Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

ellen cioch, on March 29, 2014 at 10:06 pm said:

Hi Father, can you please tell me why the Pope goes to confession? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: The popes have confessors and go to confession for the same reason we do: we are all sinners who need the mercy and grace of God.
Janet, on March 27, 2014 at 1:13 am said:

Hi Father,

I hope you can help me. I have a question about a book that I am writing. It is about a Benedictine Sister who aids victims of the plague in France around 1610, only to catch the disease and die, herself. Another victim that she saved, survived, awakening in time to hear the priest praying over her after she had passed. I wanted to write a line of the prayer that he hears and then he waits until he is finished, so it is not the last line of prayer. I used:

‘…Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat ei. Quae in te. Amen….’

Which is probably the last line of prayer (I think). I guess I can use it, but I am trying to make this as accurate as possible.

Any advice?

FATHER JOE:

“REQUIEM aeternam dona ei, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat ei. Requiescat in pace. Amen.”
Piers, on March 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm said:

Thank you for your answer and help, Father.

I believe mortal sin requires grave matter, full consent and knowledge. We are about 50, and my wife is afraid for her health (she has high blood pressure) and also of her ability to look after another child if she should become pregnant, which is possible though pretty unlikely. She is thus under pressure, and has for a long time lived in fear of getting pregnant. I believe I should not blame her for not wanting proper intercourse until she has had her menopause, and do not think her sin can be that great, given these pressures and mitigating circumstances. I shall take your advice and accept that cross.

Piers

FATHER JOE: Yes, you are quite right, the actual commission or full culpability for such a sin requires sufficient free consent and awareness of the gravity. Taken alone the matter is grave, as I said. There may be other options. If pursued faithfully, natural family planning is very successful in spacing births. Such would further remit anxiety over a pregnancy this late in life. You might want to talk to your local priest. He might be able to give you guidance about this. Sometimes it is also prudent to find a Catholic doctor who appreciates Catholic teaching. They can be quite helpful. Priests might know something about the soul, but doctors and medical ethicists are often better about appreciating the dynamics of the body. Whatever you do, I hope you both grow in the Lord’s grace. I will be praying for you.
Horonjolo, on March 24, 2014 at 4:38 am said:

If someone were to pass away before they received the sacraments or if they just never got them would They be condemned?

FATHER JOE: God saves whom he wills. We know that the sacraments make possible saving grace. When properly disposed, we have confidence that they do what they are directed to do: healing and forgiveness. Outside of the sacraments, we have no such safeguard. Nevertheless, God is good and loving. He knows our hearts. All we can do is commend our dead into his loving embrace.
Maria, on March 22, 2014 at 8:20 pm said:

Hello Father, A dear friend of mine has a daughter who wants to marry a non-Catholic Christian in her fiancee’s church. My friend is saddened by this but is not sure what to do. A relative of mine married many years ago in a situation such as this and had a priest present at the ceremony to be a witness to the wedding for the Catholic Church, or something like that. This relative does not recall what he did for this to happen so I have been looking on the Internet to find some information, but what I have found is not very clear. What would my friend or her daughter need to do in order to have a priest present at the wedding to make it valid in the Catholic Church? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: The couple has to see a Catholic priest and take the same marriage preparation as any other couple. If they want to marry in the non-Catholic’s church then they will have to request a dispensation from canonical form. The Catholic will also have to promise to do all in his or her power to raise the children as Catholics.
Piers, on March 22, 2014 at 6:34 pm said:

Do you mean it could be legitimate for me to have normal intercourse with her, despite the risk of an IUD induced abortion? Piers

FATHER JOE: No, that is not what I said. The marital act must always be that type of act through which human life is generated. This is the case even for infertile or sterile couples. That is why condomistic intercourse, even among senior citizens, is regarded as intrinsically immoral. (Some places encourage condoms because of the danger of virus transmission.) Similarly, intercourse with an abortifacient IUD, no matter if the woman is fertile or not, would be morally wrong. This is a matter of mortal sin. If your wife refuses to have regular intimate relations with you then she fails in her marital duties as your spouse. This is also sinful. If she is any kind of Catholic then she should be aware of that. If she still refuses then you must accept the cross that you cannot have any sexual relations with her.
Piers, on March 22, 2014 at 5:00 pm said:

Dear Father,

I am a practising catholic but my wife is less so. My wife is afraid of becoming pregnant again (We are in our early 50s and have 2 children) and has insisted on using an IUD. I know this can cause abortions, and so for several months I have not wanted to have intercourse with her for this reason. This is frustrating for both of us. Is it permissible to engage in mutual masturbation as a result, until she has her menopause?

Thank you so much for your answer.

FATHER JOE: The IUD is forbidden as an abortifacient. No, masturbation cannot be pursued as a substitute to the marital act. It is still regarded as immoral. The possibility of conception at her age is a remote possibility.
Jason, on March 21, 2014 at 6:54 pm said:

Hello Father,

I am ready to make my first confession, but have a question and need some advice before I go.
I’m in my 30s and have a lot to confess, so should I meet with a Priest one on one where I can have more time, or do you think it would be ok going into the “booth” that’s only open for an hour. I like the anonymity of the booth, but do not want to be disrespectful to my fellow parishioners. Or should I just get the major sins I’ve committed off my chest and not bring a laundry list with me of everything I’ve done.

Thanks.

FATHER JOE: If there are lines of penitents at your church, you may want to make an appointment for the sacrament. Otherwise, I would say just get in the back of the line and wait your turn. Concentrate on the serious sins that need forgiveness.
Jonah, on March 21, 2014 at 3:56 pm said:

I have a question, I haven’t been baptised but I would like to be, and recieve the other sacraments, as a teenager what would the process be? And is all lost for me without the sacraments?

FATHER JOE: If you believe than you should seek instruction and the sacraments. Contact your local priest.
Mina, on March 20, 2014 at 11:09 pm said:

Thankyou father
Mina, on March 20, 2014 at 1:06 pm said:

Father what I meant is does it day anywhere in the bible we should pray or ask st Mary and Saint to pray for us ?

Also does it day anywhere in the bible
that Saint Arnt dead and they can hear us ?

And why didn’t Jesus called at Mary mother in the bible ? He called her woman ?

FATHER JOE: I have already answered the “mother” question. We should not think that the Bible must record every personal communication rendered by Christ. It emphasizes his public proclamations. Only a false fundamentalist literalism would insist upon anything else. We know that Jesus is a divine person, but he never comes right out and says that he is God either. Indeed, he prefers the messianic title, “Son of Man” over that of “Son of God.” Others proclaim him as such, and it is the truth, but how often does he explicitly call himself divine? We see instances of saintly intercession, but people could hardly call upon Mary and the other Christian saints given that they were still alive and the work of salvation had yet to be accomplished in the Gospels. As for the dead being alive, is that not the whole point of the resurrection, forgiveness and eternal life? Sure it is. The other day we had the Transfiguration episode read at Mass. Moses and Elijah appeared alongside Christ. While they resided in the limbo of the fathers awaiting the redemptive work of Christ, they were dead and yet very much alive. Do you think it was an illusion or that Jesus was standing beside manikins? See Mark 12:27 and Luke 20:38.
Mrs. F, on March 20, 2014 at 10:36 am said:

Thank you, Father!
Stephen, on March 20, 2014 at 12:48 am said:

Father, my wife and I were raised Catholic, but fell away from the Church in our college years. We married civilly in a ceremony witnessed by friends and family. Now, many years later, after the children are grown, I feel drawn back to Church. I cannot receive sacraments as we are not sacramentally married. My wife is not interested in convalidation. Do I have any options to be able to go to confession or communion? I feel lost and can see no way out of this self-created problem. Before we married, family had suggested we “go through the motions,” and marry in the Church. We felt that was dishonest and insulting to the faithful and God, as we would just be “using” the Church to keep relatives happy. I now wish we had remained faithful and been married by a priest, but not if I had to lie about my true intentions at the time. Is there any hope? Thank You, and God Bless.

FATHER JOE:

Given that your partner shared your sense of integrity before, why would she not want to respect where you are today and go through with the convalidation (repeating the vows before a priest and two witnesses)? There is no demand that she has to return to the full practice of the faith with you. Let her know that this is really important to you. It will require meeting with a priest to gather documents and for preparation. This is the easiest way to go.

If she is absolutely adamant then you would have to explore the harder route: a radical sanation. A radical sanation is a decree issued by the local bishop stipulating acceptance of the original consent of the marriage as valid. Recourse is made to this when one party refuses to engage in a new ceremony. See your priest.
Mrs.F, on March 19, 2014 at 3:04 pm said:

Hello, Father. Last year, I made a bad confession–I am so ashamed and sorry. I was asked a question I did not expect, and felt suddenly very flustered. I lied. I had never ever lied in the confessional before and am frankly quite surprised and angry at myself. I am very, very sorry and intend to confess my bad confession.

My question to you is, do I need to “re-confess” all of my other sins of this past year? I have been to confession maybe about 5 or 6 times after that, all the while with the weight of that bad confession on my soul. I realize that this was probably an abuse of the sacrament, and intend to apologize to God for that in the confessional, but should I try to itemize every other sin? I don’t meant to turn the Sacrament into a business transaction, but I want very badly to be reconciled with God and to “get it right.”

FATHER JOE: You are only obliged to confess mortal sins but, of course, we should not lie to the priest. Just go to confession and tell the priest that you were floored but an unexpected question and was not forthcoming with the truth. Tell what ever sins that are serious but do not worry too much about those that are legitimately forgotten. As time passes, it gets harder to remember all of what we did. Be honest and contrite. Do your penance and move on. Peace!
Jonah, on March 19, 2014 at 1:41 am said:

I am afraid of losing my family in death as in different judgements for us each and i’m uneasy and very worried, what should I do?

FATHER: All you can do is continue to live and witness the faith. We hope and pray for the salvation of others all the while trusting in God’s providence. Worry will not save anyone.
lorenz milkor, on March 17, 2014 at 6:37 pm said:

Dear Father : I know the position of the Church in reference to masons. I have a friend who is a mason and although I told him I would never join a lodge because I don’t honestly need to belong to others except my Church and God, I wander if it is ok to do business with a mason in general. I would appreciate a frank honest answer…

FATHER JOE: While Catholics are forbidden to join the Free Masons, it must be admitted that in many countries like the U.S., there is little sign of the tension we see in parts of Europe. They do much for the civic good and charity. They may be your friends and co-workers. We need not ostracize them from our lives.
Troubled, on March 17, 2014 at 1:55 pm said:

Hi Father, I was hoping you could help me with a situation that has been weighing heavily on me.

I went to confession a few days ago and made a good confession of my recent sins. The priest was not the one I usually go to and was quite stern with me (I say this not to judge him, just so you understand the situation) and I had gotten flustered. At the end, I needed to confess a sin that I had previously forgotten to confess at an earlier time. I was planning to say “on one occasion I overindulged in food and alcohol, to the point of becoming drunk” but, because I was embarrassed, couldn’t bring myself to say the part about becoming drunk and left off at “overindulged in food and alcohol.” I know I shouldn’t let embarrassment/pride stop me from making a full confession, and as soon as I said it (and the priest began to say the prayer of absolution), I immediately began to think I should just come out and say it, but I was too embarrassed then to interrupt the priest. Since then I have been agonizing over whether this invalidated my confession. Does this count as withholding a sin in the confessional?

FATHER JOE: Priests are sometimes pressed for time, particularly during Lent. It is for that reason that consciences should be examined prior to going to Confession. I don’t know what else you confessed, and in this forum I do not want to know; however, there was no malicious intent or overriding intention to deceive. The sin was previously forgiven even though you had forgotten to confess it. I suspect the Confession was okay, however, you might reference it the next time you go.
D.A.Buxeda, on March 17, 2014 at 3:19 am said:

Father Joe:
A friend of mine told me about this website and I decided to visit.
I have many atheist friends, especially at my school. Occasionally I debate them about God, but they are awesome debaters and my faith is slowly being battered and beaten. I don’t know why, but I’m entering a phase of my life in which I’m doubting too much and I need help. I believe in God, and follow him and pray to him, but I need “faith food”, evidence, etc. I don’t know why, but I’m entering this period of doubt. I feel like I’m the worst person ever for doubting Him. I need help and require lots of it, please, and thank you.

FATHER JOE: You need to share your faith with believers. Those with doubts or with few answers should never try to debate those from other faiths or with no faith at all. I would recommend, study and prayer. Do not allow those who are hostile to religious belief to control or to set the parameters of the discussion. Atheism is becoming increasing apologetic and adopting almost a missionary posture. Like the fundamentalist Christians, they have blind spots. But you are evidently not ready to deal with them. Of course, they may seek you out. I would suggest that you practice your faith but try earnestly not to get into a fight with them. If you are doubting your faith, then you cannot win.
Mina, on March 17, 2014 at 12:15 am said:

Preist why do we pray for saints if they dead? And why doesn’t jueses call st Mary mother in bible ? He class her woman ?

FATHER JOE:

I am not entirely sure what you are asking. But I will try to decipher your meaning.

(1) We do not pray “for” the saints of heaven but “to” them as intercessors and members of the family of God.

(2) We do pray for the poor souls in Purgatory who endure purification prior to their translation into heaven.

(3) The Bible narrates that the Virgin Mary is the Mother of Christ. The Bible is God’s Word. The Word becomes flesh. Thus Jesus the Word testifies to Mary as his Mother. At Cana and at the Cross he calls her “Woman.” Christ is the New Adam and Mary is the Woman or New Eve… the Mother of the Redeemer becomes the Mother of All the Redeemed.
lori, on March 16, 2014 at 4:13 am said:

I bought a scapular of the Passion, the first day I wore it it broke, whst does this mean?

FATHER: It either means that it was cheaply made or you were too rough with it. That is all it means. Don’t make more of it than there is. Beware of superstition. Were you enrolled into the confraternity by a priest?
Melissa, on March 12, 2014 at 2:16 pm said:

Dear Father Joseph

RSV The Holy Bible (Catholic Edition) Luke 7:28 “I tell you, among those born of women none is greater than John; yet he who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he.”

Please explain the meaning of “least” in the kingdom of God is greater than John the Baptist.

Thank you, Father.

Melissa

FATHER JOE:

Our Lord is emphasizing that John is the greatest of the prophets. We might even say that it places him in line with all the prophets of the Old Testament. He will be the last. John will be counted among the righteous dead who will await Christ’s descent into the limbo of the fathers. But the least of the kingdom of God refers to those who will come after him. They will have the full possession of the truth. They will know not a baptism for repentance but one of regeneration and freedom from Original Sin.

The mention of “born of woman” (meaning in the normal course) does not refer to Jesus and Mary in that they represent singular interventions: Christ is conceived of the Holy Spirit and Mary is preserved from sin. It also connects up with John’s reference to decreasing so that Jesus might increase. The greatest in the kingdom are the ones who most submit to divine providence and make themselves the servants of all. We have all been commissioned as prophets!
roy hobble, on March 7, 2014 at 4:16 am said:

Father Joe, How do we square Mathew 16/17
( 17 And Jesus answered him, Blessed art thou, Simon son of Jona; it is not flesh and blood, it is my Father in heaven that has revealed this to thee.) with the notion of universal revelation versus private revelation? Jesus speaks about the fact that he is the Christ. our believing this would seem to be both private and universal, with respect to revelation.

FATHER JOE: Public revelation was given to the apostles and Peter was the chief apostle. Public revelation ends with the death of John, the last apostle. Messages to seers and various apparitions are private revelation. The former is binding and the latter is not mandated.
Jenna, on March 6, 2014 at 5:57 pm said:

Father, is it a sin to not vote? I did not vote in the recent primaries, largely because I am moving in a few months and did not feel particularly invested in any candidate (and also because I had a very narrow window after work in which to get to the polls). It was only later that I realized that this may be sinful, especially given that the CCC states:

2240 Submission to authority and co-responsibility for the common good make it morally obligatory to pay taxes, to exercise the right to vote, and to defend one’s country.

If that means failing to vote is sinful, is it mortally sinful? Is not voting considered grave matter?

FATHER JOE: It means we should use our own discretion and seek to promote the public good. We are not always required to vote or cave in to political pressure from the national parties.
sstashak, on March 5, 2014 at 4:32 am said:

Hello Father,

Please do not read too far into my question-I wont bore you with the “why”. Simply, in your professional experience, if a priest falls in love with a parishioner (the latter having no idea) what would the vicar or his spiritual director likely tell him. This parishioner does not even talk to the priest knowing that there is a physical attraction on his part and tries to do the noble thing and not encourage such feelings (again, only knowing he finds her attractive not that he is in love with her).

God bless you abundantly.

FATHER JOE: (1) If the parishioner does not know, how might a pastor (over a parochial vicar) or a bishop (over his priest) know? It is my presumption that the priest speaks about it. It is likely that the priest will be transferred. (2) A spiritual director/confessor is limited in his overt response by the seal of confession. He would tell the priest to pray, focus upon his celibate love of God, give himself more fully to the service of the parish, and to avoid regular interaction with the love-interest. (3) How might a woman know that a priest is physically attracted to her? Might this only be her own romantic fascination? Is she attracted to him? In any case, if such is the case, she should avoid any singular contact with the priest. Flirtation with a priest would be sinful matter.
caitlynnegrace, on March 4, 2014 at 11:12 am said:

Mary in a bind,
Are you really sure you want to commit to a man for whom the Church and her teachings are not important – as they are to you? Who does not understand marriage is more than having a big bash? Yes, you’ve made some mistakes, but so have I, others too…But your wanting to set things right after so many wrongs – that is very strong and very humble and courageous. Do you not want a man who shares those values?
I admit that I do not know the whole story here. I guess I’m trying to tell you to get him some help. Try and get him to a priest who can get him to think a little more deeply about life beyond merriment. Get him the help he needs before you commit more deeply to him – or I fear it might be your old life, the same missteps happening all over again.