Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Grace, on November 28, 2013 at 1:32 am said:

Dear Mary,
I am so very sorry that this is going the way it is. It is so hard these days to find people deeply comitted to marriage, deeply respectful of the vows made before God, but there you are fighting so hard to save it.
I will pray for you, Mary. I will soon begin an Advent Rosary. I did it a few years back. Amidst all the celebrations around me, I felt a prompt to ‘step away from the celebratory spirit of the season’ and to start a Broken Hearts rosary. I was undergoing depression at that time and my own life was not going too well but somehow, it made sense to ‘not waste the pain’. I started by praying for a friend and broken hearts in my family, but almost immediately, over a period of 3 days, 3 troubled marriages were brought to my knowledge. So, all went on my Rosary list.
You’re not alone, Mary. I am sure there are many, here and in heaven, who are with you in prayer every step of the way. Hold on to this, Mary.
Father Joe, on November 27, 2013 at 11:32 pm said:

Dear Mary, it does not sound like your husband is a good Catholic because the faith immediately invalidates his claims about God’s will. God demands fidelity in marriage. Saying that separation and divorce would release you for another relationship fails on the grounds that adultery is sin. I can say with the assurance of a Catholic priest that it is NOT God that is speaking with him. Whether it is mental delusion or spiritual deception, I cannot say, but it is one or the other. He has wounded you by his self-preoccupied attitude. If he leaves you then he commits serious sin. If all is as you say then you will be the innocent party in this. He will still be morally obliged to insure your material care and cannot dismiss shared financial obligations. A man who deliberately abandons his wife is NOT a good man. He will have to live with himself and with the chosen road to self-destruction. He is very much in the wrong. Broken marriages is the devil’s work, not God’s. His happiness as a married man is in you and in no one else. The choice was made. Running away from the choice is cowardice and betrayal.
Mary, on November 27, 2013 at 3:45 am said:

Dear Father Joe,

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for caring about me and my husband.

To answer your questions: Yes we are Catholic. No he doesn’t have a history of mental illness of any kind and he has never exhibited any behaviors that would suggest that he does, outside of few minor bouts of depression he experienced following my diagnosis with a chronic illness three years ago when I was severely depressed about losing my health.

I don’t know what else I can do to try and keep him from leaving. I think I am finally going to take a step back and quit trying because that is the only thing left to do. The more I try to help him see what I believe to be the right thing, the more I push him away from me. The more I try to be the woman of his dreams, the less he seems to want to be with me.

I showed him your comments and he didn’t waver.

We had a long talk tonight and he gave me a laundry list of reasons why he doesn’t want to be with me, all of which I was able to reason away, except for his instinct is that we are not supposed to be together and that God has shown him that we are not supposed to be together.

He was not willing to share with me how God has shown him this though because he says there are somethings that should be kept private and only his. He explained that he doesn’t want to be obligated and his mind, heart and body have moved on. His body wants something different.

He thinks that 6 months from now I could potentially be very happy in another relationship. I told him that I think that any relationship either one of us might have in the future would always be tainted because of the promises that we made to each other before God, our family and our friends.

During our discussion I did ask him if he had to pick one person whom he loved more than anyone else in the world, he said he would choose his mother, because she loves him the most. ??? I told him there is no way that she could love him more than me and that her love should be different than mine. Hers is inherent and biased, while mine is chosen because of who he is. He has been spending more and more time over there and the two of them go on “dates” together. I asked him the other night if he believes that his mother shares things with him and seeks advice from him more than she does HER husband and he said he thought so because his dad is weird. I asked him this based on observations that I have made over the years. He also said that he doesn’t need me and he doesn’t need to be in a relationship.

I looked up these behaviors and have found information on Surrogate Spouse Syndrome sometimes referred to as Emotional Incest. I would really cherish hearing what your thoughts are on this.

You asked, “Are you sure there isn’t someone else?”, well I think it might be his mother.

God bless you, Father Joe.

Dear Grace,

Thank you for sharing your wisdom as well. I could sincerely hear your concern in your words and I think that you are right that this is starting to consume me and I am definitely feeling lost.
Grace, on November 26, 2013 at 1:15 am said:

Dear Fr,
“Cross the Jordan and you will find rest” – how does this apply to us today, Fr? Is it about death and the resurrection, the afterlife? Thank you, Fr.

FATHER JOE: I suppose you could make it mean such, but it really applies to the promised land of God’s first chosen people.
Grace, on November 26, 2013 at 1:09 am said:

Dear Fr,
About Mary and the husband who wants to leave her…..I am so sorry if I came across as if divorce was the way. I also apologise to her if I equated my trials with hers.
I guess I was just afraid this whole thing would consume her to the point she might find it hard to hear God, that His voice gets drowned out amidst all the others and because of that, she might lean too much on herself.
But that was my problem, and not necessarily hers
And Fr, I can hear you say, But her journey is not yours.
I am sorry, Fr.

FATHER JOE: You want to show caring and empathy. There is nothing wrong about that.
Ana, on November 25, 2013 at 3:33 pm said:

Thank you, Father. It’s nice to make better use of the holy water I have in my room. I also now keep an image of Mary on my nightstand so she’s the last thing I see before I go to sleep. That thing hasn’t come back (yet), and I feel a little safer from temptation.

I have another, unrelated question now (apologies if I’d already asked something like this). I really want to move out, but my family is (strangely, as I seem to be the source of much trouble for them) very against it. In the most recent argument when I failed to hug my mom on command, the subject came up again; my sister threw the fourth commandment at me, and my dad said things like “don’t you love me, love us?” “You don’t want to divorce your family, do you?” Makes me feel really rotten inside, dirty too. I really don’t like the idea of being unfaithful or a bad daughter, but I’m 25 now, and just about everyday I’m home, I want to have a spontaneous heart-attack and die. Am I really in the right for wanting to leave? God wants us to care for our families, doesn’t He? Why else hasn’t an opportunity to leave opened up yet?

FATHER JOE: There is nothing wrong with being with your parents, but it might be more right for you to start building a life for yourself. People move out for all sorts of reasons. Often it is because of education or employment. Obviously, if you get married, then you want a place of your own. This is natural. The expense issue is real and pressing. So is the matter of relationships. Maybe you need to be more aggressive? God bless!
Grace, on November 25, 2013 at 2:42 pm said:

Dear Fr,
Can you kindly explain the Catholic interpretation of, “Cross the Jordan and you will find rest”? I’ve read a couple of Protestant writings that suggest that it means the final hurdle before reaching the Promised Land. Is this our interpretation too? Thanks much, Fr dear.

FATHER JOE: Look at the context. The chosen people take possession of the land that God has given them. Their wandering is over. They can take their rest:

“There, too, in the presence of the LORD, your God, you and your families shall eat and rejoice in all your undertakings, in which the LORD, your God, has blessed you. You shall not do as we are doing here today, everyone doing what is right in their own sight, since you have not yet reached your resting place, the heritage which the LORD, your God, is giving you. But after you have crossed the Jordan and dwell in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you as a heritage, when he has given you rest from all your enemies round about and you live there in security, then to the place which the LORD, your God, chooses as the dwelling place for his name you shall bring all that I command you: your burnt offerings and sacrifices, your tithes and personal contributions, and every special offering you have vowed to the LORD. You shall rejoice in the presence of the LORD, your God, with your sons and daughters, your male and female slaves, as well as with the Levite within your gates, who has no hereditary portion with you. Be careful not to sacrifice your burnt offerings in any place you like, but offer them in the place which the LORD chooses in one of your tribal territories; there you shall do what I command you” (Deuteronomy 12:7-14).
Grace, on November 25, 2013 at 7:54 am said:

Mary, I could be wrong but…I think he never really loved you. And he never will, dear.

FATHER JOE: We really cannot know that for sure.

If he stays and does nothing for the marriage, your years will be spent being a doormat, bending over backwards for him just to make sure he stays. You will slowly lose your identity and your sense of self because you’re always thinking about him, what he wants, what he would like of you. His voice will be the only voice you will soon hear. He will live in your head and wherever you go, whoever you’re with….he’ll be in your head. Even the gentlest rebuffs from him will send you into a tailspin because you’re trying so hard for him to save your marriage.

FATHER JOE: She should be devoted to him. The question is does he show her the same deference. Marriage is a permanent commitment.

Do as Fr Joe has advised. Maybe you’ve tried enough…now you need to gently place your marriage and hopes in God’s hands, step back and let God take over.

It will be a journey, one that might take you places you never thought of or wished to go. But at least, you’ll know that your life is in the Safest Hands.

And one day, like me, you will know why it had to be this way.

FATHER JOE: But her journey is not yours. We do not know really what is in her husband’s heart and mind. Maybe he is temporarily confused? Talk with him and seek counseling. Do all you can to save the marriage.
Mary, on November 24, 2013 at 1:27 am said:

I need spiritual advice on how to save my marriage. I believe with every fiber of my being that God wants my husband and I to stay together, however my husband believes the opposite. He thinks that he needs to see what else is out there for him because he was never in a relationship before we met.

FATHER JOE: I have close friends who are now an elderly couple but they have old pictures showing them holding hands and walking together when they were three years of age. They have loved each other, almost from the cradle. They are among the happiest people I know. They are content. The real issue with your husband is not that he is restless or curious about what he has missed. No, the genuine problem is how he feels about you and your relationship. How long have you been together? How old are you both? If he loved you the way he should, and as he promised, there would not even be a question of walking away.

I have tried using the bible to convince him, but that isn’t working despite his faithfulness.

FATHER JOE: Someone is lying to someone. If he walks away from you, then his “faithfulness” is a sham. Jesus forbids divorce. Your husband made a promise to God. If he is a godly man, remind him of these truths. No priest or minister of God would take his side. Walking away from a wife that loves him is disobedience to the Lord.

I have tried being more loving, more giving, more patient, more understanding, more open with my feelings, more appreciative of who he is, more “you name it”, and nothing is working. His mother has even encouraged him to pursue all of his options although he says that this does not have any bearing on his decisions.

FATHER JOE: His mother should stay out of it. It is not her business. It is between the two of you— period. If you are married then his only option is to be faithful and loving. Anything else is a false choice, the devil’s work.

He also says that his instinct tells him that we shouldn’t be together.

FATHER JOE: His instinct is linked to concupiscence or human weakness. He may also be mentally deranged. If not, then we may very well have a demonic influence. The devil is all about restlessness and betrayal. Walking away from you breaks the covenant that the two of you made with each other and God. You are married. That means you are meant to be together. That is God’s will. The Lord wants you to keep your promises. Your husband’s self-deception becomes blasphemous when he ascribes his own rebellion to God’s influence.

I am really confused because in the same conversation he says that he enjoys spending time with me, he enjoys being physically intimate with me, he wants to build me up and strengthen me, and that he deeply cares about me and loves me, but he is not in-love with me and that he would rather take his chances by losing me.

FATHER JOE: Walking away from a loving wife is evil of the highest magnitude. It is the stuff that merits hellfire. He is playing with your emotions. If it is as you say, it is some of the most outlandish and wicked rhetoric I have ever heard. He is literally saying that he needs to leave you because you love him. That is absolute nonsense! Has your husband any history of psychological delusion or psychoses?

Tonight he said that he feels very firm in his beliefs that we shouldn’t be together until we discuss it and then I influence him that he should try and that upsets him.

FATHER JOE: Talk to your priest or minister. Try to make him go. Are you sure there is no one else? It all sounds very suspicious to me. Once married, it is too late to reconsider whether or not you should be together. Do you have children? If he leaves you make sure that the courts know that it is spousal abandonment. The sin is his and he will have to pay for his crime against you.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Do I keep trying? If I should keep trying, what can I do differently? Should I let him go? If so, how do I do that when I feel so strongly that he needs me as much as I need him? How do I open his heart up to me?

FATHER JOE: You ask good questions but not knowing him, there is really little I can say that will be helpful. Some component is missing here. Definitely you should continue to fight for your marriage; but I wonder what type of rogue he might be? It seems you are trying to fix something that he has broken and does not want to fix. Are you Catholics? I will keep you in prayer. I will ask God to send an angel to hit your husband in the head with a stick. It sounds like he needs some sense knocked into him.
Lisa Michelle, on November 21, 2013 at 4:53 pm said:

My father is an alcoholic who abuses my mother verbally and emotionally and even physically (when he is drunk). He refuses to seek counseling or speak to a member of clergy (he is a non-practicing Protestant). He also refuses marriage counseling. Recently, my mother discovered that he has had a five-year affair with a married woman and she suspects other affairs. They have been married for nearly 40 years. In their last blow-up, my father pulled a loaded gun on my mother and I fear for her life. I don’t want to get into too many details in this short space, but suffice it to say that my mother has never called the police on my father. She has, however, filed for divorce – which my siblings and I support her in.

I know that the Church does not recognize civil divorce, but is it wrong to support my mother’s divorce in this instance? She says that she will never remarry nor does she wish to ever remarry. She is a very devout Christian and currently going through RCIA. By the way, I am Catholic too.

FATHER JOE: If the man is as abusive and dangerous as you say, she really had no other recourse. She has separated to preserve her life and sanity. The sin in such a situation belongs to her husband. Support your mother in any way you can. I do not know her name, but will remember her in prayer this evening. If there is any more trouble or threats, do not hesitate to call the police.
Ana, on November 20, 2013 at 3:37 pm said:

Father,

I have flashbacks of what I shared about my past in one of your articles here; sometimes literally feeling like it’s happening again. What I want to ask about would be different; there’d be hateful words in the dark, cold presence(s) around my bed, and what feels like what I can describe as invisible hands feeling me up, trying (and sometimes succeeding) to tempt me into self-abusing. Also unlike the flashbacks, I would be very aware and in the present while this is happening.

This happened from high-school to about 2 years ago when a priest came and blessed everything in the house, including my bed. I thought they were gone for good, but last night, it happened again. It stopped what it was doing when I told it to go away in the name of God. I have considered if this was in fact just something psychological (I’ve nightmares of people but also monstrous things trying to rape me, and my uncle hurt me at night, so that’d make sense if it was), but they would likewise go away in the past when I’d have the courage to pray, sing hymns, or just stay away from a bed all night. A couple times, my guardian angel would put himself between me and them. However, this last one still did this even though I’ve had the crucifix around my neck blessed, and there’re holy images, blessed objects, and holy water in the room.

I don’t really know what to make of this. Is it an incubus, were those things incubi in the past? Those attack impure people like me who struggle with self-abuse, don’t they? I almost immediately following go to Confession over it, but it has been getting worse as I process the past abuse. Please help me. It said it’s hiding in my shadow.

-Ana

FATHER JOE:

The temptations we face can result from a number of things, particularly elements from our past history, natural inclinations, personal frustrations, etc. Is there a demonic oppression in your life? I cannot say for sure, but acts of abuse can open cracks where such might seek to enter lives. You are right to turn to prayer. Give the devil no quarter. He likes to hide. He is inherently a coward. Sensing a presence might be God’s gift to you. Too many people become comfortable with sin and temptation. While it might be frightening, it is better to be alert to something wrong and to respond accordingly. Your faith is something that the devil hates but he might also view it as a challenge. The closer one is with the Lord, the worse the fall if he or she should stumble. Keep sacramentals in your home and say your regular daily prayers. Trust the Lord. The use of holy water before night prayers as part of the signing of the Cross and the invocation of the Trinity is worthwhile. It brings to mind our baptism, the price Jesus paid to forgive us and to grant us life and the central mystery of faith (God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit). Holy water when used prayerfully invokes God’s power that exorcises evil. Do not be afraid. Laugh at the devil. He is pathetic. If you should stumble, offer an act of contrition. Make use of the sacraments and know that you are never alone. God and his holy angels are with you.
Joseph, on November 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm said:

Thank you for your time and your response…how does one maintain faith and hope? Align my pain and suffering with Christ’s pain and suffering on the cross? Thank God for this trial and tribulation? Continue as best I can by attending the Holy Sacrements such as Mass, Confession and Holy Communion, pray without ceasing? Is that how I maintain the faith and hope?
Robyn, on November 17, 2013 at 2:30 am said:

I have a fibroid tumor that is causing my organs to be pushed up and is squishing my bladder causing me to have very bad bladder issues which is getting worse. My quality of life is getting less and less due to bladder. The tumor was the size of a 3 month old baby when the doctor found it and has now grown to a 4-1/2 month old baby in 9 months of finding it. I am not sure if the tumor is in my uterus or outside of it – will go to doctor again on Thursday. I have been to 2 gynecologists, both say I need a hysterectomy. My spiritual director says to listen to them and get the hysterectomy. However, I’m getting Catholic friends who think different. One says I have to find out if tumor is malignant or non-malignant (I guess if it’s non-malignant then I’m not supposed to have the hysterectomy). This is causing me great anxiety. I have prayed a lot about this and sought counsel. Please can you tell me if this is a mortal sin to have the hysterectomy.

FATHER JOE: How old are you and are you married? Sounds like a tumor that size would make child-bearing impossible. Fibroids can be very painful. I would echo your priest that you should listen to your doctors. Being Catholic has nothing to do with it. A hysterectomy over such an issue is commonplace and may be necessary. I know several good Catholic women who have had the operation over the same issue. It is not a sin to have such intervention. Protecting your life is also an important moral value.
John, on November 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm said:

John, on November 15, 2013 at 9:21 pm Reply to Fr Joe.
Dear Father, Thankyou for your reply and advice. My previous two marriages were in fact annulled.
Undoubtably you are right about me. I think my problem is that my second marriage seemed to be going fine and of course I had a normal loving relationship with her. But she had several affairs which I eventually found out about and we divorced.
Then I met my current partner who was never married and she became great company and was so kind to me and when my mother died she was a great comfort to me with her kind ways. Its just that we never had a sexual relationship. I cannot see that ever changing as we are more like brother and sister. I will try and turn my life around because it does worry me and hope you might say the odd prayer for me Father. I am really hoping that maybe when she converts to Catholisism that I will lose interest in the other person? Thanks again for your concern and advice. John
John, on November 15, 2013 at 9:21 pm said:

Father, after two failed marriages I have since lived with my girlfriend for 18 yrs.

I am a Catholic and she is thinking of converting. We don’t have a sexual relationship but I love her very much.

However I have a mistress who I visit once a month to my shame but although I feel so very guilty about this I don’t think I can give her up? She means nothing to me apart from gratification.

This problem has stopped me from going to Communion – but am I actually in mortal sin? I have not made any vows to my live-in girlfriend but I do realize that there is still deceit and I know how devastated she would be if she knew.

FATHER JOE:

Are you serious? Maybe I am missing something? How could you possibly doubt whether or not you are in mortal sin?

Let me warn you, you are not going to like what I have to say. You will probably find it hurtful. But I do not know how else to say it.

1. You were married before. As a Catholic if either marriage were in the Church then you are still married. That means any subsequent marriage or cohabitation is forbidden. Fornication and adultery with the mistress is a sin.

CLARFICATION – You said you had two annulments. That means that the situation is not technically adultery.

2. You compound infidelity on top of infidelity, cheating on your girlfriend with a mistress. Sex outside of marriage is always a matter of mortal sin.

3. You deceive the woman you are with currently by having a sexual relationship with another woman. Such deception is grievously serious and you wrong her.

You may go to Mass but you are right, you should refrain from Holy Communion. Indeed, you cannot even receive absolution until the irregularities are resolved. If there has been no annulment, then you are not free to marry. The Church does not recognize civil divorce.

CLARIFICATION – The annulments mean that you are free to marry but you cannot claim both your girlfriend and the mistress.

What is my advice? If your girlfriend came to me for religious instructions, as a priest I would urge her to either get married or to separate from you. If she wanted marriage, then I would ask you about the previous bonds and you would be morally obliged to come clean about the current infidelity. I would recommend that she move on because the degree of deception that you practice is wrong and would make marriage impossible. You say yourself that you cannot give up this other woman. That makes you unfit for marriage. You may destroy your own life but if you really loved your girlfriend then you would come clean so that she might move on. You have already wasted a good many years of her life in this world. She has a right to find someone who would really love her— worthy of her trust and preserving her dignity.

Face the truth about yourself; you are facing divine judgment. Change your ways, while there is still time— you have a terrible problem. If you are really concerned about your soul or hers, then changes must be made and genuine repentance. I cannot say that she would forgive you. But I see no good future for your union as it currently exists. If you really loved her, you would come clean and let her go. You cannot have both women. That makes a lie to your attestation of love. Love is sacrificial. Yours is selfish. Yours is not holy. Yours is not of God but of the evil one. Repent!
Michael, on November 15, 2013 at 6:39 am said:

A new pastor was assigned to my parish recently. I was shocked when I found out who our new pastor was. I was friends with his older brother about 20 years ago and during that time the person who is now my pastor was honestly not only openly gay but was also very flamboyant. This was before he became a priest. You wouldn’t know it from seeing him today. Is his ordination valid?

FATHER JOE: Keep your own counsel so as not to cause scandal. People change. He may have repented many years ago and have given his life to Christ. While there are concerns about homosexual applicants to the priesthood, such a condition would not invalidate his reception into holy orders. He is your priest and he can both absolve sins and consecrate the Eucharist. He promised celibate love and you have no grounds to question his commitment. Indeed, he may be a holy and prayerful man. We are all sinners but God’s grace can forgive us and place us on the path to holiness. As best as you are able, let the past go and receive him as the man and priest he is today, not as he was yesterday. Pray for him. Our histories can haunt us. Pray that he will be a good and loving pastor to his flock. Indeed, given that he may have anxieties about seeing ghosts from his past, you might tell him that he has your prayers for a successful ministry.
Joseph, on November 14, 2013 at 10:46 pm said:

Father, I’m having a horrible crisis of faith. I injured my back while at work in July of 2011… I have suffered every day since that day in horrible agony. I am bed-ridden, unable to work, unable to do almost anything. People talk of some plan that God must have for my life, but, after twenty-seven months and fourteen days of physical pain, I’m slowly convincing myself there is no loving, merciful Father who allow such anguish to fall upon one of his children. I would do anything in my power for my children and if I was omnipotent there would not be anything that I couldn’t do for my child. Yet, here I sit in pain, angry and frustrated. I’ve tried and continue to try and get better, but, my injury happened at work, so, I’m trapped in this worker’s compensation nightmare— defending everything about myself to lawyers as I battle for help. What omnipotent loving Father would allow so much torture fall upon his child? Even Jesus knew why he hung on the Cross. If knowing the fate of mankind rested in the balance, maybe, just maybe, I could carry this cross. I just feel forsaken and left to die a miserable death.

FATHER JOE: The problem of pain or suffering is a real mystery. Christ died as a failed prophet. He was betrayed by his own and condemned as a common criminal. The fact that he was the “innocent one” makes his sense of abandonment and pain unimaginable. He literally carried the price for the sins of the world. While answers may fail to suffice, the faith gives us them all the same. Our Lord did not take away suffering and death but he did place himself in solidarity with us. When I was a boy my asthma was so bad that I could not sleep. I was yelled at because my wheezing kept people up. I would cough up blood. I could not run and play as the other children did. Again and again, I prayed to God, “Why, why did you make me this way?” I would cry alone in the darkness. I felt abandoned. Little did I know that this adversity brought me closer to God— I joined my sufferings to his for the reparation of sin. My constant talks with God probably fueled my vocation. As a man I still struggle with respiratory issues. Now there is the addition of a back with two bad vertebrae that make it hard to genuflect at the altar. Standing for any period of time is agony. I grunt and huff-and-puff and I go on as best as I am able. When I stand before the congregation at Mass, coughing to catch my breath, leaning on the altar to ease the pain (or try to), I still offer my personal struggles with the passion and death of Christ. Nothing need be wasted, even that which is so dark and terrible. I cannot take away your pain. All I can say is that we can join our pain together with that of the Lord. The problems of the day are many but my faith assures me that everything is passing. One day every tear will be wiped away. But as for now, we can endure all things for the salvation of souls. Despair is no answer. We must maintain faith and hope.
Baily, on November 14, 2013 at 3:02 am said:

I feel sometimes as though I am among evil entities. Is it okay for me to wear a rosary for protection? Will it protect me by wearing it? If not, what can I wear to protect me from evil?

FATHER JOE: You can wear a religious medal and/or carry the rosary/cross in your pocket. Say your prayers and go to Mass. Our faith is in Christ’s protection. Religious symbols emphasize this truth and our prayerful invocation but do not function as magical talismans. Such is a distinction often confused between the function of a religious sacramental and a superstitious charm.
Michael Buser, on November 12, 2013 at 7:19 pm said:

Can a married man be a catholic chaplain? I know I can’t be a priest but would consider being a Catholic chaplain.

FATHER JOE: Do you mean in the military? Catholic chaplains are priests. There might be a Catholic liaison (assistant) on a base that contracts priests. Catholic deacons (married or celibate) sometimes function as associate chaplains in organizations like the Knights of Columbus but as far as I know, not in the military. Laymen cannot function as true or ordinary ministers in the Catholic community. Sorry.
jessie, on November 12, 2013 at 1:29 am said:

I am a newly married young woman . I am going to school full time with an hour and a half commute to school each way. My husband and I took our wedding vows very seriously. We said we would lovingly accept children into our marriage which we wjll. So my question is this: Since we do not use birth control and my cycles are go too irregular for NFP, is it a sin to push out my husband’s semen after we make love? I’m sorry for the content but I’m a little bashful to ask. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: This is a question that arises because of hygiene. Most semen flows out of the woman after intercourse. It only takes one sperm to fertilize the egg cell. While a contraceptive mentality may represent a sin in this case; you should be aware that simply allowing the semen to flow out will not really affect fertility. There are programs and techniques for NFP that take into consideration irregular cycles. These should be further investigated. Note, however, that even natural family planning can be sinful if pursued for selfish reasons or because of a contraceptive mentality. NFP may be used in the spacing of births but it is wrong to simply use it as the “Catholic form” of birth control. People who are not ready to have families should not get married and have sex. But that is my opinion. It resolves such a moral crisis as you now find yourself.
John, on November 11, 2013 at 10:35 pm said:

I was just curious about this. I heard from another priest that suicide in a way to save your comrades, for instance during war, is considered love and not a sin. What about the other way around. Would being in the army and killing so many people, but doing it for your country and comrades be considered a sin.

FATHER JOE: Dying to save your friends is not morally regarded as suicide. It is a noble self-sacrifice that reflects something of the mystery of Christ’s Cross. Jesus did not have to die. He did so out of love for you and me… not just for his friends but for those who by their sins were his enemies. The issue of war must follow the elements of just war: intentionally restricted to combatants, defense of country, protection of the innocent, etc. Violence that emerges from greed or a thirst for power is immoral. Racial hatred and genocide cannot be justified.
chaoticsymphony, on November 11, 2013 at 3:46 pm said:

Contact has already been made the problem comes after that point. I have requested the information needed and no one responds, it becomes a game of I call or show up and the person in charge of this or that is not there or does not have what’s needed they will get back to me about it and I then hear nothing again. There is clearly some lack of accountability here on behalf of the church, I assure you it’s not for lack of me trying. My question was in regards to a way to contact the Pope or the Vatican Press Office, one would think since both basically run the entire religion either could offer guidance and advise and just maybe look into why after all this time contact has not been returned. Never was thought that I could simply call the Pope up and have him make me Catholic.

FATHER JOE: Contact the next Catholic church over and tell them of your difficulty. The problem is not systemic. As for the Pope, the Church functions somewhat like the military. There is a chain of command. The Vatican will not overstep the jurisdiction of another bishop unless there is blatant heresy or misconduct. Anything you send the Pope will be returned to your local bishop.
David, on November 10, 2013 at 10:02 pm said:

Greetings again. I wonder if you have any information on how to contact the Pope or his office. I have tried to fax the Vatican Press Office at its listed +390669885373 number and it’s email at av@pccs.va but both appear to be down and not working. I am having a hard time gathering information and getting return contact from several churches about becoming Catholic. I have been told the same thing twice thus far but after the first basic response I hear nothing further from them, it’s disheartening.

FATHER JOE: One does not become Catholic by calling the Pope. Go to Mass at your local parish and introduce yourself to the pastor. Take a bulletin. Contact the person in charge of adult catechesis and/or RCIA.
Bob, on November 10, 2013 at 6:56 pm said:

An interesting question arose during a discussion on the Apostles’ Creed. During the celebration of the Mass and reciting the Creed we say, “He descended into Hell.” We also noted in the parish classrooms the posters for the children say, “He descended unto the dead.” Now I was taught that Our Lord Jesus descended in to Hell to show the followers of Satan and Satan himself that he is the Light of the World and that he has the power over sin and death; but based on research, professors of theology are using the Greek word “Hades” meaning place of the dead and as I remember it was similar to purgatory. Please give your thought on this. Have a Joyous Sunday.

FATHER JOE:

Sorry to say, it sounds like you were taught wrong. The current translation of the Creed at Mass uses the word HELL. The poster has the previous liturgical translation of the Creed, UNTO THE DEAD. It changed with the newer and corrected translation of the Roman Missal. A translation that was popular in Anglican circles rendered it as UNTO THE QUICK. Hell is a more literal translation; unfortunately, it can also be misunderstood. It refers not to the hell of the damned but to the more generic abode of the dead, what the Church termed as THE LIMBO OF THE FATHERS. Such a place no longer exists. Sin had breached humanity from God; the gates of heaven were closed with the sin of Adam and Eve. None could enter true heaven until the coming of the Christ. The righteous dead (Jews and Gentiles) awaited their Savior. Jesus descends into hell or unto the dead or the limbo of the fathers so that they might now be translated into heaven. The Eastern churches have an icon where Jesus flies from the flames carrying Adam and Eve out by the hair. Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life. There is no way to the Father except through him. He is the bridge or pontifex. His saving Cross makes possible our passage. We have been redeemed by the Lord. He pays the price for our entry. It is an affirmation that none are saved apart from Christ. As I said, the limbo of the fathers is not hell, not heaven and not purgatory. Those three realities still exist. However, at the final consummation and judgment, purgatory will also cease to be. Then there will be two realities, heaven and hell.
Lindsay, on November 5, 2013 at 3:50 pm said:

Thank you for your quick reply. They were married for 10 years. We are in Mobile, AL. The last letter he received a couple of months ago stated that they have everything they need…they have gathered all of the evidence they need to start making a decision. The ex-wife apparently was physically and mentally abused by several people in her life growing up, and she also says she was raped, which is why she started acting out the way she did. She tried drugs growing up and before marriage. My fiance says he knew none of this until after the birth of their second child, which is when she started acting withdrawn and one thing led to another.