Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Emmy, on October 7, 2014 at 2:20 am said:

Good evening Father, I have a question that poses a moral dilemma for me. I was hired to do a bookkeeping job for a business man who said he needed his accounts analyzed. His daughter had been doing the bookkeeping for several years, but now he was bouncing checks. What I discovered was that the bank accounts had not been reconciled in over 5 years and that checks had been cashed, but were not included in with the other cancelled checks in the bank statement. This led me to believe that his daughter had embezzled the money and I urged him to call the bank and get copies of all these checks which totaled over $25,000. My suspicions were true and the business man confronted his daughter and she admitted to the fraud. It turns out this was the second time she stole from him, the first time was crediting her debit card to the tune of $10,000. The business man refused to press charges against his own daughter. NOW… my dilemma is this woman just got another bookkeeping job, should I notify the company that this person has forged documents and embezzled or just mind my own business. Thank you, this is really bothering me.

FATHER JOE: It would depend upon the level of confidence that your employer held you to maintain. Sometimes there are even confidentiality agreements. Unless you still have evidence of wrongdoing in your possession, she might even be able to take legal action against you for slander if you come forward. Can you ethically prove what you would be sharing? If the matter is a public record, even if not prosecuted, then I would say let them know. Peace!
chinonye, on October 6, 2014 at 10:24 pm said:

Thank you Father for your response. About my dad,Father I’m not very happy today. I didn’t like the way my dad spoke to my elder sister. She’s currently unemployed and going through a rough patch in her life. She wanted to watch a tv show and he alluded to the fact that she doesn’t have a job, and the whole thing seemed like it was going to turn to an insult.
I’m just angry and depressed for her and angry at the fact that he says hurtful things sometimes. I really don’t know how to endure this.
chinonye, on October 6, 2014 at 8:21 am said:

Hello Father,
I booked a one month holy mass novena for the souls in purgatory. Does it mean that the souls I booked it for will receive the merits of holy mass being offered everyday until the one month is completed and possibly go to heaven? Thanks

FATHER JOE: It is correct that the fruits of the Mass are offered for the poor souls. Those in Purgatory will eventually be translated into heaven.
Susie, on October 5, 2014 at 1:34 pm said:

Dear Ana,
Thank you so much for your reply.
I guess father Joe was not too comfortable answering my question. I sincerely apologize, father.
Ana I have never met a priest before. And the priests in my church are very very particular about dressing that they mention it during their homilies quite a number of times. That’s why I wouldn’t want to goof up and be the subject of their next homily.
Thank you so much for the response 🙂

FATHER JOE: There is no need to apologize to me. I am just a poor judge of women’s clothing.
Bob, on October 3, 2014 at 9:27 pm said:

Father Joe: I was asked what the truth is in Christianity and the Church.
My response was the teachings of Christ, scripture and tradition of the church. The response was “well I have that now in my current faith so how do I answer that question that I struggle with ,what is the true Church?” I said pray the response was; “well that’s what they all say.” I felt very uneasy that I couldn’t give the answer this person was looking for. I’m I that blind in my own Catholic faith that my answer left me insecure?

FATHER JOE: The necessity for the true Church is tied up with the identity and meaning of Jesus Christ. Christianity is not a philosophy of life or a book religion. It is a faith entirely dependent upon Christ as Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. We are called to both a personal and a corporate faith in Jesus Christ. Faith is understood in terms of charity and obedience. The Catholic perspective emphasizes the mystery of the Incarnation. God becomes a human being to forgive us and to give us a share in the divine life. Our Lord is also present in the Living Word, the saving proclamation and revelation. Jesus is present in Word and in Sacrament, especially the Eucharist. Jesus is the Way. None are saved apart from Christ. The Church was also called the Way. “Outside the Church there is no salvation.” How is this? It is because Christ is present and active in his Mystical Body, the Church. Do you see the intimacy and the constant reference to incarnation?

Jesus in human flesh.
Jesus in the inspired Word.
Jesus in the Eucharist.
Jesus in the Church.

We invoke the Holy Spirit that conceived Christ in the womb of Mary. The Spirit of God inspires the Word, consecrates the Eucharist and abides in the Church (and us) as temples of the divine presence. We beseech God to transform us ever more and more into the likeness of Christ.
chinonye, on October 3, 2014 at 1:50 pm said:

Thank you Father for your response. I wanted to ask, and I know that I ve asked this question before but I’m still confused. A friend of mine wants me to buy a cream for her that will help to enhance her curves. Will it be wrong if I purchase this cream? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: I doubt there is a moral issue but I cannot fathom how any cream will help. It sounds rather ridiculous to me. Peace!
Hena, on October 3, 2014 at 10:33 am said:

Hiii,

I am muslim 26 and my boyfriend 29 from a muslim country and very traditional family too. We decided to convert from islam and this cannot be happen in our country.
Above all we want to get married following christian religion.
We have only one way to leave home and become a refugee in another country. But we are really worry if that country don’t accept us and also churches dont help us on this issue. Please help us. Thank u.

FATHER JOE: Be very careful. Depending upon what country, you cold be in great danger. I cannot speak for all churches, but the Catholic Church would be very happy to see you embrace the faith. Instructions would be required before receiving baptism and the other sacraments. After learning about the faith, conversion would be your decision. No one would force you. I will keep you both in prayer.
chinonye, on October 1, 2014 at 5:17 pm said:

Hello, Father. I’m 24. The abusive behaviors range from raining curses, my dad disrespecting my mum, etc. I understand that we ought to forgive and forget but sometimes it gets too much, such that I feel like my boundaries are being violated over and over again. I’ve forgiven my parents but sometimes my dad talks disrespectfully to my mum and I cringe each time he does that. I find myself forgiving him over and over and over again, such that it becomes draining. How do I cope?

FATHER JOE: We can urge people to change but sometimes they do not. You want to forgive your father. But is he open to forgiveness? He pays a spiritual price for abusive behavior. Be strong and support your mother. I would not stand for bad behavior. He hurts others but he also hurts himself.
Ana, on September 30, 2014 at 7:02 pm said:

Dear Susie,

I thought I’d add a bit to Father’s reply here on dressing modestly, speaking as a girl myself. Before that though, I sort of want to ask why you feel so concerned about it. Is it this priest you’re meeting in particular in any way, or is it priests, or men, in general? Is this the first time you’re seeing a priest, or this priest? Does it remind you of any other situation? These questions open a whole other matter, of course, but it may be good to consider prayerfully on your own before your appointed meeting.

Now, there are some things we have to be careful for, specifically what features are getting attention in what clothes we wear. We don’t have to dress in shapeless things to be modest, nor should we hide ourselves because we’re ugly or dirty. That’s not the additude we should have about dressing modestly. Needs to be positive: what sort of clothes compliments one of God’s daughters, is this something I’d wear to church or a rock concert, that sort of thing.

Anyways, it’s good to keep guidelines in mind like avoiding short or tight clothing (skinny jeans, leggings, tank/tube tops, bikinis and so on). However, even modest clothes can become immodest at certain angles. A long-sleeved top with a high neckline could still fall open. Maybe you could do a mirror check, see if certain movements (eg bending) reveal anything you would cover with a towel.

I’m not sure if that’s specific enough, but I hope it helps. I know of a lot of ladies who speak well on this on YouTube, notably those for Women’s conferences at Steubenville. Something to look up maybe? 🙂
Susie, on September 30, 2014 at 4:11 am said:

And what would count for modest according to a priest. Coz I’ve heard priests preaching on modesty during sermons. They get annoyed at the way women dress. Yet they fail to tell us in black and white how we are actually supposed to dress.

FATHER JOE: Sorry, I am not an expert on women’s clothing. Are you telling me that as a woman you do not know what is or is not modest in your culture? I can only speak to a few elements in American society: (1) too tight; (2) too little; and (3) too revealing. Short shorts, miniskirts, plunging neck lines, summer bikinis, and bare midriffs are problematical.
Susie, on September 29, 2014 at 3:39 pm said:

Hello father joe,
What is the most appropriate way to dress while meeting a priest one on one? Are sleeveless or short dresses okay if worn properly?

FATHER JOE: Whatever counts for modest is okay.
Shirley, on September 29, 2014 at 8:09 am said:

Hi Fr. Joe,
I refer to your reply in response to my question. Please pardon me, but it was my godson who wondered if it was possible to fetch a priest for blessing due to his wife’s illness. Perhaps to rephrase it more appropriately: in the case of religion, if it is possible to get a priest (or perhaps anyone) to pray over her despite being a Buddhist, not in a sacramental sense but just simply in a general term.

(& yes, they are both validly married in Church.)

FATHER JOE: Priests can pray over anyone, and yet while there would be no sacrament it would still constitute a sacramental. Even some Christian denominations reject sacramentals like priestly blessings, sprinkling holy water, rosaries, etc. Much still depends upon the disposition of the person. Does she want it? What does she view it as? Without the proper disposition, the graces are not fully actualized.
Shirley, on September 29, 2014 at 4:21 am said:

My godson has a wife who is currently ill in hospital. As a non-Catholic non-Christian (Buddhist), will his wife be able to receive blessings from a priest?

FATHER JOE: It depends upon what you mean by “blessing.” When priests bless the children in their parochial schools, no distinction is made between the Catholics and non-Catholics. However, blessings do not function like magic. Further, some use the word blessing in regard to the convalidation of marriages. This is an improper use of the word and I take it that this is not what you mean. The real question here is not the priest offering a blessing but the disposition of the person that might be blessed. Why would someone who does not believe in Catholicism or even Christianity want a priest’s blessing? The priest would want to correct any superstitious notion. He would rather bring her to the saving faith and baptism. Further, is she and your godson married in the Church? If not, then their union is not recognized and your godson is in a state of serious sin. She may be in ignorance of such a truth but living according to her conscience. We leave the judgment of non-Christians to the Lord although we still very much believe that Christ is the one Savior and that the Church is the great sacrament of salvation.
JM, on September 28, 2014 at 8:43 pm said:

Hi Father,

I am struggling with what to do about my job. I moved halfway across the country (away from my family and friends) to take a job as an instructional coach in a large public school because the principal was an incredible person. For about a month, it was a fantastic job. But two weeks ago she resigned without notice for health reasons. I have no close friends at the school, and while my coworkers are polite, they are already very good friends with each other and continually make me feel like an outsider. Our replacement principal is rude and has asked us to take on responsibilities that were not in the job description (and because of the way my position is funded, I am technically legally not supposed to take on–they have already asked me to “fudge” my paperwork so it doesn’t reflect this extra work). I am deeply unhappy at work and don’t believe in the direction the new principal wants to take our school.

I am not on contract as most teachers are, and was told when I took the job that I could quit whenever I want (though they preferred it would be at the end of the school year). Legally there’s nothing standing in my way, and I have a job opportunity waiting for me if I leave. But I worry about the teachers I am leaving behind. Their principal last year left them abruptly, this principal left abruptly, and we work at a failing school with low-income students. It’s already a high-stress situation, and I worry that I would make things worse if I left. On the day the principal announced her resignation, I made the mistake of saying–without thinking–to the teachers that of course I would stay and I wouldn’t abandon them. So now I feel like leaving would be breaking a promise.

My question is, is it morally permissible for me to quit? The thought of staying for another 8 months to finish the school year leaves my stomach in knots, but I want to do what is morally right. I have been praying about it, but God has not given me any clear sign either way (and I worry that I’m so eager to leave, I might be blocking out what He is trying to say). I just want to do the right thing–please help!

FATHER JOE: I would not be happy about “fudging” paperwork to maintain funding. That is deception. Would the other job still be waiting for you in eight months? If not, then it would be important to maintain personal security. Otherwise, you have to measure the level of your commitment. Is the position still what you signed up to do? Are you effective with the children and making a positive difference? Might the teachers become friends given sufficient time? Of course, you might take the decision out of your hands by telling or exposing (if necessary) the principal’s rudeness and problematical decisions or direction. Such people usually cannot stand feedback and I suspect the principal would quickly insist that the two of you part ways.
laxmi, on September 28, 2014 at 12:29 pm said:

sir i want to marry a person….but his family say no to me….i want to marry that person at any cost..i can to anything..plz tell me a way to request by wish from jesus

FATHER JOE: While we believe in the power of faith and miracles, Christianity is not magic and Jesus does not perform wishes. Family recognition is important, and in some cultures more than others. However, the real issue here is whether this desire for marriage is mutual. Does this man want to marry you? Are you both free to marry? Are you ready for marriage? The ball is still in your court.
chinonye, on September 26, 2014 at 11:33 am said:

Hello Father. Please how do I cope with abusive behavior from my parents? Sometimes I feel like I can’t say my mind without being made to feel like as if I’m being insulting.
Sometimes I get so angry and lash out at them. Like today I lashed out on my mum and I feel like I have committed a mortal sin? Please how do I cope? How Iong should i endure abusive behavior? Is it sinful for me to be angry for a long time or should I forgive after 2 seconds? I feel like my needs aren’t being met. I feel treated like a 10 year old and my boundaries not being respected.
I want to be a true follower of Christ but sometimes anger gets the better of me, coupled with abusive situations at home, and I feel like as if everything I do is a sin. Please Father help me, my mind is spinning!

FATHER JOE: How old are you? What is the nature of the abusive behavior? The dynamics of obedience and respect change with age. But no one has the right to abuse another. While we should seek to forgive, this does not mean that we should excuse or become utterly passive to evil. Are we really talking about abuse or just strictness?
peter, on September 26, 2014 at 4:41 am said:

i have a question about black holes if god created the universe, why did he create black holes that slow down time

FATHER JOE: Why did God create giraffes with those silly necks, just to eat from tall trees? Heck I know… because he wanted to. What I am trying to say is that I see no contradiction. God lives outside of time. He is neither affected by the immense gravity wells of black holes nor by any ordinary time dilation. He stands outside it and maintains it as his creation. As for ourselves, we struggle to understand our rational universe and our place in it.
tom, on September 25, 2014 at 10:19 am said:

Hi can I ask is it a sin to watch action and horror movies?..I love watching movies and love punk music!…is Halloween OK thanks …

FATHER JOE: Each movie has to be evaluated on its own merits, as with music. I would not attack either genre you mention; however, films can cross the line into the vulgar, pornographic and sickening. Certain productions can become sinful or causes for sin. Sexual simulation in films is wrong. Films laced with bad language are also problematical, especially when there is no arguable need. Blasphemy against God and derogation of human dignity is also all too common in modern films. I have never seen the value in slasher films.
chinonye, on September 24, 2014 at 9:42 pm said:

Hello Father, I noticed that my previous question wasn’t answered. Hope I didn’t ask anything that was offensive, if so I’m sorry. I lost my temper and slapped my handicapped sister after she defecated on the floor, and I feel like I’ve committed a grave sin against God. Can I receive Holy Communion on Sunday? I easily lose my temper and I think I struggle with scrupulous thinking. Please help me! Thank you.

FATHER JOE: There was no sign of the comment until now. You should be extra kind to your sister. Ask for forgiveness of God when you say your prayers. As long as there is no lasting damage, I would say put the incident behind you and receive the sacraments as usual.
Ruth, on September 23, 2014 at 3:39 pm said:

Father what is your say on anger and a hot temper?
I keep losing my cool all the time especially at home. and with family.
I am quite happy about it at times because if I’m too nice people take advantage of me.
This is like my self defence.
The only thing I feel bad about is I really hurt the person because I use sharp words..Is it a grave sin?

FATHER: Losing control and hurtful anger (meanness) is sinful matter. The gravity varies.
Kim, on September 22, 2014 at 7:17 am said:

Hello Father Joe

If one makes a promise to God, and fails to keep it, is it a mortal sin?

FATHER JOE:

We should keep our promises but as for fault, such depends upon many factors:

(1) Is the matter of the promise serious and/or should it have been made at all?

(2) Is it a promise from which we can readily be released or is it in regard to a permanent state?

(3) What were the reasons why the promise could not be kept? Was it beyond our control?

In any case, mortal or venial, go to Confession and speak to the priest about it. Seek absolution.
chinonye, on September 21, 2014 at 10:56 pm said:

Wow Father, your response got me scared I must confess, lol. I just made the vow some days ago, and with what you said, maybe I should revoke it because I’m not superbly holy like the saints. I loved the idea that you get to save a lot of souls and have them pray for you in gratitude for your sacrifice. I guess I didn’t think through it very well before making it.
chinonye, on September 20, 2014 at 7:46 am said:

Father, if one falls into mortal sin whilst having made the heroic act of charity, and goes to confession and renews the vow, will God accept it?
Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Even after Confession, you will probably suffer from the needs of temporal punishment due because of sin. Penance can be offered but if you should die first, you will be in purgatory. Sin and selfishness make a heroic act of charity impossible. It is more than words. It is a profound movement of the will. The person literally gives God all the good works of his life for the salvation of souls. He hands his life over as a gift grafted to Christ. Mortal sin makes such an offer impossible. Venial sin and selfishness taints our works of charity (love). It is no longer truly heroic. We cannot give our entire life if elements of it do not belong to God or please him. The indulgenced act in question means taking the graces merited by us and asking they be applied to the suffering souls. But this becomes difficult or impossible when we (personally) are in desperate need for those very same graces. Frequent Confession is good but it is not enough. We must break off the attachment to sin, sinful habit or vice, and satisfy temporal punishment with penance.

One final point, what are the acts of charity we are offering?

More than prayer, the Church would be looking for things like service to the Church, helping with soup kitchens, supplying food pantries, visiting elderly in homes or the shut-ins, giving blood to Red Cross, tutoring special learning children, collecting winter coats for the poor, teaching English to immigrants, volunteering for Special Olympics, etc.

We are not talking about a quick-and-easy prayer and then magic from heaven. It is a lifetime commitment. If you want to help others in becoming saints then you must be one first.
chinonye, on September 20, 2014 at 7:25 am said:

Thank you Father for your response! Please I also wanted to ask, can the gaining of partial indulgences for the poor souls do a great deal for them also in the making of the heroic act? I’m saying this because it seems like its kinda hard to gain plenary indulgences especially where it says that one must not have an attachment to sin.

FATHER JOE: Partial indulgences remit some (but not all) temporal punishment due because of sin. Not all poor souls are the same. It all helps but none of us have a window into purgatory. You say that “its kind hard.” Well, that is the point. It is not supposed to be easy.
chinonye, on September 19, 2014 at 9:53 pm said:

Hello Father, in performing the Heroic Act of Charity, does one also give up the merits of one’s past good works, prayers etc? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: There are still graces that come back upon the person who makes the offering, such is the benefit of charity. But any mortal sin throws a monkey wrench into such an offer. You must remain in a state of grace. You are simply willing that all the good works during your lifetime will be applied to the poor souls for the remission of venial sin and for their spiritual healing.