Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

chinonye, on March 16, 2015 at 10:02 am said:

Father I asked the above question because I did something along the lines of what I ve just asked you and wanted to know if I can receive holy communion tomorrow because I still love God and don’t want to be separated from him by mortal sin. Thanks
chinonye, on March 16, 2015 at 7:20 am said:

Hello Father
Is it a mortal sin if one proceeds to commit a serious fault but afterwards refrain from committing that fault? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: The question is too vague to answer. Temptation is not a sin itself. If one fully intends to commit a mortal sin and then the occasion fails to arise, then there is still culpability. Example: if Fred shows up you are prepared to shoot him in the head; but he misses work and later you change your mind. But feeling like one could do a wrong but failing to give in to the compulsion would not be so serious.
amoiesu, on March 16, 2015 at 5:29 am said:

Who are your favorite saints?

FATHER JOE: The Virgin Mary, St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Robert Bellarmine, St. Damian, etc.
Anne, on March 15, 2015 at 4:30 pm said:

Father Joe, I’m the Protestant woman who wrote asking about the issue with my co-worker. Thank you so much for your Christian counsel. I appreciate you, your time, and your ministry. May God richly bless you!
Marion, on March 13, 2015 at 5:02 pm said:

I am going thru a tough time and wishing at times to die. I do not like my appearance and i haven’t worked on the books in a long time. I am 61 and an unwed mother of 2 beautiful smart women . I have bipolar and am in a class for med asst however since my appearance always gets in the way I become anxious.

FATHER JOE: I will keep you in prayer. Remember that you are beautiful in God’s eyes.
Ellen Cioch, on March 13, 2015 at 4:45 pm said:

Father, I thought any marriage not performed in a Catholic Church is not valid by God. Has this changed?

FATHER JOE:

The rule is what it has long been… a Catholic must be married before a deacon or priest in a Catholic church unless there is a dispensation from canonical form. Non-Catholics are not under our laws and so their marriages, either in churches or courthouses are regarded as licit and valid.

A Catholic might get a dispensation in the case of a mixed marriage or disparity of cult. Thus, a neutral setting might be selected for marriage to a Jew. Similarly, a minister might be permitted to receive the vows in a Protestant church, but it should be the Protestant’s home church. I remember a case like this that allowed the bride’s uncle who was a minister to preside. However, the dispensation is not easy to get and there must be assurances that the Catholic will be able to continue in the practice of his faith and that the children will be raised as Catholics.

Another exception would be in the case of a couple stranded alone on a deserted island. It is impossible for them to find a priest or church. Thus, they may marry themselves before the Lord and once rescued the Church would provide the ceremony. But in the eyes of God and the Church, they would already be married. Remember, in Catholic teaching, the couple marry themselves. The priest witnesses the vows for the Church.
Simon, on March 13, 2015 at 5:22 am said:

Hi Father,

I was raised Catholic and my girlfriend has been married before but not in a church and wasn’t brought up religious.

Are we able to get married in the church?

Cheers
Simon

FATHER JOE: If your girlfriend were married before to a non-Catholic, then church-wedding or not, she would still need a “formal case” annulment before you would be free to marry her in the Church. If her first spouse were a Catholic, she would still have to request a declaration of nullity because of lack of canonical form. Sorry, you would not otherwise be able to validly marry her.
Simon, on March 12, 2015 at 2:48 pm said:

Dear Father,
At the dinner table I added olive oil to the salad which had already olives in. My priest said that it was a grave sin. Was he right or was he joking?
thank you

FATHER JOE: He was joking. It is no sin.
Lynette Vincent, on March 12, 2015 at 8:57 am said:

A co-worker who is a non-practicing Catholic claims all priests are alcoholics. Apparently the priest who was her pastor is an alcoholic, thus she thinks all priests are. What can I tell her?

FATHER JOE: Except for the precious blood, and that is Jesus, I very rarely drink alcohol. Knowing more priests than she does, I can honestly say that she is wrong. I would much prefer a diet coke or tea or coffee. We should not stereotype people. That is wrong. You cannot judge all by the poor witness of one or a few.
chinonye, on March 12, 2015 at 8:30 am said:

Hello Father
Please permit me to share something really personal with you, and ask for your advice. On two occasions my family have made fun of some mistakes I made in the past. My anger issues e.g tearing my sister’s clothes and other displays of anger. I’m very ashamed at what I did in the past to the extent that it has developed into self -loathing. I’m trying not to hurt people again by asking God to help me be more forgiving and accepting of people.
I really don’t like when they turn these things into jokes because that is one aspect of my life that I don’t like remembering but they bring it up occasionally. Please how do I deal with them bringing my mistakes up every now and then? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Tell them that it is hurtful and if they really love you, they will stop it and be respectful.
Anne, on March 12, 2015 at 5:12 am said:

Dear Father,
I am a woman, working as a lay woman in a ministry. We have another lay woman, who is quite proud of her seminary education, and has voiced criticism about my own (she attended a different seminary). When I was in seminary, we studied Greek and Hebrew quite extensively. She told me once that she wishes that she had studied these languages. She’s older than me and I’ve always sensed some resentment toward me. She’s a bit intimidating, and all of us in our group tend to walk on eggshells around her, for fear of upsetting her, because she can get very angry when we do. Even though I know this, and try to be sensitive and just “go along to get along” with her, one day I wasn’t so compliant. She had spoken against the seminary I attended, letting me know that the more liberal group at her seminary didn’t feel we (who were more conservative) were interested in ecumenism. I felt very defensive. She is also ordained as a minister in a Protestant church, and she said to me, “Why don’t you get ordained? You’re missing out on so much.” I’m also Protestant, but our church does not ordain women, but they do endorse us for lay ministry. I felt as if she were belittling me, my seminary training, and my identify! I explained that we women in our church are not ordained, and that’s ok with me, because I had no desire to have authority in a church, and that my current ministry allowed me to use the gifts God gave me. We discussed my seminary, and the mix of men and women in the student body. I said, “Well, there were more men than women, but you know, we were all pretty much together. That’s what happens when you spend a couple of years studying Greek and Hebrew together.” Now, I think that I mentioned the Greek and Hebrew because I wanted her to know that my seminary education was solid that it had substance, and that in some ways had something even hers did not (namely, language study). Some part of me was in the “I’ll get her!” mode of one-upsmanship, while the other was a little girl who felt like she was standing up to a bully — or just trying to overcome her own insecurities. I was proud of myself at the time because I felt as if I needed to take a stand, stand my ground, whatever. Now, I wonder if my intentions of “I’ll show her” need to be confessed to her. I was thinking of apologizing to her, saying, “Hey, remember when I mentioned the language learning at my seminary? Well, I said it to make myself feel more superior to you, and to put you in your place. I’m sorry.” But another part of me says, “no, not so fast. Wait on this.” And here I am, a Protestant, seeking the advice of a priest. Thanks for your time!

FATHER JOE: We also have certain Catholic seminaries and colleges that both form men for the priesthood and educate lay men and women for ministries in the Church, especially in the area of catechesis and mission. There was nothing inherently wrong with defending your school or the quality of your education. The motivation-element is really more between you and God. Continuing this discussion with her could quickly become counter-productive. You really do not want to engage a person who bullies because they are often angry, insecure people who need to be in charge, burning bridges by their intolerance or arrogance. I wish you well with your ministry. Do not feel that you have to compete with her. God bless!
Lupe, on March 12, 2015 at 4:49 am said:

Hello father,
I’m in a relationship of 9 years, I’m not married I have 4 children my oldest son is from a previous relationship. Im going thru so much right now I just don’t know what to do my boyfriend hits me calls me names and hes always kicking me out of the house I just don’t know what to do I been with him for 9 years now and it’s getting worst! He says I’m worthless and he puts me down saying I don’t have a job that I’m not a good mother! Every time we fight he kicks me out with my oldest son and that really hurts me because my son sees him like a dad. I just don’t know what to do should I walk aways with my children? I don’t have a job and I’m really scared to leave and not know what to do. I need your advice? Plz help me!!

FATHER JOE: A lot depends upon where you live and what resources you might have. You should not remain within an abusive situation. If the local social services can give you help with shelter or finances then I would recommend pursuing it. Here in the Archdiocese of Washington, religious sisters operate a home where women with children can get a new start and find employment. Contact your local church and see what might be offered in your area. God bless!
mrsvonpang, on March 11, 2015 at 9:27 pm said:

Hello Father,
Is it really a sin to read your horoscope, or carry lucky charms, or have a friend read tarot cards? I don’t believe that they really tell the future, I believe in praying to God, and for the intervention of the Holy Mother and the saints on my behalf. The other things are amusements or distractions…but if I become involved in them, will it diminish the power of my prayers? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I am aware that people pursue these things as amusements, and that can certainly influence culpability, but YES, the Church would say that any involvement with the occult is sinful matter and could both compromise true faith and invite negative or demonic entities into our lives. The Church urges the use of sacramentals like rosaries and religious medals… not superstitious charms or talisman. Further, we are to accept divine providence, which is undermined by witchcraft and tarot cards.
marta telus, on March 9, 2015 at 11:41 pm said:

Hello Father Joe

I have a great dilemma regarding my wedding day in 2016.
I was brought up in a very catholic family and I am Having a civil ceremony with an atheist. I would love to get married in church or receive the blessing after the civil wedding but I am not sure if this is possible. Please could you advise how me and my partner can compromise in this situation? He said he would do whatever it takes to make me happy but will church agree to this?

FATHER JOE: Marriage in a civil ceremony would compromise your faith. This is our worry when Christians marry atheists or non-Catholics. What can you do? First, I take it you are committed in love to him and so breaking it off is not an option. Second, if he is agreeable, then YES you could marry him in a Catholic church. There would be no Mass, but there would be Scriptures and prayers. They would mean something to you, if not to him. You would need a dispensation and would have to make a promise to do all in your power to raise any children in the Catholic faith. You both (as a couple) would need to see a priest and participate in a program of instruction. He would not be forced to convert. It might give him a deeper understanding of your faith. Does he know that it is an important part of you… a part of the whole that he is marrying? Are you strong enough to maintain your faith, knowing that you will pray alone in your home? There is a lot to think about.
Joshua, on March 9, 2015 at 8:16 pm said:

CLICK for lyrics to SING THE WONDROUS LOVE OF JESUS (Amy Grant).

I post this to make sure that Jesus is victory.
Steve, on March 9, 2015 at 1:34 pm said:

Hello Father Joe,

I am an actor who is now able to pursue my dream by making a living from playing online poker. I have been playing poker online for over 5 years, and through studying, reading, and practice I have gotten to the point where I have beaten the game and am able to make a decent living from it. I love this, because it allows me to work whenever I want and be my own boss, which in turn allows me to pursue my true dream of becoming a working actor. However, I want to make sure that playing online poker isn’t a sin, because in the end, my faith is the most important thing in my life.

God Bless.

FATHER JOE: Gambling is not inherently evil, but I would be wary of trying to make a living at it. I wish you well with acting and luck at the cards (real or virtual). Keep saying your prayers and remain honest. God bless!
Diana Strauss, on March 8, 2015 at 3:36 pm said:

It is true, we can never completely understand why G-d does things, why a good and loving G-d would allow the Jews to be slaves for 430 years or to endure the horrors of the Holocaust, but we can, perhaps, get a very small idea as to where it was coming from. (See below).

As for the Holocaust I don’t consider myself capable of explaining that; only that we trust that G-d is good even though we don’t always understand why or how. (You might consult an Orthodox Rabbi for better understanding of either one, if you are interested). Does this help?

The Jewish People were serving other gods and forsaking the G-d of their fathers. Our Bible hints at this when it mentions Yakov (Jacob) instructing his household to purge themselves of idols before returning to Beth-El. Four generations of servitude was the punishment punishment for such a sin. In the fourth generation they returned to the Land of Israel as promised.. 400/7 = years of sin. 400 years were also served even though chronological years served were less. The first 30 years in Egypt were bondage free. Hence, we are told 430 years.

Ezekiel 20:1-12; 35-38; 41-44

FATHER JOE: Yes, God in the Old Testament often enacts retributive justice. I took the question to be one that focused on the metaphysical problem of suffering, evil, punishment and reward.
illustrationbydiedre, on March 7, 2015 at 12:46 am said:

Hi I have a question regarding a certain fantasy series called game of thrones by Gorge RR Martin. I have read all the current books but I am feeling conflicted and upset because while the books have a good plot they have graphic sex scenes in them. At the time I read them I was not as worried about the sex and figured it was okay since I was reading a fantasy book and not a pornographic novel.

I went out a googled about weather it was a sin to read game of thrones or if the books were considered porn and got several conclusions I read some at catholic answers and others from christian sties 1.no its not porn if you read it for the story’s sake and not for the sex scenes 2. if you skip over the scenes its okay the read the books. 3. yes they should be avoided. I read pro reviews on the thejesuitpost.org and on Christian today an article about it said we should read it critically. So my question is are these books okay to read?

FATHER JOE: I am neither familiar with the books nor the games. Human sexuality in literature might be reflective of the human condition or it might be prurient and exploitive. But I take it that we are not talking about the classics. While reading I have sometimes jumped over erotic elements, particularly if they had no overall importance to the work. However, I would try to avoid writings that cross over into pornography. It is somewhat easier to turn a page than to turn eyes away from a movie or television screen. Peace!
chuchintan, on March 6, 2015 at 2:47 pm said:

Dear Father Joe

Why were the Israelites enslaved for 430 years in Egypt? A part from Genesis 15:13-16.

Thank you.

Melissa

FATHER JOE: I am not sure what you mean. When it comes how divine providence interacts with human evil, you may have to ask God, himself. It is like asking, “Why would a good God allow six million Jews to be murdered in the Holocaust?”
Kathy, on March 6, 2015 at 1:57 am said:

Thank you Father Joe for your reply and your prayers. I feel better and will keep praying. Kathy
Jerry Almonte, on March 6, 2015 at 12:07 am said:

Hello Father,
Does religion dilute morality due to its philosophy on doing good in for the reward of getting into heaven? What ever happened to doing good for the sake of just doing good.(?) It seems to me that as long as the religious continue to use good actions as a form of moral currency, their selfless acts will always be anchored in the selfishness of self-preservation. By that logic, is an Atheist doing good not the purist form of a moral deed (since the action is not predicated on whether God is watching) ?

FATHER JOE:

Jerry, true religion in no way dilutes objective morality, but rather amplifies and makes it clear. We are not good simply to go to heaven, either. As in the Act of Contrition, we are sorry for our sins for two reasons: PERFECT CONTRITION (because we have offended God whom we are to love above all things) and IMPERFECT CONTRITION (fearing the loss of heaven and the pains of hell). While faith is defined as obedience in charity, works without the grace of Christ would have no value— objectively good or not. We cannot bargain with God. All is gift. If we imitate Christ then the Father will see the likeness of his Son in us and give us a share in his reward. It is not selfishness to want to please almighty God. Of course, sin introduces the subjective element in that we must know something is wrong, intend to do it and are not impeded in our freedom. That is a different issue from the objective nature of acts as either good or bad. Catholics appeal to both natural law and to divine positive law. This helps in an assessment of moral questions. Separated from the faith and many do not know how to be good. We see this mentality with a woman’s choice given priority over the life and choice of an unborn child. We see it with a toleration of sexual aberrations that conflict with the commandments and natural law. When man is made the singular measure of all right and wrong, it is then we encounter genuine selfishness. A number of the secular humanists fall into this category. This does not mean that they are deliberately evil. But they are often misled. They may also be charitable… but a charity without direction can become oppressive.

Catholic Thomistic philosophy is not a slavish biblical deontology but a rational discernment of human ends— the telos or final goal toward which good human actions aim.
Kathy, on March 5, 2015 at 9:23 pm said:

Dear Father Joe, this is a complicated question. I have been praying for my son for over two months every day and night that he get the computer job he applied for over two months ago. Whenever he calls the place they just say we didn’t forget you and you are a finalist , and were still deciding. I keep praying others have been praying for him as well . Several things we prayed for were answered but the most important one that he get the job and a place to live have not been answered. He has now been evicted from his apartment as of this past Monday for non payment of rent and driving for pizza delivery He is well trained for this good computer job and lost his other computer job after a bad car accident with a long hospitalization and rehab and a consequent addiction to medication. I am a devoted Catholic and am most always praying.. Today I felt terrible and a bit angry because I wonder why God isn’t answering our prayers after so long and not even letting anything open up for him. If God doesn’t want him to get the job why won’t he help him in some other way. I prayed God would give us a sign or direction on what to do . I actually started crying and became angry that my son has no where to live and really needs help. I can’t help him as I have severe lung disease and live in senior housing and live on a very limited income. Seeing my son so discouraged sad ,depressed angry and feeling helpless is killing me I cry when he says to me God doesn’t listen to me . I don’t want to get mad but I’m frustrated and don’t understand . This is the first time I’ve encountered this frustration. I have felt in the past. Guidance from God. I dislike having these feelings toward praying. Please help me to understand and please pray for my son . Thank you Father. Kathy

FATHER JOE: Dear Kathy, I will keep you and your son in my prayers, but there is no answer that I can give that would necessarily take away his struggle and the pain you feel. I have family members and friends in similar situations. Jobs are not always easy to find, we have bills to pay and there is much that can make us fearful. We live in a broken world. God’s providence is sometimes hard to understand and we wonder why God seems distant when we pray. I suppose this is all part of the human condition. Our prayer during the Rosary speaks about this as a valley of tears. Jesus entered into this world but even he had to suffer and die in his journey to resurrection. At least we have a God in solidarity with us. He has conquered the world (sin, suffering and death) but these dark realities have yet to be undone. The living can be hard. Again, I will join your intentions to mine this evening in prayer. God bless you.
chinonye, on March 5, 2015 at 3:30 pm said:

Wow Father! What should I tell my mum? I don’t want her to sin by listening to the song. Should I tell her to delete it? How do I go about telling her to do so?

FATHER JOE: I suspect she already knows.

You can direct her to WIKEPEDIA: The song culminates in orgasm sounds by Birkin: mostly because of this, it was banned from radio in Spain, Sweden, Brazil, the UK, Italy, Poland, and Portugal, banned before 11 pm in France, not played by many radio stations in the United States because it was deemed too risqué, and denounced by the Vatican and the L’Osservatore Romano; one report even claimed the Vatican excommunicated the record executive who released it in Italy. Birkin says Gainsbourg called the Pope “our greatest PR man”.
chinonye, on March 4, 2015 at 2:56 pm said:

Its a french song titled “Je t’aime mon non plus

FATHER JOE: It is a lot of moaning, groaning nonsense… very juvenile. The melody was familiar, but I think the song was banned on U.S. radio back in the 1960’s. I recognize it because of a popular instrumental alternative that was played on radio by SOUNDS NICE. Was it a sin to download it? It was certainly stupid and I would urge you to be more careful. It is not merely sexual, but celebrating anal intercourse. That is pretty sick.
chinonye, on March 4, 2015 at 10:18 am said:

Hello Father
My mum asked me to download and send a song to her. The song has a sexual undertone. At the time I downloaded it, I didn’t know it was a sexual song. She said she wants a modern version of the song. What should I tell her? Have I led her to sin by sending such a song to her? I even started searching the modern version of the song before my sister remarked that the song was sexual and a bulb lit in my head that it was actually sexual. Did I commit a sin? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Not sure… what is the title of the song?