Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Diana Strauss, on April 2, 2015 at 12:50 am said:

Hello.

Is the information in the following article true? If so, while I understand Cardinal Dolan’s desire to preserve the Church’s assets, I have trouble understanding why he thought this was (morally and legally) the correct form of action. I am NOT criticizing, just trying to understand how this could be right.

Looking Past Cardinal Dolan’s Hearty Smile

FATHER JOE: Note that the article does not really give the Church’s views on the subject. Further, while much has rightly been paid out to compensate victims, this situation also threatens the rights of innocent churchgoers and clergy. The enemies of the Church have also exploited the situation in an effort to destroy the faith. We can read and hear this in the angry rhetoric. Lawyers can get as much as a third of settlements, making them richer than their clients in some cases. Elderly priests are finding their pension and care plans exhausted by the cases. Churches have been sold off. There is the myth that the Church has deep pockets, but there is nothing the Church has that did not come through the collection basket. The wrong people are being punished.
lisabrown23, on April 1, 2015 at 10:31 pm said:

Hello and thank you so much for answering questions online! What a great blessing and recourse for Catholics. I am a very ardent Catholic and it is very important for me to follow all of the “rules” of the Church. I have had an upper resp. infection for 8 days now with a low-grade fever and complete exhaustion (I do OK in spurts but have been typically napping abt 2 hours per day). I am a very thin person and typically, the fasts (Ash Wed./ Good Fri.) do add to my fatigue. Furthermore, I have to work a 10 hour shift Fri. (I’m a pharmacist and can only basically call off on my deathbed because they have to close the pharmacy if I can’t make it in) and have two young children that keep me busy when I’m not at work. I thought the fasts were obligatory- and I hate to make excuses. I can get through the day fasting, it just would be more difficult. I also have to work Sat. and would love to have a little energy on Easter (planning on going to Mass but not necessarily the family function). What would you recommend in my situation? Thank you so much.

FATHER JOE: The fast is not intended to make you sick. Only you can judge what you need. There are also certain foods that give more of an energy boost than others. Holy Saturday is not a Lenten day. You can feast.
Aidy, on April 1, 2015 at 8:09 pm said:

Hi there, I have been pondering this question for sometime now. Does God want to be worshipped? Does he demand or expect it?

FATHER JOE: Yes, God wants to be worshipped. More than this, he deserves to be worshipped. It is a duty of the creature to praise and worship the Creator.
Robert J.Smith, on April 1, 2015 at 12:10 pm said:

God knows all. When Jesus was born, God already knew Judas Iscariot, would have to do what he does, to lead to the crucifixion, burial, and rising of His son, Jesus. Peter the apostle, denied even knowing who Jesus was, and yet Peter is a Saint. Peter’s role in the predetermined fate of Jesus being arrested, tried, crucified, buried, and rising from the dead, is not as vital as Judas Iscariot, yet Judas is not a saint. This makes no sense to me. Because of the Gospels, written by other people, we think of Judas Iscariot as a betrayer, and it being better for Judas, that he never have been born, seems a little ” biased” to me. Jesus as part of the trinity, knew full well that Judas had to proceed the way that he did, who is to say that Judas was not pulled aside by Jesus and told what to do, and we are led to believe afterwards Judad killed himself over it. Again, a little “biased” writing to me. Question I have is, why is Judas not a Saint yet? If Saint Peter even denied knowing Jesus Christ. I don’t ever recall Judas Iscariot doing such a thing.

FATHER JOE: Some theologians, even popes, have held out some hope for Judas, but I suspect he is in hell. The Scriptures are inspired as God’s Word. When we are told that it would have been better had he never been born, then there seems little to no wiggle room. God can write straight with our crooked lines. God’s providence will come about even though he permits us the freedom to commit mortal sin. Peter repents and is healed. Judas does not.
es, on March 31, 2015 at 7:28 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,

I hope all is well and you’re having a very good Lenten season and start to the Holy Week.

Recently I’ve been struggling with wrapping my mind around a single verse in The Last Supper / Institution of the Eucharist narratives, and the order in the cups consumed during the New Passover…Matthew 26:27-29, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:17-20…

The translations below were taken from the RSV online Bible Search from EWTN.

Matthew 26:27-29
26 Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.”
27 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you;
28 for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
29 I tell you I shall not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”

Mark 14:22-25
22 And as they were eating, he took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them, and said, “Take; this is my body.”
23 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, and they all drank of it.
24 And he said to them, “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.
25 Truly, I say to you, I shall not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.”

In the Gospels of Matthew and Mark, during the Institution of The Eucharist (third cup / cup of blessing), Our Lord follows consecration with a declaration that He will not drink again of the “fruit of the vine” until He drinks it new in the kingdom of God…

Both Gospels are consistent with one another except for a few select word choices in Matthew. By using the word “this” it seems that Christ is signifying what just took place moments ago / one and two verses before – The Institution of the Eucharist. Our Lord is “the vine” and His Precious Body and Blood are “the fruit of the vine”. Christ looks forward to partaking of The Eucharistic banquet after His Resurrection, “new”, with His disciples / “with you” until the end of time… (“The Lord Jesus Christ, Himself the guest and banquet, is both the partaker and what is eaten.” – St. Jerome)

Luke 22:17-20
17 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, “Take this, and divide it among yourselves;
18 for I tell you that from now on I shall not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.”
19 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
20 And likewise the cup after supper, saying, “This cup which is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.”

In Luke’s Gospel, Our Lord has an almost identical statement to that found in the Gospels of Matthew and Mark, but this time it is prior to consecration rather than after… Given this order it seems that the third cup, Christ’s Precious Blood, is not labeled as “fruit of the vine,”…rather, the preceding cup(s) are fruit of the vine / literally wine…and Our Lord is making the statement that He will not drink wine again until the fourth cup (of consummation – sour wine) is consumed from the Cross, which finishes the New Passover and ushers in the kingdom of God with Christ’s death and Resurrection…”the kingdom of God comes”…

Are the explanations above correct?
I’m struggling to understand the difference in placement of verses and the use of “fruit of the vine” in each context, especially given the extreme importance of these verses…
Do the Gospels illuminate the same thing in each instance, or something different?

Thank you so very much Father Joe. I appreciate your time, patience and help.

God Bless you and Happy Easter.

sincerely,
eric

FATHER JOE: First off, any word study effort would have to be in Greek and maybe some Hebrew, NOT an English translation. Second, study the Jewish Seder for a clearer understanding of the meal. There are various cups and our Lord consecrates the cup after the bread. I would not make too much of the poisoned wine extended by the soldier at the Cross or to the placement of the phrase “fruit of the vine.” Christ first consecrates the bread of life and then the chalice of salvation. He distinguishes between the body and blood and yet both are the totality of Christ’s real presence.
Ann, on March 31, 2015 at 6:24 pm said:

Dear Father,

I am a Catholic and was married in a Catholic ceremony several years ago. After I tried everything I could to make the marriage work, we finally divorced. I would like to get an annulment, but I am not sure I would qualify. Here are two details that may be relevant:

1) He played an April Fool’s prank at one point telling me that he was gay. He tried to pass it off as a joke, but upon reflection, I think that he may be serious. We had difficulties in our intimate relationship that could be explained by this.

2) We had agreed to have children some day. During a time when we were still married but living apart (I was in a graduate school program in another state), I became pregnant. I didn’t know at the time, but he had a girlfriend who was actually pregnant at the same time. I did not understand why he was not supportive about the pregnancy, and ultimately, I feel he essentially forced me to have a termination. He told me that he would not support a child and flew to my city to escort me to the termination appointment himself to ensure I went. I feel tremendous guilt about this, every day. I am afraid that if I try to seek an annulment based on this, I will also be ex-communicated.

Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Dear Ann, it is best to put the worries aside and see a local priest about starting a case. The fact that your spouse had impregnated both you and a girlfriend probably speaks against any speculation that he was gay… unless he came out as such. You say that he pressured you into an abortion and that you fear excommunication. The censure of excommunication is automatic, regardless as to whether any priest or bishop knows what you did. However, to incur it you must also know the censure exists. Most priests have the faculties to absolve the sin and to remove the censure. Go to Confession.
Matt Spradlin, on March 30, 2015 at 10:18 pm said:

Father Joe, after a great deal of communication with my fiancee and many friends, I have decided to convert. I was told that one of the many things I will do is to choose a Saint who I, for lack of better terms, can relate to. The criteria for me I thought would be simple but not so much. Five years ago this coming August I lost my son in a car accident. The first thing that came to mind was a Saint for parents who lost children to death. St Felicitas of Rome was the only result that was close, however she is the Saint of MOTHER’S who have lost children. Is there someone for fathers who have? Thank you so very much.

FATHER JOE: While it is certain that a loss of this nature is devastating, I wound be reticent about selecting a patronal saint primarily because of such tragic criteria. Conversion is about embracing hope and finding healing. You cannot allow a moment of grieving to define you. Our Lord might have shared his future passion and death with good St. Joseph, but I am confident that the sadness of this could not match the joy they shared when Jesus descended to the righteous dead so that they might have entry into heaven. As we have celebrated during Lent and Holy Week, even the Cross of Christ is not a sign of defeat and death but as one of victory and new life. Picking a saint can wait. Take instructions and say your prayers. You can become the saint for whom you are seeking… and a sign to others of hope.
erin, on March 30, 2015 at 5:16 pm said:

Recently i have looked into all the verses i can find about talking to the dead, but i cant find a reason why its bad. What would be harmful about talking to an ancient ancestor about what Earth was like back then?

FATHER JOE: There are many prohibitions about this in the Bible, particularly in Deuteronomy and Leviticus. Why is it so? Seeking two-way communication (not intercessory prayer) exposes us to spiritual deception. It is also viewed as an affront to any acceptance of divine providence. Catholics pray for the dead and ask the saints to pray for and with us. We do not seek secret knowledge or occult favors. The consulting of mediums or personally trying to cross the veil of death through séances or Ouija boards is strictly forbidden and constitutes serious sin.
Kathy, on March 28, 2015 at 5:14 pm said:

Dear Father Joe, i have two questions. First I’ve been praying several 9 day Novenas repeatedly for about 6 weeks in desperate help for my son and my health. Is it ok to keep saying them over and over or should I stop . Secondly, it has been years since my last confession . This year I have been very ill and have come back full force to my Catholic faith, and I want to make a good confession to clear my soul. It is important to me in case I die soon from my illness as well as to clear my soul in my renewed faith. What is the best way to do a good confession after all these years, trying to remember everything and not take up so much time in the confessional when people are waiting. Thank you Father.

FATHER JOE: Prayers can be repeated or you might add other prayers. As for Confession, the best thing is not to wait. Go as soon as you can. The commandments might be a guide, but ponder the big matters. You are not obliged to confess all the small or venial sins.
Jason, on March 26, 2015 at 10:41 pm said:

What is the type of wine (ex. merlot, cabernet, etc) used during the Eucharist?

FATHER JOE: There are various types of sacramental wine. CLICK here for a listing from our provider.
Phyllis, on March 26, 2015 at 1:47 am said:

Are you allowed to break your Lenten promise on Sunday’s?

FATHER JOE: If you made a personal Lenten promise that includes Sundays then NO. Promises are meant to be kept. If you are talking about the penitential practices of the Church, Sundays are regarded a festive days. I know some people who refrain from eating meat, not just on Fridays, but daily during Lent. They make an exception for Sunday.
seraphimservantofservants, on March 25, 2015 at 1:41 pm said:

Dear Father,
This is a complicated issue which has been troubling me for the past few days. I had placed an order on the net for some simply beautiful icons of the Lord, and when they came I was filled with joy. But that very day, I was away at night, and when I returned, I found that my pet dog, who had no ill intentions whatsoever and was in fact sick at the time, had defecated in front of the place where I keep my icons, and where I worship. I was shocked to the extent that I was crying and beating myself hard, begging God for forgiveness. I was furious – not at my poor, innocent dog of course – but at myself. Even now I am scared and I do not know what to do. I feel that my house is a home to God-hating, blaspheming demons – and why should it not be? After all, all the other members of my family are Hindus, worshiping false, heathen gods. I am terribly afraid that I have invited on myself the vengeance of the Lord. What should I do? Your advice on this matter would be very helpful.
Thanking you sincerely.
Yours in Christ,
Seraphim.

FATHER JOE: You are correct that the animal is innocent. Further, you had no negative intention and what happened was an unfortunate accident. I would not make anything more of it. Images are sacramentals which facilitate faith. An icon is neither a superstitious talisman nor the proper object for divine worship. We treat such things with respect or reverence because of what they signify. It is your faith that is important, more than any religious object. God is not offended. There is no reason to become distressed. Be at peace.
Michael blakeman, on March 25, 2015 at 12:48 pm said:

I am a divorced and remarried Christian, not catholic (kind of excluded in becoming catholic now). My question is if I were to commit suicide would that release my current wife and my previous wife from the state of adultery?

Thanks

FATHER JOE:

Suicide is a mortal sin and can never be recommended. That must be removed from this equation.

Catholics view marriage as a sacrament that binds until death. Some seek annulments when there is cause for thinking that a bond was invalid due to a certain impediment. Are you a baptized Christian? Was your first spouse a baptized Christian? Was the first spouse a Catholic? What was the setting for the ceremony— a courthouse or church? These are pertinent elements in determining the status of a marriage bond. If the first bond were invalid then we would not be discussing true adultery.
noah, on March 25, 2015 at 5:01 am said:

Hello. My name is Noah and I have a confession… I have seen some x rated stuff and use to masturbate over it and a little insest.. And now I feel horrible its constantly eating away at me and I haven’t had the nerve to say it face to face because I am ashamed of what wrong I have done and what to forgive myself for it but I haven’t been able to because I feel like I’m in a hole and God is angry with me 😦 so what do you suggested?

FATHER JOE: If you are a Catholic then I would urge you to find a priest for the sacrament of penance. In any case, repent from sin, tell God you are sorry and ask for his grace to overcome this weakness. God loves you and is always ready to grant mercy and healing.
chinonye, on March 23, 2015 at 7:57 pm said:

Hi Father
I want to practise humility in imitation of our Lord and the Blessed Virgin Mary, so I try to do errands asked of me by my family. I have this little problem with my elder sister. I don’t mean to judge but she can be quite lazy at times, so I try to accommodate her weakness. The problem is I feel she sends me on errands that she should at least try to move a muscle in doing. I suspect, but I’m not sure, that she sends me on these errands because I try not to refuse doing things for my family, so she feels I would do as told.

I admit I’m a negative thinker and a perfectionist, but I want to set boundaries. I don’t want to be taken advantage of. I also want to grow in humility and patience. Should I endure this little suffering and do as I’m told or should I confront her about it?

Thanks!

FATHER JOE: I would not want to micro-manage your life. You have to do what you feel is best about such things. Peace!
Terri, on March 23, 2015 at 12:11 am said:

I took wedding vows in front of a priest but never made it legal in city hall so am I legally married

FATHER JOE: What country are we talking about? Priests in the United States are forbidden to witness marriages that will have no official civil standing. In other words, you need a wedding license!
Piers, on March 22, 2015 at 10:44 pm said:

Dear Father,

Thank you for your previous answer.
My son seems to be saying that he may only be allowed to see his parents for a couple of days a year if he becomes a Dominican. This is very painful for us, and it seems inhuman. Could you ask your Dominican friends how long Dominicans from the Toulouse, France, group are able to ‘get away’ to see their family / friends? It seems to me my son must be mistaken in this, and is being (misguidedly) over zealous! He has a bit of a history of “over-doing” things.

Thank you father, and please pray for us!

FATHER JOE: I would suggest talking with the Dominicans directly. The truth be said, assignments can vary and they may not live very near. The more remote and demanding the work, the less often family and friends will see any priest or religious.
bill, on March 21, 2015 at 4:34 pm said:

Is prayer helping without consolation? Should i pray rosary when i feel nothing? Can i overcome sin with my will?

FATHER JOE: You should especially pray when you feel nothing. Prayer is not about will power but about submission. We place ourselves into the hands of God and his power.
Dominique, on March 20, 2015 at 12:56 am said:

Hi Father,
My name is Dominique and I have some question about the providence of God. Is the statement below true?:

“If God refuses something, then it does not happen; and if something does not happen in this universe, then God refused it”

I think the statement above is absolutely true, but this is not to say that God is responsible for our sinful actions or that there is no contingency in this universe. The way I understand is that, because God respects our free will, he always chooses not to override human free will. Hence it follows that God, by his supreme authority, sometimes does not refuse sinful things from happening because he does not want to artificially alter our actions and decisions that we make based upon our free will. Also, because God refuses to override our free will, things do happen contingently based on our free action – yet God still has power and knowledge to foresee or alter the contingent event ( as St. Thomas Aquinas states). For instance, let’s say I want to drop a pencil: God certainly has power to make pencil not to be dropped despite my own free will. However since God refuses to act against my free will, the pencil drops down as I willed. So after all, it is possible for a pencil to not to be dropped, but the pencil has dropped down to the ground because God refused to work against my free will and the law of nature.
In other words, the pencil is not suspended in the air because God refused it.

these are the reason why I believe that God is the absolute sovereign of universe and that the universe is fully subject to God.

So again, is the following statement true?:
” If God refuses something, then it does not happen; and if something does not happen, then God must refused it”

I am almost convinced that the statement is correct.
Thank you Father! I truly appreciate your help 🙂

Dominique

FATHER JOE:

The subject of divine providence always intersects mystery. Yes, there is interplay with the disharmony caused by sin, both natural and moral evil. God’s will is qualified as either active/direct or passive/indirect. In other words, there are some things that God directly intends but there are other elements that he simply permits… as you say, in the case of human freedom. Is the respect for human free will absolute? I do not think we can say this. Nothing can force God’s hand. There may be certain things upon which God would draw a line. In any case, it is within the range of the freedom given our stewardship where we find either faithful discipleship or disobedient rebellion. God does not directly intend evil. Such would violate the very identity or economy of God. While he permits human transgressions; the whole meaning of the incarnation and redemptive work of Jesus is to repair the damage caused by sin. Christ is a divine person but also fully a human being. It is in Jesus that God the Father receives the fidelity he deserves and the injury to his honor as God is repaired.

In answer to your question, you are correct that nothing can exist outside of the divine creative agency. Everything is contingent or dependent.

Divine providence cannot ultimately be circumvented but Christians do not believe in fate. While St. Augustine wrote about a predestination to glory, this was very different from that ascribed to Calvinism. Further, whatever God wills to do or not to do is not necessarily dependent upon us or anything we do. There can be no compulsion or manipulation of God.
Piers, on March 19, 2015 at 10:30 pm said:

Dear Father,

My son is 23 and has just told my wife and I that he will be leaving home to become a Dominican novitiate. I am North American, but we live in Paris, France. He will be going to the Dominicans in Marseille next year, and then there is a 5 year period of preparation. Apparently he will not be allowed to visit us for the first year (Though we will be able to visit him), but he says that after that first year he will be able to come home and visit us. My wife and I, both Catholics, are rather stunned by the news, though we accept that he must do what he is called to do. To be honest, we would rather he got married and had a family. But we are worried that we will not see much of him in the future. Could you tell me how often Dominicans are allowed to go out and see their families and friends etc?

Thank you for your answer and help.

FATHER JOE: The Dominicans are a wonderful order. Their priests emphasize preaching and teaching. They are incredibly well-educated. As for family and friends, yes they are able to keep the lines of communication open. I cannot say how often he will be able to visit, but most Dominicans are not in an absolute cloister. I have Dominican priests that help with Masses at my parish each week. If he can cut it, then I would say you should be very proud. God bless!
A, on March 19, 2015 at 1:17 am said:

Good Evening Father,
I am a cradle catholic and while I walked away from the church for awhile when I was 18 or so, now at 32 I find myself longing to know God.
I am not a perfect person. I am probably the worst sinner there is, but I try, everyday.
I have a 6 year old daughter with my common law husband (we have completed the marriage course and are eager to be married in the church as soon as possible).
We recently found out we were expecting again and were overjoyed, in a world where so many women throw their chances of motherhood away through abortion, I felt blessed that God had chosen my body to house one of His precious children.
We lost our baby at 9 weeks.
I am struggling father, and I must admit I have not been to church since the miscarriage.
I have struggled in my life with depression, stemmed from sexual abuse as a child and that depression has followed me, making me feel worthless and I feel forgotten by God.
I don’t know what to hope for anymore. I read in my bible that I should “hope in the Lord” but I don’t know how to do that. WHen I pray I feel unheard. I feel like Job, the Lord sees me suffering but does nothing, but I don’t know if I can persevere the way Job did. I don’t know if my faith is strong enough. I find myself questioning everything in my sadness. My faith has been derailed.
I have asked the Saints in Heaven to pray for me, but I feel no relief.
will He love me again if I stop living in sin Father?
Is this why I lost the baby? Am I being punished?
How do I go on when I feel so alone?

FATHER JOE: The loss of a child is NOT God’s punishment. We live in a broken world. But we look to the Cross and know a solidarity with Christ who embraced and transformed the darkness to light. My mother had seven children. But she also lost one and that pain was real. We have always thought that we had this one sibling with God praying for the rest of us here on earth. God loves you, even if it is hard to feel his concern. Return to the faith. Get married in the Church. Go forward and put the past behind you. We are all sinners and you are not the worst. We all need mercy and healing. Is your faith strong enough? All you need is a little faith. The real power is with Christ. I will keep you in prayer. Peace!
JAMES, on March 18, 2015 at 8:51 pm said:

Dear Father,

I have been think about Converting to the Catholic Church for a few years now. I have been married to my first wife going on 10 years. This is her second marriage. and she is Jewish. i’m a baptized Christian. would there be any problems with me proceeding?

Thank you and Blessings.

FATHER JOE: You need to talk to a local priest and give him the details. Conversion is possible but there are a number of things that you will have to do, individually and as a couple. How were you baptized and what is your religion? In what setting did your marriage take place? What are the details of your spouse’s first bond? Was she married to a Jew, Protestant or a Catholic? She might need an annulment but I cannot say. Is there a possible dissolution of the bond case? Much of this might escape you but a good Church canon lawyer would know how to proceed. Do not despair. Explore what you need to do. God bless!
Glo, on March 17, 2015 at 8:04 pm said:

Dear Fr Joe (sorry I called you a wrong name in the past),

Thanks for your website I enjoy reading your answers and learn alot about God and life. God bless you for taking time to do this service.

I have a question. I am usually emotionally troubled and when i google a question i usually find a website called tiny buddha. The writings are good and i can especially identify with stories about an inadequate mother as I believe I had one.

There are quotes from buddha and images too.

I am a practising faithful catholic who struggles with scruples. Am I sinning by bookmarking and reading the blogs and other stuff on this website?

Thank you and God bless you.
Glo

FATHER JOE: Only that which compromises your faith and values is sinful.
jez, on March 17, 2015 at 1:20 pm said:

Dear father, I have some doubts about confession. It is said that before confession one should take a firm decision not to commit a sin again. But i couldn’t take such firm decisions, because i was sure i will continue with some venial sin (not serious ones) even after confession. but i took a decision to stop committing mortal sins. In such case,is my confession valid? Is my sins forgiven?

FATHER JOE: A firm purpose amendment is no guarantee that we will avoid sin. It speaks to our determination and our willingness to cooperate with divine grace against mortal sin. We want to be saints. We aim high even though we may fall short. If you confessed sins with a contrite heart and a firm desire to amend your life, then yes, your sins were forgiven. (If one had no real intention to avoid mortal sin, then the person would not be disposed for the absolution.) Peace!
Donna, on March 16, 2015 at 6:58 pm said:

Dear Father,
This is slightly complicated but I think it’s so important, I had to ask. My 11 year old son did something very bad. His intention was to scare a friend of his, but instead things went awry and his friend was very seriously hurt. Everyone involved thinks it was just an unfortunate accident, but if my son hadn’t tried to be funny, it wouldn’t have happened. This happened over 6 months ago and he just told me. My son also told me that he went to confession right after it happened and the priest gave him absolution but encouraged him to tell the truth, but it was not a condition of absolution. I have several questions: his intent was not serious, but the consequences were; was this a mortal sin?
Also, what is my obligation here? I’m torn. It has been a while and all involved are friends and all is on the mend; am I morally obligated to tell at this point? If I don’t, what type of sin would I be committing? I want to act responsibly. To be clear, this boy could have died, this could destroy my family if I do tell. My son is so young, and I really do believe he has learned his lesson. What is my obligation here? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

The missing details make it hard to answer. The boy was young and his intention was to scare but not to harm. However, whatever he did it must have been reckless because his friend was seriously hurt. The priest encouraged your son to tell the truth but six months have passed without him doing so. That silence complicates matters. Can you be sure that it was not required as restitution for his wrong? I cannot second-guess another priest who knew all the facts and so his recommendation still stands. Of course, the boy could return to his confessor and ask if he should still come forward half-a-year later.

Given his immaturity and that his intent was not to harm, his fault might not be mortal even if the matter itself is very grievous. Your obligation is complicated by the confidence given and by your stewardship of a minor. Will his friend fully recuperate from the injury? What type of medical bills and hardship has this caused the family? Depending upon the answer, you may have a moral obligation toward assistance. However, again short many details, I am hesitant to say for sure what you should do. Beyond hurt feelings and a lost friendship, is there the potential here for lawsuits? I am a priest, not a lawyer. You may want to check on your legal standing. Of course, some people make restitution with anonymous contributions. As for your boy, can he possibly sustain a close and real relationship with his friend while keeping his culpability silent? Such things can eat at people for many years and even haunt us to the grave.