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    Fr. Joseph Jenkins

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Feel free to submit a new question or concern in the comment box below.  Various topics and questions are archived here for easy retrieval.  Please be courteous.  Comments are moderated so please be patient in waiting for them to appear and for any responses.  God bless you!





3,936 Responses

  1. Hi Father,

    My husband and I are both Catholic and since the day we were married, we have always been open to life. We had a daughter after our first anniversary but faced infertility for the next 10 years that was unexplained. We continued to trust God and refused to take fertility medicine to force things to happen as doctors tried to push, and God blessed us 10 years later with a son, conceived naturally. That was 4 1/2 years ago. Since my son was six months old and over the next 4 years, we have suffered the loss of 6 babies at different stages of pregnancy , two at 8 weeks, one at 16 weeks, one at 21 weeks (cord accident), one at 14 weeks and on Monday (12-10) at 11 weeks. Outside of the son at 21 weeks which was from the cord wrapped around his neck, doctor’s do not give me any reasons why I’m a losing these babies but that it is probably my age. They have never said that I should not have anymore children however. My own doctor has said there is nothing wrong with me and that she has many many patients in their forties have children. I am 42. With several of these losses I did end up with some complications that required emergency care in a hospital but it was handled and I was back home the same day. The care by doctors in the hospital when I would have a complication was humiliating and they treat us like we are foolish for being pregnant in the first place. My husband and I want to be open to life at all times and welcome any child that God wants to bring into our lives but at the same time are we getting the message wrong from God. I’m confused about what God wants from us. Why is he allowing this door to stay opened at this stage of our lives if each life continues to end this way. I thought he wanted us to welcome a lot of children but why do we continue to be heartbroken each time. Sometimes I feel I am being greedy because I have two beautiful children so why should I want more. One of the hardest parts of this whole situation is the judgement from family and others. It’s easy for people to look at our situation and simply say, “Oh you have lost multiple children, I think that is a message to not have more”. Is it really that simple? By the loss of our third baby, people were saying, “It’s irresponsible, selfish, you shouldn’t be having anymore, you already have two children, you should be careful,” etc. These are also people that do not understand what being open to life even means. We feel now we have to hide any pregnancy and then suffer in silence just the two of us when we suffer another loss, just like this past Monday. It is an incredibly lonely feeling. Are we being faithful to God by continuing to be open to life at all times no matter how heartbreaking or painful it is, or are we being foolish? We are so confused at this point.

    Thank you for any insight you can give to our confused and broken hearts.


    While couples should be both open to life and responsible parents, the question as to how hard they should strive for a family is a question I leave (as a pastor of souls) up to them. The Church does not forbid fertility treatments, but they also have complications, like multiple births. Why God would give you so many children and then allow them to quickly perish is a mystery that probably none of us can fathom. The faith would remind us that these children who lived a short time in this world will know an eternity in the next. We commend them to the care of our loving Lord.

    While the Church teaches about the sanctity of life and how the marital act should always be open to the transmission of human life; I know many good Christian couples who use NFP to both plan and to space the births. However, given that couples follow the truths of faith, it is wrong for outside family, friends, co-workers and even medical personnel to tell you how many children you should or should not have. That is an intimate question between yourselves and God. You are right that you must always think of the two children who survived. But that does not close the heart in wanting or in welcoming further human life. I will keep you in prayer.

  2. Father, your response to a previous questioner was that in heaven we will have our bodies. But our bodies are made of matter. I thought that heaven was a spiritual place. Is heaven a physical place as well? Maybe this is simply a mystery and we won’t know until we get there.

    FATHER: We do not know all the details although Scripture speaks of a new heaven and a new earth. Jesus bodily rose from the dead and he ascended bodily into heaven. Similarly, Mary was assumed “body and soul” into heaven. I cannot say what will constitute our risen bodies as there will be no more marriage and no more suffering or death. However, it is clear that there will be a restoration of body and spirit in heaven. We will be the same, but different.

  3. Hello Father,
    Thank you for your detailed response! It was very reassuring to me. However, I still have some questions about the afterlife. Is Hell real in the literal sense–meaning, is the torment depicted in the Bible symbolic of being distanced from God? Or does it literally mean that souls must spend eternity suffering?
    Again thank you so much for the help and Merry Christmas!

    FATHER JOE: Hell is regarded by the Church as a REAL place. The soul has no parts. Given this, it cannot break down. The soul survives the death of the body. Christ’s promise to the Church has always been understood as a full restoration or a glorified body just as he displays after the resurrection. The dead will not remain ghosts and we are not angels. The resurrection of the dead means that we will be whole (body and soul) but different. Heaven and hell are real places. Heaven is defined by the beatific vision. We will live within the Trinity itself and will see God face-to-face. The mystery of God (as infinite) cannot be exhausted. There is no boredom in heaven. The Church teaches that in heaven we will know contentment and joy— no more suffering or sickness— just happiness as we give glory to God. While the main pain of hell is loss or alienation from God (for whom we are made); the Church also teaches that there is a fire that afflicts the senses. Why? Beyond the measure of temporal punishment that refuses to be appeased, it has been argued that it is God’s final gift, a distraction from the pain of loss. We are made for God. God will not annihilate us. Those he has made, he has made. Providence does not come with an eraser. Unfortunately, the souls of the damned embrace hatred over love. Their deaths make that choice permanent. They did it to themselves. As to what kind of company the damned have with one another, that would constitute speculation. The late Presbyterian Dr. Scott Peck imagined such an afterlife as being imprisoned in a room or box with no windows or doors. Hatred does not look out. Evil does not open doors to others.

    By contrast, love makes for light-filled rooms with unlocked and welcoming doors. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  4. Hello, my brother found some money (around $60) in a parking lot and is keeping it. Is that considered theft? Should I tell him not to?

    FATHER JOE: There are factors missing in the inquiry. Did the money come in a wallet or is the owner identified? If not identified, was the parking lot affiliated with a particular housing unit or retail place? In such a case, the announcement should be made that money was found but the amount should be withheld. That way there can be no easy deception about ownership. When possible, such findings should be given the police. After a certain amount of time and no one comes forward then the money is yours. These factors cloud the matter of whether his actions constituted theft.

  5. My husband and I are not religious. He never was and I left the Christian (Protestant) faith after realizing that the very flawed teachings I received led me to have an unhealthy relationship with myself and the world, among other things, to which I will get shortly.

    My husband’s sister and mother are active Catholics. They sat during our Protestant service and took the vows to support and nurture our marriage— from which point they have undermined it for thirteen years.

    There have told lies about me to my husband behind my back. They consist of constant complaints or fabrications of petty infractions. “She didn’t talk to me when I wanted.” “I don’t like talking to her on the phone.” There have also been passive-aggressive “Mean Girl” stunts.

    I believe efforts to undermine our adopting were made with negative reports to the adoption agency. “You’re too old to have kids.” There is even cyber-stalking of a now-defunct blog with complaints about what I wrote (when it wasn’t about them). His sister has more than once called me and just started screaming at me. And yet, she says she doesn’t know why I asked her not to call me anymore.

    My husband still tries to have a relationship with them; but others have noticed, along with my friends and family, that the sister is the clear favorite who is indulged and spoiled. On the other hand, my husband, an accomplished, intelligent professional, who is a loyal, sober, faithful husband and a helpful, dedicated son, seems to be tolerated, except when he’s needed to be a free handyman or computer service technician or cat-sitter.

    I’m not perfect, but I’m a stable, loyal, faithful wife who has often supported him in helping when they need it. I don’t keep him from functions, but I don’t go. I’m a professional who has earned equal or more than my husband throughout most of our marriage; but they’ve hinted to me that I married him or I’m exploiting him for his money. They count my drinks at functions (1-2 if any) after I got a bit tipsy once four years ago, snub me and even him sometimes, and allow their relations to insult and belittle me at gatherings with no apology.
    I digress, but it was in the interest of background. Suffice to say at this point, they are a strain on our marriage, and at some point I nearly left just to get away from them.

    Is it a violation of some rule or principle of the Catholic faith to undermine or even try to break up a marriage? Why would “Good Catholics” behave this way? Honestly, seeing self-proclaimed Christians behave this way is one of the few things that drove me from the Christian faith.


    The hardest teaching of Christianity is to love those who are hard to love.

    Unless the service is quite different from the Catholic ritual, I cannot imagine why your husband’s mother and sister would have made any vow to interfere with your marriage, support or not. The only vows or promises that matter are the ones shared between you and your husband. Family members should support and care for each other but it is a good rule of thumb not to intrude or interfere in marriages. The problem may be that these so-called “good Catholics” are not good enough. Malicious gossip or calumny is a serious sin. My advice to them would be to keep the two of you in prayer but about all the rest to shut their mouths. What is the old saying? “If you can’t say anything nice about someone then it is best to say nothing at all.”

    It sounds to me that you and your husband are responsible people with a lot of love that you would like to share with a child. Often older parents do an especially good job at raising a family. Try not to allow these negative voices to tear you down or to destroy your hopes. I wish you well with this.

    As for the Christian faith, I am reminded of the convert G. K. Chesterton who wrote, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.” In truth we are all hypocrites or sinners who fall short; I remain with the Church not because we are all saints but because along with other sinners I want to know God’s love and mercy. As a priest I have great confidence in the Lord, even when men (and even other priests) deeply disappoint me. I weep for the state of the Church and our world. But I trust the teachings of faith, even if they should be misrepresented through flawed witness and faulty appreciation.

    Maybe the answer is not avoiding religion, but for people like yourself to show others how it should be expressed or lived out. The Catholic faith is ultimately not a rule book or a philosophy of life. It is signified by a genuine relationship of faith in Christ that is lived out in loving obedience. The great truth of Christmas is this— that God so loved us that he sent his only-begotten Son to save us.

    I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Have a happy, healthy and holy Christmas!

  6. Dear Father,
    I’ve been an atheist for most of my life, but lately, I’ve been adopting more of my mother’s Catholic values. I still have doubts about the true existence of a higher power, and I long for God to send me a sign. I’m also frightened by the thought of the existence of Hell. Would it really be a place of eternal torment? The idea terrifies me. I feel conflicted and deeply depressed by my desire to return to Christianity and simultaneous fear of believing. Can you offer any suggestions?
    Thank you Father.


    While judgment is real, the Christian faith is not one based on fear or threats but rather a promise— Jesus tells us that we are loved and that God cares about us and wants us to share his life. The redemptive work is the fulfillment of the ancient promise of restoration given the Jews; however, while sin and death are conquered, the effects of sin still have to be unraveled. Our Lord also gives us a promise of consummation and his return. This is very much the theme of the Christmas season. We remember his first coming as we await his second.

    The Gospel story begins and ends with a powerful admonition, “Be not afraid.” If we have a genuine faith realized by loving obedience then we can live in the sure and certain hope of being welcomed into heaven. The mystery of hell is really on our side of the equation. God wants to save us. However, you have to want to be saved. There are some who reject the goodness of God and the work of Christ. They are enablers for the culture of death. Their code is one of selfishness and their identity suffers from a profound self-absorption. Only their choices and needs matter. There is little or nothing of sacrificial love. While some crudely externalize their hatred of others, the fact remains that indifference is just a more subtle form of hatred. People are hurting. People are in need. People are afraid. People are endangered. And, to be blunt, some could not care less. It is the character of Scrooge prior to his conversion in the Christmas Carol. It is Pilate washing his hands. It is Caiaphas tearing his cloak and handing over an innocent man to Rome. It is a politics “of them and us” where we put up walls instead of trying to find ways to show compassion. It is the woman who terminates her child in the womb because she has plans and a lifestyle that take precedence. It is the terrorist who blows up buildings with innocent people or cuts of the heads of Christians who refuse to renounce Jesus. It is the person who looks upon the poor or the bum on the street as a problem instead of as an opportunity to help turn around someone’s life. It is the failure to say and to show the meaning of “I love you.”

    Eternal life is alive in the saints as they walk the earth. Similarly those destined for hell already carry it around inside themselves. They are isolated, alone. Like Milton’s Satan, they could say, “I am Hell.” Many would deny this but such results from a life where there has been little if any honest personal reflection.

  7. Father Joe, thank you so very much for your answers to my end of life questions. They are really VERY helpful. It is difficult to watch my mom go downhill physically and mentally and feel so helpless. I bring her Communion each week from Mass and she’s very grateful for that and Hospice now has a priest bringing her Communion as well. My dad died suddenly, so I’ve not experienced this journey with a parent before. I offer up her sufferings, (as well as my own and my rosaries), to repair for her sins and for a holy death for her since she’s mentally not very capable to do that for herself anymore. I pray for her daily. Again, thank you very much! Your blog is a godsend in this very troubled world.

  8. Also, Father, in conjunction with my previous question on end of life issues, can we as Catholics have a DNR? I really don’t know what is ok and not ok with end of life. I’m the only one of my siblings who continues to be a practicing Catholic and before we possibly get to a critical place with my mom, I need to have things clear in my own mind so that I can stand ground with my non practicing siblings, if need be.

    FATHER JOE: Every case has to be judged on its own so as to determine if “Do Not Resuscitate” orders are permissible. It comes down to discerning what is ordinary (required) and extraordinary (not required). We are obliged to do what we can to promote the good of life but this obligation does not bind us to use every means for survival when such efforts are useless and disproportionate to what we hope to accomplish. A person who is dying should not be inflicted with painful procedures so as to live a few more minutes or to endure an unspecified time of great duress or agony. The question must be asked, “Is recovery really in the cards?” The Church teaches that we are not obliged in dire situations of this sort to employ every means of self-preservation and/or efforts that are already judged as useless to preserve life and human dignity. Each case must be judged on its own merit or conditions. Is the grave burden of treatment disproportionate to the goal of restoring health?

  9. Father Joe, I need help navigating end of life issues. My mom is 91, has congestive heart failure, bad dementia, is blind, and is down to 88 lbs. because she won’t eat much or is not hungry. She is mostly non-compliant with any help we try to bring in or to help her feel better. Both her doctor and a visiting nurse that we’ve had coming in to oversee her since her latest hospital stay have suggested it’s time for hospice. We’ve noticed she’s been sleeping a good part of the day now, is trying to divvy up her belongings between us kids and is talking a lot about my dad and my brother, both who are dead. We have spoken to hospice, whose focus is palliative care instead of trying to get her better, of course. We’ve been focused on getting her better for 9 yrs. No one thinks there is any “better” to get her to at this point, both because of her condition and her non-compliance. My question is: what does our Catholic faith say about end of life care? If something medical were to happen, are we obligated to take her to the hospital or can we keep her home and comfortable and let nature take its course without extra measures? I need to be sure we don’t step over the line, but just not sure where that line actually is. Any guidance you can give me will be most appreciated and thank you for this forum and for your faithful service as a priest.

    FATHER JOE: It is better to talk to someone locally who can see first-hand the situation. However, given what you describe, it does sound like it is time for hospice care. We are not obliged to seek out every medical intervention, especially when the situation is not one from which recovery is really possible.

  10. What do you think it means father? I am Irish Catholic. Nonsense is not an open mind for a priest I want to know what this message means for me.

    FATHER JOE: An open mind to what? Gibberish? Yes, I am a priest. I try to break open the Word of God. I am not a code-breaker. I suspect the message means nothing… unless someone wants to play with your head. Given that you are “Irish” Catholic, you should spend your time at Mass, saying your prayers like the rosary, and reading Scripture. There is no Gnostic secret message. God’s revelation to mankind is public.

    Thank you, no wonder the church is in ruins in good old USA.

    FATHER JOE: I gave you honest counsel as a priest. You in turn gave me insult or rebuke. I will keep you in prayer.

  11. The following religious message appeared on my mobile can you decode please.

    Hi 34 11 sorry for the 6667t3diiyttu

    FJAJ DECODE = Hi, come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. / Sorry for the anti-Christ tattoo.

    FATHER JOE: Seems like nonsense to me.

  12. Fr. Joe:
    Dec. 8 is the First Friday of Dec, as you know. If I attend the Vigil Mass that evening, would it satisfy my First Friday devotion? Or should I receive Eucharist at morning mass then attend the Vigil Mass? I am u able to attend mass on Dec. 8.

    FATHER JOE: There is no First Friday obligation. The obligation this week is in regard to the Immaculate Conception (December 8). There is a vigil on Friday and a morning Mass on Saturday.

  13. Hi Father. My husband came out to me as transgender and wants to transition to a woman. Will my marriage become annulled?

    FATHER JOE: Annulments are not automatic. They must be settled by a Tribunal.

  14. I feel alienated and excluded more and more each Sunday. I’ve been going to a 6:30 am mass on Sundays for the reason I can say the prayers, participate and feel good about the service. Since a new pastor has taken over he has initiated the singing of prayers at this early mass. He has not only alienated me four fellow parishioners stated they would not becoming back. I know others who feel this way. Another problem is part of this is a plan to do away with this mass time rumor has it. What would be the right way of confronting these issue I have with the pastor, I will be looking to find another church to call home
    Thank you

    FATHER JOE: There is a preference for song and/or chant when it comes to liturgy. The non-musical recitation of the Mass may be preferred by some, but it is more by way of exception than as something the Church would prefer. As for the addition or subtraction of Masses, much depends upon attendance and the availability of clergy. Some parishes have liturgical committees where such issues are discussed; however, the decision remains with the pastor and the immediate needs of the faith community. You should remain with your juridical parish and respect the authority of your pastor.

  15. Hi Fr Joe,
    With the Holy Day of obligation for the Immaculate Conception on a Saturday, does going to Mass on Saturday evening fulfill the obligation for that Holy Day? Or, is it only Mass in the morning that is valid for the Immaculate Conception? I am working on Saturday morning, but if I went to the 5pm Mass on Saturday and then Mass on Sunday morning, would I be fulfilling both obligations? Or does Saturday night Mass cover me for both the Holy Day and Sunday obligation? Thanks for clarifying.

    FATHER JOE: The obligation is satisfied at the vigil on the night prior (Friday) or at the morning Mass on Saturday. The evening Saturday Mass does not satisfy the obligation as it is the anticipatory Mass for the Second Sunday of Advent.

  16. is it a mortal sin to not apologize to someone? I inadvertently offended someone in my class when he asked me a question about a presentation I did. I kind of feel bad, but also I have never spoken to this person before that encounter so we don’t really have a relationship, so I’m not sure if I’m obligated to apologize or anything.

    FATHER JOE: You “inadvertently” offended someone? If it were not your intent then there is nothing for which to apologize. Apologies are acknowledgments of wrongdoing that function as efforts to make some form of reparation or healing of a wrong.

  17. Hello Father,

    I have a strong desire to go to Confession but am not sure if it is appropriate or not. I’m currently battling an active drug addiction. I recently reached out for help and will be starting a rehabilitation program in a few days.

    Even though I have a plan in place that I pray will give me the assistance I need to overcome this (I can’t do it without help); I am still an active drug user. Do I have to wait until I’ve successfully completed my rehab and am in full recovery before I can go to Confession? Would it be a sin or invalid if I went now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you for your time,


    FATHER JOE: The sacraments give grace and you certainly need God’s assistance during this difficult time. You certainly desire to be free from your addiction— that is why you are entering a rehabilitation program. The desire to amend your life may be hampered by habit and addiction; however, I would argue that it is sufficient to go to Confession and receive absolution. While the use of drugs is sinful as they damage the body; your freedom is damaged by the addiction. Dedicate yourself to getting help from wherever you can get it— the sacraments, medical intervention and therapy. Do not give up. I will remember you on prayer.

  18. Dear Father,

    I have come across the writings of Saint Leonard of Port Maurice. Are you familiar with him? He states that only 2 or 3 people in one hundred thousand will be saved. Can this possibly be true? Yes, I know his belief sounds very extreme but he is a canonized Saint in the Roman Catholic Church.

    FATHER JOE: Men and women are canonized because of holiness, not because all their views or opinions (even about faith) are accurate. Many today suspect that more will be saved than lost. I am not so sure. Indeed, my hunch is that it is the other way around. But only God knows. He judges souls… we do not. God can save whomever he pleases to save. I would not presume to know absolutely the mind of God. What I do know is that Christ redeems us with his Cross and we are called to place a living faith in him that is realized in charity and obedience. God has given us the Church and her sacraments so that we might have a saving encounter with the Lord.

  19. Hi Father Joe,

    Do you know of any priests who pray deliverance prayers for people over the phone or through skype? I live in a country where the priests dont know much about deliverance and Im not getting the help I need. I tried to get help from them and they were not able to help much. I need someone experienced in dealing with deliverance. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks

    FATHER JOE: Something is not right with what you are saying. There is no greater deliverance prayer than the priest’s absolution and that demands his immediate presence.

  20. Father,
    I’m a teenager and I’m Catholic. My parents aren’t. I’ve committed several mortal sins and I want to go to confession, but my parents won’t take me, and I don’t have a car. I have no way of getting to church, but I can’t live with these sins on my conscience. Please help and thank you.


    I am curious as to how you as a teenager are a Catholic while your parents are not. Are your parents lapsed Catholics? Did you become a Catholic through enrollment in a parochial school? Have you received all your sacraments of initiation, including Confirmation? What can you do in a situation where your parents do not support the practice of faith?

    Here are some thoughts:

    1. God understands the restraints you are under. While I cannot know for sure if your sins be mortal, nevertheless, you can make a good act of contrition with the intention to go to Confession when the opportunity arises. Remember that while sacramental absolution is important, it is not the only way that God forgives sins.

    2. How far away is the church you attend? Is it too far to walk? Do you have any friends with whom might attend Mass and go to Confession?

    3. Would your parents take it badly if you called the parish and asked the pastor to talk with your parents about their obligations in your regard?

    Say your prayers and follow the Mass on television or on the computer when you are unable to physically attend. Live out your Catholic faith as a witness to family and friends. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless!

  21. Thank you. I generally do as you said in the morning….saying it silently or in a very low voice. My wife and I will say it vocally in the evening together. I appreciate your being able to clarify things for us. Thank you!

  22. I know we are to recite the Office and not do it mentally. But is it permissible if you do not recite it vocally as to not disturb others, as in the early morning hours while others in the house are sleeping?


    The Liturgy of the Hours is the public prayer of the Church. That which is “public” should by definition be primarily regarded as vocal prayer. The traditional rubric for the breviary stipulated that every word had to be formed by the lips, even if said silently or in a low voice. A mental reading was deemed insufficient to fulfill the clerical obligation. However, the current breviary does not make this demand and it is not an expressed element of formation for priests and religious. Thus, it seems to me that a silent reading without the movement of the lips would currently suffice for the discipline or obligation. When possible many priests and religious seek to say these prayers aloud with others or in community.

  23. Is masturbation still a sin if you don’t do it while thinking lustful thoughts? Say you just do it because it feels good–like scratching your back or getting a massage. Is it still bad?

    FATHER JOE: Male sexuality is not wired that way. You must know this. This sin is fueled by the imagination. The sexual organs were not intended by God to be reduced to a recreational toy.

  24. Hello Father,
    I was considering getting a tattoo of a cross as well as a bible excerpt done on my chest and was wondering what the Catholic Church’s views on tattoos were. Are tattoos sinful? I seek permission before deciding on my first tattoo, if allowed. Thank you for your time.


    This is a recycled response…

    My personal view is that tattoos mutilate the body; however, it appears that the Church’s Magisterium has no absolute prohibition against them. In any case, you should be cognizant of the following:

    Nothing should be done that harms the health or integrity of the body.

    While Leviticus 19:28 may be an antedated “subjective” ritualistic law, please note that certain Jews, Protestants and Catholics would cite it in opposition to tattoos.

    Tattoos should not celebrate the vulgar or violent or satanic.

    Laser and acid treatments to remove them are painful, expensive and leave scars. Tattoos should be regarded as permanent. Are you willing to mark your body with an image or message which one day may embarrass or trouble you? Note also that the body changes and skin stretches. Do you really want to live with a message or image on your skin? Will it affect friendships? Even if you want to express a religious message, do you really want to make your body into a billboard?

    What do tattoos say about the dignity of bodily persons?

    If the Lord is alive in our heart, mind and soul… then why do we need anything written upon the skin?

    But the decision is yours.

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