Ask a Priest

5,417 Responses

Jon, on June 23, 2024 at 11:37 am said:

Hi Father! I pray for your blessing! Your articles are of great help to me and family! I am interested in your book defending the Catholic faith. I see it recommended at the end of great articles. Peace and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you

OOP
Jeremy, on June 19, 2024 at 7:37 am said:

Hello and peace be with you, Father Joe, I would like ask do you have any good recommendations of any books about the history of all the Popes?

Thank you

https://www.amazon.com/Illustrated-History-Popes-Authoritative-Catholic/dp/075483025X/
Kelly, on June 18, 2024 at 4:01 am said:

I recently had a difficult delivery, started bleeding internally after giving birth and had to receive a blood transfusion. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days after birth until I was stable enough to go home. My doctor told me I should never get pregnant again because I could experience postpartum hemorrhage again, and end up having a hysterectomy. He said my husband should have a vasectomy. I used natural family planning for 5 years prior to getting pregnant. Is it still against the Catholic Church to use contraception or get my tubes tied so I don’t get pregnant again if my doctor said not to for medical reasons? I am older (42 years) and am scared to go through that experience again if I became pregnant. I thought I was going to die in the hospital. The whole experience was traumatic and I am still processing it.

FATHER JOE: There is no getting around the fact that the human condition is broken and that both marriage and having children is perilous and demands courage. What you and your husband do is between the two of you and your confessor. However, speaking objectively, both tubal ligation and vasectomy for purposes of contraception are regarded morally wrong by the Church. I do not want to sound harsh or unsympathetic to your plight, but given your age, nature will likely soon resolve the cause of your anxiety.
"confession", on June 18, 2024 at 2:16 am said:

Father, I did “some things” when I was a child that, while I don’t remember doing them or why, I am deeply ashamed for and, already, I’ve asked the Lord to forgive me but, still, will the Lord forgive me? Will the Lord forgive any sins committed when the sinner was a child?

FATHER JOE: Sorry to come across as rude but this comment makes no sense whatsoever. You say you are ashamed of acts done as a child which YOU DO NOT REMEMBER DOING. Such self-recrimination is nonsense. Get over it!
Jeff Lawson, on June 17, 2024 at 11:13 pm said:

Fr. Joe, if a couple, Catholic or not, marries before the justice of the peace (civil marriage) would they be committing the sin of fornication if they live together, having sexual relations that are reserved for married persons only?

FATHER JOE: Catholics married outside the Church and without benefit of the sacrament commit serious sin by sexual congress. Fornication is any intimate sexual activity outside of marriage. However, if single non-Catholics (either non-believers or Protestants) get married before a judge or justice of the peace, the Catholic Church assumes that their bond is a valid marriage. Thus, the marital act between them is justified and a duty of marriage— not a sin at all. Non-Catholics are not bound to ecclesial law on this matter.
Flossy, on June 15, 2024 at 7:22 pm said:

If a Cardinal is elected Pope is he allowed to refuse? Has there ever been anyone who has done so? Thank you.

FATHER: Yes, a cardinal can refuse. But we would likely not be informed.
Mike Zias, on June 13, 2024 at 12:58 am said:

Father Joe,

Is a same-sex union the same as a same sex civil marriage?

According to the Catechism we are to welcome those who are gay and not alienate them. However, we are also told we are not to promote their marriage. A fine line it seems. Can you provide some guidance on how we can distinguish between acceptance of them but not their lifestyle or marriage. The Church these days seems to send mixed messages on that and other issues.

FATHER JOE:

Mike, the difference between same-sex union and same-sex civil marriage is that the latter is given legal and public recognition. Early arguments for such marriages were espoused in the District of Columbia in the early 1990’s. The proposed measure would grant partners a share in health benefits, insurance and right of inheritance. Many of us thought that such benefits could be given without recourse to redefining marriage.

The welcoming from the catechism is spurned by many same-sex union advocates as it defines homosexuality as a “disorientation” and demands that intimate sexual activity be limited to those in heterosexual marriages. As for mixed messages given off by the Church, you are quite right. I would argue that this is detrimental to the transmission of faith and unjust to homosexuals who are unsure from day to day about their standing. Indeed, Pope Francis in interviews and statements switches back and forth with words of welcome and slurs of the worse recrimination. I am at a loss to understand it.
MC, on June 12, 2024 at 10:01 pm said:

Hello Father,

I used to drink a bottle of wine a day. I have been able to reduce that number to two drinks a day or less. Even though I don’t drink on a daily basis (unless undergoing a period of stress) I feel like I may still suffer from alcohol addiction. I have read that addiction is a sin. Does this mean I cannot go to daily mass and take communion? Should I confess this every week? There doesn’t seem to be clear guidance online except to say you’re ok if you don’t get drunk to the point of not being able to reason properly. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: If you can reduce your intake to two glasses a day then you are likely not an alcoholic . . . unless you drink from HUGE glasses. The issue is the impairment of faculties and a sinful addiction. If you have a problem, you should seek help. The gravity of the sin is mitigated by those with the disease.
Jeremy Hong, on June 12, 2024 at 7:11 pm said:

Hello and peace be with you Father Joe, I would like to know what actually caused the French Revolution to evolve from an anti-monarchy movement to a horrifying anti-Catholic anarchy mob? And did any of the French bother to research the real truth?

Thank you

FATHER JOE: I would suggest that you find a few good books on the French Revolution. The Church suffered because there had been a close relationship with the monarchy and the nobility. The Church was viewed as complicit.
Jeremy Hong, on June 11, 2024 at 10:02 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe, I would like ask about what are some of the interesting facts about Pope Julius II, the warrior Pope?

Thank you

FATHER JOE: You can ask but I know little about him.
Defensio Catholica, on June 11, 2024 at 10:53 am said:

Hi Father, good evening or morning. I have a question. My friend showed me his rosary and instead of INRI it has 1XX1 above Christ’s head. How come? M

FATHER JOE:

That is an oddity given as we both know the usual abbreviation is INRI for the Latin inscription above the head of Christ. Did you get the crucifix in the United Kingdom or from an Anglican? The rosary as a sacramental is becoming increasingly popular among their high church believers. The substitution of the I-X-X-I (all roman numerals) goes back to the days of Catholic persecution in England. The idea for its use probably originated with the Jesuit priests that clandestinely entered England from neighboring France. The priests would wear what became known as Jesuit rings.

While the design of the rings appears to say IXXI, in truth it was “M” overlaid with an “A” and standing for “Auspice Maria.” It means “Under the protection of Mary.” This was the emblem for the Sulpicians who educated priests in France. Eventually the I-XX-I numerals were separated as a security code to avoid detection. Note that the rendering for the citation employed Latin numerals: IXX (19) and XXI (21). When asked what it meant, the believers would say that it pointed to the Bible, notably the Gospel of John (John 19:21):

So the chief priests of the Jews said to Pilate, “Do not write ‘The King of the Jews,’ but that he said, ‘I am the King of the Jews.’”

The bigotry of the anti-Catholic Protestants would be satisfied because they assumed that “papists” opposed the reading of Scripture.

It has been noticed that certain cheap rosaries, most often produced in places like India will have 1-X-X-1 on the top of the crucifix (mixing contemporary with ancient Roman numerals). My suspicion is that these are modeled on the older IXXI as a template but that the makers, not being Christian, err in their production. Remember that India was once part of the British Empire.
Number 2, on June 9, 2024 at 12:23 am said:

Hello Priest,

Can you answer this logic question regarding the 3 in 1 confusion? If I have unlimited authority and I split it evenly into 3 and give the rest to 2 other people making us 3 even amounts of authority, am I now limiting my amount of authority, making me not the all-powerful?

FATHER JOE: That is not how the Trinity is understood. The one God is not three people but understood as three persons in a single godhead or nature. The Father or first person of the Trinity does not give the others their authority; rather, they all have this infinite authority or perfection by being divine. The “persons” of the Trinity are distinguished by their relation. All are eternal. Catholicism views the Father generating the Son from all eternity and the Father and Son generating the Holy Spirit from all eternity. We are not talking so much about activity as we are identity. The Orthodox churches of the East tend to view the Son and the Holy Spirit both being eternally generated from the Father. There is no limit or contest between the divine persons. Such is a qualification of their real and perfect unity.

As another example, I have a full 6 liter bottle and if I split it evenly into 2 different bottles making 3, is the amount not limited?

FATHER JOE: The analogy is false because the perfections in God are infinite and allow for no diminution except as shared by creatures.

If I have 3 infinite lasting pens writing on a big paper, what is even the point of having three pens if they are all the same, why not just have 1 God as with Islam with no confusing elements.

FATHER JOE: First, the Christian understanding is no challenge against monotheism. We believe there is one God or employing your imagery, one pen. Second, the persons in God can be distinguished by name and relation to one another. A poor argumentation might be to view the one pen as able to write in black, blue and red ink. We might generally associate the Father with creation, the Son with redemption and the Holy Spirit with sanctification; however, these activities come from the same one source which is almighty God. We must be careful with discussions about divine activities because we would not want to define the Trinity by activities as this would constitute the heresy of modalism. We use the names given us by Christ because we have a saving relationship with persons not with activities or things.
Anthony Burgarino, on June 8, 2024 at 4:55 pm said:

Dear Father,

I’ve noticed people of various ages chewing gum during Mass on Sunday, including when they receive Communion. I’ve seen this at different parishes in different cities so I think this is quite common. These people seem to be devout. I think I would offend them if I said anything about it but I was wondering is there anything I should do about it outside of praying for them.

Tony

FATHER JOE: It should be mentioned to the priest and he should make an announcement against the practice. (I should add there is a rare medical condition where some chew gum because of a problem controlling the jaw or mouth.)
Ursuline Vancura, on June 8, 2024 at 5:35 am said:

Dear Father,

Is it a sin to wear lingerie when we do the marital act?

Ursuline

FATHER JOE: Generally there is no sin attached the bed-time clothes. The intimacy of spouses would allow for little that is prudish in the safe confines of the bedroom.
Matthew, on June 8, 2024 at 1:50 am said:

I have encountered several new ads about how Jesus accepts everyone. One of them employs “them/they” pronouns and features what appears to be a biological male dressed as a woman. This grabbed my attention because I am a male, and contently so, but I am also a cross dresser. I love wearing women’s clothes— skirts, blouses, underwear, and other items— in the privacy of my own home. I often feel guilty because I seem to be violating Deuteronomy 22:5: “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God.”

It is my understanding that Jesus died for our sins, and while I admit I am not an expert on the Bible it seems like it makes everything out to be a sin— eating certain foods on certain days, labor on Sundays (which is a part of my job), etc. So, I’m asking— am I offending God by cross dressing? Is it something that has been washed away by our savior? Any insight you have would be much appreciated.

FATHER JOE:

Circumcision has been abrogated in favor of baptism and all foods are made lawful. Even the commandments have been amended as with the new economy of images (due to the incarnation) and the sabbath transition to the Sunday observance (due to the resurrection). However, the commandments of God still retain their binding force regarding our nature and basic right and wrong. While couched in self-justification, your immediate question is simple— is cross dressing a sin?

I know there are voices online that would contest the answer that I will give but it is my educated opinion that cross-dressing is indeed wrong, indicative of some degree of gender dysphoria and/or the seeking of unlawful sexual pleasure. It is true that there are certain forms of work clothes necessary for both men and women. It is also true that the matter is culturally conditioned given the changing styles of clothing. For instance, these days pants may be worn by both genders. But what we are talking about here is distinctly feminine or women’s clothing and underclothing. Other than what is employed in comedy, as with Milton Berle or in film, as with Dustin Hoffman or Robin Williams, the truth is that cross dressing is wrong and tainted as sinful.

The reason you feel guilty is because you are guilty. Deuteronomy 22:5 prohibits such misaligned dress: “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for anyone who does such things is an abomination to the LORD, your God.” While certain rules seem somewhat arbitrary, this prohibition is based upon a properly oriented sexuality and the good of society. Cross dressing is a cause of public scandal. Even those who try to keep it secret frequently find that it is a secret that cannot be kept. There is a problem deeply rooted in human identity. It impacts detrimentally upon the masculinity of the male and the femininity of the female and the accompanying relationships or social interaction.
Brooklyn, on May 30, 2024 at 7:58 pm said:

Hello Father,

I am having an internal quarrel. I’ve learned in school that the Bible states that not participating in intercourse within a marriage is considered adultery.

So that leaves me with the question, is rape technically allowed (within the bounds of saving each other’s souls from eternal damnation given that adultery is a sin)? Please try and answer promptly Father. Amen.

Brooklyn

FATHER JOE:

Where do you go to school and who told you that refraining from intercourse in marriage constitutes the sin of adultery? I am curious because it is a damnable lie.

The Church speaks of intercourse or “the marital act” as a duty of the spouses that promotes fidelity, oneness, and fruitfulness. It is an act that belongs exclusively to the nuptial bond or the sacrament of marriage. Indeed, it is the act that physically consummates a union. However, the Church offers no specificity as to how often it should be pursued. That is a matter between the spouses. Some couples have difficulty in regular engagement due to health or advanced age. The Lord understands this and no wrong is committed.

Arguing that marriages without intercourse are adulterous unions would condemn Joseph and Mary in the Holy Family and that is ludicrous. Indeed, even today there are a few couples who mutually agree to live similar marriages and pledge themselves to a chaste and celibate love for the sake of the kingdom. However, such is considered extraordinary and is generally not recommended given the passions and the weakness of the flesh. It requires special graces from God.

Is it a sin for a spouse to capriciously deny the marital act to the other who desires and has a right to the joining not “one flesh”? Yes, given that marriage ordinarily implies a carnal or material love that is open to children. That is why it is called a duty and privilege of spouses. If sexual relations are withheld as a form of punishment or manipulation, then the sin can be quite serious. However, it cannot be immediately identified with adultery. Adultery is infidelity with another person who is not the spouse. Withholding relations can be a factor that leads to adultery in that a spouse might wrongly seek outside the home the satisfaction that is denied him or her. Other contributing factors can also lead to adulterous acts, like pornography and workplace flirtation.

I am aghast that anyone would seek to justify rape as it is not an act of love but essentially one of violence. It is the antithesis of the surrender and cooperation that should exist between spouses. Rape is always and everywhere a grievous mortal sin for the perpetrator. The target of the assault may feel guilty but is the innocent victim. Assaults of this sort always leave a lasting trauma.
Aswin Balachandra Nair, on May 27, 2024 at 8:30 am said:

Father, I am Aswin. I am not a christian.since past few years, I am getting defamed because of various malicious lies spread about me. I am suffering heavily because of this problem.I want to get rid of this suffering. I request you to help me

FATHER JOE: There is no magic that takes away the hurt inflicted by others. Seek to correct deception with truth and try to find peace in God. I will pray for you.
Lisa, on May 26, 2024 at 6:31 pm said:

Hello! I just came back from confession. My penance is to (I think he worded it this way. I’m not sure now) at my next Mass offer my intentions for my children. I left thinking, tomorrow when I go to Noon Mass, I will make sure to offer my prays for my children. But, then the more I thought about it, the more I thought he might have meant, make a donation and have the Priest announce the Mass was for (insert children’s names. I have 4 children and all have different last names) so that didn’t seem right either. This Priest by the way was filling in for our parish Priest or I simply would have emailed him to clarify. This is my penance so I don’t want my confession to be invalid for doing the wrong thing. Please help! Thank you!

FATHER JOE: I am pretty sure the priest merely wanted you to make a private prayer intention for your children at the next Mass you attend. I rarely or ever give such penances as it is best to be accomplished with dispatch immediately after confession. A list of prayers still seems to work best.
Jeremy, on May 20, 2024 at 4:06 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe, I would like ask what are the Baltic Crusades all about?

Thank you

FATHER JOE:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_Crusades
Logan Byron, on May 12, 2024 at 11:42 pm said:

Yo wsg your holiness, so me and my good friend are having a debate about the afterlife status of goats. My good chum believes that they go directly to Hell because of Matthew 21:31-33, where it talks about sheeps going to Heaven and goats going to Hell. I personally believe this to be a metaphor for the sinners of the world as goats and the non-sinners as the sheep, for I am aware that the Bible is not always to be taken at face value, and one must search between the lines for the true meaning. This debate has me rather concerned, for I thoroughly enjoy goats (the animal) and wish them a peaceful afterlife. I would greatly enjoy if you could respond with a concise answer so we may put this debate to rest.

With appreciation, Logan

FATHER JOE: The issue of an afterlife for animals aside, the reference to goats and sheep is in regard to evil and good human beings.
Clubschadenfreude, on May 12, 2024 at 7:07 am said:

WWII was all about religion. Hitler hated the Jews thanks to your religion. The Japanese thinking their gods wanted them to be ruling the world.

FATHER JOE: While prejudice in the Church is real, every Christian should be regarded as a spiritual Semite. Hitler never practiced the Christian faith. Indeed, he planned to destroy the Church and replace it with his own religion. Hitler bought into the old prejudices and especially into the heightened antisemitism that proliferated after the First World War. Many Germans felt that they had lost the war because of betrayal by the Jews and communists. This scapegoating bred terrible resentment that Hitler turned into a program for the wholesale extermination of the Jewish people. Hitler was likely a pantheist who deified nature, but he was not a true theist. He did not believe in a personal God or the Trinity or an afterlife or salvation. He might remodel Jesus the Jew as an Arryan, a ridiculous notion, but rejected him as God’s Son or as the Savior. The crux of the dilemma with the Japanese was their emperor worship. While the Japanese did suffer from a sense of ethnic superiority, as did the Germans, a factor in the attack upon Pearl Harbor was the U.S. blockage of sea lanes to acquire rubber and other raw materials.
gabby, on May 11, 2024 at 5:51 pm said:

if god loves his children, why can’t he do something to stop the mass genocide all over the world?

FATHER JOE: We should not fault God for our own hardness of hearts.
Laila, on May 5, 2024 at 11:38 am said:

Hello father.

I feel like I’m jealous at a priest. When he talk to other people. I hate it. And I’m getting anxious. It’s taking my mood from me. And my relationship with God is also getting worse. I can’t change parish or anything.

FATHER JOE: You should concentrate more on the Lord and less upon this priest.
Caïrro, on April 24, 2024 at 7:13 am said:

If someone had taken roughly 13,500 milligrams of acetaminophen with the intention of ending their life, but went to confession before (if) they died of it out of regret would it be able to be forgiven?

FATHER JOE: If they were really sorry then they would seek to puke it out and race to the hospital. One should not try to play games with God and eternal life.
Therese, on April 22, 2024 at 11:38 pm said:

i just saw a youtube video which said a famous conjoined twins sisters …one of them got married…but since they are conjoined they have one set of sex organs. What is the Catholic Church stance on this? If they were Catholic would they be able to marry? I feel empathy…its not their fault they are conjoined but my instinct would be they could not be married since they can’t be separated and with a man…that would be like polygamy..and their sex organ is same for both…I could imagine could cause akwardness for the unmarried twin and mental anguish I would think.

FATHER JOE: I know of the girls and I would have also recommended celibacy.