Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

catholicgirl, on August 13, 2015 at 8:24 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,
I experienced recently strong temptations against my catholic faith. It came to pass after two protestant families visited my home on separate occasions. I started to wonder if maybe am in the wrong church.
Later as i was watching a program on st francis and st clare on EWTN i thought what if these and many of the saints were just crazy or something.
I realise that most of my doubt comes from lack of material and financial success in my life so i question how come people of different faith are more successful. The worst part is that am even wondering now if God exists. This temptation is new to me i have always believed in God and loved His catholic church.
I prayed for the intercession of our Lady the blessed mother and felt reassured.
What advice would you give me to overcome these temptations against faith?
Thanks for all the advice you give me and others i learn and am encouraged alot. Thanks for prayers too i pray for you too. God bless you.

FATHER JOE: I find strength in daily prayer and the Mass. I am also moved or inspired by the stories of saints and great Catholics who witnessed to the faith. History affirms the place of Catholicism as genuine Christianity. I am never more convinced then when I see the Church and her children as signs of contradiction in this world speaking out for the dignity of human beings and the sanctity of life. The promises of Christ give me direction and hope. I cannot imagine my life without it. Reflect upon the faith and how it has molded you and given you purpose.
Ruth, on August 13, 2015 at 5:50 pm said:

LINK DELETED

Father please read these directives if you haven’t. And I hope it will be published and made known to many, since its high time people open their eyes and avoid ignorance.

FATHER JOE:

Sorry, but the Bayside messages were rejected by Church authority as fraudulent. As a Catholic priest in good standing, I must abide by the decision of just authority in the Church established by Christ. We should all do the same. The late Veronica Luekin was a poor deluded woman who attracted to herself others who lamented changes in the Church and/or who were fascinated with conspiracy theories.

Bishop Francis J. Mugavero of Brooklyn stated in 1986 that “a thorough investigation revealed that the alleged visions of Bayside completely lacked authenticity” and that “the messages and other related propaganda contain statements which, among other things, are contrary to the teachings of the Catholic Church.”

The late Fr. Nicholas Gruner (a suspended priest) began a similar breakaway organization so as to promote his interpretation of Fatima while posturing orthodoxy to the Catholic faith.

I am surprised that either movement might long outlive those who fashioned them.
SB, on August 12, 2015 at 7:22 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,

No, I don’t know this priest well at all. He replaced our previous hospital parish priest early this year and I only see him briefly about once or twice a month, for a short Sunday service (30 to 40 min), when I’m working on s Sunday that I’m free to come down to.

It’s never anything more than thank you, have a nice day when exiting the chapel, where he shakes everyone’s hsnd when leaving or hello, in passing up on the patient floors upstairs.

Like I said in my last post, I am happily married with two young children and never gave any reason for him to approach me this way. I have absolutely no desire to have any further interaction with this priest, beyond mass at work.

He didn’t even know my name. That tells you how little we know each other. Strictly mass about once or twice a month, that’s it.

He shocked me and took me off guard, so ended up giving him my number because I felt funny and put on the spot. He gave me his number, but afterwards I blocked it so he can’t call me.

I haven’t seen him since this incident, last Sunday. I don’t know what to say if he asks me anything regarding not being able to get through when calling me (if he in fact went forward and did attempt to call me).

Should I explain if asked, that I find it inappropriate and that I’m happily married?

This is so disheartening for me because I feel as though nothing is sacred. A priest that one should be able to trust with confession and spiritual guidance (neither of which I have ever gone to this priest for), has gone too far beyond his boundaries. I understand that we are sll human, but I gave no reason, no initial invitation for him to behave this way. No sign that I looked at him in any other way than a priest at my employer’s chapel.

I’d appreciate your input with this matter.

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: While I would judge what he did inappropriate, it is possible that we are reading it wrong. We really do not know what his intentions might be. The concern is about appearances and the possibility of scandal. The way you told it, I thought it was worrisome. Of course, priests can be strange birds. I knew one priest in a retirement home who would sneak out at night to be with “the girls.” Then he told the nun in charge that he had a late night prayer group. People became suspicious. Sister walked in on them one night, and there was Father surrounded by these very matronly ladies… and they were all playing cards. They had started a Bridge group! He was just a lonely old man that loved cards and wanted some company his own age.
Ray Lewis, on August 12, 2015 at 12:22 am said:

Dear Fr. Joe,

I wanted to ask you whether I should go to a concert by a Christian indie folk artist called Sufjan Stevens. My main concern is over one song on the new album (and from the setlists I’ve read he always plays the entire album) that references masturbation. The song itself is apparently about a non-marital sexual affair, attempting to fill the void left by his mother’s death, which is the subject of the album as a whole. However, it certainly doesn’t endorse what it describes.

Nevertheless, I have problems overcoming the sin of masturbation and have very little self-control, and I worry that listening to this sort of thing, normalising a sin like masturbation, will make me more likely to sin.

Overall, I think the album – and his music in general – is spiritually edifying and generally excellent. The new album, ‘Carrie and Lowell’, is so powerful in how it captures how sudden, devastating and terrible death is, even for someone like me who has never experienced it. I find the lyrics and music extremely powerful and poetic, and this concert will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, since his albums are so vastly different from each other (‘Carrie and Lowell’ is very stripped-back indie folk, whereas his last one five years ago was a bunch of weird electro-orchestral craziness) that when he tours again in five years or so it will probably be a completely different experience.

Since masturbation is a mortal sin, arguably I should avoid anything that even slightly increases the risk of me doing it, since that is also a risk of being damned to hell. Yet I cannot be morally compelled to take every possible step to make sure I don’t do it, or I would sleep on the sidewalk to make sure I was always in public, and never go near a shop or anything with adverts. I think this concert will overall be a spiritual benefit for me and I will certainly enjoy it. Yet listening to some of his music carries a grave (though low) risk. Maybe I’m being overscrupulous but I want to be sure before I spend money on a ticket.

I know you must be a very busy person but it will probably sell out very soon so could you please respond as quickly as reasonably possible?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I am not familiar with the artist or his music. Not knowing you personally, I cannot say how impressionable you may be. I would argue to avoid vulgar music but this is not the same as exploring themes that intersect our humanity and struggle. If he advocates serious sin then how Christian is he or his music? You will have to evaluate the matter yourself and make a decision. Sorry that I can not offer a definitive response.
Luke, on August 10, 2015 at 2:59 pm said:

I thought that masturbation without ejaculation was a venial sin. I thought that if one stopped because he knew he was doing something wrong then it would be venial.

If a person should stop in the middle of the act, realizing that it was a grave act that upset God, is this a venial or mortal sin? Let us say the person is very sorry for this act.

FATHER JOE: There are subjective factors that can reduce the gravity to venial… like habit, psychological immaturity, etc. However, interrupting the sinful act would not ordinarily be a mitigating element. Remember, the seriousness of the sin is not only in the physical abuse but in the mental deliberation and fantasy. Sin begins in the heart. It does not emerge from “nowhere.” One can even be guilty of murder without actually carrying out the physical violence.
SB, on August 10, 2015 at 3:16 am said:

Hello, I attend mass at the hospital I work and the priest came up to my floor to see patients. He came up to me, hugged and kissed me and asked for my phone number, saying: “We can do lunch, it can’t be all work and no play”. I found this to be very inappropriate. I am happily married, he is a priest and I don’t even know him well at all.

Does this seem inappropriate to you?

FATHER JOE: You do not know him well? Yes, it sounds inappropriate to me.
giannibmitchell, on August 9, 2015 at 6:16 pm said:

Father Joe: I’m hoping you can give me some clarification. I’ve had some bizarre experiences and I am wondering what the church thinks of them. Firstly, a few years ago some some marks appeared on the palms of my hands. They were round and centred. Secondly, I had past life regression therapy and I saw a man on the cross, the most compassionate man I have ever felt, I could have sworn it was Jesus! Thirdly I have had three people say Christ to me. What would the church say about this and what does it mean for me? All the best. Gianni B.M.

FATHER JOE: I do not believe in past life regression therapy and categorize it with occult practices. As for blemishes and words spoken, I would place no supernatural meaning in them at all. Cast such things aside and neither allow others to deceive you nor to deceive yourself.
Jack Reason, on August 8, 2015 at 12:38 am said:

Dear Father Joe,
I have a few questions to ask concerning the habit of wearing the scapular. Recently, I was enrolled in the Confraternity of Our Lady of Mount Carmel (or Brown Scapular) by a local priest. Today, I purchased an additional scapular with an image of the Holy Face emblazoned on the scapular. Now, is it necessary to be enrolled in another confraternity affiliated to this Scapular or not? My intention is to only wear this scapular (Holy Face) on Fridays throughout the year and during lent as a special devotion – is this allowed? Secondly, I would like to have a separate scapular for day and night for reasons relating to convenience, is this allowed?
Pax Christi,
Jack Reason
Diocese of Brentwood, United Kingdom

FATHER JOE: The Scapular of the Holy Face is different from the Scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. There are many types of scapulars and they reflect enrollment in different confraternities or associations. A scapular only requires a simple blessing. However, the person should be enrolled in each of the associations separately.
chinonye, on August 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm said:

Hi Fr. Joe
I wanted to ask, now that I have a spiritual director, can I still ask you questions anytime I have one? Or do I have to strictly stick to my spiritual director? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Questions are okay but I would give weight to your spiritual director.
confusedjanie, on August 7, 2015 at 6:58 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,
I would kindly request your help. I have always had a difficult relationship with food. I have had a very controlling emotionally abusive mother. I was also sexually abused by a step sister when i was young. I developed chronic shyness as a result and have not matured into a balanced human person. I have been described as immature and even overly religious(if this is possible).
In God’s providence food has always been abundant in my home. I eat whenever i experience any kind of emotion high or low. I have a slight physical handicap which coupled with my shyness means i cant walk for exercise.
I use food to build a protective shell around me due to these and other past traumas. When i have lost weight in the past i felt very vulnerable(naked).
I try to grow in holiness daily and have overcome dark battles with impurity in the past.
My question is how do i measure temperance in food. I am very scrupulous. I find unlike other sins where i prayed and struggled until i managed to stop completely with food i still have to eat. How much is too much eating? Is it a sin not to exercise? I find myself confessing gluttony just incase i ate more than i needed to and didnt exercise.
Thanks for being patient with me and my long mails.
God bless you fr.

FATHER JOE: As you can see in my picture I also struggle with weight and eating. Unlike certain other pleasures, the human condition requires us to eat… and I like it way too much for my own good. While I believe that God understands human weakness, we should not despair and/or give up. I have also seen weight go down and then explode back up. Exercise gets harder as we get heavier. There is also the issue of aging and the changing metabolism. Discipline and prayer can be helpful, but I am suspicious of dieting and long-term fasting might actually harm health. The best solution I have heard is the need to make a lifestyle change, altering how we eat and what we eat. The expression I heard the other day is something like: we have to eat to live but should not live to eat. I will keep you in prayer. Please remember me in yours.
Steven, on August 6, 2015 at 5:04 pm said:

Father Joe,
I am tired of searching forums and discussions on the internet. I want a real priest to tell me wheter or not masturbation is bad in this my case. Masturbation calms me and i become more sociable and friendly and i become more focused on learning and on working. Not masturbating makes me furious , angry and less foucsed on my chores. Its not that i will carry my future relationship with my wife as a self pleasuring thing or will in any way have a difficult marriage. I am trying to say masturbation will in no way interfere with my marriage. So the question is: Is masturbation bad in my situation? If so what can i do in order to stop my anger. (ps : dont tell me to read the Bible because i did)
Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I cannot speak to your anger because I do not know its cause. The fantasies and pornography associated with self-pollution may also be violent and frequently constitute adultery in the heart. My answer is from the universal catechism…

[CCC 2352] By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
ER, on August 5, 2015 at 6:53 pm said:

Good day Father,

I hope you are well? I needed to ask an urgent burning question because I need some guidance from a priest.
I recently had a spiritual awakening of sorts and have become closer to God and found my peace and joy in being in the presence of God. I read the bible more, I pray more and I value and understand the Holy mass more than I ever have. I am moved by the power of the Eucharist and I love learning about God through the readings and the homily so much so that I declined a job offer because it would prevent me from attending daily mass.

Now here’s the issue. I think my priest has developed feelings for me. He is relatively new and relatively young (late 20s) I’m 19 and I tend to receive quite a bit of male attention, none of it really bothers me because to some extent it’s a part of life. But, this issue is really bothering me.

Usually, after daily mass, I help tidy up and carry things back into the sacristy, I read also and I’m a choir member and confirmation mentor because of this I come into contact with my priests quite a bit.

When I noticed it, I tried to play it off, I thought I was being narcissistic and self absorbed and I felt bad, then I thought he was only being friendly and I was being obtuse and crazy but I have more and more reason to believe his feelings are growing. I don’t want to sin against God or cause a priest to abandon his vocation. I don’t feel the same way about him and I don’t dress provocatively or lead him on in anyway. What should I do? I don’t want to get him into any trouble either so I won’t want to talk to any priest that knows him. Should I just change Church and attend a different Church? I feel bad, even though I haven’t been suggestive because I feel like I may be making him feel things that are wrong.
Please help me. I have no one else to talk to or share this with.

Joseline.

FATHER JOE: I have changed a few elements of your comment to preserve confidentiality. First, you can go to Mass and say your prayers. You do not have to make time or a lot of small talk with the priest. If he has strong feelings then he will have to deal with them. You should spend no special time with him. Second, while daily Mass is a wonderful practice, you also have an obligation to make a living. Not accepting a job because it conflicts with daily Mass times could really limit your opportunities. The main thing is making Sunday Mass. But this is a matter that you have to work out. I would not yet suggest changing churches. Spend time with others at Mass or with God at prayer… not with the priest.
Tony, on August 5, 2015 at 2:07 pm said:

Hello Father. I have a question. Yesterday I was talking with a friend showing him a funny video online. We came across anothe video which was a Christmas video about Jewish people. Which was offensive in a way, it depends how you take it. He started laughing so I started laughing is it wrong that I started laughing about the video along with him? It is the words in the video that went along. I went to Mass this morning received communion. The congregation said an Act of Contrition before Mass started. I said it too concerning the laugher with my friend and the video. But do I need to go to confession about it? Since I said the Act of Contriion and the Lord Have Mercy before Mass with everyone in the church? Hear from you soon. God Bless.

FATHER JOE: I do not know the content of the video so it is hard to answer. There is religious humor that respects the human condition and our eccentricities; there is also humor that mocks and attacks persons. The latter would require asking for God’s mercy.
Kathleen, on August 5, 2015 at 12:27 pm said:

Father Joe

I have been transformed and my life has been changed through having Christ in my life and in my heart. I’didn’t include that in my question because I didn’t know that I needed to say all of that just to get you to hopefully explain about scapulars. I came to you for an answer not a judgement. Thank you for your time and have a good day.

FATHER JOE: Dear Kathleen, I am very glad that your life has been transformed by Christ. But remember that the transformation is ongoing. I am not judging you. My response merely gives the Catholic appreciation of soteriology, one that makes room for sacramentals like scapulars, medals, rosaries and of course for the seven sacraments. My response sought to answer your question in a way that would also inform others. May the good Lord continue to bless your life! Peace.
Frank, on August 3, 2015 at 3:56 pm said:

dear father,
My girlfriend and I are both catholic. The way we met was very special, she’s everything I prayed for. I’m 20 and she’s 19. We started to have sex a few months ago. Since then, I haven’t received communion because it is a sin , but she receives communion because we have plans and one of them is getting married after we finish college. So in short, she receives communion because we are meant to be and we will be married soon. Is she right? Is it ok to receive communion if you know she’s the one God wants for you? I love her so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Thank you !

FATHER JOE: True love waits. Sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin. Why would you want to risk the salvation of a person you say you love? The moral law and the Bible does not say that fornication is okay if you are going to make it right and love each other. St. Paul lists it among the sins that casts a person outside the kingdom of Christ. You should both go to Confession. You should stop having premarital sex. And then you should both return to the practice of receiving Holy Communion. I have not even asked if you are employing contraceptives which would compound the sin. Of course, if she should become pregnant, would you have the baby or destroy the child? You are young and playing with fire. Be careful you do not get burned. Have you no shame as to how you have damaged both your character and hers?
Kathleen, on August 3, 2015 at 12:53 pm said:

Hello

I am a catholic. I firmly believe that through my faith in Jesus has saved me. I, along with everyone else who believes in Jesus already has salvation. We are not going to hell. So my question is why would a catholic want or need to wear a scapular? How can one save what is already saved? And isn’t their believe in Jesus enough for salvation?
Thank you for input.

FATHER JOE:

You may be a Catholic, but your assessment of “blessed assurance” is representative of a Protestant view. Indeed, it is the sin of presumption for a Catholic to view himself as irrevocably saved. Certain evangelicals believe in the “once saved, always saved” interpretation that emerged from Martin Luther’s teaching of juridical justification through imputation. Simply put it means that after a faith profession in Christ one is saved regardless of personal sins and weaknesses. Supposedly, we are masked by Christ when the Father looks upon us. The Catholic understanding is different. The ancient Catholic truth has to do with being born again as a new creation. We must be transformed. Faith and baptism makes us members of God’s people, but just as faith can grow, it can sour. The Evangelical would say that if a person becomes a grievous sinner that their earlier faith was counterfeit. Catholics would not nullify or doubt such faith. Instead, we argue that we must grow in the life of grace.

Your view would dismiss a lot more than scapulars. If you are already saved then you would need no sacraments, no Mass, no Eucharist and no Church. That is why those who hold such ideas reject the divine mysteries and reduce the “Church” to a place for fellowship and making converts. Catholicism is the true Bible Church and views salvation in terms of faith and obedient works in charity.

I would recommend that you attend a Parish RCIA program and relearn your Catholic faith.

Catholics live in the sure and certain HOPE of their salvation in Christ. Salvation is God’s free gift to us. But faith is defined as more than believing with our heads. The apostles understood faith as something lived out in faith and obedience. It is in this manner, and the reception of the sacraments, that the life of grace grows within us. The spiritual life is not stagnant but dynamic. We must always be properly disposed to God’s mercy and strength.

Here are some passages for spiritual reflection:

Matthew 7:21 – “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

John 5:28-29 – Do not be amazed at this, because the hour is coming in which all who are in the tombs will hear his voices and will come out, those who have done good deeds to the resurrection of life, but those who have done wicked deeds to the resurrection of condemnation.

Philippians 2:12 – So then, my beloved, obedient as you have always been, not only when I am present but all the more now when I am absent, work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Hebrews 5: 7-10 – In the days when he was in the flesh, he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered; and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him, declared by God high priest according to the order of Melchizedek.

Hebrews 10:26-27 – If we sin deliberately after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains sacrifice for sins but a fearful prospect of judgment and a flaming fire that is going to consume the adversaries.

James 2: 17-24 – So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead. Indeed someone might say, “You have faith and I have works.” Demonstrate your faith to me without works, and I will demonstrate my faith to you from my works. You believe that God is one. You do well. Even the demons believe that and tremble. Do you want proof, you ignoramus, that faith without works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered his son Isaac upon the altar? You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by the works. Thus the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called “the friend of God.” See how a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead….You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone.
Kathleen, on August 2, 2015 at 11:50 pm said:

During a weekend visit from a cousin, we engaged in conversation of various family. It was both agreed it was private and I trusted in that. However the following week information and feelings were shared with my daughter, much of which was stretched truth wise or put in words that were not mine. My daughter has “disowned” me and along with my grandchildren. She has rallied the family this weekend to form her alliances. We have had problems in the past and haven’t spoken for years. Things were slowly getting better and now it has fallen apart. I am a solid Catholic, and I just don’t know how to deal with this, I sent a letter to my cousin who did this and an apology to my daughter asking forgiveness. I don’t even know how to handle this. I am praying, but I feel awful, I feel alone and horribly sad. I don’t know if God is hearing me, or if this relationship with my family will ever be healed. No one cares to hear my side of the story. I feel very lost.

FATHER JOE: I do not know what was discussed and am unsure how I might help you. But I will say a prayer for you, that God might heal the situation and that you may be strong and maintain hope.
Sue, on August 1, 2015 at 2:58 pm said:

I want to observe the Five First Saturdays. In doing this should I attend Mass on Sunday also?

FATHER JOE: Sunday Mass attendance is mandatory as a precept of the Church, regardless of private devotions.
catholicgirl, on August 1, 2015 at 11:10 am said:

Dear Fr Joe,

I am almost 40 and have never been married. My Catholic faith, thank God, has been my anchor in a stormy world. I have lived about seven years in a rural town. I have noticed a very high incidence of unwed mothers. An old Catholic priest to whom I spoke about a single lady who adopted a child, told me there must be something wrong with her and that she should have gotten her own baby. I pointed out that she was not married. He said it did not matter, that what was important was to have a child with your own blood. He said that he was speaking as an African male, religion aside.
I was shocked by this because otherwise he was a holy orthodox priest.
The trend of unwed mothers or single mothers has penetrated even the Church community at our parishes.

My question is have times changed so much that as a Catholic single person should I go out and get a baby without being married? Or should i stick to chastity and forget the trends and wrong advice. This weighs on my mind a lot.

Thanks and God bless you.

FATHER JOE: Externals can be deceiving and the priest may not be as holy as you want to believe. He is certainly a dissenter. I pray that he has been faithful to the celibacy he promised God and the Church. The Church is pro-life and every mother should bring her baby to term. However, men and women should be ashamed to have children outside of wedlock. It remains a terrible scandal. Sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin. No good priest would recommend committing such sin. The biological clock is ticking. It may soon be too late to have a child. But babies are not commodities and no one has a right to a child. A baby is a gift. Know that you can have a happy and fulfilling life as you are. However, if you desire a companion, then make yourself available for chaste courtship. Marriage is intimately connected to having children, but it is also the relationship established by God for men and women to find fidelity and spousal love. As a priest, I have embraced a celibate love. You should discern the state of life to which God is calling you and how he would have you love. Peace!
ANNAVICTORSCA, on July 31, 2015 at 8:13 pm said:

Father Joe, i’d like to invite you on my blog. It’s kind of testimony. https://annavictorsca.wordpress.com
God bless. Anna.
Glo, on July 29, 2015 at 6:55 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe,
Is there rule about how soon after recieving Holy Communion one can eat?
Thanks and God bless you.

FATHER JOE: Fifteen minutes is recommended.
Donna, on July 29, 2015 at 11:41 am said:

Hello Father,

I am really struggling with a few questions. I hope you can help clarify things a bit for me.

My husband left me a year and a half ago. There was no infidelity of which I know, he just decided he was not happy. He wanted to take a job near his hometown four hours away. He now lives with his parents. My husband is 50 years of age. This job means more money and a higher status in management. We were not short on money and we were doing fine financially. But we did have issues with communication and with his Mother and boundaries.

My quandary is this, how can he go to church every Sunday with his Mom and follow the Catholic ways and traditions while finding it okay to leave his wife? He says this is so as to be able to flirt with other women and to do whatever he wants— making more money and attaining a higher job status. He has made this a priority over his wife, the meeting of his own needs. I say this all very respectfully; so please do not think I am putting down my husband. I am just explaining my husband’s priorities and views at this point in his life.

He went to see a priest that used to be in his hometown church. The priest told him it was okay to be separated from his wife as his parents were separated and still lived very happy lives.

When I spoke to the priest, I asked him, does the Church promote marriage separation or reconciliation?

I asked would it not be good for us as a couple to come and talk with him (together) so that we might at least pray and perhaps find a solution that would be more fitting with the faith?

Father told me that he was neither a social worker nor a marriage counselor and that such was not his job!

Next, he told me to take a class at my local church to learn more about religion so that I could possibly learn the answers I sought to my questions.

He did not offer a prayer and indeed, he made me feel like I was a burden to him. I got off the phone feeling totally rejected by the Church. I was a lost lamb seeking the Church’s help and the Church had turned her back on me.

I called the local Bishop, knowing him from years ago in the same small town. Although he was busy with Easter preparations, he came across as kinder but did not answer my concerns.

I asked, does marriage in the Catholic Church not mean anything?

It seems so easy to leave your wife for money, a member of the opposite sex, and a host of other poor excuses. I read the Bible and it says let no man separate what GOD has joined together. Also it says that you are “married until death do you part.” That holds true even if some gets a divorce. Technically, you are still married and if either partner gets intimate with someone else then it is adultery.

The priest with whom I talked also really promotes annulments. Again, he spent time giving me various reasons and again did nothing to try to bring the marriage together or to promote reconciliation.

So here I am, very confused, wondering why we should even get married. What does it mean if the Church weekly welcomes a man to Mass who leaves his wife to make money or to have a higher status or to have some affairs? Why get married if there are no consequences for these selfish actions and if the priests promote separations and annulments? What does it mean when priests will not try to help a couple in need? Why preach about love and marriage when the Church promotes this complete contradiction?

My husband told me that GOD forgives everyone. Does this mean that we can do whatever we want because the Church will forgive us on weekends?

I am Catholic but I am very confused.

During this situation with my husband, I turned to many Catholics for help and guidance. They had all attended our wedding. But I have been judged and put down. They have not offered any help. I have been treated really disrespectfully for trying to save this marriage.

I discovered one Christian a person that I did not know well who did stand up and tell the rest of them to stop— that here we had someone hurting who needs help. It was a time when I truly felt the spirit of Jesus.

I am also wondering if somewhere in the future I should happen to find someone who loves me, would it be a sin to remarry one day. Does GOD want us to find new partners if our original spouses leave us? If we do find a new partner and remarry are we following society and heading down the wrong path or do we stay single and alone until our ex-spouses passes away? Am I misunderstanding what the Bible is saying?

I read online that I should turn to the Church for help, but I was not offered any help. I even called the people with whom we took our marriage class, but the head of it had to go to a KOC meeting and he never called back. I called other Catholic relatives. The emphasis was all about money and not about GOD. I read that GOD and love is before money but again there was no reconciliation. I was judged on what I could have done instead of what we could do to fix the problem. Is ending a marriage not serious? Is it not breaking a covenant with GOD?

Is it okay because GOD forgives everyone for everything? Please, Father I need your help to understand. What is right? I am so confused. I am a lost sheep and need some help. I thank you very much in advance as I know I may be asking a lot. But I just want to do right in my life. I am human and have made many mistakes. But if I know what is right then it makes it a lot easier to live a better life in accordance to the Word of GOD.

Thank you so much,

Donna B. (One of GOD’S Lost Sheep)

FATHER JOE:

You have gone into some detail, but there may still be elements here unspoken. First, did your husband spell out why he was unhappy? Second, do either of you suffer from mental illness, as with depression or a bipolar condition? Third, when your husband wanted the new job position, were you willing to move with him or did you object? (I have known cases where wives faulted husbands for leaving them when the truth was that they refused to follow their husbands.) Fourth, how long have you been married? Fifth, what are your ages and do you have children? Sixth, are you a homemaker or do you also work outside the home?

Unless there are grounds for an annulment, marriage is to last until the natural death of one of the spouses. Thus, as you suggest, divorce and remarriage outside the Church would constitute adultery. Even if there is no remarriage, abandonment of a spouse is a sin because it deprives him or her from the spouse’s rightful affection and support. It can also lead them into further sin. As for the priest, I cannot know his side of the story. However, in principle, priests should counsel reconciliation and urge marital counseling. We do assist with annulments but the adjudication is left to the Tribunal.
Tina Riley, on July 29, 2015 at 11:24 am said:

Father Joe, is it necessary to have a Miraculous Medal or St Benedict medal blessed by a priest? Or a rosary for that matter? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: It is customary but even without a formal blessing they can still function as sacramentals. Once blessed they should not be sold.
julie lee, on July 29, 2015 at 10:45 am said:

The famous question.how do i explain tomy children that God is full of mercy and compassion.As they think well as long as I am sorry before i die GOd will forgive me.Sowhats the point of being good as he will forgivr anyway.I say well we will be judged because we know better and know Gods intentions for us to live a holy life.But they say so by you giving us knowledge you have made us live a harder life as ignorance is an easier life.

FATHER JOE: The ignorant are not necessarily saved and have little recourse in regard to the truth. Presumption of God’s mercy is a sin, especially if we have failed to cooperate with the various means that Jesus instituted for forgiveness and grace. Just asking for mercy at the end of life will not save us, especially if our life and faith practice shows a hollow or empty faith. Even if such mercy were possible, many are taken from this world with little or no notice. Waiting until the end will likely mean waiting until it is too late. Hell is real and many of the saints felt that most people will be damned. We can hope otherwise, but it is entirely up to God and how we cooperate with the call to holiness.
Liz, on July 28, 2015 at 10:22 am said:

I was wondering how to deal with anger biblically, but everywhere I read about dealing with anger biblically, there all say things that I “shouldn’t be angry about” and that I should basically only have righteous anger. I feel like this is just impossible because I am not god, I am human and I feel like I can’t necessarily control what I get angry about. There’s no way I can only have righteous anger . I’m not perfect, but I do want to learn how to DEAL with anger biblically no matter what kind of anger it is.

FATHER JOE: Emotions are not sins in themselves. The anger that we need to reign in is that which lashes out with vulgarity of words and violence of actions. It is the anger that disposes us to hate our neighbor or to do him harm. Indeed, it begins with a deadly disposition where we curse or damn others. It is this anger that Jesus tells us violates the commandment, “Thou shall not kill.” We must nurture a peaceful spirit. We are called to love those who hate us, to pray for those who persecute us, and to give to those who would take from us. We must also learn to accept God’s providence in difficult situations. I believe this is how we struggle to live out the biblical mandate.