Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

helenl, on September 27, 2016 at 5:20 pm said:

Just a reminder, Father Joe, that you are in my prayers.

FATHER JOE: Thank you, Helen.
lucia, on September 27, 2016 at 1:34 pm said:

How do you go about getting good an annulment.?

FATHER JOE: You contact your parish priest or the diocese. Someone will assist you. There are documents to gather and others to fill out. A formal annulment requires an in-depth essay. Witnesses will be called. Grounds must be found to prove that the marriage was defective or invalid from the beginning.
Lisa, on September 26, 2016 at 5:46 pm said:

Hello Father,

Should I forgive my husband for inappropriately touching his 22 year old niece? We are currently in the retrouvaille marriage program but I just can’t seem to get past this situation. How much is too much?

FATHER JOE: I think the two of you should find healing about this. My question is what about the niece? How has it affected her? What can be done to repair this relationship?
littlemrs, on September 26, 2016 at 1:23 pm said:

Hi again, Father.

This is my second question today, and I would appreciate any guidance you can provide!

In my last question, I forgot to mention that I have been wearing a miraculous medal, and I was wearing it at Mass yesterday.

As I mentioned in my previous question, my husband and I are beginning the process of convalidation tomorrow.

The second question involves my sister whom I’ve mentioned before in previous questions. She has two children out of wedlock and has asked me to be the godmother of the second one.

I understand that I am ineligible to be a godparent due to the marriage invalidity. However, she is pressuring me to call and tell her parish that I’m an active Catholic ‘in good standing’, which I am not. She seems to feel like the baptism is riding on my ability to convince the church that I’m ‘good to go’ as a godparent. This is making me feel quite uneasy about the whole thing, especially because I am quite convinced that she will never raise this child Catholic, and the father of the baby has expressed many anti-Catholic sentiments in the past.

I feel as though it’s really weighing on my conscience that I should bow out of being the godparent because of the pressure she is placing on me to basically lie, and that I know she will not raise this baby Catholic. I’m not even sure why she wants to do this anyway.

She has asked me to contact the parish, and I will do so, but I am not going to lie. How should I approach this? Should I confide in the priest that I don’t believe she is going to raise this baby Catholic?

Thank you!

FATHER JOE: You would not want to lie. Your sister is wrong to urge this. Honestly and openly talk with your parish priest and tell him about the situation and the request. Since you are actively attending Mass and seeking a con-validation, the priest may offer an accommodation in line with the Year of Mercy and Pope Francis’ proposals for accompaniment. (I may not fully understand it, but I am not the Pope and the Church is larger than one poor priest.)
littlemrs, on September 26, 2016 at 1:14 pm said:

Hi Father,

I have two questions, so I’ll ask them in separate comments. The first is a question regarding something that happened to me yesterday at Mass.

My husband and I recently joined a new parish after moving to a new neighborhood. We were married civilly and are meeting with our parish Priest tomorrow to start the process of marriage convalidation. I’ve enjoyed attending Mass at the parish and feel like the Priest is very good.

I’ve been attending Mass 3 times on weekdays when there is a Mass in the morning and have felt as though I’ve been moving so much closer to God by doing so.

Yesterday during communion, my husband and I did not exit the pew to take communion because our marriage is not valid. During the song, I was following along in the hymnal and looked up at the congregation and the priest giving communion. When I looked up, I saw a white mist over the priest and a bit to the right. It was square-ish on the sides and rounded at the top, with a slight bend at the top to the right, like a small peninsula. When I noticed it and tried to focus more on the shape, it faded away. It was a translucent misty gray-white color.

For fear of sounding like a complete crazy person, I did not mention this to my husband. Am I completely insane? I’ve never had anything like this happen to me, and I am a completely normal person who is not medicated or anything. I’ve never been accused of being crazy or mentally ill, so I’m having a really hard time figuring out what happened here. I don’t know if it was a trick of my eyes or something, but I felt as though it was definitely there, right over the priest during communion.

How would you advise one of your parishioners if they came to you with something like this?

Thank you!

FATHER JOE: I would suggest not to make much of it. It could one of many things and not necessarily supernatural. The eyes can play tricks and churches are places where candles and incense are often used. Peace!
Pauline, on September 26, 2016 at 1:05 pm said:

Forgot to add/ask, what if the person is a non catholic or not received sacrament of reconciliation and penance, then does this seal of confession still apply? They do not know or understand what sacrament is all about.

FATHER JOE: If the person is a Christian then the seal applies. If the person is not a Christian, then the more generic “professional secrecy” applies. Ministers like lawyers are morally obliged to keep the confidence of their clients.
Pauline, on September 26, 2016 at 12:35 pm said:

Fr. in your reply about seal of confession, you mention that if you overhear a confession the seal of confession applies. Can you elaborate why and the rational behind why. Even if the person is a lay person? They did not take any oath.

Thanks

FATHER JOE: The seal of confession is taken seriously by priests but there is no special oath. The seal of confession obliges everyone to silence regarding the sins of others. If you overhear a confession then you are bound to keep the seal, even as a layperson. That is why the police were charged with violation of the seal several years ago when they audio-recorded a suspect going to confession to a priest. The authorities were forced to destroy the recording and it was inadmissible in a court of law. Some now want to change the legal recognition of the seal, as well as the (somewhat) comparable professional secrecy. If a person overhears and reveals another person’s confession, then mortal sin is committed.
DAn, on September 25, 2016 at 2:50 am said:

Dear Father, I have a question about the seal of confession which I will pose as a hypothetical. A man goes into confession and he confesses to the priest that he murdered someone. The priest tells him that if he’s really sorry he needs to turn himself in to the police. The man says that he can’t do that and the priest tells he that he can’t give him absolution. So the man leaves without having received absolution. Does the seal of confession still apply in this type of case as it was not a completd confession? Or can the priest call the police to report the man?

FATHER JOE: First, the type of requested restitution may vary. Second, the seal is absolute and cannot be breached. Even if absolution is not given, the priest cannot divulge the information given him. Indeed, if you overhear the confession, the seal also applies to you.
chinonye, on September 23, 2016 at 5:50 am said:

Hello Father
Pls I have two questions to ask:
(1) If I vent to someone about someone else’s inappropriate behaviour towards me, does it constitute the sin of detraction? Does it mean that any time i get hurt I should swallow it in and not vent to another person or risk committing a mortal sin?
(2) My male friend that I told you about sometime ago that confessed to being sexually attracted to me asked for permission to be lewd with me. This is the second time he’s talking that way, and I jokingly told him to take a cold shower or say a Hail Mary. He replied saying thank God he saw the text much later otherwise he would ve been livid with anger. Tell me Father what do you make out of his statement? Prior to this we had had a fight about this where he said I should give him the permission to talk dirty to me. Father I’m not claiming to be a saint, I do have my moments of weakness, but this is a guy I ve friend-zoned and I want it to remain that way. If it were a guy I was attracted to I would ve understood but I ve told him time and time again that we re just friends and that he should be mindful of his words. I’m getting tired of the whole situation and want to call the friendship off. Am I being too harsh? Thanks

FATHER JOE: You have a right to set boundaries. If he fails to respect them then he is guilty of harassment or abuse. You do not need such friends. If it were a work situation, I would say report him. If venting to friends is not helping the situation then I would say not to do it.
Frederick, on September 22, 2016 at 7:13 am said:

Hi!
I’m wondering if you could explain a bit more detailed about the following verses :
Isaiah 29:11-12
11. And the vision of all is become unto you as the words of a book that is sealed, which men deliver to one that is learned, saying, Read this, I pray thee: and he saith, I cannot; for it is sealed:
12. And the book is delivered to him that is not learned, saying, Read this, I pray thee: and he saith, I am not learned.

Whose the one that can’t read, is it Jesus?
What’s meant that it’s sealed, is the man illiterate or is it actually sealed?
Is the verses concerning the Bible?

FATHER JOE:

Look at the verse before and after (Isaiah 29:10-13):

For the LORD has poured out on you a spirit of deep sleep. He has shut your eyes (the prophets) and covered your heads (the seers). For you the vision of all this has become like the words of a sealed scroll. When it is handed to one who can read, with the request, “Read this,” the reply is, “I cannot, because it is sealed.” When the scroll is handed to one who cannot read, with the request, “Read this,” the reply is, “I cannot read.” The Lord said: Since this people draws near with words only and honors me with their lips alone, though their hearts are far from me, And fear of me has become mere precept of human teaching ….

Isaiah laments that some will not take heed of his vision and the truths revealed by the prophets. The learned do not care to know the truth, either because of fear or because of what it will require of them in faith. Thus, they regard the words as sealed or locked away from them. Their eyes are closed (blind) and their heads are covered (shut off). They are spiritually unwilling to read and/or to accept the revelation. Others are illiterate and would not be capable of understanding the words. The result is the same. The truth is estranged from them. The blind lead the blind.
samantha, on September 21, 2016 at 5:38 am said:

Hi father I have posted multiple times regarding my 7week old son Giovanni Fava who passed away in the womb. I asked my Dr why the miscarriage was so painful as my cervix was closed it was not labour contractions. she explained it was as if the baby sack an placenta were being smashed against the wall by someone’s hand? what is your opinion was it the hand of God or the devil?

FATHER JOE: I think you are reading too much into it. We live in an imperfect and broken world. God’s passive will permits many natural evils (due to original sin) but nothing will circumvent is active providence. No, I do not think the devil actively attacked you, either.
Kester, on September 20, 2016 at 10:56 pm said:

Hi Father! I am a Catholic teenager, and I was just in a discussion with a few Southern Baptists (I live in the South), and I want to ask about three things. I really want to lead them to the Church, but one of them thinks I’m the heretic.
1. How do I defend the Deuterocanonical Books? My classmate argues that we “added” them, yet I said that how does he know it’s not divinely inspired. What should I say next time it’s brought up?
2. Can I say that “you can’t say everything the Bible says is true from the Bible because the Bible says so” is an illogical, circular reasoning? (Like how do you know something is true? Like what Ven. Fulton J. Sheen said on “Comparing World Religions”?) I can say it’s true because of different reasons like no moral contradictions (like the Quran and lobster I think), the prophecies, and the similarities between the Gospels?
3. How can I tear down Sola Scriptura? I used the Trinity as an example, but one of them said that the idea’s there, but the word conveys it. How should I respond? I know that’s one of the best rebuttals for Sola Scriptura. Should I say, “I want to see the exact word in it.” or “Does the Bible prove the Holy Spirit is God explicitly?” (Does it? Please correct me if I’m wrong.)

What should I say to really shake them? Apostolic succession (one of them thinks all Christian denominations are man-made, which I’m trying to prove him wrong)? James and the error of Sola Fide? Please help me. I want to help God lead as many souls to the Church and salvation.

FATHER JOE:

The heresy belonged to the Protestant reformers.

You should not have to defend the Deuterocanonical books. They were part of the Christian Church’s Old Testament for the first 1,500 years. Your class mates have the history backwards. Every time that our Lord quotes the Old Testament, the biblical translation used by the Gospels is the larger Greek canon. It was only with the Protestant revolt and the rejection of the Greek Septuagint used by the early Christians for a redacted Hebrew canon that the books were subtracted. Nothing was added. Protestants are the ones who have to defend the editing of the Bible. Indeed, Martin Luther also removed the Epistle of James but other Protestants put it back in.

The Bible was assembled by Catholic bishops in the fourth century. The Bible is inspired because the authority appointed by Christ was protected by the Holy Spirit in selecting the canon. Many books like the Didache, Clement’s Epistle to the Corinthians, the Shepherd of Hermas, and others were not included. They remain important for the Church’s self-understanding, but were not deemed as inspired or canonical. The Bible does teach the truth but it needs proper interpretation to correctly understand. That is why the Catholic Church has a magisterium or teaching authority instituted by Christ. The Catholic Catechism is a useful companion book to the Bible. Catholics claim two sources for divine revelation: Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition.

Looking at the history of such questions is worthwhile. However, rather than debating with them, pray with them and invite them into that prayer. If they will not even do that, then your efforts will probably be ineffective.
Dana, on September 19, 2016 at 8:33 pm said:

Thank you Father. I may be able to look into nfp. He is just set in using some kind of birth control. And as I said, I want to trust in God. Pray for us. God bless!
Dana, on September 18, 2016 at 10:32 pm said:

Hi Father. I was hoping you had some advice for me. see, I had an IUD put in after my eight month old son was born and my husband is upset now that i wont have sex with him until they take it out. i just went to confession over it. its going to take a week or so to come out if i make a doctors appt, but my husband wont talk to me about it. i know he doesnt want more kids right now and i dont either, but i want to trust in god to make it happen or not. i just dont know how to tell my husband because he wont listen. please help!

FATHER JOE: There is no good answer here, especially if he does not want additional children. If you have a sufficient reason, then I would urge you to seek out a natural family planning program. Does he understand that IUDs by definition are abortifacients? Appeal to his better side. Loving each other is fine… as is responsible parenthood… but do you really want to be guilty of taking human life?
Lizzy, on September 18, 2016 at 6:56 pm said:

Hi Father,

I’d like to know what the church’s teaching on prenuptial agreements are. I fully understand why the church would not promote such an agreement, as it may appear that the couple is not fully joining together in the marriage sacrament. I’d like to know if an engaged couple has a prenuptial agreement, if the church by law will not bless their marriage, or if it’s not recommended but not unlawful in the church since it’s more of a state action (Does Mark 12:17 apply here?).
I know prenuptial agreements come in all kinds of arrangements. This would be only financial and would not affect our married life after since we plan to join finances. My boyfriend has seen a few divorces first hand, and I know the situations too, and it can be incredibly devastating financially. So while we’ve both stated we don’t want a divorce, I understand where a prenup would add more security.
I think the marriage sacrament trumps any prenuptial agreement. Please advise.

FATHER JOE: Financial elements are very much a part of marital relationships. All that you have and all that you are… surrendered and shared with the beloved. Prenuptial Agreements invalidate the marriage vows and are forbidden to Catholics. They are grounds for annulments. They insert an element of doubt.
Margaret Macy, on September 18, 2016 at 6:07 pm said:

Can a person who has abused you continue to hurt you after they die? Can their spirits remain on earth to cause harm or does God restrain them permanently?

FATHER JOE: There is no spiritual bondage that cannot be broken by Christ and the power of the sacraments. While the Church speaks of the communion of the saints, there is no such union between the damned. Angelic or human devils may seek to manipulate and devour each other; but they do not know the bond of charity. The demonic oppresses and sickens. It is not creative. There is no grace in sin. We are wounded when we encounter evil persons. This is especially the case in the family. Instead of liberation and empowerment, there is slavery and impoverishment. The saints among the dead love us and pray for us. The damned do not and this privation is what wounds us. Something is missing that should be there. Chains are forged in life. When our oppressors die, some people still feel shackled. The devil can exploit this negativity. If the dead are in purgatory then they can know healing. If they are in hell then their association with us in heart and mind must be broken. Christ is the real power. The demonic can only cause spiritual harm to us if we allow it to do so. The devil can exploit the imagination. He can play upon human weakness and memory. The sins of our ancestors can be revisited upon us (in a sense), just as do the effects of original sin. But the benediction of Christ can sever every curse and bring healing to memories.
st padre pio, on September 18, 2016 at 4:32 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,
Does the devil use dreams to tempt us? And if so how can we counter the effects when we awake?
Thanks and God bless you.

FATHER JOE: The devil can do only what the Lord permits. He may be able to numb the conscience or to suggest phantasms for the imagination. However, remember that you cannot sin while you dream or sleep. You must be alert and in control of your faculties. The devil may tempt but only we as aware and free agents can sin.
Joey ransdell, on September 17, 2016 at 10:29 pm said:

Hello,
I am a practicing catholic and something has bothered me for a while about the catholic faith. We now have a decent understanding of ancient civilizations and with that understanding comes knowledge of their religious practices. I would like to know how these ancient faiths are viewed in Catholicism? I have looked for a while to find a book or lecture regarding this and I have not found anything.

The existence and extent of these ancient religions give me the most pause in maintaining my Catholic faith. These religions were generated before Christ, and many before Judaism and had thousands if not millions of devout followers. Also, many were polytheistic, so any indication that they were perhaps worshiping the same God that we worship today is destroyed because they worshiped many Gods.

One thing that his me especially hard was learning, in 8th grade, about how ancient Mayans used to compete in their sport (sort of a mix of volleyball and soccer) and the winner of these games would be allowed to be the individual which was sacrificed. The reason this hit me hard was it showed me just how devout these individuals were to their faith, and obviously the glory of our God had nothing to do with their devotion.

So, in God’s eyes, what were these people doing? And what makes Catholicism so much more legitimate than their faiths? It seems their belief was just as strong as most Catholics, was God simply happy to be idle until revealing the truth around the time of Moses and thereafter?

Any help would be greatly appreciated, also any references to texts on Catholic philosophy which may help with this question is also appreciated.

Thank you
Joey Ransdell

FATHER JOE:

There are certain anthropologists who are intrigued by religion but their amazement is entirely subjective. They would regard all religious faith as subjective and ultimately as untrue… saying more about the human condition than about any heaven or deity.

The Judeo-Christian faith is a marvel even if some of these same authorities resent the missionary outreach and condemn it as colonialism.

It is true that a leap of faith is required, but ours is also a reasoned faith. Western philosophy would suggest that if there is a God then he must be one because that which is omnipotent must by definition be one. Otherwise, there is conflict. We accept the notion of intelligent design and that there is a Creator behind the cosmos. We believe that God imbued men and women with a need to worship and to appeal to the transcendent. Given the fall there is confusion, but this desire remains. Thus, people from ancient to modern times and around the world have made sacrifices to their supposed deity or deities. Eventually, the true God called a people to himself. They were urged not to worship false gods. This divine intervention was difficult and the people called would sometimes fall back into idolatry or paganism. The Messiah would come through this Chosen People. Christ, himself, established a Church and empowered her ministers and gave efficacy to her sacraments. Sin and death are conquered but not yet undone. In Christ we have a God who is in solidarity with the poor, the oppressed and the hurting. The answer to the question of pain is that the true God shares in our lot and makes it redemptive. No other religion on the planet comes close to such claims. The grave will not consume you. You have been divinized by grace.

It is simple for me. I believe in Christianity and everything the Catholic Church teaches. She is an institution that has survived 2,000 years. Dead religions are dead. Other religions lack a central authority. Am I biased? Yes, sure I am. I am a priest. I believe in the promises of Jesus because I trust what he says. I believe that the Holy Spirit gave me the gift of faith. Learning alone will not make it happen. The doors and windows to the head and heart must be opened.
Leslie McGraw, on September 17, 2016 at 12:39 am said:

Hello, it’s Leslie again. I just wanted to thank you. Your advice helped me see what I had to do. I’m the one married to the man with anger and suicide issues. We are separated. It was A very difficult decision and I pray daily that I did the right thing and for his and my healing. Thank you for your wisdom.
Caleb J. Campos, on September 15, 2016 at 8:29 pm said:

Thank you, Father. It is in that last statement you made, “be faithful” that was what I really needed, I suppose. While I am aware that to you and others my inquiry can leave a person “somewhat puzzled,” as you put it, however it may be due to the fact that I am just getting used to this fact. I was not fully aware I was of Jewish stock until just recently…and I mean even after 16 years of this in-depth family tree climb and even hearing it day after day at times during this period. It dawned on me only 4 years ago after a language specialist marveled at my “weird Spanish” causing all this to slowly sink in. Reading Scripture in particular has taken on a new life, and as you might imagine as a Christian it is a little different than it would have been if I found out I was, say, Italian instead of Mexican. “No, you’re Hebrew.” Okay, uh, huh? But then the confusion started when everyone ELSE I knew started to have an opinion on what I should or should not do now. Not everyone has been helpful or even nice, and some have told me I am not welcome in their homes anymore because of my heritage. Yet I am still me, a Catholic, and if God has accepted me with all my imperfections and gifts up till now then this new discovery changes nothing there. It gives me a greater respect for the God that has seen fit to fulfill the promises made in the Old Covenant through our Lord. Sure, I also now know why my parents never let us drink milk with our meals or put cheese on burgers and tacos (though they never exactly knew why either till now) and you might say I have a custom-filled heritage that lends itself to further spiritual study and insight, but those are but novelties by comparison. In the end it is still up to me to fulfill those baptismal promises. Thank you for you time and your response. It means a lot to me what you wrote. God bless.
Natalie, on September 15, 2016 at 8:12 pm said:

Good evening 🙂

I’m having a lot of trouble with the whole faith and good works argument. From my understanding, Catholics believe it is by faith and good works that we can attain heaven, while other Christians believe it is by faith alone that we are saved. So in defense of the non Catholics, I can see where they’re coming from. They believe that good works come naturally if you are a true christian; in other words there is no obligation to do good works while it comes naturally. I’m not really sure what the difference is between Catholics and other denominations. Your thoughts??

Also, in Ephesians 2:8-9 it’s says “for it is my grace that you have been saved by faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God. It is not from works, so no one may boast.”

From this passage, I feel as if Jesus is speaking to us, saying that we are saved. It’s not saying “you MIGHT be saved if you do enough good works” it’s saying “you HAVE BEEN saved, if you accept the grace He’s given us and live in the Word,” in past tense claiming it’s already been done. I have had countless conversations with Catholics who think it’s so prideful to claim that you are saved. I don’t look at it as prideful or righteous; I see it as accepting the gift that God gave us (grace). I see it as saying “yes” to Jesus and living by His word and staying committed in submission to Him alone.

It just seem so clear to me… Please tell me what your view of this passage means to you. Thank you!

FATHER JOE:

The faith versus works conflict came from the Reformation, particularly in the conflict with Martin Luther. It seems to me that this debate has been largely resolved, especially by looking at the Scriptures and defining the theological terms used by each camp.

Read this: JOINT DECLARATION ON THE DOCTRINE OF JUSTIFICATION

Paul is emphasizing, not so much that we are saved by faith alone, as he is stressing that we are saved by grace alone. Both grace and faith are gifts. They require an openness to God. But faith must be sustained. Even believers can sin terribly and their faith can sour. We have all been redeemed by Christ but we have to receive and accept the saving message. Serious sin can forfeit grace. A believer would not be baptized again as he or she is already configured to Christ. But a believer may have to repent again and again from sins that prevent the new man from clearly forming. We are called to take on the likeness of Christ by grace and to sustain the saving presence, from this world into the next. If death should overtake us, even past believers, who have embraced serious sin or renounced Christ, salvation itself could be forfeited. Catholics live “in the sure and certain hope” of salvation in Christ. The waterfall of grace is always flowing. But will we always remain within its waters? If we do, we have every reason to hope and rejoice. Christ keeps his promises. (There is a movement here by certain Protestants toward the Catholic notion of conversion and purification over justification by juridical imputation.)

I suspect many critics fail to properly define faith. Hebrews 11:6 makes it clear that faith is a vital component in salvation. But faith is more than a verbal profession, sentiment of the heart, a general belief or even trust. Faith must be properly placed or focused upon the TRUTH (1 Thessalonians 2:13). There is an objective quality that must not be dismissed for the subjective. Our Lord reaffirms the Decalogue and then gives us his two-fold commandment of love. Faith is also defined as OBEDIENCE to God (Romans 1:5,16:26). God is not capricious. Further, we are told that if we do not have love then we are nothing! Charity covers a multitude of sins (Galatians 5:6). Catholic Christians live out or realize their faith in love and obedience. Ours are not the works of the old law; but rather, a vital, living and practical charity.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 – If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
littlemrs, on September 15, 2016 at 3:24 pm said:

Hi Father Joe,

My sister had a baby recently and has asked me to be his Godmother. She has another son who was baptized Catholic, but she does not attend Mass and does not practice her faith actively. The older boy does not know his father and he has been raised by my sister only. Now she has had this new baby with her boyfriend and they are raising both boys together (along with his other two sons).

I’m not quite sure how to feel about being this new child’s Godmother because the baby was born out of wedlock, and his father is not Catholic. In fact, my sister told me he has expressed anti-Catholic views and has only ‘agreed’ to baptize the baby Catholic to please her. They are not married, and I don’t believe they plan on marrying.

Is not the point of baptism to promise God that you (the parents) will raise the child faithfully within the Catholic church? And the Godparents responsibility is to enrich the child’s love for God and provide a good example of a Christ-centered life? How can I go into this if I know it’s almost certain this is the only time the child will be in a Catholic Church? I’m torn because I love my sister and want to be the Godmother, but I feel like her boyfriend will not raise this baby with Catholic beliefs.

Thank you for any insight you have!

FATHER JOE: First, the priest is supposed to interview couples and there should be some hope or pledge that the children will be raised in the faith. If the priest is willing to perform the baptism, then I would trust his judgment. Second, the child is blameless in the sins of parents and we should not underestimate the power of grace that comes with the sacrament. Third, you are going to be the godparent. Fight for this child’s soul. Indeed, spiritualy embraced both children. Let them know that you will nag the adults about Mass practice and the faith formation of the children. Then see if they still want you for a sponsor. Let them know clearly that you will take your responsibility seriously… even if they do not. I tell sponsors or godparents that they should annually commemorate baptisms as others do baptisms. They should supply the children with prayer books and rosaries and Christian holy water fonts. It is an active relationship, or it should be, for the rest of your life. Take courage and stand strong!
Eliot, on September 15, 2016 at 4:25 am said:

Hello Father. I was wondering what the candles are for in Catholic church? Is anyone allowed to light them and say a prayer, or are they only lit for specific reasons, like to pray for someone who passed away? Also, If I want to ask Mother Mary to pray for me, is it wrong make the sign of the cross before, say a statue of her? I am not worshiping her, just asking for her intercession, but I wonder if making the sign of the cross before her gives off the wrong impression. Thank you for your blog! I have learned so much!

FATHER JOE:

The sign of the cross is customary for prayer, for blessings, etc.

Marian prayer is by definition intercessory because she is a daughter of the created order and God is the proper object of all prayer.

As for church candles, there are three types: (1) Near the tabernacle a vigil light burns to tell us of the Eucharistic presence in the tabernacle. (2) Candles are also on the altar and these are used for worship. (3) Votive candles are lights that signify the prayers of people who come into a church. There is usually a small donation to support the church. The person lights a candle and says a prayer. The candle is a sacramental that signifies our prayer and offering. The donation is seem as a small personal sacrifice made along with the intention.
Dana, on September 14, 2016 at 11:31 pm said:

Hi Father. I was hoping you had some advice for me. see, I had an IUD put in after my son was born and my husband is upset now that i wont have sex with him until they take it out. i just went to confession over it. its going to take a week or so to come out if i make a doctors appt, but my husband wont talk to me about it. i know he doesnt want more kids right now and i dont either, but i want to trust in god to make it happen or not. i just dont know how to tell my husband because he wont listen. Please help!

FATHER JOE: There is no good answer here, especially if he does not want additional children. If you have a sufficient reason, then I would urge you to seek out a natural family planning program. Does he understand that IUDs by definition are abortifacients? Appeal to his better side. Loving each other is fine… as is responsible parenthood… but do you really want to be guilty of taking human life?
Caleb J. Campos, on September 14, 2016 at 1:40 pm said:

Dear Father, I am a 50 year-old Catholic from a long line of Catholics, went to Catholic school, even grew up to work for my own diocesan offices in my field of television technology. After a 20 year-long study with the help of experts in genealogy, history, and help from three governments and clergy, my family learned (or confirmed) a Jewish heritage that has been preserved in our family customs and even language. While I thought I was speaking a poorly-learned form of Spanish, I was actually speaking a rare Jewish tongue called “Ladino.” Often called “Crypto-Jews,” my family on both my father and mother’s side have been zealous Catholics. We didn’t know where we got the custom of lighting candles on Friday night, why we called Easter “Passover” and other Jewish earmarks until now, and with a recent law of return offered to us from Spain you can imagine we are quite beside ourselves. We even have a Halacha status as “children of Israel” in the eyes of Judaism, and Israel is considering ways of offering people like us citizenship. My question is: Now what? I have been speaking a Jewish tongue, eating a modified kosher diet, and following Jewish customs all my life. Now that I know what they are, do I stop? We also learned that many ancestors of ours suffered greatly during the Spanish and Mexican Inquisition, as well as lost many relatives in the Holocaust. Having “mixed feelings” about Christian history is an understatement, but we have no intention of giving up Christ. Do we preserve what we have? How do we do that and remain faithful Catholics? Jews tell us to call ourselves “Jews” even though we are Catholics (they don’t like the term “Hebrew Catholic” for us because of our Halacha status), and with the 2015 Orthodox Rabbi statement on Christianity, many rabbis agree: “You are Jews who also happen to be Catholic.” Should I just learn to find a humble and modest peace in being a unique child of both worlds or, as some Catholics have told me to do, remove all traces of Judaism from my life?

FATHER JOE: No one group has a proprietary claim upon persecution and injustice, either as the agent or as the target. The early Christians were persecuted by the Jews (note the stoning of Stephen) and later by the Romans. All the first Christians were Jews and our Lord is both the Jewish Messiah and the Savior of the World. All Catholics are spiritual Semites. Many “Hebrew Catholics” today (and this is a term of identification embraced with pride by many converts in the U.S.) sustain their dual heritage and purposely intertwine Jewish customs and ceremonials with their fidelity to the Church and the sacramental life. Jews were persecuted not because people in Europe were mostly Christian, but because they were not as Christian in mind and heart as they should have been. As for the acts of the Nazis, such was not an expression of Christianity but a neo-pagan religion fueled by hate and violence. Since you bring up the Holocaust, ponder the witness of the German Jewish philosopher Edith Stein, who converted to the Catholic faith, embraced religious life and was canonized as the martyred Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, OCD. I am somewhat confused by your inquiry because you should now see yourself as a fulfilled Jew. Jews were given the promise of a Messiah. The Catechism and New Testament affirm that he has come in Jesus Christ. You are called to believe. Obviously, you should not deny your supernatural faith in Jesus and the Trinity because of accidents of birth and the criticism of Jews who deny Christ and the claims of the Church. Judaism is a true and natural religion established by God. But the more we are given, the more we are held accountable. You are a Catholic Christian and as such you will be judged by God. If you removed all traces of Judaism from your life then you would cease being a Catholic. Stop worrying about what superficial Catholics or what overzealous Jews might say. Like Jean-Marie Lustiger, the Jewish convert who became a Cardinal and the Archbishop of Paris, you may know both opposition and support; but remember, like him in all that matters— be faithful.