Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

chinonye, on April 4, 2016 at 10:03 pm said:

Hi Fr.
I pray “Oh Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in you” for my family members everyday as I do worry about their eternal salvation and do not want any of them to go to hell. Am I on the right track? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: It all depends upon how you understand it. The blood and water that flowed from Christ when pierced with a lance is symbolic of his pouring himself out through the sacraments. Everything comes back to a relationship with Jesus, both personal and corporate. You can pray for others but only Christ can save them. We pray for the conversion of sinners. And yet, they must be receptive of the gift.
helenl, on April 4, 2016 at 4:18 pm said:

Just a quick note to let you know I still read your “Ask a Priest” column often. It’s like listening to an old friend chat with all manner of folks. Life is so filled with questions. Thank you for this meaningful ministry. May God bless you, Father Joe.

FATHER JOE: Always good to hear from you, Helen. I hope you had a good Easter, filled with joy and consolation.
Olivia, on April 4, 2016 at 1:45 am said:

What exactly is gluttony? Eating a snack when you aren’t necessarily hungry?

FATHER JOE: Gluttony is excessive indulgence in food and drink. In general a venial sin, it can become mortal if it becomes idolatrous, as for those “whose god is their belly” (Philippians 3:19).
Ruth, on April 3, 2016 at 10:10 am said:

Father plz excuse me for asking this question but i really had to ask this.

Many a times women develop a liking or a crush for priests.

How would Jesus respond to women who had feelings for him. Whether the romantic kind or just a fondness…or whatever.

Would Jesus shoo them away or rebuke them..or deal with them with compassion. But that would draw the women more closer to him.

What do you have to say about this?

FATHER JOE: Jesus was not afraid of women. But there was no evidence that he had romantic feelings for them. Similarly, women chastely loved and followed him. They supplied for the needs of our Lord and his apostles from their purses. Look at the friendship he had with Martha and Mary, the sisters of Lazarus. They take upon themselves the posture of disciples. He treated women with compassion and respected their dignity.
kurt.plisskin, on April 2, 2016 at 3:53 pm said:

Father Joe,

Is selling plasma considered a sin?

FATHER JOE: No, unless you are deliberately damaging your health.
anonymous, on April 1, 2016 at 4:46 pm said:

Hello Father,

I hope you are well and that you are enjoying a wonderful Easter season. I’m sorry to bug you, but I was hoping you might be able to provide some direction for me concerning a situation that has recently come up in my life. If you have the time, I would really appreciate it.

I have a brother who is Catholic. He has recently has gotten engaged with a Catholic woman who is in need of an annulment. It appears that she will probably get the annulment, but in the mean time they have been living together. They are planning on getting married civilly in a small ceremony and (as far as I can tell) continue living together until the annulment comes when they do plan on getting married in the Church. They have asked me to be an official witness to their civil marriage.

Would I be wrong to be such a witness?
If so, would it be wrong to just go to the civil ceremony and/or the lunch that will follow?
Would it be wrong to let my brother borrow a truck so he can move his stuff from his former house to the house that he is sharing with his fiancee?

Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and God bless!

FATHER JOE: Are you a Catholic? If so, how can you witness a marriage that you know is neither recognized by Christ or his Church? You could probably get away with passive participation (attendance and lunch) for the sake of family harmony. But that would be your call. Loaning your truck is remote cooperation, as he could use the vehicle for many things. But I would urge your brother to consider the following: (1) Annulments are not guaranteed; (2) Divorce is not recognized by the Church so he will be living in an apparent state of Cohabitation with another man’s wife and committing the sin of Adultery; and (3) Sinful behavior is hardly appropriate for a couple ultimately seeking marriage in the Church.
Mb, on April 1, 2016 at 1:43 pm said:

Hi Father,

I am struggling and not sure what to do. I was Catholic growing up until I turned 18 and moved out on my own. I stopped going to church. I have since started attending church again. I am 31. The problem is my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We built a house together (before I started attending church again). He does not attend with me. I know living together is a sin but both our names are on the mortgage. He doesn’t have interest in getting married, at least right now he says. We do not sleep in the same bed and are not having sex. My question is can I still attend church (I know I cannot receive communion) until we either get married or break up?

Second question as well. I am thinking about attending a Catholic pilgrimage and I don’t know if I feel right about going with this sin I am carrying around.

Thanks for your time.

FATHER JOE: It sounds to me that either you or he will likely forfeit the house in the future. If you have been together eight years and he has no interest in marrying you then you are in a bad relationship. I am sorry that your home, which should be a place of joy, has now become a trap. This often happens in situations like yours and often requires legal action and court cases. You have entangled your life with someone who is not your husband. That is bad news. If you can sleep in a separate room and remain chaste, you might be able to receive absolution from a priest. The cohabitation is an issue, but he may understand the financial situation. This would allow you involvement with the sacraments. God bless!
Therese, on March 31, 2016 at 2:57 pm said:

Hi Father,

I am planning to purchase a home that will be long term because I am moving back to my home town after living away and I plan to stay here. My boyfriend of several years and I are planning to get engaged within the next couple of years, but due to several circumstances it can’t be sooner. The 3-bedroom house, which would last me a long while (and is affordable due to a grant for a very short time), is just a little too expensive for me in terms of monthly payments and I am really nervous about getting a roommate that I’m not comfortable with. My boyfriend wants to move in to pay rent to help with my mortgage payments, but I know we are not encouraged to live in the same house because it might cause a scandal, and this greatly saddens me. What if his brother were to move into the third bedroom or a close friend? Someone I would feel comfortable with if my boyfriend were also in the house? Would that be more acceptable? I know my parents would never allow me to live with him alone even though we currently have ridiculously different schedules and would rarely see each other (he works graveyard shifts right now and is often awake when I’m asleep and vice versa). I don’t know where to get advice right now so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

FATHER JOE: I really do not know what to tell you. Would his brother’s presence really minimize the degree of scandal? And what does he think? Is he hoping this is an opportunity for intimacy? I do not know enough about the two of you to give a definitive answer. Cohabitation is generally regarded as sinful but I have known cases where couples remained chaste while living in the same house for economic reasons. If I were pressed to give an answer, I would say NO, do not do it. If you are not ready to get married then you are not ready to live together. Further, what happens if the relationship goes south? You would face debt and payments for a house you no longer could afford.
Angela, on March 31, 2016 at 1:09 pm said:

I have a huge problem, and I can’t seem to find answers in the bible. I discovered a while ago that my father was molesting my daughter. I turned him in to the authorities. Now I have turned my back on them, and them on me. I have such hateful thoughts about them, which I know isn’t right. My question is, the bible says Honor thy mother and thy father. Am I committing a sin by perusing charges against him? Am I committing a sin by not speaking to them anymore?

FATHER JOE: You say them, do you mean your father and mother or your father and your daughter? I will presume you mean your parents. You are legally obliged to report molestation. You must protect your daughter. It may be possible that others are or were at risk. It may take time for healing that you might again speak with them. However, how long I cannot say. The sin of molestation or abuse is very hard to forgive and it always cries out for justice. I would focus on her healing and needs. Trust was violated. You must be the kind of parent who can restore trust by protecting and caring for your child. The commandment demands that we honor and obey parents. However, there is a flip side: parents (themselves) must be honorable. You cannot be forced to condone or to become an accomplice in evil.
Ruth, on March 31, 2016 at 8:39 am said:

My best friend flirts with whichever boy i tell her that I like. What must I do. I feel so broken.

FATHER JOE: I will say it again. If she were a true friend, she would not deliberately hurt you. You need to find a better friend. Remember, there are two sides to every relationship. She is not holding up her side of the friendship.
Leonie, on March 30, 2016 at 9:18 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,

I feel overwhelmed and close to despair right now. I love God, but I feel so inadequate that I am ashamed to go to Mass. All of this is because I hate my father. I know that I am not supposed to hate him, but I cannot seem to help it. He is physically and emotionally abusive to me and to my mother. He is vicious. My mother has injuries, physical and emotional, that will last a very long time, if not all her life. I have PTSD. And I hate him for all this, so much so that it seems to fill my whole soul. I fear that I am damned for this hate, but I don’t know how to stop. Will I go to hell for hating my father so much? I am afraid to ask my parish priest this. Sometimes it is easier to say something behind an anonymous keyboard. Perhaps after saying all this to you, I will have the courage to talk to my priest. But right now, I just feel hopeless. If it is not impertinent to say, God bless you for the work that you do.

FATHER JOE: Do the two of you still live under the same roof with your father? No one has the right to abuse others. When this happens the victims are naturally angry but also filled with fear. If you cannot feel safe in your home, where can you feel safe? Was there ever an effort at family counseling? Have the police been called? These are dangerous situations and I would urge you to talk to your mother about what might be done. You may even need protective services. Talk to your priest. But if your father is a criminal then he will need to be treated as one. You must protect yourselves! I will keep you in prayer.
Carol Wiles, on March 30, 2016 at 7:42 pm said:

Hi Father Joe:

Divine Mercy Sunday is approaching us and isn’t this the time we can work on receiving Plenary Indulgences? How do I do this? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

Follow the link for more information:

http://www.divinemercysunday.com/plenary_indulgence.htm
Jeanneil Rogerson, on March 30, 2016 at 6:08 am said:

Hi, my name is Jeanneil I’m 12 years old and do not know much about being Catholic. When I was younger my parents proclamed to be Catholic but did not go to church or pray very much. So when I asked them last month they said they were Baptist Christian. So I learned some about it and was open minded. But when I asked to go back to curch they said they simply do not have time to take me. So I got a new rosary and bible and am going to try to learn the most I can about God and Mary. To be honest I do not really know anything about being Catholic exept for all the basics like fasting on good Friday and ash Wednesdays. So the question was would you be able to help me understand more about what Catholics believe in. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I could certainly help with questions but I would recommend the free correspondence course on the Catholic faith offered by the Knights of Columbus: http://www.kofc.org/un/en/cis/correspondencecourse.html
Tiffany, on March 30, 2016 at 12:27 am said:

Father, if a priest curses someone (with bad health, bad fortune to future generations of a person etc.), will that curse be effective? Will it happen? If a priest can bless is it true he can also curse?

FATHER JOE: Priests are ordained to heal, not to harm.
steven, on March 30, 2016 at 12:23 am said:

I need your help.I need to know how do I remove a mortal sin.I feel guilty and other things on the internet are fearing me that there is no way to forgive.I done a sin of lust.not incest.not murder just lust by looking at rude things and know there bad.So please help me as i wish to be back in the hope of god and his love.How do i remove a mortal sin and tell god that I am guilty for doing it in the first place.because I am very scared of going into hell and being forced by devil to do horrible things.please help me as I am 13 and would be happy to be back in gods hope and love

FATHER JOE: I cannot say if it is mortal or venial but if you are a Catholic then you have recourse to the Sacrament of Penance. The posture of any Christian in his need for mercy is to pray with a contrite heart. Here is the Act of Contrition that many of us use: “O, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you. I detest all my sins because of your just punishment, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.”
john, on March 29, 2016 at 11:45 am said:

Is showing your naked body to someone a mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: Much depends upon the reason. Obviously a spouse has a right to see and to have intimacy with the beloved. A doctor may need to see the body of his patient. There are also issues of gender and hygiene… like locker rooms and common showers.
Tina, on March 28, 2016 at 7:08 pm said:

Dear Dr. Joe,
Is it a sin to break school rules that are rarely enforced? My university library has a no-eating rule outside of the library cafeteria, but students constantly eat throughout the entire library; the staff members don’t stop them. I think the idea is that they don’t want you to make a mess, but if you don’t make a mess, is it okay? One time my friends told me to eat with them in the basement because they say students eat them all the time and that it wasn’t a big deal. Was it a sin for me to do this? If it was a sin, was it a mortal sin? I’m unsure if it is considered grave matter (it seems sort of like a minor and trivial issue) and if I had the proper knowledge and consent for it to be mortal. On the one hand, no one physically forced me to go, so I consented in that sense, but I didn’t really want to do it, thus my consent was impaired in that sense. I was also unsure if it was a mortal sin to break school rules so I didn’t have the proper knowledge in that sense, but on the other hand, I knew that Catholics were required to obey parents and civil authorities unless their rules/laws were inherently unjust. So do I meet the conditions for mortal sin? Thank you for your help.

FATHER JOE: There are some rules that may not fall under the banner of sin if compromised. Respect to authority might be violated. Good order might not be preserved. But as you note, the matter may be too insignificant in certain cases to harm one’s standing before Almighty God. Laws might not be inherently right or wrong in some cases. They can also be capricious.
Paulie, on March 28, 2016 at 6:35 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,

What happened to the Jews who died before Jesus’s sacrifice that opened up the gates to Heaven?

FATHER JOE: Righteous Jews and Gentiles awaited Christ’s saving work and descent to the dead in the limbo of the fathers. Christ’s ascension is also their release into heaven. The limbo of the fathers no longer exists.
gee, on March 26, 2016 at 7:27 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe, is it a sin to baptize the dead? As a young student nurse I used to carry holy water and baptize the dead patients. Now I realize it was foolish but was God offended you think? Thanks and God bless you, Father. Happy Easter to you and yours.

FATHER JOE:

We are directed not to baptize the dead. The sacraments are for the living. This is aside from the question as to when the soul leaves the body. If done from arrogance it could have been sinful. Although given that you meant well, it might merely have been silly. There are important factors here:

(1) How did you know they were not already baptized?

(2) Did this disrespect their personal beliefs and the intentions of the immediate family?

(3) Was the action performed in ignorance as an effort to save souls or was it moved by a superstitious or magical understanding of the sacrament?

Sorry if I am as clear as mud. Happy Easter!
Francis T., on March 26, 2016 at 3:32 am said:

Hello Father,

I recently read an article about “whistleblowers” and so my question is as follows: were the respective actions of Edward Snowden and Bradley Manning, who each leaked classified information, sinful? If not ,and given the circumstances, would it have been sinful for them to not have released said information? (Snowden released the details of a questionably legal surveillance program and Manning sent Iraq war reports to Wikileaks.)

Thank you for your guidance in advance.

FATHER JOE: The Church respects levels of authority or hierarchy. Was it their place to do what they did. Was not a judgment made that was not theirs to make? The Church would shy away from “an end justifies the means” mentality. While I have not followed the cases, it is my understanding that those entrusted with sensitive information make a vow or pledge to preserve secrecy. While the authority or government to which they make the promise can release them (as in a Congressional hearing), it is not their place to determine what they will retain and what they will give away. Frequently, in such cases, there are also monetary inducements which make the whistleblowing even more problematical. Professional secrecy was violated. If the individual could always personally decide about these matters then the issue of confidentiality would be destroyed. Critics often delight in secrets revealed about the government, but less happy when personal credit card numbers and emails are made public. The Vatican also had a whistleblower and the previous Pope forgave the man. However, his violation of a trust was judged as sinful. The issue the Church would have with such men would be how they went about doing what they did. They probably should have tried more earnestly to work within the system.
Alison S, on March 26, 2016 at 1:01 am said:

Dear Father Joe, My husband and I were married in the Catholic Church . If we decide to have a vow renewal, is it ok to have this done on a beach or cruise ship by the Captain? We would be joining another couple who are not Catholic. Am I committing a sin by doing this?

FATHER JOE: Couples will often have renewals or reaffirmations of their vows before a priest or in large jubilee celebrations with many couples before the bishop. But it is not a sacrament. As you said, you are already married. I know of no rule that says a priest must be present when you celebrate anniversaries. No matter what the setting, the words used should reflect the fact that you are currently married. The general attitude is thankfulness.
D.F., on March 25, 2016 at 8:09 pm said:

No I believe we live in hell because of what goes on in the world? Another terrorist attack, in Brussels, Craig Sager after his fight with cancer gets it again and has 3 months to live. How can you say this is a good world we live in right now? I try to stay positive but it’s hard, I pray to God and ask for help, I ask him for a cure for cancer but it has yet to be answered. What’s your opinion on this world we live in?

FATHER JOE: The designation hell would dismiss the goodness found here and the quality of hope. There might be much around us that is akin to purgatory, but as I said the sin of despair is not the posture of a Christian living in the mortal world. Even when our Lord walked the earth, he healed a few but not all. Physical healing pointed toward spiritual healing and forgiveness. Our Lord promises no generic or universal physical healing in this world. That must wait for the final consummation.

A world of terror, hate, crime, diseases, how can you not say that his hell, to me hell is a place.

FATHER JOE: How can I say it? Because in the midst of what you would call “hell” we have the heroism of priests like Father Vincent Machozi Karunzu who recently gave his life in defense of the innocent facing abuse and human rights violations.

I believe things can get better but I have yet seen peace, cures for diseases. Yes we have original sin but I thought Christ died for all our sins and we no longer have to suffer because he died on the cross for our sins.

FATHER JOE: No, that is not Catholic teaching or the message of the Gospel. The Cross of Jesus redeems us. We are no longer the devil’s property. The breech is healed between heaven and earth. The resurrection of Christ makes possible a share in Christ’s life. The grave will not consume us. Sin and death are conquered but not undone. We still suffer from the effects of concupiscence and natural disharmony (which includes both ailments of the body and the world around us). The pain we know now becomes an element of penance in this earthly pilgrimage. Jesus tells his disciples (Matthew 16:24-25): “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Cancer is one of those crosses that must sometimes be endured.

My professor wasn’t teaching Catholic Philosophy because they didn’t offer that a the community college. I was ready to devote my life to God at 17 but I am frustrated with how my life turned out now at 21 years old in tons of student debt and now I’m working to pay off all my BILLS FROM STUDENT LOANS that I got from going to college.

FATHER JOE: While certain courses might satisfy for electives, philosophy courses at public colleges generally will not transfer to college seminary programs. If you do not have a BA then you would still have at least three years of college seminary before starting the four years for theology. You may even have to take a few classes over. If you have a BA, then you would have to serve a year or two in pre-theology where there would be preliminary formation and 18 credit hours of reliable philosophy. You cannot begin to understand Catholic theology without a strong philosophy background. Programs here on the East Coast are very similar. I am in the Archdiocese of Washington (DC & Maryland), but went to seminary with men from Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Virginia, Kentucky, Louisville, Nebraska, etc. Most dioceses write off debt from seminary if a man is ordained and remains faithful to his commitment.
Elean, on March 25, 2016 at 3:59 pm said:

Dear Father Joe, I am a single lady in my 70’s, say prayers daily, frequent daily Masses, give financially to the church, do volunteer work, care for my great grandsons and help people in need. I certainly am not perfect but I find every time I go to confession I’m saying the same thing: “I said things about others that are truthful but would have been kinder not to say..” I am working on this issue but I don’t know what else to say in confession. I don’t like to keep repeating the same thing. I’ve gone through the self examination of conscience questions and that hasn’t helped. I discussed this with other ladies in similar situations and they have the same question. Can you provide some suggestions to us. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: If it requires healing then it needs repeating. Most people struggle with certain sins or weaknesses. Grace can take time in mending us.
Anthony Davi, on March 25, 2016 at 8:50 am said:

Dear Father,

Does any part of Matthew chapter 22 reference Purgatory? I have heard that the usual interpretation that the darkness and gnashing of teeth usually is interpreted as Hell but is it the Catholic view perhaps that those invited to the wedding feast go there eventually but not having the wedding clothes, they can clean up in Purgatory and rejoin the wedding feast when their purification is completed.
I would very much appreciate your thoughts.

Anthony
(San Diego)

FATHER JOE: The reference is to being shut out of the kingdom. We read: “But when the king came in to meet the guests he saw a man there not dressed in a wedding garment. He said to him, ‘My friend, how is it that you came in here without a wedding garment?’ But he was reduced to silence. Then the king said to his attendants, ‘Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’ Many are invited, but few are chosen.'” (Matthew 22:11-14) The wedding garment was complimentary, likely handed out at the door. This man rudely decided to disrespect the host and the meaning of the celebration. I see nothing of purgatory here. This is most likely hell. The passage is about the terrible price of sin and how it demands divine justice. Remember what happened to the ones who initially rejected his invitation. “The king was enraged and sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city” (Matthew 22:7).
Peter, on March 24, 2016 at 4:07 am said:

Hi father… the problem is this. i have a crush on a girl, and it is driving me insane… such stupid and silly feelings are making me think of that girl more than about God… I think of her day and night, and I went crazy just over a brief conversation with her… such evil thoughts are not good for me, i could fall into idolatry because of these nonsensical rubbish trash feelings… what do I do? p.s. yes i am in my teens

FATHER JOE: You fret too much. Give yourself time to grow up and to get used to your feelings. Your feelings are not trash but are elements of your identity as a boy growing into manhood.