However, while he cannot function, he will always be a priest. Once ordained it is impossible to unmake a priest. I suppose if damned then Judas is literally a priest in hell… for what it is worth. Marriage is made possible by vows and the consummation through the marital act. While the discipline of celibacy is regarded as a Church law, the requirement for marital fidelity is divine positive law. They are on different levels. Jesus makes it clear in the Gospel of Matthew that once truly married the bond lasts until natural death. He forbids divorce. While bishops and Popes can allow priests to get married, they do not have the power to sever the sacramental bond of marriage. That is why the Synod on the Family was so serious. Popes and bishops cannot change God’s laws to tolerate adultery or active homosexuality. Divorce, itself, for the guilty party or parties, is also a sin. The mutual love and support that one is duty-bound to give is withheld or given to another (a usurper). Annulments are attempts by the Church to protect the truth and permanence about marriage while still trying to show compassion to couples who were in defective marriages. But if real then no annulment is possible. It has been joked by the most cynical that Catholic divorce is not annulment but murder. Death frees the partner to marry another.
chinonye, on October 18, 2014 at 6:03 pm said:

My step sister’s husband is paying for everything, its just that we needed his statement of account so we asked my other sister to ask for it like as if she wanted to use it but it was for our own use.
Yes a bit of cultural difference but then my sister is 36 and is old enough to take care of herself that’s why we are encouraging her to go. My dad wouldn’t read this blog, he doesn’t know about it. And yes we are all adults.
chinonye, on October 18, 2014 at 2:31 pm said:

Also Father this question I’m about to ask is quite long so I hope u ll be patient with me and understand where I’m coming from.
I have a step sister from my mum, and ever since my parents got married, he has never shown her a favourable face. She only comes to visit when my dad isn’t around for fear of confrontation. This has been the norm for a long time. Now she’s in Brazil, married and pregnant with her second baby and she wants my sister to come and stay with her till the baby’s born. The problem is my dad will not agree, and my sister desperately wants her to come and help with the new baby. So my mum and sister tricked my dad into getting his statement of account. My sister isn’t planning on telling him that she’s traveling because right now, all my dad wants is for my sister to get married and give him a grandchild. My sister on the other hand sees this as an opportunity to leave the house and find something useful to do. Right now she’s planning on using someone else’s statement. What I want to know is are we sinning gravely by telling this lie to my dad? I’m asking because my dad from day one has discouraged any form of closeness between us and my step sister, and my step sister is desperate for someone to stay with her as she gives birth. To even tell my dad outright about my sister going to brazil is scary to all of us. I hope God understands because if things were normal between my dad and my step sister, we wouldn’t have hidden things from him.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks

FATHER JOE: What is a “statement”? Are everyone adults? If so, then you can go where you please. It is none of your father’s business. Is the travel with her own money? There should be no stealing. Are we dealing with cultural differences again? What if he reads this blog?
chinonye, on October 17, 2014 at 11:17 pm said:

I don’t think they need my witness, its just that I ve been going to mass with them for a long time so my going somewhere else might come as a surprise to them.
Father I watch the Big Brother show and I’m sort of worried that it might be leading me to sin. Sometimes they use swear words and other times they do erotic stuff, I try to look away when they do those things. My question is should I totally abandon the show because of these things or should I change the channel whenever they want to act naughty? I wouldn’t deny that I love the show, what do I do?

FATHER JOE: I have never seen the show and know nothing about it.
chinonye, on October 17, 2014 at 2:39 pm said:

Thanks Father. Father for two weeks I ve been going to mass late because I have to wait for my mum to dress and hurry up quickly. I want to go to mass somewhere else without her and the rest of my family this weekend. Is it good or bad? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: You have to decide that… do they need your witness?
Donnie, on October 16, 2014 at 6:20 pm said:

I was searching for some answers online and came across your blog.

I was divorced in November 2013; three months after my former husband dropped the unexpected bombshell that he wanted a divorce and that he was no longer in love with me, etc. Long story short— he was having an affair and there was no chance of reconciliation.

Now I am petitioning for an annulment— I filed in January 2014. I have relied heavily on my faith in the past 14 months and I am very frightened by the fact that my annulment may not be granted. Support groups, counselors, other people encourage me to move forward. But in order to move forward I need to close out my past. I strongly feel I need this closure as validation that my Church supports me.

Of course, infidelity is not grounds, so my paperwork focuses on partial simulation against children (he had a vasectomy 6 years ago against my wishes and after 2 children). How do I work through this? The length of time it takes is so long and I feel “stuck” where I am.

FATHER JOE:

Readers might be curious about what you are talking about. Sterilization after the consummation of the bond and offspring is not grounds unless it is representative of a pre-existing negativity against parenthood which existed when one shared vows and entered into the marriage. Partial simulation implies that one or both of the spouses deliberately wills at the time of the vows to either exclude spousal rights to acts which are directed to procreation or to strip those acts of fecundity. A contraceptive mentality often feeds this ailment that damages the very meaning of a true marriage.

How do you work through this time of deliberation and uncertainty? Practice your faith and be a good mother. You cannot do much about your husband but you do have some say about your home and children. Find solace in good friends, children who need you and a God who loves you, no matter what.
marine tierney, on October 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm said:

Father Joe
I have recently lost a member of my family, can I put on the headstone prayer – “Sacred Heart of Jesus pray for the soul of” the stonemason has advised that this is not correct. I would really appreciate your advise. Thank you

FATHER JOE: The stonemason is correct. You have it backwards. Jesus is a divine person and risen. We pray to the Sacred Heart. The Sacred Heart is God.
chinonye, on October 16, 2014 at 11:06 am said:

So Father how does one not abuse indulgences?

FATHER JOE: I would not build my spiritual life around them.
ernest pope, on October 15, 2014 at 9:58 pm said:

i,m ernest pope i was born and raised baptist, but i have had an interest in possesion and such i have done some reading and some study not alot but some. my understanding is this: i do believe in demonic possesion and the bible proves this, i know that catholic churc h deal with this, but i,m thining that with put god s protection of the soul, such as salvation of the sould , meaning saved by christ thru his death on the cross to save us from sin,then any one can be and subject to demonic possesionmay i have your tho9ughts on this

FATHER JOE: Faith in Christ, remaining in a state of grace and the sacraments are a sure defense.
Peri, on October 15, 2014 at 2:17 pm said:

Hi, Father Joe!

I would like to ask if there is a Catholic Church teaching about soul mates.

By soul mate, I mean to say: a partner in life (husband or wife) that God will give me. In my case, a husband because I’m a woman. Like a love story that God plans to happen.

Are Mama Mary and Saint Joseph soul mates?

Are Jacob and Rachel soul mates?

Are Queen Esther and the King(?) soul mates?

In such a way that their marriage is included in God’s plan?

I also think that if there is no dogma about soul mates, then that makes me free to believe or not to believe?

Can you please enlighten me about this?

Thank you so much!

God bless you, Father Joe!

FATHER JOE:

No, there really is no teaching about “soul mates” as such. I take it you mean a special friend where you find yourself in spiritual harmony or in sync. Such relationships exist and married couples are fortunate to find this kinship in a mate; however, this is not always the case. Spouses should share essential values; however, they can also be very different from one another. This is not necessarily bad as they might complement each other in different areas— enriching their bond and filling in the gaps left by the other. The Church does teach that spouses should be helpmates, both in terms of the domestic home and in the growth of holiness. When a couple gets married, it is the intertwining of their free consent and the mysterious providence of God. Marriages are made on earth but the joys of married life are a taste of heaven.

Mary and Joseph worked together. But we really know nothing of how they personally interacted, day by day. Mary is the one who is given a voice in Scripture. Joseph is the protector of the Holy Family. He speaks to us from his silence. I could say even less about the list of couples from the Old Testament. They might have been soul mates. However, they might also have related to each other chiefly through duty, work and their children. Marriage is part of God’s plan but it ends with the grave. As a sacrament it points to the eternal Nuptial Bond and Banquet of the Lamb of God with his bride the Church.

Peace!
Olivia Sanubis, on October 14, 2014 at 8:37 pm said:

Father, I would consider myself a devout Catholic, regularly attending Mass for my 34 years. I grew up in the church attending youth ministry events where they repeatedly stressed the importance of purity and saving oneself for marriage. I’ve never had a problem with those teachings until now. It was almost as if the church promised me that there were others out there like me and I’ve discovered they are wrong – they don’t exist; it seems as if no one is following this church teaching. People that are highly respected and regular church attendees have not kept it secret that they have engaged in activities that the church teaches against. As more and more of this comes to light (not by way of gossip, but by honest conversation from the people themselves) I grow more and more disappointed with mankind, and my brothers and sisters. I feel let down and alone because I hold these teachings close to my heart, but now feel like there is not a potential mate for me out there that believes these same things. I know God doesn’t promise me a spouse, but why does the church not stress these teachings anymore?

FATHER JOE: There are good and chaste people like you out in the world. And yes, there are many who have compromised themselves. I cannot say who might be the person for you— it could even be one who has made mistakes and is now contrite. It may even be a person who might be saved by coming to know and love you. Yes, it is easy to be disappointed. But it should be enough that we are faithful and receive God’s mercy for our sins and weaknesses.
chinonye, on October 14, 2014 at 4:40 pm said:

Father, what does it mean to abuse indulgences?

FATHER JOE: Collecting them as if they function like magic… treating holiness in a mechanical or superstitious way. There have been a number of changes in how we approach indulgences since Pope Paul VI. Today they encourage good works, spiritual pilgrimages and such. The numerical system in old prayer books is no longer in force. There are very few active plenary indulgences offered compared to the past. I love the old Raccolta prayers but many of the indulgences associated with them are no longer actively promoted. There is no substitute for living a sacramental life and practicing charity.

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/myths-about-indulgences
Tamar, on October 14, 2014 at 3:18 am said:

If god Exaists then why are there so many poor people, innocent people dying and unfair situations accuring in life. I believe in god because I see dreams of Jesus, he often worn me about situations that’s will take place. However; when I see people struggling including me in life. I often ask my self where is god now? I get news from saint juds hospital how kids are struggling to survive, and not being able to run and have fun as others do. Why does this happen to them. Most people say they believe in god but yet they do all the wrong things in the world over and over again and they get away with it. Why should believers struggle?

FATHER JOE: Sin brought suffering, pain and death into the world. The fault rests with us, not God.
chinonye, on October 13, 2014 at 3:12 pm said:

Thank you Father, I also wanted to add that, the night that he acted that way I was so furious that I said some things that weren’t nice, not to his face but to my sister, saying that I would never marry a man from the same place as him, that my mum lets him walk all over her, that she isn’t strong enough etc
I said a lot of things that night and when I woke up the next day being sunday I was confused as to whether I should receive holy communion or not, but I eventually did and now I’m scared that I shouldn’t have received it considering how angry I got the previous night. Did I commit a sacrilege?

FATHER JOE: Probably not, just make an act of contrition and pray for strength.
Ruth, on October 12, 2014 at 3:35 pm said:

If Jesus knew that He was going to be crucified for the salvation of people, why did He pray to the Father to take His cup of suffering away? I’m sure he knew that the prayer wouldn’t be answered, then why did He pray the same thing thrice??? I ask this because when I pray for something and it doesn’t get answered shortly I give up praying for it.

FATHER JOE: His angst is not despair but the genuine sign that the incarnation was real. No human being in his right mind wants to be tortured and murdered. Our human nature rebels at the prospect and that is what happens here. Nevertheless, in the face of this sorrow, he reaffirms the mission given him by his Father. This is more than asking for strength. Jesus is not going to run away. He knows what is coming. He demonstrates what true fidelity means. He shows us the true face of courage.
chinonye, on October 11, 2014 at 11:42 pm said:

Hello Father,
I’m sorry I keep on bringing this whole issue about my dad but please I need help! His abusive behaviour keeps growing worse with each passing day. He literally switched off the tv in my front and my 36 year old and 28 year old sisters’ front, saying that all we do is watch tv all day, and he’s obsessed with us especially my 36 year old sister giving him grandchildren.
My sister is going through a rough patch in her life, being unemployed and he’s not even showing her the slightest sympathy. The words that comes out from his mouth are like poison that we struggle to cope with each day.
Please Father how do I cope? I know we are to carry our cross in life but how do we carry this cross?

FATHER JOE: Is it his home? If so I would suggest moving out. If it is yours, then it is time for him to find another place to stay.
Laura, on October 11, 2014 at 1:20 am said:

Father, my sister has chosen me and my husband to be godparents. Me and my husband were married in a Catholic church, I have all my sacraments but my husband does not have any, is there a way he can still be godfather to my nephew?

FATHER JOE: Sorry, there is no way that your husband can be a godfather. Godparents in Catholic baptisms MUST be Catholics, at least 16 years of age, fully initiated (Penance, Communion and Confirmation) and be in good standing with the Church. One sponsor could be a Christian Witness, but that person must be a baptized believer in Christ. You cannot witness something you do not have yourself. Your husband could take classes and receive the sacraments. That would make him eligible in the future.
Lindsay Coulter, on October 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm said:

My brother passed away in January to skin cancer. I’m having a hard time accepting what happened. It still seems so unbelievable. I’ve had a handful of dreams he has been in since then. Some good and some not so fun. I heard about “visitation dreaming” where a deceased loved one can visit you in your dreams. Is this real or wishful thinking?

FATHER JOE: I cannot say about particular cases, but in general it might be possible… as long as God allows it.
Ruth, on October 10, 2014 at 2:28 pm said:

Father, I do my prayers daily. I used to even pray the Rosary and Mercy Chaplet in my room. Whenever possible I go for mass. I say the Rosary with family daily. But here I am..unemployed, failed in my exams, waiting for the right groom.
I see my colleagues, not a care in the world..prayers?? maybe only if they were in trouble..yet they are so happy..everything in their lives works out for the best.
I believe after every suffering there is a reward. But am I wrong in grumbling against God and scolding Him occasionally? I do not want to but out of desperation I tell God at times, that I pray to Him only coz if I don’t He would punish me, not out of love. I get really depressed, and I also see people who pray a lot have the most problems in life.
Please tell me how do I stand firm in faith?

FATHER JOE: Ours is not the “gimme god.” Just being a believer does not mean that everything will run smoothly in your life. We are promised perfect happiness in the next life, not this one. Do you think sinning would make you any happier. No, I do not think so. Jesus says to take up our crosses and follow him. We can opt to do so or disobey him. The choice is yours.
chinonye, on October 10, 2014 at 11:27 am said:

Thank you Father. Yesterday I was feeling down so I ate a piece of cake just to feel good I guess.
Father I was very angry because my tailor didn’t sew my cloth very well, to me she ruined the material albeit unknowingly.
I want to offer that annoyance to God on behalf of the souls in purgatory, but considering how angry I got, do you think it would be of any merit in the eyes of God? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Even small annoyances can be applied to the penitential life.
chinonye, on October 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm said:

Thanks Father, I also wanted to ask, would it be considered gluttony if i eat when I’m not hungry, and is it venial or mortal?

FATHER JOE: Why would you eat when not hungry? I might eat too much but (unfortunately) I am most always hungry. Gluttony is eating when we do not need to do so.
chinonye, on October 8, 2014 at 6:40 am said:

Hello Father, I came across a word called “spiritual gluttony” and wondered what it truly meant. I tend to study a lot of topics on the Catholic faith to the extent that I can spend considerable amount of time studying one topic, like for example purgatory.

Does it constitute spiritual gluttony? Thanks.

FATHER JOE:

The term is a bit of a misnomer because one is not really being spiritually enriched. After all, can a person become too holy— no, of course he cannot. What we are discussing here is (1) the availability of spiritual riches; (2) our capacity to benefit from them given our disposition; and (3) how they impact upon the service associated with our state of life. For instance, a person who races around so as to attend as many Masses in a given day as possible would suffer from this problem. The Church established a rule against the reception of multiple daily Holy Communion. Some believers increasing say more and more daily devotions and needlessly lengthen the Rosary. Years ago we had to forbid a woman from leading the Rosary before Mass because it threatened to swallow up the time allotted for the liturgy. Other pious folk went elsewhere to avoid what they rightly interpreted as fanatical. Indulgences can similarly be abused with people treating the treasury of heaven like the stock market. There is nothing wrong with piety and prayer. Most could well do with novenas and an occasional Holy Hour. But we need to remember that while God’s graces are boundless; our capacity for them is often limited. Prayer requires reflection and meditation. It should not become mechanical. We are not simply to bank the graces God gives us but to put them into use as his disciples. We must be wary not to become so overwhelmed with the gifts that we lose sight of the Giver. Just as food is wasted if the body is not strengthened by it; so too the soul can become weighed down by a spiritual bounty that is too much for us. Indeed, we may even give too much emphasis upon pious anecdotes and accidentals that do not bring real holiness. Remember, the object is transformation into the likeness of Christ.
Jake, on October 8, 2014 at 6:11 am said:

I am in trouble and I need some advice. I feel my wife and I are drifting apart. For some time now she has shown no affection toward me. She rarely even sleeps in the same room with me. I know she loves me as a devoted husband and father, but I don’t think she likes me anymore.

This lack of affection making me feel bad. I see other women and I have to fight off sinful thoughts. I see other couples and feel envy of their close relationships. I would never cheat on my wife, and I do love her, but as of now I feel that my faith and fear of not being able to receive the Eucharist is the only thing that is keeping me in this marriage. I have tried to speak with her about my feelings, but all that comes of it is an argument or being accused of “only wanting sex”.

I really do not know what to do. I feel I would be letting God down if I left her, but being with someone who does not want me is a cross I feel I cannot bear. I want to be a good father, but feel that I may be setting a bad example staying in this marriage. Any help you can provide or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

FATHER JOE: If she loves you as a devoted husband and father then why does she show you no affection? Sorry, that does not jive. And are you really dedicated if the only thing keeping you in the marriage is your standing in the Church? There is a serious disconnect here. As for wanting sex, it is an expression of your marriage covenant. Unless she is ill, your wife commits a grievous sin to deny the marriage bed. It is about more than pleasure but the intimacy that God intends for the nuptial union. You are not setting a bad example for staying in the marriage. If you are married then there is no out. You are married until one of you dies— case closed. No one is guaranteed perfect happiness in this world. Spouses are not always good and loving. Sacrificial love means keeping promises, no matter what the cost. Short of serious abuse or life-endangerment, you must remain with your wife. You should also make the demands that are proper for one who is the head of the household. You are talking with me when you need to be talking with her. She might abandon you, but you should not leave her. I would force her to face her failure as a wife just as you must be more assertive and responsible as a husband and father.
Angela, on October 7, 2014 at 5:00 pm said:

I wouldn’t say I am very religious. I have my doubts and they bother me. I want to believe and have strong faith and I so want to believe and know that their is something after this life. I am very afraid of death. I became very angry at God at 20 when my mom died of cancer at age 51.

Anyway in 2007 I was at the Maundy Thursday service. The church was dark so I shut my eyes while listening to the music or sermon I don’t remember now. I did not fall asleep I know that for sure. All of a sudden a vision appeared to me, it was a figure dressed in a white garment. I don’t remember seeing a head or face it was like that part was out of the field of the vision. I saw a hand that I feel was male. Anyway I felt this sudden overwhelming feeling inside of love and happiness. I ran to this figure and he hugged me and I cried in the embrace. I would compare it to how a child might feel if they were lost in a store and were so happy and relieved to find their parent again. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I didn’t want this vision or feeling to end, but it did. It was so powerful and I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t tell anyone about it for a long time. But then I did ask a few people, know one has been able to tell me what I might have been.

Thank you for your time,
Angela