Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Piers, on June 14, 2014 at 7:37 pm said:

Dear Father, what does the church think about people wearing skulls and crossbones on their shirts or hats, or wherever. Is this anti-Catholic, or can it be a healthy expression of the realization that death is a reality? Or both! Thank you for your answer.

FATHER JOE: The skull and crossbones is a visible symbol of the Knights of Columbus. It also expresses mortality and is depicted at the base of certain stylized crucifixes. It is also used by PIRATES!
Julia, on June 13, 2014 at 12:45 am said:

Hello, what if I wanted to have an unformal church wedding, very small just bride groom two witnesses and parents then at a different date have a big ceremony outside? Is this possible to do as a Catholic? Would it be valid?

FATHER JOE: The small church wedding would suffice as a sacrament of the Church. You would be married. Once truly married, you cannot be married again. However, you could do a renewal of vows that would be similar in some respects to a wedding. And yes, you could do that outside.
Father Joe, on June 12, 2014 at 7:30 pm said:

Dear Julia,

I cannot speak for elsewhere; however, in the Archdiocese of Washington, outdoor weddings are forbidden. I suspect this is the case in most places. Even if it were allowed, the priest would have to get delegation from the local pastor and records would have to be maintained at his church.

What you suggest is somewhat backwards. Remember that marriage is a holy sacrament of the Church, just like Baptism, Confession, Confirmation and first Holy Communion. Marriage before a Protestant minister or civil magistrate would violate the precepts of the Church. It would not be recognized by the Catholic Church as either licit or valid. You cannot “renew” a bond that the Church does not acknowledge. If you later decided to get married in the Church, then you would request a convalidation.

The convalidation would be your marriage. Since the couple is the minister of the sacrament, you would have to understand this fact. Two witnesses must also be supplied. The pastoral preparation would be the same as any other couple: six month waiting period, prenuptial investigation, collection of baptismal certificates, civil license, Pre-Cana classes, etc. Catholics must also get a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic. The Catholic party must promise to do all on his or her part to live the faith and to raise the children as Catholics. The non-Catholic must be aware of the promise with a certain degree of acceptance.

I would urge an emphasis upon the reality of the sacrament over any pomp or show. Remember, as a sacrament, the Church has a right to regulate it for the good of souls.

Many blessings!

Father Joe
Julia, on June 12, 2014 at 3:56 pm said:

Hello, I am catholic my fiancé is episcopalian. He wants an outdoor wedding and I want a catholic wedding in my church. Is there any way for us to have a catholic wedding outside? What if we got our vows renewed after in a Catholic Church? Would it be considered a valid catholic wedding if we renewed after?
Thank you
JJ W, on June 11, 2014 at 8:41 pm said:

I have a question:
I do not drink the wine at mass as I do not feel the sanitary conditions of the drinking cup are safe. Having dozens of people drink from the same cup and only wiping it off with a standard cloth doesn’t remove any germs or sicknesses people may be carrying. I would like to partake in the ritual but do not wish to drink from the same cup as dozens and dozens of people. Any guidance with this?

FATHER JOE: The normative way to receive the precious blood (not wine) is through intinction. But even if you only receive the host, you have still received the risen Christ, whole and complete.
Kim, on June 11, 2014 at 6:53 am said:

Thank you Father. I absolutely do want forgiveness – and I hope to receive it. I am truly sorry for my sin.

Thank you for your assistance. God bless
Jason, on June 11, 2014 at 1:56 am said:

Hello Father,

I am in need of some guidance and I don’t really know where to begin. I have known for a while now that I want a little more out of my life then to be a simple good Catholic who attends Mass every Sunday. I also feel I want more than simply volunteering to help with the poor, help with RCIA, etc and honestly feel like a life of a religious brother would suit me.

I am, however, married. Do not get me wrong, I love my wife very much and enjoy being a good husband and father to my children. I just feel that there is more God wants me to do. I also feel hampered by my job (I’m in the military) so I’m not always in the same place for very long.

Is there anywhere I can turn for help? Thank you and God Bless!!

FATHER JOE: Just like a religious brother or priest might be troubled or tempted with the lives of married men and their families; similarly, pious married men might find an attraction to religious life. More so than not, I would suggest that such yearnings do not really come from God. Just as I have made my commitment as a priest; you are a husband and father. Your relationships may be strained or challenged by military service, but your vocation is to your spouse and children. That is primary and without question. You will find your salvation within your chosen vocation. Now, there are callings within callings. Several dioceses have programs for the permanent diaconate. Deacons are members of Holy Orders. This might be a path open to you. There are very few religious communities for celibates and married couples but the decision to enter must be mutual. John Michael Talbot’s Brothers and Sisters of Charity is one of these. There are also Third Orders that allow the laity to be associated with a religious community although it is a spiritual link only (i.e. Carmelites, Franciscans, etc.)
marie, on June 10, 2014 at 11:12 pm said:

Hello again
well I know your opinion on the link but biblically it is true and I can’t get past that. My issues are firstly I don’t believe Mary was immaculately concieved I believe she was not sinless only Jesus was thats what the Bible says. I also believe all spirits are 1) Divine- God is spirit, Jesus.and the Holy spirit in one as are angels 2) demonic- all fallen angels with satan as their leader. The Bible says the dead are dead and will rise from their graves for this reason I dont believe Mary is already in heaven. Her assumption is not impossible (elijah was taken into heaven) but unbiblical and only added to catholic doctrine in 1950. John wrote revelation when he was old, he looked after Mary after Jesus died he would have recorded it. Its important because if this is all incorrect which I believe it to be then all Mary apparitions may be demonic hence making their words and instructions demonic and if you study what they say and ‘test the spirits’ as the Bible says you will see them to be dangerous and anti biblical. The rosary came from one such visitation and is very similar to muslim prayer beads. Islam as a doctrine being most entirely demonically inspired. Father I love Mary but I think of her but don’t pray through her. I don’t believe she can see us hear us or help us.

kind regards
marie

FATHER JOE:

What is biblically true? There is very little truth on Nicholas’ site. This includes his gross caricatures of Catholics and others. Sites like his rot the soul with bigotry and hatred. I would urge you to look elsewhere for your answers. Disagreement is one thing. But Christians can discuss the faith in a civil fashion. Instead, Nicholas damns everyone who does not think the way he does. His mind is closed to even factual truth. He creates a straw man Catholicism, just so he can tear it down.

Now let us look at your proposed objections:

1. Immaculate Conception – The teaching asserts that Mary was preserved free from sin from the very first moment of her existence in the womb of St. Ann. Mary like all creatures could not save herself. This prevenient grace is made possible by the salutary effects of Christ’s Cross reaching backwards into history and touching Mary just as his grace reaches forward and embraces us in faith and baptism. Mary is acknowledged as most favored daughter or “full of grace” by the angel at the Annunciation. Mary also testifies to her sinless state in her Magnificat, “And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior” (Luke 1:47). Notice that she does not say that Jesus or God “will be” her Savior. Original sin was passed on by sexual generation. Jesus, the sinless one, had to pass into this world through a sinless vessel. He is untouched by sin in the womb. This honor given Mary really finds its meaning in the identity of Jesus Christ as God come down from heaven.

2. Trinity – The Church teaches that the Trinity is three divine Persons in one divine Nature (one God). God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit reflects the relations or eternal generations in God. God as God is a perfect Spirit. The second Person of the Trinity is also known as the Logos or Word. The Word becomes flesh (as testified in the Gospel of John). God becomes a man in Jesus Christ. Nicholas rejects the Trinity as classically understood. This makes his religion a “cult” and neither a “church” or “ecclesial community” in the true sense.

3. Angels and Demons – God creates both a spiritual and material world. Angels are pure spirits. Men have both bodies and immortal souls. Nicholas rejects soul. He confuses the angelic with a manifestation of the divine. He says that St. Michael the Archangel is the pre-incarnate Christ. This is false. Christians and Jews view him as a good angel, a chief among them. The devil, also known as Satan or Lucifer, led a rebellion among the angels. These fallen angels became demons. They were cast into hell. Nicholas also rejects the concept of hell.

4. Existence of the Soul – Nicholas and the site you proposed embraces a Seventh Day Adventist view of certain doctrines. Soul Sleep is essentially a denial of the soul’s existence. You seem to subscribe to this notion as well. It flies in the face against much of Scripture in regard to the status of the dead and the reality of hell. He believes that the dead never awaken. The just, he argues, will rise to a new life. This view that God would annihilate what he has created is contrary to the divine economy. It is a philosophical absurdity that would undermine his providence and sovereignty. Our Lord appears alongside Moses and Elijah in the Transfiguration. They were not false phantoms or a deception. He tells a parable about the beggar Lazarus rewarded and the callous rich man in flames. He uses Gehenna as a metaphor for hell (Luke 12:5). See also Mark 12:26-27: “As for the dead being raised, have you not read in the Book of Moses, in the passage about the bush, how God told him, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead but of the living. You are greatly misled.” While Catholics will speak about sleeping in Christ or our eternal rest, it has to do with being at peace with God. There is no evidence that the dead are unconscious or cease to exist. Mary and the saints share in the resurrected life of heaven. They are alive. The soul is immortal and we are promised full restoration, body and soul. The saints continue to love and pray for those they knew in the world.

5. Assumption – Elijah is a precedent for one assumed into heaven, but of course, he was only taken up into the limbo of the fathers or the abode of the righteous dead. No one could enter true heaven until Christ had performed his redemptive act. However, your admission in the prophet’s regard already contradicts the SDA position. The Gospels primarily give us the life of Jesus. It is for that reason Mary’s assumption belongs to Christian tradition. It falls outside the scope and time-scale of the New Testament Scriptures. Catholicism has two fonts of revelation: Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. While the Bible gives us what is necessary for salvation; it does not include all of Sacred Tradition or the subsequent history of Christ’s Catholic Church. The story of salvation did not end with the last book of the Bible. The tradition about the Assumption is ancient and mysterious. It was defined in the last century, but only because some critics began to challenge it. Both the Western and Eastern churches believe it, with some variation. We teach that at the end of her life, Mary was assumed body and soul into heaven. There are no relics of Mary. The Assumption is often imaged with Mary being lifted up by cherub angels. They symbolize Christ’s power. Jesus ascended into heaven by his own power. Mary is a creature and as such she is assumed into heaven by the power of her Son. Some of the fathers questioned if she even died. The East refers to this as Mary’s “falling asleep” or dormition. Cardinal Newman and Saint John Paul believed she died but remained incorruptible prior to her assumption. One version of the tradition is that she was placed into a tomb and when believers came to treat the body it was missing and the cave was filled with flowers blooming out of season. Either way, she is a model of what we shall become. We will be restored body and soul. The resurrection of Jesus was not a one-time event. She is among the first-fruits of his work. You question the silence of John and yet it always intrigued me that he intimated the Assumption in Revelation 12 where he details this woman in the sky who gives birth to a son “caught up to God and his throne.” Mary’s significance is always in light of her Son, not apart from him.

6. Marian Apparitions – You mimic Nicholas in suggesting that these apparitions are demonic. While they are only private revelation, and not absolutely necessary for salvation, note the messages given. The Marian figures urge repentance and renewed faith in Christ. The devil would not be telling people to follow Jesus. Just as the angel Gabriel came to Mary with the great news of the incarnation; now Mary brings messages of peace, warning, prayer and fidelity to Christ. It seems to me that you are the one who needs to practice better discernment. If these visitations and messages are from heaven, then critics might be committing blasphemy against the Lord.

7. Rosary – The Rosary is a structured prayer, not the mindless prattle condemned by Scripture. Pious tradition suggests that it began in 1214 when St. Dominic had a vision of the Blessed Mother. The rosary was granted as a means to convert sinners. Of course, the roots of the prayer are much older. It began with the carrying of rocks or pebbles. They were dropped as prayers were said so that the believer could keep count. Some used knotted string. Moslems, Hindus, Jews and others have used counting devices analogous to the Rosary. The beads are a means of keeping count. The crucifix or cross brings to mind the price paid by Christ for our redemption. It assists with meditation. It is sad and spiritually sick that people attack the Rosary. They inadvertently attack the mysteries of the Rosary upon which we meditate: Joyful Mysteries (Annunciation, Visitation, Nativity, Presentation and Finding Jesus in the Temple); Sorrowful Mysteries (Agony in the Garden, Scourging, Crowning with Thorns, Carrying the Cross and Crucifixion); Glorious Mysteries (Resurrection, Ascension, Pentecost, Assumption and Crowning of Mary); Luminous Mysteries (Baptism in the Jordan, Wedding at Cana, Proclamation of the Kingdom, Transfiguration and Institution of the Eucharist). Condemning the Rosary comes dangerously close to condemning the mysteries of Christ that are recalled in prayer.

I believe that Mary is with her Son and that she is conscious and alive. When we were made adopted sons and daughters of the Father in faith and baptism— Jesus was made our elder brother in faith and Mary was truly made our Mother. In any case, the charge goes back to the Cross. Jesus gives his Mother to us through our emissary John. The Mother of the Redeemer became the Mother of All the Redeemed. Like any good mother, Mary prays for her children. We remember her interaction with Jesus at the Wedding Feast of Cana. Why would we think this influence has ceased now that Jesus is engaged with the Nuptial Banquet of heaven?
Manny Stevens, on June 10, 2014 at 3:47 pm said:

If lust is such a big sin then why do we have these urges at such a young age?

FATHER JOE: Concupiscence is a consequence of original sin.
Katie, on June 10, 2014 at 6:51 am said:

Dear Father or anyone else, I recently made a horrible mistake about which I’m not proud. I think about it constantly and I feel like I’ve lost God’s graces and love. I made the mistake to send nude pictures to a boy that I didn’t know. I’m horribly ashamed and I’m looking desperately for answers. Does God still love me? Did I have “sex” before marriage because of the term “sexting”? Can I get back into God’s good graces and will I ever forgive myself? I’ve decided to go to confession but it isn’t until Saturday. Currently I’m a mess and feel broken away from God and my family. I need someone to tell me what to do and with whom to talk. I feel dirty and awful. All of these questions keep swirling through my head and I’m terrified that I’ve lost my relationship with God and can’t get it back. I’m scared that I’ve damned my soul to hell for what I’ve done. I wish for the world that I could take it back, but I can’t. Somebody please help. I’m desperate.

FATHER JOE: God is always merciful and you have to allow God to forgive you. Of course, there are repercussions that may further wound you… the scandal of possible exposure and what the young man intends to do with the provocative photos. Urge him to destroy and not to save them. This is for your good and his soul, too. You were foolish, but life is not over. You compromised your chastity but such voyeurism and exhibitionism is not identical to having sexual congress. Go to confession and change your life. I will keep you in prayer.
Kim, on June 10, 2014 at 6:49 am said:

Thank you Father. Please could you explain restitution in the Catholic sense of the word. Does this mean that I should put the money back slowly as I can afford it, or donate it to a charity?

I’m not quite sure what I should do.

How can I make up for this sin. And why do I feel as though I cannot be forgiven?

FATHER JOE: If possible, the money should be returned to the harmed party, the source from which it was taken. When this is absolutely impossible, it might include something like a charity. You have to really want forgiveness to receive it. That means a change of life.
David Vela, on June 10, 2014 at 3:59 am said:

Hello Father Joe,

I hope you are having a great evening! Excuse me for writing such a lengthy problem but over been thinking for a long time and thought that there was no better way to get an answer from an actual priest.

Well first off my name is David. I’m fourteen and live in south Florida. My mother is extremely Catholic and I have no problem with it. But recently I’ve been having trouble regarding video games and music with her. I, by nature do not like or play any of the violent video games out there that most of my friends play. I mainly just play a video game for soccer on my Xbox and that’s it. My mother began by saying I was addicted to this one game. So I tried to buy new games such as Terraria, a 2-dimesional free roaming adventure game with pixelated characters and enemies and she wouldn’t let me. No blood, no gore, just these simple characters with no detail. Here’s a pic (http://wp6109-flywheel.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/terraria.png). In another picture, which showed an enemy in the shape of a skull, she began telling me that this game was not a good influence. I feel like the whole point of the game is more important than a skull. Of course I will have to eventually fight a skull but that is to create a beautiful kingdom along with my friends. The game is rated E 10 and up I believe.

About a day ago on a similar game called Minecraft, my sister began laughing after watching a youtuber that played Minecraft. This particular youtuber had a special problem in which his digital dogs would keep falling down holes or die at random. He called his digital world on Minecraft a grave yard because so many had died. My sister began giggling and so my mother asked what had happened. My sis tells her the story and my mom says that it is not funny. My mom then asks me if I thought it was funny, so I said yes, that it’s just a game. She says, “That’s what society wants you to think,” like as if this is some sort of conspiracy.

Finally, I am scared out of my mind when I listen to music with headphones, for fear that she might overhear me. Once again I do not like rap or any song that is negative or that curses. My favorite song would probably be Counting Stars by One Republic to give you a feel for my kind of music. In the car she listens to the same 10 songs over and over and over again every day, all of them coming from her last retreat. Every time I put on the radio she immediately shoots it down. Even if the song has positive lyrics, and a friendly tune. If I like a song, she somehow finds a negative meaning to it, once again like as if a conspiracy. Then the occasional day she puts on her favorite songs from the 80s or 90s which have some obvious bad intentions and negativity. I feel like this is somewhat hypocritical. I go to a Catholic school as well so I especially felt frustrated at this next story. I was being picked up from practice and in the loudspeaker they were playing the typical pop song that everyone likes. My mom hears the song and asks me why they were playing such a song. I responded, “Because it’s popular.”

Other than my soccer coach, my mom is the last person I would ever talk back to because I’m so scared of her. Same thing with movies, I’m allowed to see Lord of the Rings, but when it comes to playing Plants vs Zombies on my IPad it’s a bad influence. I flinch at the thought of having my friends over, if my mom hears them saying “hell” or “you suck” she will have a fit. I don’t know if her limits are fair or if I’m the one with the point. Thanks for reading such a long problem.

Thank you for your time,

David

FATHER JOE: Dear David, it would not be my place to get between a mother and her son. I know little to nothing about modern video games and my taste in music is ancient. It may be that your mother is desperate that you grow up right. Sometimes parents can try too hard to protect their children or they have an overly negative verdict against modernity. You are getting older and soon you will be on your own in the choices you make. Can you discuss these matters with her?
marie, on June 9, 2014 at 10:57 pm said:

[link deleted]

Hello

I was raised catholic. My mum is an intelligent catholic with a masters in theology. My dad left the church when I was young and is now a member of a calvary chapel.

The thing is that as I’ve studied the Bible I see many inconsistincies with the catholic faith. This troubled me a lot but it made me realise why my dad was searching and we are closer. My mum and dad argued for years but now are very happy (I am the oldest of 7) so it hasnt affected their marriage and all my brothers and sisters are very catholic.

Here is a page with examples of some of these biblical heresies I want to show my mum but don’t know what to do. The Bible does teach to share knowledge. Please help me understand my mum and siblings I know my mum has the holy spirit and she is an amazing person. you are a priest so you know why you believe what catholics believe so please explain.

Thanks

Your sister in Christ

FATHER JOE: The hate-site JESUS IS SAVIOR used to be called JESUS PRESENTS. Nicholas who operates it is not to be trusted. While he has SDA sympathies, his is actually his own cult religion. He attacks Catholics and Protestants. Do not be fooled by his distortions and bigotry. If you have particular concerns, share them briefly one by one, and I will try to explain what Catholics really believe. Of course, your mom (given that she is a learned Catholic) could also set you right.

Peace!
Tammy, on June 9, 2014 at 4:57 pm said:

Thanks a lot, Father. God bless!
Kim, on June 9, 2014 at 1:43 pm said:

Father Joe,

I am in an intense state of nervousness. I have been taking money from work to assist my mother and young brother, and I am not in a financial position to pay it back.

My mother is unemployed, and I support both her and my younger brother who is eleven.

For the past two months, my husband and I have been struggling to make ends meet, and without my support, my mother and brother would literally starve. And so I have been taking small amounts of money to give to my mother to buy food. I have confessed this sin on three occasions. However, the need has again arised and I am without funds. Once again I have had to take money.

Father I feel absolutely horrific. As I type this, I am feeling ill with the weight of this sin. Father I really do not want to sin against God, but I feel as though I have no other choice. My mother’s family want nothing to do with us because she is unemployed and they do not want the burden of having to look after her. The Church does assist us with a monthly food parcel, but it barely covers a weeks worth of food.

She has been blessed with a part time job, starting tomorrow, of which I am eternally grateful.

I just feel that I have committed this sin over and over again, and so therefore my confession is void. I understand that it is a mortal sin, because I am doing it with full understanding of the sin that I am committing, and it hurts me so much to do it.

Father will I be forgiven?

FATHER JOE: God can forgive everything… but there will be a matter of restitution. You are also playing with the possibility of prison and forfeiting your own job. This is not the answer. See if the Church and Catholic Charities can lend more assistance. Check out the county Social Services, too. God bless!
Tammy, on June 8, 2014 at 7:47 pm said:

Father, I am a Greek Orthodox Christian, and I’m a bit confused about our mourning rituals, and was hoping you could clarify if I’m doing something wrong or not?

My grandfather passed away approximately three weeks ago, and apparently there’s this thing called the forty days of mourning. I’m eighteen years old, and I don’t want to sound selfish, but I still want to go out with my friends. I’m avoiding parties and any sort of celebration, but my mother is upset when I even ask her to go out for dinner with my colleagues, and I want to know if it’s wrong to do so…

Thank you, Father:)

FATHER JOE: Tammy, I am a Catholic priest and our customs differ from country to country. I really know very little about such things. Certain Italian widows would wear black and mourn for a year. The 40 Days of Mourning is a Greek Orthodox custom and I have read that there is growing concern that it is being lost by the younger generations. I could not say how required it might be by the authorities in the Greek community or by the churches. What I know of it is this: the immediate family wears black and avoids social interaction for 40 days. This time is spent with acts of remembrance and prayers. It sounds to me like a wonderful tradition to honor family and the dead. It would probably be better to ask an Orthodox priest if this period of mourning can be truncated or dismissed. God bless!
Ronzie, on June 8, 2014 at 6:23 am said:

thanks a tonne father!! oh..how jealous i feel when I see my friends getting married happily..and here I don’t even have the right person 😦 😥

FATHER JOE: Only you can know this. Many prayers!
Ana, on June 8, 2014 at 12:22 am said:

Father,

It may not be my place to say, but Mike might be simply trying to pick a fight or cause a stir, at least at this point. Maybe it would be a good idea to no longer post or answer his comments? This is your blog as you’ve stated, and you answer questions here. He isn’t asking questions, and seems to be only wasting your and his time.

Just my two cents,
-Ana
Ronzie, on June 7, 2014 at 5:39 am said:

Father thanks a million for the replies to my earlier questions.

Please tell me what should be my duties as a good wife? How should I behave towards my husband? How do I keep him happy in our married life?

I really want to be a good wife but I know we all do make numerous mistakes after marriage.

FATHER JOE: My favorite Scripture about a good wife is Proverbs 31:10-31. What are my thoughts about it? A Christian wife is the heart of her home. She is a helpmate to her husband, in the matters of life and in the growth of holiness. She is always willing to listen and console. She is her husband’s best friend. She is open to human life and counts each child as a precious jewel, more important than material things. She is a real partner with her husband and they have each other’s back. She never uses her sexuality in a manipulative way but is generous and loves to be with him. Her speech invites kindness and gentleness, never gossiping or back-stabbing. She is faithful to her husband, never flirting with others, but true to her husband with eyes only for him. She would sacrifice her life for her family. Of course, the husband and father must similarly be committed. His wife is his is home, she is the embodiment of all his hopes and dreams. He lives to make her happy. Anything short of this brings heartache and pain.
Kate, on June 7, 2014 at 12:28 am said:

Sorry for the long question, but it’s complicated.

I am an escort. I am in college and trying to get my degree so I can get out of this “profession,” but that will take at least another year or more. My husband is the one who suggested it at first, then threatened to throw me out if I didn’t do it and get money quickly, so I would have nowhere else to go. At this point, he also has enough leverage to take our children from me if I do stop or try to leave.

That said it is a big secret that nobody in my family, circle of friends, or church knows. Since I have started doing this, I have been skipping Mass. I know that it is in itself a sin, but I am afraid of what people will think and if they will judge me and make guesses as to why I am not receiving the Eucharist. I really miss that and still go to adoration. I pray when I am able (a lot of times I just don’t even feel able or worthy to pray because of what I’ve done with my life), but I feel this huge hole in my life.

My question is regarding confession. I know that I have committed many sins and that valid absolution is require before I can receive, but my understanding is that it would not be valid since I am planning to continue these sins at least until graduation. Is that true, and does it mean that I cannot confess anything else during that time because of the sins I am still holding on to?

Also, does my plan to return to the church once I am out of this life, equal presumption? If so, what could I do differently? It seems like at this point it is either plan to stay away forever or stay at this point where I’m stuck, knowing I’m going to continue sinning and feeling like I can’t confess because of that.

I am repentant, in some ways. I know what I am doing is wrong and hurts God, but I guess that’s not reaching me enough for me to put my foot down and stop and risk losing everything else. I am also very afraid of hell. This isn’t the safest thing to be doing, and one of the things that scares me, is that I will end up killed by a client before I am able to get out. I am afraid to have all this on my soul and go to hell, and that I am contributing to the sins of my clients as well.

I just feel stuck and don’t know what to do. What if any means of grace are available to me now, or anything? I wonder if God even hears my prayers anymore because it feels like I have done so much to separate myself from Him.

FATHER JOE:

Maybe I am naïve, but what do you do as an escort that is sinful?

Simply accompanying a person (social partner) might be insignificant. I know people who function as hosts, assisting people who are unaccustomed to certain social settings.

Do you mean “escort” in the euphemistic sense, as a clandestine paid prostitute? If this is a profession where sexual favors and flirtation is part of the package, then you should quit. This would make your husband into a kind of pimp. How could you have respect for such a man who would sell his wife’s virtue? As long as you have the breath of life, you can repent. But it would be best to stop now, no matter how much money you are making. You should still go to Mass, even if you have to attend an unfamiliar Catholic church. If you are committing adultery, then yes, you should not receive Holy Communion. Confession requires sorrow for sin and firm purpose of amendment. Nothing I say can make the situation easier for you if you continue in this lifestyle. And you are right, the next client might want more than company and sex. When people are treated as commodities, then they become disposable. If your husband fails to see the danger for you, physically and spiritually, then marrying him was your initial mistake.
Tony, on June 6, 2014 at 3:22 pm said:

Dear Father, Have you heard about the Fifteen ‘Our Father and Hail Mary prayers’ of saint Bridget of Sweden. Do you believe in the graces it gave you if you say them a hole year. They promise, among other things, the release from Purgatory of fifteen of the devotee’s family members, and that they would keep fifteen living family members in a state of grace. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I am well aware of the revelations and novena prayers of St. Bridget. As a young seminarian, I would spend about thirty minutes every night reading the prayers and reflecting upon our Lord’s passion. The promises are entirely secondary and were not as important to me as the devotion itself. Promises are simply affirmations that God hears and answers prayers. It is not magic or bargaining with God. The recipients of graces merited through prayer must still be disposed to them and the gift of eternal life. I would not worry about a number count. Just say your prayers, for the living and the dead (poor souls in purgatory). Trust that God saves those whom he wills to save.
Ronzie, on June 6, 2014 at 3:14 pm said:

What is your say on possessiveness? If I meet my friends and my guy gets annoyed even though I make lots of time for him, what does it mean? He tries to cut me off from my friends. Is it because he loves me a lot and wants to see more of me?

FATHER JOE:

If possessiveness reflects distrust, jealousy or control issues then you would indeed have a problem.

However, if you are dating and in a committed relationship, then it would be expected that you would not date others or pursue other exclusive relationships which could cross the romantic line. If your friends are girlfriends then there should be less an issue. However, as people move toward marriage, your beloved should be YOUR BEST FRIEND. If he is not, then again I see a problem.
Ronzie, on June 6, 2014 at 5:15 am said:

Well father..we are of the same age, 25, he is half a year younger than I am. What is your say on that??
Also, is it OK if my man is so possessive about me that he gets annoyed when I meet my friends and don’t pick his calls? Recently he even told me that since I would be living with his mother after marriage I would have to adjust to each and everything she says since he is her only son and he loves her a lot!! now this makes me feel kinda insecure! I am so confused!! Please help!

FATHER JOE: A half-a-year is insignificant. It may be best that you not live as a married couple with his mother. You will be his home, not his mother. A wife necessarily takes precedence over a mother.
raven jones, on June 5, 2014 at 5:49 pm said:

Hi father Joe , I was just curious to know if you’ve had a chance to look at the picture of the image i sent to your email of what i belived was the Virgin Mary in my photo ?

FATHER JOE: Yes, I saw the photo. I really don’t see what you see. I think the haphazard image is a trick of the light and the camera. It is nothing supernatural. Peace!
Ruth, on June 5, 2014 at 3:33 pm said:

Father are u active on your old blog?

FATHER JOE: Mostly here.