Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

sindy616p, on March 1, 2016 at 10:32 pm said:

hi father,
is it sinfull to try to guess someones life and who they are by the way they look? is it similar to fortune telling?

FATHER JOE: No, it is not fortune telling, but I doubt it would be accurate either. Why do it?
John Allen, on March 1, 2016 at 4:57 am said:

Fr. Joe,
Mother Angelica and the late Fr. Benedict Groechel had both stated that they sincerely believed that after one dies, he or she has a very brief window in which they can tell God they are sorry for their sins. This would subsequently result in their soul being saved versus going to Hell had they lived a sinful life and had not repented prior to their death. With God being such a loving and merciful Father, this would make a lot of sense to me. Do u think this could be correct, or is our fate sealed once we breathe our last breath? Thanks, john

FATHER JOE: I am not familiar with the view with which you credit Mother Angelica and the late Fr. Groeschel. It my depend upon what definition we give to death and when the soul leaves the body. Just because someone’s heart stops does not mean he is truly dead, resuscitation proves this. Indeed, even the notion of brain-death, which permits organ transplants may not mean that the person is dead in a metaphysical sense. The brain is just an important organ. That is why a few have proposed putrification as the one assurance of death. Various Catholic theologians and philosophers have suggested that the soul departs the body between an hour and three hours after physical death. However, this is mere conjecture. It might be immediate. If there is still any opportunity to express sorrow for sin, I would suspect it is during this interim. The Church teaches that at death (real death) our orientation (or fundamental option) is set. It is too late to change. If you die with a mortal sin on your soul then you will suffer hell for all eternity. If we possess sanctifying grace, then we will go to heaven… although bad habits, venial sin and temporal punishment due to sin may require us to pass through purgatory.
Chuck, on March 1, 2016 at 3:05 am said:

My lady has many man friends on Facebook, should i be ok with that?

FATHER JOE: There are friends and then there are FRIENDS. There is a difference. We all know both men and women. Our associations should neither breed jealousy nor harm fidelity. Talk to your “lady.” She may want to know what sort of women friends you have on your Facebook. Peace!
Roy, on February 29, 2016 at 9:32 pm said:

Dear Father Joe: regarding my previous comment on Trump and the pope , I had been very uneasy a week before the popes comments regarding the Trump canadacy. About 3 days before I dreamed of working with trump on a bridge, in which there was a missing tool(no kidding). I agree that Trump’s name calling (and bullying) are not a good example for emulation. Thank you for the time, and Christly direction.
Olga Krepczyk, on February 29, 2016 at 4:47 pm said:

Am I committing a sin by not saying the Stations of the Cross. I was brought up in (Eastern Byzantine Rite) and we never said Stations of the Cross.

If I started now, I would not know what prayers to say at each Station. Would the following prayers such as Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be said at each Station?

Your advice would be welcome.

FATHER JOE:

The Stations of the Cross is one of my favorite prayers; however, failure to say it is not a sin. I would suggest learning it as it is a meditation upon Christ’s road to Calvary. In any case, the main requirement is that we be a prayerful people.

http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/prayers-and-devotions/stations-of-the-cross/
Greg, on February 29, 2016 at 11:53 am said:

Hello Father

Recently I have befriended a member of a religious order. Since reading about his order, I have come to really admire it; I love what this order does, its history, and what it stands for. I would love to have a crucifix or a similar item blessed by members of this order, but I’m not sure how I should inquire about such a thing. Is requesting blessed items from religious orders a thing that people normally do? And if so, how should I write to this order to ask about this?

Thanks for the help
– Greg

FATHER JOE: “Ask and you shall receive.” You might have to purchase an item and have them bless it… but that is something priests do all the time.
Ruth, on February 29, 2016 at 9:29 am said:

FATHER JOE: If he acts like a saint in front of you, then how do you know he has a dirty mind?

Father my friend who happens to be his partner at a project told me about everything he said. ..the way he thinks about women…as sexual objects. ..the things he speaks about his very own wife..and now he is trying to get close to me. I’m worried. How do I deal with such a maniac?

FATHER JOE: You know he is married. And I take it that you are in control of your behavior, right? Then I would not worry about it. Further, you only know by way of gossip that this man has a serious struggle with purity. There is no sign he is a “maniac.” You are wrong here on many levels. Probably all men struggle with certain stray thoughts and their physicality, but what flashes through the mind is different from what we decide to act upon.
Jane, on February 29, 2016 at 1:39 am said:

Hello Fr. Joe,

The priest doing my wedding preparation told me that if I refuse to bear children to my spouse, they have the right to divorce me after a reasonable time.

On that course of thought, I am concerned: if my spouse got a surrogate without my consent and produced a child with them, is that not cheating? My betrothed told me that they would not consider it cheating to have a child(or children) with someone else if there is not intimate contact. I do not see how having children with someone else is Not cheating regardless of method, but they are Catholic, so I thought I should ask you.

FATHER JOE:

You ask several questions that are not clearly related.

The priest probably meant to say that if you deliberately refuse to give him children then he has grounds for an annulment. I would be even harsher. If you absolutely oppose being the mother of his children then you should not be permitted to marry in the Church. What you want is NOT Christian marriage.

Mistresses (sexual intimacy) and/or surrogacy (technological intervention) would still constitute adultery. If you refuse intimate contact during marriage then his only recourse is abstinence. Anything else is cheating.

If what you describe is how the two of you think, then you are not ready for the sacrament.
Vince, on February 28, 2016 at 7:50 pm said:

My girlfriend and I are over 65 and are wondering if we as Catholics, can experiment sexually. Our spouses passed away many years ago, and if we get married she would lose many benefits from her husbands estate. We have different opinions and would like some help in resolving this dilemma. Thank You.

FATHER JOE: I can appreciate your dilemma. Many older couples (widows and widowers) who are alone face the same problem. They are lonely and have a special friend but are fearful of financial penalties if they get married. But the only answer I can give is that sexual intimacy belongs to the covenant of marriage. Please know that we have a merciful God and the Church is generous with the sacrament of Penance. Forgiveness is never far away and we have an understanding God.
fmg, on February 28, 2016 at 6:05 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,
Thanks for your blog and ministry. God bless you.
If you please let me suggest to Ruth that in addition to father’s suggestion. Sometimes too much stress,anxiety or depression can lead to reduced hygiene and cleanliness.
Take care of yourself and if need be seek counselling and maybe treatment.
God bless you.
Ruth, on February 28, 2016 at 9:57 am said:

Hello father

Is being dirty..messy or unhygienic a sin?

FATHER JOE: Not taking care of ourselves can be sinful. “Cleanliness is next to godliness.”
Matteo, on February 27, 2016 at 10:56 pm said:

Dear Father,

English is not my first language, so excuse the mistakes I might make.

I find it difficult to reconcile in my mind the fact that God cannot be harmed and the fact that sins offend God. I know I’m not the first to underline this difficulty; in Latin “offendere” means “to offend” too, but it means more strictly “to injure” or “to damage”. Awere of this, Thomas Aquinas wrote that sin is a “virtual offense” to God.

I’m not searching for a philosophical disquisition; I just want to understand how to conceive in my mind the infinite badness of mortal sin due to the offense made against God, since this offense seems to actually change nothing, and so it seems victimless. I believe this issue is very important, since it is linked to perfect contrition.

When it comes to how to nourish perfect contrition, I try to kindle in myself a deep gratitude towards Our Lord Jesus Christ. Is it the same?

FATHER JOE:

God as a perfect and omnipotent spirit cannot be harmed. This is correct. However, he can be offended by sin in other ways. First, the name and honor of God can be profaned. When a person’s honor is harmed, there must be appropriate satisfaction (St. Anselm). However, while this might readily be remedied with human persons, how does one go about healing an offense against an infinite and all powerful deity? The obligation to make amends is ours but the cost of the indignity is infinite. That is why it required Jesus as both human and a divine Person to make an oblation of propitiation. As a man he could make the offering as one of us; as God he had the power and authority to do so. Second, our sins dishonor God and are culpable for the passion and death of Jesus. Just as God’s grace is not restricted to time and place; our sins also reach through the centuries and around the globe to touch Jesus on Calvary. While Jesus suffers and dies, once and for all, our sins target the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Spiritually speaking, the nails of the Cross have our names upon them. Instead of convicting and damning us, our Lord forgives us.

The victim is the scourged and crucified Christ. The murderers are not just the Romans or the Jews but YOU and ME. The Council of Trent taught that Jesus is crucified and murdered by the accumulative sins of all mankind throughout all human history.

Imperfect contrition is the result of a fear toward the pains of hell and the loss of heaven.

Perfect contrition signifies a sorrow in love, knowing how our sins have afflicted our Lord in his Paschal Mystery. We love Jesus and are pained by what our sins accomplished and how we have displeased him.
Alex, on February 27, 2016 at 9:42 pm said:

Hi Father, I’m curious about Kim’s question too. Do you know at all what the Cardinal’s reasoning was? When I married my wife (in PA), the priest told us to bring the license or we “would all end up in the pokey”….he said they had trouble before, and the explanation that they were performing only a religious ceremony was not accepted; not sure what the problem was.

FATHER JOE: The priest generally functions both as a minister of the Church and as a civil magistrate. The priest is obliged to send the license information to the court after he witnesses the union. There is a substantial fine if he fails to de so. He cannot send a notice to the court if there is no license. A con-validation of a strictly civil marriage requires that a copy of the earlier civil license go into the parish marriage file. As a rule, we do not marry people unless those marriages are also recognized by the state. The Church follows the law in whatever state where it finds itself.
Helen Herbst, on February 27, 2016 at 7:18 pm said:

Please help me . . .I know what constitutes mortal sin . . . gravity, full knowledge, and deliberate participation. When it comes to abortion, I have met all 3 requirements . . .the sin is grave, I know it is wrong, and as a taxpayer, I am caught in the evil web of continually supporting the abortion mills. I am so depressed over this . . .the whole thing seems hopeless. How can I ever hope in the Resurrection when there does not seem to be any way out of this mess? People tell me I am being extreme, but no one can tell me I am wrong. What can I do to return to grace?

FATHER JOE: There are many qualifiers here like proximity and degree of agency. Refusal to pay all taxes would also shortchange many need civil projects and hurt the innocent. We should all want to play a fair part. The Church opposes anarchy and urges people to obey and respect the legitimate authority of government over us. We must further the social order. It is unfortunate that some of the funds will go to projects about which we disagree (problematical family planning programs, nuclear weapons, etc.) but there is still an obligation to pay taxes to a lawfully elected government. However, at the same time we should influence legislators and vote (within the democratic framework) to enact change and to promote our views.
Ruth, on February 27, 2016 at 3:57 pm said:

Hello father

A small confusion..Jesus said love everyone including your enemies. How do i deal with a person who happens to be a colleague at work or a neighbour who i know has a dirty mind? Who thinks filthy things about women but acts like a saint in front of me. And the fact that he has a horrible way of thinking is for sure.

I feel so annoyed that I ignore the person even if he is talking to me.

FATHER JOE: If he acts like a saint in front of you, then how do you know he has a dirty mind?
ulife, on February 27, 2016 at 2:55 pm said:

Dear Father,

I am a student in my 20s, still in college, and working part-time jobs. My parents have provided me with enough money for living expenses, but one parent is gently demanding that I put aside my salary from my part-time jobs for them. They are still working themselves and they have enough income to get by, so the money they ask from me, they will be using for leisurely purposes. I am really confused on what to do because they are my parents and they have raised me up till now, but I also feel quite annoyed that they are demanding to get a part of my meagre salary as a part-timer. Can you please give me a biblical/religious insight on what to do here. Thank you and God bless you.

FATHER JOE: The faith would urge respect and care for one another. There needs to be a family discussion about needs, priorities and dreams. You are an adult and so the three of you should discuss matters as such. Let them know about your plans. Find out from them if there is a financial crisis about which you do not know. Everyone should be mature and understanding about this.
Sweet angela, on February 27, 2016 at 6:52 am said:

Father
How do I deal with a person who im actually fond of but who avoids me all the time coz he/she knows the fact that he/she is my favourite and is either irritated shy or embarrassed i don’t know what…it bothers me…it makes me feel I have done something wrong.

FATHER JOE: It is a fact of life that certain people we really care about do not share the same feelings for us. Pursuing them can put what friendship and goodwill (there is) at stake. Sometimes you have to let people go. There might also be people who you really do not like, but they seek friendship with you. Our response as Christians is to try and love people who are hard to love or who annoy us. But you cannot force this noble response from others.
Judith A. Bagley, on February 27, 2016 at 2:49 am said:

Good Evening Father:
I have a serious problem. A major riff has developed between our pastor’s administrator assistant (2nd in command) and my husband. Our pastor is Latino and he was brought over to the US by this persons mother also Latino. Our pastor wants nothing to do with the running of the parish except what he has to do. Leo makes most of the decisions. Between his mother and him they really run the church. Father doesn’t or won’t see how this is affecting our church. We have lost most of our Anglo parishioners. I want to move to another church, I don’t want to be involved in this hate filled war mongering any longer. My husband says “I have attended this church for 36 years I plan on being buried from here.” Since we go together to Mass I want to know if it is better to stay with him or go myself to another church so I can be “fed”, find peace and grow in love. I do not believe I can find this at my old parish. My biggest fear is if my husband who is 70 and Irish is if he dies I am almost sure they will do something terrible at the funeral Mass. I no longer trust the priest or Leo. I could sure use some advise from a neutral party who is also a priest. Sincerely Judy

FATHER JOE: I am trying to get my head around your comment. My initial presumption was that you were Catholic, but assignments in the Church have nothing to do with parishioners, their mothers or anyone else of the sort. While the Episcopal churches still work through a trustee system, Catholic priests are strictly assigned by the Ordinary (Bishop) with advice from his Personnel Board. Catholic priests who are made pastors cannot brush aside their canonical authority to others, especially not to a layperson. If the Diocese has earmarked the Parish for Hispanic or Latino ministry, then the Anglos and the new people will have to learn to get along or people will need to explore other churches for their worship and pastoral care. The pattern for grievances is clear… you appeal to the Pastor and then to another priest (even in a neighboring parish) and then to the Bishop. The Bishop may follow up with arbitration. You are essentially saying here that the Pastor is not fulfilling his required duties. But is it possible that he is doing precisely what he was placed there to do? Might what is going on actually reflect his decisions and not “Leo and his mother”?
kim wentx, on February 25, 2016 at 8:36 am said:

A Catholic man and woman in their early 60s, both free to marry in.the Church with grown children and grandchildren: For certain financial and legal reasons this couple prefer not.to get married civilly. Since the Sacrament of Marriage is given.to each other freely with the priest witnessing and blessing ,why at this late time in this couples life must they married civilly? Each ones business affairs are in order separately and agreed upon by the adult children of each party. How or can we get married sacramentally. ks

FATHER JOE: You make accurate distinctions. I cannot speak for every place. As a priest of the Archdiocese of Washington, the Archbishop will not allow his priests to witness marriages that have no civil standing. Because of insurance and medical needs, a priest-friend many years ago tried to get permission to do such a marriage. The Cardinal flatly refused. Once she was civilly married, the young woman would no longer be eligible for her father’s medical plan. She had serious medical issues which required expensive treatments.
Ed, on February 25, 2016 at 1:12 am said:

Hello Father,

I recently signed up on a free Christian dating site called “cmatch.com” It has given me a chance to connect with Catholics and Christians in general throughout the world.

A few days ago a lady that I’ve been talking to mentioned to me that she was divorced years ago. I asked her why her profile says that she is single (never married). She said something to the effect that she didn’t really consider herself to be married in this first marriage. I also think she said something like that it didn’t last very long and was something she didn’t like to think about. I think I remember her mentioning that she was married in a civil ceremony. I don’t know if she is Catholic.

As someone who is trying live a good Catholic life myself, is this something I am required to mention to the website administration? I have a tendency to be scrupulous at times and I’m not sure what the right thing to do here is. Any advice you could give me would be appreciated.

Thanks and God bless,
Ed

FATHER JOE: Catholics would need a declaration of nullity or a declaration of nullity because of a lack of canonical form before getting married (again). The problem with dating is that they may not be free. That means a romantic relationship crosses over into the area of adultery. I would say that such is worth mentioning.
Amanda, on February 24, 2016 at 9:12 pm said:

Is it wrong to feel sympathy for the devil? By that I mean feel bad for his plight?

FATHER JOE: The devil is a tragic figure but he is what he chose to be. Sympathy for the devil might equate to taking his side against God. I would urge against this.
Bill Uttrich, on February 24, 2016 at 4:06 am said:

Dear Father,
As a current RCIA candidate I’m having a difficult time with the discipline of prayer. While I’ve carved out time during my day to pray, I’m wondering if I’m doing enough. As I go through my day I find I have many private conversations with God, that sound like prayer, but lack the outward signs like kneeling, the sign of the cross, the folding of hands, the closing “Amen”. I start and end the day with an “Our Father”, I silently Give thanks before a meal, I practice the creed, and the confietor to be able to recite them without aid. Does prayer need to be “more” formal, or am I on the right path? Should my prayers be more of a “request” for something, or should they be more of a “thank you” for God being in my life? Do I need to be more vocal, or do the silent “conversations” count? Bottom line: Am I on the right path, or am I missing the point? Thank you for giving me the opportunity to seek greater understanding on your wonderful Blog.

Bill

FATHER JOE: Prayer is many things. There is formal (words given to us and ritual, like the Mass and Breviary) and informal (our own conversation with God). Prayer is both corporate and personal. Prayer is love-talk with God, genuine communication. We speak and we listen. It is not a soliloquy or self-deception. We offer prayers of praise or adoration… just for God being God. We offer orations of thankfulness or gratitude… for the gifts God has given us. We give voice to our needs in petition or supplication… for God hears us and knows what we need. We approach God with contrite hearts, expressing genuine sorrow for sin… for we have a God who forgives and heals. We render prayers of humble submission or surrender… for we belong to God and are dependent upon him… only God can save us, propitiation is made or satisfaction for sin by the sacrifice or oblation of Christ. We beseech the Holy Spirit to grant us faith and to pray within us.
sindy616p, on February 24, 2016 at 3:07 am said:

Hi father,
what do you think about exorcism? I know that in church not all priests agree about it,some say that the devil can possess a person some don’t really agree with it and say that if a person can study work talk with others he’s not possessed or don’t believe in possessions at all. what do you think?

FATHER JOE: Spiritual evil or demons can have obsessive and possessive influence over people. Indeed, persons, places or things can be touched by the demonic. The devil is real. We battle with the seen and unseen, with powers and principalities.
Freya, on February 23, 2016 at 8:33 am said:

Hey! My dream is to be a fashion designer and I was wondering, is it a sin? A fashion designer’s job is all about outer appearance through clothes. I won’t ever hold it above inner beauty but it is all about style which is outer.

FATHER JOE: There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being a fashion designer.
halowearersblog, on February 23, 2016 at 1:17 am said:

Dear Father,

i have a question about psychological enneagram tests

my friend sent me this article from Women of Grace http://www.womenofgrace.com/blog/?p=100

however i can’t help but feel the one my sister showed me a long time ago and that i still use and recommend today is somehow different from what the article describes. http://www.9types.com/rheti/index.php all the other enneagram sites had a weird star chart but this one didn’t and this one also uses different names for the types than the other sites use. not to mention it describes me (1-wing-2) so well that i don’t doubt that my results are true.

i also wonder whether that which is presented in the Women of Grace article is official Church teaching or just opinion.

this question is really important to me because i find this site extremely handy and helpful and yet i would not want to be sinning or associating myself with the occult by using and promoting this personality test.

thank you and God bless!

FATHER JOE: While it might be controversial, I would agree with the negative assessment of enneagrams on the Women of Grace site. It is New Age superstition with roots in the occult, posturing as pseudo-science. I would place no faith in it.