Ask a Priest

5,435 Responses

Nagema, on May 19, 2014 at 10:26 am said:

Good morning, a few people who were learning for priesthood told me that they visit graveyards while learning! Some continued as a priest, others left and said that there are so many secrets amongst the Catholic Church. They said rituals are performed at gravesites at night? Please explain what is done there?

FATHER JOE: Someone is pulling your leg. I have never heard such nonsense. Catholicism is not a “secret” religion and there are no night time ceremonies in graveyards. Most Catholic cemeteries are closed at night to avoid vandalism. We visit graves and place flowers in remembrance like everyone else. We pray for the deceased. But there is nothing of superstition or the occult. Again, someone is lying to you.
Alex, on May 19, 2014 at 7:20 am said:

“Second, while we do not know for sure how long a soul remains with a body after death (speculation has been between one and three hours), we do not know and the transition may be immediate”

Could you comment further on this? Why 1-3 hours? Thanks!

FATHER JOE: Again, it is idle speculation. Three hours reflected the time of Jesus on the Cross. Some said an hour because of theories about death. When is a person truly dead and beyond resuscitation?
Marcella, on May 17, 2014 at 5:57 pm said:

Hello Father,
My fiance began a new job back in January and because of various “technical issues” his bank has not yet been able to give him access to his funds. His company is submitting the paycheck, and the bank is receiving it..but it is not available for use (confusing, I know.) He worked with the bank for about a month, every day we were told that it would be fixed that day but it wasn’t. So he changed banks. Now his new bank is having the same sort of issues. Everyday we are told that they’ve fixed the problem (which is usually described as a server/network issue) and that it will be available “momentarily” but it never is. This has been going on for 3 1/2 months now, and we can’t help but feel like something else is going on. We have prayed and prayed and continue to, but the bizarre nature of this whole ordeal has us questioning. Could this be some form of punishment? Or could something more underhanded be at work? This has caused us both unimaginable stress because without his pay we are stuck, we can’t move forward with any of our plans for life (such as our wedding, moving closer to our family), and my pay is enough for us to just get by. We have never put a big emphasis on money in our lives and we know that material things won’t make us happy (we’ve been through enough to have learned that early in life.) But at the same time, money is necessary in this life for a couple who wants to move forward and begin a family, etc. We just keep praying and hoping for a resolution, even though it’s a daily struggle to maintain that hope. But is that enough? We can’t help but feel that some other force is at work, it’s all just too coincidental that no sooner is one problem resolved at the bank then something else goes wrong.

FATHER JOE: Something does not smell right. If things are as you say, seek legal action.
Tony, on May 17, 2014 at 5:52 am said:

Dear Father,
I pray the rosary every day. Few weeks ago, I had a dream where it was dark. I saw a Lady wearing black. She told me that she was our virgin Mary and that she was going to relief me, and I shall die in 6 months. Could it be really her or it is just a dream. If it was really our Lady, I am not afraid to die at all and I accept it gladly.
Thank you.

FATHER JOE: We all know we are going to die. Given that you are ready there seems no reason for such a visitation. I suspect it is just a dream.
Janet, on May 14, 2014 at 12:25 pm said:

Hi Father, is there a dictated amount of time a child should mourn a parent before marrying? I heard in the olden days, people believed someone’s soul remained on Earth while they collected their intercessory prayers to avoid Purgatory. Was there a set amount of time?

FATHER JOE: There is a disconnect in the question which I cannot follow. First, the death of a parent might make marriage emotionally difficult but there is no mandated wait time. Second, while we do not know for sure how long a soul remains with a body after death (speculation has been between one and three hours), we do not know and the transition may be immediate. Third, ghosts may be associated with souls in purgation (purgatory) but there is no wandering around collecting intercessory prayers before entering purgation. Once a person dies, his or her orientation either toward God or away from him is fixed. Those souls not in heaven or hell are in purgation. They need our prayers and purification, NOT for purgatory which they already endure, BUT for heaven to which they are going. Fourth, after death and the release of the soul we do not really speak of time but rather of duration. Time requires physical or material bodies.
Not worthy, on May 14, 2014 at 5:55 am said:

How can one overcome the sin of lust?

I can’t stop masturbating nor watching porn. I have made many attempts but I keep failing. I don’t want to do it, but I always return to my ways and feel guilty immediately after doing so. I want to stop for good.

I want to have pure thoughts, which is the solution to all my problems.

I want to have self-discipline.

I not only want to stop for spiritual reasons but to regain my mental sanity and health. I keep hearing that masturbation is good for prostate cancer yet when I masturbate excessively I feel a sharp pain in my prostate which only goes away when I go days without masturbating.

I need help for I feel like less than a human being.

FATHER JOE:

When it comes to sins of the flesh, we must all deal with a fallen humanity and concupiscence, although by varying degrees of temptation. 1. We should acknowledge the immorality associated with lust. 2. We must do what we can to preserve the custody of the eyes. 3. We should avoid, as best we are able, those persons, places or things that are occasions of sin. Chastity needs to be preserved, even in marriage. Bodies should not be interchangeable. Genuine love and self-offering should be associated with sexuality: either in consecrated celibacy or in the preservation of the marriage bed. No one should be devalued or objectified by lust. The issue here is not just physical but mental and/or spiritual. What are the preoccupations of our hearts and minds? We should not surrender to sin, no matter how hard the challenges might be. There may be failures and disappointments. Human weakness is real and can place us in terrible bondage. Do not give up. Do not hate yourself. Say your prayers. If you are single, then nurture positive friendships and pursue possible courtship. If you are married, be faithful and rejoice in the special love that God has given you. The marital act and human sexuality were created by God. They are great gifts. But precisely because they are so sacred and wonderful, their exploitation or redirection becomes all the more heinous and tragic. Invite God’s grace into your life and go regularly to Confession. Go weekly if need be and ask for God’s help. There are certain sins with which people quickly overcome and others with which they may struggle a life-time. But God knows where your heart is. Sincerely try to live out your discipleship. Know that God is always ready to forgive you. Be ready as well to forgive yourself for the weaknesses of a broken humanity. Peace!
teenawrites, on May 13, 2014 at 2:10 am said:

Dear father,

Would appreciate if you could provide an email address to discuss the matter further in private. Not interested in going to court but do have a plan to complain to the Archbishop.

FATHER JOE: It is already posted here at https://bloggerpriest.com/about/
Julia, on May 13, 2014 at 1:58 am said:

Hello, I am catholic, my fiancé is Episcopalian, we want an outdoor wedding by justice of the peace. If we do so, in the future when we have children can they be baptized as Catholics? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

While priests vary in their pastoral judgments, I have baptized children born to parents who were not married. But such accompanies a pledge that the parents will raise the children in the faith.

There is a certain illogic to your situation. If you are going to spurn the authority of Christ’s Church then why would you want to raise them as Catholics? Marriage is one of the seven sacraments. Catholicism is all about sacraments. If you do not care about the sacrament of Marriage then why should you care about the sacrament of baptism? Sounds rather hypocritical, does it not? Get serious, marriage ceremonies are about more than aesthetics or getting down to nature!

My recommendation is scrap the outdoor-civil union plan and see a Catholic priest about a church-wedding. There is a reasonable six-month waiting period during which there is spiritual and material preparation. This is just, given that marriage is a life-time commitment. Marriage is both a natural union and a sacred sacramental bond, linked to or expressive of Christ’s covenant. If you are a Catholic and believe this, why would you settle for something that is counterfeit? Marriages before civil magistrates might be okay for non-believers and Protestants, but Catholic discipline and law immediately nullifies marriages outside the Church. In the eyes of God and his Church, you will not be married. Don’t you want both civil and ecclesial approbation? Don’t you want and need the graces from God to be good and loving spouses? I urge you to reconsider your plans, no matter what the expense. You both deserve a valid and licit marriage.

Given that you are both free to marry (not married to someone else), the marriage between an Episcopalian and a Catholic in the Catholic Church would be regarded as a sacrament (given that you are both baptized). You should want this. Any children you might have deserve parents who are truly married and in good standing with God. How can you give them what you yourselves might otherwise not possess?
teenawrites, on May 12, 2014 at 2:17 am said:

Dear Father,

When I said inappropriate advances, I meant forcefully trying to establish physical intimacy with clothes on and forced kissing and also encouraging the victim to participate which she refused. It is a real event – no lies. For fear of being harassed again, the victim did not speak to the priest directly but scolded him through a few SMS (mobile) messages. She also indirectly hinted that if he cannot remain celibate, better off to get married instead of defiling the priesthood.

The priest did not apologize but said he did not celebrate mass after the incident. Whether he celebrated the next mass(es) is unknown. He also asked for prayers to be faithful to his call. However the victim wants her apology and if she doesn’t get it, wants to approach higher authorities because she suspects that the priest may be behaving like this with other women because he looks like a seasoned professional. Did the priest really mean it when he said he did not celebrate mass or could he be lying? If he did lie, isn’t that another sin? Shall we approach the higher authorities and ask them to keep a watch on him?

FATHER JOE

Speculation will get us nowhere. There are too many questions unanswered. The answers would affect the scenario. Involving third party friends can only lend to the gossip and that should be avoided.

Did anyone see the encounter? Otherwise, it will be his word against the woman.

Is this part of a larger pattern for the priest? If so, her charge would be given greater credibility.

Are you certain of her veracity and stability?

What are his feelings about her and what is their personal history?

Was there any prior flirtation or effort (even if feigned) at seduction?

What was the setting for the encounter?

Were his actions possibly misinterpreted?

Is there another priest residing with him or is there one in an adjoining parish to whom she can speak?

I would move slowly because her reputation is also at risk. It would help if a local priest assisted her with the matter, even going to the chancery with her if need be. If the priest has a problem with personal boundaries then something should be done. All of us should live out our fidelity and avoid scandal.

While we live in different parts of the world, I would expect priests in India to abide by their celibacy just as here in the West.

God bless!
Michael Lombardi, on May 11, 2014 at 9:56 pm said:

Is it necessary to support the Church’s just war doctrines to be a Catholic in good standing? I find them in complete contradiction to what Jesus Himself taught.

FATHER JOE:

Individuals are free to be pacifists as long as they fulfill responsibilities, like safeguarding one’s family. Just war theory is simply an attempt to give weight to both justice and compassion. Missionaries for instance, should be willing to die for Christ and not packing weapons. Others may have a different agenda and duties. It is like the evangelical counsels… not everyone is going to live out consecrated celibacy and poverty. The natural law has not lost its binding force. People have a right to self-defense. Nations should be able to protect themselves from unjust aggression.

Sometimes not lifting a finger to safeguard others would place us in complicity with crimes against humanity. The Jewish Holocaust comes to mind as well as the various ethnic cleansings and other efforts at genocide; decent men must stand against such things, some as messengers of peace and others at the end of a sword or gun. I suspect those 300 some Nigerian girls recently kidnapped by extremists will not easily be retrieved. Should we not try, even if it means force?

If someone were going to hurt your spouse or your child, how far would you go to protect them? It is easier to be a pacifist for oneself… much harder when the stakes are the lives of others and people we love.

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword” (Matthew 10: 34).

He said to them, “But now one who has a money bag should take it, and likewise a sack, and one who does not have a sword should sell his cloak and buy one. For I tell you that this scripture must be fulfilled in me, namely, ‘He was counted among the wicked’; and indeed what is written about me is coming to fulfillment.” Then they said, “Lord, look, there are two swords here.” But he replied, “It is enough!” Then they said, “Lord, look, there are two swords here.” But he replied, “It is enough!” (Luke 22:36-38).
teenawrites, on May 11, 2014 at 7:02 am said:

Dear Father, if a priest makes physical, inappropriate advances to a woman and encourages her to co-operate in the act, does he have the right to celebrate Mass in his state of mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: Why ask such a question? Has someone acted inappropriately? If so you should talk to the priest directly. I am not sure what you mean by “physical” advances. If he touched her inappropriately then like anyone he may be guilty of harassment. Are you talking flirtation? Not knowing the specificity of the act, I cannot say if it is mortal or not? Could the advance have been accidental? Are you sure about what you saw? All this aside, even if a priest is in mortal sin, he can still confect the Eucharist and give absolution to others. The powers of the priesthood are not based upon the holiness of the man but upon the nature of his office. People have a right to the sacraments, that is primary.
Jason, on May 9, 2014 at 7:19 pm said:

I need a little advice on marriage convalidation. When my wife and I were married, it was in a Baptist church. I was not a practicing Catholic then, so the type of church didn’t matter to me. Now that I have begun RCIA and had my previous marriage annulled my wife said she would help me as much as she could to have our marriage blessed, short of becoming a Catholic herself.

When my wife and I were married, we had the understanding that if I got “back on the church wagon” our children would not be forced into picking whose church to which they would go. My wife does not resist my children attending Mass with me and the 2 that are not baptized can be so in the Catholic Church, as long as it is their decision (a Baptist practice).

Do you think any of this will pose a problem for having our marriage convalidated? I do not want to go back on what my wife and I agreed going into our marriage 9 years ago. For what I promised I am giving my children as good of a Catholic upbringing as I can. I would like to take all the sacraments and want to make sure I can do so and not break any promises I made to my wife.

FATHER JOE:

Let me try to get the picture right. Besides marriage are there other sacraments you are lacking besides marriage? RCIA is usually for converts or those missing sacraments like first communion and confirmation. Or did you take instructions just to rediscover your Catholic roots? I take it that you were a lapsed Catholic when you married your current spouse in the Baptist church. Evidently there was another bond before this because you mention an annulment.

1. Usually to get married to a non-Catholic in the Catholic Church (which is what a convalidation would be) the Catholic party has to promise to do all in his power to raise any children as Catholic. If there is absolute resistance to this promise from the other party, then it can make difficult or impossible the acquisition of the needed dispensation. In this case, the opposition is not absolute because you would be allowed to take the children to Mass. I would add to this the need for catechesis. If she insists that the children decide, then I would urge you instruct the children so that they can make an informed decision. If possible, I would suggest enrollment in a parish catechesis program or, if you can afford it, a Catholic parochial school. Just recently I baptized and gave first Holy Communion to a young boy in seventh grade. In the past I have done the same for children in second and third grade. They assent to the Apostles’ Creed and are usually initiated at Mass. Our preference is still infant baptism, but the Church will not close her doors to the children, whenever they come to her.

2. A convalidation ceremony requires that you repeat your vows with your spouse in a Catholic Church before a priest or deacon and two witnesses. You must understand that it is not a blessing of an invalid marriage. It is not a marriage renewal. Such a mentality would invalidate the value of the convalidation. You must understand that in the eyes of God and his Church, this convalidation would be the start of your marriage.

3. Marriage convalidations require preparation just like ordinary marriages. You may be required to take classes (this varies). The two of you will be instructed by the priest and have to fill our prenuptial investigation forms. You will have to apply for a dispensation, either for mixed marriage or disparity of cult (depending upon whether your spouse is baptized or not.) Because Baptists often delay baptism, not all Baptists get baptized. They should, but some never get around to it. If your spouse is baptized, the convalidation will enter you into the sacrament of marriage. If she is not baptized, then you will know a natural bond marriage.

4. You will need paperwork (license, divorce decree, and annulment) from any prior bond. You will need a copy of your civil license. You may need testimonial letters from witnesses about your freedom to marry (this depends on the diocese). You will need a new baptismal certificate for marriage. If your spouse was baptized, we ask that she try to get a certificate from the Protestant church; sometimes they send a letter. If none is available for the non-Catholic, this should be understood before sending in the dispensation. You will also probably be asked to pick readings for the service.

There may be all sorts of wrinkles, but yes, a convalidation is probably still possible, even if the cooperation of the other party is not absolute. I wish you well. God bless!
Piers, on May 8, 2014 at 7:50 pm said:

Father, I am a practicing Catholic and have liked some blues and rock music ever since I was a teenager. (I’m now almost 50). I also play the guitar, sing and compose my own songs. I realize that some rock (and even blues) is inappropriate (If it contains lewd language or thoughts, etc.) but it seems to me that it is not wrong to listen to or play many other songs. Would you agree? I would not like to keep doing it if it was wrong. Thank you for your reply!

FATHER JOE: Much music speaks to the human condition. I have a respectable Jazz collection that has taken me years to assemble. There is nothing wrong with loving and appreciating music, both secular and sacred. My issue is with the verbal vulgarity today and the violence (not comical) that is espoused in modern music. So I guess you could say that I agree with you.
April, on May 8, 2014 at 8:03 am said:

Hello!

I have been looking for an answer to this question for weeks and can’t seem to find one.

I am 19 years old and I got civilly married last year to a wonderful man who is 25.

We wanted to do a church ceremony but the expense is right above $2,000! Not to mention the psychology class I have to attend because I’m not over 21.

As you can tell it is a bit pricy and we can’t afford that due to some factors that require us to save money at the moment (no it’s not a baby.)

Is there any way that we could have our marriage validated through the church without having to have the big ceremony and all that stuff?

FATHER JOE:

Are you both Catholic? I am confused by your comment. Why would the “church ceremony” cost $2,000? Gowns, bridal dresses, tuxedoes, and other trappings are not necessary for a Church wedding or nuptial Mass. My mother wore her prettiest dress and my father put on his one suit. They had their reception in a yard outside the family home. Everyone brought food, or so I am told, (since I was not yet conceived or born). The sacraments are free. Indeed, while the priest can take gift stipends, no one can be charged for the witnessing of vows. It is a sin to commit simony and/or the trafficking in Masses.

What “psychology” class? This too befuddles me. If you are over 18 years of age then you do not need parental consent. There is a six month waiting period, discussions with the priest and Pre-Cana marriage classes. But given that you are talking about a permanent relationship that will utterly change your life, these are small allowances to insure a happy and successful marriage. Did you even talk to a priest or did you just presume upon this?

Church convalidations, because of scandal, should be small. You still need the appropriate preparation; however, all is needed is two witnesses, the priest and yourselves. That is all you needed for the Church initially! You could have done it first, with as few or as many people as you liked.

See the priest, get really married (in the eyes of God and his Church) and forget about a big ceremony. That ship has probably sailed. Fix what is a bad situation and get spiritually right with the Lord. Civil marriage is a contract only; the sacrament of marriage is a holy covenant between yourselves and God. To the extent you love each other, you should love the Lord. Be faithful to each other as Christ was to his Church. Stop “playing” married (that was never a good option) and get really married.

Sorry if I am too blunt, but either you had the wrong understanding about Church marriage (throughout) or someone lied to you.

Peace!
doodlebug19, on May 6, 2014 at 3:37 pm said:

Thank you Father Joe. She has been tested and has allergies to animals. We do not have any pets. I do not take light in what you are saying and I am very grateful for your advice.
I agree that what I think and what we have experienced goes against what I have been taught as a Baptist. I think at this point, I need to get my house in order, and get us back to being close to God. I don’t want a quick fix. I want peace in our home and our lives.
I contacted a local Catholic Priest and he is going to do a blessing on our home. Out of gratitude and respect, I have decided to learn more about what I am asking him to do. I was hoping to invite him to stay for a meal with us and be able to talk with him. Would this be appropriate or acceptable or would I be infringing on his time?
I have started reading my bible again and know that it is my responsibility to get my children back into church. I believe with all my heart that God can protect us from anything seen or unseen. I know in my heart that I need to put this matter in God’s hands.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Again, I am very grateful.
maureen reilly, on May 2, 2014 at 4:57 pm said:

I ATTENDED A FUNERAL FOR A CATHOLIC PRIEST. AT THE END THE PRIEST THAT WERE PRESENT GATHERED AROUND THE CASKET AND CHANTED. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. DO YOU KNOW THE NAME OF THE CHANT THEY WOULD HAVE DONE?

FATHER JOE: Hum, other than the Song of Farewell, there are a number they could have done. Could you mean the Salve Regina? That is sung at many funerals for priests.
Dellenite, on May 2, 2014 at 5:21 am said:

What is the Church’s official stance on the views expressed by the folks at churchmilitant.tv? How do you feel about tribalism triumphalism and dismissing charity as the greatest of virtues. Is charity patient and kind? Does it endure all things? Does it not delight in iniquity i.e. Unfairness? Who then is my neighbor?

FATHER JOE: If I recall correctly, the people at Church Militant Dot Com were instructed not to use the word Catholic in their designation. They complied. I am not sure there is an official policy in their regard. They are an independent operation. It is true that their confrontational tone and attitude toward certain bishops has distanced them from many of the Church’s shepherds. Their style is not mine but I can appreciate their concern about the problems they see in the modern world and within the Church. To take a page from the Pope, I think we need to preach the truth in charity.
Kaye, on April 29, 2014 at 3:45 am said:

Hello there Father! I’d like to know the difference between Brazilian And Roman Catholics. And is a Brazilian Catholic Priest allowed to conduct a Mass the Roman Catholic way and in a Roman Catholic church? Thank you 🙂

FATHER JOE: I really do not know from what context your question arises. There is one Catholic Church of which Brazil is a part. We believe the same faith and practice the same sacraments. While there is an unfortunate syncretism in the devotion of many Brazilian Catholics, and many are lapsed from faith, I am unaware of the divide about which you speak. Do you mean a particular diocese of Brazil? The Personal Apostolic Administration of Saint John Mary Vianney in Campos, Brazil follows the older or extraordinary form of the liturgy. Like the Fraternity of St. Peter, they offer the older form exclusively. However, the faith is the same. Accidentals between rites may vary but the Mass remains the re-presentation of the sacrifice of Calvary.
Danielle D, on April 29, 2014 at 2:45 am said:

I am creating a box of useful documents to give to my future husband on the night of our wedding as an assignment for my morality class and a question and answer portion with a priest is to be included. I would feel very blessed if you could take a few minutes and answer some questions I would like to know about your experience as a priest. If you could answer all these questions even if the answers are brief I would really appreciate it.

1. When did you feel first called by God to the priesthood? And how did you initially respond?

2. While discerning, what did you feel really compelled you to the priesthood rather than being a religious brother or deacon?

3. What was the most exciting or scary part of fully dedicating your life to God through the priesthood?

4. How do you feel you have grown through living out life as a religious priest?

5. Is the priesthood anything like you expected it to be? How is it different?

6. Is it easy for you to pray and be confident in God’s response? What advice would you give to someone who struggles to feel that God is really listening?

7. Do you get time off? Do you ever get to go on vacations?

8. What is your favorite part of being a priest?

9. Do you get lonely? Where do you find the most comforting company?

10. What are some of your goals as a priest? Peace!

FATHER JOE: I would not mind answering questions, but it seems to me that instead of inquiring about my personal life, you should be preoccupied with your own. I would suggest that you engage in more intimate matters with your husband on your wedding night and forget the documents and questionnaire. God bless you both on your life together!
doodlebug19, on April 28, 2014 at 6:44 pm said:

Thank you for your quick reply…

She has seen psychologists, psychiatrists, family therapists and specialists. I thought at first she was having a mental breakdown of some sort. They have all said there is nothing wrong with her, that she is a bright and normal young lady. She is of average intelligence and they do not believe she is acting out. I am not a superstitious person and I am trying very hard to find a viable answer.

I am Baptist and yes I have been baptized and I am a believer. My daughter does not want to go to church, she never really has. She believes in God; but does not want to attend. We do not have a family church. We stopped going a few years ago.

What confuses me is that she kept having these “dreams” and I felt bad there was nothing I could do for her. I had remembered my mother putting crosses on our foreheads and praying over our homes as a child. So that is what I did. I prayed for God to protect us from any and all evil that might try to come our way. I started putting crosses on their foreheads before bed. I went to every door and every window and prayed for God to bless our home and protect it. Ok, I know, this sounds like I am a nut job now; but it made her feel better so I thought I was doing something good.

FATHER JOE: It does not sound crazy at all. Indeed, what you did was very “Catholic.”

A couple of days later, she started vomiting uncontrollably. Felt so hot she wanted ice packs and a fan on her. Her skin was ice cold. It got so bad; I had to take her to the hospital. The doctors thought she was high so they tested her for drugs— nothing. She doesn’t smoke, has tried alcohol in high school and does not do drugs. Her intestines were inflamed and she couldn’t stop vomiting. It took four days on IV’s to get her to stop. The following month the same thing happened. This time it took a week. She says she constantly hurts like her insides are being twisted and pulled. Her heart races uncontrollably when she is at rest. The doctors from two different hospitals can’t figure out what is wrong with her. There is no physical diagnosis they can find. When she stays at a friend’s house, she is fine. The minute she comes home, she starts hurting, feels weak and is irritable.

FATHER JOE: And the doctors ruled out an allergic reaction to something in or around the house?

The scratches were not on her. They were on her little brother. He woke up from a bad dream, went to sleep with her, she was at a sleepover, so he lay in her bed and went back to sleep. He woke up with three scratches across his cheek. I thought he must have somehow scratched himself, but he insisted it happened in his dream. He would not go in her room after that until we moved.

FATHER JOE: Scratches are a weak point in such investigations in that they can be self-imposed, even while sleeping.

Now that you are really confused, we have lived in five different houses since she was two. This occurs at each and every house we go to. I have never seen a “ghost.” I don’t believe in them and all of this perplexes me. I probably never would have even sought you out; but I am exhausted, confused and dumbfounded. I had a friend who said I should have a priest do a “cleansing” on our home. She only knows that my daughter has been sick and undiagnosed. She has no clue about the other…

If this is even real or things like this is possible and not a psychosis, which I am not saying it is or isn’t, would a Catholic Priest do a blessing on our home if we are not Catholic?

FATHER JOE:

As long as people are in godly relationships (single or married, but no cohabitating) and there is authentic faith, people can take advantage of blessings. But in practice, usually only Catholics ask for priests to bless their homes. Most Baptists would not want a priest to render blessings or to offer sacramentals (holy water, crucifix, images of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary). Further, while Catholics might make room in their thinking for ghosts (souls in purgatory), such immediately clashes with Baptist theology (only heaven and hell). It is insufficient that you turn to a priest in time of desperation if you disbelieve and only want a quick fix. A priest can pray over a family and bless their home; however, they are consecrated and protected by their abiding faith. Without supernatural faith, their sins would immediately invite back the very darkness they want extracted. Indeed, without an adequate understanding of blessings, holy water, sacramentals, etc. then a means of holiness can be corrupted into an element of superstition. It is not enough to make crosses everywhere. The cross should consciously invoke Christ and his saving power. You are handicapped in this regard because a priest would also encourage a family such as yours to regularly worship at church and to worthily receive Holy Communion. Since you seem to have certain Catholic proclivities, you may want to explore the Catholic faith and contact a priest. Otherwise, I would suggest you talk with a local minister of your denomination. But I cannot promise you what help he may offer.

If there is truly nothing medically wrong with your daughter, is it possible that something invisible and sinister has attached “itself” to her? Is it possible that scratches signified a dark entity attempting to get access to your son? Yes and yes, but here we are not talking about ghosts but about the oppression of the demonic. Our battle is not only with men but with powers and principalities. Fallen angels, demons or devils also afflict the human race and numb consciences to that which befits human dignity, especially in acts of selfishness, vulgarity and hatred. They particularly delight in assaults upon the sanctity of life.
Bill, on April 28, 2014 at 3:40 pm said:

Hello Father,

I hope you can give me some guidance. My fiancé was married in the Catholic Church over ten years ago. We’re engaged and being married this coming July. Our marriage ceremony will not be in the Church due to her divorce. It is our goal to be married in the Church eventually, but her divorce and lack of an annulment makes it impossible for the time being.

She wants to be married in the Church (as do I), but she absolutely refuses to get an annulment. She looked into the annulment process, and is absolutely terrified of the consequences. Her ex-husband was very abusive. She is afraid of him— very afraid. He has a temper, and the only reason she was with him for ten years was because she was terrified to leave him. She says that he never, ever hit her but was so verbally abusive that she was always afraid that the day would come when he would. Seeing him hit other people was not uncommon. He once got into a physical altercation with another driver in a road rage incident.

The two of them have a daughter. She is six years old. He has partial custody of the child, and sees her every other weekend as well as one night a week. My fiancé still fears him because of his temper. He has always treated their daughter well. My fiancé fears that were she to start the annulment process that it would throw him into a rage. He did not want a divorce in the first place. She finally got the courage to leave him after years of urging from her family. She’s just simply far too frightened of what he might do if the topic of an annulment was even brought up. She thinks that the idea that their marriage ‘wasn’t real’ or ‘didn’t count’ would put him over the edge. She also fears that he might take that anger out on their daughter— not physically or violently. He has never treated his daughter with even a hint of violence. He’s never even given her a spanking for misbehaving. My fiancé is afraid that he would ‘abandon’ her, and stop making time to see her. She thinks this would be devastating to the child, and doesn’t want to take the risk.

There have been rumors that Pope Francis might soon make some sweeping changes to the annulment process. My fiancé wants to take a ‘wait and see’ approach. We want to get married very soon. She is nearing 40 and wants another child before it’s too late, and she does not want to have a child out of wedlock. We decided to marry outside the Church and wait and see what the Pope does, and if these rumors prove to be true. If not, I will gently urge her as time passes to reconsider the annulment.

That’s a lot of background info to get to the main question. My question isn’t about her and me. My question is for our possible future children. Would they be allowed to be baptized in the Catholic Church even if their parents were re-married without an annulment? My fiancé is afraid they would not be. I said that the Church couldn’t possibly hold the sins of the parents against a child that did not commit those sins.

What is the answer? And is there any way that my fiancé could get an annulment without her ex-husband being involved in the process?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

1. Do not believe the rumors. The Pope can urge pastors to show greater compassion but he is not Jesus and cannot change divine positive law. If one is truly married then that bond endures until the death of one of the parties. Divorce is rejected by Christ and his Church (see the Gospel of Matthew).

2. Marriage requires love and many other things besides, like courage. If she is to have a meaningful life with you then the past needs to be faced and resolved head on. Otherwise, you will be living your lives with a dubious marriage and also under the shadow of fear. I can appreciate concern about the child, but you know already there are many hurts from the situation about which she cannot be protected. Bad marriages and broken homes by definition bring pain. The annulment may be the means of beginning a true healing and starting over.

3. I cannot promise you that your fiancé could even get an annulment; however, a long pattern of abuse extending back to the first days of their relationship might certainly be interpreted as grounds. If he fought the divorce then he is not going to be happy about any remarriage, even an attempted one or civil marriage. Given that he is going to be angry anyway, why not try to get the annulment?

4. Marriage between Catholics outside the Church, prior bond or no prior bond, is not recognized by the Church and would not be a sacrament before God. It is a harsh word, but it would be judged at face value as an adulterous relationship. I suspect you know this and thus hope to have the situation resolved. Any legal fiction will not change this moral judgment.

5. I know a local Catholic priest who refuses to baptize children born to couples who are not married in the Church. Over the years I have been criticized when these families have come to me and I gave them the sacrament. Pope Francis seems to be on my side when he called such priests “modern Pharisees.” The Church requires that parents (or a parent) promise to do all they can to teach and raise their children in the faith. I urge couples who are unmarried to seek the regularization of their unions in the Church. Sometimes this is difficult or impossible. These couples should still go to Mass on Sunday. Our discipline is that they refrain from Holy Communion. Even though it reminds them of their own brokenness, they have a responsibility to insure that their children receive catechesis leading to Confesssion, Holy Communion and Confirmation.

6. The annulment process includes interviewing witnesses and talking to the divorced spouse. Sometimes this is not possible because a spouse disappears; but attempts are made. Marriage is a public sacrament and so a secret annulment would be difficult. If an annulment is granted then he would be free to marry again as well, that is unless there is an attached monitum or warning. If a constant pattern of abuse constitutes an element of the grounds, then he might have to be evaluated to insure that he is not still so afflicted (psychologically) that marriage remains impossible. But here I am only guessing. Notations are also sent to the churches where all the Catholic parties were baptized and married.
Ana, on April 28, 2014 at 2:14 pm said:

Dear Father,

I’ve what might be a strange question for you. I read how St. Rose of Lima would rub dirt on her face, or even blister her face (with I think pepper) to not risk tempting people around her with her beauty. But I read how St. Margaret of Cortona, also beautiful, was stopped by her priest from scarring her face with a knife with what seemed to be the same intention. Why was it okay for St. Rose, and not St. Margaret? When is it mortification, and when is it self-harm?

I’d wanted to do this myself for a while now, scarring my face. I’ll admit that I have some unhealthy feelings around it, but I so desperately don’t want to be a distraction or temptation for people, especially the religious/married.

I know you’re not my spiritual director (I don’t really have one anymore), and you’ve only the questions I posted to go by. However, I would like to hear what you’d say.

FATHER JOE:

Forms of mortification and penance can change over time. Further, while saints are holy this does not guarantee that they are always smart or wise about either Church teaching or forms of discipleship. Hopefully, over time, for both individuals and the community, there comes a deepening understanding about the dignity of the human person. Damaging one’s face with pepper and lye or cutting oneself with a knife is seriously wrong— no matter who does such things. St. Rose even pinned a wreath so deeply into her head that she had trouble removing it. Self-mutilation is unethical. Motives might be good, but I believe such actions reflect ignorance of the moral law. Of course, people might also be psychologically sick or suffer from spiritual error. Certain heretical theologies would condemn matter or earthly goods in favor of spiritual ones. However, a hatred of the goods of creation (including human beauty) would constitute a type of blasphemy against God. It would be wrong for us to show disdain to the divine handiwork. It was rumored by Church fathers that the devil refused to worship the incarnate Christ precisely because Satan spurned material creation as repugnant and unworthy of spiritual beings. Hating our humanity plays into the devil’s hands. While women should not tempt men to sin, Catholicism celebrates the masterpiece of the human form and face. (Note by contrast that a hardline Islam forbids images and would seek to disguise the female form from all eyes.)

Please do not harm yourself. It would be a sin to damage your face. Some of us praise God for the beauty with which he surrounds us. Every pretty girl reminds me that ours is the God of order and goodness. A good Christian man can praise God for his handiwork. Similarly, women can thank the Lord that he made strong and handsome men. Of course, there is a visible and invisible beauty— of face, of form and of character.

A similar question is raised about piercings and tattoos. Here the discussion becomes more convoluted. I would suggest that ear rings may arguably be permitted as an enhancement to beauty. However, I have serious reservations about check, tongue, lip and navel piercings. Corrupting or destroying face and form would constitute true mutilation. Similarly, while a military tattoo might be tolerated on the arm of a Marine; I would seriously question the practice of treating the whole body and face as a canvas for the needle. If this were not bad enough, often the images are sacrilegious or vulgar. They are not easily removed!

My door here in Mitchellville, MD, is always open to you.
Alex, on April 28, 2014 at 1:41 am said:

Hi Fr. Joe,

I was watching the canonization mass and was wondering about something. One of the pope’s garments (not sure of the name) had several red triangles arranged in a square, as here:

One of the cardinals was also dressed differently from the others, with this symbol in black and much larger on his white outfit.

Do you know what this is?

Thanks!

FATHER JOE: Peculiar to the Pope and a few (very few) metropolitans this vestment is called a pallium. It signifies the fullness of apostolic authority. Trappists raise sheep from which the wool is woven for the Holy Father’s pallium. Looking at the picture, it is adorned with red stylized crosses.
Miss J, on April 27, 2014 at 4:52 pm said:

Father, if we confess a lie in the confessional, are we then obligated to go and correct the lie publicly? Without going into too much detail, my mother asked me to lie to my father about something and I went along with it. Since then, however, I have realized my error and went to confession. However, my father is still under a false impression. I fear that telling him the truth will cause a bigger rift in my family, and my mother does not want me to say anything. If I say nothing, it is unlikely that the circumstance in question will ever come up again (in other words, I won’t have to repeat the lie).

I truly want to do the right thing and not have sin on my soul, and I also don’t want to hurt my family. What am I obligated to do?

FATHER JOE: You should have spoken to your confessor about this. Lying is wrong but this does nor mean that people are absolutely entitled to the truth, especially when it is destructive to the family. Not knowing what it is about, there is not much more I can say. I would recommend that you avoid repeating a falsehood, especially one you brought to the sacrament. If asked, you do not have to answer. I would also urge you not to get messed up with the personal issues between your parents. They should talk to each other, not manipulate you or squeeze information out that would have you side with one over the other.
Char, on April 27, 2014 at 2:10 am said:

I would like some guidance. We are not Catholic; but don’t know where else to turn. My daughter has had nightmares since she was little. She used to talk to “her friend” in one specific corner in our house. I thought it was imagination but she’s about to be 20. She wakes up screaming because she thinks there are people in her room. I’ve taken her to numerous doctors. She’s not mentally ill. Now she’s sick and the doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong. She thinks there is something bad that follows her. I know it sounds crazy. I don’t believe in ghosts. I just can’t explain it all— scratches, dreams, none of it. Is there such a thing as what she describes?

FATHER JOE:

There are so many variables that I hardly know where to begin. What kind of doctors has she seen? Were they unanimous that there was no psychosis? Does she take any medication which might make her hear voices and/or see things? I would exhaust exploring the scientific or medical route before focusing on a strictly spiritual cause for her maladies.

If you should subsequently explore the spiritual, I would urge caution against the quacks and occultists. Many children have imaginary friends but they usually grow out of it. You are not Catholic, but does your family belong to any religion or denomination. Are you baptized believers? Have you a minister and have you spoken with him? I can only speak to you from the perspective of a Catholic priest. Knowing very little about your daughter’s situation, there is next to nothing I can say about her specific case. I can, however, speak in generalities.

Is it remotely possible that her “imaginary” friend is not all that imaginary? Yes, but modern investigators are quick to suggest ghosts while entities (particularly if negative) may be demonic.

Do such entities sometimes restrict themselves to a certain room or corner of the house? Yes, this is also often the case, particularly if something tragic or sinful happened there. Catholics routinely have a priest bless their homes. Rooms or troubled spaces can be specially attended by prayer, holy water and the placement of religious articles like depictions of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. But such should signify the faith of the occupants. Sacramentals should not be employed as superstitious talismans.

Waking up screaming might be interpreted as a symptom of demonic oppression or spiritual attack. Dreams would reinforce such an interpretation. However, there is also a medical issue where people awaken, often unable to move and they strongly “imagine” a presence in the room that is not there.

Scratches can also have mental/physical causes. You do not explain much about scratches— are they random or words? One can have a physical cause, the other would imply intelligent manipulation.

God bless!