Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Frank Del Bagno, on November 4, 2014 at 10:09 pm said:

Fr. Joe, It is very clear to me, and stated in the New Testatment at the Last Supper that Jesus said to take this bread and eat and take this cup and drink. He pointed out also that unless you take and eat and drink you will not have life within you. Very clear. This is the main, main part of the Last Supper and the Mass. And yet, many parishes do not permit anyone to take and drink..a direct violation of what Jesus said. Why, because man made, and I repeat man made rules by the Church said it is ok because you get both in the bread.Well don’t you think Jesus would have also had that opinion. No he did not He was very, very clear. So we have a church that is always willing to put man made ideas above what Jesus taught. What are you thoughts? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

Remember that Catholicism has two fonts of revelation which feed our doctrines: Scripture and Tradition. Liturgical tradition is varied upon this question. Taking the chalice is a more expressive or full sign value, but the doctrine of concomitance still holds. Indeed, it is a vital element of the deposit of faith and Eucharistic teaching. It is not a man-made teaching, but one which emerges from the very nature of the sacrament. Jesus is totally present in his humanity and divinity within every crumb of the host and every drop of the precious blood. Jesus gave the Church authority over the sacraments and how they are administered. The normative way in Catholicism to receive the precious blood is still through intinction, not the cup. However, bishops can and do permit priests to offer the chalice. It is not required and sometimes it is not practical given the size of congregations, needed extraordinary ministers, allergies to either wine or gluten and the fear of disease. The main element of the command is to receive the sacrament. While we believe in the Eucharistic presence, the Church has never followed an absolute literalism about reception. Eastern churches mix the elements and they are distributed from a spoon. Some churches use a metal tube or straw. Catholicism has permitted intinction, more recently the cup, and traditionally just the host.

If one is not of one mind with the Magisterium about this then it might be best for the person not to receive at all. Dissent about the Eucharist makes the response “Amen” into a deceit. A faithful communicant is literally saying “I truly believe,” not only in the Eucharistic Christ but in the authority of the Church that offers it. Receiving the Body of Christ while fighting against the mystical Body of Christ, the Church, is a dire scandal.

Let me repeat that Christ is fully present in either species of Holy Communion. The pattern of giving the congregation only the host finds support at the Council of Constance (1415) in response to the heretical teachings of John Wycliffe. You really do not want to associate yourself with him.
Ana, on November 4, 2014 at 6:19 pm said:

Dear Father,

Thank you for your prayers. I talked about it with my counselor and the priest at my parish, and I’ve let it go and forgiven the priest who was like my dad. Part of what really helped me to let go was seeing it as “professional” rather than “personal”, suggested by the priest at my parish. I think that the lines were accidentally blurred a bit between us in his genuine efforts to help me, adding to the confusion. I’m going to continue praying for him, and thanking God for sending him. 🙂

It got me thinking though; would you say the priesthood is widely treated more like a career than a vocation? There are many priests who I sense do have a very business-like approach to it, rather than what you quoted from St. Paul. I’m sure part of it is due to the scandals and the lower numbers of priests to do things, making a need for careful organization of time and energy. However…is it good to think of your vocation as a job? Marriages aren’t jobs, nor is the consecrated single life. I don’t know, I just got thinking. I hope I don’t offend in any way with this question. My understanding of relationships are really messed up and I want to learn what’s true.

FATHER JOE: I have never seen the priesthood as a job. A vocation is not a job or career… it is even more than a way of living… IT IS WHO I AM.
chinonye, on November 3, 2014 at 9:55 pm said:

Father as a youth how does one control sexual urges so as not to sin? Does one sin when they experience sexual urges?

FATHER JOE: Urges and temptations come but are not sins in themselves… unless there is teasing or deliberately placing oneself into the near occasion of sin.
chinonye, on November 3, 2014 at 9:12 am said:

Father I started the Nov 1-8 prayer for souls in purgatory, and I attend 6am mass. My mum told my dad about it and my dad told me to stop attending the 6am mass, that its dangerous going out by that time. What do I do since I ve already started the prayers? Do I totally abandon it? I honestly felt so bad and felt treated like a child.

FATHER JOE: Don’t know the danger issues where you live… however, you can pray anywhere.
chinonye, on November 1, 2014 at 12:33 pm said:

Father! What does the bible phrase “judge not and you will not be judged” truly mean? Does it mean I can’t form an opinion about somebody or something?

FATHER JOE: It means that we should not presume that someone is cursed or damned by God.
Gail, on November 1, 2014 at 4:56 am said:

Father Joe, my fiance and I have been planning for our wedding next April. We have booked the church already and is currently finishing all the church requirements. However, my student visa will expire next May and I recently talked to my counselor and told me that I will be out of status after May. So we thought about getting a civil wedding this December for paper purposes only. He lives in LA and visits me here in FL once a month. After our civil, we won’t be living in the same roof and will wait for the blessing of the church before we engage to sex. Can we still have our church wedding with mass next april?

FATHER JOE: Probably so, but you need to talk with the priest who will witness the marriage. Policies about this vary from place to place. Indeed, legalities in certain countries require both civil registration and a church service. The priest wears both hats in the U.S. When couples have civil marriages and cohabitate (sharing sexual congress) some dioceses and clergy refuse to allow large or formal church weddings. Con-validations are then done in small chapels or in the rectory before the priest and two witnesses. But there is no music, no crowd of onlookers, and no fancy dress.
chinonye, on October 31, 2014 at 3:02 pm said:

Hello Father, I would show my biological mother I love her by being obedient to her, having fond feelings for her, pleasing her etc. Its easy because I can see her, but I want to feel the same way about Mother Mary, have fond feelings for her whenever I think about her, like I do to my mum.
I don’t know if you understand where I’m coming from. Its like when I try to meditate on the life of Jesus, its difficult at times because like the church says our understanding is limited.
Dave Protestant, on October 31, 2014 at 2:40 pm said:

What is it with Catholics and Mary? Do any of you ever bother to read the Bible?

FATHER JOE:

I deleted the link to your Facebook account on account of vulgarity and the “F” word. How can you do this and regard yourself still able to speak for Jesus? You know nothing and would invite others to share your prejudice and ignorance.

“Hail full of grace” (Luke 1:28).

“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).

“Blessed art thou amongst women” (Luke 1:42).

“All generations shall call me blessed” (Luke 1:48).

“Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed” (Luke 2:34-35).

NEWS FLASH! Mary is dead— dead as a doornail. She gave up the ghost and is sleeping until judgment day.

FATHER JOE: Our Lord tells us that ours is the God of the living, not the dead. The believers in soul sleep deny both the immortal soul and the existence of hell. The message of the resurrection and the communion of the saints is that we can have a share in Christ’s life. The grave will not consume us. Heaven is real and we will know both eternal life and reunion with those who have gone before us. Love is not conquered by the grave. Our blessed dead are alive in Christ, still loving and praying for us. Notice that our Lord makes references to ghosts and appears with Elijah and Moses in the Transfiguration. Remember also the parable of the rich man and Lazarus in the afterlife. Mary is assumed body and soul into heaven as a sign for us and the Church.

Dianna Luciferus, on the other hand, might answer those prayers.

FATHER JOE: Condemning the things of God as demonic is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Mary is a blessed creature, not a goddess and not the devil. Mary, as the queen of the saints, intercedes for us. Jesus gave us Mary from the Cross to our emissary, John. “Behold your mother!” The Mother of the Redeemer would become the Mother of All the Redeemed.

Geez, if the invention of moveable type didn’t wake you up to the fact you’re following the very antichrist, the internet leaves you with no excuse whatsoever.

FATHER JOE: The multiplication of words is no assurance on truth. Bigotry and ignorance can be expressed in many or a few words. You prove this on your website by slurring African-Americans.

Grow up peasants. Mary worship! Oh em gee! So medieval. Whatever next? A Negro for president? What’s the world coming to?

FATHER JOE: You are a hateful racist. You give a bad name to fundamentalists and SDA believers.
Carol, on October 30, 2014 at 10:19 pm said:

IF Peter was the 1st Pope, why was he martyred?

FATHER JOE: I do not see any inner contradiction with the statement. All the apostles but John were martyred. There were three centuries of martyrs. Many of the early popes were put to death by the pagan Roman authorities. The word “pope” was not initially used, although no one question his juridical authority or his spiritual fatherhood (papa = pope). The apostles were the first bishops and Peter died as the Bishop of Rome. He had no cathedral church and no tiara, but he did have the authority given him as ROCK by Jesus Christ.
Ruth, on October 30, 2014 at 8:19 am said:

Oh my goodness..and all the while I’ve been thinking of priests as people who had no ambition in life..very relaxed and not as busy or anxious as the other people..
Charisse Buzzella, on October 30, 2014 at 3:07 am said:

Father Joe, I recently got divorced after being married for nearly 38 years. Leaving my husband and divorcing him was probably the hardest decision I ever had to make, but he really gave me no choice as he had been having an inappropriate relationship with a younger woman. I told him I would forgive him and asked him to get end the relationship and severe all ties with her, but he wouldn’t. So, we divorced and now I have received paperwork saying that he wants our marriage annulled so that he can remarry and to be able to do so in the Catholic Church. He wants to marry the very woman with whom he had been cheating on me. So, my question is, if the Tribunal is aware of his infidelity and grants the annulment, will the Catholic Church then bless his marriage to this woman with whom he violated our marriage vows?

FATHER JOE: Had they murdered you so as to get married in the Church, we might have charged them with the impediment of crime. But adultery today would not necessarily stop a marriage. I would respond honestly about the betrayal and adultery. I cannot say what a tribunal might decide. I had a case years ago that still haunts me. A man was married and had children with a woman he had civilly married. Another woman deliberately seduced him with the intention to steal him. The man got a declaration of nullity because he was married out of the Church. However, it still disgusted me. The woman with whom he had an affair joked about how she was going to make him a Catholic boy in good standing again. She married him in the Church. I will pray for you. My feeling is that he should not be rewarded for his adultery.
Ana, on October 30, 2014 at 12:27 am said:

How do I move on?

FATHER JOE: Talking with your current pastor or a good counselor is part of it. But as a believer, it is also taking up your cross and following Jesus. We can know joy but this is a valley of tears. We cannot escape betrayal, abandonment, suffering, sickness and death. We go forward with a mature faith and courage.
Ana, on October 29, 2014 at 10:00 pm said:

I don’t want to make you feel put on the spot, but following what Ruth said, what if one is no longer one of his flock? The priest I mentioned once to have spoken harshly means a lot to me. He was the first person I told about what happened to me, and reacted with compassion. A lot of things changed for me for the better as I talked to him. He helped me meet people, included me in things. I looked up to him like the father I never had, and thank God I and my parish had him while we did.

After he left the parish, he didn’t want to talk anymore. I think he’s irritated to just see me at his parish when I’d visit. I don’t need his help, I’d just want to give him updates, I thought he’d care and want to know. I didn’t want him to worry about me. But he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with it, with me. It’s partially my past talking, I’m sure, but but only partially. I feel like he was just doing a job. He’d say these harsh things, and I always become hysterically sad like the world’s ending because of this stupid attachment.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel this attachment to him. I didn’t mean to have it. I don’t want to want a father, and I don’t want to want him as a father. I have other friends who care about me, like the new priest who came to our parish, I look to God and St. Joseph as my fathers as Mary is my mother, but I still feel this way for the priest. I hate myself for it.

I know very well how busy priests are, but is this how it’s supposed to be when a priest switches parishes? Is it just me? Am I being bad?

FATHER JOE: Ana, I cannot speak about the motives of a priest I do not know. There are also many levels to this particular case which would complicate my speculation. Priests are urged to practice a personal detachment. They are assigned and they serve and they move on. I would suggest simply being thankful that when you needed him, he was there. He moved on. Maybe you need to as well? You’re in my prayers.
Scott, on October 29, 2014 at 8:14 pm said:

My wife and I care for each other quite deeply. We got pregnant before we were Married, and were Married quickly where we both felt a little pressure from our families that might have effected our judgement, and I believe I knew that fidelity would be a struggle for me.

I’m not sure if my Marriage is considered to be invalid. However, I don’t feel like I should Divorce my wife, and we have two kids. If our Marriage was never valid, do I have an obligation to correct this somehow? I suppose I’m afraid that if it is invalid, that perhaps we made a mistake, although I don’t necessarily feel like Divorce is the answer.

FATHER JOE: Sorry, I am very confused by your comment. Are you Catholics? Were you married in the Church? If so, and the marriage is good and strong, then stop worrying about it. You are married. If you are Catholics married outside the Church, then see a priest about con-validating the union. I take it there are no prior bonds. For goodness sake, stay together. Peace!
chinonye, on October 29, 2014 at 4:32 pm said:

Dear Father, how do I grow in love with Mother Mary? Sometimes when I read about saints who eulogized her, I feel awkward about the praises being given to her. How do I show her I love her?

FATHER JOE: How would you show your biological mother that you love her? Think it through. You know the answer.
Ruth, on October 29, 2014 at 3:27 pm said:

What I meant is they hardly care about even talking to people at times…let alone fulfilling their spiritual needs…

FATHER JOE: The priest needs to care for each and every one of his flock. However, that does not mean he has much time for fatherly chats. The priest’s life has never been so hectic, given our few numbers: Mass, sick calls, diocesan and parish meetings, counseling, confessions, negotiating contracts, administering a parish and paying bills, counseling, maintain a web presence, bible study, RCIA, baptismal instructions and other classes, marriage preparation, annulment cases, religious education, youth group, charity outreach to the poor and the parish food pantry, rosaries outside abortion clinics, involvement with the Knights of Columbus (or Knights of St. John), homily preparation, praying the breviary five times a day, daily holy hour, rosary, etc. Priests weep in prayer for their people, yes the very ones who criticize them.
Ruth, on October 29, 2014 at 11:42 am said:

Spiritual fathers… but nowadays most priests don’t seem to be very fatherly… 😦

FATHER JOE: ???
Ana, on October 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm said:

Dear Father,

How are priests Fathers?

-Ana

FATHER JOE:

In the same manner that St. Paul regarded himself a father. We are spiritual fathers. 1 Corinthians 4:14-15: “I am writing you this not to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. Even if you should have countless guides to Christ, yet you do not have many fathers, for I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”
Transformer321, on October 28, 2014 at 4:01 pm said:

Thank you Father Joe, that did help.
Transformer321, on October 28, 2014 at 1:57 pm said:

We are not minors and we are only a year apart. There is no sex involve in our friendship. The problem here is that before I knew he was bysexcual we were getting to know each other & I was starting to like him. We had even talked about a possible relationship in the future. Things were going great and He has never disrespected me. The problem began when I found out that he is bysexcual and that goes against my beliefs. Therefore , sometimes I feel like that could cause a problem if we were to decide to take our friendship into a relationship. I tried explaining this to him but he doesn’t understand because in his mind, “if he had never told me, I wouldn’t have looked at him any different” and this is true. Now I still feel stuck.

FATHER JOE: Okay, I guess I missed the fact that you are female. It sounds to me that more than family concerns, the issue is how you feel about his admission. If you did move into a relationship and possibly marriage, you would both still be called to lifelong fidelity. Heterosexual or bisexual, once you are committed to a heterosexual marriage, it is for keeps. Good husbands will be attracted to others, but they remain faithful and go home with their wives. Not knowing him, I cannot say if there are other warning bells going off. I guess I would suggest that you continue to explore where this friendship might go. Courtship can be a beautiful thing… but you will never find a perfect partner. He trusted you enough to be honest with you. That probably speaks to his good character. Find out if he is on the same page with you about monogamous fidelity. Be a good friend and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Transformer321, on October 28, 2014 at 1:37 am said:

Hello, I am actually on here because I would like to ask a question that hopefully helps me find a solution to a problem that I thought would never happen to me. I am catholic & my parents have always taught me the teaches of the Catholic Church. However, recently I met a new person who I been talking to for a while. Earlier in the week I found out that this person is bysexcual. I was really starting to like this person but when they told me the truth I began to feel very different toward them. I know that we are no body to judge but I feel like I am going against my religion beliefs. I can’t seem to tell my parents because I know they will judge. I don’t know if it is correct to contuine talking to this person & make a relationship or should I completely stop the conversation and forget it ever happen. I need help because I don’t know what I should do or if staying with this person is even correct? What would God say to me?

FATHER JOE: How old are you and how old is your friend? Are you both minors? There are many reasons I ask this. First, many young people these days suffer through confusion about identity and sexual orientation. Second, young people should not be sexually active and sometimes they are preyed upon by older teens and adults (regardless of orientation). The disclosure of bisexuality might be a sign of profound trust from your friend; however, not knowing him or the situation, it could also be a setup for seduction. You would have to ascertain the situation. If you are a minor, could you talk with parents about this? While the Church does not condone sexual activity outside of marriage, sexual disorientation is not sinful in itself. That means there is nothing inherently wrong with a chaste and platonic relationship (non-sexual) with your friend.
D. Strauss, on October 27, 2014 at 7:41 pm said:

Aren’t priests suppose to help with all aspects of Parishioners lives? How can you say you don’t get involved, when someone needs your help?

FATHER JOE: The priest as a healer helps when and where he can, but he must also know his personal limitations and those imposed by his vocation. Priests are rightly taught not to micro-manage the lives of others. We speak in generalities from the pulpit or online. We deal in a pastoral way in private counsel or personal correspondence. We give people room to make their own decisions and to live their own lives. We can offer some counsel, forgive sins, offer the Eucharist, and shepherd over a faith community. But we must also respect boundaries. Certain efforts at help might not be help at all… but an enabling for dependence and immaturity. The priest has his role but people have a right to their personal lives without the intrusion of others, even clergy. This is operative in Confession as well; a priest acknowledges the seal, not to speak about or to acknowledge what has been revealed. The priest is Jesus’ instrument and he always steps aside for Christ who is the true Savior.
chinonye, on October 27, 2014 at 11:44 am said:

Father I made a resolve to attend mass at least 4 or 5 times in a week rather than on sundays alone. I’m so new to this and each time I hear voices in my head telling me I’m acting weird, that this isn’t how I used to be, that my attending mass like this isn’t from my heart, that I’m forcing myself etc. Its so crazy what goes on in my head.
How do I resolve this? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: If we have the time it is a wonderful way to pray daily.
Zara, on October 26, 2014 at 5:25 pm said:

Dear Father Joe
Yesterday I read that people in china are eating cat, dogs and donkeys that are still alive. I just think that it is too brutal and wrong. So why is God looking at all of this and not doing anything to punish those people or to not allow such things to happen? God is supposed to love and protect all the creatures He has created, isn’t He?

FATHER JOE: God loves his creation, yes. However, he has made the human race the steward of his creation. Unfortunately, we often exploit more than we care.
chinonye, on October 26, 2014 at 10:52 am said:

Hello Father. I wanted to ask is it a sin to leave mass before the priest’s blessing? Today I went to mass by 8am, after the communion it was time for fund raising for students in the parish. We stayed there till past eleven with no sign of the mass ending.
My sister got fed up and requested we leave so I left with her. Was what we did sinful? Thanks and have a wonderful week ahead.

FATHER JOE: Ordinarily you should not leave until the words of sending (or dismissal). However, I must say that three hours seems a bit much.