Ask a Priest

5,417 Responses

João V., on October 3, 2025 at 1:33 pm said:

1-father, if I made a confusing Vow about do not search something, to God, is valid?

How can I knew that I make this Vow?
I mean, for example: “I never will do […] again!” It’s a Vow?

And promise to Lord something, but that something is made because a voice sayed to the person in they mind, and after that, the vow it’s confusing, that’s a valid vow?

FATHER JOE: Capricious vows are forbidden. An uncertain or tenuous promise has no weight. If you hear voices in your head, then you may not be competent to make any such pledges.
Anonymous, on September 30, 2025 at 12:02 pm said:

Father Joe, Hi
Is fear of unsuccessful and unhappy marriage enough to consider religious life or single life? I know there are multiple rules and instructions for the marriage life and upbringing of children but it doesn’t mean anything if the other person doesn’t take them as seriously as you do. I have heard people who show their true nature after 10yrs and 6 kids. I can only know myself and my faults and where I need to improve but I find it difficult to even comprehend becoming one with someone I know only about their outward appearance and actions that is almost always a pretense

FATHER JOE: One’s true nature would emerge long before ten years of marriage. What happens is that some decide to make the most of bad or difficult unions. Proper dialogue and prayer can lead to genuine spiritual discernment between two called into spousal intimacy. One should not rush into marriage, but the Church would not encourage long delays either. There are no perfect individuals or pairings. Couples work together as helpmates to grow in holiness and to fulfill obligations to each other, children and the community. One would not embrace a religious vocation because of fear about marriage. Religious vocations can also be difficult. Just as spouses must cooperate with each other, those in religious life must struggle with obedience and humility. You will be told what to do and where to go. Any vocation requires trust and commitment.
Anonymous, on September 21, 2025 at 6:13 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe

Let’s imagine a situation: a person gets a job through sin (for example, the boss said that I needed to rob someone to get a job.) The man agreed to this and got the job. After some time, the man repented and returned stolen. Should he quit his job in order for the sin to be forgiven? It’s just that in some situations, canceling the results of sin is not very logical, as for example in a situation when a person lied about a shameful act and when he repented it would be illogical to tell without reason about this fact he hid if he did not harm anyone. What are considered ill gotten gains in Christianity and how to deal with them?

FATHER JOE: Reparation would include exposing the criminal intent and actions of the boss. It is likely the business would fold or they would both face jail time. That makes the matter of continued employment rather mute.
Anonymous, on September 17, 2025 at 8:16 am said:

Hello, Father Joe

I have a question about two situations. For example, a person watches a video on YouTube (or somewhere else) that is not a sin for him, but can lead others to sin. Theoretically, watching promotes the video and this is already a sin. The second case is when you download a game that does not lead you into sin but can lead others into sin. Theoretically, this also promotes sin because downloading and watching makes the game/video more popular. It is clear that this should be avoided, but many modern films contain magic, murder and other sins, and the demonstration of sin is a near occasion of sin (if I am not mistaken). Where is the line on what is considered spreading sin? Is it acceptable to just watch such videos or download such games without funding or likes? Or does watching and download also spread sin?

FATHER JOE: I suspect that if the entertainment is sinful for one then it is still sinful for the other. Situations of mystery and mayhem are not immediately immoral in games, literature or film. The same is true about mythical elements like magic. If such were the case then most of Tolkien and all fairy stories and folklore would be condemned. And yet, such are instruments of culture that help transmit our values.
forsamuraimarket, on September 17, 2025 at 6:20 am said:

Dear Father,

This TV show was allegedly banned in the Philippines –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WY-VYlCac0

Story: A Catholic priest was assigned in a remote island where people were aswang (like zombies in Hollywood movies).

He got infected and became an aswang – he wanted to eat human blood but instead ate live chickens. He fought his desire for human flesh and blood.

Question: Why would the Catholic Church in the PH ban this show?

My assumptions:
1. Because it’s impossible. A Catholic priest can’t become an aswang/zombie. He could simply call an exorcist and problem solved.
2. Because the evil won in this show and Filipino priests don’t tolerate that kind of story. Good should always win.
3. The story itself is blasphemous. In the story, the Catholic priest became an aswang/zombie and he’s still celebrating mass.
This story was based on true events around 1950s during Vatican 1 era. I suspect that the priest didn’t become an aswang/zombie. He probably had schizophrenia, but this story was narrated by his close relatives who had no idea about mental conditions. I’m just curious why it’s “allegedly” banned on PH TV. Thank you, father!

FATHER JOE: I do not know enough about the program to have a certain opinion. It is likely that the dioceses involved judged the material to be blasphemous.
Anonymous, on September 13, 2025 at 4:45 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe

Is it a sin to watch a video that contains songs with swear words in full version of the song but the swear words themselves are cut out of the video? There is no swearing in the video, only the song, which in the full version contains swearing

FATHER JOE: I recall an effort years ago by a Christian organization to edit movies offered by its video rental sites. The movies were edited for language, violence and nudity. It was promoted by many churches but legally ran afoul those who originally produced the films. They saw the editing as an affront to their artistic vision. In the same vein, songs are often played on the radio with gaps of silence or alternative lyrics for foul words. It may not be a sin to listen and to watch such edited material, but we should all be careful in terms of prudence and discretion as to what we promote or endorse.
Jeremy Kok, on September 11, 2025 at 5:36 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe

I would like ask if you could recommend any good books about the history of Christianity in Syria and North Africa? Because since these past few months I have been giving talks to my Legion of Mary congregation about several topics of Catholicism. I have done the crusades, the life of the twelve apostles, an introductory history of the Gospels and now I am designing presentation slides about a detailed history of th Eastern Catholic Churches.

FATHER JOE: I am not very knowledgeable on that. Perhaps ask someone from that part of the world?
Onyeka, on September 11, 2025 at 6:58 am said:

Hello Fr. I am a 24yrs old woman and I have two questions if you don’t mind. 1) I have been studying and reading books about marriage recently as part of my discernment. I tried discerning religious life but my family were strictly against it and even I began to feel it was impossible for me. So now I’m discerning marriage life but I’m also starting to feel it’s impossible for me too. I’ve seen my parents marriage fall apart after their 19th anniversary and have heard all kinds of unhappy stories especially on the part of the woman. One of the books I’m reading mentioned a lifetime purgatory in marriage, it basically said to hope for you and your spouse to live holy and happy together for life but expect it to not happen and be prepared for purgatory in marriage, since you can’t fully know one’s intentions. To be honest this is the only thing that’s convincing me to get married, knowing that I could become a saint for suffering in marriage. Other things about it are not attractive at all. So my question is what if I choose to stay single (not consecrated)? 2) I’m Nigerian, Igbo by tribe, and I hear some priests talking about inculturation and how those who are not willing to view Jesus from our cultural lens are still living in the colonial era and are treating Catholicism as foreign for not craving for a Nigerian image of our Lord wearing isiagu (the traditional man’s wear) and our Lady and for not wanting the the traditional ceremony of igbo wedding to be the norm and the priest goes to the traditional wedding venue, the bride’s home, for the exchange of vows and blessings of the priest. I’ve never seen it as a colonial post traumatic issue to want a wedding Mass inside the church, even after one has done the igbo ceremony. I know they say your culture is your identity but I choose to claim Catholicism for my identity even if it makes me less of an igbo woman (which I know it doesn’t), am I being inconsiderate?

FATHER JOE: I know that in certain countries couples go through three rituals: the courthouse legal recording of the marriage, the traditional tribal ceremony, and the Church wedding. Catholic marriages should be witnessed by a priest or deacon in a church. It must be understood that there is one marriage. The other two celebrations are for legal standing and show, but they have no value or weight regarding actual marriage.
Jeremy Kok, on September 10, 2025 at 10:38 pm said:

Hello, and peace be with you Father Joe

I would like to ask what is the teaching of the Church regarding the non-Catholic saints who are recognised and canonised by the Eastern Orthodox Church. Since we typically know that not all the saints in the Eastern Orthodox Church are qualified or recognised as official saints in the Catholic Church and veneration of them is a tricky issue. Kindly explain.

Thank you

FATHER JOE: You said it for yourself, the veneration of Orthodox saints is a “tricky issue” for Catholics. Some saints are shared, others are not. However, canonized or not, we can learn much from the holy men and women of other traditions. It will not matter once we join the saints in heaven as all the holy ones of paradise are Catholic, regardless of what they might have been on earth. Peace.
Nicholas Zych, on September 10, 2025 at 9:34 pm said:

I recently suffered a stroke, which essentially ended my early life. I hate my life so much, I just want to die

FATHER JOE: I had a heart attack that forever changed my life. My mobility is drastically reduced. My mortality is rushing upon me, ever closer each day. Love your life. Death will soon have its superficial victory. Our hope is in the Lord and in his resurrection. Do not despair. The crosses that enter our lives allow for us to share in Christ’s passion. But if we die with Christ, we will live with him. Offer your pain and struggle for the poor souls. You will merit much grace. Pray for me and I will pray for you.
Jeremy Kok, on September 8, 2025 at 12:17 am said:

Hello Father Joe, I would like to ask when North Africa which was then a major Catholic centre and hub was raided and conquered by Arab jihadists, was Christianity completely eradicated from the region or was a remnant that remained but had to go to the catacombs again?

FATHER JOE: The ancient Christian remnant would include small Catholic and Orthodox faith communities: Coptic and Syriac churches, Assyrians, Maronites, Nestorians, and others. Yes, some went underground and others were tolerated by non-Christians and Islam.
forsamuraimarket, on September 7, 2025 at 9:19 pm said:

Father, I used chatgpt to summarize my sins for my next confession. Is this okay? I wrote my sins in a Google Document and it’s 49 pages long…. chatgpt made it concise and it said:
1. The priest doesn’t need a lot of details
2. The Sacrament of Confession is not a court trial where I need to defend my sins so I can actually drop the parts where I am explaining why I did this or that.
3. Focus on my sins and what weigh my conscience. Stop narrating how people wronged me which resulted to me feeling resentful.
4. The confessional is not a therapy session where I need to detail everything. Just tell the priest my sins and ask God for mercy.
5. Practice the ’emergency confession’ where I briefly tell the priest my sins so in case of real emergency where I am dying and don’t have enough time, I know how to quickly confess without lengthy explanations.
I am honestly stunned at how chatgpt responded to my request. It sounded like a real human counselor who is an expert at my catholic faith. As Catholics, are we allowed to use technology for confession? Chatgpt is awesome! From 49 pages, my sins are down to 8 sentences. What do you think father? Should I stick to my 49 page long confession or follow chatgpt? I want full transparency during confession to make sure my confession is valid. But 8 sentences seem accurate… it categorized my sins accurately. And the tips made sense to me especially the emergency confession. Thank you, father. God bless you always and stay healthy and happy!

FATHER JOE: I think you should summarize confession yourself, without an application. The use of such technology takes away the work entailed with a genuine examination of conscience. It also threatens the seal of confession.
Mike Zias, on August 30, 2025 at 10:30 pm said:

2nd try:

On the matter of conscience.

Where does conscience come into the act of sinning? If a person does not believe they are sinning then are they sinning? We see terrorist kill innocent people and they are glad to do it. Within our Church we see Catholic politicians promoting abortion and indeed many of the clergy and even Pope Francis allows them communion, apparently no confession needed. Can a sin be classified as mortal if the person really doesn’t believe it is serious?

FATHER JOE: (already answered)

https://bloggerpriest.com/ask-a-priest/comment-page-215/#comments
Noelle, on August 30, 2025 at 9:42 am said:

Dear Father Joseph, I’m a young adult still living with my parents. We are Christians but don’t go to church. We used to many years ago. Recently I’ve watched a video expaining why Service is really important and something inside me wanted to make this change. I really want to grow spiritually and live the life God wants me to live but… I feel rather shy? My parents and me are in a very close relationship so I can’t just go out without explaining where I go. Unfortunately, I feel shy about sharing my faith. I even read Bible in secret. So I really lack courage to tell my parents I want to go to church. I’m afraid they’ll be againt it (because I almost fainted once during the service) or react just the opposite – saying “oh our girl, you’ve grown up so good”. Maybe sounds strange but I don’t want to be praised for this. Or maybe they’ll be against because I’m too busy now as I combine job and studies (this is my final semester, thanks goodness). Father Joe, i really lack bravery and courage to change my life, you are so experience and probably know many similar stories. Could you please tell me how can I navigate this challenge? I will be very grateful!

FATHER JOE: Your life is your own. Do not be timid about living to the full in your work and in your everyday social interactions. Time goes by quickly. You do not want to waste your talents or miss important opportunities. It is okay to be shy or demure. The world is filled with too many showoffs. But you do need to be pro-active and courageous in living out your faith. I cannot say whether this will make them happy or not. It is likely that it will remind them of their own defection and failure to pass down faith as dutiful parents. But forgive them and return to church practice. Who knows? Your return to practice may bring them back as well, meriting their salvation in Christ.

As a young adult, it is your business if you want to return to the practice of your faith. If they are receptive, invite them to go with you. That is about as much as you can do. That places the ball with them.

Welcome back! Now grow in the faith!
forsamuraimarket, on August 30, 2025 at 3:14 am said:

Dear Father,

I would like to share my confession experience last April/Holy Tuesday.

I arrived at the church at around 6PM and stood in line for confession until past 8PM.

The priest actually was eating biscuits and drinking coffee.

I am not complaining. What matters to me is the absolution.

I also believe the priest has all the rights to eat. He was most likely hearing confessions since morning and probably tired and starving.

It’s just a different experience.

Is this the norm? I go to confession since I was 9 yrs old and I am now 42! This is the first time I got that experience.

I’m not complaining. I am grateful I got my absolution. Thank you so much!

P.S. I work as a fiction writer and that gave me the idea to write a scene where the female lead is in the confessional and the priest was eating. This is a comedy scene. Am I sinning? The editor didn’t approve that scene saying it’s not interesting and doesn’t appeal to mainstream readers.

FATHER JOE: If you stood in line from 6 PM until 8 PM and the priest had been hearing confessions all day, then I would “definitely” say that the confessor was doing something right. Many of us listen for 30 minutes to an hour and no one comes. He deserves more than coffee and biscuits for his arduous service. I cannot imagine what would be comical, but I am not a professional fiction writer.
Anonymous, on August 26, 2025 at 9:26 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe

I have heard about sins crying out to heaven for vengeance and I am trying to understand how this works. Can God punish in this life and how might this manifest itself?

FATHER JOE: God can do as he pleases. He may permit particular trials in this life; however, we usually speak of justice being fulfilled in the world to come. It should be said that wickedness often brings down the curse upon itself even in this world. People can be their own worse enemies. They can bring disease, addiction, accident, incarceration, and all sorts of loss upon themselves because of misdeeds.
Noelle, on August 18, 2025 at 8:42 am said:

dear Father, it really bothers me why God created men stronger than women. we have no power to protect otherselves when attacked and this is the number one reason for sexism (which many face daily) because it’s a common opinion men deserve more respect because of their superior strength. we have limited job opportunities because many jobs require muscle strength and endurance. on top of that, our physical weakness isn’t compensated by any other ability. we aren’t smarter, more creative, more resilient etc. just equal. yes, women give birth but not without men. men don’t even need forgiveness of women (and men) whom they wronged. all they need is to confess to God. however, i do believe we are braver because men with their superior strength still experience fear, which sometimes also stops them from doing good things. we are weaker but also take risks. my favourite biblical example is Judith.

i prefer to focus on my own traits, skills and talents, rather than gender-based generalisations and appreciate that God gave me my own strengths at which an average person isn’t even nearly as good. maybe arrogant, but that calms me down.

anyway, as a girl who is weaker than an average girl and suffered from 4-year verbal bullying, this question crosses my mind frequently.

FATHER JOE:

It is true that in general men are physically stronger than women. However, women need not see themselves as victims. Anyone can learn self-defense. Women tend to be better communicators and can multi-task far better than males. This is not a stereotype but apparently has to do with the differences in our cerebral connections. Women also have the power and potency for giving birth. While belittled as weakness, it ranks as a superpower.

Currently in the United States women make up nearly half of the workforce and outnumber men in college-educated roles. Women far outpace men in health care support, personal care, and education. The gifts of women are increasingly respected, and advances are being made. In any case, the relationship of men to women should not be adversarial but one of collaboration. While it might seem sexist, good men tend to be protective and nurturing of the women in their lives. Loving fathers want their daughters to be happy and able to fulfill their gifts or talents. The repression of women is sinful. I would urge you not to see men and women in competition with one another. They have complementary powers or abilities. Be a champion, not a victim!
Anonymous, on August 11, 2025 at 2:39 pm said:

Hello, Father JoeIn the Bible, where it talks about meat sacrificed to idols, there was a moment where a person, going against his own, thought that he had committed idolatry, but the action itself was neutral. What was this person’s sin? Did he commit idolatry or another sin? Example: A scrupulous person thought that not praying before eating was apostasy. Would he be guilty of apostasy if he did not pray? Or he believes that an evil word is a sin of murder (since it violates the fifth commandment which forbids killing, but an evil word is also a sin against this commandment), should such a person confess to murder or other sin? (I hope my question doesn’t sound too weird)

FATHER JOE:

You must remember the conditions for sin: (1) the matter of the act itself must be sinful; (2) the agent must be aware of the wrong; and (3) the agent must exhibit free volition. These conditions answer most of your queries.

The Jews abided by laws given them about clean and unclean foods. The Church understands that these laws are abrogated for Christians. I suspect this is what you are asking about. If a Christian should errantly believe that the Levitical dietary laws were still binding, he would likely be obliged in conscience to keep them. However, the Church would not necessarily posit any sinful gravity one way or the other. The status of these rules for Jews is akin to what the precepts of the Church are for our membership.

However, as for the food that was once sacrificed to idols or false deities, that is an understanding that would still bind believers today. It was the conviction of Christians that such meat was tainted as it had been offered to demons. While the charity of pagans was to be commended, we should not compromise our faith. It was this conviction that propelled many believers to martyrdom. We do not hear much about this in our age because the false gods of the Greeks, Romans and others have eclipsed with the passage of time.

Not praying before eating may not be a sin; however, it is illustrative of a meager gratitude for the goodness of God and the hands that prepare our food. As for an evil word being equated with “thou shall not kill,” it is certainly the case although the gravity is not necessarily always mortal like the taking of human life. Wrath and angry language frequently lead to violence and murder. Sin is committed. An unkind word may only be venial, but the violation of life is inherently a mortal sin.

Again, there may be some confusion in what you are trying to communicate. A failure to say grace would likely not be the sin of apostasy. It is too trivial. Apostasy is the purposeful rejection of the Christian faith and defection from the Church. It is literally a rejection of the whole catechism. Such a formal act incurs automatic excommunication.
forsamuraimarket, on August 9, 2025 at 7:56 pm said:

Dear Father,

Please give me your wisdom.

Back story:

My mother has chronic gambling addiction which led to horrible family situations which I won’t elaborate so as not to bore you.

My twenties and thirties were spent solving all of my mother’s problems particularly MONEY problems.

She would always pile up debts and people would always scandalize our family and threaten to put her in jail.

As the eldest child, I “saved” my family from shame and my mother from being jailed by always paying for her debts.

Now I am 42 yrs old and have begged my mother to change too many times for the longest time. I told her I am getting old and I couldn’t spend my life paying for her debts.

We had a huge fight. I told her to leave my place. She vowed to never talk to me again.

To be honest, it was a big relief for me.

For the first time, I am spending my salary for my needs instead of her debts due to gambling addiction.

Now the priest in the confession urged me to bring my mother back into my life. For context, this is Philippine culture so abandoning our parents is truly a cardinal sin.

I understand she is my mother.

But she’s destroying me. And she couldn’t understand that she’s caused too much pain and misery to me and my siblings.

The priest in the confession said that “God has already forgiven you but you won’t receive this forgiveness until you forgive your mother. She deserves the guidance of her daughter, not judgment.”

I totally understand what the priest said but I’m not just willing to take back my mother. I don’t want to be her enabler. On my mother’s side, she wants me to pay her $10k USD (when converted to USD from Peso) worth of debts for us to be okay.

In my little brain, forgiving and reconciling with my mother means I am going to pay all her debts again and I am going to carry all her problems again. I am so resistant to this idea. She’s jobless since I was 19 yrs old, btw.

On the other hand, if I don’t pay for my mother’s debts, nobody will do it.

Please give me your wisdom.

Thank you so much. God bless.

FATHER JOE: Forgiving your mother does not mean paying for her debts. Love cannot be bought. That is manipulation. Tell her that she is loved but that you will not enable her sins. She may gamble her life away but you must not let her do the same for you and your children. Maybe the priest was misunderstood? I cannot say. But your faults have been absolved. If your mother wants reconciliation with God and with you then she must also make an effort. She needs to repent, to change her life and to act responsibly. The burden is not just upon you.
Anonymous, on August 8, 2025 at 12:06 pm said:

Hello father Joe

Should events that would most likely not have happened without sin be reversed? It is clear that stolen goods should be returned to restore justice, but what about other cases? If yes, is this a mandatory condition for the remission of sin?

FATHER JOE: Yes, when possible, justice should be served. Unfortunately, people often feel remorse and seek mercy many years after wrongs are committed. Direct restoration may no longer be possible. One might have to make a generic donation of time, talent or treasure to a church charity for the poor, instead. The confessor will often seek some assurance of amendment of life and/or restitution along with the prescribed penance or prayers to be said. However, in many cases the damage from sin is done and cannot be undone. For instance, if our sinful actions or inaction should result in the loss of life, there is no way for the penitent to restore what was lost. Often theft these days regards such large amounts that it would prove impossible to make good on what was taken. Similarly, how does one restore another’s good name and reputation after perjury? Further, certain sins (as with the abuse of children) are so vile that they cry out to heaven. God might forgive but one’s associations in this world will remain strained. Who can ever again trust such a person? Certain hurts prove to be lasting. For instance, the violation of innocence is nearly impossible to fix.
Jd, on August 2, 2025 at 1:31 am said:

father Joe , I am struggling with confession. As I get older, I look back and second guess some things, things I missed or just I guess didn’t come out right. At my age I know there is a list of sins that I missed/forgot to confess over the years. I go to confession just no sure how to address this or I am just over thinking and complicating it?

FATHER JOE: Sins that were forgotten are forgiven when confessed in good faith.
Diane, on July 31, 2025 at 11:38 am said:

Hi Father,

What happened to the doctrine of Limbo? Did Limbo never exist, or are we to understand it more like the way Dante described the entrance to Hell?

FATHER JOE: St. Augustine and many early churchmen suggested that children who died without baptism went to hell. The scholastic theologians shied away from this view and theorized a limbo of the innocents. Such children could not go to heaven because of original sin. But neither did they seem deserving of the pains of hell. This limbo was understood as a place where the children would be naturally happy but ignorant of God. It is not a biblical construct so I cannot say for sure if it exists or not. Our Lord just did not go into detail about infants of children who died before the age of reason without the regeneration of baptism. Many theologians are more optimistic today that these children might go to heaven. My posture is simply to urge baptism in emergencies and soon after birth. There was much about it in pre-Vatican II catechisms.
E.T., on July 30, 2025 at 4:04 pm said:

Hello Father Joe

Jesus gave powers to his disciples to go out and heal diseases and perform miracles. He commanded them to go out to the nations of the world and preach as well as heal the sick and mentally ill. There are over 700,000 priests in the Catholic clergy yet I haven’t heard any of them perform miracles. Other than the odd saint from the last century no priest has performed any miracles as Jesus commanded them to. Even if there are priests that do they are in the tiny minority. According to Jesus they should ALL have the power to perform miracles. I have heard that most priests are even afraid to perform exorcisms. Have you ever healed anyone Father Joe?

FATHER JOE:

First, formal exorcisms require sanction from the immediate bishop.

Second, the greatest miracles are the sacraments, especially the absolution in penance and the consecration at Mass.

Third, all priests are healing priests. Miracles happen all the time. We just do not advertise them. Acts of faith must not be reduced to magic for show.
Jeremy Kok, on July 29, 2025 at 9:06 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe, during the era of the Crusades did the Byzantines deliberately betray the Western Catholic Crusaders en route to the Holy Land? If so, what was the reason, is it because of the Schism of 1054.

FATHER JOE: The two sides had clashing goals. They both felt betrayed by the other. A recommended book is THE CRUSADES by Hilaire Belloc.
Anonymous, on July 29, 2025 at 7:37 pm said:

Hello. I would like to ask a question about impotency and validity of marriage. I am 21, female, and currently discerning my vocation. I am diagnosed with lichen sclerosus, an autoimmune vulval disease that has caused scarring and atrophy to my anatomy. In my current state, I am impotent. Theoretically, I could have treatment and surgery to make sex physically possible, so I don’t think I classify as perpetually impotent. However, I do not wish to have this treatment, as the disease has also damaged my nerves, causing me unable to experience pleasure and instead I experience a lot of pain, which I can imagine would only worsen with sexual contact. This is not something I want, neither would I like to put my husband in such an uncomfortable position where he is aware that I experience only pain in the marital act.

My question is, would I have the possibility of entering a valid celibate marriage in my impotent state?

Thank you

FATHER JOE:

If you would like to get married someday, it is recommended that you pursue the medical treatment necessary. Few men would be willing to pursue a celibate or Josephite marriage. It is my understanding that despite struggle and discomfort, those with this illness can still conceive and bear babies.

Marriage as a sacrament is naturally directed to the propagation of children. The spouses also have a right to sexual congress as an expression of their fidelity and union. The marital act consummates the marriage as indissoluble.

It often happens that couples in a Josephite union will later petition to be released from their promise of celibacy. In any case, the pledge must be mutual without intimidation. More frequently it seems, couples enter such arrangements of continence after a carnal union of many years and the raising of a family. It should not be a relationship forced upon a couple through duress or impotence.

While men might embrace celibate love as a single person or as a religious or priest, the difficulty with celibate marriage is the immediate proximity of the beloved and the natural attraction. Like a glutton who runs a bakery, he would have a hard time dieting given the easy availability of his heart’s delight and concupiscence. Good St. Joseph is traditionally regarded as an older and fatherly spouse to Mary. In any case, there were likely special graces granted to preserve Joseph’s chaste relationship within the Holy Family. It is unlikely that you and your chosen spouse would have such spiritual protection. Most men struggle with their physicality and your attractiveness within the intimacy of marriage might become an unbearable struggle.