Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

AJ, on July 7, 2016 at 10:03 pm said:

Father Joe, If someone confessed to murder in the confessional, do you not report it to the police?

FATHER JOE: No. The priest can repeat nothing he hears in Confession. It is under the seal.
Heather, on July 6, 2016 at 7:06 pm said:

Does baptism wash away all of your sins and if not can you confess any sins you may have made before you were baptised

I wanted to confess that I used to self mastrubate. Not with other people just me I don’t know how to word it and is that considered a moral sin? Or a venial sin? I never knew it was a sin and I wasn’t baptized or part of a church at that time, so if anyone has had to confess this, can you please tell me how I can remove this sin. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Baptism washes away both original sin and ALL personal sin.
Diane Rit, on July 6, 2016 at 6:24 pm said:

I am in a predicament with my husband. We bought a house with a small apartment with my in-laws 32 years ago. My in-laws retired and moved out and we bought them out. Rather than having an empty apartment, we have let friends and our adult children live their for minimal rent. We have never reported this on our income taxes and it is causing me a lot of anxiety. My husband refuses to report this income even though I express my feelings. WHAT IS MY MORALE OBLIGATION IN THIS SITUATION? I know I am legally I responsible should we get audited. What, if anything, can I do so I don’t feel so guilty and anxious about this situation? I am getting panic attacks about it. I have an anxiety disorder for which I am medication. My husband refuses to budge and if has been the source of many fights. Thank you for your advice.

FATHER JOE: What more can you do? Was there a formal contract? If your husband has taken responsibility for it then the burden is his. You have spoken your mind. What happens… happens.
Paulie, on July 2, 2016 at 1:12 am said:

Father Joe,

This may be an odd story here. So I enjoy a good game of Poker. Now when it comes to playing Poker for the cash games and tournaments… To make this very clear, I NEVER ask for prayers for luck in Poker or help in the game. That kind of behavior poisons the beauty of the Lord and all those in Heaven. Would it be considered appropriate if I did Poker in the name of the Lord and His mother? And if not, then under what circumstances would it be appropriate? I want to bring some faith in the games I play, get some pros, beginners, etc. with Christ.

Thank you,

Paulie

FATHER JOE: I would not associate prayer with gambling.. unless you want to pray for honesty or that the poor will not gamble away the baby’s milk money.
what's up, on July 1, 2016 at 11:54 pm said:

what would happen if a priest gave an exorcism to someone who is not possessed? will they still turn inside out?

FATHER JOE: No one turns inside out.
Greg, on July 1, 2016 at 7:59 pm said:

I was curious if there was a patron saint of lost souls? Or lost causes? If so, could you please give me some information as to their origin?

FATHER JOE: “Most holy Apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of difficult cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone. Intercede with God for me that He bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (make your request here) and that I may praise God with you and all the saints forever. I promise, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor granted me by God and to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you. Amen.”
Greg, on July 1, 2016 at 12:22 pm said:

Just want to thank you for your time to answer my question. I think I should have proof read it before I sent it. It was a little hard to understand. However you did give me some insight on the issue. I think I understood it as the Pharisees added to the letter and it was burdensome. Jesus and his church, with its customs and traditions, are to help us spiritual and bring us closer to God. If this is correct please let me know, thank you so much, God bless.
Greg, on June 29, 2016 at 7:29 pm said:

I’m having a difficult time understanding the difference between why Jesus didn’t tolerate all the rules and customs of the religious leaders and the all the extra teachings and customs of the church. It seems to be the same thing to me. Can you clear this up for me. Many thanks and God bless

FATHER JOE: I am not sure what you are saying. He challenged the Jewish leadership to emphasize the spirit of the law over the letter. This did not mean leniency. His prohibition against divorce raised the bar on family and morality. Indeed, he said that just to hate your brother would make you guilty of violating the commandment against murder.
A., on June 29, 2016 at 3:20 am said:

Dear Father, a relative of mine had, for years, caused profound anguish to the family, mostly by repeatedly asking the others in the family to help them financially. This got the others into some serious heartbreak and problems, and was very hard for me to witness through the years because I knew how it hurt the others (and me, too). Each time, I tried, begged, pled, cried to the others to not get involved, but because they loved this person, they gave in, thinking that they might help. In the worst of times, years ago, I and this person had terrible exchanges, especially in our youth. We called each other dreadful names. I, in my fear, anger, and foolishness, tried to “get through” to the person by saying things that would hurt them. I was, in turn, hurt deeply by the other’s words and attitude. When things got seriously troubling, scary, and sad in this situation, I would confide to trusted friends and another relative, describing how bad the situation was, telling them the details of this issues, and asking them to pray for the family. My heart hurt so much from this person’s actions! And I knew the others were suffering, too. Praise God, that was years ago. Today, that person, having gone through many valleys and losses, is a truly changed person. The old behavior has passed and we are actually becoming close! Lately, I’ve been preparing to apologize to this family member for hurting them through my past words and attitude. But my puzzle is this: should I also confess that in years past, I shared the details of the situation with trusted friends and another relative, and that I asked them to pray for this person’s change? Do you think it is necessary to confess that to this person, as well? Thank you Father. I, an Evangelical, have come to you, via this blog, several other times and am so thankful for your godly wisdom.

FATHER JOE: Share it with God but regarding this person leave well enough alone. Let it stay in the past.
Michael, on June 28, 2016 at 12:56 am said:

So I just graduated and I want to be a priest all my life but I don’t know if I can because I’m gay

FATHER JOE: I do not know what to say. You would have to talk with your local vocations director. Men studying to be priests are called seminarians. You may be looking at eight more years of education or formation. Priests must promise obedience to the bishop and perpetual celibacy… no sex of any kind.
Aaron, on June 25, 2016 at 1:57 am said:

Are musterbating bad because of being afraid of prostate cancer

FATHER JOE: Committing this sin is no guarantee that you can avoid cancer. In any case, it invites cancer of the soul. Do not be manipulated by fear.
Al, on June 24, 2016 at 5:25 pm said:

Dear father Joe,
Just a quick thank you for taking the time to help all of us. God bless.
Al
Dorothy Sears, on June 24, 2016 at 12:47 pm said:

Father Joe: the newly ordained (1 Yr) priest at our parish strays from some of the Mass as I have known it First he does not combine water with the wine (I’m told he does it in the sacristy before Mass). Second when he does the thanking for the gifts we have to offer, he holds both bread and wine up at the same time and for the amount of time he elevates them he could not possibly be saying both thanksgivings. Third: After Eucharist, he does not purify the vessels or drink any left over Blood of Christ, he leaves it for the Extraordinary minister to do after Mass is over. I approached him after Mass with the third question, showing him a copy of the US must observe the General Law on purifying the Sacred Vessels letter declining the request to extend the indult that permitted the practice of the Extraordinary Minister purifying the Sacred Vessels by the US Bishops. He told me that it was up to the Bishop of each Diocese to decide what to follow. I told him that it was addressed to all the Bishops of the US. Also, he said because we have three chalices (both species are offered at daily Mass. He does all these things by protocol at Sunday Masses. Are the practices different for Sunday? I don’t need to be right, but as an Extraordinary Minister, I don’t want to be wrong. I would appreciate your clarification of these three things, as it distracts me at daily Mass. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I do not know of any bishops who have explicitly assumed the authority to rewrite the GIRM or to change the Mass rubrics. The young priest is wrong to change the order and the exercise of certain parts of the Mass. The purification of the vessels (particularly the chalice) belongs to the priest or deacon. It does not belong to the EMOHC. He can opt to purify auxiliary vessels immediately after Mass if there are time restraints. Is there an issue with an excess of precious blood? I know certain priests are worried about the accidental property of alcohol and its effects. Some of us are concerned about germs (especially during flue season) and the extended use of the chalice.
Stephen Brace, OFS, on June 23, 2016 at 12:56 am said:

Dear Fr. Joe, I would like know where I can go to inquire about unknown Franciscan Blesseds and Saints. I have a Manual of the Third Order of St. Francis and there are several names such as B. Dominic of St Francis, Conf. 3rd Order. It is my sincere hope to conduct a monthly exercise of giving scripture and the name of saint for those willing in my local fraternity to pray to these as patrons between our gatherings. I feel there are many Saints and Blesseds who in one century or location that are unknown or forgetten in other locations and different eras.
My main question is more about leading me in the right direction. Certainly there must be archives about these people’s lives. Is there an office at the Vatican that has these names of saints and stories of their lives or is there a ministry that would be devoted to keeping an expanded list of saints? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: The manual used the term BLESSED rather loosely and not all the personages were actually beatified or canonized. I often use Butler’s Lives of the Saints (the old edition) but many of the names in the manual like B. Dominic of St Francis, Conf. 3rd Order will not be found there. There might be a list in Latin or Spanish somewhere with more details, but I would be hard-pressed to give you a source for their biographies in any language. Sorry. As to your proposed activity, you may find it too hard or impossible to do. However, I would like to see it if possible. Peace!
Anonymous, on June 23, 2016 at 12:54 am said:

Father,

With Pope Francis’s recent comments on marriage validity, I have been worried about the state of my own marriage. Though we were married in the church, my spouse has been unfaithful through Internet porn, phone calls, and online chats. He says he took his vows seriously, but has been doing this our entire relationship (dating, engagement, marriage). I didn’t know until after we were married. We have experienced several horrible tragedies in a short time, and I can’t help but wonder if we are being punished because we’re not supposed to be married for some reason. Presently he is considering leaving me because our marriage to date has had so many hardships. What do you think?

FATHER JOE: I think you should both get counseling and do all you can to make your marriage work. You should regard it as valid and permanent. “For better or for worse.”
anonymous, on June 21, 2016 at 9:52 pm said:

Hello Father,
What is the best way to read the Bible? Should we just start at the beginning and read through? Are there parts we should read before other parts? How much time is a good amount of time a day to read the Bible?
I recently saw a program on EWTN mentioning the importance of reading the Bible daily. I would like to do this, but I would appreciate any advice you might have on how practically to approach this worthy deed.
Thanks and God bless.

FATHER JOE: I would suggest starting with the Gospels and later moving to the Old Testament. Pursue a deepening relationship with Jesus Christ. Much else will flow from that. You could also follow the daily Mass readings.
Ruth, on June 21, 2016 at 5:24 am said:

Hello father,

Our pope francis has said that a couple that decides to live together without getting married must be encouraged and that they receive the same grace of the sacrament of matrimony and most of the marriages that have taken place over time are invalid. Do you agree with this? I’m totally confused. It all seems like a good joke.

FATHER JOE: Give me an exact quote for this with citation.
Ana, on June 20, 2016 at 3:38 am said:

Happy Father’s Day, Fr. Joe,

I wanted to ask something that’s been a growing problem for me. Money has been so much on my mind since I’ve been on my own, and now it’s even more, living alone with no roommates. I’d even have this sense that the daily grind is all there is, and it’s been very much hurting my prayer life. I’ll be starting a second job soon to make the bills, and I’m worried that this mindset is going to worsen. What can I do to prevent that? Both jobs are close to my parish, so I had the idea of making a short visit the hour between the jobs, but will this be enough?

Thanks as always,
-Ana

FATHER JOE: If the church is open then a visit is always nice. I am not sure what your jobs are. Some people find that thy can make an offering of their daily labor as an oblation to God, especial the tedious elements.
Michelle, on June 20, 2016 at 12:58 am said:

Hello. I have been married and divorced twice. My first marriage produced a child and was annulled. The second marriage was not conducted in the church. We were married by a justice of the peace and have no children together.

Can I receive communion? If not, what do I have to do to be able to?

FATHER JOE: I would say that you should go to Confession and then there would be nothing preventing you from taking the sacrament.
Stacy, on June 17, 2016 at 3:52 am said:

Dear Father,

I am a 37 year old practicing Catholic and attended a wonderful Women’s Retreat last month. While there, I took the opportunity of praying in the chapel and asking God’s forgiveness specifically for praying for reconciliation with a past boyfriend from 8 years ago who visited my country for work and left and will never return but who I continue to think about and love deeply after all this time. I have written to this ex off and on over the course of the eight years but he never responded to those letters but reached out to me in a small, vague way last year on Skype. On the Retreat, I spent a long time in the chapel saying sorry to God for wanting and praying for reunification when it was clearly not God’s plan for us and to give up and embrace singlehood or marriage – whatever He has planned for me – even if it with someone else. I prayed and prayed for God to just help me walk along the right path, to open my eyes to new things and new people. I spoke to Blessed Mother Mary about how much I wanted to forget him, to give up on him, to find my real Joseph, and left the chapel feeling invigorated, like I could accomplish this.

After chapel, I immediately went to the kitchen area to get the name of a book and the author that us ladies had taken turns reading aloud to each other during mealtime in order to purchase my personal copy. But when I saw the first name of the author (No Longer a Stray by Father Terry Deffenbaugh), I felt somewhat deflated as it was also the first name of the ex-boyfriend I had just prayed to stop wanting reconciliation with. I did not speak about it during Spiritual Direction/Confession with the attending priest as I felt too numb and totally resigned to my situation. Now that I have had some time to process in the weeks after, I want to ask if this is something I should take to heart as a sign from God. I cannot discount that it happened in a very reverent place but I feel that taking on signs is wrong in some way and also can let me down and I don’t want to make my heart sore and yearn again for someone I could never have, especially as I am getting older. After 5 years of being single, I dated someone after Terry left my country but that ended two years ago due to a drug problem with the last ex. I have been single ever since and I have admitted to myself that I have thought of marriage and a family only with Terry. However, I have kept my word from chapel and have not prayed for reconciliation with him.

Can you offer any insight?

Stacy

FATHER JOE: We can dream so much about things unrealized that we never wake up to live in the present. It is past time to wake up.
lauren, on June 17, 2016 at 1:45 am said:

I am wondering if it is a sin to attend a concert on Sunday, as the concert obviously requires people to work and the entertainers and others are earning money on it. It would also require quite a bit of driving on the part of myself and friends who are attending. Given that Sunday is a day of rest, I want to do the right thing. Thanks!

FATHER JOE: The relaxation of body and mind for one often requires work for another. The catechism would remind us that such things should not get in the way of Mass. My church even has an annual Sunday concert by the local choral society. While I cannot speak to the content of the concert, your transportation to and your enjoyment of the concert should not be a grave issue.
sarahwallenfang, on June 17, 2016 at 1:28 am said:

Hello, Father. I know may never get an answer on this as I’m sure you have so many to go through… but I thought I’d try anyway! I am absolutely certain I have found my life partner in the man I am currently dating. I have never felt so loved, supported, encouraged, secure ad happy than I have with him. He is divorced but that never bothered me. He is civil with his ex wife because they had a daughter shortly before they divorced (married only a couple years), so there has never been any issue there. Until a few weeks ago when I heard another coworker talking about how her brother couldn’t get remarried in the Catholic Church because his annulment didn’t get approved. Never before then did it occur to me that that was an issue and now I am heartbroken. My boyfriend and I have talked extensively about getting married and I know he is planning on proposing sometime in the next month (my sister isn’t good at keeping secrets) and I would like to get married next year… but am so afraid about how we’ll plan a wedding venue not knowing if his annulment will go through. I want to get married in the Church… but I want to be married to him more. Am I horrible person for marrying him even if we can’t have a Catholic ceremony?

FATHER JOE:

Dear Sarah,

I suspect that the divorce did not bother you because there is much you never learned or that you forgot about the sacrament of marriage. It is clear from Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew that marriages are indissoluble, lasting until the death of a spouse. The only exception is when they are invalid and unlawful. This latter element is what the marriage tribunals seek to discern in the annulment process. Marrying a divorced person should be worrisome because (until proven otherwise) you would be committing adultery… redirecting his duties to you while stripping his wife (divorced or not) of her nuptial rights. I cannot say if you would be a horrible person if you married him out of the Church; however, a Church marriage is more than a ceremony— it is the only way for a Catholic to know true marriage in the eyes of God. The moral matter here is serious, that of mortal sin. Would you have a civil magistrate baptize your children? Would you go to the mayor for Holy Communion? No, then why would you presume that you can receive the sacrament of Marriage from a notary or judge?

We live in a world of broken hearts. We cannot have everything and everyone we want in our lives. But at this stage, there may still be an opportunity to explore. Is the man Catholic? Was his first wife? If either of these is so and they were not married in the Church, a simple declaration of nullity would do. If he is not Catholic and such can also be said for his first wife, then the laws of the Church would not apply to the initial bond. Married before a minister or a judge and the Church would regard them as married. If the first bond seems externally lawful, then he would have to apply for a formal annulment. That requires a deposition and essay. He would need to start on that right away. Copies of any baptismal certificates, marriage licenses and divorce decrees would have to be procured. You can talk to your local priest for help. The process is now free but it can take a year or more for a verdict. No priest can schedule a Church wedding until an annulment declares him free to witness your marriage.
Alice, on June 16, 2016 at 8:03 pm said:

No question at this time Father. Just found your blog and wanted to say thank you for how kind, and detailed you are responding to those in need of spiritual direction. You are a wonderful Priest.
Stu, on June 16, 2016 at 3:15 pm said:

Fr. Joe,

My wife and I are going on an Alaskan Cruise and are concerned with missing Sunday Mass. Can we be excused since Mass is not available? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Yes, but you should still follow along with the readings. Also, some of the cruise lines provide priests and Mass. Check on it. Peace!
Shelby, on June 16, 2016 at 11:05 am said:

Hi Father Joe
My sister now wants to re-establish our “relationship” as siblings after being broken for the past 6 years. I refused to. She asked me to do it for my mom. I reply what I really feels about that: “I don’t have any hard feelings for you and I wish you the best, but I can’t do that. Every time I did that for my mom, I always ended up being screwed”
My sister and I never had a healthy relationship. I felt that I never had a truly sister since the beginning. She has hurt my feelings so many times in the past and I was ended up pretending that nothing happened because I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings.
My questions are, I’m I doing good by keeping her away from me and my family to protect ourselves? Is my honest forgiveness enough? I’m I obligate to re-establish a broken relationship and being humiliated by her treatment to me? Do I have to do it?

Ps I’m an adult and I live in another country with my partner and our kids. She lives in the same country as my mom. My mom already have 67 years old.
I would appreciate any truthful Catholic Religion advice. Thanks

FATHER JOE: Our faith has a preference for forgiveness and reconciliation. Verbal forgiveness can be very shallow. True mercy entails love and a restored relationship. However, there are details not shared. What was the form of humiliation? Is this an appeal that emerges from genuine contrition or are there other reasons that might be hurtful to you and your family? You will have to gauge where things stand on the basis of your past relationship and feelings. Life is short. How would you feel if your sister and mother pass and there still remains this breach?