Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Dellenite, on July 14, 2014 at 2:28 pm said:

Good, so just being Catholic won’t make one superior to another, unless that comes along with washing feet, being the least, loving ones enemies. There’s always going to be some sort of good fruit. So no matter how many times I go to mass or how many rituals I observe it doesn’t really count towards heaven if I’m busy doing it all out of personal gain or with the intent of making it exclusive to myself. Is that correct?

FATHER JOE: There is a basic principle: whatever is received is received according to the mode of the recipient. The Eucharist and prayer can be very valuable for grace. However, we must always be disposed to grace. Just going through the motions is insufficient.
Anonymous, on July 14, 2014 at 9:20 am said:

Hi Father. I was just wondering about the seal of confession. If a priest said “the other day, a boy with a blue shirt once said that he stole five apples from the supermarket.” did he break the seal of confession then?

FATHER JOE: If such information came through the sacrament then YES, the seal was broken.
Jenni M.S., on July 14, 2014 at 7:21 am said:

Thank you for your response to my post. Yes, my circumstance is a downer to those who hear it, but it’s not a fantasy warped by anger and despair. These are facts about my life. I also described myself as being funny and chipper to those around me. I do my best to live out the commandments with love. I was only speaking honestly here of the less than sparkly aspects of my circumstance, since the burden is just so excruciating at times. As you can understand, I’ve encountered other people who also aren’t so eager to accept hardships can come undeservedly to some without end in sight, while others may inflict pain without consequence. And no, my husband isn’t capable of the sacrament. He does say he feels bad that he hasn’t been able to bring himself to try an emotional and conjugal relationship with me, and that he won’t stop drinking among other things. I’m sure that makes more sense to someone not female. Having a family seems to let him feel he appears acceptable in his own eyes or to what he believes others expect of him. I’ve considered he might be gay and I do feel sorry for him. I still hold out hope for my going into remission or any miracle that would let me out of this “marriage.” I have been laboring under the misapprehension that if we are to love God, then we must love the truth, meaning we’re unafraid to acknowledge it–not that we love it when things are awful. And we also have to be humble enough to believe that we are each no better nor worse than the next person, and worthy of God’s love. I long for a day when these groups that fight to protect the unborn will also realize the sanctity of life continues after one is born. I just wanted to make sure I researched all avenues before accepting that this really is to be the fate of my children and self.

FATHER JOE: I think the charge that pro-lifers are only concerned about the child in the womb is erroneous. Look at the parishes. We pray and support children and their families. We march for the right to life. We give to the Gabriel Project for mothers who feel afraid and alone. We have Project Rachel to give emotional and spiritual support to women who made the wrong choice in having abortions. We support the local Pregnancy Centers and initiatives to assist mothers in trouble. We have programs for families and to protect our children.
Dellenite, on July 11, 2014 at 3:27 pm said:

But I may have missed your point. Does labeling something Catholic make it good? Also, does just being part of the Catholic culture make you good? Is there no further requirement? Conversely does being a Samaritan make you bad? Christ seemed to be arguing against this. For example if I do bad things but I parade around under a religious banner. Does the banner make me good? To me, it seems like Christ is saying to fall under the banner, FIRST, you have to be good. Horse before the cart.

FATHER JOE: Huh? Catholicism is something that I would judge as good. However, just labeling something as “Catholic” would not make it so. The word “catholic” comes from the Greek and means universal. The Gospel and message of salvation is universally offered. What remains is our response. The Samaritans were a particular people and their descendants are still with us. Some of them are Christians and others still keep their faith which might be judged as a variation of Judaism. We would judge nothing pejorative about them. A banner might identify us but banners can also be deceptive. Catholicism is the Church of sinners and saints.
Michelle morningstar, on July 10, 2014 at 6:51 pm said:

I seen a demon on my friends back, do think he asked it to come to him? and if this person is still my friend can the demon attach to me too? I could see spirits since I was a kid but this is the first demon who showed it’s self

FATHER JOE: See a doctor and if he says there is nothing wrong with you, see a priest.
Ruth, on July 10, 2014 at 4:31 pm said:

1. 2004:I saw this guy for the first time 10 years ago. Didn’t come across as striking, but was very different from other guys of his age. Smart yet down to earth. I forget about him.
2.2004: The next time I see him 4 months later. He is my confirmation class. Again I just notice him. Average guy, but very humble and friendly.
3. Something about him makes me think about him once in a way..but nothing serious.
4. 2007: I got to know that he is in my friend’s class and has taken up the same subjects as me, but we are in a different college. Now I start taking more interest.
5. Thanks to the introduction of social networking sites, I kept stalking him. I guess I started having a crush on him.
6. 2008: I deliberately join a course which he has joined, here I got to meet him and his friend. His friend and I became best friends and the friend got to know my feelings his friend.
7. He tried his best to help me by making us exchange numbers.
8. However this guy turned out to be so shy around me, that we hardly kept in touch through text..except for one or two messages. However, he was very cordial when I used to meet him face to face, though shy. His best friend literally begs me to tell his friend about my feeling. I don’t, and I make him promise me that he wouldn’t disclose my secret to his best friend.
9. 2009: He leaves for another city to work.
We lose each others contact and have never ever been in touch till today except for occasional bumping into each other, maybe thrice till now.
Now after TEN WHOLE YEARS, I still keep thinking about him. I’m unable to think about marrying somebody else as it would be unfair to the boy and to my marriage as well.
I don’t know will I be able to forget him. He is on my mind. But I’m too shy to contact him in any way.
Is this love or madness?? Please help. And thank you so much for patiently reading this message.

FATHER JOE: It is still more an infatuation than love. If you want to explore possibilities then contact him and come clean. Otherwise, forget him and get on with your life.
Dellenite, on July 10, 2014 at 2:12 pm said:

Wow, OK, I guess subtle doesn’t work. In the story of the good sumaritan a lawyer of the Church came to Christ and it came to the point of him asking who then is my neighbor? In those days the Samaritan was an outcast, so the lawyer was expecting that there had to be some sort of limit on who we have to love and include. Does labeling something Catholic or being part of a Catholic culture ever fall under that reasoning? Such that we have to stop and ask ourselves who is my neighbor? If it does, then why all the hype about the Good Samaritan being Samaritan. Surely there’s a limit on how much God ask us to love and forgive. Why else label ourselves Catholic, if it doesn’t come with that requirement. Does the culture or the label Catholic carry with it the good of the Samaritan? Or does having to be Good come along with Catholic?

FATHER JOE: Even Jesus told the Samaritan woman that “salvation comes through the Jews.” So, if I am following you, my answer is NO. Just calling something Catholic is no offense against love or an expression of wrongful prejudice. Catholic Charities helps millions of suffering people, like the Samaritan in the parable, even though many of them are not Catholic. Catholic culture is open to dialogue and healthy reasoning. It stresses definite values and human rights. Here in the Washington area, for instance, we have a large Moslem community of students who attend Catholic University. They feel more at home in a Catholic environment than in a secular school setting. As for limits on love and forgiveness, I do not know of any. If Jesus can die for love of us, then any imitation of his must also embrace such sacrifice. Mercy is given, even when it is hard to render. The label Catholic signifies a love of neighbor. So yes, I think it is for the good of the whole world that we live out our Catholicity. I fail to see why you would think otherwise. Non-Catholics and even non-Christians often thank God for the Catholic Church and her presence in society.
Dellenite, on July 9, 2014 at 10:41 pm said:

Well I listen to Catholic radio, and they mention the word Catholic as if the label is more important than the action of being Catholic. Is a Catholic radio station better than a Christian one? What distinguishes Catholic radio waves from normal ones? Does the mere association with Catholic make something better or does it require some sort of action and accountability as well? What about the culture of being Catholic, Catholic schools, Catholic events, where would a Good Samaritan fit in with that, since he’s not a Catholic. Is he still my neighbor?

FATHER JOE: Still not sure what you mean. Catholic radio and television (like EWTN) has arrived late on the scene and pales by comparison to Protestant efforts. As secular radio and television has revoked time for religious programing, these efforts insure that we can still transmit the Catholic message and that shut-ins can enjoy the Mass. What is so wrong with that? Do we claim to be better or just want to join others in sharing what we believe? Catholic schools were started to transmit our faith and values to the next generation. I am the product of public schools but went to weekend religious education. Sometimes we have to challenge secular values taught in public schools. We have a right to do this. It is an element of our religious liberty. Most Catholic schools in my area have a large percentage or even a majority of non-Catholics in attendance. Other Christians also trust the values we are seeking to transmit. Not everything is competition. Catholicism today is about building partnerships with others to build up safe and wholesome communities. We will not betray our Catholic identity, but we also acknowledge our multiculturalism and differing gifts.
Dellenite, on July 9, 2014 at 7:09 pm said:

I have noticed that some express their Catholism as a culture and a label for example by expressing how many siblings they have in their family, or perhaps in a silly way like they drive a Catholic car or talk on a Catholic phone or wear Catholic shoes . Is that sort of reasoning ever dangerous or tribilistic. In the Good Samaritan was the Samaritan bad because he wasn’t Catholic or was he good because his actions were good? Do Catholics ever cross a line with culture and labels such that it hurts their neighbors in unintentional ways? Can I smack people on the head with my Catholic bible, while they shouldn’t hit me on the head with their Christian ones?

FATHER JOE: Not sure what you are saying. How is having siblings or a car or phone or shoes in any way sectarian, even culturally? While there are discussions about the numerical canon and translations, Catholics are not really engaged in bible wars. In addition, Catholic bibles are also Christian. Ghetto Catholicism disappeared decades ago.
Joshua McElhinney, on July 9, 2014 at 3:42 am said:

Thank you father, that really helped.
Joshua McElhinney, on July 9, 2014 at 12:26 am said:

I am sorry to bother you father but does that mean they can be forgiven?

FATHER JOE: If they were intensely ignorant of the Catholic faith initially, that might be a factor. However, if one knowingly and willingly turns against Christianity and Christ, and dies in such a state, I would suspect the prospects are pretty dim. However, while they have a beating heart and lungs that breathe, they might still repent and come back to Jesus. Remember, Peter denied Jesus three times, but repented and was healed.
Joshua McElhinney, on July 9, 2014 at 12:10 am said:

Thank you father
Joshua McElhinney, on July 8, 2014 at 11:19 pm said:

Can someone be forgiven for converting from christianity or is that considered the unforgivable sin?

FATHER JOE: Let us call it what it is, renouncing Christ. Jesus says in Matthew 10:32-33: “Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.” One can repent, but what if one does not?
teenawrites, on July 6, 2014 at 4:30 pm said:

Dear Father,

You are right, my mother is not in a state of mind for me to discuss this with her. Wonder if such counselors exist here. Thanks for the prompt reply, Father. God Bless!
Ruth, on July 6, 2014 at 3:37 pm said:

Thank you so much father.
Teena, on July 6, 2014 at 3:27 pm said:

Dear Father,

I just saw the comment posted by Ruth. Who do we talk to if we fear sexual intimacy or rather find it revolting. I made the mistake of discussing this with a priest who I later realized was crazy about sex or desperate for it rather. Is there no hope for a woman who wants security but yet, no sex?

Thanks and Regards, T

FATHER JOE: Before marriage, I would hope that girls would discuss these matters with their mothers. Of course, there may be various levels of dysfunction in the home. I still think that concerns about intimacy from single women should be discussed with another woman (like a counselor trained for such discussions). Within marriage, the couple need to communicate directly, even if it is facilitated by a group-counselor. Priests can speak to couples, especially about moral matters. But I do not think it prudent for a priest to speak alone with a woman on sexual matters and her issues with intimacy. A referral should be made.
Ruth, on July 6, 2014 at 3:03 pm said:

Another question father-
“Remember the sabbath day and keep it holy”
How do we do this in our family life? I mean priest and religious people would be busy offering masses and praying.
But as a family, people prefer going shopping, or for a casual outing to the park or beach or a movie.
Students would spend time completing an assignment or studying for an exam which is soon approaching.
Some people other than doctors are required to work on Sundays..life in big corporates have made things like the way they are now.
So how exactly are we supposed to keep the Sabbath holy. This commandment has been in my mind and confusing me since years!

FATHER JOE: The commandment is amplified by the precepts of the Church. Catholics participate at Mass. We try to avoid unnecessary servile work (but this is not always possible) and we devote time to leisure, home and family. Certain occupations like policemen, fire fighters, doctors, etc. are given a certain liberality or allowance because of charity and the public good. In a society that no longer recognizes Sunday as holy, many Catholics must work or else possibly forfeit their jobs… which they need for their families. We do what we have to do. But we should not forget God.
Ruth, on July 6, 2014 at 2:28 pm said:

Every word what you said is true father. I didn’t know I would be coming in their way..feeling bad about it now. Yes she is scared of sexual intimacy which she mentioned many times before marriage. I guess the best thing I could do, being her friend is to pray for her, and keep my mouth shut. Thanks a million father. You are definitely a blessing to confused Catholics!!

FATHER JOE: Friends seeing trouble might also recommend they BOTH see a professional to help them in private… in regard to fears and to facilitate proper communication.
Ruth, on July 6, 2014 at 6:16 am said:

Father this is about my friend as I long to help her out. She was very happy in her single life but got married only coz its a necessity in our society. Now her marriage has come to a point where the husband and his mum complain that even six months after the wedding she hasn’t agreed to have a sexual intercourse with him. He feels really depressed because of this.

Being her best friend I questioned her about it. She told me that during foreplay he had bitten her so her that she got such a fright and never even slept with him again. She even complains that he is an animal and does not know how to be romantic.
The family and all who know her think of her as a bad girl coz of this. But only I know what pain and fright she must have been through after he bit her. She used to complain for days after that about the pain. I long to help her. Could you please give me some advice on this. Since I’m myself unmarried I just don’t know wat to advise her.
I feel helpless and sorre when I have to just hear her crying and do nothing.

FATHER JOE:

You are not going to like what I have to say.

What country and society is this? Women are no longer required to get married in American society, although as a Christian I believe that sexual expression belongs exclusively to marriage.

As for sexual congress, that is not a matter for argumentation from in-laws. However, reserving ourselves to the couple, a wife who refuses the marital act to her husband commits grievous sin. You mean well, but you have inadvertently gotten between her and her husband. She should not be sharing elements of their intimacy with you but working out her problems with her husband, directly. Her best friend must be her husband. If you get in the way of this then you are “the BAD girl.” She is a grown woman. She can tell her husband “no bites” or she can “bite him back.” These are just excuses to avoid her marital duties. In cases of genuine abuse, she could report him to the authorities. All you have is her side of the story. Be warned about this. It may be they need to see a marriage counselor, together. Tell her to discuss these matters with her husband. Then you should then step back. I suspect the real issue is that she is scared and uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. She is culpable, in part, for the frustration and temptations this creates for her husband. Step back from her or else you will get in the way. That would be a sin on your part. She is a married woman, not single like you. She belongs to her husband. He belongs to her. She should cry on her husband’s shoulder, not yours.
Sanailys Perez, on July 5, 2014 at 9:11 pm said:

Can u get rid of demons, stop seeing scary stuff because the things i see 2 people that have black robes I see thing that other people cant see when there right there, hearing thing please pray for me every day dont forget about help please i am 13 year old I am a girl?

FATHER JOE: Seeing and hearing things unnoticed by others is not really a sign of possession. Tell your parents and ask to see a doctor. I know some who have had similar symptoms because of ADD medication side-effects. Many prayers for healing. Peace.
Ruth, on July 3, 2014 at 2:31 pm said:

Thanks a lot father.
Kylie, on July 2, 2014 at 8:08 am said:

Hi I been having this one question for quite some time now and even feel embarrassed to ask but I need to know um when I was 16 I felt in love with a guy at first site we hung out he would sing at the choir at church and I we would go out point is i wad afraid of falling in love so I would just show him I wasn’t interested cause I thought he wasn’t then he we talk to be about if I wanted to start a relationship and I said no but in the inside I was saying yes ha’ and I just didn’t want him to see I was in love with him and sooo I stopped communicating with him and sooo it ended just like that and so now I regretted and I just can’t get over about Him now I’m married with a baby I feel bad but I just still think about him since then I don’t know what to do I feel like a failure to God

FATHER JOE: You are married with a baby. Your husband and child is your vocation. Concentrate on that. Let the past go. Past possibilities were not meant to be. If you are a good wife and mother the God will be pleased.
Ruth, on July 1, 2014 at 3:25 am said:

So in that case father, since it is a sin, how are we supposed to treat transgenders??? can we just ignore them when they approach us?? I find transgenders ugly, scary and ill mannered too.

FATHER JOE:

I know there is a concern, even among the more liberal, because of the embarrassment of bathroom demands. The Knights of Columbus recruiters have been warned that some of these women, who feel they are men, have sought membership in the Knights. Given hormonal treatments, it may not be immediately evident that they are female. They are not eligible. Similarly, some of them have sought to enter seminaries. If there is deception, the baptismal certificates and physicals still make it possible to close the door to them. Only men can be priests. Similarly there would be exclusion for these men and women in regard to convents of sisters and matrimony. The Church cannot witness what are still essentially same-sex unions.

All this makes your question very complex. President Obama regards the exclusion of transgendered persons to be bigotry and discrimination. If matters continue in this direction, we may face legal sanctions. This may become another religious liberty question.

While not compromising either natural or divine positive law, we need to treat all people with human respect and compassion. Whatever the mental confusion people suffer, we are called both to tolerance and to render challenge as emanations of Christian charity. These people are still our brothers, sisters, sons and daughters. They are often filled with great anger, frustration and sadness. Many are aware of their brokenness. We need to be able to cry with them and let them know they are loved.
Samantha, on June 30, 2014 at 7:58 pm said:

Dear Father,

My husband (now ex) had taken a test prior to marriage which revealed Asthenoteratozoospermia. He never told me but when I found out after marriage, he denied its significance and asked for me to join him for a medical checkup or couples counselling regarding his erection problems and our sexual issues. I tried my best to go for personal counselling from him blaming my marriage with him as a curse which led to his father’s paralysis (a car accident months after our wedding) and the reason he can’t consummate.

I’m going for an annulment non-consummation grounds. I was told it would be difficult to get an annulment with only the wife’s version as neither himself nor his mom (who he hates) turned up for any of the tribunal appointments. During our marriage although emotionally and sexually abusive he used to digitally stimulate me to orgasm but not attempt intercourse. Once he got violent when my dad asked why he refused to live with me that he tried to force me for oral sex which I refused. I felt so degraded. He later denied it and said I was a lying sexually frustrated [deleted]. I didn’t understand then but now after this mess I feel sexually used. I thought if I forgave, loved him and took care of his dad, he would come back but just kept using that as an excuse to have me take care of his dad since he couldn’t rely on his mom or brothers. I prayed and surrendered my marriage or if ever there was a sacrament and gave all the love I knew that now I feel so stupid and lost. I gave him my wealth and health— my reproductive years.

I am broken although I took the step to not be abused and manipulated any further by him or his family since he was avoiding and rejecting me for the past 2 years of this non-consummated marriage.

I was asked by a priest why I remained in such a non-sacramental marriage but my answer was that I forgave him and assumed his intention to live with me genuine and trusted him even after I found out his medical reports and a prior lady relationship (he says platonic) maintained after my marriage.

I would like to know from you Father, even if in one year I get my annulment does that automatically grant him one too ?And can he deceive and re-marry another Catholic woman in Church?

FATHER JOE:

The issue of low sperm count does not negate a marriage, however the issue of deceit is significant as is the wholly different matter of potency. A man must be able to consummate the marital bond (at least initially). However, there were evidently other issues since he regarded the marriage as a curse and faulted it for his father’s accident, which is a real stretch.

Answering your question, yes, if you are granted an annulment, that applies to both of you. Unless there is a monitum (warning) attached, you would both be free to marry again in the Church. However, if he is impotent, that is an impediment that would prevent further marriage in the Church.
Ruth, on June 30, 2014 at 5:09 am said:

Hello Father,

“But I tell you, whoever looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart.”

Does this apply to love at first sight? I mean that’s how it works isn’t it? The guy sees the girl for the first time, falls in love and wants to marry her.

Also Father, what is your opinion on transgenders? Is it against Catholic teaching?

FATHER JOE:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28).

Love at first sight is an immediate fascination. The verse here is in reference to lust and desiring a person who belongs to someone else. These are very different things. The first is morally neutral, albeit not actually a mature and mutual love. The latter is always a sin because the human person is devalued and objectified for man’s base desires.

The Catholic Church views homosexuality as a serious disorientation. The so-called transgender topic implies that men and women can designate a change in gender despite the physical make-up of the body. Not only is the person viewed as disordered, he or she is not empowered by God to make such a relabeling. We cannot change our gender.