Recently the morning news was buzzing from right to left about Gio Benitez receiving his confirmation at the Church of St. Paul the Apostle in New York on Monday, November 10, 2025. Normally, such an event would not be news, even for a celebrity, as he is the co-anchor of the Good Morning America television program. However, what made this event controversial in the eyes of many is the fact that he is a homosexual and that his same-sex husband Tommy DiDario was his sponsor.
The journalist says some wonderful things about his spiritual journey. However, our standing with God is not purely subjective. Each of us must earnestly struggle with our weaknesses and sins under the light of the revealed Gospel so that we might be disposed to divine grace. What the Bible and the Catechism teach matters if we accept that God has revealed his truths to the Catholic Church. The Scriptures are critical of homosexual acts and classify them as grievous sins. There is no getting around that fact. The universal catechism, while not opposed to an air of welcoming, nevertheless, classifies same-sex attraction as a “disorientation.”
The Old Testament is the most severe (Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13) and is often cited by those who favor criminalizing homosexual activity. Secular critics have gone so far as to stamp these passages as hate speech. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19) is reckoned as corporate condemnation for any society that permits or condones homosexual acts. The apostle Paul is the chief moral teacher in the New Testament. He stamps same-sex intimacy as sinful and contrary to the laws of nature (Romans 1:26-27). St. Paul warns that deviant acts will forfeit our place in the kingdom of heaven (1 Corinthians 6:9-10; 1 Timothy 1:9-10).
Benitez had long wrestled with his Christian faith. His online testimony to this struggle is quite moving. Here it is in his own words:
“Six months ago, the death of a humble pope unexpectedly took me on a journey that was a lifetime in the making. Fr. James Martin, SJ was on GMA speaking about Pope Francis’ legacy of inclusivity. His words struck me. It was the first time I had seen a priest speaking in such a beautiful way about LGBTQ people. / I had received my baptism with my mom 25 years ago when I was 15. In secret, that nagging question persisted: if God created me, how could he not love me? I went on to study religion in college, searching for proof of God’s love. / In May, I walked through the doors of St. Paul the Apostle Church for the first time as Fr. Eric Andrews preached on three simple words spoken by Christ: Love One Another. ‘When we’re able to love and love freely and openly – and love ourselves as well – we are a long way down the road to fulfilling the Kingdom of God.’ / It turns out proof of God’s love wasn’t in the books or lecture halls, or even the amount of years I spent studying. That divine love was in me all along, always whispering guidance, gently reaching out with arms wide open, and like Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam, patiently waiting for me to reach back out and embrace the greatest mystery. / My Confirmation Mass was a very small gathering of family and friends who have quietly been with me on this journey. But in my mind, those empty pews were filled with a cloud of witnesses: my grandparents who taught me how to pray, my aunts and uncles who helped raise me, and dear friends – praying for me behind an invisible veil. / I found the Ark of the Covenant in my heart, stored there by the one who created me… exactly as I am.”
In all this my one concern is about identifying a whole class of persons as “LGBTQ people.” While we can be distinguished by gender, and then only male and female, many of us fail to see how sexual orientation suffices as a sufficient category to denote a class of people. Each of us is so much more than our sexual attraction and behavior. It may be the result of past segregation and criminalization, but I would urge everyone to get beyond such classifications. Proponents of the homosexual lifestyle argue that such identification is a personal decision rooted in orientation and gender identity. But gender is not fluid; rather, it is fixed. Heterosexual or homosexual, one is not an animal without control or discipline. We all have freedom and choice about what we do, good and bad. Those who espouse a strict determinism and lack of choice are deceived. Yes, you have no say about being black or white or about being male or female; however, one can either remain virtuous and pure or pursue vice and immorality. While our discipleship will come to define us in the world to come as either saved or lost, in this world we need not allow our identity to be utterly exhausted by the sins of fornication, adultery or sodomy.
The core problems raised by critics emerge in Benitez’s remarks of appreciation:
“My deepest gratitude to Fr. Eric Andrews, Fr. James Martin, Fr. Paul Rospond, and Fr. Chris Lawton, SP for showing me that God’s loving mercy is unconditional, for Joey Chancey for pouring his heart out into the piano keys and into our friendship, Catherine Allison for allowing us to hear what an angel sounds like, Don Saladino for his prayers, my mom and sister for being examples of grace in action, and to my incredible husband and sponsor, Tommy DiDario, for supporting me through it all.”
First, we have lost something of the distinction between official Catholic doctrine and laws on one hand and pastoral accommodation on the other. This was long understood regarding the matter of artificial contraception among married couples. The prohibition was publicly affirmed by the Magisterium; however, Pope John Paul II urged confessors (within the internal forum) to exhibit heightened sensitivity. Fr. James Martin and many of his fellows say and do little that is not widely publicized. There is a lack of consistency in echoing the catechism. Ecclesial discipline is regularly compromised. This ministerial imprudence has created moral scandal in the public forum. Gio Benitez, as a layman drawn to the faith, largely follows the priest’s lead. Papal favor extended to Fr. Martin, along with an ambiguity rooted in compassion, set the stage for such head-scratching incidents as reported here.
Second, we must be careful about judging the candidate because those who had charge of him sought to normalize his irregular union. Red flags are raised and questions asked. Did Benitez go to confession prior to confirmation so that he would receive the sacraments in a state of grace? Was there firm amendment of life? Would there be a real effort at living a brotherly life with his special friend in mutual celibacy? Certain answers could very much change the moral tone of the situation.
Third, he not only refers to Tommy DiDario as his “husband,” but we are told that he acted as his sponsor. How can we process this? The Christian faith clearly teaches that the sacrament of marriage is an exclusive “covenant” relationship between a man and woman that is both “love giving” and “life giving.” No simulation of the marital act between two males or two females can realize the potency of the true marriage bed. The fact that he was his sponsor makes what happened quite brazen. I would argue that not being married in the Church would alone be a sufficient impediment to the sacrament. But who knows? He may have been confused or misguided about this as well. Clergy bless same-sex couples and do so with impunity. It may very well be the case that certain clergy have conducted clandestine marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples. This muddies the water even though such efforts would always and everywhere only be “attempted” marriages.
No sooner did this news story break, it was followed up with one about the private Vatican audience of Archbishop José Gomez of Los Angeles with a same sex “married couple,” Alex Capecelatro, CEO of Josh.ai, and his so-called husband Brian D. Stevens, a celebrated Catholic philanthropist. The encounter was cordial and they joked with one another. Christopher Hale’s article posted at LETTERS FROM LEO stated:
“A lifelong Catholic who briefly entered the seminary to become a priest, Brian Stevens has dedicated decades to charitable works. He’s a Knight of Malta who has led pilgrimages for the sick to Lourdes nearly 33 times. Close friends say his generosity knows no bounds.”
While compassion and hospitality are clear to me, I am really at a loss about what is happening. It seems to me that this was a teaching moment, and yet it is not the lesson many of us would have expected from the magisterial office of the Church. Yes, we need to meet people where they are. Certainly, we should acknowledge the goodness and charity they share with others. But can we be silent about sin? What about pointing out the way to repentance and greater fidelity? Maybe I am too hard-headed to understand? Do I stand guilty of hardness of heart? Maybe I am missing something. If clergy are confused and uncertain about the direction of the Church, how can the flocks be properly led by their shepherds? We all need to pray for the good of souls and to pray for the Holy Father.
A Catholic analysis must take into consideration our Christian anthropology that flows from the sources of revelation (Scripture and Tradition), natural law, and Church authority.
- Crucial in this discussion is the definition or meaning of love. Often the element of sexual intimacy collapses into what we mean by love. When it comes to same sex relationships, indeed even heterosexual involvement outside of traditional marriage, any sexual activity is morally wrong. Sexual congress outside of what constitutes the marital act (consensual vaginal intercourse) is highly problematical. Neither oral nor anal sex consummates or realizes the nuptial bond. The former is often blamed for certain cancers of the mouth and the latter for tearing the rectal lining. There are consequences for the violation of nature.
- The Church is no enemy of love. Indeed, our Lord gives us a two-fold commandment that should guide us in our union with God and with one another. We read in Matthew 22:37-39: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” While there are various types of love, the Church would argue that the erotic must be reserved to married men and women. However, this love must detach itself from lust as it devalues the beloved and makes bodies interchangeable. Relationships poisoned by lust are often manipulative, corrupted by pornography and frequently subject to infidelities leading to adultery. The Church would counsel “holy passion” for married couples. This passion includes the drive for union as an expression of fidelity and a desire for a family. The intensity is focused on a particular person and no one else. The good and happiness of the beloved becomes paramount. Outside of marital love, what is left? Obviously, there is parental love, love between siblings (brothers and sisters), fraternal love (with friends and neighbors), etc.
- What is left if anything for special friends who share a same-sex attraction? First, there must be due caution given the ancient maxim that true love cries out for unity. Disorientation creates a danger of a moral fall when people live in “close” proximity. Second, celibate friendships between men, as those between women, can be intensely strong, becoming something on the level of family. We perceive this in religious communities and in fraternal orders of Catholic men. Many will call special friends their “brothers” and “sisters” despite the lack of blood ties. If couples can adopt children as their own, why cannot men and women do something similar? Might it be recognized by the Church and by the state? Well, surprise, we have been here before. It may be a way out of the present conundrum if same-sex couples are willing to embrace sacrifice and if the Church is able to trust her people.
- Christian antiquity included a service for joining two people into a non-carnal relationship called adelphopoiesis (Greek for “brother-making”). This is not analogous to marriage and as with the Courage Movement, men and women so united would be commended to celibate love or service to others as well as to lives of intense prayer. This spiritual brotherhood (and by extension today, spiritual sisterhood) would be formally recognized. They could reside together and share their lives. Such unions were celebrated and blessed by the Church until the 14th and 15th centuries. The practice is somewhat reminiscent of the friendships between boys when they informally pledge themselves as “blood brothers.” However, this Church bond emphasized both a chaste and pure life (no dating or courtship) and mutual support in the growth into holiness. They would throw themselves into sacramental life, i.e. the Mass and the regular use of the sacrament of penance.
- This rite of becoming siblings was never understood as akin to becoming spouses in marriage. It recognizes the moral law from both nature and revelation. Why is this important? The Church does not have the authority to modify or dismiss the moral law. The commandments still bind us. Even the Pope is merely the servant of the Word, not its master. Priests who take it upon themselves to welcome those in intimate same-sex bonds or attempted marriages err grievously by not echoing the call for repentance and reform. Outside of such admonitions, they do them disservice and enable or validate sinful behavior. This is a travesty because every ordained priest is given the vital mission to extend Christ’s mercy. His essential mission is the forgiveness of sins. Any compromise about this is a violation of his mission as a minister of reconciliation with God. If one truly believes what the Church teaches, then the leading of another into error and sin is a failure to love as we should. Special friends of the same gender, as spiritual brothers or sisters, should be willing to place any selfish desires or urges behind the good of the beloved. Real love means actualizing the three “Hs” in the beloved’s life—making him of her happy, healthy and holy. This may require a high degree of mutual sacrificial love. Indeed, it makes love real and heroic.
We cannot directly bless same-sex unions or bonds. However, a 2023 Vatican decree does permit non-liturgical benedictions for those seeking divine grace and mercy.
While we should show natural respect to persons, compassion to those in difficult situations, and a practical sensitivity, we can never bless same-sex unions as marriage. Conceding that homosexual acts are “intrinsically disordered,” the Church urges homosexuals to live chaste and pure lives so that they might regularly receive the sacraments and be counted as full members of the faith community. While differing orientations can make us nervous and uncomfortable around each other, orientation should not be grounds for unjust discrimination.
Homosexuals are hurt or feel insulted when well-meaning people say about homosexuality, “I hate the sin, not the sinner.” The reason for the basic upset is that many have come to associate their central identity with orientation and lifestyle. They have connected what they feel and what they do with who they are. This is a mistake. As children created by God, they are treasured for an infinite value and with a high dignity that can be further enhanced by divine grace. Sins of rebellion and/or of weakness rob them of all they can be.
All individuals should be respected as God’s children. The two-fold commandment would have us treat one another with compassion, not with any meanness of spirit. Instead of a harshness that comes when we focus purely on the law, we need to develop a sensitivity to the struggle and woundedness of others. We are not mindless and heartless robots of metal but knowing and loving creatures of flesh and blood. Many are driven less by their heads and more by their hearts and what they feel.
Can we welcome and accept those that believers of old would have stoned, so that by accompanying them they might yet be saved, and us along with them? Friendship, prayer, sacraments, prudent counsel, and faithful witness can form consciences and make possible repentance and conversion. Pope Francis would never have us underestimate what it means to be companions on the journey. I would suggest that the greatest fruits will not be in the ministry of Fr. James Martin SJ (who is strong with inclusion but weak with orthodoxy) but rather in the efforts of the late Fr. John Harvey, OSFS. He left us with Courage International (for celibate Catholic homosexuals) and EnCourage (for their families and friends). Fr. Harvey believed that our homosexual and lesbian brothers and sisters might find meaning and happiness, not in fighting the teachings and structures of the Church, but by embracing them.
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