Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Ana, on June 28, 2014 at 2:59 pm said:

Father,

Can you please help me understand Justice? It confuses me. I know logically it’s not against compassion and mercy (or else it wouldn’t be a virtue, right?) and “giving others their due” seems pretty vague.
I’m starting to struggle with anger for how I’ve been hurt, see, and I realized that I shouldn’t hate the ones who hurt me, nor should I allow them hurt me more. I try to pray for them, which is often a challenge, but is that all I should do? I think this is what’s merciful, but is it just, too?

Thanks,
-Ana

FATHER JOE: Justice finds its source in God who wills perpetually and unalterably that everyone receive what is his due. God has given us divine positive law and natural law. We are to lived in obedient conformity with his commandments. Each human being has a certain dignity and rights in regard to justice. Divine justice also speaks to the common good. Judgment is reflective of both divine justice and mercy. According to justice, God owes us nothing and we deserve to be condemned. According to charity, God redeems us in Jesus Christ and original sin is remitted. However, we can fail to live out our(baptismal) calling and defy God and act unjustly to our brothers and sisters. Judgment will come to all, some will be found worthy of the Lamb that was Slain. Others, will face the prospect of punishment and perdition. Purgatory can satisfy temporal punishment due to sin. However, if one has turned away from God, this hatred will lead to hell. God will not force us to love him. He gives to each his due. The damned want no part of heaven. Judgment merely makes visible the terrible truth, that the damned have already embraced hell. Similarly God knows our hearts and will not turn his face away from the children who belong to him.
catholic girl, on June 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm said:

Hi Fr Joe
Would it be considered adultery if a Catholic girl is in a relationship with a lapsed catholic or a non catholic man who is separated from his wife (they didn’t marry in church).

Thank you for your time.

FATHER JOE: Either way (with a lapsed Catholic or non-Catholic) it is scandalous. We recognize the marriages of non-Catholics, even in secular settings. Yes, intimacy with such a person would be adultery.
Suzy, on June 25, 2014 at 7:05 pm said:

Hello Father. My sister and her husband were raised Catholic but ‘converted’ to Hinduism. I use quotation marks because I don’t know if there are obligations to fully convert and if they fulfilled them. They have a 6 mth old baby girl and we want her baptized,but,her parents don’t agree. They’re sort of on-edge about it,so,we might convince them to give the baby this sacrament,but,we don’t want to offend my sister and be too pushy. What can you suggest we say to her to persuade her to have her baby baptized?Thank you.

FATHER JOE: If the mother and father have left the Church for Hinduism, it is not possible for them to have their child baptized. The only exception would be if the child is raised by Catholic grandparents or given into a Christian family’s legal custody (guardianship). Baptism is a great sacrament but it is not magic. The rite makes it clear that the parents will live the faith and share it with their children. This couple cannot do that. By definition, Hinduism rejects both monotheism and the lordship of Jesus Christ. This is grievously wrong. The priest cannot bless this couple. Any promises they might make are lies. Jesus and the Scriptures are very clear upon this point: (Matthew 10:32-33) “Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.” The child is the victim of their loss of faith. Pray for them but you cannot do their job for them.
Lisa, on June 25, 2014 at 5:18 pm said:

Thank you, Father Joe, for your quick reply. You have put my mind at ease. I am a recent convert to the Church and there is so much to learn! It is daunting and exciting. I have never felt so spiritually alive since my confirmation & first communion. I still always have so many questions for my parish priest that I must overwhelm him at times, though I suppose that the enthusiasm of recent converts is a common thing (though I hope I never lose it). Anyway, I am so grateful for your blog as a resource. And, I thank you for your reply. I am so happy to know that I may include my grandparents as a Mass intention. I was very close to them & loved them a great deal and want to continue to be the best granddaughter that I can be to them after their deaths as well.

One further question, do you have a favourite or is their a particularly popular prayer for souls in Purgatory?

Also, God bless you for this wonderful online ministry!

FATHER JOE: I often make up prayers for the poor souls. But here is a good one: “Eternal Father, I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the Masses said throughout the world today, for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the Universal Church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen.”
Ruth, on June 25, 2014 at 4:30 pm said:

Hello Father, another question, what if a couple gets divorced, legally as well as in church, and then they make up and decide to get back again… do they have to go through the whole ceremony of marriage again or just start living a new life together?

FATHER JOE: There is no Church divorce. If a civilly divorced couple were married also in the Church, then the Church still regards them as husband and wife. They could live together and share sexual congress. However, there would be no civil standing.
Jenni M.S., on June 25, 2014 at 4:19 pm said:

I am married to an alcoholic. I consider the marriage fraudulent based on his emotional ineptitude, lying, and emotional abuse over the years. His drinking is under control but he is still unwilling to have any physical relationship with me. I’m reluctant to leave because the thought of leaving the children with him unsupervised for even 24 hours terrifies me, as he is neglectful and toxic. Plus his family has demonstrated abusive behavior and I wouldn’t want to relinquish my ability to protect my children. The kids are in therapy. Lawyers that I have spoken with tell me that it would be hard to prove supervision is needed since there is no documentation of his troubles. I have been struggling with a chronic illness that I’m not entirely ready to dismiss as having been greatly exacerbated by this emotional hell. I struggle with living a lie and resent being forced into celibacy-not just from the emotional abandonment, but being married prevents me from finding another partner. The kids beg me for a better daddy and to leave theirs. I tell them he is their dad even if I’m no longer married to him. I strive for peace and a better relationship between them, while helping and guiding them through these complexities. He has made some strides but is so emotionally shut down, I don’t know how much is possible. Both our families, like most of society, encourages the idea that this is a woman’s lot, and that as much as possible needs to be done to make a man’s life comfortable, or they don’t understand that it’s not as simple as divorcing–that it won’t erase these concerns and the reality of my illness– but I don’t know how I can go on like this. I mourn the children and life I can’t have, while my heart breaks for the beautiful ones I do have, seeing them struggle. I’m pouring out my troubles here, but I do keep a positive front most times. Despite my physical weaknesses, I am active and fit. People describe me as funny and chipper. I’ve tried therapy myself and they agree I should leave him and that it would be bad for the kids not to be protected. I have no family that can help. Am I doomed to Hell for being stupid enough to make the percentage of my life a falsehood and bringing children into the world when I can’t save them from undue suffering? My faith is so important and God has truly worked miracles in my life, but maybe I ran out of graces with my idiocy. Isn’t the greatest sin wasting one’s life? Can I still seek salvation for my soul despite making these irreparable, tragic mistakes?

FATHER JOE: You have to be careful that anger and despair do not further poison your life. Look at how you describe your husband: “emotional ineptitude,” “lying,” “emotional abuse,” “unwilling to have any physical relationship,” “neglectful,” “toxic,” “terrifies me,” and “emotionally shut down.” About yourself, you use the descriptions, “chronic illness,” “doomed to hell,” “stupid,” “life as a falsehood,” “ran out of graces,” and “my idiocy.” You are also frustrated that you cannot spare your children of “undue suffering” but of course, this is the sentiment of most parents. You finish by speaking of your life in terms of “irreparable, tragic mistakes.” What is done is done. The ideal would be the mutual support of spouses, including the duty of intimacy between spouses. But we live in a broken world. I only have your side of the story and so anything I say is limited and biased. No one should feel trapped in an abusive situation. If the character defects are as you narrate, one would have to wonder if your spouse had the capacity to live out the sacrament. Salvation is not based upon perfect happiness in this world. Rather, it is about faith and charity. Do we live out the commandments in love?
lisa, on June 24, 2014 at 10:02 pm said:

Hello Father,

Is it permissible to have a Mass said for the soul of someone who was not Catholic? My grandparents recently died and were faithful Baptists. I would love to have a Mass said for them. I am Catholic, btw.

FATHER JOE: A Mass intention can pretty much be offered for anyone.
Piers, on June 24, 2014 at 7:08 pm said:

Dear Father, I don’t know the ancient texts off hand, though I believe the expression comes up in the Greek Anthology and in several pre-Socratic texts. When I have more information, I’ll let you know.

FATHER JOE: That would place them in an entirely different cultural setting. While the NT is passed down in Greek, Jesus was speaking within a Jewish context. It is still curious.
Ana, on June 24, 2014 at 10:46 am said:

Thank you, Father, for the reality check. That someone was letting fear cloud her judgement.

-Ana
danafrancois, on June 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm said:

Dear Father,

Is it possible for a Catholic priest to perform a wedding in an episcopal church? Both my fiancé and I are Catholic. I am not too sure of the rules with regards to this.

Thanks for your help.

FATHER JOE: Why would you want a Catholic priest to marry you in an Episcopal church? Short of an unforeseen and extraordinary permission from the bishops, the answer is no.
Debbie, on June 23, 2014 at 8:54 pm said:

Dear Father, Thank you for your response regarding my marriage. I am still wondering, though, if I am committing adultry because my husband’s former marriage was not annuled and our marriage has not been convalidated?

FATHER JOE: Sorry, I tried to answer in a way that may have failed because I was too tactful. I would not want to cause you undue pain. Here is the situation: if a man were married before and there has been no annulment, then he is not free to marry again. By definition, a married man who attempts marriage with another or engages in sexual congress with another, commits adultery. A Catholic married outside the Church, even to another single person is also not truly married. Until there is a convalidation, they would be guilty of cohabitation and fornication. That is pretty blunt. I prefer my earlier answer. Look to how you can possibly correct the situation. Many prayers!
Ana, on June 23, 2014 at 2:47 pm said:

Dear Father, if someone were to give herself up to an abuser to save her sister, as she remembered said abuser told her if she ever told anyone about what he did to her he’d kill her sister, would she be sinning?-Ana

FATHER JOE: Intimidation mitigates culpability. However, in truth, giving in to such monsters usually spares no one. Whenever possible, such abusers need to be exposed, treated and imprisoned. No one has a right to torture others. No young woman should ever have to face such a choice. Today, there are more receptive ears to the cries of help that come from such situations.
Jason, on June 23, 2014 at 12:58 pm said:

Hello Father,

I was wondering your option on something. I’m in the military and had to work both Saturday and Sunday this past weekend. Usually under these circumstances, I attend the Saturday evening Mass, but had to work over on Saturday and then could not leave Sunday morning to attend Mass.

When I was home that evening, I turned on EWTN (what I like to call the catholic network) and watched the Daily Mass they televise. I was curious to know if that constituted attending Mass. I will admit, I was not on bended knee when I should have been, but I did stand and say the Our father with my daughter, who was watching with me. I am awaiting the compltetion of my convalidation, so I cannot take communion anyway.

Thank you

FATHER JOE: Masses on radio, television and the internet can inform and edify but they do not fulfill our Sunday obligation. The classic Mass for Shut-Ins is essentially for the elderly and infirmed who cannot make it to Mass because of health reasons. They are exempt from the obligation and should be brought Holy Communion by the priest or extraordinary minister. People who are obliged to work like military, police, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, etc. are regularly excused. Today many others are forced to work on Sundays to keep their jobs and to support their families. God understands these things. If you miss Mass through no fault of your own, there is no sin. However, people are urged then to try and attend a weekday Mass, not to fulfill the precept, but to further their spiritual life.
Debbie, on June 23, 2014 at 3:40 am said:

Dear Father, I was raised Catholic. My husband was raised Lutheran. My husband had a former marriage (neither Catholic nor Lutheran). It is my understanding that I am not able to receive any sacraments, including Communion, until our marriage is blessed by a Priest. (We were married by a judge.) In order to do so, will his former marriage will need to be annulled? In the eyes of the Catholic Church, am I committing adultry? Are our children illegitimate? What if my husband does not agree to going through an annulment and blessing of our marriage? Thank you, in advance, for your response.

FATHER JOE: When you say “raised” Catholic and Lutheran I take it that you mean the both of you were baptized. This is part of the equation to be considered. Do you know the religion of your husband’s prior spouse? If she were Catholic and they were married out of the Church, then he would have to apply for a simple declaration of nullity because of lack of canonical form. If she were not Catholic then the prior bond is presumed valid and a formal annulment would be required before his bond with you could be convalidated (more than a blessing). It is often asked, “How does the Catholic Church see our marriage?” The real question which the Church and couples both struggle to answer is, “How does God see our marriage?” The Gospel of Matthew makes the prohibition against divorce fairly absolute. The annulment process seeks to respect Christ’s teaching while showing compassion for couples who are trying to rebuild their lives. Explain this to your husband. I would urge you both to talk to a local priest. (As for the legitimacy of children, today that is largely a civil reckoning. The state would recognize your marriage even if the Church would not.) Hope this helps, peace!
Piers, on June 22, 2014 at 7:53 pm said:

Dear Father, just a comment on the question of Judas being damned or not. Jesus said that it would have been better had he never been born, and many have interpreted that as meaning he is damned. However, as modern scholars have pointed out, it was a common saying in the ancient world that the best thing would be not to be born (i.e. not enter the material world), the next is to die as soon as possible, because of the suffering that is inevitable in this world. So this saying of Jesus may just mean that Judas will encounter suffering, as do all men. Best.

FATHER JOE: I am familiar with similar sentiments in Job and Ecclesiastes, although the latter is rather cynical. I was not aware that Jesus’ remark about Judas was a common saying. Do you know what ancient texts to which the modern exegetes point? Given the fact that Jesus is Lord, Savior and God, I would suspect most Church fathers and the tradition would view it as the ultimate malediction. It is true that the Church does not definitively teach on this point, but it does not bode well for the errant apostle. I am familiar with the perspective that it might be better never having been born so as not to encounter evil or suffering; however, it is hardly a Christian philosophy of life. The faith views suffering through the prism of Christ saving work. No loss or suffering or dying need be in vain. There is everything to gain. The gift of salvation makes existence worthwhile, even if we must endure hell on earth. Further, there is a redemptive quality to pain that is uniquely Christian. Had Judas repented, as Peter did, he might have become the greatest of the Christian saints. Unfortunately, he comes to an ignoble end and is remembered as the ultimate paradigm for traitors.
Paul, on June 22, 2014 at 1:36 am said:

Fr Joe. I am a convert who had a civil marriage convalidated in 2003. My wife subsequently left me, and I am seeking a Decree of Nullity based on my assertion that she doesn’t understand the Catholic concept of marriage. I have recently been taking care of a Polish lady friend who has been treated for endometrial cancer. She was divorced in Poland 30 years ago. I am 60, and no longer sexually active. I suffer from high blood pressure and cholesterol, and take medication. I am thinking of contracting a civil marriage with my friend for the purposes of harmonizing our health-care, tax and pensions issues. We live in the UK, and she hasn’t been here long enough to build up a proper pension credit.

We would be perfectly happy to give any required undertaking that we will live as brother and sister. Neither of us would find such an oath in any way burdensome, and I have the highest respect for couples who make such an undertaking while still in their sexually active years. However, we wish to care for each other into old age, and I don’t want to leave her in a situation where she would suffer financial difficulties in addition to trying to recover from serious illness. Would a civil union of this nature require us to abstain from receiving the sacraments? Or would a vow of chastity enable us to make use of the internal forum?

Regards
Paul

FATHER JOE:

You really need to discuss this with your parish priest who in turn can seek counsel from the bishop’s office. As for the decree of nullity, I would allow your advocate, the defender of the bond and the judges to make the ultimate determination where grounds might be found. When you had the convalidation, did your spouse understand that “this” was the true marriage? I am surprised that some speak of a convalidation as simply blessing the marriage or as a renewal of the vows. It is nothing of the kind. Such a mentality might invalidate the convalidation. The civil marriage is null and void. There is nothing to bless or renew, as far as the Church and God is concerned.

No priest is going to give a “public okay” to marriage before a civil magistrate outside the Church as a substitute for the sacrament. The Church would also frown upon a deceptive use of marriage, which frequently emerges because of immigration issues. But you bring up extenuating circumstances that might require a creative approach. Not knowing UK law and the permissiveness of Church authorities, you had best breech the matter there with them. An Internal forum solution might be possible but such is usually in reference to couples already civilly married for some time. A lot hinges on the question of scandal. It is presumptuous to believe it would be extended a couple recently married by the courts.

I recall an analogous situation here many years ago where a young couple ask if they could get married in the Church without a civil license. The issue was that the girl was under her father’s healthcare plan. She had a serious illness and needed the plan for her expensive medicines. Once she got married, the plan would drop her and she would have a hard or impossible time paying for the prescriptions. Cardinal Hickey said NO. That is still our policy. There can be no marriage in the Church that is not also recognized by the state. This decision respected the integrity of the priest as a witness for the state; however, it caused much hardship.
Ruth, on June 21, 2014 at 5:28 am said:

Gosh.. I’m amazed at some of the species of people in this world!!!

Anyways..father I have another doubt..what if a girl gets married to a guy she loves..and then realizes he is impotent?? he too was unaware of it..can the marriage still go on?

FATHER JOE: How can something go on that was not a marriage from the start? I suspect most if not all men would know if they are impotent prior to marriage. This would bring to the fore another issue, that of deception in answering the prenuptial investigation questions. The relationship and friendship might endure, but a primary purpose of marriage would be compromised. Both deceit and impotence are grounds for annulment. If the impotence is known before vows are exchanged then there can be no marriage in the Church. A virginal marriage usually implies a couple that could have sexual congress but mutually and voluntarily embraces celibacy as a discipline of the spiritual life to honor God.
Ruth, on June 19, 2014 at 10:04 pm said:

Why should we pray to saints? Also, who is the saint for finding my future soulmate? some say it is st. raphael while some say it is st. valentine

FATHER JOE: I always cringe about the secular correlation of the martyr St. Valentine to romantic love. I suppose you could pray for intercession from any saint about finding a “soul mate.” I have heard that people call upon St. Andrew, St. Joseph, St. Catherine, and St. Raphael. But really, you could also ask God directly for the gift of a loving spouse. You should also put yourself in settings where you are likely to meet nice men of faith with good character.
Piers, on June 19, 2014 at 9:50 pm said:

Dear Father, do you think there is anything less good about receiving communion in the hand, rather than on the tongue, and that it is an important issue?

FATHER JOE: I would prefer communion on the tongue, but I suspect that the apostles and early disciples in the Church used their hands. The essential point is reverence. If hands are used they should be clean and the proper manner of reception should be followed: making a throne for Christ the king with our left hand resting upon the right. The bishops have asked that we bow while the person receives in front of us. While we step aside for reception we should never take the host with our backs away from the minister of communion. It is also a good custom to make the Sign of the Cross.
Gina, on June 19, 2014 at 4:36 pm said:

Are we supposed to believe Judas was not forgiven for betraying Jesus? I disagree with such a teaching. What do you say Father? Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I am not sure if the Church has an official teaching about Judas. The possibility exists that there might have been a last minute contrition; but the tradition probably weighs against him. Remember, we are told that it would have been better had he never been born. That sounds rather hellish, don’t you think?
Jason, on June 19, 2014 at 3:07 pm said:

Hello Father,

I’m feeling down right now and hope you can provide advice. I’m trying to get my marriage to my baptist wife validated by the church. So far my wife has been pretty p[atient with it and has met with the priest to fill out paper work and such, even though she’s having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that the catholic church does not consider our marriage valid.

I talked to my priest today and he said we need to come in one more time and take a “compatability test”. My wife and I have been to gether for 11 years, 9 of those married and have 3 children together. She has been patient with me through this, but once I tell her about this she’s gonna freak out. And also, what if she does go and the “test” says we’re not compatable?

My wife started me on my path to Jesus many years ago and has been patient with me as I tried to find my way and is happy that I finally found what I was looking for, but feels kind of insulted by this marriage validation thing and thinks it kind of slaps her baptist beliefs in the face. Is there a way I can alliviate her miscomings? I really do not feel happy in another church, but I was not a practicing Catholic when we were first married and do not want to break any promises I made then. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for helping

FATHER JOE:

Certainly the two of you are civilly married. I would explain to her that this need for a convalidation reflects the Catholic view that marriage is a sacrament. We believe that Jesus established the Church and gave us the sacraments. The Church has a right to regulate her sacraments. The religious formation for marriage should have explained that marriage is a holy vocation and that the spouses are called to be helpmates for both this world and in preparation for the next. In other words, you assist each other with growing in holiness. God gives special graces to the sacrament to assist the couple. The marital act consummates the bond but also functions as a renewal of your covenant with each other and with Christ. Your wife is to see something of Christ and his sacrificial love in you. You are to view and care for your wife as our Lord did for the Church. Your fidelity to each other speaks to Christ’s faithfulness. Your openness to human life cooperates with God in the work of creation. It also resonates with the divine life offered believers. Marriage is viewed as an intensely religious institution. Your wife, by assisting with this convalidation, is rendering a great act of love for you and respect toward your beliefs. Just as you have supported your spouse in her Christian faith, this cooperation reflects a mutuality. The precepts of the Church are very specific. A Catholic must be married in the presence of a priest or deacon along with two witnesses.

The compatibility testing is only a guide to help couples discuss things in their lives. I would not make more of it than what it is. I do not know the diocese where you live or its regulations, but priests often make it optional for couples who have been together for a long time and married outside the Church. More problematical might be the dispensation application that must be sent to the chancery. So as to get permission to marry a non-Catholic, you must sign a dispensation that stipulates you will continue to live out your faith and that you will do all in your power to baptize and raise your children as Catholics.
Ruth, on June 19, 2014 at 1:48 pm said:

my boyfriend once told me that foreplay is absolutely ok when dating but not sexual intercourse..is this true?? what about the french kiss..coz he used to get annoyed if i didn’t give in to his constant pleading…

FATHER JOE: Your boyfriend is wrong. Foreplay is anticipatory to sexual congress. Let him get annoyed.
Cryssy, on June 17, 2014 at 3:07 pm said:

My (deceased) father was Catholic (hispanic from South America), but I never really learned much about it as we didn’t ever go to anything Catholic after he died when I was 3. When I was 16 I met a 15 year old Catholic boy (Italian-American) through my brother. He was very flirtatious and tried to touch and kiss me but I’d never kissed anyone before so I didn’t let him. I was very worried I would be thought badly of because I’d just met him that day (he later told me he considered all the girls he’d ever kissed to be whores). He left me alone for a while after that and we became friends. Then about half a year later he tried again to kiss me ( and stick his hands under my clothes) and I wanted to let him kiss me because I really liked him but I still felt like I should pull myself away from the situation. He barely touched my lips before I could pull myself away. As I said my father died, so he used to come over to my house and help my mom with yardwork. He started comming in to see me afterwards and if no one was around he would chase me and try to take my clothes off, but it seemed like he expected me to fight him off and stop him from doing it. From what I understand about Catholicism girls are expected to be chaste and be responsible to keep boys away but there doesn’t seem to be that expectation on boys. Is that true? Anyway, I’d try to fight him off. I really liked him and wanted to go out with him and maybe kiss him, but I was afraid because if I ever let my guard down he’d go too far and was always pushing me and if anything happened he’d get really mad at himself and I didn’t understand why he just didn’t do it. It seems like he wanted to but had something conflicting in his upbringing. I asked if he would stop or at least be my boyfriend and we could discuss boundries and he said he didn’t wantto be like that with me so I was very confused. So I thought we were friends but then he did it again and I said I thought he didn’t want to do that and he said yes he did, but then he didn’t try to date me either and I was very confused. He even asked me once to spend the night and he’d sneak me out in the morning because he hated it when I had to go, but he wanted to stay a virgin so he’d make sure things didn’t go too far and he could control himself, but he wouldn’t ask his dad because he wouldn’t approve and he’d rather just get yelled at if we got caught. I told him over the phone that I’d really wanted to kiss him and touch under his shirt and I think he was playing with himself because it sounded like he had an orgasm over the phone, then he was really mad and said, “see, that’s why we can’t be together, because we can’t control ourselves.” I didn’t understand because I didn’t lose control at all and it’d been over a year and I thought a kiss and touch above the waist were ok. He didn’t want me to come over anymore. He’d want me one second then push me away the next. I’m still confused. Are Catholics taught specific sexual boundries? What’s with the shame and self-hatred. The message I got from my friends and even my mother was that there was something weird about me for resisting him just for a kiss, but I felt like all the responsibility fell to me. Is that Catholic guilt that was making him act like this? Was this normal? Don’t you teach boys reasonable boundries and respect? I felt like I risked being raped if I let my guard down (which almost happened once, I tried to be consentual about him hitting on me and he started ripping my clothes off, but he stopped himself and said we were both sick and gave them back to me), but he put the blame on me if he ever did anything and got away with it. When I tried to stop fighting he told me I was easy even though I’d been fighting him off for months and hadn’t let him kiss me before. I assume it’s a Catholic thing because my mom said my father date raped her (she was very petite and there’s no way she could have fought him off) and then treated her poorly and called her a whore after they were married because she “wasn’t a virgin.” I know my grandfather is a womanizer and sleeps with hundreds of women, but my grandmother is a devout Catholic and after they separated never got a divorce and never had anything to do with another man and they have been apart for almost 50 years. Is it supposed to all be on the woman? That seems rediculous!

FATHER JOE: What you describe on the part of the men you know are cases of sexual immaturity and gross immorality. Catholic men are taught better but sometimes a corrupted society expects less. There should be no double-standard. A man should preserve both his own chastity and that of his beloved. Real love would never take advantage or victimize the other.
marie, on June 17, 2014 at 12:33 pm said:

MARIE: Okay, I’m confused.

FATHER JOE: If confusion fosters faith seeking understanding, then that is as it should be. If it leads to despair or parroting bigotry then one becomes lost in his or her ignorance. You may continue to disagree with Catholicism; however, do not buy an assessment or explanation of the faith from those who are not Catholic and hate the Church. Going to the source and asking a priest as to what Catholicism means and how things are understood is an appropriate way to explore such issues. We will not force people to conversion or malign critics who “honestly” disagree with us. We would expect the same consideration in return.

MARIE: The arrogance belongs to catholicism.

FATHER JOE: Alas, making charges is a hard way to begin this inquiry. Who is to say that the arrogance is not yours? The Church approaches her deposit of faith with a sense of certitude and authority. It is this that you label. There is no winning an argument of this sort. If the Church teaches with a sense of certitude then you would declaim her as arrogant. If the Church were to teach in a sheepish fashion, as if she herself were uncertain of our tenets, then you would condemn her as hypocritical and incompetent.

MARIE: The Bible is the authority not the catholic church. When my eyes were opened and the holy spirit lived in me I saw how anti biblical and spirit lacking the catholic chuch is and I left.

FATHER JOE: Do you read Aramaic, Hebrew and ancient Greek? Who translated your bible? Who selected the books? Who put it together? Who transmitted it throughout human history? No matter what you say, you still have to trust the testimony of men. Otherwise, you would have no bible and if you encountered scattered texts, would not be able to read them. The Catholic Church is the Mother of the Bible. Bishops of the Church established the biblical canon at the Councils of Hippo (393 AD) and Carthage (397/419 AD). There were no SDA believers or generic Christians to pass God’s Word down through history. The Catholic Church was preaching the Gospel and making converts for Christ before we had a New Testament. Any way you cut it, a private or individualized approach to faith does not pass the test of history. Christ established a Church and gave to her the charism of truth. It is within this People of God that we receive God’s inspired Holy Word, our sacred traditions and the sacraments. The Holy Spirit is alive in the Church like the soul in a body. But if you buy Nicholas’ cult, then you no longer believe in the soul. The Bible plays a significant role in the Church. The problem was not the Church but you. You sought answers outside the Christian faith from those who preach hatred more than love. If you were a Catholic, then the Holy Spirit was granted you in faith and baptism. A more full and adult share was given in confirmation. Were you confirmed? Did you ever really understand the Catholic faith? The Holy Spirit is given to us that we might more fully live out our discipleship. We were anointed as priest, prophet and king. We share in the sacrificial love of Jesus. We are commissioned to preach the Good News. We are made members of the royal household of God. This is the mystery from which you walked away. You made yourself an enemy of Christ’s Church.

MARIE: I see the people in my life who are born again as humble loving sinners. I see the spirit at work in their lives and a concrete knowledge of the Bible. The Catholics in my life my (all my siblings and some friends seem to have limited knowledge of the Bible and a judgmental arrogance while hiding their own sins. this is what I observe and hear frequently. you are a man ‘father’ and you need to pray for discernment because it is a gift given to those who know the father.

FATHER JOE: Catholics can also have moments of clarity where they sense the powerful presence of God’s Spirit. Maybe you hanged around with the wrong Catholics, or those who pretended to be believers? I regularly see the miracle of faith in the people I serve. You would castigate them and the Church. You would negate their experience of God’s powerful love. God’s grace operates where he wills, even outside the visible margins of the Catholic Church. It may be that posting a comment here is part of that mysterious operation of the divine. I would not want to invalidate either your experience or that of others. However, if genuine, God’s loving presence would not have you deride the Christian faith of others. It may be that you could not find a home for yourself in Catholicism; however, many Christians (including certain Evangelical ministers) have done so. I believe that the Catholic Church is the house built by Jesus. I believe she is the community of salvation. I encounter Christ in his Church. We ask that God might shine the light of his truth and charity upon all who seek him with open minds and sincere hearts.

Here are some useful links:

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/what-catholic-means

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/proving-inspiration

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/scripture-and-tradition
RbM, on June 17, 2014 at 5:35 am said:

Why would a priest say it is a sin to go the SSPX Chapel ???

FATHER JOE: It is because the SSPX are not in juridical union with the Holy See and lack proper faculties. Recent initiatives toward reunion have failed and the effort now seems in vain. They arguably also breed a certain arrogance against just authority and the teachings of the living Church. They have become an independent parallel church, a prospect that caused Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI great sadness and frustration. Despite heroic efforts, tensions could not be resolved. The demarcation has grown of late. The situation wounds many of us.