Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Marisa martinez, on May 8, 2015 at 5:05 am said:

Sir, I’m in fear that my family 5 might be possessed by a bad spirit. Is there any indicators that I might need to pay close attention to. My 2 tell me stories of dreams of darkness. My newest child exhibits signs of not being alone. I fear her at times and she is only 5 days old. I myself have been going through a lot sometimes I have to ask myself if it’s me seeing and hearing things or is this really take place. I have received little validation, but I am aware that the devil is a manipulator. Please help. I hear Cry’s and screams of my children.

FATHER JOE: If you have recently given birth I would urge you to contact your doctor as soon as possible and let him know about what you are experiencing. Please do this, for your sake and the wellbeing of your children. I will keep you in prayer.
Melanie, on May 8, 2015 at 12:15 am said:

Father,
A question about absolution…
Under what circumstances could a person receive absolution directly from God (in the absence of a confession to a priest) according to the Church?

Thank you for any knowledge you can lend.

FATHER JOE: There are certain sins reserved for the Church to absolve, in particular various mortal sins. Sins like abortion might also have censures (excommunication) that would require a priest with the proper faculties. Even in cases of general absolution, penitents are still required to confess mortal sins when auricular confession becomes available. As long as one approaches a priest with sufficient sorrow and a desire for amendment of life, the absolution of the priest gives a level of certitude that cannot be matched by private prayer. There is value in a perfect act of contrition and God hears our cries for mercy. However, sin is not just a private affair but has a corporate connection. The Sacrament of Penance heals us as part of the Church. Singular graces are also given by the absolution and penance that help us in our discipleship and remit some degree of the temporal punishment due to sin. Thus, a person might find forgiveness outside the sacrament but not the sacramental helps for holiness. One might also suffer a longer or more intense duration in Purgatory. The sacrament also assists us against self-deception. One might presume forgiveness and salvation when he or she is still a lost soul.
Hannah, on May 7, 2015 at 10:25 pm said:

Hello,

I have a friend who is very religious and she is completely against gay marriage because of what the bible says. I am not personally religious but have read parts of the bible and haven’t found anything relating to what she is saying. I was hoping you could give me your views as a priest, Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

The Bible (Old and New Testament) condemns homosexual acts as serious sins. Marriage is reserved to men and women who by nature can generate new human life. The Church opposes it because of both divine positive law and natural law.

You can read more about this in a post here from last year:

https://bloggerpriest.com/2014/09/19/conflict-between-homosexuality-catholicism/
Ruth, on May 6, 2015 at 7:18 am said:

Dear Father,
How do I react when a person who was once a best friend since my school days breaks her friendship with me and laughs at my misery and loneliness?

The pain is unbearable. I end up crying every time I think of our past friendship and the wicked smile she gives me now.

I know Jesus asked us to pardon our enemies and pray for them, but this is just not easy.

FATHER JOE: Betrayal is never easy. We like to think that EVIL is something far way and with people we will never meet. The truth is that it is very near, even in people dear to us… those we want to love. Continue to love and to pray for her. Let her know that you are not so willing to throw away your friendship. Be strong and trust the Lord. Brush aside or better yet work through feelings of “misery and loneliness.” These can lead YOU in the wrong direction.
Jen Hutchinson, on May 3, 2015 at 9:44 pm said:

Hi Father,

I have a question about keeping the Sabbath holy. If you spend Sunday mornings going to church, eating lunch with the family, reading the bible, playing with the kids, etc., is it permissible to take an hour to do a task such as mowing or weeding the yard? Would it be a mortal sin to take part in such activity?

Thanks!

FATHER JOE:

It is probably okay but here is the rule:

[2185] On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body. Family needs or important social service can legitimately excuse from the obligation of Sunday rest. The faithful should see to it that legitimate excuses do not lead to habits prejudicial to religion, family life, and health.
Amanda Mish, on May 2, 2015 at 6:39 pm said:

Is it okay for 16 year old and older girls to wear thongs?

FATHER JOE: Immodesty is always a sin.
Jessica, on May 2, 2015 at 2:57 pm said:

Hi Father,
I was reading the diary of St. Faustina Kowalska about divine mercy – it’s a wonderful book to read and I learned a lot about Jesus’ mercy and his passion by reading the book.

I just have some question about the divine mercy and the hour of mercy devotion. In the diary Jesus said to St. Faustina:

“(During the hour of mercy, that is, 3 pm) I will refuse nothing to the soul that makes a request of me in virtue of my passion. In this hour you can obtain everything for yourself and for the others for the asking”

If I ask Jesus to grant my petition during the hour of mercy as I meditate on the total abandonment that Jesus experienced during His passion, will Jesus literally grant everything that I request of Him?

I do understand that ultimate goal for me to practice of this devotion (or any devotions) should be to bring myself closer to the heart of Jesus, and yes indeed, this is the thing that matters a lot to me…I want to be closer to Jesus at any cost. Yet as being a human, sometimes I have lots on my mind and I do have some life goals that I want to achieve, such as the grace of receiving sacrament of marriage with the special someone, or obtaining an employment for the job I applied for, or grace for me to move in with my friend from my parish and living with her (I feel that her place is a really nice place for me to live and that living with her will help me to grow into a better Christian).

If I present all those petitions at the feet of Jesus during the hour of mercy, and humbly ask Jesus to grant all these specific petitions, will he grant them all? Again, I do understand that the core of this devotion is to meditate on the total abandonment of Jesus during the hour that Jesus was crucified, and I will not neglect this core part of the devotion. I will NOT take this devotion only as a mere tool for me to fulfill my personal desires.

Thank you Father,

FATHER JOE: As in other devotions, you cannot demand absolute specificity in the petitions granted. Everything the soul needs or cries out for refers to the grace of sanctity and conversion. You do not need to be married so as to be saved. Jobs vary but we should concentrate on our call to holiness and our vocation in life. Private revelation should never be reduced to superstition or to something akin to wishing upon Aladdin’s lamp.
Ana, on May 1, 2015 at 2:26 pm said:

Thank you for answering my questions so promptly, Father.

Of course, lots of love should be given. The few I heard speak on YouTube seemed to have gone through some really rough stuff over their condition. Those who are called to celibacy, I think, has a sort of special blessing in a way, since they get to be like the angels in a sense.

I’m sorry, I’d forgotten you said that also. That’s how it all sounded to me back then, my impression of the conversation. I’d also just been very insecure lately about things like that – I think it’s warping my sense of reality.

Thanks again. I’ll try not to forget.
-Ana
Ana, on May 1, 2015 at 1:20 pm said:

I’d forgotten to ask this second question, also about Church teaching in sexuality – sorry. It’s about your reply to a question I asked you once here that still troubles me:

Some time ago, I’d asked you if a wife (or husband) could ask for some time away from intimacy with his/her spouse for whatever valid reason (still healing from past sexual abuse being the reason of focus), and you said “No”, much in the defense of husbands whose abusive wives would threaten them with of no sexual intimacy (which is awful. I was asking, by the way, from the standpoint of one who was abused a lot as a child, and worried if I had to be as sexually available to my husband as I was to my abusers like my mother always taught me.

That all said, my second question is, does marital rape not exist in Church teaching, as it is in Islam? Spouses can take the other whenever they want, regardless of how the other spouse feels?

Thanks,
-Ana

FATHER JOE:

I suspect that my answer was more nuanced than you describe. If a person is suffering serious trauma from earlier abuse or has major psychological hurdles, then he or she should not get married until there is some sort of resolution. These problems are best not brought into a marriage as they can damage the validity of the union. One must be capable of fulfilling the obligations of marriage.

I wrote that “Marriage is a dialogue between a man and a woman, between the head and the heart of the home.” There are the various types of dysfunction that taint the beauty of sexual union in marriage. Sex is not mere recreation. It should not be corrupted as a payment or bribe. There must always be a sense of gift. There has to be mutual respect. There is also the element of duty. “Couples have an obligation to each other and to God. They must be open to each other and to children. There can be no retraction of the vows. When a man and woman get married; they afterwards go home and to bed. The two become one flesh. This is more than a sex act. It is an expression of their covenant with each other and with God. It is hard to hold on to the divine mystery. Just as we must receive the Eucharist again and again; couples repeatedly return to the marital act as a sacramental encounter with each other and the Lord. Given their state of life, denial of this union can lead not only to weakening in their union but harm to the soul.”

I responded to you in October of last year that “the Church would never condone rape, in- or outside of marriage. Here rape is defined not merely as a sexual act but as a violent assault. Violence or aggression is contrary to the basic meaning of the conjugal union.” As you can see, the question was already answered.

God bless!
Ana, on May 1, 2015 at 2:50 am said:

Dear Fr. Joe,

I just learned about intersex, and wondered where it fit in the Church’s teaching about sexuality, since these people seem to be physically male and female.

Thanks,
-Ana

FATHER JOE: It is a congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system. If DNA gender can be determined, surgery might be an option. They need our love and respect as persons. However, if male or female gender cannot be clearly determined, the Church would teach that such people are called to life-long celibacy. Often sterility is already part of the scenario. Despite efforts by certain contemporary “experts” to classify the situation as normal, most people recognize that it is an unfortunate aberration.
Dominique, on May 1, 2015 at 2:14 am said:

Hi Father Joe 🙂

Do all God’s promise come true “word by word”? I think God made me a very important promise to me and I still have to discern about it, but even if it really was God making a promise to me, I am having a hard time believing it because it rather sounds “impossible”……If it was really God speaking to me through the holy spirit, will it really happen “word by word”?

FATHER JOE: I neither know whether God has spoken to you nor what you feel has been promised. It may be either spiritual or psychological deception. Not enough is said to make a determination.
Dominic, on May 1, 2015 at 2:03 am said:

Thank you Father! 🙂
Dominic, on April 30, 2015 at 2:00 pm said:

Hi Father,

1. Do we Catholics believe that if God is unwilling to make a certain event to take place, then it doesn’t take place in this world?

2. If the answer to Q1 is yes, how should I explain to my atheist friend all the wars and crimes that are taking place in this world? He is trying to make me not to believe in the existence of God

Thank you,

FATHER JOE:

“Do we Catholics believe that if God is unwilling to make a certain event to take place, then it doesn’t take place in this world?” Your answer is in the question. God is almighty. If he does not intend something (with either a direct or passive will) then it does not exist. But remember that acts are stringed together. God’s creative act cannot be parceled out. The act of creation is a whole from the beginning to the final consummation. It includes within it our response and his intervention in salvation history. Divine providence is not the same as fate or the various versions of absolute determinism. I thought previous responses made this clear. If you pit his allowance for freedom against particular acts of his creatures, then you create a scenario fraught with inner contradictions. Logic would say that you cannot have it both ways. What I mean is this: you cannot have God simultaneously permit what he refuses to permit. Freedom does not oblige us to sin but given our brokenness, it will not make it impossible either.

There are things that God directly intends and then there are actions that he allows. We only know a world after the fall and the presence of both moral and natural evil. God grants room for free will, in terms of both faithful discipleship and rebellious sin. God’s will is also much more primal then I suspect you imagine. He creates the laws of nature. He maintains you in existence… every atom, each molecule. When we speak of natural laws or even the various theories of the universe in physics, it is God who sets the patterns. We might figure out the math but the calculations and order starts with God. He makes possible both the paper and the writing upon the paper. His is both the canvas and the painting upon it.

God maintains in existence both the person with a loving heart who cares for others as well as the villain who murders for sport or selfish pleasure. Satan and the damned are not annihilated as such would violate the divine economy. God is not capricious. “Thy will be done” includes the fidelity of Christ which brought him to the Passion and Cross. It also includes the admonition of our Lord to “take up your crosses and follow him.” God the Father does not directly will the torture and murder of his Son. However, he does desire his faithfulness to the mission given him. When we had done all we could to him, Jesus rose from the dead. It is in light of this that he tells his apostles “Peace be with you” and “Be not afraid.”

What God does is elective. He did not have to create us at all. The Church teaches that sin came into our world on our side of the equation. You must view the direction of divine providence in terms of the larger scope and not exclusively in certain isolated acts we experience in this world. You might pray that particular evils not befall you but it is entirely up to God as to how he responds. He always answers prayer but sometimes the answer is NO or NOT NOW. Again there is a profound mystery which we must accept. God can even suspend natural law (miracles) however he is not obliged to do so.
Patricia, on April 30, 2015 at 1:01 pm said:

What rank were the fallen angels before they sinned?

FATHER JOE: There is speculation but I suspect it varied.
Ruth, on April 29, 2015 at 3:29 pm said:

Father, how can I as a Christian be a good example of Christ to others? Amidst family, friends, neighbors, colleagues? Especially to the NON-BELIEVERS.
I also have issues with my temper. I try so hard but it gets the better of me and I end up hating people who do wrong to me, thus avoiding them.

FATHER JOE: Worship God, say your prayers and follow the commandments… especially Christ’s two-fold law of love. When you fall short, say you are sorry and ask for forgiveness… from God and men.
Mara, on April 29, 2015 at 2:20 pm said:

Hi, Father! I have a question about where to “draw the line” when it comes to the paranormal. Of course, one is just asking for a demon by doing stupid and forbidden things like dabbling in the occult (playing with ouija boards, conducting seances, etc.). But I doubt there is anything other than harmless fun in things like reading scary stories, telling ghost tales around a campfire, and the like. From Hamlet to Bram Stoker to the Vanishing Hitchiker, stories about things that go bump in the night have been part of human culture forever.

I love good haunted house lore, and live only a short distance from Ed and Lorraine Warren’s occult museum in Connecticut. Honestly, the place sounds a little too ridiculous for my taste, but I have a friend who would like to go check it out. My initial reaction is that it’s probably a bad idea, but I’m not sure if that’s maybe an overreaction. What do you think? I don’t think I’m going to go–I would rather err on the side of *not* blaspheming–but I still would very much like to know where the line is drawn when it comes to spooky stuff.

Thanks!

FATHER JOE: I was not aware they had a museum. As long as you are a stable personality I can see little wrong with taking a tour. The Warrens were known to be very devout Roman Catholics… despite their peculiar line of work.
Ruth, on April 29, 2015 at 4:45 am said:

Father, is it okay to conceal income to pay a lesser amount or no tax at all? Or is it wrong according to the church.
I have no taxable income, but I work in an office under people who assess taxable incomes of their clients and who often help clients conceal their income. Is my work in the eyes of God wrong since I only do whatever is asked of me by my boss.
I am worried that God may punish me.

FATHER JOE: I know little about tax matters. If it is illegal than it is probably wrong and sinful.
Elias, on April 29, 2015 at 12:54 am said:

Hello Father,

This year has been a tough year for me. School is getting harder and stressful and my friendship with classmates is deteriorating. I want to pray to God for this nightmare to be over. However, sometimes I feel like God isn’t there when I need him. I want to love God, but I don’t know if He still loves me. I’ve sinned in the past, but I try to ask for forgiveness. I don’t want to be alone without God. I want God to be my best friend and we can go through everything together as a family. I’m afraid of my future father. What should I do?

Thank you,

Elias

FATHER JOE: Don’t get stressed out by the things you cannot change. Know that God loves you. His love is unconditional. Life is not always easy, but every day is a gift.
Kristin, on April 28, 2015 at 5:25 am said:

Hello Father,

I first want to thank you for taking the time to read my post…

Father I was in a relationship for just under 2 years. We were rather serious. We lived together with my daughter. He was the only father my daughter ever knew and he took on the role as her father with no real encouragement needed, something which made me fall even more in love with him. I guess it doesn’t really matter how we broke up; but we did, last June. And in October of last year, he decided he was walking away not only from me but from my daughter. I am still so heartbroken. I thought we working on things but it turns out he wasn’t. Needless to say I feel so broken. I still love this man as much as I did before and I can’t seem to stop loving him. He has moved on and is in a new relationship. We have no contact. Sometimes I burst out into tears when my daughter asks for him (she’s four) or when I imagine the sensation of his hug or feeling him lying next to me. I’m so confused. Everyone says let him go but how do I do that? What does that even mean? How do you let go of someone you love so unconditionally? I don’t excuse the pain he caused or the wrongs he has done but somehow I love him despite them. I love him without even being with him. How do I no longer feel the pain of losing him of losing the family I had? I feel pathetic— loving someone who clearly didn’t love me or my child. Please help me!

FATHER JOE:

One of the reasons that the Church offers marriage preparation and requires a six month waiting period is to help couples in putting on the brakes and to properly reflect before getting married and living together. Nevertheless, more couples cohabitate today than those who do not. While there is no guarantee of fidelity in marriage, living-together relationships outside the sacrament are notorious for being transitory. It was easy for this man to walk away because you were not his wife. You may have lived together out of convenience but there was no contract or covenant. The state itself has brushed aside the old common law marriages rules. Nevertheless, right or wrong, you loved this man, your child embraced him as a father figure, and now he is gone. You must move on but how do you do this?

Love brings great joy but it also ushers forth tremendous vulnerability. It is evident that your relationship lacked certain mutuality. You loved him. He evidently liked you, or the shared roof, or the convenience of sex… but he did not love you enough to stay with you. Your feelings are wasted on such a man. You were used, even your child, but then you were thrown away. This should make you angry with him and yourself. You and the child are probably better off to be rid of him. I suspect that you are in love with a fantasy— the man you had imagined him to be— but now with his defection you must face the disconnect— he is not the man of your dreams. Indeed, this relationship has devolved into a nightmare for you. It is past time to wake up. He is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. What you can control is how you respond and what you do from now on, for yourself and your child. The immediate concern is your financial stability. Do not jump into another romantic relationship. Give it time. Return to church and make sure that your child gets her religious formation and the sacraments. God loves you and he will never abandon you. Trust in that love and say your prayers. Jesus also knew what it was to be betrayed by people he loved. Peter denies him and Judas betrays him with a kiss. Find solace in the fact that we have a Savior who knows your hurt; indeed, one who has carried the burden of the entire world’s sins.

Talk to your local priest and celebrate reconciliation. There may even be counseling available. Remember that you must be strong for your little girl. You are her whole world. She is the one who deserves your love and attention right now.

Peace!
Teresa Rudi, on April 27, 2015 at 2:20 pm said:

Father Joe: I have a constant fear that there are sins, possible mortal sins in my past that I never confessed and repented for that I now can’t remember. Even though in confession to ease my mind I have said in confession after saying my sins that ” I am sorry for these sins and all the sins of my past life.” I’m afraid I won’t be able to go to heaven because of unconfessed mortal sin.

Thank you, Teresa

FATHER JOE: Serious sins that are forgotten are still absolved in the sacrament. They are forgiven. Be not afraid.
Ruth, on April 27, 2015 at 1:25 pm said:

ooh my goodness..what an explanation father. Thank you. Silly me thinking that love and lust were the same in a wedlock. However in this corrupt world i’m so worried about finding a man who would have that sacred respect for my body.

Another question father, is it wrong to address a priest or nun by their name if they are family or friends? A classmate and friend of mine is soon going to be ordained as a nun. Can i continue calling her by her name or do I have to use the suffix Sr.?

FATHER JOE: My siblings call me Joe in private. However, in public, I am Father Joe. I think this is a good practice to follow. FYI, religious sisters and nuns are not ordained. Only clergy are ordained. Religious take vows and are consecrated.
Ruth, on April 27, 2015 at 8:28 am said:

“The late Pope John Paul II taught us that lust, even in marriage, is a sin. Playing such games is more an element of lust then the lawful passion between spouses”

I am confused here..Father could you please tell me what’s the difference between love and lust between a MARRIED couple? Both involve foreplay and intercourse. So what’s wrong with a few playful games? I thought everything is permitted between a man and his wife.

FATHER JOE: No, everything or anything is not permitted. Human sexuality is a serious matter and should never be taken lightly. Lust devalues the person and undermines human dignity. The spouse must always be treated with a sacred respect. Foreplay would not give legitimacy to anal intercourse, which belongs to the bestial and the disoriented. The mouth is made for speech, eating, breathing and kisses… and is also not intended as an orifice for sexual consummation. Passion celebrates union with a particular person. Passion is here understood as a component of love. Passion works within God’s commands and order, not outside. Lust, on the other hand, knows no boundaries. Lust makes persons interchangeable and knows nothing of fidelity. Lust reduces the beloved to meat thrown to the dogs. Lust makes the other into a means to an ends, and little more. While passion is willful and respects human acts; lust is out of control and animalistic. There is a big difference. The lawful passion of a husband and wife invokes grace and is life-giving. Lust constitutes a mortal sin that brings forth shame and barrenness. While passion makes possible loving couples with children; lust is the chief incentive for adultery, pornography, contraception and abortion.
Marie P, on April 25, 2015 at 9:41 pm said:

Father, my dad who is not Catholic (I am) but belongs to a non-denomination Church keeps saying God is not making things go right in my life because I refuse to have a relationship with another member of my family. This is despite my explaining that having this person’s presence in my life is negative and several other members of my family also deciding for similar reasons to not have a relationship with the person. I am so upset because the God my dad is describing is veneful and this is not who I believe God to be. I have doing nothing bad to this person I just do not speak to them because of how they behave. Is God veneful?

FATHER JOE: God would have us reconcile with others whenever possible. But God is not out to get us or to make our lives miserable in such situations. Of course, we do much to ourselves. Not knowing this person, I cannot say for sure how you should act. There are some people that make it very hard to interact with them. Peace!
Jennifer Hutchinson, on April 25, 2015 at 2:58 pm said:

Father,

I have a question about something that happened 13 years ago. I was in college and driving my car. I stopped at a red light. I was looking to turn right and began creeping forward. Out of nowhere a bicyclist came driving across the street. Of course I put on my brakes, stopping completely, and he put his hands on my car and either drove or walked his bike to the corner. At this point I remember him yelling at me. From his expression it looked like he might have felt some pain but I’m not sure because then he got back on his bike, and left the scene of the accident. When I turned the corner I saw him sitting on his bike further down the block.

Being young and dumb I didn’t know if I should follow him and ask if he wanted to exchange info. I watched him and slowly continued on my way. I wasn’t sure if this would be a mortal sin? I truly feel I would have stopped if he wanted any interaction with me but I also know I was scared so maybe I didn’t want to stop?

Since its been so long I don’t know why this is now entering my conscience but want to make amends if need be.

Thanks!

FATHER JOE: Say a prayer for him. Since you still need a healing of this memory, the next time you see a priest or go to Confession, mention it and have the priest offer the healing and peace of the sacrament. God bless!
Josh, on April 25, 2015 at 12:04 am said:

Hi Father,

I am heavily into Theoretical Physics and I have some questions about the claims of the modern day Theoretical Physicists and teachings of the Catholic Church.

One of the claims of modern Theoretical Physics is that there are “more than one future or timeline of things”. For example, at the given moment “A”, in one universe I can be sitting down, and in another universe I can be standing up (so I can basically sitting down and standing up at the same time! my goodness). Do we, as Catholics, believe that there is only one past, one future, one timeline, and one history? I think we believe that there is only one timeline because St. Thomas Aquinas in Summa Theologica quotes that “God cannot undone what has already done in the past” – This seems to suggest that Catholic Church believe in the one-ness of time.

Are the Theoretical Physicists wrong?

Thank you,

FATHER JOE: Aquinas taught philosophy and theology, not physics. We cannot make more of it than it is. As for modern physics, there are specialists who offer a philosophy of science. I am not one of these. However, I should say that what you comment touches speculation, not certain truth. If there are other dimensions, and this has not been demonstrated, they may be wholly different from our own. In other words, there is probably no other YOU. Even the string theories diverge and posit different numbers of alternative dimensions. Which one is right? As far as I know, while the laws of relativity would allow a change in the speed of one’s movement into the future (with sufficient energy and a mechanism for spacial and temporal dislocation), this movement is one way. I am of the opinion that backwards time travel is impossible. Certainly, such would complicate divine providence.