Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Anon, on August 11, 2018 at 9:08 pm said:

Hi,
When I was praying the Rosary, I realized that I didn’t quite understand what one of the lines in the prayer meant. I continued to pray because I didn’t want to interrupt the prayer. Does my prayer still count even though I was confused?

FATHER JOE: It still counts.
Dennis, on August 9, 2018 at 5:48 am said:

Hi Father,

The Pope has recently changed the Church’s teaching on capital punishment by banning it in all circumstances. Does this mean that it is now sinful for a Catholic to think that capital punishment is justifiable in certain circumstances , as I do? My opinion on the subject is no different than that stated by the Council of Trent.

FATHER JOE: It is an academic matter for most and still being debated. There is no sin… unless you are the state’s hired executioner, of course.
Rae, on August 9, 2018 at 12:06 am said:

Hi Father, often in hospice situations patients are ordered morphine to help with shortness of breath and pain. The other side to this is that the morphine will also slow their respiration. Therefore, when giving morphine to a hospice patient that is on their last breath and you know that this dose of morphine will cause them to pass away is this considered a sin? You are doing what is ordered by doctors but you know this dose is going to cause the respiration to stop. Please let me know.

FATHER JOE: It comes down to the overall intent. If one were to give morphine in a deliberate effort to kill someone, then that would be a sin. However, in hospice situations, morphine is often prescribed to deal with pain. The Church teaches that such use for pain is permissible for the dying, even though it may as a secondary effect, shorten life. No one wants to leave this world while screaming in agony.
Alyssa Steimann, on August 8, 2018 at 4:55 pm said:

Hi. I want to have a third child, and he went behind my back and got a vasectomy. He told me he was done. I was not. I want more kids! Do we end the relationship? We have our 2 together. Its ripping me apart. I could just settle with our lives, but i need some advice. My heart hurts and aches.
Thanks,
Alyssa

FATHER JOE: Are you married? The Church would prefer that husbands and wives remain together. This is especially important for children who have a right to have a mother and father in the home. You have every reason to be hurt. There was a betrayal of trust.
Lucia, on August 6, 2018 at 1:21 am said:

Hello Father, I have a somewhat sensitive issue. I suffer from Obsessive compulsive Disorder, and it has been keeping me from confession. I suffer from three different onset’s of the illness, but the worst ones are POCD and HOCD ( Harm), I’m scared of bringing these up to a priest, but I realize that I have to go to confession if I want to go to heaven. I’m just afraid for my family. I’m afraid the priest will be afraid, and that my family will suffer because of it. As a priest, what would you do if someone with POCD or Harm OCD cake to you? How could I explain these onset’s to you in a way that would not frighten you too much?

FATHER JOE: You still have a right to go to confession. Bring a family member to talk with the priest first… if that would help. Priests daily combat the devil, why would one be afraid of you?
eric, on August 5, 2018 at 2:49 pm said:

Dear Fr. Joe,
I enjoy reading… mainly history, fiction / some classics, etc… I purchase books for myself as well as receive them as gifts from family or friends (mainly family).
I’ve noticed that in some of these books, where notes or explanations are provided, there might be occasional jabs at the Catholic Church and/or misrepresentations of our doctrine/beliefs (Communion of Saints, Transubstantiation, Purgatory, etc…). When I come across such remarks I’m immediately disappointed. For every comment I either want to print out a corrective “bookmark” to stick in the book for the next reader, or I even consider giving the books away to a local bookstore. However, I enjoy the other content and information provided within the books and,… some of them have sentimental value since I’ve received them as a gift. Am I overreacting? Would you ignore the comments and enjoy the rest of the material? Do you own any books or movies that present such an issue?

As always, thank you Fr. Joe. God bless you.
Sincerely,
eric

FATHER JOE: Yes, you are overreacting. I own many books and even DVDs of films where I have disagreement. The truth has nothing to fear and we should not be easily offended.
peeptuisku, on August 4, 2018 at 12:46 pm said:

Hello Father?
What’s the right age for a child to start attending mass regularly (meaning feasts and every sunday or more)? Are there any church regulations about it?
My wife is not Catholic (told me once she’ll never be) and our son was baptised in the Church at the age of 4 months; now he’s 11 months old- not walking yet, but active. My wife attends mass with me rarely (twice a year maximum). I have taken my son (with every agreement and encouragement from my spouse) to mass few times. I received my drivers license year ago, so I’m bit scared of being alone with our baby in a car and thinking “what might happen if…?” I’ve been talking with my wife about the issue but usually she just remains silent and says that may be she should come with me… but then again it has not yet happened (after I started taking little munchkin to mass) and she usually sends us alone or she stays at home with the baby. Keeping child quiet during mass is of course another issue but we can handle that (although someone with me would be great help). She’s very sensitive about our child screaming in public places and has told me that she feels embarrased and may be that’s the case not so much the Church.
What would be the right and christian thing to do in such situation?
Is it ok to continue the way it is? Leave the door open for both and sometimes I’ll take the son with me.

FATHER JOE: It is okay to bring babies to Mass. However, there is nothing wrong with caring for them at home either. As they start walking it is good to get them into the habit of attending Mass with you. Certainly by five years of age they should be comfortable at Mass (although there is no early age rule). By first and second grade they should certainly attend with you each week. They have reached catechetical age and need religious instruction.
Nathan, on August 4, 2018 at 12:52 am said:

Hi Fr. Joe,
I had another question too. I know that salvation is a mystery and only God knows fully. But do you think God has mercy on those who have been abused, who have grown up with rough childhoods, who have been neglected, who have been surrounded by drug and alcohol abuse, etc, and who become products of their childhood? There are people who have been hurt by others, who never experience love, and who are never taught about faith, Jesus, or about God’s love. They often make bad choices in their lives because it’s all they have known and all they have been taught, really through no fault of their own. What happens when that person dies? This person would most certainly be in a state of mortal sin. Would that mean that he would end up in Hell even though he was a victim of his upbringing. Compare that to someone else has the benefit of growing up in a loving family, who takes him to church, who teaches him right from wrong, where he learns about faith, prayer, love, forgiveness, sins, Jesus, etc. Do you think the two are judged differently?
Thanks. Nate

FATHER JOE: While there is an objective right or wrong, the issue of culpability is somewhat subjective. Can you be judged for what you did not know? God knows us better than we know ourselves. His judgment, is as you say, a profound mystery. He is also the Divine Mercy, a truth too often eclipsed when speaking about commandments or rules. I would not be surprised if the most important factors should be our own willingness to forgive wrongs committed against us and the presence of a real and sacrificial charity in our lives.
peeptuisku, on August 3, 2018 at 4:44 am said:

Hello, Father!
It’s a sin to lie. Is it ok to lie to satan? Trying to trick him? For example: I’ll watch porn tomorrow, not today, but actually intending to keep away from such material completely? Same with other sinful habits like liying etc.

FATHER JOE: You cannot lie to the devil, just to yourself.
Nathan, on August 1, 2018 at 10:01 pm said:

Hi Fr. Joe,
Do you think God judges us according to our age? When I was younger, I didn’t always make good decisions. I would tell my parents I went to Mass when I didn’t, I thought church was boring and would often not pay attention, I didn’t really pray much, and I did some other things I know did not please God. But now, years later, I continue to grow in my faith (praise God), and I understand a lot more too.

My Grandfather is a very holy man. He has been the one to pray for me, to teach me, and to guide me. He goes to Mass everyday and prays for everyone and everything I think. But, he told me that when he was growing up, he got into a lot of trouble and never went to church. I can’t imagine this really because of how he is now. But, my question is, some of us have the benefit of living a long life which allows more time to grow in virtue, faith, and love of God’s ways. If I had died suddenly in my teens, I probably would not have had much of a chance to make it into Heaven. Even now I’m not so sure since I still have work to do. But at least I’m closer now. It sounds as though it would have been the same story for my grandfather if he had died in his teens, but now, I can’t imagine that God won’t welcome him with open arms when the time comes. So, do you think someone who dies young, God takes into account their age and the amount of time they’ve had to mature and grow when there is judgement?
Thanks Fr. Joe, Nate

FATHER JOE: I would suspect that God takes into consideration one’s level of maturity which is different from the factor of age. Afterall, we have a number of children listed among the great saints.
Talei, on August 1, 2018 at 5:52 am said:

Hello Father,

Is it a mortal sin for a Catholic to convert to another faith?

FATHER JOE: Of course, the denial of the true faith is a grievous sin. How could it not be?
jeremy, on July 30, 2018 at 9:24 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe, I would like to ask for an explanation about the sixth trumpet from the Book of Revelation especially where it talks about the riders with breastplates of fire, sapphire and sulphur.

FATHER JOE: I think I told you before that I am not a professional exegete on the Book of Revelation. Look up the footnote in the New American Bible. Peace! Be careful to avoid religious obsession.
Ann, on July 30, 2018 at 5:41 pm said:

Two weeks ago, I started dating a “Cradle Catholic.” I can see the good in him, but he stepped away from the Church two years ago. He has gone back to Mass since we have started dating; but after each Mass, I like to have discussions about what I just absorbed. Normally, I go to Mass with my mother and we have amazing conversations and grow in our faith together. However, over the past two weeks, the conversations with this young man I am dating have all been full of negativity. I am defending my faith after each Mass.

This past Sunday’s Mass, I was tempted to tell him not to join me; but I felt that was wrong so I just did not ask him. Nevertheless, he joined me and another strong disagreement took place after Mass.

I have now been a Catholic for a little over two years since completing my local RCIA program. I have been trying my best to surround myself with people of the faith. Is this going too far to date a Catholic that has not only stepped away from the faith but is still very negative about the Church? I do not know where to draw a line in what I can see in the young man’s heart versus the shield he puts up to the world.

FATHER JOE:

There are a number of factors here about which I do not know that make an assessment difficult. If the negativity is damaging to your own faith then I would suggest breaking off the relationship. Dating for the serious Catholic is really courtship and do you really want a man who is antagonistic toward the faith as the spiritual head of your home? But it is also possible, if you are strong enough, that you may be an occasion of grace and conversion in his life. Unmentioned here are the parameters of his grievances with the Church and the cause for his negativity and defection. Is it a crisis of faith or did someone in the Church do something that hurt him and damaged his Catholicity? Usually when people put up walls it is because someone has attacked or wounded them. Do you know what constitutes the root of his discontent?

It seems that he only goes to Mass because he likes being around you. Let him know that you are flattered, but that his negativity is difficult for you. It may be that you will not be able to have the talks after Mass to which you are accustomed; at least not until he resolves his resentments to the Church and the meaning of her liturgy. There is a difference between a discussion and a debate. Maybe you could take some control of the conversation? Could you ask, “What positive message or themes can you draw from today’s homily?” “How does the Scripture or the Gospel speak to certain realities or truths in your life?” The relationship is still in its infancy. If, however, it should prove lasting, then you might have to ask, “Can you really love me if the Catholic faith is an essential element in my life and sense of identity?”
Luke, on July 29, 2018 at 6:43 pm said:

Hello, Father assuming the requirements are met for the mortal sin, would it be one if someone were to think internally that someone was lazy but not tell anyone one that or talk bad on that person? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: The assumption cannot be made. Where is the grievous matter?
Luke, on July 27, 2018 at 1:00 am said:

Is it a mortal sin for a Catholic to say “Yahweh”?

FATHER JOE: No.
Victor, on July 26, 2018 at 2:29 am said:

I had a terrifying nightmare which I don’t know what to make of and I am still scared.

I checked, out of sinful curiosity, a site about the theory of reincarnation. It featured “cases” of customers remembering in detail their previous existence.

I had a dream that night. I saw myself different and I was led to believe(I don’t understand how) that I “was” a girl about which I instantly knew a few things: That her name was Alya, she lived in Baghdad a thousand years ago, and she died by drowning in a well.

I saw her in a mirror, her face superimposed over mine. She was dressed as Muslim women do, except her clothes were blue, not black.

I felt fear and saw that her eyes were fully black, no pupils, like in horror movies. I instantly knew and felt this was a demon I saw. Not ,,me”, or a ,,past personality”, a true evil entity. A devil.

She appeared then before me, like a ghost, that was her look then.

What should I make of this nightmare? How did I know so many details? Is it just a random freak dream I can safely ignore, and that’s it, or there is more to it?

FATHER JOE: I suspect it is just a bad dream. What kind of movies and TV shows do you watch?
Chris, on July 25, 2018 at 10:26 am said:

Helo Fr.I have a question.Does the student that take Master of theological studies,M.T.S or Master of Divinity,M.Div(from university catholic non pontifical) learn about same area or same subject (exp. Theology and philosophy) as student that takes S.T.M,master of sacred theology(from university pontifical)? Is it true that student takes M.T.S or M.Div need to get the qualification from vatican?

FATHER JOE:

American Breakdown = M.A. (some students get a M.Div.), Ph.D.

The American B.A. (A.B.) is given for undergrad courses. The Church degrees are given for graduate level courses and is not equivalent. Where we offer two degrees, the Vatican offers three.

Ecclesial Breakdown = S.T.B., S.T.L., S.T.D.

The M.A. can be acquired from a university in two years and the Ph.D. requires two more years (at least).

The S.T.B. requires three years, the S.T.L two years more, and the S.T.D. may require two or three more years (given language requirements).

One is required to have a proficient reading knowledge of Latin, Greek, English, French and German.
Nicholas, on July 25, 2018 at 12:27 am said:

I have been struggling from doubts since 6th grade and I’m about to be in 10th. I have doubted everything from God’s existence, Jesus being the son of God, and most recently my salvation. It seems just as I get closer to Jesus my doubts increase tenfold. I know it’s coming from Satan but I just can’t shake them. I’ve prayed and cried out to God but he hasn’t completely gotten rid of them. Sometimes I still doubt Jesus. I don’t know if they are coming from myself or if they are coming from Satan to make me think I’m not saved. I’m just so confused. I am just lost. I feel like I’m drowning. I hope God may speak through you so he may give me everlasting strength. Please help me.

FATHER JOE:

You make no mention of what factors in your life fuel your disbelief and anguish of spirit. It is true that today the proponents of atheism are more vocal, even missionary-like or combative in sharing their message. They tend to emphasize empirical science and yet there are many famous scientists who are also people of faith. There is an emerging secular culture that makes man the measure of all things and pursues either pleasure or earthly distraction from the ultimate questions of meaning or purpose. We experience saturation from this font in the media and in the exploitation of human sexuality. Faith traditionally found its support in a basic awe to the immense scope of creation. It was regarded as foolish to imagine that the vast variety of life and the very laws of nature emerged from the empty void. Further, an introspection of the human person also discovered mystery that cried out for an intelligent source— we are not only aware but self-aware. This quality of the soul as self-reflective was often regarded as a proof to the immateriality of the human soul— that we are more than thinking and talking meat.

I should add that we were made for God and many by grace have a powerful sense of God’s reality and of their personal and corporate relationship with the living Christ. This is not a delusion or a myth embraced by weak minds. What are the factors that have closed you to this sense or intuition toward the divine? Do you feed your faith with prayer and writings of faith that enlighten the mind and heart? Are the people with whom you associate believers or scoffers of the truth? Ultimately, one is faced with two visions of reality. One says that we live in a universe that has no ultimate meaning and which cares nothing about what happens to us. According to this view, we live in vain and all that we are and know will return to oblivion. The other says that there is a Creator God that knows us better than we know ourselves. While he possesses all perfections and is existence itself, he cares about us and in his love wants us to know him and to abide with him forever. One path leads to despair and the other to an abiding hope.
Rae, on July 24, 2018 at 9:11 pm said:

Hi, Father. I am getting married soon and my fiancé does not have a great job. He works as a cashier in a grocery store. My fiancé said he used to want to be a priest before we meant but now that he is with me he cannot. I feel like I am stopping him from doing what he truly wants to do. I tell him how I feel but he says he loves me and wants to marry me. We are getting married in November and I am starting to get worried. I don’t know how we would be able to support a family. I really want kids and so does he but I don’t think we can do it on our current salary. I have a pretty good job but he does not. It is hard to find a job for him because he has no skills and he doesn’t ever want to work on a Sunday because he saves sundays for God. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get him motivated to get a better job or go back to school? Or do you have any ideas on what job may be good for him? He loves religion and everything about it.

FATHER JOE: Jobs in religion require more education and that too demands money. Bring this matter up with the local priest. If your boyfriend is not prepared to work hard and to provide for a family then he is not ready to get married. A man does what he has to do to provide for his wife and children. That is what real love is about.
Diana, on July 23, 2018 at 10:50 pm said:

I have a friend who is soon to get married. He is 32 and his partner is 47. She is a divorcee with a 24-year-old son. She separated from her husband long back, more than 10 years ago because she had some issues with her mother in law. Her husband re-married many years back. I wanted to know if this marriage will be right in the eyes of our Lord? As I was reading the scriptures in the bible, about divorce and adultery. Can you please provide me with some insight on this?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: The Catholic understanding of our Lord (in Matthew) is that marriage is until “death do you part.” Unless there are grounds for an annulment, the woman is still married to her first husband, even if he has attempted a second marriage. That would invalidate any further attempts to marry on her part. This is precisely the link between divorce and adultery discussed by our Lord.
Natalie Khoury, on July 21, 2018 at 3:30 pm said:

Hello Father,

I have had quite the journey thus far in my walk wth Christ. As a synopsis, I was born and raised devout Roman Catholic, then converted to Protestantism for about 3-4 years… now I am at the point where I have been fervently looking into church history and am convinced that Protestantism is completely man-made and therefore it comes down to Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy. I’m leanin toward Eastern Orthodoxy but I’m still not 100% sure. There seems to be many similarities in the two churches, especially the eastern rite Catholic Churches that are under submission to the pope of Rome, as they have the same liturgy and set up as the Eastern Orthodox. I guess what I’m asking is, how are we to know which church split off of whom? And if the eastern rite Catholic Churches are the same as Eastern Orthodox (minus the fact that they have a picture of the pope and say his name in the liturgy), why is Rome so different? Which one is the right one? Both sides say they were the original. I’m just confused! Thank you in advance and have a blessed day 🙂

FATHER JOE: The pedigree of Catholicism comes down to the charge given Peter and the fact that both Peter and Paul were martyred in Rome. The capital of the old empire became the seat for the Christian Church. The Eastern churches in the early days submitted to the Pope in Rome. The division with the East had to do with language (Greek over Latin), distances, and the eventual movement of the emperor to Constantinople. The Orthodox churches have tended to be national churches while Roman Catholicism always saw itself as both one and universal. Some Eastern rite churches never left unity with Rome. Several others returned to this unity. While Catholicism admits that the Orthodox churches are true churches; their identity as “church” is defective because they do not acknowledge the full authority of the See of Peter. Many of the accidentals of liturgy, chant and custom vary between the traditions of faith.
Rae, on July 21, 2018 at 2:51 am said:

Is getting a tattoo a sin? If you have a tattoo have you sinned? If the tattoo is a religious tattoo is that okay to get?

FATHER JOE:

This is a recycled response…

FATHER JOE:

My personal view is that tattoos mutilate the body; however, it appears that the Church’s Magisterium has no absolute prohibition against them. In any case, you should be cognizant of the following:

Nothing should be done that harms the health or integrity of the body.

While Leviticus 19:28 may be an antedated “subjective” ritualistic law, please note that certain Jews, Protestants and Catholics would cite it in opposition to tattoos.

Tattoos should not celebrate the vulgar or violent or satanic.

Laser and acid treatments to remove them are painful, expensive and leave scars. Tattoos should be regarded as permanent. Are you willing to mark your body with an image or message which one day may embarrass or trouble you? Note also that the body changes and skin stretches. Do you really want to live with a message or image on your skin? Will it affect friendships? Even if you want to express a religious message, do you really want to make your body into a billboard?

What do tattoos say about the dignity of bodily persons?

If the Lord is alive in our heart, mind and soul… then why do we need anything written upon the skin?

But the decision is yours.
Rae, on July 21, 2018 at 2:30 am said:

Hi Father, my boyfriend and I have had premarital sex since we started dating 8 years ago. Recently my boyfriend said he does not want to have sex again until we are married. We are getting married in November. I know it is a sin to have sex outside of marriage but if we are planning on getting married why is it so bad? I am very frustrated that he will not have sex with me now. I am not worried about getting pregnant because I want children and my fiancé also wants children, so therefore I don’t really see why it is a big deal.

Thank you for everything.

FATHER JOE:

I will make the presumption that your betrothed is a Catholic or Christian young man. He would be the better one to ask about reasons, but I can suggest a few.

First, while the two of you had relations over the last eight years, he wrongly regarded it as recreational, not giving the activity or the relationship the gravity it should have had. But you are not a plaything. You are the woman he loves.

Second, he may have matured as to the meaning of sexual intimacy and now wants to refrain until marriage out of a profound respect for you as a person and a desire to take marital relations seriously.

According to Gallup, couples that live together and/or have premarital relations have a higher divorce rate than those who wait until marriage. I suspect that God spiritually protects and consecrates those who respect his laws about marriage and acknowledge the dignity of persons. Further, couples that refrain from sexual intercourse during courtship show that they have the strength of will to endure other challenges and temptations once married.

Finally, maybe he simply wants to start off right and have a home where Christ is the third to get married, the meaning of the three rings we sometimes see in pictures. You both may want children; could it be that he also wants it to be a Christian home? I would suggest, especially when tempted to have sex, that the two of you begin a pattern of praying together. Gallup polls showed that praying married couples had less than a 2% divorce rate. Families that pray together, stay together. Once married and blessed with children, you would have a habit of prayer into which you can invite your little ones. You and your boyfriend are called to be helpmates in holiness. Remember God and he will remember you with his graces.

Make this a special time to nurture your relationship with God and your friendship with each other. As a married couple there will be plenty of time for sexual intimacy and passion; right now foster your relationship as best friends called to be of one mind and heart with each other and Christ. Many blessings!
Lynne, on July 20, 2018 at 5:55 pm said:

I am familiar with wanting to avoid cooperation in sin – but I have a question regarding financial decisions with my credit union or other investments. The institution probably loans out money to people who use it for immoral purposes, such as a home loan where 2 unmarried people are living together.

Can I have my money in this institution, no matter the rate of interest I am receiving? Do any other factors affect the morality of this?

Am I wrong by benefiting by receiving interest that could come back from someone’s loan repayment that might have been immoral/does this mean that double effect (if needed) is not there? Thanks for clearing up my confusion about what is morally required of me!!

FATHER JOE: There are organizations like the Knights of Columbus that are very careful about their financial investments. As for such matters as credit cards or even banks, you have no say over the investments made. Remote cooperation would strip away culpability.
Rae, on July 20, 2018 at 1:04 am said:

I have a question about masturbation. I understand why if a male masturbates it is a sin. Why is it a sin for a female to masturbate? She is not “wasting” anything and is basically just doing it for the feeling. Why is it a sin then? Also, if someone master bates and does not have lustful thoughts then why is it a sin?

FATHER JOE:

The universal catechism states [2352] “By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. ‘Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.’ ‘The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.’ For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of ‘the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved’” (CDF, Persona humana 9).

This sin is serious for both men and women and the reason becomes evident when we look at the overall meaning and purpose of the sexual faculties. The sexual powers are naturally directed outward to another or to a beloved. They are to further intimate fidelity between a man and woman where the two become one flesh (see Genesis 2:24 and later our Lord’s words about marriage). Further, these powers are intended to be creative. Masturbation is inward looking and signifies self-absorption. It is sterile and not fruitful.

It is only within marriage that the sexual powers find their true purpose. Note St. Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians (chapter 5) and how the union of husband and wife is expressive of Christ’s relationship with his bride, the Church. Masturbation is a detour away from this person to person relationship. Self-gratification side-steps the marital union and violates the meaning of the human sexual powers. Indeed, the addictive nature of masturbation can become a hindrance to healthy sexual intimacy between husbands and wives, impeding maturation. It short-circuits both physical and spiritual purity.