Ask a Priest

5,417 Responses

Hannah, on August 16, 2024 at 10:34 pm said:

Dear Father,

Does God not answer prayers if you sinned? I’m wondering if I committed a grave sin because God isn’t answering my prayers. I’m praying for a husband and a job and it’s not happening.

FATHER JOE: God answers prayers but such is not magic. Sometimes God says no or not now. We might also be praying for the wrong things. Those in serious sin often miss the whole point of prayer and the need for grace.
Marcos, on August 14, 2024 at 4:42 pm said:

Dear Father

I am currently in the process of entering the Catholic Church (I was baptized Evangelical and currently doing Catechism for First Communion and Confirmation). The thing is that I struggle with habitual mortal sin, and it gets worse. I pray for grace but keep falling.

In this situation, given that I have no access to Confession, I feel despair and think that I won’t persevere. I still go to Catechism sessions but cannot go to Mass every Sunday for “particular reasons.” (I still live with my family and out of obedience, or maybe cowardice, I still go to their congregation with them.)

How could one avoid these feelings and persevere in this situation?

Thank you for your time.

In Christ,
Marcos

FATHER JOE:

Most men struggle with sins of weakness, particularly in the flesh. While we should earnestly struggle for mastery over ourselves, I suspect the good Lord understands and makes a distinction between this and those who sin from malice. I regularly counsel in such cases, recourse to the act of contrition prayer, particularly when it is difficult or impossible to go to confession. Given that your baptism is recognized by the Catholic Church, you might want to ask a priest to serve as your spiritual director and confessor. When you formally enter the Church, you will make an act of reception, be anointed with chrism (Confirmation) and receive Holy Communion at Mass.

I can appreciate the sense of obedience, probably more akin to respect, given that you are an adult. But at some time, you are going to have to let them know. Further, your family will have questions and may even seek to dissuade you. That means that you must be prepared with the reasons for your continuing conversion and be ready to accept the consequences. Here in the United States, many Evangelicals have become Catholic, merging in a sense the best characteristics of both.

What would it mean to be an Evangelical Catholic. The trailblazer for this was the late Father Richard John Neuhaus. His conversion from Lutheranism came in the context of the papacy of Pope St. John Paul II. First, while acknowledging the backdrop of Sacred Tradition, they exhibit a strong evangelical spirit regarding Sacred Scripture. We must both know the truths of the Bible and be willing to share them. The Catholic Church must take ownership of the Scriptures. The Church is the mother of the Bible. Second, in proclamation of the Word and in the celebration of the sacraments, we must always focus upon the Paschal Mystery. This mystery is defined as the passion, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus. Jesus is the one Savior. His is the saving name. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. None come to the Father but through him. Third, we are called both to a personal and a corporate or communal faith in the Lord. Jesus is the ultimate term of salvation. Saving faith in Christ is defined by loving obedience. Conversion must be real. Even if baptized as a child, we must own our faith and pursue a genuine relationship with the risen Christ. Fourth, we must be dedicated to what Pope Francis calls the New Evangelization. In truth it is very old, but believers have become complacent. One cannot truly possess the faith or the Gospel unless there is a deep commitment to give it away. A failure to share faith is a failure to love. We must proclaim the Good News to friends, family, and even enemies (and thus make them friends).
Lucy, on August 14, 2024 at 2:13 pm said:

Hello Father,

Just wondering if you know why God doesn’t just reveal himself to everyone (like come down to earth every once in a while). Everyone would know He’s real and most would then worship Him as they should and try not to offend Him.

FATHER JOE: Remember the Old Testament. None can see God as God and live. I suspect we need the space to preserve free will.
ML, on August 12, 2024 at 10:13 pm said:

Hello,

I agree with Sarah. I find Trump distasteful in every way, especially now that he has relaxed his stance on abortion. I also think he’s dangerous. I was completely on edge and anxiety-ridden about the state of our nation all four years of his presidency. However, the alternative isn’t much better. I was going to see if Peter Sonski makes the ballot (probably not) and if not, I am not going to vote for either candidate. But I read somewhere that not voting is a sin. Is that true? I mean, what gives?
Sarah, on August 11, 2024 at 11:44 pm said:

https://envisioningtheamericandream.com/2024/01/18/is-trump-the-chosen-one/

Not to mention Trump’s own ad, “God Made Trump” campaign.
Sarah, on August 11, 2024 at 11:37 pm said:

I appreciate your response , Father. I am definitely not ‘delighting in the sins of others’ as you accused me of doing, but when people step into the public eye and ask for our vote, it’s necessary to know about the person we choose to vote for….from a policy standpoint, moral stances, behaviors, past actions, maturity, temperament, choices they make, how they act, etc. To not evaluate from all angles would be irresponsible given the importance of the matter. I do not delight in the state of our political system, that is for certain! Yes, I agree, I too am a sinner, but I’m not running for public office, never mind for POTUS. I find it shocking to see such immature and petty behavior from those who want to be leaders of our country.

Second, when I submitted my message, Biden had not dropped out of the race. So now there is Kamala on the Democratic ticket.

No 1 candidate is like going to check ALL boxes for us as Catholics.

As far as your statement ‘I would hope no candidate would see himself or herself as God”…..well, some Trump supporters profess this to be true and Trump soaks it up. There is a book entitled, “President Donald J. Trump, Son of Man- The Christ” by Helgard Miller. There are posters of Trump for sale dressed as Jesus holding a lamb in his arms. (Many versions actually). Google “Trump holding Lamb” and they will pop up. Other images with Trump standing over Jesus hugging him. I’m surprised you aren’t aware of these or have seen this level of devotion to Trump by some Catholics.

Maybe this is more of a region by region thing, but in the area where I live, people in my parish literally idolize Trump. Again, this is mind blowing to me given that he is the most UNLIKE Jesus person I know. Trump is a hard NO for me.

Bottom line, our country needs a lot of prayers. I will pray for you, too.

FATHER JOE:

I would take exception to the notion that we need to know the many personal sins of our leaders. Good or bad, they deserve a certain degree of privacy, especially on matters that impact upon their families. Further, sometimes matters are convoluted and may not be what they seem to be. We live in a time when calumny is a widespread sin. Back in the 1990’s I thought politicians went too far at exposing the private behavior of President Clinton. Today it is about Trump’s infidelities, or Biden strangeness or Harris’ behavior as a young woman. Anyhow, as a confessor of souls I was uncomfortable with the long list you made and deleted it while keeping your accompanying comments.

Like you, I would hope that our politicians would be utterly good and ethical in both their personal and public lives; but the truth be said, such a requirement would likely empty Washington, DC.

I would not judge candidates by the fanatics that follow them. I would look at the issues and policies they support. Neither Trump nor Harris is the coming Messiah. Most people understand this. Harris appeals to the political left. Trump appeals to some on the right, but not all. His secret is likely a jargon that touches a chord with people who feel maligned, forgotten or desperate. When Trump ran against Hillary, his victory over her in Pennsylvania was traced to their contracting messages. Hillary told steel and coal workers that they would have to be re-educated for new lines of work, maybe with computers. This message struck them like a brick. Trump came through and said we are going to open the mines and start up the steel mills again! This gave them hope for work and dignity. It does not take a brain surgeon or rocket scientist to see the difference. He echoes their anger. Similarly, when Biden won, women came out in droves who were upset about Roe versus Wade being overturned. Politicians may appeal to the head but often find it more fruitful to target the emotions— especially frustration and fear.
hardpracticallyf8f8d4a669, on August 11, 2024 at 4:02 pm said:

I don’t know where Father Joe gets his info on Ms. Harris but I suggest you fact check. I would think her opposition would be all over this if there was any truth to it. I agree with Pope Francis with regard to Trump (on immigration) and what Francis said about abortion: don’t get yourself painted into a corner [on this issue]. BTW If you oppose abortion you MUST oppose capital punishment if you are truly pro life.

FATHER JOE:

Fact checking is a good thing. This is what I posted: “As a priest I may deal with moral issues, but I do not engage in partisan politics. Further, I would urge dealing with one’s own sins and seeking forgiveness; not delighting in chronicling the sins of another. I know no Catholics who deem Trump to be a saint. Harris’ early career also has embarrassing points that I will not list. What are the policy points that are important to you? Do you totally concur with Harris, given that she considers the Knights of Columbus to be a hate group, has actively sought to infringe the religious liberty of the Catholic Church, and has made the abortion of unborn children a central tenet of her campaign?”

Although it is four years old, here is a link to an accurate article about Harris . . .

https://www.nationalreview.com/2020/10/a-brief-history-of-kamala-harris-and-the-knights-of-columbus/

While Trump talks more than she does, much of her career is in the public record. She has made her pro-abortion stand the hallmark of her campaign. While Trump is criticized for judicial picks and for opposing partial birth infanticide, he seems okay with returning the abortion issue to states. This is not enough for Harris, she wants it legal everywhere, all nine months, and to have it paid for with our tax dollars. While Biden campaigned against capital punishment, I am not sure she has published her stance on this issue. When she worked as the district attorney in San Francisco, she pledged not to seek the death penalty and yet as the California attorney general, she argued the penalty should be retained. Some have critiqued her as soft on crime.

If one cannot be pro-life because of support for capital punishment, then it follows that anyone who is pro-abortion cannot be pro-life either. Of course, until recent times, the catechism allowed for capital punishment as a right of the secular state to preserve justice. Indeed, Pope John Paul II did not deny this power but only urged that it should not be used. Indeed, within a culture of death, he argued that leadership enabling the deaths of the innocent forfeited something of its ultimate authority over the guilty.
peapie60, on August 11, 2024 at 11:43 am said:

father joe, this is a new question. I have family in Japan who are Buddhist. It is very difficult to share my Christian faith. These people are very loving and good, but resistant to accepting a different faith. Many are more moral than many Christians I know. What does the church say about people like this? Are they going to hell? If someone hasn’t accepted Jesus as their Savior, but follows the knowledge of good and love that God hasplacedin each of our hearts, will the salvation of Jesus cover them too? I know what I believe (that it will cover them) but I’m not sure what the church teaches. Will you enlighten me please?

thank you, and may God bless you!

patty pail

FATHER JOE: What should you do? You must share your faith by living it without embarrassment or reservation. Evangelization neither means active proselytization nor badgering others. We share a message, and we leave the work of conversion to the Holy Spirit. When it comes to our relationship with non-Christians, there should be mutual respect of persons and an effort at working together for a society that fosters justice and peace. As for who will or will not go to heaven, remember it is the Lord who will be the judge. He saves whom he wills. As Christians, we have confidence in the saving name of Jesus. We appreciate that the normative way that one merits a place in Christ’s kingdom is through faith and baptism. A saving faith is realized or maintained in loving obedience. The more one knows about the truth, the more accountable one is. We teach that the Church is the mystical body of Christ and that there is no salvation outside of the Church and apart from Christ. That is where we place our hope. We pray for others and allow that God can save whomever he wills. Many do not know Christ or have a relationship with him as we do. We pray that God will be generous with his election to save souls. We pray that he will show his face to them.
Mia, on August 11, 2024 at 2:53 am said:

Fr Joe,

there is a type of therapy called the emotion code that deals with releasing trapped subconscious emotions. Is this okay?

FATHER JOE: Do not know what it is.
Jeremy Kok, on August 10, 2024 at 7:07 am said:

Hello and peace be with you Father Joe, I would like to ask, what does Blessed Fulton Sheen meant by this quote: “The Gospels did not start the Church; the Church started the Gospels. The Church did not come out of the Gospels; the Gospels came out of the Church.”

FATHER JOE: It is a learned response to the Protestant fundamentalists and their “sola scriptura” approach to the Bible. They presume that the “church” and Christian faith and discipleship emerge entirely from a fidelity to the Bible. However, historically, this is not the case. It is the CHURCH and not the Bible that takes precedence. Indeed, the Church was preaching, presbyters were offering the Lord’s Supper or Mass, and new believers were being baptized— before the oral Gospels were written, the epistles were composed, and the books of the New Testament were gathered and agreed to by the bishops at the Council of Hippo in 393 AD. Indeed, we have a letter written by St. Clement (a papal successor of St. Peter) that corrected the Corinthians (70 to 96 AD). It is arguably older than the Book of Revelation. The Bible or Gospel comes from the Church, under divine inspiration, not the other way around.
Ant, on August 4, 2024 at 9:14 pm said:

Hello, I would like to ask a question. Is it OK to get a tattoo. Nothing rude or offensive. Just something that is important to me.
It would be a tattoo of my mum’s name and maybe some kind of design around it. Isn’t it supposed to be a sin? I am hoping it is okay. Thank you in advance.

FATHER JOE: While it is arguably not a sin, I have always found the matter of tattoos questionable. Many have mutilated themselves with so-called body-art. That is wrong and sinful. Some have hidden tattoos while others display them on their legs, arms, chests and even faces. Remember that for all intents and purposes, they are permanent. Either acid or lasers are required to remove them, a painful process that leaves scarring. What you do is your business, but I suspect that your mother would prefer kind words and sharing time with you. If she has left this world, remember her in prayer. Most mothers would prefer that their children not mark up their bodies with such remembrances. Keep your mother in your heart, not on your skin.
Anthony M, on July 25, 2024 at 12:49 pm said:

Father Joe,

Thank you for your time, patience and dedication.

I have a situation to which I am finding it difficult to pinpoint a sure answer. My wife and I have been married over 40 years. She is post-menopausal and has little desire for relations, unlike myself (less, but still there to the point of inordinate distraction). Hard to believe, but I have masturbated infrequently to relieve tension without pornography or lustful thoughts. I find it difficult to understand how “spilling seed” matters when my wife (65, we have 4 adult children) is infertile. And yes, I know, Elizabeth and others but I tend to think that it was more of an act of God. I want to be more of a man of God, but when I go long without release, I mean like over a month, the more I feel attacked by lustful thoughts. Masturbation tends to free my mind of those thoughts.

I would be thankful for your thoughts (and prayers) on this matter.

Anthony

FATHER JOE: The Church teaches that masturbation is always a misuse of the sexual faculty. It is judged as “mortal matter” although subjective elements can make it a venial transgression. I would urge dialogue with your wife on the matter. She may incur decreased desire, but she still has a marital duty to her spouse. Know that you always have recourse to confession for weaknesses of the flesh.
Joseph Dismas, on July 22, 2024 at 5:55 am said:

Hi and peace be with you Father,

My wife and are Catholic. My wofe is Kenyan Catholic and in Kenya, the church encourages connections to their tribal culture. Many Kenyan Catholics are permitted to wear tribal piercings and beads. Is this okay? I’ve never had a problem but some American Catholics would say this blending of Catholicism and local customs are unacceptable. Your input is greatly appreciated. God bless!

FATHER JOE: It is okay as long as there is no bodily mutilation or religious significance contrary to your Catholic faith. Any messages (even symbolic) that reflect pagan spirituality should be avoided.
Shea Norris, on July 18, 2024 at 2:39 pm said:

is it mortal sin if I cannot attend Mass on Sundays because of work

FATHER JOE: It depends on the work. Is it necessary? Does it help the community? Is there an effort to find times when Mass would be possible?
Jeremy Kok, on July 16, 2024 at 8:24 am said:

Hello and peace be with you Father Joe, I would like ask during the sack of Rome in 410 AD by Alaric the Visigoth; Christians and churches were not harmed including those who sought refuge in them. Therefore, did the church become caretakers and assist in the administration and recovery of Rome after the incident?

Thank you

FATHER JOE: The empire had turned to Christianity but the Church remained small. Many blamed the sacking of Rome upon the Christians and the abandonment of the old gods. Everyone would help with its recovery, but the Church had few resources. While buildings were preserved and those who took sanctuary in them, the Church and her membership lost much in the way of its resources. Anything of value was stolen, even from the churches.
Sarah, on July 15, 2024 at 2:42 am said:

Hi Father.

As a Catholic, I have a very difficult time understanding how to view former President Trump. He is a man without any characteristics of Jesus. He has no humility, no integrity,

[DELETED a listing of his sins].

But there are Catholics/ Christians who see him as the next Messiah…. that God sent him. Honestly, I think Trump thinks he IS God and there are those that see him as a God. It’s all very hard to understand how Trump could cause all this chaos and division in our country, and be seen and idolized in religious circles, especially Catholic. This question isn’t from a political standpoint, but from a Christian / Catholic perspective. I know he wants laws to make Abortion illegal, but I’m not convinced his stance on that is authentic. (I do believe life begins at conception and that abortion is wrong…..but many things are against the law….murder, stealing, drugs, speeding in a car, etc. Just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Supporting women so they choose life is how we end abortion.)

Anyhow, how is it that a man with such poor moral character, so much UNLIKE Jesus, is put up on a pedestal by some Catholics? It’s mind blowing and confusing with Trump’s scathing track record.. (And yes, Biden isn’t without his own issues, but no one is acting as though Biden has been sent by God, or the next Messiah, or the “Chosen one”, or God)

It’s extremely bewildering. There are those in my Church who absolutely love Trump no matter what he does. They honestly believe he has been chosen by God. And, there are those who cannot stand him for the way he acts and handles himself, for his poor moral compass, and feel that he only cares about himself, the power, and getting re-elected….and that he is dangerous. Polar opposite viewing the same person. As passionate people are for Trump, there are those who are as passionate against him.

How can this man be seen in such a positive light by some Catholics/ Christians? Is it abortion alone that permits all him remaining offenses to be overlooked?

The United States of America is greatly in need of prayers right now. There is not doubt of that. So I will pray and trust that God has control of this big mess.

Thank you,
Sarah

FATHER JOE:

As a priest I may deal with moral issues, but I do not engage in partisan politics. Further, I would urge dealing with one’s own sins and seeking forgiveness; not delighting in chronicling the sins of another. I know no Catholics who deem Trump to be a saint. Harris’ early career also has embarrassing points that I will not list. What are the policy points that are important to you? Do you totally concur with Harris, given that she considers the Knights of Columbus to be a hate group, has actively sought to infringe the religious liberty of the Catholic Church, and has made the abortion of unborn children a central tenet of her campaign?

I would hesitate to say that either candidate is always Godly or that what we are witnessing is providential. Although, such might be the case for believers standing up for the dignity of persons and the sanctity of life. I would hope that no politician would see himself or herself as God; although, those who redefine gender in opposition to natural law, violate the meaning of marriage and target the unborn child for extermination are certainly playing God. The division is not just the fault of one side but the demonization of fellow Americans by both parties is a pressing problem. Maybe we need a new party and a whole new slate of candidates? When the party machine lies to us and is more interested in retaining power than the governance of the nation— we are in trouble.

I suspect the pressing issues of voters in November are as follows:

• The terrible inflation that is afflicting the nation.
• Security at the border and the control of immigration.
• The international situation and the race to war.
• The expansion of chemical abortion and infanticide.
• The need for energy independence.
• Concern about the environment.
• Bringing down interest rates and facilitating home ownership.
• Protecting American jobs and products.
• Dealing with the incursion of illegal drugs.
• Helping families and responding to child-care needs.
• Safeguarding religious liberty and human rights.
• Escalation of crime and punishing criminals.
Jeremy Kok, on July 10, 2024 at 4:47 pm said:

Hello, and peace be with you Father Joe. I understand the overall concept of natural evil, and Saint Thomas Aquinas also teaches that worship should never be delegated to nature but to God alone due to nature’s unpredictability and lethality and we can only marvel at its wonders and beauty as an attribute that reflected God’s glory. However, having said that, could natural evil also be linked a privation of something good due to that particular force pursuing its own perfection? Example like a volcano erupts and rejuvenates the air and creates new land and by its nature is good but when it starts affecting living beings nearby then its evil, but God permits it as a necessary type of evil.

Correct me if I am wrong

FATHER JOE:

The actions of natural forces are indifferent to the presence of life. We judge things as natural evils when human beings are involved. Just as you said, a volcano might add to the land mass, but it might just as likely bury the people nearby under lava and ash. There is also a quality of subjectivity. A rainstorm could help the farmer’s crops or replenish the ground water for the thirsty; however, those very same rains might cause deadly flooding and create treacherous conditions for others. Thus, it may seem that privation for one is surplus for another.

I am reminded of when Jesus was on the boat with his apostles and it was being toss about by the waves, making them afraid. Jesus awakens and calms the waters. He is the Lord of nature. This signals back to a primordial harmony that might have been ours were it not for original sin. As creatures wounded by the fall, we have to struggle with a woundedness in ourselves and a disharmony in the world around us.
Jeremy Kok, on July 9, 2024 at 7:21 am said:

Hello, and peace be with you, Father Joe. I would like to ask about your understanding of the forces of nature (volcanoes, tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes and many others) as being morally neutral agents created as “good” by God. Also, when creation was wounded by original sin, nature too was corrupted. Did that lead it to the infliction of natural evil upon mankind (in its present state) or it is accidental since we just happened to be in its path? Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

The teaching of the Church is that the rebellion of Adam and Eve brought about both moral and natural evil. The harmony that God intended was disrupted. Nevertheless, there is a debate on the matter of death. One side argues that exile from paradise and our mortality were a consequence of the fall. Had we been faithful, we would have lived in the garden forever. The other side argues that death was there all along. However, had we not forfeited sanctifying grace, we would have experienced death as an easy transition, much like moving from one room to another. Because of the reality of sin, the transition is jarring and what awaits us is veiled from our eyes. No matter whether an immediate creation of through the development of species, the emergence of ensouled beings (humanity) signified a watershed moment in creation. What our first parents would or would not do placed us on a definite trajectory. While we can speculate, all we know is a fallen state where we endure suffering, sickness and death. Moral evil is disobedience to God and any violation of the rights of persons, us or neighbor. Natural evil is when the lives of human beings intersect various disasters, i.e. aging, earthquakes, fire, flooding, volcanoes, storms, etc. Trees grow and fall all the time. This is rather neutral. However it becomes a natural evil when the tree falls on your head.
leowsells, on July 8, 2024 at 3:17 am said:

Hey Father,

I’m in college and pursuing a career in NFL media. However, with NFL games being played on Sunday, that would likely require me to work on those days and not rest.

I don’t think it would hinder me from going to Mass on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and I would be able to designate another day of the week as a day of rest/spirituality, but is that allowed? Any-and-all advice is appreciated, thank you!

FATHER JOE:

We do what we can, but God understands work commitments as well as other responsibilities, even on Sundays. The minimum is an effort to get to Mass. Coach Joe Gibbs, when he coached the Redskins, always prayed the Lord’s Prayer with the team in the locker room before games. He also made it possible for players to go to church services and Mass on weekends when they had games. Indeed, I was asked to offer Mass for the Catholic players and officials at a hotel some years ago. It is a witness that needs to be known. Maybe one day you will be able to report on such efforts? Peace!
Cristina, on July 7, 2024 at 4:32 am said:

hello, I’m confused about hell and heaven, Jesus told the criminal he would be in paradise with that day and he committed his spirit to god so that means he never went to hell right?

FATHER JOE: Yes, and I suspect that crucifixion is about as serious a penance as one could offer.
Ann, on July 5, 2024 at 2:51 pm said:

Greetings,

If Jesus died on the cross for the sins of all humans, regardless of their repentance, why wasn’t Satan given the same redemption? Will he ever be redeemed? I’m genuinely curious and confused about this. Thank you and praise be to the Lord!

FATHER JOE:

Satan is not human but rather is an angelic being. While they may know some form of duration, spiritual beings exist outside of time and space. When asked to define a fallen spirit, the reformed Protestant theologian Karl Barth said that a demon is angel that “tarries.” Even the slightest hesitation to praise God and respond to the divine will, has an eternal and complete permeation. Angels have a far greater intellect than human beings. Their sin is decisive and allows for no repentance or conversion. Their choice to rebel against God places them into a permanent spiritual disorientation. They are not only cast into hell— they literally become hell. Similarly, if men and women die in mortal sin, then they will also know the eternal fires of hell. Death makes our orientation permanent. Similarly, the angels and saints of heaven can never turn away from God.
Christopher, on June 30, 2024 at 1:53 am said:

hi,

I have a question: I have autism and I have a handmade doll from India that I cherish very deeply. I am wondering if I can keep this doll in heaven/new earth.

FATHER JOE:

We must let go of the world so as to claim Christ. All things in this world are passing. Make Christ your treasure.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” (Matthew 6:19-21).
Laura, on June 25, 2024 at 11:24 pm said:

hi father, I wanted to know if medjogria was a approved? Did the Pope approve it?? Thanks

FATHER JOE: It is not formally approved.
Luke, on June 25, 2024 at 7:22 pm said:

Hello,
I felt pride when confessing a mortal sin of violent hatred, I thought it would make me “a cool guy”, but I didn’t realize I had thought something so horrible till some minutes later. I try my best to become aware of sinful thoughts and reject them during confession, but I fail regularly.

My question is, can you sin without realizing it at the moment?
if you have a terrible thought and you realize you had it 1 hour later, did you sin?

Thanks for your time

FATHER JOE: If you realized it on any level, and beware of self-deception about this, then it is a sin. However, as I have said before, you cannot sin by accident or while unaware.
Skip, on June 25, 2024 at 11:07 am said:

Hi Brooklyn,

I believe first off we need to back up ahead of the reasoning of the question. I am a happily married man and I mentor many marriages as my calling of the Lord.
Based on that question, this is pending on a past behavior that has developed into an unhealthy relationship. Intimacy should exist in a healthy marriage throughout all the five love languages. If you have a sacramental marriage, it becomes even more identifiable of an order of the relationship based on our Catholic beliefs. Sexual activity is part of intimacy, not being only defined as intimacy.

So, before we can debunk the practical way to address that question, we have to decide whether we want to address it based upon a reaction of the conditional relationship, or by true discoveries of what a relationship really is and designed to be.

Rape could be identified by emotional trauma even if the person really did not want sexual activity, yet allowed it to happen to protect themselves from any sort of abuse. The dual consent should be established within a relationship, but many times we see couples for different reasons become a divided relationship and sexual content just becomes a task. Then both partners create distance in the relationship and then it builds into something that is forced rather than a mutual intimate decisions fulfilled by true intimacy.

I’d rather you seek deep understanding of where the relationship is before setting conditional answered of sin or no sin based on actions that isn’t fulfilled by a healthy relationship.

peace Be with you

FATHER JOE:

Thank you for you additional insights.

I will reiterate that rape is always and everywhere a grievous wrong and a crime. Failure to share the marital act with a spouse is a violation of the vows and a core meaning of marriage. Adultery is a violation of fidelity, either actual (through a romantic or physical liaison with someone else) or virtual (through desire and the imagination). The viewing of pornography is a form of the latter.

Catholic doctrine would qualify that the marital act both consummates and renews the covenant between spouses. That is much more than just one act within a backdrop of intimacy. It is the principal act that distinguishes the union from other types of relationship or bonding. Marriage itself is defined as a sexual relationship that fosters fidelity and is open to the generation of new human beings. The marital act is defined as non-contraceptive vaginal intercourse between spouses. It is for this reason that contraceptive intercourse does not consummate a marriage as it is not that type of act that ordinarily generates new human life. Indeed, if a couple were elderly or infertile but used condoms to prevent disease, the marital act would still be negated. This teaching arguably comes across as physicalistic but that is the whole point of marriages. Men and women marry because they are drawn to each other as bodily creatures who share a complementary gender. Angels have no bodies and do not marry. Men do not marry men or goats or trees. They marry women. The marital union is a unique form of friendship that finds its meaning in spousal love and passions— the fact that we are creatures of flesh.

The initial decision to share the marital act is made with the vows. The “when” and “where” after that should respect mutual needs and prudence. Just because one “does not feel like engaging” is a poor reason to refrain. If a spouse wants and needs this intimacy, then the beloved should foster “a spontaneity of the heart” and open oneself to the other’s needs.

Be wary of advice that focuses on psychology to the detriment of the spiritual and moral dynamic. Such exclusive reasoning is often employed by secularists to validate immoral acts and the termination of marital unions.