Blogger Priest

QUESTION:

Is restitution necessary for salvation? When I mean restitution I mean restitution for things like gossip or insulting others.

RESPONSE:

We would err in viewing restitution merely in terms of mathematics.  Often we cannot fully restore what has been taken.  How does one repair the trust that is broken?  How does one repair another’s good name or reputation?  How does one heal memories of being wronged?  It is difficult even to repay ordinary debts and often resources are not available to make right on wrongs committed.  Jesus makes satisfaction for our sins by the price of his passion and Cross.  The calling given us is to take up our crosses and to follow him.  The implication is to do our part in making amends for sin that dishonors God and hurts our neighbor.  The meaning of restitution is found both in justice and in a need to bring healing.  Understood in this way, it is not merely a box to check off for salvation but an essential element in living out our Christianity.  Look at the sayings of Christ:

“If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well. Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles. Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow. You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:45-48).

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QUESTION:

This is a rather complex question but one I need an answer to because I really don’t want to be doing any wrong. I have a half-sister who was with this man, not married (now broken up) and they had a child— my half niece. The man had three children of his own with another woman before this. I just met my sister and everyone else but I’m having feelings for this man’s son, who as it turns out, is my half-niece’s half-brother— but of no relation to me.  

Now this man also has grandkids from that son for whom I have feelings and another one of his sons. And I have children of my own.

So I guess what my question is this:  is it alright to date his son? We are no relation, but I feel it might be wrong. So I don’t want to go ahead if it is wrong. I’ve been searching for an answer to this for a while with no real luck. Thank you so much in advance.

RESPONSE:

There is no direct relationship and no connection by blood.  Unless I am missing something it should be okay. 

However, was the son previously married?  Were you?  If so are the spouses both deceased?  A divorce would still be problematical as the Church requires annulments.  Dating between divorced persons can still constitute adultery. 

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QUESTION:

My father recently passed unexpectedly. The days leading up to his death he kept seeing our dead relatives. Through research I find seeing passed relatives is common. I was curious if there is any explanation for this?

RESPONSE:

Yes, this is something I have also encountered in my ministry.  I am at odds to give an explanation.  I have heard that there are neurological reasons that would bypass any paranormal definition.  I shudder to imagine that nature should seek to bring calm to the dying by fooling them with false visions of the beloved dead.  It may be that there is a parallel and connection that we cannot analyze between the physical brain and the mind that is a property of the human soul.  Hallucinations or dreams or visions of the dead seem to bring calm to the dying.  Evidently in certain near-death experiences, such brings down blood pressure and heart-rates so that the afflicted might even survive.  As a believer, I must attest to our hope that the Lord and the saints who have gone before us will welcome us into the heavenly kingdom.         

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QUESTIONS:

I am a new English teacher at a Catholic school. I want to be very careful about exposing students to inappropriate literature. I don’t want to give scandal in any way.

My question is this: is it a sin for me to have them read books that may have inappropriate content like sexual innuendos or rape?

My other question is this: the teacher before me assigned a book for summer reading called Native Son, which I am now reading.

There are some inappropriate parts like the ones I mentioned above.

I am worried that I am committing a sin by letting the students read this even though I didn’t pick it. Should I email the students (they are seniors in high school) and tell them they don’t have to read it?

RESPONSE:

Is it a sin?  Reading the book in question may not be sinful but this leaves open the issue as to whether it is age appropriate.  The fact that it is approved and assigned has been taken out of your hands.  I would suggest doing your best to help the young people deal with the themes— especially with a superficial and flawed understanding of religious faith. 

I knew Native Son was being read in college but did not know it was on high school reading lists.  There are a couple of versions available and I know that an earlier abridged version is still in print.  The work deals with themes that are still quite contemporary regarding race and justice.  While there is value in this, I would hope that teachers would use the work as a starting point for discussion and not as an apologetic that would project (as the author might) a future world.  The author has been accused of adopting a Marxian dialectic and while religion plays its part in the text, the assessment is negative.  Indeed, Richard Wright arguably sees Christianity as part of the problem, offering a mythical “pie-in-the-sky” that avoids seeking social change in the here-and-now. The current Black Lives Matter organization much in the news right now espouses on its website such a position.  The Klan’s notorious use of a flaming cross has turned off many people of faith.  Ideally Christianity should give us a thirst for justice and change that reflects the values of Christ’s kingdom and the brotherhood of man. It is not an opiate that appeases or short-circuits movement toward such reform. Of course, one of the greatest heroes of the struggle for racial justice is the Baptist minister, Dr. Martin Luther King.  Many in the black community are at odds over the role of faith. 

As for elements of sexuality, it is a part of our humanity; although I must admit to being turned off by any writing that is flagrantly erotic.  The issue or rape is a serious one.  Be careful about this because boys can be immature and insensitive just as girls can sometimes display heightened sensitivity, fear and woundedness about the subject.  While tame by comparison to this book, I recall as a high school boy being surprised and shocked by the clandestine “fog scene” in Tom Hardy’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles.  The next time we meet her she is pregnant— what? 

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QUESTION:

I make websites for a living. A Hindu religious organization is asking me to make a website for them. Their facebook page is . . . [deleted].

Are there any moral issues I should consider before considering this job? Am I committing a sin if I take this job?

RESPONSE:

My brother bidded for the windows of an Islamic mosque. He treated them fairly and made a great offer. He was thrown out when they discovered he was a Catholic. I would suggest not hiding your faith and letting them know where you stand. Like any contractor, you are offering your technical services… not making a faith confession. You are simply assisting a religious organization to have a web presence. That should be okay. Matters would be different if the site promoted violence, discrimination, pornography or the murder of persons. Organizations that espouse dialogue and peaceful co-existence are members of the larger community that should be nurtured and treated as good neighbors. Peace!

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QUESTION:

Thank you for offering this platform for us to ask questions. I have a question about whether something would fall under the sin of rash judgement or would just be a temptation. I have anxiety; unfortunately, this leads to me having thoughts that other people might be judging me because of the things that I say or do. I am usually able to stop myself after those thoughts pop up; but I am wondering if just having those thoughts would constitute the scenario of a near occasion of sin that should be avoided? I think I have really bad scrupulosity.  I tend to ask priests a lot of questions.  I am worried that because of these thoughts, I should not be asking them any further questions.  Thank you so much in advance!

RESPONSE:

The questions are arguably a symptom of scrupulosity, not any kind of near occasion for sin.  There is nothing wrong with asking questions.  Indeed, it is probably even neutral matter to ask ridiculous questions.  Scrupulosity often leads to inquiries that have little or no moral weight in reality.  Indeed, I find that this mental tendency is toward the fanciful or unreal.  Some imagine themselves much worse than they actually are.  The sin is rooted in a denial of the goodness of creation, an errant self-deprecation and a repudiation of God’s power to save and to forgive.  I cannot say whether people are constantly judging you but I can tell you that all of us will stand before the divine tribunal.  If we walk with the Lord then we need fear neither men nor the judgment of God. 

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QUESTION:

I am a teenager that’s questioning my gender. Is being transgender a sin? I was never really brought to church as a child and even when I was, they never brought this topic up. Sorry if this is a dumb question!

RESPONSE:

It is not a dumb question and I can well imagine that it never came up in religious formation.  While we discussed the issue of homosexual sin in seminary, I cannot recall a single instance of where we discussed gender dysphoria.  As for where the Church stands, I suspect that moralists would teach that you are locked into your birth-gender (meaning DNA) no matter how one might feel himself or herself to be.  I suppose that transgender issues would fit into the argumentation about disorientation.  The sense that you are a transgendered person is not a sin.  No one has the right to belittle you or to mock you.  Despite efforts by those who would socially engineer acceptance about the accompanying lifestyles and sexual expression, the Church would look at the disconnect between one’s physical integrity and personality as an instance of our brokenness or woundedness as human beings afflicted by original sin.  There is much that we might attempt to normalize and yet we must admit that life is often unfair and that we face many challenges to finding acceptance and happiness.  I cannot imagine what it feels like to be you.  It may be we try too much to define others and would best leave judgment to almighty God?  I believe that sexual congress belongs exclusively to men and women in marriage.  All the rest of us, single of whatever orientation and those who have vowed celibacy should live our states of life with modesty and chastity.  I would recommend that unmarried couples who seek a special bond with others do so in the context of sisterly and brotherly love.  We can expand the definition of family without a rupture of traditional moral law.  However you know yourself to be— know also that God loves you and thus his Church must also reach out to you with both truth and compassion.  The imitation of Christ would have us protect the sanctity of life and raise up the dignity and rights of persons. 

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QUESTION:

A woman wants to date me. She divorced her husband years ago when he had an extramarital affair but then remarried him last year to get his pension when he dies. His pension is apparently substantial. He lives in NH and she lives in NJ. I feel like it would be a mortal sin to date her, your thoughts please.

RESPONSE:

The Church does not recognize divorce and so unless there are other impediments she is a married woman.  The fact that she civilly remarried him just to get his pension is dishonest and an act that impugns the dignity of marriage.  It would certainly be a “matter” of mortal sin to date her.  Keep your distance.  Pray for the poor man who is her estranged husband.    

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QUESTION:

I had a question regarding female co-workers. I have a friend that will be unfortunately soon going through a divorce. She is a nice woman and attractive. We tend to talk a few times per week and the content is usually about work, her kids, etc. She does share some of the frustrations with her spouse who is an alcoholic and abusive. I try to be supportive but I try not to offer any more advice or complements. I am afraid she may be a little attached as she initiates the conversation.

Another friend at work recently confided to me that she was unhappy in her marriage. I will usually exchange pleasantries for a few minutes with her but not real lengthy conversations. Since I like to stay in shape, on the spur of the moment, I tried to get her attention later felt badly about it. My confessor made a comment that adultery is not just sexual contact but he did not elaborate. I confess I find both women attractive but would never do anything to enter into a relationship with them as they are not free to marry. Would this be in the area of adultery since an attachment that might develop with one of the women? I have struggled off and on with scruples over the years. Thank you.

RESPONSE:

You cannot entirely help how you might feel for others.  The chemistry of friendships is a mystery over which we do not have total control.  The workplace can be particularly problematical because we do not have jurisdiction over such associations and the time spent together.  Workplace adultery is a real and pressing problem in American society and should not be taken lightly.  Part of the problem is that contemporary adults have separated sexual intimacy from marriage prior to contractual and/or sacramental unions.  Fornication often leads to adultery.  Men and women, particularly if they are attracted to each other, struggle with how to relate to one another as friends and co-workers.  An eroticized society is not a healthy environment for men and women who want to pursue chase and platonic friendships.  Mature men and women know this and they must be careful of how they act and the signs they give.  Further, those in bad marriages might seek intimacy and compassion outside their unions.  A good friend might want to be there so as to help but should not get in the way or inhibit the healing of a couple’s relationship.  This means knowing when to back away, when to remain silent and when not to take sides.  Beyond an act of infidelity, one can commit adultery in thought and desire.  You cannot totally master your heart, but true love acknowledges that a beloved belongs to another.  You do not want to become part of the problem.  Avoid flirtation and wrongful fantasies.  Treat all persons with respect and preserve propriety.

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QUESTIONS:

Hi, I’m not a Christian but I have interest in the vice of vainglory. I would like to know if vainglory is something seen as bad and what type of persona would be defined as vainglory? What would it take to be seen as someone who represents vainglory? In other words, I’d like to know the persona of someone with strong vainglory. What type of persona are they? Are they bad and what is vainglory? I’ve researched it a lot and all the explanations are quite complex and I can only understand them to a small extent.

RESPONSE:

The term “vainglory” is just an old term for excessive vanity.  It is an obsessive concern about how others perceive you.  It signifies a person who prizes himself too much and others too little.  Pride can be good and bad.  One should have a pride that represents the truth about oneself and achievements.  Vainglory would signify a swelling of pride that damages the truth where one overestimates one’s worth.  The result is usually a snobbish attitude toward others.  Just as vainglory compels one to exaggerate personal value and achievements; it also forces one to belittle the meaning and contribution of others.  The smaller they become, the bigger we can imagine ourselves.  The focus is very narcissistic.  The world revolves around you.  Instead of giving praise to others or even glory to God, such a person imagines that he is the source of all the benefits he enjoys.  Such boasting always leads to contention and opposition to others.  Such a person wants things done his way and is dismissive of the contributions and even the support of others.  As with so many vices, it readily leads to disobedience.   

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