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NEW MESSAGES/HOMILIES CHRISTIAN REFLECTIONS DEFENDING THE FAITH
Blogger Priest 
Hello Father!
I was accepted to the Church three years ago (confirmed two years ago). Before that I was active member of Lutheran church (was baptised there as a teenager) . Recently I started to wonder that I have actually never declined or resigned my membership from Lutheran institution (it’s possible that I’m still officially a member). Although I attend mass regularly, have spiritual guidance and try to live my life through works and prayer and have no connections with Lutheran church and my heart belongs to the Catholic Church completely. Is that bad or even blasphemous? Should I officially resign or disregard my official membership from the Lutheran institution.
thank you, Father!
Hi
I just wanted to know does it state in the bible that we are not allowed to marry anyone from a different faith.
Thanks
Hello Father,
I have remembered two sins from about 18 years ago. Should I confess them?
Hi Fr.
Is it wrong for me to interpret something my Bishop said as sexist? Thanks.
I’ve been in a live in relationship for the past 8 years with my girlfriend and her 8 year old son. Since then I’ve lost everything in my life, I’ve lost my business and self-esteem, .and my home, autos and dignity! We are never intimate. It seemed as though she has a mean spirit that comes over her at night, she even tells me that she and her family see spirits all the time. It just seems that I’ve had 8 years of hardship since we’ve been together! I don’t know if GOD HAS FORSAKEN ME or IT’S A EVIL SPIRIT IN MY LIFE! PLEASE HELP!
Hello
I am in my 70s and I have never taught how to say the Rosary & ii’s only now that I am looking up the Internet on what prayers are said. Do I have to say the Rosary every day?
Hi Father Joe! I’m a young theologian from another denomination but I’m studying a lot of religion and the Catholic church is under my observation. I have one question. “Did Emperor Justinian give his power to Pope Vigilius in 538 AD which gives an individual power to run the country? If so can you send me a reference to where I find this information?
FATHER JOE: There was a great deal of political intrigue. The previous Pope had been deposed, largely because of apparent sympathies with the Goths. There were also important theological debates at the time about the views of Origen, Nestorius and the Monophysites. Did the emperor give special temporal authority to Pope Vigilius? It has been many years since my school days and I cannot recall. What I do remember is that the establishment of Constantinople divided the empire between the East and the West. The emperor’s departure from Rome left a power vacuum that the Pope naturally assumed. This temporal authority grew over time and during several pontificates. The Pope’s spiritual authority was not in question.
Hi, I’m 15 years old and around about a year or so ago when I was 13/14, I searched for porn out of curiosity. I got addicted to it and I watched it near enough every day until I stopped watching it a few months ago. I feel so sickened by what I have done, and I wish I had known better. I wish I had known that it was wrong because I wouldn’t be in this mess now, and I hate myself for allowing myself to become that desperate. I’ve prayed to God and Jesus for forgiveness and I’ve completely stopped watching porn altogether, but is that enough? Or do I need to tell the authorities about what I’ve done as well for God to forgive me and for me to be saved? Will I still go to Heaven?
Dear Father,
Please help me. My husband of 32 years never wanted children. After the first year of being on the pill I realized it was morally wrong so I stopped taking it. We resorted to NFP although I have always been willing to bring children into the world. My husband insisted on abstinence until I had a normal cycle, which took a year. Over the years we had six children, but the last four pregnancies were deeply resented by my husband. In short our marriage has been mostly one of continence. I have done my best to be a good mother, staying home to raise our children, being frugal while managing our household and finances, home-schooling, being active in our church.
I feel very bitter and depressed that my husband has never found me worthy of being freely intimate. He has not wanted to talk about it and now he is impotent. I have struggled with this for so long that I now pray God takes my life before I fall into mortal sin. I know this is my cross in life but it is extremely hard to bear.
Dear Father Joseph,
I am in a dilemma and am not sure how to help myself. There is a swear word that I associate with Jesus. I have been to Confession to confess this sin and the priest told me to say “Jesus please forgive me I love you.” I have been saying this every day and still that swear word slips in. It distresses me very much and I cannot understand why this is happening and I am frightened that I will go to hell.
Should I go to hypnotherapy to try and erase this word from my mind?
I would really appreciate your advice. Thanking you in advance.
Hello Father,
Do you have any books or online resources you can recommend on discernment- specifically financial ones? We’re about to make a big financial decision and I’ve prayed about it quite a bit. I don’t feel we are going *against* God’s Will by this (luxury) purchase, but I struggle to believe it’s the right thing to do considering how many people are desperate for basic necessities.
Of course the whole picture is more complicated than I can – or should- try to describe here. I’m just hoping you have insights or resources that can help me prayerfully discern what God’s is calling me to do.
Thank you for any help you can provide.
Monica
Dear Father.
I am 71 years old and find it difficult to get aroused in order to have good sex with my wife.
Is it a mortal sin to look at pornography before we have sexual relations? I find it makes our union satisfying instead of frustrating. She is not against it and we are happily married for 35 years.
Thank you from
A senior citizen in Illinois.
Hi Father. May I say something for CJ?
(Sorry if this is a double-post!)
—
First off, I’m really sorry: I’ve been abused too by different people as a child, including my dad, but I really do believe that once is enough to seriously scar someone, whether it was “invasive” or not.
I know very well how great it feels to tell the truth, and then actually be believed and cared for after years of being made to feel crazy and to blame for the abuse. I also know from myself and many others I’ve spoken with or listened to that it’s very hard to have a healthy sense of boundaries when they’ve been so violated in the past. Some tend to clam up completely and don’t let anyone in, while others are more prone to tell their story to whoever will listen, even crossing their own moral boundaries by lying/exaggerating like you have.
There’s a very serious problem to this though: as you probably realized, giving a false report to the authorities is a crime in itself. If you reported that exaggerated story, your dad could go to jail for a much longer time than what’s fair and just.
What’s more, it also harms everyone else who has suffered abuse, since it tarnishes our credibility as a whole, and reinforces the victim-blaming attitude many have. I recently shared my story to an officer who was very harsh with me, and wondered if he’s had people lie to him about these things. It’s very little wonder why one of my cruelest abusers’ favorite book is “How to Kill A Mockingbird”, centering around that false accusation of rape. The more honest we are, the better.
It harms you too, not just spiritually, but psychologically: it’s really bad for your health to lie, especially about something like that. Also…I don’t want to frighten you, but it may be that you have memories repressed of more indeed happening, that your mother’s secondary wounding behavior didn’t help. Usually, one can easily tell a real memory from a fake one, but lying clouds your perception of the truth. I strongly advise you to put the lies out of your head ASAP so you can figure the truth about this, preferably with a therapist and lots of prayer:
I think St. Maria Goretti would be a helpful friend for you on this journey, as well as St. Dymphna and St. Gerebran. St. Maria fully forgave her would-be rapist, but also told the police the whole truth before she died. Alessandro, her killer, eventually found the grace to accept her forgiveness, and since became a very holy and humble man. St. Dymphna stood firm against her father’s bribes and threats to marry him even after her spiritual director St. Gerebran was killed for chastising his king (her father). There are other resources God has out there for you, and I ask you to make full use of them.
Last thing I want to tell you is that you CAN do this. I’m also in my 20s, but with God’s help, I got this far (though I’ve still much more to go). Don’t be afraid to accept the gifts he gives you. I know it’s hard, but you’ll soon realize how great they are.
I’ll pray for you, too.
-Ana
(I know my name says Bernadette – WordPress for some reason won’t let me post questions without logging me in with my penname)
Dear Father,
I have been dabbling in the occult. I had a spell cast – the intention was to find me a “soul mate”. The casters promised results within a few months. At the last minute – Praise the Lord! – I came to my senses and ordered a reversal. The order had been made online, so I sent an email ordering a reversal. But no response. I am so afraid that I will never be able to marry in my whole life lest I be cursed.
A lot of time has been passed since then. I remember I cried my soul out before God the day I ordered the reversal. Since then I have come to accept the Catholic faith. I have not yet been baptised. I pray the Rosary when I have some time and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy nearly everyday. I say my daily prayers, and I love to say the Breviary.
But I fear the sorcery still lingers. How do I save myself and protect myself?
I have repented, but has God truly forgiven? Please advise. I can assure you this is no bluff. Please believe me.
Please Pray for me, a sinner.
Thanking you,
S.
Fr. Joe,
The thing is, my mother was infected with HIV by my biological father. She didn’t know but found out after she was pregnant with me and my twin sister. She prayed a lot and by God’s grace we were born without the disease. We are also the only surviving twins in the family. All our life we lived normally, my mother has never been ill, we just knew not to share tweezers, shavers, etc.
I was joking around with my mother and startled her; she chased after me and was trying to kick me as I hid behind the door; it was all fun and games. Her toenail ended up scratching my leg and I had a cut running down my leg and I started bleeding. Immediately I got scared; I said ‘oh my gosh I might be at risk’. I was a bit mad, not at her really but the situation. I was crying and she was telling me that she didn’t have any cut there’s no blood to blood contact so there’s nothing to be worried about. and I just wouldn’t listen. I said ‘you don’t know maybe there is”. We kept going back and forth, we’re both crying and I ended up getting her scared and worried. She said that we should pray because God wouldn’t let it happen. He saved me from her womb so He wouldn’t let that happen again. She started to feel bad and said she feels she might kill herself because she doesn’t want to be the cause of me getting HIV. In the morning I googled if a scratch of a nail from someone who’s HIV+ can transfer HIV; I learned that it’s not the case and there’s nothing to be worried about.
I started to feel guilty because I couldn’t understand how I could be so ignorant and not stop and think before getting all worried. I’m embarrassed that I failed to realize what I had already known; that HIV is only by blood to blood contact. I went all crazy over a scratch and made my mother feel worthless; which wasn’t my intentions. I didn’t want her to continue to think that I might be infected so I called and told her that I looked online and a scratch from a nail is not serious, and I also told her that I should not have overreacted. She started crying and said that I had made her feel so horrible and hurt.
This has been eating me up all day. I’m feeling like my reaction was a sin. I didn’t tell her that she gave me HIV or that she was a bad person. But I when I got scratched, all my knowledge about the disease just went out of my mind. I can imagine how my mother is feeling and it’s all my fault. 5% feels that it was someone logical to feel like I might have been at risk but 95% feels like I committed a sin because I should have known that a scratch wouldn’t expose me to the disease.
I’m hating myself for what happened and I don’t know what to do.
Hi Father, I’d like to ask if it’s okay for me to avoid people I feel uncomfortable around. I mean, you know how we aren’t supposed to be judging people and rejecting the loners, loving thy enemy and such…well I have a few friends that are kind of socially awkward and I tend to avoid them but I feel really really bad because I too once was rejected and it didn’t feel good. Female rejects are still okay to me, but I tend to avoid male rejects. I manage to improve and be not so rejected but idk why they don’t do the same..? I try to be nice to them but I realise that I am still biased and do not treat them as well as how I treat people who are more accepted and likeable.
Well there’s this guy whom I used to find attractive and we used to go out as friends. After a while I felt disgusted by him and I started avoiding him… Maybe because the physical attraction is gone, but more probably it’s because of the fact that whenever we talk online, he is extremely negative and emo, it drives me insane. I mean it’s normal to be emo once in a while, but he’s emo 24/7 and I told him I didn’t like talking to people with such negative outlook because it really makes me become pessimistic too. He didn’t change. The way he talks is as if he wants sympathy or something..? I don’t think he’s really that sad, more like attention seeking. I don’t know. It’s irritating and i guess that’s what caused me to avoid him. But I feel really bad. But I really don’t think there’s a need to talk to him or entertain him anymore. And there might be a possibility that he might have romantic feelings because I was the only girl that was actually willing to talk to him and he kept texting me and liking every Facebook posts of mine. I don’t want to lead him on, in fact I don’t even want to be friends anymore. He is also proud and I basically always have opposite opinions leading to arguments. Is this behaviour of mine bad..? I don’t hate him, but I just don’t want to keep in touch anymore.
Hello Father, thank you for your site and taking the time to answer questions.
I have one that has been troubling me recently. I had my first confession over a year ago. At the time, I was confessing to 25 years of sin. Since it was my first time I was pretty nervous, so when it came to confess sins of the sexual nature; I simply said “I confess to performing sexually deviant acts X many times”. I said it this way so that I wouldn’t be too embarrassed going into more detail as it was my first confession. The priest didn’t ask me to deliver any more details.
Now I’ve been researching up on doctrine and have been alerted that we are to be specific in confessing sins if it changes the nature of the sin. I’m wondering if by confessing the way that I did, if I somehow made an invalid confession by not being specific enough. Any answers you can provide would be much appreciated! I have been wrestling with this for a while now.
Thanks!
I’m a 23 yr old woman. When I was 11 my dad sexually abused me. The abuse occurred once, and was not invasive (I’m not trying to minimize my experience, but its important to explain). Over the years I repeatedly tried to tell my mom that my dad had abused me, but was so afraid that I or even my dad would get in trouble that I would start to tell her, then deny it when she got upset – I would always start to day “mom, dad sexually abused me” then she would began to cry, scream, yell, and I would quickly say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, forget I said that.” I began to think, at 11, that I was really messed up in my head. I began to tell my friends that my dad had sexually abused me. At first, when I was 12, I told my best friend the truth, that my dad had sexually abused me once. It felt good to tell the truth, but it felt really good to have my friend react with so much support and so kindly to me at a time when my family wasn’t supportive or kind. I guess I became addicted to that feeling, and thats where my problems started. I began to exaggerate the abuse, I made it sound worse than it was, I made it sound like it had occurred a few times rather than once. Then I made it sound even worse, and made it sound like it had been a regular occurrence. Etc, etc. This continued until I was 17. I never told an authority figure about the real abuse, or the exaggerated abuse. My goal was never, ever to hurt my dad or family. I just was really addicted to feeling like someone cared about me, and I would always prevent my friends from telling authority figures. I decided I no longer wanted to lie when I was 18 and did manage to stop. I went to college, traveled, became a really independent, pretty at ease and confident (so I thought) person. I tried to forgive myself for my lies in the past and asked God to help me be a good person, and thanked him that my lies didn’t hurt my family. But then, when I was 21, I began to lie again. I Same story. I became really close to a boy and told him about the real abuse as it had happened, received his genuine sympathy, then increased my lies/exaggerations. I had to end my relationship with that guy because the lie grew so much and I knew I couldn’t continue a relationship built on a lie about someone I love, my dad. I just feel horrible though. I genuinely feel I am going to hell.
I know I’m not a bad person, or catholic. I want to, and have, dedicated my life to helping others. I have a special passion for helping the elderly, immigrant populations, and animals. But despite being a genuinely, I think, kind, caring, Christlike person, I struggle so much with this guilt. I feel that because I have never corrected my lies that I”m living in sin. And that no matter how much good I do, I am doomed to go to hell. I have confessed my sin multiple times to priests, and they always say that I will be forgiven, but again I feel like I am still repeating the sin daily, because there are still people out there who believe my life. Frankly, I can never fully correct this lie. And, even it I could track down the people I’ve told these lies to, I don’t know if I would have the moral strength to fully tell the truth. Do you think that God will forgive me in this situation? I truly feel I was a messed up kid and made these mistakes due to deep problems, but I also know I knew right from wrong when I committed these sins. I could really use some advice.
I really need advice from someone of the same religion, a priest, to tell me what I should do. I am much too afraid to approach the priests at my church in person. I really hope I won’t be ignored. Please, or if you know where else I can post this for help please do tell me.
Well, I have been suffering from masturbation addiction since I was around 9, and when I was about 14, I started watching porn. I am still addicted to porn and masturbation till now, and I do not know how to stop. The longest I can go is perhaps a month.
Anyway I have had hearing loss in my left ear since I was young, and when I was 14, my right ear too started to mysteriously lose its hearing and I had to wear hearing aids in both ears. I am not sure if this is the result of my sins from watching porn since it happened around the time I started watching. Now I’m 19, and my hearing became even worse that I might have to go for a cochlear implant surgery.
When I masturbate, I use a lot of water. I won’t go into details, but I felt guilty wasting water, so, when I was young I might have made a promise to Mother Mary that I would stop wasting water. Well, now I am feeling really troubled because I can’t remember if I really did promise her or not, and I’m afraid that she would be angry because I broke my promise more than a thousand times. What should I do?
I have tried various means to quit watching porn and masturbating, I punish myself by having to say 10 Hail Marys each time I watch, and now I have more than 1000 Hail Marys to to be said. This still couldn’t stop me, so I began more punishments like giving $5 to charity each time I watched, and now I have to donate $15 so far. I feel bad as despite it being my allowance, the money was earned by my parents.
Also, I feel like a terrible child to my parents because they have spent a lot of money on me, bringing me to hearing specialists and acupuncturist in hope of getting back my hearing, and I feel like the cause of it could be the punishment of me watching porn…and yet I still do it.
I am really afraid and lost. I do not know what to do anymore. I am afraid I would be thrown into hell or purgatory if I cannot overcome these sins. Also, I lust after guy friends quite frequently and I don’t know if I’m lonely or just want to find a life companion.
Please advice me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Thanks for reading this long message.
Rena.
Father Joe, Please tell FF that I’ll be praying for his/her parents. No marriage is easy, and some marriages are very, very difficult, but vows are vows, and I think God gives grace to those of us who choose to honor them.
I, too, am requesting prayer. This time it’s not for sin but for the courage to receive the Eucharist on the tongue. I’m not the only person who fears this. I feel a need to do this now But no need to feel superior to those who make a different (valid) choice. I’m planning to receive on the tongue this weekend.
Hi, I understand that usury is a sin, but I am confused as to what it actually is, as I have heard different answers from different people.
Some say that all interest is sinful, or that interest should only be applied to cover handling fees, or that interest is fine so long as it isn’t really high (like loansharks) because the nature of money has changed throughout the years.
If every kind of interest is a sin, then is it a sin to have money in a bank account where I get a small amount of interest added? And can faithful Catholics morally take out loans that have interest attached (eg a mortgage, student loans)?
Thank you for your help
Why am I getting these urges late of wanting to have a gay experience with another man? I’m a senior and married.
Hello and God Bless You! I have a few questions for you and I’m hoping you can help me…I am a 45 year old Catholic Woman. Married for 20 years. We have three children. One of them is severely disabled. About eight years ago my husband announced he was no longer in love with me and has since refrained from having intimate relationship with me. I am crushed and heartbroken. I feel I am living a lie when surrounded by family and friends and I am still very much in love with him. I have been nothing but supportive and loving, despite his cold heart. He wants to stay married for the sake of the vows and the children. Out of sheer loneliness, once or twice a year I resort to masturbation and feel exceedingly guilty beyond words afterwards. I have promised Jesus I will not sin ever again in this way, but have fallen away again more than once. Will He forgive me for breaking this promise? Or will He punish me? I have confessed this sin and repented but the guilt I have is unbearable. Also, I believe Our Blessed Lady has granted me healing of a physical ailment. I begged for this healing and promised her I would be pure and no longer sin, but I recently broke this promise again. Will she also punish me by taking back the miracle she procured? I feel lost and alone.
Dear Father,
I have a question about sex before marriage.
I am 21 years old. I was raised with Catholic Traditions, but never really knew much about the religion until a few months ago. I am currently engaged to a non-catholic. We are both currently going through a religious education course so we can get our Confirmation and First Communion. Growing up, I really didn’t have much guidance from my parents, nor anyone else. My Karen’s have been divorced and have had multiple partners since then. Unfortunately, I lost my virginity at 16. I would say because of peer pressure…but I was young and dumb,and don’t really want to make excuses for myself. Now that I have gone to learn about my religion…I can’t nudge this feeling of “dispair” away. I know that I have met the man of my dreams, and I wouldn’t see myself with anyone else but him. However, I am deeply troubled by the fact that I am not going into my marriage as a virgin. I regret everything that I did as a teenager…and now I am paying the consequences. After I am finished with my Cathechism and I am able to confess my sins…would I be able to married by the church?
What advice would you give me Father Joe?
I am too scared to go to my church’s Father to talk about this because of fear of judgement.
Respectfully,
Yuri.
Dear Fr. Joe,
Please pray for my parents, as their marriage is not going well. My Dad seems to think that the pursuit of happiness is key in life and thinks that leaving my mom will make him happy. My mom holds onto his past faults and has difficulty forgiving. Please pray that they can find reconciliation and peace and that they will grow closer to God and each other. If anyone else is reading this, I’d appreciate your prayers too. Thanks and God bless,
F.F.