Ask a Priest

5,417 Responses

Heather Bell, on April 17, 2024 at 5:52 pm said:

in the garden GOD gave the care of the animals to Adam. If we don’t do what we were in-trusted with thats on us not GOD. If HE made it impossible to mistreat animals (and other humans) we would have no free will and thus would be mindless zombies, not humans. Don’t blame GOD for your shortcomings.
Noah, on April 15, 2024 at 8:19 pm said:

Noah asks:

Hello! I was wondering about the mortal sin of hurting others. Is it grave matter to hurt someone even if they don’t sustain serious injuries? Thanks!

Father Joe responds:

Much depends upon what you mean by hurting others and the intention. You can say the wrong thing and through no ill-will cause pain to another. Deliberately seeking violence (particularly as vengeance) against others violates the commandment against killing. This should be understood as murder. Often sins against the persons of others might be mortal, but not always. For instance, while certain popes looked negatively upon amateur boxing (like Pope Pius XII), others were favorable toward it (as with Pope John Paul II who was a fan). Similarly, one has a right to self-defense and to fight for one’s country to restore peace and freedom.
Al Tritt, on April 9, 2024 at 6:47 am said:

Al Tritt states:

Father, I asked you a question about why God was not taking care of the animals on the planet— that people do such horrible things to them. You told me to look at what people do, and it is not God doing it. Well, I thought God was supposed to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves. I know that it is people who do those things. That’s why God should take care of them. Your answer is a cop out. I guess I was right, that God just doesn’t care if he is even there.

Father Joe responds:

I essentially answered this query back in early December of last year. You wrote: “There is NO god” and chastised a priest on YouTube, saying, “He didn’t have the guts to answer me.” My response was as follows: “What priest on YouTube? If you want to see how much God cares, note that he makes himself at Christmas into a vulnerable child. That vulnerability will be proven 33 years later on the Cross. Ours is a God in solidarity with us. He comes to save us. You weep for cats and dogs. I lament children destroyed in the womb and every one of them a reflection of the Christ Child.”

God made us the stewards of creation. The harmony lost through sin impacts upon the entire world, introducing suffering, sin, and death. It may be bad for the animal kingdom, but it is worse for humanity. Who told you that it was God’s job to take care of the animals or those who cannot take care of themselves? Such a Pollyanna view of the world is false. We live in a deeply wounded world where the innocent suffer and sometimes the guilty flourish. There will come a reckoning and judgment, but no utopia is possible outside the fullness of Christ’s kingdom. The blame is not God’s but ours. But if we refuse to take care of ourselves and our children, then why should we be surprised by violence against animals?
Heather Bell, on April 8, 2024 at 5:10 pm said:

I am allergic to Lillies. Everyone (church) seems to be loaded with them so I gave a whole (Easter) season I am not able to go to mass. Do I have any options? Benedryl is not a solution.

FATHER JOE: See a doctor and take treatment to desensitize you.
maya, on April 6, 2024 at 7:24 pm said:

Hello Father,

I am a 15-year-old female who recently converted to Catholicism. My parents are strict Muslims and do not support the idea of any other religion. Is it a sin to be a Catholic in secret when I am around them? I have told my close friends and those who ask. I plan on telling my parents after I move out for college. But in the meantime, is it wrong to keep it a secret? Thank you.

Maya

RESPONSE:

Dear Maya,

Given that I do not know where you live, my answer is qualified. Are you fully initiated into the Catholic Church? Ordinarily a priest would not baptize, confirm, and give first Communion to a minor or teenager with parental consent. As a rule, such matters should not be withheld from the immediate family. However, I am aware that there are some countries and communities where such conversion is illegal and that your life could be placed in jeopardy. If such is the case, then I would recommend discretion. There would be no sin in such secrecy. But there is an evangelistic element of the faith that cannot be forever denied.

Father Joe
Hannah, on April 6, 2024 at 4:45 pm said:

Dear Father,

Someone told me that they had sex outside of marriage, and shortly afterwards they started suffering sleep paralysis and seeing demons. The person prayed to Jesus for the demon to go away and the demonic encounters stopped. Given that this couple continues to live together, why would Jesus chase a demon away? Does this not encourage the couple to keep sinning?

Hannah

RESPONSE:

Dear Hannah,

I cannot say for sure there was a supernatural experience or just a reaction to the trauma or guilt of sin. And even if there was, we cannot know for sure that Jesus was the agency that warded off the demonic. Indeed, if there is no repentance and change of life, it may be the devil is hiding to ensure that the couple will remain in a state of mortal sin.

Father Joe
Jennifer Hutchinson, on March 31, 2024 at 1:14 pm said:

Hello Father,

I recently went to confession, to the same priest to whom I always go, since I am scrupulous. I confessed all my current sins and then mentioned that I had some past sins to confess. The priest stopped me and reminded me that one only needed to go back if:

A. You are certain those things were mortal sins.

B. You are certain you never confessed them.

Taking his advice, I confessed things from the past on my list. One of the sins, however, had to do with a “possible” sin in thought from three or four years ago. Next to this potential sin on my list, I wrote “unsure” with question marks. Due to his advice, I made the decision not to mention this unsure sin. After leaving the confessional, my scruples started working overtime. I am worried that I invalidated the confession. Does it sound like I am overthinking this? I believe I was just trying to follow his advice in only going back over “certain” mortal sins that were never confessed.

Jennifer

RESPONSE:

Dear Jennifer,

First, I would concur with what the priest told you about past sins, especially given your problem with scrupulosity. This is no small matter because while it can signify serious mental and emotional problems, it can also be sinful in that it destroys the blessed hope and joy that belongs to God’s children. It is also a sin of deep deception since it masquerades as piety when in truth it undermines the effectiveness of the sacrament and the divine power that forgives sins.

Second, those who are scrupulous rarely miss confessing any mortal sins. But they do have a hard time distinguishing mortal from venial sins. The latter do not necessarily need to be brought to confession.

Third, can you be taken seriously when saying that you suddenly remembered unconfessed mortal sins from three or four years ago? They were likely confessed or, given that they were mental trespasses, were wholly imagined. Do not get me wrong, sins from one’s so-called “past life” serve a purpose, especially if one has been estranged from the faith and is seeking a new start. But that is not your situation.

Fourth, while the matter of mortal sins is fixed, the subjective element is not. I suspect that your “possible” mortal sins are either venial or no sins at all. Serious sin by its nature must be certain or it is not mortal. One cannot accidentally break off a relationship with God. It must be informed and reflect full consent. Your uncertain sins do not reach this level. You are torturing yourself needlessly. Stop it!

Your confession was good, but you are seeking to invalidate it, not God. You do not trust the power of the priest’s absolution or the mercy of Jesus. Why do you even go to confession if you reject the efficacy of the sacrament?

I do not know you personally and so cannot speak to the depth of your problem. But if there is a need, please do not hesitate to seek out psychological counseling.

Father Joe
Samu R, on March 29, 2024 at 12:50 am said:

Peace be with you father i am 19 years old and i used to have faith in god but lost it but i started to find faith again. will god still accept me? because i was sinnfull douring those times i didn have faith in god.

may god bless you

Samu

FATHER JOE: As long as you have life you can come back to God. But it is dangerous to wait.
Samu R, on March 29, 2024 at 12:23 am said:

Peace be with you father,

I am a 19 year old man who had a difficult time beliving in got. will god forgive me for that because i just found back to faith and realized that this religion is so beautiful

god bless you

Samu R

FATHER JOE: Yes, God will forgive you. Do not delay coming back to him.
Shay, on March 28, 2024 at 10:50 pm said:

My family is Catholic, but they do not believe much. They mock God and holy Mary. When I started studying the Bible and taking about my faith, they mocked me and called it “stupid.” I started to veil for God, but they called me a “show off.” I really did not need this. They have always been like this. What should I do? Should I slowly cut contact?

FATHER JOE: How old are you? Do you live in a separate household? Do not worry about their negative reaction— just pray for them. Study the Scriptures, say your prayers, go to Mass and do good for others. Do not worry about what others say. Wearing a veil or not at church is your business.
Susanna Morey, on March 22, 2024 at 6:51 pm said:

can Catholics use Gua Sha stone for facial massage as part of skincare routine? Its a method of traditional Chinese medicine and i want to use it for massage, not “spiritual reasons”, but I’m wondering if it’s just inherently sinful for Catholics to use

FATHER JOE: I know nothing about it and have no opinion.
Hannah, on March 18, 2024 at 9:16 pm said:

If a person who was baptized Catholic decides they’re not Catholic anymore and has a wedding outside the Church, why is this marriage considered invalid, while a marriage between two protestants in a non-Catholic church can be considered valid?

FATHER JOE: The principle is simple, Catholic baptism marks us for Christ and makes us a member of the Church. Given the reality of defection and sin, this does not insure salvation because faith can sour. But a person cannot be re-baptized. It is a one time sacrament. You may become a bad Catholic, but in the eyes of the Church and God, you will always be a Catholic. It is irrevocable. As a Catholic you remain under our laws. While those who were baptized as Protestants are not. They might be received into the Church, but even they would not be re-baptized. Protestants and the unbaptized are not under our laws. The Church stipulates that a Catholic must be married before a priest or a deacon with two witnesses.
Victoria, on March 16, 2024 at 8:07 am said:

My employer is working me to death while my co-workers do the minimum work. There are cameras in our office so my employer can’t not know what is going on. I have spoken to my employer before on several occasions about my co-worker always having to take family responsibility leave when we go through a busy period and then I have to do her work as well and I can’t cope with the amount of work. After another week of this, I couldn’t take it anymore yesterday and lied about not feeling well so that I can go home. I was crying in the bathroom and felt like I was about to have a breakdown, but I lied and said I am nauseous to go home. This will come from my annual leave. Did I commit a mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: Sounds like the situation has made you emotionally sick. Thus did you really lie? If not, where is the sin?
Esther Adam, on March 12, 2024 at 4:46 pm said:

Father, I hope you can answer this for me. My understanding is that suffering is the result of sin.

Please explain to me how the blessed mother suffered for example when she saw her son being criticized etc. I’m trying to grasp the difference Between her suffering and say mine.

There has to be a difference. It seems like a contradiction. I would really like to see where I’m not thinking correctly on how the blessed mother could suffer when she was conceived without sin.

Thank you so much,
Esther Adam eeadam1944@yahoo.com

FATHER JOE: Christ was sinless and yet he took upon himself the sins of the world and offered atonement on the Cross. He placed himself in solidarity with fallen humanity by suffering his passion and crucifixion. Because he did not deserve to die, and because he was a divine Person, who could offer perfect satisfaction for the dishonor shown God by sin. The Blessed Mother cooperates with her Son. Given that she is preserved from sin, she offers her Son on the hill of Calvary for all those who would be her spiritual children. Mary suffers not for any sin of her own but for the sins of her spiritual children. Jesus gives her to us, saying to John, “Behold your Mother.” The Mother of the Redeemer becomes the Mother of all the redeemed.
Lee, on March 12, 2024 at 4:01 am said:

My husband is 63 is impotent after prostate cancer treatment. Are we permitted sexual touch or is this masturbation and morally wrong?

FATHER JOE: The life of intimacy between spouses is not a perfect science. Aging makes things more difficult and there may come a time when aging and illness will make the marital act difficult or impossible. Forgive each other. Remember that your union and friendship is deeper than sexual passion. Praying for you.
Laura, on March 10, 2024 at 2:07 pm said:

Is it correct to raise our hand during the Our Father at Mass- I’ve heard only the priest- I raise my hand and sometimes hold hands with my son.. is that appropriate? Thanks Laura

FATHER JOE: The missal says nothing about the congregation’s placement of arms and hands during the Lord’s Prayer. Some authorities are critical of the laity mimicking the priestly gestures of the celebrant. There is no directive against holding hands.
Carol, on March 6, 2024 at 3:08 am said:

Hi Fr Joe. I had a couple of questions on confession.
First, if I have questions, when is the best time to ask them when in the confessional?

I left the church for about 20 years and returned, had confession but had forgotten many sins. After 10 years I had confession with a priest who offered questions that were sins related to the commandments where I had to only respond with a yes or no They were very comprehensive and covered sins if past and present.
Recently I’ve started recalling sins from my youth and the time I was away from the church. My question is, have these been absolved through past confessions or do I need to confess them when I recall them?
Thank you Father for your guidance.

Carol

FATHER JOE: The sins that were forgotten were also forgiven. Be at peace.
Joe, on March 4, 2024 at 4:07 am said:

What does “species” of sin mean

FATHER JOE: Sins are either venial or mortal. Venial sin does not separate us from God but wounds the relationship. Mortal sin is grievous in matter and damning.
Joe, on March 4, 2024 at 3:43 am said:

When I go to confession how much detail must i say? Is there another way to say that
thought of impure thoughts in church? Or can I just say I thought of impure thoughts?
Is there another way to say that I bathed with a female or can I just say that I did impure things with one?
-Do I have to say I hit a female or can I say I hit a person?
-Do I have to mention I filmed myself having sex or can I just say I had sex.

FATHER JOE: You should not get caught up with needless details. The priest has no interest in all the lurid elements. However, some details speak to the gravity of sin. If you are having impure thoughts in church, then you are also being neglectful of the mystery of the Eucharist. Bathing with a female is likely related to various sexual sins. A man hitting a woman is regarded as more grievous than one man striking another. Having sex outside marriage is a sin. Filming the sex act is another sin as it is equated to creating pornography. The confessor might also withhold absolution until you give assurance that the recording has been destroyed. A recording of this sort could destroy reputations and be used to manipulate others. Do not play games with the priest.
Craig, on March 2, 2024 at 7:41 am said:

Hello Father, I would like to know if it would be alright to leave my toddler son’s disposable diaper on for his Baptism?

My 2nd question is would it be appropriate to dress my 2 year old son in a shirt, shoes and a diaper for Mass services? Thank you

FATHER JOE: A diaper is minimal but children should be dressed appropriately for Mass and other sacraments.
Sjenny Balaam, on February 27, 2024 at 6:02 am said:

Hi Father Joe,
If an unbaptised non-Christian punches a Bishop or desecrates a Eucharist, would this individual need absolution from the Apostolic Penitentiary prior to converting to Catholicism?

FATHER JOE: A non-Catholic cannot be excommunicated. There is no censure to remove. Of course, he might go to jail and if he dies without contrition, he will spend eternity in hell.
jbarajas9fdfc540c8, on February 27, 2024 at 2:36 am said:

If I’m invited to a party & I simply don’t want to go, what would I tell someone if they confront me & ask why I didn’t go to their party? Do I tell them the truth & say I just didn’t want to go, I didn’t feel like going? I mean, I’m being honest. It’s not like I had other plans with a friend or was sick. I simply didn’t want to go and wanted to spend my day doing something else. What do I say?

FATHER JOE: I do not micro-manage the lives of others. If you do not want to go, simply say so and get on with things. What is the problem?
Hannah, on February 25, 2024 at 1:48 am said:

Is it a sin to break your lenten promise of giving up a certain food?

FATHER JOE: Breaking a promise to God is always a sin, even if only venial.
Kamal, on February 18, 2024 at 4:07 pm said:

I went to confession the other day and I asked my priest if I could re-confess old sins.

He said I could re-confess those sins I confessed to another priest than him. I was so nervous I re-confessed every sin, even the ones I previously told him. Did I invalidate my confession? Did I commit a sin before God because I failed to obey my priest? I did not mean to do wrong, I just got confused.

FATHER JOE: While I cannot say why the priest would want to hear the sins confessed to others, you did not invalidate your confession. Generally, once a sin is forgiven, the penitent should cast it off. What did you see as the purpose of confessing sins that were previously absolved? Do you believe in the efficacy of the sacrament?
Stacie Rusk, on February 16, 2024 at 8:03 pm said:

Hi Father,
I screwed up. I was at mass and noticed that one of my fake nails had come off. It was very distracting. I kept trying to ignore it but during the sermon I picked some of the other ones off (I quit when he stopped talking). I know every word he said during the sermon. I really was listening. But I read that willful distraction during mass is a sin, and I received communion. Did I commit a sacrilege? I’m so upset with myself. I said an act if contrition and will sleep without my pillow tonight in penance. But do I need to get to confession posthaste?

FATHER JOE: What you did was silly but probably not sinful.