Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Bill Uttrich, on December 9, 2015 at 12:13 am said:

I am currently going through the RCIA process. I have been married for 34-years to a caring wife that was born and raised catholic. I am unfortunately her second husband. Her first marriage had ended in divorce (they were not married in the catholic church) with two children. My wife and I met after her first marriage ended, and I assumed responsibility for the raising of her two children from that marriage when we were married outside of the church. We went on to have two additional children and enjoyed a very prosperous and happy life. Several years after our marriage the first husband died in an accident at work and I became the only father for the two original children. As our life progressed, our children have gone forth, married, had children of their own, and have been truly blessed. now we may have a problem. My wife feels that there should no reason for an annulment from her first marriage, since it was outside of the church, and that he has been gone for more than 20+ years. I am of the understanding that I can not complete my RCIA journey through the Sacraments to receive communion without her obtaining an annulment and remarrying within the church. What are my options? Should I continue the process? If she fails to change her stance, how far can I go?

FATHER JOE: Given that her first (civil) marriage was outside the Church, she did not need an annulment, just a quick declaration of nullity because of a lack of canonical form. However, he is dead and that makes everything mute because even genuine marriages end with the death of a spouse. She is free to marry you in the Church (convalidation) right now! There is nothing stopping you from finishing RCIA and becoming a Catholic. I have had similar cases, even one where I received the person into the Church and married the couple all at the same Mass. Convalidation “marriages” require some preparation and paperwork for the records, and may include a crowd or just the couple, two witnesses and a priest. Again, NO ANNULMENT NEEDED in her case. Congratulations!
Jennifer Hughes, on December 7, 2015 at 1:56 pm said:

Dear Father,
My brother, who is Catholic, has been dating his girlfriend for about 18 months, he knows she is keen to marry (she is non-Catholic). Theirs is a complicated situation however, his girlfriend has severe scoliosis and had her spine pinned two years ago. The operation was successful but she is still in pain and has to take painkillers daily. She has been told that if she wanted to get pregnant she would have to stop taking the painkillers. Though she may be able to get pregnant, I don’t think she could cope without the painkillers and actually carrying the baby would almost certainly make her scoliosis worse. My brother is not as well versed in church teaching as me and I am concerned that if they always avoided pregnancy, even if they used NFP, that the church might not be able to marry them as they wouldn’t be able to say they were open to children. Please could you clarify the church teaching on this. I would say her condition was serious and though she might not die during pregnancy, I don’t think it is a risk which she or my brother would want to take. If they were open to adopting would this help their position? I worry what they would do if she did become pregnant as clearly abortion wouldn’t be an option.

Thank you for your guidance.

FATHER JOE:

I had a situation some years ago where I refused to witness a marriage. The afflicted woman would have to go off her anti-psychotic drugs to have a healthy pregnancy. This she could not do because the medication was all that prevented self-destructive delusion and madness. She found someone else to marry them and she spent nine months screaming and tied to a bed. Her husband ran away and we never saw him again.

My poor mother has the ailment of spinal scoliosis and she is bent over today (lost a foot of height) and is in a wheelchair. She used to wear a titanium brace but the stress broke it. After her childbearing years, she endured a morphine pump in her stomach to deal with the tremendous pain. I have also known people who opted to have pins or rods inserted into the spine. A young girl in my youth group years ago had two telescoping rods to straighten her posture while allowing her to gain some residual height. I knew a religious sister who was given the option of one of two types of rods in her back for stability: an “I” rod or “L” rod. The doctor told her that the straight “I” rod would allow her to stand and walk. However, she would never be able to sit down or bend. The “L” rod would allow her to sit but she would never walk again. She opted for the straight “I” rod so that she could still walk and use the blackboard as a teacher. At night her fellow sisters would lower her body flat upon a bed. There was great pain, but she made the best of a bad situation. Both of these friends faced their troubles with courage.

I suspect any good priest would talk with the couple about the particular challenges they will face. Many types of medication can complicate the pregnancy process. While they should be given the facts, ultimately they would have to make the decision (with the counsel of a priest and doctor) as to how to proceed. If there is a reasonable chance that the lady could bear the pain or that there might be alternative treatments to help alleviate her suffering, then the Church would assist them in getting married.
The Manang, on December 6, 2015 at 5:55 pm said:

I have a question, Father Joe.

Am I obligated to forgive a person who does not even acknowledge that she did me wrong?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: “What would Jesus do?” Our Lord forgave us from the Cross. We should likewise extend or make the offer of forgiveness, even if people are blind to their sinfulness or ill-disposed for grace. The offer of mercy sometimes changes or softens hearts of stone.
Janet, on December 6, 2015 at 8:29 am said:

Hi Father

Ten years ago our son married a girl from a different Christian Faith. He no longer is a practising Catholic, however they go to a Christian church, but I have forgotten the denomination (it’s a faith where they don’t place so much emphasis on the Virgin Mary.)

Our son and two grandchildren will be visiting us and they will be coming with us to Mass. My question is whether our son can receive Holy Communion.

FATHER JOE: The answer is NO. Missing Mass on Sunday is the “matter” of mortal sin. I cannot speak to your son’s subjective status, but attending a non-Catholic church would not maintain him in the proper status to receive the Eucharist. He can and should come to Mass with you, but he should not receive Holy Communion. The resolution of his irregular status would be as follows: confession, marriage in the Catholic Church, formation of his children in the faith, weekly Sunday Mass participation and the invitation to his wife to join the Catholic Church.
Sarah, on December 5, 2015 at 8:53 pm said:

Q: I read an article online, saying the Vatican just arrested five people for leaking and publishing confidential Vatican documents. Lots of anti-Catholic comments were posted under the article, asking why the Pope arrests leakers but not pedophile priests? I wanted to defend the Church but I didn’t know what to say. Can you explain?

FATHER JOE: I have not followed the story closely and so I can offer only a general response. First, it was not the Church (as such) that arrested them as it was the Vatican political state. These were employees of the Vatican government and they may have even been extended dual citizenship as are her official diplomats. Second, while the Church can censure in faith the immoral actions of certain priests and others, they are neither citizens nor employees of the Vatican state. It would make no sense for the Vatican to attempt to arrest priests who have no formal relationship to the Vatican state and are citizens of the US or England or France or where ever.
Marie, on December 5, 2015 at 6:16 pm said:

Hello Father!

I am coming to you today because I am away from home for school and therefore cannot go to my parish priest for advice.
I have been dating for almost half a year and for the most part, things are great. I can really see myself spending the rest of my life with him. The only problem is that he has fallen away from the Catholic faith. He was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school through high school and now we are in our third year at college. He is technically Catholic as he has received the sacraments and attends mass with his family on Christmas and Easter only. But since high school, he has had “disagreements” with Catholic teachings and therefore does not practice the faith any longer. My faith is very important to me. I have been Catholic my whole life and try my hardest to attend mass every weekend and live my life the way I know Christ wants me too, but I know I do not always succeed. I feel so sad sometimes that my boyfriend is disconnected from the faith because it is so important to me. I pray for him every day to find his way back. Neither of us bring up the subject very often because he talks about the things he thinks the church is wrong about, which upsets me, or I talk about how important it is to me, and he brushes it off. Can you please lend me some advice of how I can perhaps help him find the faith again? I truly love him and want the best for him. I know he would not have a problem or thow a fit if I asked him to attend mass with me or anything, I just know he is so set in stone in his opinion of not agreeing with the church. Any advice? P.S.: sorry this is kind of long, I just needed to get it off my chest!

FATHER JOE:

First, you have to accept the possibility that his rejection of the faith will make a continuation of your romantic relationship and/or marriage difficult— possibly even impossible. Constant hostility to the faith and dissent can weaken over time your own fidelity.

Second, if he would not allow any subsequent children to be baptized and raised in the faith, then it is doubtful a priest would witness the marriage. We are dealing here, not simply with someone who is indifferent to the Catholic faith, but critical of it. He might go through the motions of faith at Christmas and Easter to satisfy parents and family; but I suspect such hypocrisy will end when he has his own home and family.

You may pray for him, but not knowing what his particular issues are with the Church, I am at a loss to tell you what to say to him. If you are pained now, think how a lifetime might be where you worship alone and must face a constant barrage of hostility toward the faith. Indeed, the faith is a part of you. It is rough enough to marry someone who does not share your faith; it is far worse to marry someone who is antithetical to it.

I knew one man who really hated the Church. Eventually that hate spread to his feelings about his wife because she was so attached to the Church. It was a part of her identity. Are you both on the same page about human sexuality and openness to the generation of human life? Can he truly be your helpmate with growing in holiness? Would your home truly be “a little church” where faith would be shared with children and where they would learn their prayers? I should add that I have known men and women who attended Mass during betrothal to appease a potential spouse; only to have them stop altogether (despite pleading) after the wedding. You must consider all these questions beyond the immediacy of the moment. Honest dialogue is essential. Given that you are young, focus on the possible dynamics of a relationship that will take you 50 and 60 years into the future and to the grave. Can this man truly be the spiritual head of your home?

I have said some hard things. But the prospect of marriage should include serious reflection. I know you love him. But more is required than romantic love… to make a marriage work… to truly remain happy.
Stephen Anderson, on December 5, 2015 at 4:31 pm said:

Dear Father,

I was wondering if you may be able to help me. I have a very close friend who is wanting to have a baby on her own. To offer some context, she has been blind since birth and is not a religious person. She is wanting to intentionally become a single mother through fertility treatment. As someone with autism who cannot cope with anything that is too curveball, this is unbelievably hard for me to embrace and to accept. I have not known whether to stand by her despite my profound disagreement or to run a mile as I cannot get to grips with it in my head. She is a lovely person but I think her decision is deeply misguided. From my upbringing within the Roman Catholic Church I have, by definition, looked at single mothers, especially those who rely heavily on the state to bail them out, with total disdain if they have actively made such a choice (widows etc are exempt from that). I must be completely honest, this has really tested my faith because I simply don’t know what to do. In addition, I have been guilty of making some very hurtful statements to her about her decision a) in the hope she changes her mind and b) by the sheer fact I can’t fatherm why someone would want to have a child outside of marriage when they can barely do anything for themselves as it is, let alone actively deny any child a dad. In short, Father, what do I do? Of course we as friends won’t agree but what is the best thing to do? What would Jesus say to me? What would the church say to me?

Many thanks in advance,
Stephen Anderson. Hereford, United Kingdom.

FATHER JOE: I have a dear friend who adopted a child as a single mother. She had the friends and means to make it work. My issue here is more with the process that your friend has chosen. Getting pregnant outside of marriage is a sin. Artificial insemination makes a man a father who will never see or know his child. IVF not only avoids the marital act but has human embryos fertilized outside the womb. Some are implanted, others frozen and still others immediately destroyed (akin to abortion). There is no way to make this right, either inside or outside of marriage. It is immoral. The mother would have to come to terms with what she has done. What would I recommend? Continue to be her friend but let her know that you morally object and that you will have nothing to do with her decision. If she should have a child, treat the baby with love and respect. The sin would belong to the mother. The child is innocent.
aidan, on December 4, 2015 at 9:40 pm said:

Hi Fr.
My brother in law is getting married soon and wants me to be witness at his civil ceremony. He is atheist and has 3 very young (and beautiful) kids for his partner (one which I am Godfather to) and I am a practising Catholic. Is there any reason why I should not agree to be witness? I don’t agree with them getting married outside the church but I don’t wish to offend him, or upset my wife either. Is there anything in Church teaching that prohibits me from being witness? God bless.

FATHER JOE: There are details missing. Was he ever Catholic? I take it for granted that your sister is a Catholic. Am I right that he refuses to marry before a priest? Is she desperate to get married, given that they already have three children? It is hard to tell you what to do. Pragmatically, a legal bond would be a layer of security for her and the children which they currently lack. However, it will not be a sacrament or a bond immediately recognized by the Church. After such a marriage, the Catholic party might be able to get a SANATIO IN RADICE from the Church. This would juridically declare an invalid marriage as valid. Suggest that she talk to a priest about it. There is no Church law that says you (as a lay person) cannot attend their civil marriage ceremony. (A priest would be prevented as a guest because he always represents the Church, in or out of his clerical garb.) Acting as a witness is somewhat more problematical but in a sense all who attend are witnesses of some sort. With that guidance you will have to make a decision in conscience. Given influence from Pope Francis, some might only see a minor or remote participation as a means of leaving windows open for conversion or at least a recognized marriage in the future. Speaking for myself, if I were a lay person, I could not in good faith take part. As a priest, the decision is made for me. But you need to make up your own mind and will have to be comfortable with the decision. Peace!
chinonye, on December 4, 2015 at 2:45 pm said:

Hello Fr.
I was hoping to hear your thoughts on the question I’m about to ask. I have a friend, a male friend actually who indicated his interest for a romantic relationship with me. I only wanted us to be platonic friends. He would call me sweetheart, baby etc. I expressed my discomfort with those words, explaining to him that such words were reserved for people who were in love and I wasn’t in love with him.
He said he understood but said my line of thinking was childish, I expressed my hurt over his blunt words but he insisted on his right and even made taunting jokes about the situation, saying “I know you re so mad at me, just let it all out”.
I forgave him and life went on as usual. Another time I posted a picture on my blackberry phone and he commented” nice cleavage”. Again I expressed my discomfort with the statement and he insisted on his right again, saying that all this talk of modesty is just nonsense, that so long as he had a clean mind, modesty can jump out the window”. Again he made taunting jokes about the situation. Before all this, I had gone to visit him in his apartment, and after a few pleasantries, he started to caress my face without warning, saying my cheeks were warm.
What do you think about the whole situation with this guy? My sisters say I didn’t like him because we re the same temperament. Sure we are the same temperament but does that mean I have to tolerate everything someone of my temperament does so I don’t become hypocritical?? I don’t want to be a self hating person. I mistakenly deleted his contact from my phone due to a misunderstanding, and he expressed his hurt to me, and I know he’s right, but do you think I should be friends with someone like him?. What do you think? I apologise if the post is too long. Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Badgering someone with unwanted romantic or sexual advances would be today probably regarded as sexual harassment. There are legal and employment consequences for such acts in the United States and probably elsewhere. Such approaches will make even a platonic friendship impossible.
James, on December 3, 2015 at 11:03 pm said:

Is it a mortal or genial sin to lie. Can I still go to Communion?

FATHER JOE: Depending upon the gravity and the awareness of the subject, it can be either. A good Act of Contrition would usually suffice for the sacrament when it comes to such a sin.
Al, on December 3, 2015 at 4:12 am said:

Dear father,
Without getting into too much detail and to keep it simple; my fiancé and my sister are in a fight and hurtful things were said by both of them and both sides want me to choose them over the other. I have a childbout of wedlock with my fiancé (and would gladly seek lords forgiveness on that sin). I want peace for my son and don’t want to be pulled into drama but now it looks like I’m unwilling to stand up for my partner, which is not the case. I am a peacemaker and just want my family to be big and blessed. Any feedback or even acknowledgment and prayer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you father for this ministry. Bless you

FATHER JOE:

Given that you have a child with your fiancé, and you are both free to marry, there is an imperative to work on that relationship.

Unless there are serious problems not mentioned here, your sister should either support your little family or she should step aside.
Olivia M. Obringer, on December 3, 2015 at 3:55 am said:

I’m Catholic and pro-life, obviously, and someone recently asked me how abortion is considered murder but taking someone off life support isn’t. They said that the baby doesn’t have brain waves until 8 wks, and if a person is “brain dead”, they too don’t have brain waves, so it’s the same thing. So if a person who has 2 collapsed lungs and is breathing with help and will never recover is then taken off the breathing support, how is that not murder, but abortion is? Even when both humans have no brain waves?

Idk how to reply to them.

FATHER JOE:

The Church states that death is when the body and soul are separated. The soul becomes a ghost and the body becomes a corpse. We are promised a new life in Christ.

Actually brain waves have been detected for the unborn at day 40. That is before most abortions. The Church does not absolutely equate brain death with true death. I knew a child who was born only with a brain stem and she lived eight months!

Abortion often targets a child who would come to term and have a life. As for adults, the Church does not require every extraordinary means to keep them alive. This is because death becomes inevitable, whatever we do. However, the Church insists that where possible (without too great a detriment, i.e. agony or pain), that hydration and nutrition should be offered.

If nature takes its course with an unborn child then a baby will be born. If nature takes its course with a grievously sick or injured person, they will die. This is an important difference.

The brain is an organ but the living body is YOU. Some ethicists insist that true identifiable death is at putrification. However, such insistence would adversely affect organ donation. It is a matter of some contention.
valkyriekerry, on December 3, 2015 at 3:35 am said:

I’m really down. I live in rural mayo in Ireland a Catholic parish. I have epilepsy and bipolar. I am a peaceful person, but sometimes my epilepsy causes violence. Sometimes I have seizures but other times everything goes black and I lash out. This happened two weeks ago. I blacked out and hit my husband in public. I don’t recall it but the whole parish are talking and it’s not pleasant. They don’t understand epilepsy however much I try to explain it. The rumours are contorting to become more spiteful. These parishioners profess to be Catholic this behaviour seems cruel. I’m really down and at the same time I feel guilty but I have no control. My epilepsy and bipolar are caused by damage to the brain

FATHER JOE: What is important is that you are doing all you can to deal with the condition and to sustain a good relationship with your husband. You can’t help what others think… but the two of you need both understanding and compassion. Peace!
Diana Strauss, on December 2, 2015 at 9:07 pm said:

Hello, I don’t know if this is of interest to any of your other readers but I am very impressed. Three cheers – and ‘thank you’ to Pope Francis!

Roman Catholic Church Marks 50 Years Since
Renunciation of Anti-Semitism as Official Church Policy
It now has been 50 years since the Roman Catholic Church issued the “Nostra Aetate” declaration, which officially ended well over 1000 years of Jew-hatred and persecution as official church policy. Pope Francis held a meeting with members of the World Jewish Congress and other Jewish leaders in the Vatican on October 28 to mark the 50th anniversary of the declaration.
During the meeting the Pope denounced anti-Semitism and attacks on Israel, which he said are also a form of anti-Semitism.
Pope Francis was quoted as saying: “To attack Jews is anti-Semitism and an outright attack on the State of Israel is also anti-Semitism. There may be disagreements between governments on political issues but the State of Israel has every right to exist in safety and prosperity.”
Dominique, on December 1, 2015 at 7:50 pm said:

Hi Father,

Thank you for your earlier reply.
I agree that love cannot be taken as a quantitative measure.

But in light of Catholic faith, is it at least correct to say that when I am in heaven, I will love each and every other member of heaven with the whole of my heart?

Sounds like a silly question but thank you for being patient with me.

FATHER JOE: Again you will love God and he will love you. Love of others will be found in that.
Dominique, on December 1, 2015 at 1:35 am said:

Hi Father,

I know that in heaven, God will be our primary focus.

But what about all other members of heaven?
In heaven, will I have “more special relationship” with those whom I have known during my Earthy life, compared to the relationship that I will be having with the members whom I haven’t known while on Earth, in terms of the depth and intimacy of the relationship?

Or will every relationship that I will have in heaven be equally deep and intimate “at the same level”, doesn’t matter whether I have known the person while I lived on Earth or not (i.e. will we love everyone equally in heaven)?

Thank you!

FATHER JOE:

The whole point of heaven is union with God and the Beatific Vision. Your connection with others is in Christ. I have already discussed this as the communion of the saints and as the intimacy of the Mystical Body. All loves (as with neighbor) are subsumed under the eternal love of God.

We may be speaking at cross-purposes. When you speak of special relationships then you are probably referencing emotional natural friendships. That is not what the love of heaven is about. The Church speaks of love as a theological virtue. In the world to come, it is a participation in the very inner life of the Trinity. This love is of the supernatural order.

Will we have favorites in heaven? We have no window to all the facets of life in heaven, particularly as to how things will be when we are restored body and soul. We will still possess the limitations that belong to creatures, but like the Blessed Mother, know the dynamism and joy that comes with divine grace. We will continue to love those we loved in the world but I hesitate to suggest a quantitative measurement. Real love by its very nature defies such discrimination. Christ dies for the best and the worse of men. He had special friends, like John, Peter and his apostles; but such human affection and friendship is not the same as his saving love. We are to imitate and make our own this love that embraces us from the Cross.
Leticia valencia, on November 30, 2015 at 10:54 pm said:

Dear Father,
They’re are Jehova witness that come to my house and want to study the bible. Since I am catholic I don’t know If I shold allow it or simply tell them to leave. I feel by telling them to leave I am refusing God. What is the right thing to do?

FATHER JOE: It is a setup for them to prey on the biblical ignorance of most people. Tell them that you would like to invite your parish priest. They will race off like bats out of hell. This was the response my sister had when she told visitors that her brother a Catholic priest was home and would just love to talk with them. It is also your home. If you have a background in Scripture, tell them that you would love to have them, but that you would have to lead the group. Be prepared to list all those Scriptures which affirm Catholic teaching and the divinity of Christ (which they reject). They probably will not accept your conditions. They are not visiting in good faith. They may have little religious background themselves but have been trained to cite isolated passages and to ask certain questions. They have not come to share faith with you but to proselytize. Jehovah Witnesses are not regarded as either a “church” or “ecclesial community.” They are labeled by Catholics and Protestants as a cult (not genuine Christians). If you are not prepared to answer their propaganda, then just politely tell them that you are happy with the Catholic faith and send them on their way. But do not let yourself be duped by them.
Ella, on November 30, 2015 at 5:24 pm said:

Dear Father

I feel very confused in my faith recently. I am 17, and have been brought up as a Catholic my whole life because my Dad’s side of the family, particularly my Nana, are all very devout Catholics. I took my confirmation (of my own choosing) a few years ago, but stopped attending Catholic mass so much because my parents had divorced and so I didn’t see my Dad as much to go with him (and since my mum did not especially like the Catholic Church we never went with her).
After I had ‘fallen away’ from the Catholic Church, I found myself being welcomed into a new, United Reformed Church a year or so ago. I have attended it regularly on Sundays and love the community and its services. However, since my Nana died in February this year, I have felt drawn back to the Catholic Church again, and so recently I have been going to Catholic mass on Saturday evenings, and a United Reformed service on Sundays.
I love both Churches and feel truly welcomed and fulfilled in my faith at both, and could not bare to leave either one. But I have to ask, is what I’m doing a sin? Is it wrong to attend two different churches like this? Please help me – people have said that I should be ashamed for doing what I am, but I feel connected to both communities and faiths!

Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.

FATHER JOE:

There may be much in the music, fellowship and preaching you love about the United Reformed Church; however, it is doctrinally incompatible with Roman Catholicism. It is true that it is a creedal church. While of recent origin, it has roots in the Protestant Reformation. Indeed, there is a basic difference between it and Catholicism regarding justification. Catholicism views justification (associated with faith and baptism) as a transformation of the person (a new creation) whereby sins are forgiven and sanctification or holiness is bestowed. The person cooperates with God and receives sanctifying (saving) grace and various actual graces. The United Reformed Church maintains that there is only a forensic justification and a juridical imputation of our sin upon Christ, not so much any genuine change in the person or inner man. (This was largely Martin Luther’s view.) We are saved not simply because Christ is just but because he makes us just. Catholicism would also speak of the person becoming an adopted son or daughter of the Father and a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are saved by God’s merciful and salvific grace. Some contend that the competing Protestant view is justification through masquerade: Christ and his obedience is credited to believers (Protestant) but there is neither transformation or cooperation (Catholic).

You might attend a non-Catholic service, but Catholicism would insist that you cannot actively participate or receive Communion. Trying to harmonize and embrace both faiths would be regarded as religious relativism or indifferentism. Such as you suspect would be a sin.

What you ultimately have to ask yourself is what do you believe? The Catholic Mass is a re-presentation of the saving sacrifice of Calvary. Holy Communion is the reception of the real presence of Christ, his saving body and blood.

What would I suggest? You have to make a choice. As a Catholic priest, the only choice I could ever make would be fidelity without compromise to the Catholic Church. Indeed, this should be an incentive to better learn about your faith as you deepen your relationship with Jesus.
AJ, on November 30, 2015 at 12:44 am said:

Go to the police about this abuse! This is to M McLelland
Kelly, on November 29, 2015 at 7:39 am said:

Dear Father

Is it a requirement to go to Mass every Sunday? Or can I just attend on the Holy Days of obligation?

Another question ie. I know of this woman who was pregnant. She found out that the baby was dead at six months. She carried it to full term, but I would like to know whether she could have aborted the baby when she found out that the baby was dead.

FATHER JOE:

QUESTION 1: Unless you are prevented by advanced age, lack of transportation or illness, then you are required under pain of mortal sin to participate at Mass on all Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation.

QUESTION 2: If the child is truly dead (a corpse) then there would have been no moral issue with the removal from the womb. However, there are sometimes medical reasons why doctors have to wait until later. Having said this, there could be a moral problem with the definition of death. I knew a child who was born without a brain and lived eight months afterwards. It would have been a sin to crush the remnant of the child’s skull (as the doctor recommended) and forced an early delivery for purposes of termination.
charles stansell, on November 29, 2015 at 12:18 am said:

Hello Father. I have a question. I am a 47 year old male. From time-to-time I have semen that will drip out of my penis and the only way to clear those lines is to masturbate. I do not masturbate for pleasure. I am married and do not have any std’s. I would like to know how to confess something like this since I know it WILL happen again… and again… and again.

FATHER JOE: Human mechanics do not work that way. Maybe you should see a doctor?
Bernard, on November 28, 2015 at 5:39 pm said:

Hi Father,

I have a couple questions about life in heaven.

We Catholics believe that in heaven, we will have perfect and complete union with every member of heaven (i.e. not just with Christ himself, but also with all other members).

Q1. Is such an union that I will be sharing with everyone else in heaven inseparable?

Q2. Is it correct to say that in heaven, no one will be able to claim me to be his or hers unless he or she also receives / loves all other members of heaven, whom I am in the complete union with, in the same manner that he or she receives/loves me?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

Some clarification is required here. Heaven makes manifest and perfects a unity that begins in this world. By grace we should already possess eternal life. We have already been invited into the kingdom and have been incorporated into the Mystical Body of Christ through the mystery of the Church. We are already as believers joined as the Pilgrim Church to the Church in Purgation and the Church in Glory. This is at the heart of the Church’s teaching about the communion of the saints. We are called to live in the joy and peace of the Beatitudes. The universal catechism speaks of this as follows: “All Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of charity.” Ours is a call to holiness. Our term of unity with one another in heaven will be in the peace of Christ. This is a profound spiritual union that can NEVER be disassociated with our unity with the Lord.

We must be somewhat careful about how we would define a complete or perfect unity with others in heaven. As I said, our fundamental communion rests upon our mutual love of God and unity with Christ. Thus, we must literally see and love Christ in one another. This is what it means when the Church teaches that Christ must be all in all. Of course, unlike the Eastern religions, this unity does not mean the loss of our individual personhood. We are not blended into some sort of new substance or entity. We are not a drop of water diffused in an ocean of self-forgetfulness. You as you will continue to exist and be conscious; indeed you can expect a reconstitution with a new body. While the love of God is infinite, our own perfection respects our capacity and degree for holiness. That is why some theologians speculate that there might be levels in heaven. One saint might be in the penthouse and another will reside in the basement (to use an earthly analogy). We will eternally grow in the Lord but some seem to have a head start or a greater proclivity for the spiritual. We see this already on earth and the Church canonizes members who demonstrate an extraordinary capacity to surrender to the Gospel of Christ.
M. McClelland, on November 28, 2015 at 9:45 am said:

Dear Father Joe, please help me. I’ve just read that despair is an Eternal Sin.

The thing is, I was raped repeatedly when I was three, sexually abused by another shortly thereafter and grew up in an environment of fear and dread. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as bad as the torture other incest and child abuse victims go through, I know that.and am grateful. But, as a result, my childhood experiences have kind of messed up my head, and over forty years later I’m still affected. I’ve never married, always been unable to conduct a relationship (of any kind), am estranged from most of my family and have no friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’m happy to be alone most of the time, and God has given me many graces: resistance of addiction/promiscuity/etc to deal with pain. forgiveness of those who hurt me. But I ‘d probably be lying if I said I have never despaired.

Is this because I lack in strength of my faith? That I don’t trust? But I don’t know how to trust. I don’t even trust myself, so I can’t help it if I don’t trust the Trinitous God? I don’t mean to not trust Him, but what if I can’t help it?

I’m really confused and frightened, Father. Since September, my faith has deepened, and I’ve recently consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary. I say the Rosary/Divine Mercy and various other chaplets/novenas daily. I love praying (seriously NEVER thought I’d say that, but it’s one of the few things that gives me peace). But what if it turns out I’ve been damned my whole life because I may have, on occasion, despaired? Has, therefore, every prayer I’ve said (esp for the Holy Souls) been completely in vain? I don’t understand how something like this can condemn me when it wasn’t my fault. Please help me.

FATHER JOE:

Words have variant meanings. The despair that is regarded as damning is against hope. Further, this is a deeper turning away then emotional distress. It is a deliberate act of the will. It not only questions but denies that God has the power to save us. Simultaneously, it focuses back upon ourselves as not worthy of salvation and eternal life. It is a curse against creation and against the Creator. The damned literally close all the doors and windows to divine grace. That is why it is regarded as most serious.

We all face disappointments and discouragements, but these are not necessarily sins against hope. We might even appreciate ourselves as unworthy sinners, but this is an element of the truth, not despair. As long as we say our prayers, go to church, seek to avoid sin and try to live as disciples should— then we have not despaired against hope.

As for the history of abuse, it is not something to be measured against others or dismissed. It should not have happened. It was not your fault. Others sinned grievously and they deserve to be punished. No one had the right to hurt you. No excuse will suffice. You may want to forget it, but it seems to me that healing comes by its acknowledgment and dealing with the anger and harm it causes. Otherwise, if you try to bury it, the wrong and the hurt can grow like a cancer under the surface. It is a sad fact that the abuser does not hurt a person for only a moment on a given day, but leaves a memory and wound that can last a lifetime.

The measure of God’s love for you is seen with Jesus on the Cross. How can we not trust one who surrendered everything for us? God does not promise you a life without pain. What he does promise is that we are not alone and that we have in Christ one who is both in solidarity with us and has the power to make all things new. He conquered the grave and offers you a share in his life. We trust Jesus for the same reason as the apostles. When crowds abandoned him, our Lord turned to his apostles and said, “Are you going to leave me too?” Peter answered, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

Your fears and questioning prayers are largely from an undue scrupulosity. Trust God. Stop being afraid— walk with the Lord and everything will be okay.

Peace!
maria, on November 27, 2015 at 8:23 am said:

Hello Father,

I come to you because I don’t know whom else to go to. I have 8 children. My husband is currently on temporary disability due to an injury at work. Over the past 2 years we have struggle with our oldest son, he is now 18, from constantly lying to stealing. My husband has kicked my son out of the house many times but I always convince him to take him back since he does not have anywhere else to go, you see although my son tries to talk and spend time with my husband he just simply does not get along with him. My son doesn’t do drugs or drinks or anything like it..he is always volunteering at church and tries his best. We have always suspected that there was something wrong with my son since childhood but unfortunately the school didn’t help us. Well to make it short, we finally took him to the neurologist and as suspect it my son has ADDHD he also suffer a hit and run and suffered a severe concussion which is also affecting him and the doctor believes that he is suffering from cognitive disorder. My son has a girlfriend and he feels insecure in his relationship, he is wondering what is wrong with him because he doesn’t look “manly” like other men he sees. Because my son dresses clean with dress pants and ties and likes to take care of himself and he is also skinny. he is starting to get confused thinking if he should had been a girl instead although he likes girls and not guys. I don’t know if I should tell my husband about how our son feels because every time I share with him about how our son feels my husband starts taking that against him when arguments arise and my husband tends to be very sarcastic.

Well my husband was also recently diagnose with depression and is now taking medication, unfortunately, he is extremely irritable and gets angry over everything. I also have another son and he was diagnose with OCD and anxiety a few years ago. And now it seems that my husband is also taking it against him.

Well, i recently gave birth and to be honest with you I feel that it has gotten to a point where is too much to handle. I don’t know how to help my husband and I don’t know how to handle the situation. My son doesn’t understand why his father is constantly angry with him, and I feel that I should not be trying to excuse my husband’s attitude all the time. I don’t want to fail on the promise that I made before God when we got married and I do love my husband, but father I also love my children and I think about their future and how all of this will affect them. And I do understand that sometimes they can be noisy and rebellious at least my 4 teens. I feel like I need a break. I don’t know what to do anymore, do I support my husband although it might be unjust? Rude? And sarcastic? Or do I help my kids? Although I know that sometimes they over question my husband’s authority and they also make mistakes? Or do I stand in the sides ignore everything and concentrate on the smallest ones mostly? Now I often feel like running away with my youngest kids and whom ever of my teens that want to follow me but I have no family close to me and no money. Since I am a stay at home mom. Please help me!

FATHER JOE:

You sound like a good mother who sacrifices everything for her husband and children. But remember, you need to be nurtured and loved, too. I suspect that you give and give with little in return. The essential issue here is between you and your husband. When you speak about him you mention ANGER, RUDENESS, SARCASM, IRRITABILITY and DEPRESSION. Reading between the lines it is also clear that he is DEMANDING and even HURTFUL. But you are the dutiful wife who wants to be both obedient and loyal to him. Given this and the many children and you feel trapped. You say it yourself, “I feel like running away!” But what you said of your son is even truer for you— you have no money— you have nowhere to go.

Is there someone with whom you could trust the children so that the two of you could have time for yourselves… on a vacation or retreat? The latter would imply the regimen of the sacraments and prayer. These are also important medicines that a pastor of souls would prescribe. Spousal love means mutual caring, affection and responsible parenthood. Children will grow up and they will leave home. What will your home be like when it is again just the two of you? Upon whom then will the anger and other negative feelings be focused? All this is to say that the primary relationship here is the spousal one. He should be gentle and tender, too. It is right that you love your husband but you should not be afraid of him. There I have said it; the emotion I most detect from you is FEAR. That is not as it should be.

Have you as a couple ever explored the possibility of counseling? Indeed, while it is humbling and difficult, even family counseling would probably be in order. Your children’s problems are their own, but much can be resolved by a better relationship with their father. Maybe your local priest or pastor could intervene? Regarding this, your husband must be willing to seek help and change. Otherwise, there is not much you can do. What I would tell him is that none of us are perfect. It is not failure to seek help. But it is cowardice to refuse to try.

Peace and Mercy!
Maureen, on November 25, 2015 at 1:32 pm said:

Hi, is it a sin to read romance novels that have sex written into them.

FATHER JOE: I really do not know much about modern romance novels. My experience is mostly in regard to classic literature like Wuthering Heights and Tess of the d’Urbervilles. I suppose it must be measured in reference to the value of the literature and its level of explicitness. My hunch is that much of the contemporary stuff is junk and best avoided.