Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Cathy, on January 26, 2016 at 4:50 pm said:

Hello Fr. Joe:

I like to pray a rosary in front of the Blessed Sacrament fairly often. I do not currently have a specific time spot for Adoration. I usually stay 20-30 minutes. Is it wrong to not stay the full hour….I know the reading that includes “…can you not even be with me for an hour”.

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Any time before the Blessed Sacrament is well spent.
Grace, on January 24, 2016 at 3:50 pm said:

Hi father is it true that if 2 siblings got married at the same year something bad happen to one of them? Thankyou.

FATHER JOE: Such is merely superstition.
Sam, on January 23, 2016 at 4:15 am said:

Hi father
If i confess without taking a decision of not repeating my mortal sins again, will my confession stand valid. Will my sins be forgiven?.

FATHER JOE:

I cannot speak for your soul. That is something you must examine.

What I can say is this… that there must be a firm amendment of life. You may not be able to keep your resolution against sinning, but it should still be made. It is an element of contrition. How can you be sorry if you fully intend to do the wrong again? It goes back to the basic cry of the Gospel: Repent and believe!
voidval04, on January 22, 2016 at 7:46 pm said:

Hello father, i live with a very abusive mother. Mostly emotional and verbal abuse. Its so extreme to the point where when she walks in the house i start crying and stuff myself in my bed. For years my grades in college have been horrible, my health has diminished, ive been depressed, i have no motivation sometimes to even shower.

The thing is, i recently gained enough credits to obtain my diploma however i decided to continue because there is a return check of 6,000 that i can use to move out and pay a room to rent. Im feeling really guilty because my mother always relies on that money to pay rent and currently we are in a state of being evicted. She doesnt know that im cotinuing classes so she doesnt know about the money. She is fully capable of paying rent but she doesnt really like to prioritize her money. Moving out will be very good for me and my sanity. I feel that God might punish me for keeping this from her. But if I tell her, she will want the money and then I wont be able to support myself and move out. I really need to do this for myself because I have no friends and family won’t help me. How do I know that im not committing a sin and that God wont punish me?

FATHER JOE: Essentially you are saying that your mother can budget and make ends meet; however, she is exploiting you and your resources. Yes, I would agree it is time to take care of yourself. Work hard, hold on to the money that is coming to you and move out. Love your mother, but get on with your life. Peace!
Yuri, on January 22, 2016 at 1:35 pm said:

Father Joe,

My husband I married through the civil court this Dec 2015. We a have been going through the Cathechism course so I could have my First communion and Confimation and he will be joining as a Catholic.
Is having sexual relationships even when you are married by the law a sin?
Before we got married we did have intimate relations a few times…but after we decided to get married we stopped for a few months..specially because we were going through the Cathechism course and it just didn’t feel right. After our law marriage we continued…I am still a little confused about this.
I grew up with “catholic traditions” but never really knew much about he religion until a few months ago. I sought my chapel’s priest because I was going through a rough time.

Would we ever be able to have a church wedding now that we both have been intimate ? I know that we love each other very much and I know I want him to be my first and last husband.

I’m just a little confused Father, honestly. I still don’t get many of the Catholic readings…I’m getting there. I’ve been praying for God to guide me…

Your recommendations are greatly appreciated Father.

FATHER JOE:

Are you a Catholic? If neither of you is currently a Catholic then the civil law marriage alone would be recognized by the Church.

If you are a Catholic then the civil law marriage is insufficient for the Church. It is a sin for a Catholic to have sexual relations outside the sacrament of Marriage. You must tell the priest about your situation.
Given that you are a Catholic, you will need to have the civil marriage “convalidated” before a priest and two witnesses. (Essentially that will be your marriage in the Church.)

Continue to take instructions for the sacraments and for your civil law spouse to enter the Church. Peace!
john, on January 20, 2016 at 10:53 pm said:

Death of my mother, 91 years old. My Mom is an old school and devout Roman Catholic. She had communion thus past Sunday, 2 days before her death.

Due to frozen ground and snow conditions at cemetery she can’t be buried until May. Is it acceptable in the catholic faith to wait and have her funeral mass in May on the day of her burial or must the funeral mass be done now. Your prompt reply is appreciated.

FATHER JOE: Where do you live that the ground will be frozen until May? There is no absolute rule about such things but there is a preference for sooner. Indeed, there is no good reason to delay the funeral Mass. That Mass is offered for the repose of her soul and the final commendation is made. If internment is delayed, then committal prayers may also follow. However, they are usually offered over the grave site. This is frequently the case with Veterans who must wait for internment in military cemeteries. The body is held until the scheduled time. The elements of a funeral may be truncated but this is the pattern: (1) vigil and/or viewing [which may include special prayers or a rosary], (2) funeral Mass; (3) internment prayers at the grave, and (4) a repast at home or in a hall.
T, on January 20, 2016 at 4:35 pm said:

Hi father what is the Catholic Church view on treatments to get pregnant such as icsi and ivf

FATHER JOE: The Catholic Church condemns such interventions. The problems are many: (1) bypassing the marital act; (2) the introduction of a third party; (3) the treatment of human life as a commodity; (4) the process by which sperm and eggs are cultivated; (5) the freezing of embryos; (6) the destruction of excess embryos; etc.
Carol wiles, on January 18, 2016 at 6:19 pm said:

Should I as a Catholic baptized by dying Jewish after in law

FATHER JOE: I cannot figure out what you mean to say. Sorry.
Aaron Augustine, on January 18, 2016 at 5:13 am said:

Hello Father,

I was browsing through this blue Pieta prayer booklet that I possess, when I came across a prayer titled “The Fifteen Prayers revealed by Our Lord to Saint Bridget of Sweden in the Church of St. Paul at Rome.” I want to know if the 21 promises associated with this prayer–revealed to St. Bridget in a revelation from Jesus, so the Pieta states–are genuine and legitimate.

The Pieta booklet affirms these promises as true with the following statements: “Pope Benedict XV expressed himself as follows on the Revelations of St. Bridget: ‘The approbation of such revelations implies nothing more than, after mature examination, it is permissible to publish them for the unit of the faithful. Though they don’t merit the same credence as the truths of religion, one can, however, believe them out of human faith, conforming to the rules of prudence by which they are probable and supported by sufficient motives that one might believe in them piously;'” and, “Pope Pius IX took cognizance of these Prayers with the prologue; he approved them May 31, 1862 recognizing them as true and for the good of souls. This sentence of Pope Pius IX has been confirmed by the realization of the promises by all persons who have recited the prayers…”

However, I came across an online article that states that these 21 promises are not genuine: (To save space, I will post the link to the article)
http://www.preces-latinae.org/thesaurus/Filius/StBrigid.html

I am confused; there seems to be a lot of confusion about this matter with other people as well. Both of these sources cannot be true, so which one is? I am asking you because you are a Catholic priest and can give me, hopefully, a valid verdict on this matter. Furthermore, if the church is unsure of the validity of such promises, may I believe in them based on faith?

Thank you Father!

FATHER JOE: I am a fan of these reflective prayers on Christ’s passion and wounds. Many popes and the universal Church have promoted them. But the promises that accompany the prayers have no official ecclesiastical standing. They are not mandated. Of course, it is all private revelation and one is not obliged to give full assent. In other words, you can say the prayers and not worry about the promises.
Michelle, on January 15, 2016 at 3:41 am said:

Dear Father Joe:

I have been reading different opinions about what happens to unbaptized infants when they die in or out of the womb. I don’t know what the controversy is? Isn’t this common sense? Saints Joseph, Anne, Joachim and all those good and faithful to God before Christ died on the cross went to heaven after his crucifixion and resurrection opened the gates of heaven. The faithful before Christ were not baptized. What is so hard to figure out about this? God is merciful and just. This drives me crazy because 30 years ago I had an abortion which I confessed to a priest and was forgiven. I panicked and wasn’t thinking clearly. My sister suffered a few miscarriages and this pulls at our heartstrings.

FATHER JOE:

Those deemed righteous before the coming of Christ resided in the “limbo of the fathers.” Jesus descended to this abode of the dead that they might enter heaven. It no longer exists. He literally takes them with him in his ascension. The normative manner of entering into the dispensation of Christ is through faith and baptism. Of course, Christ saves whom he wills and we trust in his mercy.

[CCC 1261] As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,” allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

That is about the most we can say. There is no way to avoid all pain in body or mind in this world. We must live with the brokenness in our world and in ourselves. There are still some who suppose a limbo of the innocents, but that seems more a scholastic theological construct than a biblical teaching. Jesus did not say much about the issue of infants who die without baptism. All we can do is trust the Lord.
RRC, on January 15, 2016 at 2:13 am said:

Hello Father Joe,

Is having orgasms and ejaculations in a happy marriage a sin? I’m asking because I’ve been reading a lot of gnostic spiritual teachings online about containing sexual energy, so one can’t orgasm or ejaculate with his wife in order to enter the kingdom of God. Apparently that’s the only way to bring the fire of the holy spirit up your spine. Is this true? Please help because I want to have kids with my wife but how can I do that ?

FATHER JOE: Stop reading gnostic or NEW AGE superstition! It is nonsense. It is false religion. What God creates is good. God gave spouses the marital act as a gift to realize their fidelity and to make possible the propagation of children. The Holy Spirit comes with faith and the sacraments. Love each other and be open to children. That is how you remain in God’s favor.
sheila lacey, on January 12, 2016 at 2:32 am said:

Do Christians and Muslims worship the same God. Is Allah the same as God the Father – first Person of the Trinity?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Pope John Paul II thought that the Allah of Moslems was the same one God of Christianity. That seems to be the general consensus today. God is a Trinity, regardless as to whether it is understood by Moslems and Jews. The Trinity is the demarcation between a supernatural and a natural faith.
Lee, on January 10, 2016 at 11:55 pm said:

I am curious about the new statement from the Vatican regarding the Jews.

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/the.vatican.has.said.catholics.dont.need.to.convert.jews.what.does.this.mean/73296.htm

Apparently it says Jews can be saved without believing that Jesus is the son of God. Obviously this is a clear contradiction to what Jesus himself says and to Catholic teaching of the past 2000 years or so.

We speak of the Old Covenant, which the Jews violated, and the New and everlasting Covenant under which there is neither Greek nor Jews and to which every person must belong in order to be saved. It has never been taught that Jews can stick to their old covenant, not believe that Jesus is the son of God, and still be saved.

If in fact the Catholic Chuch is now stating that Jews do not need to convert to Catholicism or even believe in Jesus as son of God in order to be saved, then this is such a radical departure from our faith that it means that the Pope (or whoever authorized this statement) is a heretic.

Your reaction please!

FATHER JOE: I would suggest reading the actual document, carefully noting the nuanced language. The notion of two covenants which it mentions was a view denounced by Pope Benedict XVI and the late Cardinal Avery Dulles. There is one covenant but God’s promises are irrevocable. Christ is affirmed as the one way to the Father. He is the fulfillment of the law and the prophets. The document is clearly demarcated as not a DOCTRINAL one. Thus it holds no specific weight regarding the catechism. It is a working document, the result of ecumenical discussions and a certain level of speculation. While the Church canonizes saints, she does not go out of her way to judge people as either saved or damned. Given their role in salvation history, we can certainly say that anti-Semitism is a sin and attacks something at the heart of Christianity where the promises made to the Jews are fulfilled in our Lord. Judaism signifies true religion in that it is the result of a genuine supernatural encounter with the living God. We may not aggressively proselytize Jews, but we are still required to witness JESUS CHRIST to everyone. We can hope and pray that the first people called by God will come to a deeper understanding and relationship with Jesus. The new Israel is not a political state in the Middle East but is the New Zion of the Catholic Church. I suspect that certain Jewish authorities will make more of the dialogue and speculation than most learned Catholics. The change in language about so-called collective guilt was nothing new but went all the way back to the Council of Trent where we were taught that Christ was targeted by the accumulative sins of all humanity throughout every time and place. We are all guilty… Jews and Gentiles alike.
Lutheran married to Catholic, on January 10, 2016 at 6:52 pm said:

In the wedding vows, we are asked if we are willing to welcome children into the household. If a couple says no, will you refuse to marry them? What about those who are barren or sterile? Should they not marry?

FATHER JOE: I recently answered this. The question is not asked if the couple are beyond child-bearing years. There the essential good of the bond is fidelity. Young couples who have the capacity to have children must answer YES or they invalidate their vows. Remember, the couple is the proper minister of the sacrament. They must intend what Christ and his Church understand by marriage. It must also reflect the natural law.
Findingmywaybackhome, on January 10, 2016 at 3:43 pm said:

Thanks Father I will confess the sin. Again I’m grateful for your time. Have a great mass today.
chinonye, on January 9, 2016 at 5:12 pm said:

Hi Father
When Jesus said we shouldn’t criticise priests, does it mean we should live in denial of certain priests who do evil acts? What is the right attitude towards this sort of thing? I have like two priests in my country with questionable attitudes, abusive behaviours and love of money, associating with corrupt politicians etc.
Will it be wrong for me to criticise their actions? Thanks

FATHER JOE: The trouble is that many people have views about priests that cannot be substantiated and which merely reflect their biases and the gossip of others. Good men suffer much from calumny. If there is a genuine problem with a priest then the matter should be brought up directly with him. If that fails to make a positive impact, then it should be taken to another priest or his superior (bishop). If there is a clear case of criminal abuse, then the police should be notified.
Fatah Cess, on January 9, 2016 at 3:18 pm said:

I frequently have dreams of others coming onto me, not my husband, but in my dreams they insist on manipulating my thoughts to believe they are my husband while I question it in my head, and they try to seduce me, sometimes succeeding.

Sometimes I am aware and can say no and escape, other times I feel doubtful and suspicious in my dreams and can escape it, other times I am not as aware and give in and things become more and more intensely sexual and immoral.

These dreams really bother me and I feel so defeated, so weak, so guilty, embarrassed, ashamed. Because I enjoy the sexual pleasures so much.

Help me understand.

FATHER JOE: It is said that dreams are the mind’s way of working out problems or conflicts. Not everyone remembers their dreams. All that said, you should look to your life as to what might be fueling these dreams or nightmares. As for what is moral and immoral, human judgment is compromised when you sleep. You might feel guilty but you cannot really sin in your dreams.
S, on January 9, 2016 at 5:44 am said:

Father,
I would appreciate it if you spoke briefly about traditionalists and sedevacantists. There is also a website called Holy Family Monastery. They seem to know what they are talking about as they produce hour-long videos. Could you please visit it and tell me what you think?
Also, could you recommend any books that refute Sedevacantism?
Are there any monastic orders (such as Benedictines, Carthusians, Carmelites, Dominicans, etc.) today who still celebrate the Pre Vatican II Liturgy?
Also, are SSPX Masses and Confessions valid?
Many thanks.

FATHER JOE:

Pope Francis has extended the SSPX priests the authority to hear confessions during the Year of Mercy. However, they would insist that they need no specially permission.

I do not have a ready list of those monastic communities celebrating the old Mass. Some like the Dominicans, had their own Latin Mass in days gone by. I heard it was celebrated last year at their House of Studies in DC. A monastic group that offers both the reformed and tridentine rituals would be the Norbertines in California. An old friend, Eugene Hayes is their abbot (https://stmichaelsabbey.com/). They offer beautiful Gregorian Chant.

As for Holy Family Monastery, it has no juridical standing. It is not even recognized by the SSPX. Frederick Dimond runs the show but they have no priests and it is not a true religious community. It is more a hate-group. But is it even a group? Last I heard there was only one angry young man running the business and playing monk.
konakenny, on January 8, 2016 at 3:36 pm said:

I have an odd question – having a Catholic marriage ceremony, is there any stipulation about having the bridesmaids next to the bride and groomsmen next to the groom? We were discussing this and wondering the possibility of having her side and me having my side.

FATHER JOE: There is no universal stipulation. The parish may have its guidelines, given the size of the liturgical space.
Findingmywaybackhome, on January 7, 2016 at 4:50 pm said:

Thanks Father Joe. I appreciate your time and the time and care you spend on each response to all the questions people ask you. That is a tremendous amount of mental stamina I think God has blessed you with! So should I talk to my local Roman Catholic priest and ask for forgiveness for being a part of a non Roman Catholic Church. I’ve read that it falls under the criteria of excommuntication and that is something I don’t want. Thanks again. God bless.

FATHER JOE: No one is automatically excommunicated for any offense if, without any fault of his own, he was unaware that he was violating a law (CIC 1323:2) or that a penalty was attached to the law (CIC 1324:1:9). But you must have known it was a sin (even if not excommunicated) thus confession is important.
Dominique, on January 7, 2016 at 2:43 pm said:

Hi Father,
Is it correct to say that “God, according to His love, guides and cares for not only the relationships between God Himself and human, but also every human to human relationship”?

Thank you,

FATHER JOE: I have a hard time imagining that God is “guiding” a relationship where an ISIS fanatic is chopping off the head of a Chaldean Christian. God wants us to love each other. But sin remains a refusal to love.
Findingmywaybackhome, on January 7, 2016 at 12:25 pm said:

Greetings father. I recently emailed you about your thoughts on old Catholicism and was worried that I may have come across as trying to provoke a debate. That was the total opposite of what I wanted. I was a part of an old catholic / American catholic organization but didn’t join it in protest to the Roman Catholic Church. I have been left that church despite having invested so much into it spiritually, socially, financially etc. I left because I felt the church was trying to be more accepted by the world we live in today where it seems “anythng goes”. I have gone to a RC confession but didn’t confess this yet because I don’t want to be in the middle of any hard feelings this priest may or may not have had with one another. I am ready to confess it and hope I’m not excommunicated and want to do what ever I need to in order to be in good standing with God and His True church. I was a devout catholic as a teen and during my college years into my late twenties strayed and then felt god calling me back to Him after seeing how hollow and shallow my life had become. I tried other churches because I felt disillusioned by Roman Catholicism but eventually felt God calling me back to the Eucharist and my heart I believe Eucharist is the single most important sacrament. Sorry I made this so long. Advice would be very much appreciated thank you. God bless

FATHER JOE: There are many things that can trouble us, both in our society as a whole and in the Church. How do we deal with it? I would oppose any type of ghetto mentality where we shut ourselves off from others. I have argued such with traditionalists for years. Separate ourselves and we leave the world and our Church to the dissenters and revisionists. We must be part of the mix if our voices are to be taken seriously. Every age has its struggles. God would have us speak up for the truth and witness to his loving presence. God bless you!
Andrea Giuliano, on January 7, 2016 at 1:35 am said:

How does one respond to a bridal shower for a woman who has lived with her partner for 12 years? I just received one in the mail and they have a registry at a local retailer.

FATHER JOE: I don’t really know… send a card saying, “It’s about time!” or “Glad to hear he’s finally going to make an honest woman of you!” Hum, maybe not? Twelve years seems a awfully long time to take a car on a test drive before finally deciding to buy it!

Do they have children? Are they returning to the Church?
kimbies, on January 6, 2016 at 7:27 am said:

Good Day Father Joe

Happy New Year! I hope this message finds you well.

I have a question regarding infertility. My husband and I have one son, who is 8 years old. Since his birth we have been unable to conceive a second child. I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid 7 years ago, and have been on medication ever since. I have always assumed that the reason for our inability to conceive is my thyroid. We have not had extensive testing done, nor have we consulted fertility specialists

In December I had a menstrual problem and my doctor referred me to a gynaecologist. After scans and blood tests, she told me that there are no problems with my womb or ovaries, and that my thyroid levels have come down to a normal range, which means that I should have no problem conceiving. However, she also mentioned that I might have a hormonal imbalance (we are still waiting for blood results) and if this is the case, then I have the option of medicating myself so that I would be able to conceive.

My question is would it be a sin to take this medication for the sole purpose of conceiving? Is it not unnatural? And on the other hand, would it be a sin to not take the medication; in other words rejecting the chance to conceive again?

My husband and I are both 30.

Any advice would be appreciated. God bless you Father Joe.

FATHER JOE:

The Catholic Church is not necessarily opposed to fertility treatments, as long as they facilitate or work with nature and the couple can engage in the marital act. Thus, yes, you can seek assistance in this regard of maintaining hormonal balance.

Are you obliged to do so? That is hard to answer. I would say not absolutely because the infertility was not intentional or man-made. (The only wrinkle in the question might be in regard to couples suffering from an abortifacient or contraceptive mentality. But this is obviously not the case with you.) Many people might not have your access to treatments and technology that could make a difference. All the Church requires is that a couple remains open to life. You are not required to do everything possible to have babies. You are also not required to undergo procedures with unwanted risks or that would be deemed “extraordinary.”

However, depending upon how intrusive, this sounds like a wonderful opportunity for the two of you. Openness to parenthood is a happy duty of married life. Extending your family sounds like something you really want. Thirty is not so old these days. I will keep you in prayer.
Jack, on January 5, 2016 at 12:51 am said:

Julie, The Puritan good Father leaves no room for conscience.

FATHER JOE: Conscience must be properly formed in accordance with the truth and in obedience to Christ and his Church. It does not mean that one can do whatever he or she wants to do, regardless of the moral law. Freedom of conscience is not moral license or absolute (in this sense). Even if a person were subject to invinceable or vinceable ignorance, and something of the subjective gravity of mortal sin was mitigated, certain acts would remain wrong or intrinsically evil.

He must know that most married couples engage in non-vaginal penetration sex.

FATHER JOE: Unless the critic has secret cameras in all the bedrooms of the world, he cannot know this. However, the determination for what is right and wrong cannot be made subject to a dissenting majority formed more by a hedonistic culture than by the Gospel or a respect for the natural law. Anal and oral intercourse is condemned by the Church, both for heterosexuals and homosexuals. It falls upon a sword akin to that of self-pollution. The compass points to selfishness and it is not life-giving.

A non-Puritan free thinker or Freud would define it as “foreplay.”

FATHER JOE: The issue of foreplay has been discussed here before. This scenario is not foreplay. The problem presented is when oral sex is sought as its own ends, not as a means toward the marital act.

After my first wife died I attended a Catholic grieving program at Lake Placid, NY and run by the dioceses of Ogdensburg. In a session I sat next to a beautiful naive woman who was living in their former summer camp without insulation while her ex was cozy with his new find and living in their well insulated home. As the Priest completed his segment on sin the woman spouted “Father, is it a sin to have sex before church?” The place collapsed in laughter. What ever made her think that? You might ask WHY I went I went through all this effort. Well, I blog a lot on catholicVote.org and most of my points go over well.

FATHER JOE: This bit is non-topical to the discussion at hand. Ridicule of priests and minimizing sin is not a means to live a faithful Christian life. Sexual relations between a husband and wife are not sinful as long as they are open to life and further fidelity.