Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Zoey, on April 15, 2015 at 1:22 pm said:

Good morning father,

Currently I am about to graduate college, through searching for jobs I feel defeated. I’ve worked so hard through my undergrad and I’m continuing my education into a Master’s program. I know His plans are bigger and better than I can fathom but it’s hard to see the light at the end when my current view is road blocks and confusion. When God puts us through these challenges, how do we keep the faith and give the problem to Him instead of feeling defeated and upset that He has forgotten about us?

FATHER JOE: Most of life is a challenge. We must embrace struggle as a part of the human experience. We will know both joy and hardship. There will be happiness and great sorrow. Some things will come easy but much will be hard. Roadblocks are challenges that test us. Some dreams will be realized and others will die. New aspirations will be born. There is no resurrection without the cross.
Dominique, on April 14, 2015 at 1:01 pm said:

Good morning Father,
When God speaks, Does He only speak of “absolute truth”(truth that holds in every situations and times)? Or can God’s word be valid only for certain situations and not valid in other circumstances(ie non-absolute truth)?

Thank you

FATHER JOE: Yes, we see something of this distinction between public revelation (the deposit of faith) and private revelation (as with apparitions and interlocutions). The Scriptures might speak to a certain need in your life; however, this might be apart from how the truth is understood for the universal Church. God often speaks to us in prayer a message that is all our own.
chinonye, on April 14, 2015 at 7:04 am said:

Hello Father
This morning I came to mass late, and I hate going late to mass, I was flooded with intense emotions. I tried so hard to fight back tears but couldn’t and got distracted. I feel as though my desire for holiness is driving me nuts! Please how do I control these intense emotions because this can’t be the only time I would go to mass late in my lifetime. Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Emotional overreaction is not something that I can help you with over the Internet. Talk to your local priest and/or seek a counselor. God bless!
Toni, on April 14, 2015 at 4:26 am said:

Hello Father,
I have a question concerning my upcoming convalidation. I am currenty in RCIA classes and am preparing to be received into the church on Pentecost. I have been married to a Catholic for 14 years. He is my sponsor for RCIA. We were married 14 years ago by a Lutheran minister. We now desire to have our marriage accepted by the Catholic Church. I am unbaptized. The priest at our parish told us that because my husband is my RCIA sponsor, that he strongly wishes for us to have our convalidation before I am baptized and confirmed. What is the reason for this ? I am a concerned because I read that if I get married in the catholic church as an unbaptized person that I will not be receiving the sacrament of marriage. For this reason I wonder why we can not wait to have the convalidation after I am baptized so that I can receive the sacrament of marriage. Thank you for any advise or clarity you can offer on this matter.

FATHER JOE:

While your marriage would normally be recognized already, the issue is that your spouse was Catholic. Catholics must be married before a priest or deacon.

Your priest is correct, you should have the convalidation first. Why? You should not receive Baptism, Confirmation and Holy Communion while living in an irregular marriage. If you were to do so, then subsequently having relations with your attempted spouse would constitute serious sin. The pattern is to have the Catholic party go to Confession and to convalidate the union. Once that is done then you will be married in the eyes of the Church and there will be nothing barring full initiation. It is true that your marriage will initially be a NATURAL bond. However, when you are Baptized, your marriage will automatically become a SACRAMENT.

Pentecost will be a wonderful day for you. All at one Mass, you will receive the SACRAMENTS of Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Communion and Marriage! Count them, four sacraments… what a glory day! Congratulations.
Samantha, on April 13, 2015 at 2:53 am said:

Hi Father, I have a question about dating. I’m engaged to a hard working, kind, truly good man, but we are on different levels when it comes to our Catholic faith. He is not as interested in growing closer to Christ through prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. I trust that The Lord is working in him, but I am concerned that by marrying him I will be responsible for his spiritual growth. I’ve often heard my Catholic friends talk about finding the mate who will help them strive toward sainthood, and I question whether mine can help me do that. But I know Jesus alone has saved me. Is it okay for me to marry a man who is not the spiritual leader of our family in terms of The Church, or is my praying for him enough to please The Lord? Are the vows of marriage tied to salvation? Thank you so much for your guidance.

FATHER JOE:

The Church is always wary of situations wherein Catholics desire to marry either non-Catholics or Catholics who have fallen away from their faith. Spouses are called to be helpmates in growth toward holiness. This does not mean that you cannot do so alone, but it is a definite handicap given your state of life. The Catholic faith views marriage as a sacrament and as such it is intimately connected to grace and salvation. The marital act is viewed as a renewal or consummation of the covenant of Christ. You are to see something of the Lord in one another. This truth prevents marital love from becoming idolatry. The Lord identifies himself with the beloved. Your fidelity to each other is a major element in your faithfulness to God. Paralleling the natural relationships, the spouses also take on a spiritual fatherhood and motherhood. This leadership is fully realized with the gift of children and the obligation to pass on our faith and values.

Will he allow you to continue living out your faith after marriage? Will he abide by the Catholic understanding of human sexuality and intimacy? Will he support you (on any level) in raising the children in the faith? As long as no active hindrance is anticipated, the Church would permit marriage. However, you will have to settle with an experience of marriage and family life that will not be ideal. The greater spiritual weight would be upon you. How will he feel about Christian symbols in the home? Could you have a prayer corner or shrine? How would you all feel when you and the kids go to Mass and he stays home? What would be the impact in the home when the children pray with you and not with their father? Might he come to resent the situation? Or, might he eventually come around?

I think it is an important topic for discussion, both with each other and with the priest who will preside. Have you seen a priest yet for the Pre-Cana classes and other preparation?
Keirys, on April 12, 2015 at 4:16 pm said:

Hello, Pastor. I’m a young woman deeply interested in apologetics, in order to be able to defend my faith, I want to grow in my understanding of God’s Word. Can you please help me to understand Romans 8:29? Also, how can I defend the parts that mention slavery and other very ugly things in Deuteronomy and Leviticus?

FATHER JOE:

Romans 8:28-30: “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, so that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined he also called; and those he called he also justified; and those he justified he also glorified.”

While we are not promised perfect happiness in this world, those who truly return God’s love will not be abandoned and will know the Lord’s joy. God’s providence cannot be circumvented, even by sin. We see this in the redemptive work of Jesus and throughout salvation history. God knows who belongs to him and who will turn away. Until the final harvest of souls, we live in the sure and certain hope of our salvation in Christ; however, it is often difficult for us to distinguish between the wheat and the weeds.

While we are given the freedom to say YES or NO to God, there is what St. Augustine called the predestination to glory. This is quite different from what is often ascribed to Calvin. God does not foretell the future because in God there is an eternal now. He sees our lives and all human history as an immediate moment. By comparison, we view only a tiny portion of the whole picture.

We are spiritually adopted by God in faith and baptism. We become sons and daughters of the Father, brothers and sisters to Christ. Jesus has gone ahead of us to make a place for us. Any who would be saved must know a transformation by grace into the likeness of Christ. If the Father recognizes his Son alive in us then he will give us a share in his Son’s reward.

The providence of God is mysterious. We could not have faith or say that Jesus is Lord were it not for the movement of the Holy Spirit in us. All is gift. God calls whom he wills.

What about slavery and other dark matters as in Deuteronomy and Leviticus? Certain teachings are confirmed in the New Testament, others are nuanced or corrected. The Bible is inspired and infallible, but not like a manual or textbook. For instance, Jesus forbids divorce despite the earlier Mosaic writ of divorce. He speaks about it as a distortion due to the hardness of hearts. The Bible cannot be understood merely from isolated verses or so-called proof texts. It must be interpreted in a contextual way that respects the totality of Scripture.

Further, just as there was a progressive understanding of God and faith, this process continues in the life of the Church. It is not that God or truth changed, but rather our capacity advanced to understand the deposit of faith received.

When it comes to slavery, the seeds for its abolition are clearly planted in the New Testament. It was an institution regarded as a fact of life. However, slaves were to be treated a brothers and sisters in Christ and fellow heirs of the kingdom. While it would take many centuries, this high regard for the dignity of persons would whittle away at slavery until it became a prospect untenable for most believers. Cardinal Newman spoke about this as the organic development of doctrine.
Bret Cervantes, on April 12, 2015 at 1:33 am said:

I would like to know if God would ever physically blind someone?

FATHER JOE:

Ours is the God that opens the ears of the deaf and makes the blind see. But, to answer your question, look to Acts 9:3-9:

On his journey, as he was nearing Damascus, a light from the sky suddenly flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” He said, “Who are you, sir?” The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, for they heard the voice but could see no one. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him to Damascus. For three days he was unable to see, and he neither ate nor drank.
Blanca, on April 11, 2015 at 1:52 pm said:

Hi Father. A friend of mine has become a yoga instructor and was talking to me about chakras and chakra balancing. Is this against our faith? If I have my “chakras balanced” would I be opening portals for demons or sinning? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: While an argument can be made for certain stretching exercises, the religious or philosophical elements you mention conflict with the Catholic faith. As such they are forbidden to Catholics and other Christians.
James, on April 10, 2015 at 9:12 pm said:

For many years I was a non-Catholic Christian. I was married and divorced three times during that period. I am now a “senior,” and am increasingly drawn to the Catholic faith.

Does my having been divorced and remarried in the past prevent me from becoming a Roman Catholic in good standing?

FATHER JOE:

It all depends…

Were any of the prior bonds to a Catholic? Were any in the Church? The marriage of non-Catholics before a minister or civil magistrate would be recognized as valid by the Catholic Church. If this were the case a formal annulment might be required. Have any of the prior spouses died? The Church views marriage as ending with death.

Are you currently married or living as husband and wife with someone? If not, then you might be able to take instruction and become a Catholic… of course you would be expected to live a chaste life.

Talk with a local priest and see what he can do for you. God bless!
chinonye, on April 10, 2015 at 3:33 pm said:

Hello Father, please can you explain to me the meaning of purity of heart? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: The pure of heart are close to God and his gift of salvation. They live and love for God. Their hearts are free from or cleansed of obstacles to God and his grace. St. Augustine asserted, “Our hearts are restless O Lord, until they rest in you.”
Pat, on April 10, 2015 at 12:22 am said:

Hi Father Joe,

I have a question about priests and marriage…

Let’s say a Roman Catholic priest is in a deep love with a women, and let’s also assume that he decided to take proper steps to become laicised and to obtain dispensation from the pope to get married in Catholic church. Is it sinful for the priest to do so, abandoning his ministry to get married? I don’t know if Jesus will be happy with such a decision made by the man whom he chose to ordain as a priest.

Thank you Father for listening to my concern….

FATHER JOE: It may be that a priest has already transgressed into sin given that he is now ready to leave ministry for a woman. Romantic intimacy itself would be wrong and sinful. Laicization can be requested or imposed; but in either case, it is viewed as a punishment. If the priest is laicized and is dispensed (released) from his promise of celibacy then he can be married in the Church. These elements in themselves are not sinful. However, the Church usually regards such a happenstance as tragic and scandalous.
Catherine, on April 9, 2015 at 3:41 pm said:

A couple of questions. First, my husband will not be intimate but he had an affair. We are both Catholic and married in the church I would like for the marriage to work as I do not believe in divorce but he has never put me first in his life and don’t believe that he ever will. He seems to be self centered and only focused on his needs and wants.

FATHER JOE: What is the question? If true, your husband is a rogue. Can he change? Does he want to change? I would recommend serious marital counseling.
Diana Strauss, on April 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm said:

Thank you for taking the time to answer and for clarifying the situation.
Ruth, on April 7, 2015 at 7:04 am said:

Father I have seen many images of our current and previous pope greeting people with a kiss on the lips. Why is that so? Somehow I do not think of it as alright. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

FATHER JOE: I had not noticed. I was aware that there were many fake “photo-shopped” pictures defaming online the Pope.
Brett, on April 6, 2015 at 4:54 am said:

Hello Father,

I was curious what happens when two catholics (one who is practising, the other is not) are unable to marry in either Thier parish or a nearby parish.

The wedding venue has been booked, including a large down payment; however neither my parish nor a local alternative seem to be available on the chosen date.

Thanks!

FATHER JOE: The arrangements should have been made with the priest and parish first. Religious instruction is required, documents must be filled out, baptismal certificates must be collected, etc. There is a general requirement for a six month waiting period. I feel sorry for you but you made this mess for yourselves. Talk to your parish priest about it. Maybe there is a parish that might be used elsewhere? Although Catholics should be married in a home parish. Did any of you attend a local college with a chapel where Masses are said? Military chapels and school oratories are permitted in certain cases as long as a priest presides. In any case, you may be out some money.
notordinarymakhianrrrrr, on April 6, 2015 at 2:38 am said:

Is it an insult to God if we pray for miracles, but expect the worst? Is it possible for us to persistently pray for something and claim it as ours, and yet answer the dictates of the world that time is of the essence and so we should just move on with life as if the answer is a “no”? Can our hearts wait on God, but not knowing when God’s perfect time is, we strive to have low expectations?

I’m sorry I’m just very confused.

FATHER JOE: The one question is this, will we participate in divine love or not? God loves us, no matter what. But some ignore or even reject this love. We see its measure in the Cross. We experience the proof in the smiling face of every child. We know it transformation in every witness of service and mercy. We are already surrounded by the miracles of life and love. Conform your will to Christ’s. Want what God wants.
Yasmin Uriostegui, on April 6, 2015 at 1:27 am said:

Hello father , I’ve been having these chest vibrations for almost a year and there no logical or medical proof of it… Al I know is everytime I got to church or relax / do yoga , it becomes stronger . So I’m assuming it’s a spiritual but I don’t know what it is or what’s the purpose of it please help, it can feel beautifully amazing or in pain too

FATHER JOE: While an argument may be made for Yoga exercises, the mantras and prayers associated with them are not compatible with Christianity. I suspect there is a physical reason for the vibrations that has been missed or the matter is psychosomatic. It would not be spiritual in the Christian or Catholic sense. I could not speak for superstition or the occult.
Debra m, on April 4, 2015 at 4:05 pm said:

Father,
Let me restate my question because it was unclear. I am catholic but married a non practicing Hindu. We married in a cultural Indian ceremony a year and a half ago. Since then so many good things have happened to us and I’ve been finding myself praying and thanking God. I started attending church. We would both like to remarry each other in the catholic faith. Is this possible?
Debra

FATHER JOE: If there is no prior bond then a convalidation in the Church should be possible. However, note that the Catholic Church does not regard you as currently married. Contact your local Catholic priest.
Debra m, on April 4, 2015 at 4:01 pm said:

If I’ve married legally in another faith but was brought up catholic and want to remarry in the church, can I?

FATHER JOE: See other comment for answer.
Chris, on April 3, 2015 at 9:43 pm said:

Thank you for your quick answer during this busy time! Your answer was very helpful. In advance, my wife and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed Easter!
Mark, on April 3, 2015 at 9:36 pm said:

Dear Father,

I have falling away from the church. I have lost my way. I suffer from mental illness. I will say it is a long story, but I want to do something about it. I want to give my life to the church. I feel safe in a church. When I get into the world I lose it. I am not sure where to start.

Thank you for your time,

FATHER JOE: No matter what our state of life, we can walk with Christ and stay close to the Church. We bring our gifts and our weaknesses. We can be true disciples of Christ, both within the walls of our churches and in the world around us.
Chris, on April 3, 2015 at 3:21 am said:

Hello Father,
I have a question regarding a friend that is having a baby with his girlfriend. They are engaged, but have no pending wedding date and I wonder if there ever will be a wedding. My wife and I were sent a copy of a gift registry for the baby along with a personal note seeking our help. He is Jewish, but not practicing, and I think she is a fallen away Catholic, but that is just an educated guess. He sent the links to the registry to friends after her family has shown little interest in the registry. I am not sure of the reason why, but I know she was hurt by this and he is doing “damage control.” Anyway, my friend is very sound financially, so this is not being done out of need. We are joyful that a healthy baby is soon to arrive and that they didn’t choose to abort. But at the same time I am concerned that we would be sending the wrong message by taking part in this way. Of course the innocent child is in the middle. I have slowly been sharing our faith with him and if we resist, even lovingly, I fear he would not understand. I have been regularly reading your blog for a couple of years and love your ministry and defense of the Church! Your thoughts would be very much appreciated. Thank you!

FATHER JOE: As you said, the baby is the innocent party in the middle. I think a gift for a child in such a situation is okay. Where I would draw the line, and here I am speaking personally, would be in things like house-warming gifts and/or a celebration that encourages cohabitation. You want to show a pro-life love for the child that does not reward sex-outside-of-marriage behavior but would commend giving the child a life outside the womb. Things that are of immediate use to fathers and mothers might also be fitting since they are in sync with their natural vocation and obligations.
Gigi, on April 2, 2015 at 5:41 pm said:

Dear Father Joseph, I have a question. If a person has diminished self-control due to a medical condition, can he/she still be guilty of sin?

FATHER JOE: It depends upon how terribly it is diminished and how the situation was reached. For instance, personal judgment is compromised when a person drinks too much alcohol or takes certain drugs. While the culpability for acts is affected, there is also fault for consuming that which confuses the mind or hampers the will. That is why we hold a drunk driver guilty for manslaughter if he kills someone while driving… regardless as to whether the act is remembered or not. Addiction, passion, coercion, etc. can compromise self-control. As for unintended medical conditions, a person might have mental lapses, senility, psychosis, etc. that damages the will and consent. If very serious, then the commission of moral wrongs might not be sinful at all. However, if there is still some awareness and control, then what would normally be a mortal sin would be made less serious or venial.
Vermillion, on April 2, 2015 at 5:03 pm said:

Hi, I have a question regarding the old observations of Saint John and Paul’s day on June 26th. This day no longer seems to be observed and most of its original traditions seem to have been lost. My 2 specific questions are, what were the traditional observational practices of this day and were children allowed inside the church to participate on this day? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: These Roman martyrs have been dropped from the current universal Church calendar. As far as I know there were no unusual practices unique to their commemoration. Medieval legend has it that the Pied Piper absconded with Hamelin’s children on June 26.
cecil p. von bank, on April 2, 2015 at 1:48 pm said:

We have been Catholics our lives we raised 3 children. My question is after menopause is the act of intercourse sinful when there isn’t contraception needed.

FATHER JOE: The marital act is a right of partners, even if infertile. It is a renewal of their marriage covenant and it furthers the fidelity and unity of spouses.