Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

caitlynnegrace, on January 6, 2015 at 6:49 am said:

Father,
Hi. Could I have your thoughts on the apparitions in Garabandal? Whenever I come across anything to do with the apparitions there, I am more drawn to the good lives of the visionaries and their calls to prayer, etc. When I feel down or empty within, I sometimes go online and read about what happened in Garabandal (also Lourdes, La Salette etc) and it has never failed to refresh me, strengthen me and to help me keep my eyes on the Lord. But still, I want to be sure I am not doing anything wrong. Thank you, Fr.

FATHER JOE: I personally do not believe it. The local bishops and the Church have argued there is no supernatural evidence in its favor. You would have to study it for yourself.
Brendan, on January 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm said:

Hi Father Joe,

I’ve been wondering about something for a long time. It’s something that I’ve done in the past but have also stopped and currently not doing. My question father is , is masterbation a sin? I’ve never had the opportunity to ask a Preist. I have just wondered in my head for the longest time about it. I have also took time to abstain from it just in case. I’ve heard alot of different answers from unreliable sources on the Internet that had all different answers. Than You Father in advance

FATHER JOE:

It is sinful matter.

[CCC 2352] By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
Leah, on January 4, 2015 at 5:01 pm said:

Father Joe,

I work with a group of well-meaning devout Evangelical women and I am the lone Catholic. They often question me about certain Catholic rituals and beliefs and I try to answer as best I can. But, I am not a theologian, and I don’t believe my answers have been very clear – partly, because I find it difficult to explain to an Evangelical (mostly Assembly of God and Independent Baptists). They are very respectful and I don’t feel that they are trying to push their faiths on me. I do feel that they are genuinely curious and I have invited them to attend Mass with my husband and I. Can you recommend a book that explains the Carholic Church and her positions with the Evangelicals in mind? Something not too academic. I’d like to read something like that myself, but would also like to recommend something to my friends.

Thanks in advance.

FATHER JOE: Let me give it some thought. There are a number of good books, but sometimes Catholic authors (especially by converts) are overly apologetic and triumphant in their approach. Such has its place, but you are looking for something more ecumenical in tone.
Ana, on January 2, 2015 at 9:52 pm said:

Dear Father,

I’m sorry if my last question from Dec. 27 was too controversial. I’m trying to figure it all out. Something’s been missing inside, not sure what, keeping me from healing more. Hopefully it’ll come.

I’m not sure if I ever said thank you for answering my and all of our questions like this, but thank you.

-Ana
lindsey, on January 2, 2015 at 3:50 pm said:

Hi Father,

My boyfriend and I plan to get married in 2 years (financial reasons) but we would like to move in together this summer. I want to be united under God before we move in. Are we permitted to have a ceremony between the 2 of us under God this summer, and then have a regular ceremony planned in 2 years (including state marriage license then)? We are both catholic. Thanks.

FATHER JOE: No, the bishops in the U.S. will not allow it. A priest is not permitted to marry a couple unless that marriage is also recognized by the state. Get your license and see your priest about getting married in the Church. A nuptial Mass does not have to be a fancy and expensive affair. My mother got married in her best dress and my father wore his one suit. The family had an outdoor summer picnic reception for them. Everyone brought food and while I was not yet conceived, I was told that everyone had a great time. Peace!
Susie, on January 2, 2015 at 1:31 pm said:

Father, you did not understand what I told you. It’s not me but HE who keeps calling me even after his marriage from different numbers that I haven’t saved in my phone. I don’t know his intentions are. I hate answering his calls as I dislike him. That’s why I’m asking you for help. He just wants to keep a track of me and even when he calls, pretends to be some unknown random caller, though unknowingly or knowingly has dropped clear hints that it is he himself. This is why I hate him. I feel sorry for his wife if she doesn’t know whats happening behind her back. Could you please tell me what must i do.
If I confront him he is surely going to deny the whole thing.

FATHER JOE: You mentioned nothing before about such phone calls. What is said? Why would he want to track you? If there is harassment then tell the authorities. But how do you know it is him? If not then the preoccupation is yours. I stand by what I said, you should not interfere with a husband and wife. What would I recommend? Change your phone number and stay out of their business. Given your feelings, it sounds like the relationship with your friend has come to an end. God bless!
caitlynnegrace, on January 2, 2015 at 8:46 am said:

This is for Denise who had a miscarriage. I too lost my 2nd child in a miscarriage. It took a scan to confirm my baby had gone. On that scan, my little one appeared to have a hand pressed up against my womb. For me, my child was saying goodbye. I never actually hoped for a baby girl but I felt in my heart that it was a girl. About 10 years and 4 children later, one day I wondered what this baby’s name was since I never named the baby. I said a prayer, asking God to tell me – if it was in His will. 3 days later, the name Regina came to me. That was a name I never would have chosen for my baby since we have people with the same name close to us, so I am sure my baby was a girl named Regina. The other special thing is Regina is a variant of the name Mary, and I’ve always wanted my girls’ middle name to have something of Mother Mary in it. These little things, for me, they prove what Fr Joe has told you: our little ones live on in the Lord.
Susie Dixon, on January 2, 2015 at 12:12 am said:

have a question for you.. a friend of mine has been studying the Catholic faith and attending masses regularly and will more than likely start taking classes to convert ….her husband isn’t quite there yet.. and she is hopeful that he will get there too.. however, on her journey she is starting to try and do things right.. for example..the rules of the church regarding birth control..etc.. she wants to follow the Natural Family Planning for their family, they are a young couple with 2 young children, her husband is NOT completely on board with this.. I have told her she needs to learn it WITH him so that it build his confidence that it works.. I’m not the greatest example for it as I have 7 kids! LOL.. but her question is, if she were to go to RCIA classes and totally convert, and he is still NOT on board with the NFP, would she not be able to receive communion if she cannot convince him to do the NFP? and to go along with that, any suggestions on how to help him along on this teaching? THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

FATHER JOE: Yes, she would still be able to convert, as long as there are no other issues (like a prior bond) that stand in the way. It would be recommended that her husband study NFP and the meaning of human sexuality along with her from the Catholic perspective. If he remains unconvinced, then the issue would revert to the private forum between them and her confessor. The difficulty with these matters is that she must also maintain a certain harmony in the home (and for the good of the children) where no one spouse has absolute control. The give-and-take between spouses and the compromises made are often unsatisfactory but also unavoidable. I would give her encouragement to further study the faith. Blessings!
chinonye, on December 31, 2014 at 12:04 pm said:

Hello Father
What is the Christian way to deal with a family member that uses emotional blackmail on you, and doesn’t accept you for who you are? A friend of mine told me in the past to give them some space, but I don’t want it to look like I’m being unforgiving or something because I’m tempted to do just that. When I try to tell that family member how I feel, she blows it out of proportion and turns it around like its my fault.
And when I’m sulking in the corner not talking to anyone, she gives off this air of “I don’t forgive”. I know I have issues with forgiveness and stuff but my needs are not being met as well. Sorry for the long post. Thanks.

FATHER JOE: When people play emotional games the only way to avoid the manipulation is to refuse to play with them. Let them know that you love them and care, but you have your own life to live. Your friend recommending “space” is probably right about this.
Denise, on December 31, 2014 at 7:01 am said:

Dear Father Joe,

I had a miscarriage at around 7 weeks during my first pregnancy. I was very saddened by this experience and continue to have a sadness that remains in my heart. I have since had 3 sons but wonder often about my first miscarriage. I know we believe, as Catholics, that life begins once the egg is fertilized. Am I then to believe that I actually lost a baby with my first miscarriage and that baby is now in Heaven? I want to believe this is true but am not certain as miscarriages in early pregnancies are so common. Thank you for your time and help.

-Denise

FATHER JOE: Yes, the children that are lost either through induced abortions (culpable) or spontaneous abortions/miscarriages (not culpable) are alive in the Lord. Women may even have children in heaven about whom they are not aware since fertilized ovum can be lost very early in the cycle. The soul is immortal. Once conceived, the person has an eternal destiny. Some couples name the children who die without seeing the light of day.
elise, on December 30, 2014 at 6:51 pm said:

Father Joe,

My father is physically and emotionally abusive towards me and I cannot remember a time that this was not so. He has cursed me, called me names, belittled me, choked me, held knives to me, and a loaded gun to my face. I am now an adult and I have a steady job and own my own house – I also live an hour away from him. He continues to verbally abuse me through phone calls and texts and emails. I have tried to detach myself from him as my therapist suggests, but I … don’t know. When I ignore my father he just gets worse and he tells me that I am ungrateful, sinful daughter and I should know better if I am a Christian – that I am breaking a commandment to honor my parents. I do honor and respect my mother, but I cannot respect him. Is this a sin? I don’t respect him at all and I fear that I don’t even love him. Maybe I am overthinking all this, but my father gets into my head so I don’t know if I am wrong or right.

FATHER JOE: If it is as you say, then your father is a sick and dangerous man. Detaching yourself from him is the only safe choice he has given you. You are not breaking any commandment. The sin is your father’s. If children are to obey and honor their parents then their parents must be honorable. He is not. Rather, he is abusive and manipulative. Indeed, given your testimony, he is a criminal. If he is a risk to anyone at present then I would urge contacting the authorities. Pray for him as our Lord has asked us to pray even for those who hate us and make themselves our enemies. God bless!
susie, on December 30, 2014 at 3:50 pm said:

I find him selfish, cunning, dominating and manipulative. i even told my friend this when she once came to me sobbing about some quarrel they had while they were dating. I told her that he wasn’t the right man for her. Ever since he came to know this he used to flaunt his affection in my prsence..wonder what he was trying to prove. How do I deal with his behaviour?

FATHER JOE: It is none of your business. It is not your place to come between a woman and her husband. If you dislike her husband then you may have to let go of any active relationship with your friend. Sorry, but you are the third wheel, involving yourself where you do not belong.
Susie, on December 30, 2014 at 2:01 pm said:

Dear Father,
There’s this man I just hated right from the beginning and unfortunately happened to be my friend’s boyfriend, now husband. He always knew that I didn’t like him and felt that I tried to separate him from my friend.
One thing I don’t understand is he keeps displaying publicly his affection for his wife in front of me deliberately and tries to check out my reaction. Even now I get calls from him all the time only coz he wants to brag that nothing could separate him from my friend and tries to show it off in front of me.
How do I react to his behaviour. It feels so bad that my best friend who was like my own sister had chosen to keep distance from me for the sake of that bugger.

FATHER JOE: You have said nothing that justifies your negative sentiments against him. They are husband and wife. You need to respect this fact. If you want a continued relationship with your friend, you should make amends with her husband. Even here you tear him down. This must stop. You are in the wrong about this.
filosoofiapeep, on December 30, 2014 at 7:10 am said:

Hello Father!
I’ve been addicted to porn for many years (since teenager). I’ve always known that it’s wrong but before becoming a catholic I always made up an excuse why to not deal with the problem. After becoming a catholic I faced the issue all the time , since I go to confession regularly, and I became more aware that this addiction is having control over me. I’ve tried praying regularly for purity, cold shower, special software to keep porn away from my computer etc. But my personal best before relapsing has been three weeks. I’ve always figured something out, like sending myself a lost password etc.
Recently I started with the audio hypnosis program. It seems to help and I have had no temptations for few days and even no thoughts of relapsing or sinning “just once more” etc. I somehow believe that it works. I try the program each night after the prayer (I’m saying to God that I do this partially to please him and become pure) and before going to bed.

Is it sinful to use audio hypnosis to beat the addiction?

FATHER JOE: I cannot think why such therapy would be wrong. You want to get control of your life. There is no third party exerting mind-control. There was once a Church bias against hypnosis, but only because it was practiced by charlatans and devotees of the occult. I have heard that some have used it successfully for other addictions, like smoking.
Maria, on December 29, 2014 at 8:12 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,
How can I best support my teenage God child who is going through serious doubts about God. Her mom says my God daughter is currently “anti-God.” She doesn’t get a whole lot of support in this area from her parents either. They are divorced and going through their own faith struggles as well. We live in opposite ends of the country and rarely get to see each other. I really want to help her come to know God and strengthen her faith.
Thank you for any advice you can give me.

FATHER JOE:

Distance is a big issue here. There is not much you can do. Is she a reader? These books might do some good:

The Godless Delusion: A Catholic Challenge to Modern Atheism by Patrick Madrid & Kenneth Hensley
Answering the New Atheism: Dismantling Dawkins’ Case Against God by Scott Hahn & Benjamin Wiker

Another help is involvement with believing young people her own age, especially if they are engaged in the helping ministries. I would question why she is angry with God. Not going to Mass or praying is probably part of it. I will keep the matter in prayer.
Jen, on December 29, 2014 at 12:05 am said:

Last Christmas, I went to confession the day prior because I got into a verbal argument with my husband and threw my rings off in the car. During confession, the priest asked me if I had apologized to my husband and my initial response was yes. I wasn’t trying to deceive the priest but simply answered yes without taking anytime to think it through. It was an automatic response. After approx. 5 seconds or so, I realized that I didn’t think I had apologized at all. I didn’t want to just leave with the yes I had said without thinking about it, so my next response was, “well… kind of… actually I think I need to re-apologize in a more verbal, formal manner when I get home.”

Basically, I wanted him to realize that I was going to make the situation better without looking like an idiot. I know that simply telling him my yes was not correct is what I should have done, but in the moment I was so embarrassed how it would look if I changed my answer afterwards that I kept trying to tell him in a roundabout way.

I have problems with being scrupulous so I explained the situation to my husband, after apologizing to him, and he felt that the priest understood that I didn’t feel I had made an adequate apology.

I let it go after that but it popped back into my head a year later and I wanted to see what you all thought? I am hoping my confession wasn’t invalid.

Thanks,

Jen

FATHER JOE: I agree with your husband… the priest understood the situation. You are absolved. Be at peace about it.
Marie Hernandez, on December 28, 2014 at 7:33 pm said:

Sometimes I like to read fanfiction of popular books. Some of the stories portray the characters as being in homosexual relationships. Is it a sin to read those? Thank you!

FATHER JOE: I suppose it would depend upon the type of fiction. If the relationship is peripheral to the story then there is probably no serious issue. If the book is soft-porn and delights in describing sexual encounters then it is not for the eyes of Christians. Unfortunately, fan fiction is increasing riddled with lewd themes that reflect the sick fantasies of admirers.
HSS, on December 28, 2014 at 7:23 am said:

Dear Fr. Joe,
Thank you for your time to answer our questions (no matter how silly or improper) despite your busy Christmas activities. I hope Christ continues to work through you, in guiding us that reside in various corners of the world.
My question is in regards to the statement that John the Baptist was born free of original sin as St. Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit during the visitation of Mother Mary. Perhaps you can share some thoughts on this? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: It is not Catholic teaching. The presumption is that John was born in sin. Indeed, it is reflective of his ministry and his words in reference to his standing with Jesus. Elizabeth does not conceive by the Holy Spirit. She is not singularly graced by the Spirit, either. She is simply moved to prophesy.
Lisa Baer, on December 27, 2014 at 4:54 pm said:

Hi. I am not Catholic, but have been a Christian most of my life. I’m not sure what to make of something I saw. I was watching tv in my living room this last August, when I saw something move out on my front porch. I looked and saw what I believe may be an angel. It had the shape of a person, no details though, no wings, and it was pure bright light. It moved from my window over to the door, then to my sidewalk and I could see the light shine through the bush there. This has never happened to me before, I am not the most comitted follower of God, and I have no idea why I saw it. Do you know if this could have been a message from God to me? Can I communicate with this angel? Is this common for people to see these? Thanks, Lisa

FATHER JOE: If God or one of his angels wanted to contact you, it would be clear and direct. I suspect it was a trick of the eyes and a flickering light outside. Peace!
Erik, on December 27, 2014 at 6:18 am said:

I had a dream where i was repairing a boat (on land) with my father and sister. Suddenly a taxi drive up and my sister turns to me and says “Your late for your wedding!”. Upon hearing this i run to the taxi. However i wake up as its starting to drive away. I ask because that night i had prayed for God to give my some foresight and vision to what my goals will amount to and how to get there. It might be nothing. Thanks!

FATHER JOE: Don’t know what to say.
Amuse me with your explanation..., on December 27, 2014 at 3:06 am said:

I once was a devout Catholic but my faith has been significantly diminished to a mere thread barely hanging on. The process has been a long and arduous one filled with my mind becoming a constant battle ground in a full scale civil war if you will inside of my mind. I am in a state of believing and at the same time I do not believe. My life has been a hard one full of trials that have tested me as much as Job. Lost my kid in my wife’s miscarriage twice and forced to through many undesirable things and well…I could go on

FATHER JOE: Why would I want to “Amuse you with an explanation” as you label yourself? We must all deal with the human condition the best we can. God bless!
Ana, on December 27, 2014 at 12:57 am said:

Dear Father,

Ive cut myself again today, and I want to feel so sorry that I’d never do it again. I know I did wrong because “God says not to”…but I don’t understand why it’s wrong to hurt me. It feels right to hurt me, sane.

All I heard in my head was my dad telling me to “have mercy, be forgiving” whenever I got sad or angry over the hurtful, cruel things my mother would do/say. I’d feel very guilty, and crazy for feeling hurt in the first place. I had to make it real. “Mercy” means to me that I hurt so my family doesn’t. It sounds kind of messed up as I write it out, but that’s how I understand it.

Why is it wrong to hurt myself, Father? It’s why I was born. Doesn’t God want us to sacrifice ourselves? To give at cost of ourselves? Isn’t that what love is?

Please help me. I’m worried for my soul. My counselor is a good man, a Christian, but I don’t know if he can tell me why “God says not to”.

-Ana

FATHER JOE: Hurting oneself is a corollary violation of the commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.” You counselor is right, it is forbidden. But it also defaces or violates the beauty and integrity of the human person. In other words, it undermines your inherent dignity as a person. There is nothing about mercy or true sacrifice in hurting or defiling yourself. It is one thing to take up the crosses that come to us; it is entirely another to crucify ourselves. Seeking pain for pain’s sake is a form of sadism and is a terrible moral sickness. There is nothing of genuine penance or mortification about it. Continue with your counseling and try to love yourself as God loves you.
chinonye, on December 23, 2014 at 10:01 pm said:

Hello Father
I also wanted to ask, is calling my sister insensitive judgemental and therefore mortal or venial? I ask this because I ve been wanting to tell my sister for a long time how I felt about certain things she did which has hurt me in the past. But because I didn’t want a fight, I kept it hidden. But today I felt a strong urge to tell her how I felt, and now I feel super guilty.

FATHER JOE: I do not know enough about your relationship to answer. It might be best just to let the past stay in the past. Peace!
chinonye, on December 23, 2014 at 9:37 pm said:

Hello Father
Is it bad for me to pray the rosary alone as opposed to saying it with my family? My family rush through the prayers and after telling them to say it gently and meditatively they still rush. Whereas when I say it on my own I feel a great sense of peace and consolation. I don’t mean to judge my family members but I hope Mother Mary wouldn’t be unhappy with me for this decision as group rosary is preferred to a private one. Thanks

FATHER JOE: I also prefer to say the Rosary alone. But it has value in both settings.
Victor, on December 23, 2014 at 8:03 pm said:

I said holy hell this is good soup.

Sin or not?

Thanks!

Sorry for all the questions!

FATHER JOE: You probably used it as part of an emphatic assertion (for emphasis). I would ordinarily see the expression as targeting a contradiction…. for instance: A person says “this is good soup.” Another responds, “holy hell!” meaning “like hell it is” the soup is awful. I suppose it is no more wrong than shouting, “Great Caesar’s ghost!”