Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Lizzie Rodriguez, on November 5, 2013 at 7:14 am said:

My boyfriend has been pushing for marriage. I’m not quite ready. I mean we’ve only been dating a year. To me, there’s a lot more we have to learn about each other before taking that step. We don’t even have the money for a wedding right now. I have always said I wanted to finish school before marriage. That hasn’t changed. I am a few months away from receiving my master degree and I plan on continuing my education until I receive my PhD. Not that I won’t consider marriage while I’m working on my phd, but if his job keeps him here (in Lubbock TX) and my school takes me to New England and we have to live apart for years, I don’t want that kind of marriage. I’ve asked him if he’d consider moving with me, he said his life is here. I have even suggested that if he comes with me while I finish school, I will follow him to the ends of the world if he wants me to, but I need to have my degree before doing so. He says I’m selfish and I am only thinking about myself. How do I make him understand that education is important to me? My parents never even finished high school. They have worked so hard to give me a proper education. I cannot let them down. I cannot let myself down. Am I being selfish?

FATHER JOE: You should not cohabitate before marriage. Christians who do so commit serious sin. Even if you decide to marry, you would still have to wait six months after contacting a priest. Are you being selfish? I really cannot say. It sounds to me that you have divergent plans for the future. Might it be that you do not really love him? Given that you have chosen a separate life from his, maybe it would be best to let him go? That way you can continue your education and he might find someone who wants what he wants (a wife who will love and follow him). It sounds like he has reached a point where he desires a spouse and family. Asking him to follow a woman who was unsure about marriage might be selfish if it ultimately ends up depriving him of what he most wants in life. (You say, yourself, that you are not ready.) Talk to him about it. If the two of you are still single in a couple of years then maybe you can make another try of it? A lot has to do with what each of you wants. Only the two of you can measure what is in your hearts.
Lindsay Coulter, on November 4, 2013 at 10:16 pm said:

My fiance and I have been together 4 years now. He filed for his annulment almost 2 years ago. We have received word it could be over another year, or more. The circumstances around his previous marriage are almost unbelievable. She got addicted to drugs (meth), got involved with the Mexican mafia, fraud, having two children with other men (while still married), using the children as drug mules, numerous affairs, etc. She apparently had deep rooted issues prior to their engagement. My question is, does the archbishop have special privileges to grant annulments himself? My fiancee’s is way down the line to be looked at, but I would think determined by the circumstances he would have the authority to make the decision on a case by case basis.

FATHER JOE: It sounds to me that there are unmentioned complications given that annulment cases usually take a year, although not every marriage court is the same. The decision does not rest with the archbishop (what diocese?) but with the Marriage Tribunal. Sometimes the decision is negative and the prior bond is ruled as binding. It sounds like he has grounds but such has to be proven with testimony and evidence. Once a verdict is achieved, the case is sent to a second Church court for review. If there is concurrence, only then is the verdict official. How long were they married? What exactly did correspondence from the archdiocese say? Look at the situation closely. The Church wants to help the two of you and yet also protect the institution of marriage as indissoluble. No matter how much the Church wants to rescue couples from adulterous relationships, she cannot do so at the expense of the truth. I will pray for you.
Grace, on November 4, 2013 at 1:47 pm said:

Fr, Hi. Another one from me. Of all the Rosary Mysteries, the Glorious Mysteries confound me a little. Fr, why did Jesus spend 44 days on Earth after His resurrection? What is this time here, after death, supposed to signify? Does this mirror what we too will face after death?I try to meditate on each Rosary mystery as I pray it but the first 2 Glorious mysteries leave me at a loss. Fr, I totally believe in the Resurrection and Ascension but I wish to understand the time in between. And thanks so very much for your endless patience.

FATHER JOE: The answer is quite simple, the time between the resurrection and ascension is when Jesus proves to his apostles that he is still alive and to empower the Church. He appeared to them and showered the Holy Spirit upon them.
Ana, on November 4, 2013 at 4:38 am said:

Okay. I see how my reply was offensive. Apologies all around.
I guess I wanted to see the good God could bring from a harsh deal in life, but it was insensitive. thanks for answering my first question, Father.

FATHER JOE: You’re too hard on yourself. It was just a question.
Grace, on November 4, 2013 at 12:00 am said:

Fr,
Whilst reading, I came across a comment: My mother was taught by the nuns at the convent that babies who died before they were baptized are in Purgatory. Is this true, Fr? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

I cannot say what was taught but no, it is not true. The theory of the Church that had entered the older catechisms was that unbaptized babies went to limbo. St. Augustine thought they went to hell, but churchmen and others have always cringed at the possibility. It seems so contrary to what Jesus was about. The universal catechism today is much more optimistic about their fate; however, we still urge early baptism because their disposition is not entirely clear.

Purgatory is not limbo. Babies suffer original sin but not personal sin.
Ana, on November 3, 2013 at 3:56 am said:

Ah, I see. Thanks for the reply, Father. The one set of twins that brought this idea to mind was a pair of young ladies who share one body with two heads, maybe the same one you referred to. They publicly mentioned a wish to marry and have children, so I wondered if that were morally possible.

I know it’s not really possible to see/understand God’s plans, but do you think that He allowed twins becoming fused/conjoined to illustrate the Trinity’s unison, or maybe the bonds Love creates (eg marriage, in the sense of “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”)?

FATHER JOE: God’s passive will permits but does not directly intend either moral or natural evil. I think the fault is with the disharmony that came into the world through sin. I would not try to make more sense of it. Children die from miscarriages before seeing the light of day. A knew another child without a brain that lived eight months after birth. I have known adults suffering serious retardation who cried like babies and constantly soiled their diapers. That is the only life they know… or will ever know. I also remember daily in my prayers a young man named Timmy. He was more head than body. He could not even sit up. And yet he was conscious and had normal intelligence. Every day as far back as he could recall was hard. Unable to talk he squeaked a toy at Mass to show response. Persons have dignity and beauty. But sometimes nature is cruel. There are so many things which we cannot fix. I still remember Otis the Frog Man. He was an act in the freak show that was part of a small traveling circus. He would tell his story and roll cigarettes with his lips and mouth. He did the best he could. He survived. He gave me his picture and I kept it in my breviary like a holy card. I admired his courage.
Shelby, on November 2, 2013 at 5:32 pm said:

If you are an adulturer, and have asked gods forgiveness, do you think we will deserve future love or find it, regardless of our sin?

FATHER JOE: One can know forgiveness and healing in Christ. Yes.
vin, on November 1, 2013 at 9:51 pm said:

Father, This year the holy day of obligation feast day of All Saints’ fell on a first Friday. If someone attends the vigil mass of All Saints’ on Thurs. evening for the following day, does that fulfill the devotion required for observing the First Friday of this month? Thank You.

FATHER JOE: The rules about devotions from private revelation are not strictly fixed. However, I would suspect that while the vigil counts for All Saint’s Day, it would NOT suffice for keeping First Friday. Am I right?
Ana, on November 1, 2013 at 3:09 pm said:

Father,

I’ve just come across a pretty strange question in my head that concerns conjoined twins. Especially in light of the things they sometimes biologically share, how do they practice chastity if, say, one gets married? I’d assume that they would discuss it with each other, hopefully prayerfully and maturely, but the fact still remains that one twin would be sort of forced to participate in any marital activities his/her twin and spouse try to share. Would they be morally obligated, therefore, to try separating via surgery or be celibate?

Curious,
-Ana

PS: Happy All Saints’ Day

FATHER JOE: A lot depends upon how they are joined. There is one case of a woman where two heads share one body. I would argue that such persons cannot marry. If there are two conjoined bodies, a case might be argued, but there could be no spouse swapping or direct involvement of the third party. Separation is not always possible and might mean the death of the twin. I have argued that religious life as in a cloister might be for the best.
Conor weed, on October 29, 2013 at 10:14 pm said:

I know it’s not a nice question.But If you are a British solider and sacrifice yourself on a grenade to save you friends is that considered suicide and end up in hell?

FATHER JOE: It is NOT regarded as suicide. It is regarded as meritorious. John 15:13 – “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Ana, on October 29, 2013 at 3:02 pm said:

Father,
I’ve a bit of a Marian question that might be a little silly.
I like to call Mary “Mama”. I feel more like a loving mother is with me when I address her this way in prayer. It means a lot to me, especially now, but do you think she minds being called something so informal?
-Ana

FATHER JOE: I don’t think she minds. She may feel honored.
Grace, on October 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm said:

Father,
Reading your sincere attempt to put me on the right path, I’m going to do just that – pray. Yes, any impediment to prayer will, in all likelihood, come from within me. And one of it could be hidden pride. God bless you, dearest Father. Keep me in your prayers. Again, Thank you.

FATHER JOE: My response was necessarily vague. For anything more, I would recommend talking to a priest and seeking one-on-one spiritual direction.
Randy, on October 27, 2013 at 7:10 pm said:

Dear Father– Not too long ago, I learned that it is expected of us to confess our sins in number/frequency (i.e. “I took the Lord’s name in vain four times”) [per Canon 988 – §1]. I don’t recall ever being taught this in Sunday school or by my parents, and of the several times I have been to confession I don’t remember the priest ever asking. An internet search shows that I’m not the only one who did not know this. Have I and others failed to receive absolution; and if so, is re-confessing all my sins over again the only way to remedy this?

FATHER JOE: Your sins are forgiven. Do not worry about it. You cannot be held accountable for what you did not know. Priests may be direct but they also try to be discrete. We do not want people to flee the sacrament. The reason why species and number is useful is because it aids the priest in making a spiritual judgment. We are all sinners but habitual sin might show a pattern of bondage that needs healing and attention. Is a sin an aberration in your life or a pattern that ensnares you. The priest does not want a lot of details, just enough to help you and to provide a suitable penance.
Grace, on October 27, 2013 at 12:42 pm said:

Dear Father,

Thank you for taking the time to help me understand blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. What about…

a) Catholics who consciously break the 1st Commandment and while still attending Mass, choose to covertly practice certain aspects of another religion?

FATHER JOE: Is there really a problem with people regularly participating at Mass while worshipping false deities? Even if there are strained loyalties, it is likely that such tension is not all that conscious. Can you give an example? I am not sure what you are asking. What other religion might a Catholic covertly practice? Are you talking about a Catholic who sometimes attends Protestant services with his spouse? They pray to the same triune God. Again, it is not clear to me what you are asking. That makes it hard to make a response.

b) Catholics who, by their actions, force a priest to leave the priesthood?

FATHER JOE: This is also vague. There may be some priests who must be forced from the active ministry so as to protect God’s people and the faith. Are you focusing on those who lie or seduce priests? We would be talking about malice and human weakness in those cases.

c) a Catholic who destroys a marriage and family life by forcing the spouses to choose this person over their husband or wife?

FATHER JOE: I fail to see the outright blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. We should not destroy marriages, but sometimes a separation is necessary as in cases of abuse. Marriages are often not so much destroyed from outside but from within. As with the priesthood question, adultery emerges from malice and/or weakness.

Do these situations indicate blasphemy?

FATHER JOE: I am not totally clear about the situations and so cannot say.

Can I still pray for those who seek to destroy in such a way?

FATHER JOE: We pray for our enemies. Is that the answer you want?

Father, I’m asking because in such situations, I often have to fight against a strange inner resistance to pray for these people.

FATHER JOE: Beware of such resistance. Remember the lesson from Sunday’s Gospel about the contrite Publican and the self-righteous Pharisee. Where there is no love there can be no spiritual justification.

When I still fight and pray, it’s as if the prayers ‘fall into nothingness’.

FATHER JOE: The Opening Prayer for Mass (30th Week) spoke about the three things that last: Faith, Hope and Charity. I have already mentioned charity or love. Here we might find a deficit in genuine faith.

I have no anger against these people, just hoping prayers can help them see the light, but this odd feeling persists.

FATHER JOE: We must always be alert against despair. The Opening Prayer also mentioned the virtue of hope. Don’t worry about feelings. Just do the right thing. Keep the faith. Love others. Embrace hope.
Grace, on October 25, 2013 at 11:38 pm said:

Dear Father,
Can you kindly explain what it means to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit? I know that it’s explained as attributing the work of God to the Devil but honestly, it makes very little sense to me. Father, can you kindly explain this to me, with a few examples. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is literally to impugn and reject the works of God. You cannot both be saved by God’s power and reject it at the same time. Without life in the Spirit, there can be no sustained faith and no saving grace. What does the Holy Spirit do? In the life of Jesus, the Spirit of God overshadowed Mary and she conceived the Christ. Those who overtly rejected Jesus as divine and as Lord blasphemed the Spirit. The Holy Spirit made possible the miracles of Christ and the forgiveness of sins. Jesus is condemned by the religious leaders of his day as possessed and performing his signs by the power of demons. This charge was a serious blasphemy against the Spirit. Jesus rose from the dead by his own power, that of the Holy Spirit. Again the religious leaders rejected the truth and told the guards to lie and say that he body was stolen. This was blasphemy against the Spirit. The rejection of the saving truth that we know to be true is blasphemy against the Spirit. In Genesis the Spirit of God hovered over the waters of creation. Attacks against the sovereignty of God over human life are a violation against the Holy Spirit. Many regarded suicide as such an insult against God and a sin from which one could not repent. As long as one opposes divine grace and forgiveness, these gifts of the Spirit cannot be actualized. That is the meaning of “unforgiveable.”
Grace, on October 24, 2013 at 10:28 am said:

Hi Father,
The pope has just consecrated the world to Our Lady of the Immaculate Heart. What is the meaning and the impact of this consecration? Why is it so important? Thanks, Fr.

FATHER JOE: Initially such a consecration, albeit targeting Russia, was requested by Our Lady of Fatima. It was accomplished in a universal manner by Pope John Paul II but such consecrations can be echoed or repeated. The latest consecration was by Pope Francis. Many rosaries were prayed for the conversion of Russia. We saw the fall of Soviet Communism. Today we pray still, and this latest consecration of the world to the Immaculate Heart, is a prayer for faith and peace. Look at our Western society… we are all in desperate need of conversion. Hearts and minds must be changed.

http://www.ewtn.com/expert/answers/FatimaConsecration.htm
Jake, on October 23, 2013 at 12:09 am said:

Hello. I was raised in a Catholic family, but had the one parent who didn’t go to church. I grew up not attending church, and eventually got married to a wonderful lady who goes to a non-Catholic Church. After a while, I realized I’d like to go back to the church of my family, but my wife doesn’t want to leave her church. We have children, and she would like them to be raised in her faith. Is there any chance of me being a full member of the Catholic Church without causing my wife to give up her faith and beliefs on raising our kids?

FATHER JOE: Yes, it is possible. Were you baptized a Catholic? If so you will need to convalidate your marriage before a priest and two witnesses. You may also need some catechesis. Contact a priest.
Janice, on October 22, 2013 at 8:37 pm said:

Just got this info from a Catholic Moms site I belong to. PLEASE check into this and let me know if this is true or not. Satanic and New Age rosaries: http://en.gloria.tv/?media=432164

FATHER JOE: While sacramentals can always be corrupted, I suspect there is nothing wrong with the cheap plastic rosaries. The connections with wiggles, or a so-called snake or suns is contrived silliness. There are all sorts of artistic variations in crucifixes. The fanaticism at work in the video is guilty of impugning a legitimate Catholic sacramental.
Chris, on October 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm said:

Hello, I have a kinda difficult question. Suppose I am an atheist myself, the girl I love is Catholic and already married to someone else. Does the “until death do us part” phrase, mean that I might be able to get her in the “afterlife” or “heaven” under specific circumstances? As I understand the marriage ends with death of either one or both parties of the couple, right?

FATHER JOE:

First, as an atheist it is going to be hard to be with her if you are in hell and she is in heaven.

Second, there is no marriage in the afterlife other than the marriage of Christ (the Lamb of God) with his Church. Jesus says the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage.

Third, if she belongs to someone else, you had best look elsewhere for a mate.
Obianuju, on October 22, 2013 at 12:33 pm said:

Dear father Joe,
Is it true that the catholic church has non-celibate priest? If yes, is there any Diocese they exist in and what are the duties they perform as priests? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I answered this before. Yes, it is true that there are married priests in the Catholic Church and these men do not practice celibacy. However, they are men from the Eastern rites or they are married clergy from the Anglican churches who have been received and ordained in the Catholic Church. Some of these men from Anglicanism work alongside celibate priests. There is also an Ordinariate (national) for Anglican Use parishes. We have a couple in Maryland between the Archdiocese of Washington and Baltimore. They are scattered and few across the country. You can only join these communities officially if you are not yet Confirmed. Unless there are unforeseen changes, it is my understanding that future vocations will be reserved to single men.
Julia, on October 20, 2013 at 10:41 pm said:

In a catholic wedding ceremony does the man have to have a best man or can he have a woman instead? I was wondering if it’s ok with the church to have a female instead of male best man.

FATHER JOE: You need two witnesses, regardless of gender. (This is not true of baptism, where there should be a man and woman godparent.)
Faith, on October 20, 2013 at 5:56 pm said:

Hi Father. I’m Faith, seventeen years old and living in the third world country, the Philippines. Awhile ago, I was riding a jeep with my sister and a friend of mine. when it stopped, a street boy came in and handed out envelopes on all the passengers’ laps, including us. on the envelope was written in a nice penmanship that if we could please give them money so that he can buy food for them and his brothers and sisters. I wanted to give alms to the poor, but I was half hearted, because the penmanship was so nice and maybe it was part of a syndicate using children to beg on the streets. I was feeling bad and I didn’t put money in the envelope. I know should give food instead, but I had none with me. I think no one did gave him anything. and when the jeep stopped, the boy collected the envelopes and went out of the jeep and walked away. I was feeling terrible, because nobody gave him money, but still, it was so sad to give trust to something evil that when tolerated will just continue over the generations. Now, my question is, if it was Jesus who was in that Jeep, do you think He will give the boy money?

FATHER JOE: First, the use of children by syndicates is also prevalent here in the U.S.. Locally we have men who give minors a box of stale candy, driving them out of their neighborhood to a shopping center where they must solicit for a non-existent school or for uniforms or for a fake charity. At the end of the day, the kids are picked up and paid off. The bulk of the money goes to the men who are exploiting the children. Second, it is not always possible to know what Jesus would do. Why? It is because he could read souls. He would know if the need were real or not. If genuine, he would have offered something or performed a miracle (like multiplying bread and fish). If fraudulent, I could see Jesus rendering judgment upon those who exploit the children and the poor.
Margaret, on October 20, 2013 at 11:53 am said:

Father, I was recently asked to help out in our Religious Ed program at our Church as a Catechist Aide, with the emphasis on Aide. My son is in the 6th grade program and we have what I call a “deal”, I won’t ask him to do something that I wouldn’t do, hence my volunteering. I was put in the 2nd grade class. However, there were several volunteers for that class (2 teachers as well as another Aide), so I asked if there was another place they could put me where I would be a better use as an “Aide”. Somehow that ended up with me being asked to be an 8th Grade Catechist. Father, I was born and raised Catholic, but I’m no theologian. I want to make sure that what I pass on is in fact the actual beliefs of our Church. I am using the weekly scriptures as a starting point, but would like to find out if there is something that I could use that would help me provide some real basis for the readings, the message they are trying to convey and spark discussions from these young folks that would help them get a real understanding of what is different about being “Catholic” versus just being Christian. As my father would say, all Catholics are Christian, but not all Christians are Catholics. At least that is going to be my starting point. Unfortunately both my parents have passed away, so that resource has passed. Father, I was asked to do this with very little preparation. I have searched for articles and books (even started using the books recommended by your blog), but I find myself trying to pair it down to fit in a hour 1/2 lesson. My goal is to engage these young people, but I don’t want to be asked to answer a question that I’m not prepared to at least answer or be able to provide the church’s real stand before another class. Asking a lot here— I’m looking for guidance, not necessarily another entry on your blog. I find the homilies on this site helpful, but any other resource I could use, well would be very much appreciated. Thank you, Margaret

FATHER JOE: Does the catechetical program offer you resources? Given the brevity of time we have youth in the religious education program, we stick with the recommended text books. Here is what we follow from the Archdiocese of Washington (SEE LINKS):

STANDARDS OR CURRICULUM:
http://site.adw.org/religious-education-curriculum

TEXTBOOKS
http://site.adw.org/catechetical-textbook

Following the texts strictly might limit creativity, but it insures that the children are learning what they should know. We do not do a lectionary-based program until high school and Confirmation.
Ezy, on October 20, 2013 at 3:02 am said:

Dear Father, my boyfriend and I once engaged in heavy kissing and romancing but we both reconciled with God through sacrament of penance. Now we are trying to set limits with regards to this. My questions are:

1) Can we still kiss lightly and caress or pet lightly and yet still be able to receive the holy communion or is doing so a mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: If you are over 18, you are of the age of consent, and dating/courtship is natural. The boundaries are sometimes hard to keep. Nevertheless, finding a mate is by definition inherently personal with physical elements. Chaste kisses, holding hands, sweet caressing, etc. are natural. There is nothing sinful in this… but be careful. Young men can become incredibly excited with very little visual or tactile stimulation.

2) Also, I have received communion in the past after kissing a little and did so because I felt I didn’t harbour impure thoughts about it nor did it lead to sex. now I’m worried that I may have been receiving the body of Christ unworthily. Please Father, I need your advice.

FATHER JOE: What might seem safe and innocent to you might constitute something else for your boyfriend. That is why it is good for men and women to dialogue honestly about such things. You might be satisfied with the gentler side to romance. However, your boyfriend, if he is like most men, desires and thinks about much more. If you love him then you must consider his thoughts and feelings, too. You want to help him to be holy. Men and women who fall in love want to go to bed and have sexual congress and intimacy. They want a family. That is why God gave us marriage. Do you see your relationship leading to marriage?
jill vice, on October 19, 2013 at 6:46 pm said:

I am not Catholic. My friend is. She bought me a bottle of holy water, and a statue or St Joseph. She told me to bury the statue facing my for sale sign, and my house will sell. I was going to ask her what to do with the holy water, but did not get the chance. I am Baptist, so I do not know. I put the holy water and the little statue in my purse in a make up bag and set it on the living room table by the front door and forgot about it. This morning I got my make up bag and the holy water was hot, not warm , but very hot. My husband witnessed all of this, so I am not imaging it. Nothing in the make up bag was even warm, not the statue either. The table was cold, and nothing in my purse was even warm. Nothing was on the table but my purse. I called my friend and told her, and she left a message for her priest to call her asap. She told me to open the bottle and put some in a bowl by the door and say a prayer for guidance and knowledge about what happened. 3 or 4 minutes had passed and the Holy Water was sitting on the table and when I picked it back up, it was ice cold. I know this sounds crazy. I am trying to find out what is going on. I have walked around my house praying in each room and on my knees asking Jesus what happened and is there a meaning here that I am missing. I do not believe in this kind of weird thing, but I cannot explain how this happened, and I know for a fact that it happened. I sprinkled it around the house when it was cold. Do you know why this happened? Have you ever heard of this? We are Christians, and my husband is a praise band leader, so we are not some kind of NUTS. I appreciate any information you may have if you have ever heard of this happening.

FATHER JOE: Yes, I have heard of such things but I am unable to give you a certain explanation. Some critics do not like the burying of a St. Joseph statue in the back yard because they fear superstition. The ritual must accompany faith and prayer. It is a sacramental gesture, a way of saying that under the patronage of St. Joseph, you hope that God might assist you in selling the house. Such allows another to have a home and permits you to move on to yours. We remember the Holy Family and pray that all our homes will be holy– that Christ will live in our homes with us. If the house sells, you are supposed to dig up the little statue and place it in your own home. Holy water is another sacramental by which we recall the promises and effects of our baptism. We use it in a prayerful way to consecrate our homes to the Lord. Catholics often add a prayer to the Sacred Heart. All of this would be very foreign to a Baptist. If you have objections to statues then I would not recommend burying it. What the Catholic faith sees as a prayer gesture might degrade to superstition or magic for one who does not believe as we do. Could the business with the water be a sign that God might want you to further explore the Catholic faith? Is that not what you have started doing now? If interested, I would encourage you to contact a Catholic parish for instructions. Do not worry, you would not have to convert if you do not want to do so. But you might find the answers you are seeking.