Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

maggie, on August 30, 2013 at 6:56 am said:

Hello, Father: I have searched everywhere on the web and can’t find the answer to my question/concern, although I think I know the answer already. I am looking for legitimate, accurate ‘Catholic’ confirmation: The recently assigned priest at our parish celebrates the Mass from the first pew, among the congregation. He is in the sanctuary / at the altar only for the reading of the Gospel (from the lectern) and for the Eucharistic prayer and consecration. Everything else he does from either the front pew of the congregation or from the aisle right outside of his pew. In addition, during the Consecration, as he speaks the words of Consecration, he is holding up (elevating) the bread and the cup and ‘showing’ them to the left and right, etc., to everyone. There is no pause at all, anywhere in there, to adore the body & blood of Our Lord; it’s all just very business-like and over with very quickly. Are either or both of these liturgical actions licit (I’ve never seen them before other than back in the day i.e. 70′s & 80′s – when there was a lot of ‘free-form’ presiding at Mass) or is this more craziness hiding under the appearance of being hip or modern? Thank you for your response. God bless / Maggie

FATHER JOE:

There was a faulty theology that even infected the earlier ICEL translation and the so-called experts who did not want to make a distinction between the offering of the priest and that of the people. The offensive American footnote has been removed and the translation has been corrected: “Pray, brethren, that my sacrifice and yours may be acceptable to God, the almighty Father.”

This priest of yours wants to emphasize his unity with the congregation; however, he may be impugning the unique role of the priest at the Eucharist. The celebrant’s chair has important symbolic meaning and he has discarded it. The priest should not leave the altar until the time comes for the distribution of Holy Communion. Except for rare instances (maybe at funerals), this also includes at the sign of peace.

I can also recall from decades ago a practice where some priests showed the sacrament by turning from left to right. This was quite common in churches that were built in the round. The rubrics simply state: “He shows the consecrated host to the people, places it again on the paten and genuflects in adoration.” / “He shows the chalice to the people, places it on the corporal, and genuflects in adoration.” (The priest will sometimes bless people with the Eucharist in a monstrance by elevating it and then making the sign of the cross from left to right.)

It is forbidden to consecrate the bread and wine simultaneously, as it would imply altering the approved text and rubrics. I take it that he is not doing that. That would render the Eucharist invalid.

If I were you, I would approach the priest about his actions. Is he the pastor? If not, then the pastor should be told. If there is no satisfaction from these efforts then you might go to the bishop. Please feel free to email me at frjoe2000@yahoo.com. The Mass as you describe it would still be valid. But if he is also changing words, this might no longer be the case.
Ariel, on August 30, 2013 at 5:55 am said:

Father,

There is something that I seem to always have trouble with and that is fraternal correction. I’ve read that in order for us to correct someone there are certain criteria:

1. The fault must be grievous;
2. The correction is likely to be heeded; and
3. There is no special harm that will result (they won’t be worse off).

I’ve also read from the Catholic Encyclopedia two other criteria including that the person at fault will not provide for themselves or someone else might not admonish them instead. What knowledge do you have on these criteria?

FATHER JOE:

What is the source for your three criteria? It seems to me that there are many elements involved. A fault might be serious but one must also measure the effect upon others. Even if not heeded, the Scriptures relate an escalating effort at correction (see Matthew 18: 15-17).

“If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.”

One’s state of life is important. A parent has a special jurisdiction over offspring, as might siblings to each other; brother priests and a bishop have a certain say over the conduct of one another; a friend or co-worker may have a status that makes correction more appropriate and the subject more responsive. Correction also becomes crucial if others would be led into sin by bad example. Indeed, this might even force “public” correction because of the peril to souls. Thus, not all the various criteria would have to be satisfied, just one element. In the case of a priest, if his misconduct is private, he may be reprimanded or censured in private. However, once he takes his case to the media or makes his dissent public, then there is the obligation to let others know that he is no longer in good standing. This applies both to liberal and traditionalist figures. Of course, we should make sure that the counsel or correction is itself just and reflective of the truth. I should add that there is also the matter of prudence. We can recommend in a general way how people should behave but must be more careful in any intervention over people’s personal lives, as with a husband and wife and the privacy of the home. We can intrude where it is not our business to do so.

Also, I seem to always meet problems with this on matters of detraction. In other words, I find it difficult to distinguish how and when I should admonish somebody who is speaking poorly about another who is not present.

FATHER JOE: Detraction often reflects a mean-spirited attitude. The intent is to cause harm or to belittle another’s reputation. Critics of wayward priests are often accused as such and yet silence would reflect a neglect of our commission from Christ. Fr. Corapi has since disappeared from sight, and yet many were rightly critical of his continuing to teach and to scapegoat the Church after being removed from ministry. He has since done the right thing by taking his videos and books out of circulation. Fr. Cutie joined the Episcopal church and continues to voice his dissent against celibacy in the Church from which he defected. Some would argue that no one can criticize a priest for anything. This is false. Why? Again, it has to do with the good of souls. When dissenters attack the Magisterium or make the Catholic Church out to be the bad guy, there is an obligation to respond. Silence in such cases could even be sinful. No one is holier than the Church. Personality cults are very dangerous, especially when priests feel they are above the Church and no longer have to abide by their promises of poverty, obedience and celibacy.

I had an encounter with this recently. I had asked my friend in the past if they could help me to avoid gossip, in hopes that it would stop them from gossiping to me. She asked later about it frustrated because she felt she couldn’t even discuss her problems with me, and I tried to clarify the difference between venting and gossip for gossip’s sake. I don’t know if what I said wasn’t clear, but the last time I was with my friend, she continued to speak badly about others to me.

FATHER JOE: You could try sharing positive things about others. Maybe she would eventually appreciate the difference?

In more than one instance, the material they shared was pretty serious (I think). I didn’t feel my friend had the intention of doing any harm to the other’s reputation, so I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Are we only required to admonish when we sense that the detraction is being done maliciously and not just from a loose-tongue?

FATHER JOE: I usually just shake my head and say that I really do not want to hear it. However, given that much of the gossip that floats around might be about me, I may not be privy to the worse of it.

I did not end up telling my friend that I would rather not talk about that person, but I tried to defend the person being discussed more subtly by saying things like, “Maybe that’s how that person copes with their problems,” which ended that particular period of discussion about the person (though the same person came up again later). I didn’t feel I did enough, so I confessed it. Now I’m wondering if I should press the issue further with my friend, or just do something differently the next time it happens. Or if I should even do anything at all! My friend is not Catholic nor does she follow a particular religion.

FATHER JOE: I find that negative gossip usually means that the source really does not like the targeted person. Again, I just say, “I really do not want to hear this,” or “to be a part of this.” Another point is do you need to know this? If so, negative information may be valuable. For instance, you might not want to hear that so-and-so drinks. However, if she is a volunteer regularly carpooling children from school, it may be a real cause for alarm that needs discussion and action.

Any advice you can offer on the matter would be greatly appreciated. This is something that comes up over and over again, and I’m certain if this is me refusing to be bold in admonishing others lovingly, or if this is me looking too much into it and being scrupulous. Thanks so much, Father. God bless.
Levi, on August 29, 2013 at 6:13 am said:

Why to you is the Christian God right and other gods wrong?

FATHER JOE:

First, I have been given the precious gift of supernatural faith in one God as a Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We can speak of this as the same God of the Jews, albeit theirs is a natural faith since they do not accept that Jesus is the Son of God and the second Person of the Trinity.

Second, if one defines God as omnipotent, infinite, omniscient, all good, indeed, the “esse” or “to be” from which all created things receive existence… then logically speaking there can only be one deity. It would be a contradiction in terms to posit such traits in more than one source.

Third, the Catholic Church worships the same God of fellow Christians in Protestant denominations and as the Orthodox.

Fourth, along with the Jews, Moslems also acknowledge one God and view Abraham as their great patriarch and father. Christians view him as our father in faith. The Buddhists don’t really speak of a deity as such. Hindus are usually regarded as polytheists, but increasing numbers of them are postulating that these so-called deities may be manifestations of one God. We will have to wait and see how their thinking about this evolves.

[Along with Catholic Christianity, Judaism is regarded as true religion. The Hebrew Scriptures are our Old Testament. Their patriarchs, prophets, lawgivers and kings are also ours. Salvation comes through the Jews. Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah and our Savior. Our Lord fulfills the covenant in his own flesh and blood; but God does not forget his promises. His people are still his people. But Catholics also view themselves as the People of God, the new Zion or Israel.]

Fifth, demons are not true deities and we will not worship Satan. They are spiritual creatures which might feign divinity while they are actually in enmity with their Creator. They do not love us. They hate us. God loves us.

Sixth, the question should really target religion more than God. God is an objective reality, not open to subjective redefinition. Religious relativism surrenders the truth and thus says nothing of value. Jesus has revealed to us the face of the Father. Ours is a God of love and mercy. Why would I want to trade that for something less and unreal?

What other gods are you actually speaking about? Would you worship the pagan Zeus?
Matthew Woodbury, on August 28, 2013 at 10:16 pm said:

Your considered opinion of the following message given to Maria Divine Mercy?

FATHER JOE: I deleted your link. It is a spiritual deception and not from God or the Blessed Mother. Stay with the Church and not with those who exploit purported private revelation against the Holy See. Discern the spirits and remain true to the Church and her living Magisterium. The seer suggests that the Church leadership will be usurped by our enemies, essentially the same garbage as circulated by the late Veronica Lueken in Bayside, NY. This anonymous woman argues that the Church will change the deposit of faith and put into place false or even satanic sacraments. It is also loaded with the recycled warnings against conspiracies and freemasons. I also noticed that the website sells books, probably a lucrative business preying upon gullible people of faith. Whoever is behind it certainly knows the religious jargon and the pious buttons to push. The fake name lends the source a great deal of protection but none for the believer. Our Lady would have a seer witness by his or her true name, thus insuring the testimony was truly by the quality of discipleship and sacrifices made for the Gospel. Lucia entering the convent was a tremendous support for Fatima. While exploiting Catholic elements, it has all the markings of a would-be cult or scam.
ranny, on August 28, 2013 at 2:11 am said:

Hi Father, is it a sin for a Catholic wife to wear sexy lingerie during the foreplay/prelude to the marital act with her Catholic husband in the privacy of their bedroom?

FATHER JOE: What a wife wears or does not wear is between her and her husband. The main thing is that she is always loved as a precious person of value and dignity. The same goes for her affection toward her husband. The Church would respect their privacy.
Ericka Delmont, on August 28, 2013 at 1:56 am said:

How do we know we are on the right path that God wants us to be? In today’s economy I have gone to school, been laid off, gone back school, been unable to find a job after school, been laid off again and now am trying the school route again and frankly I am terrified. It seems like everything I try doesn’t work. I am thinking I am missing God’s message somewhere and the reason I keep failing is because I am not following His path he has for me. But how do we figure our path out? I feel like I am shooting in the dark. What can I do to get on the right track? I don’t expect Him to come down and tell me directly, because we both know that isn’t really His style….so what can I do? I pray all the time for guidance and I don’t feel like I connect or maybe I am too stupid to hear Him or miss it somehow. I am just afraid I will go through all this schooling again and fail. I am just trying to get a halfway decent job. What do you think?

FATHER JOE: We hope that education and hard work will pay off. But while we can know great joy, this is also a veil of tears. Every life will know disappointment, suffering, sickness and death. God does not promise us perfect happiness in this world, only the next. Even if you discover God’s will for you, and here I am thinking more about your state of life or vocation than a job, there is no guarantee that you will know earthly success. Jesus, himself, was counted by those who dismissed him, as a failed prophet. But, of course, his death redeemed us. We may know failure after failure. God does not demand that we be successful— only faithful. I will pray for you. Peace!
Diana, on August 26, 2013 at 11:01 pm said:

I plan on going on a camping trip out in the wilderness this weekend with my family. They plan on camping saturday and Sunday night, so I would have to miss Mass since there are no churches nearby. My question is, would this be a mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: If it is truly impossible to go to Mass then the obligation is mitigated. I would recommend taking a missal or bible so that you can read the Sunday Scriptures.
Agnes, on August 26, 2013 at 10:42 am said:

Hello,

There are different translations of 1 Corinthians 6:9.

It is clear in the Russian Bible, through the interpretation of the fathers of the Orthodox Church that neither homosexuals nor people who masturbate go to heaven.

But there is nothing written about it in the German Bible of Luther.

But it is clear in the German Catholic Bible that lust is a sin.

Why did God not make it clear in the Bible that masturbation is a sin? Is it not important that everyone, at any age, should be able to inform himself about such important points? Why is the Bible written like this, needing the interpretations of knowledgeable men? Does this not make it impossible to prove to others (like Protestants) that masturbation is a sin? Can you help me to prove it? What does the original Bible say word by word? If there is anything written about here about lust, is it not logical that this means masturbation, too?

“Have you not knowledge that evil-doers will have no part in the kingdom of God? Have no false ideas about this: no one who goes after the desires of the flesh, or gives worship to images, or is untrue when married, or is less than a man, or makes a wrong use of men…”

I used an online German-English Bible. But in the German version of the dual translation there is nothing about “desires of the flesh.”

Should it not be God’s desire to make things clear?

FATHER JOE:

The New American Catholic translates 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 as follows: “Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.” The translation “desires of the flesh” for “fornicators” is very weak. The issue here is not an intentional or mental sin but one of commission. Fornicators have sex outside of marriage. While the text does not directly address masturbation; one might infer that self-abuse cannot be substituted for the marital act.

Read further, Paul is arguing with those who thing that all sexual conduct is lawful. He states: (verse 13) “The body, however, is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body.” He also writes: (verses 18-20) “Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” Masturbation would be viewed as a sin against the body. It is not explicitly mentioned because some of the Corinthians were involved with far worse acts, like prostitution and homosexual acts against boys.

Traditionally, the sin of masturbation was known as Onanism after Onan who spilt his seed instead of trying to raise up an heir for his dead brother (see Genesis 38:9-10).

Matthew 5:28-29 – Our Lord uses Hebraic hyperbole (cutting off body parts) to stress the sinfulness of adultery in the heart or looking at a woman lustfully.

Ephesians 5:3 – There should be no hint of impurity among God’s people.
1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 – The apostle speaks about avoiding sexual immorality and controlling the body for the sake of holiness.

Romans 6:13 – The parts of our body were not made for sin but for holiness.

1 Peter 4:1-2 – We should not be governed by our passions but by the divine will.
Carter, on August 26, 2013 at 3:46 am said:

Is it possibile to ask The Lord to forgive someone else?

FATHER JOE: Yes, but such a prayer includes asking that God’s grace might grant one the proper disposition of a contrite heart.
Grace, on August 24, 2013 at 1:35 am said:

This about Zena’s marriage problems and of young hopes being dashed. Zena, you’re in a lot of pain. As long as we keep that pain within us, nurture it even, through constant playbacks, it will not diminish but will gain a life of its own and finally cloud over everything else, even the little good thats left of our life. Use that pain, Zena. Use your pain to help others. It’s not good for you to remain isolated from others. If your husband’s family is no longer reaching out to you for whatever reasons, then it is time you reached out to others. Don’t always wait for love from others. These are hard times. People don’t have much money, much less love to spare. But you don’t need to walk the same selfish path. Whatever little you have, share it with others. If you have a little money, share it. If you have a little time, share it.
If you say you can’t go out and help others, get involved charity work etc – well, you could always pray for others in your own home. You don’t need structured prayers. I would strongly recommend the Rosary but even the simplest prayer said for suffering others has great worth in the eyes of God.
Don’t be weak and seek refuge in the old cop-out – Why should I pray for others when my own needs have not been met? I give you St Francis of Assisi – it is in giving that we receive.

God bless you, dearest Zena, with the strength to reach out to others in pain because you’ve been there too.
Father Joe, on August 22, 2013 at 3:45 pm said:

Karla,

The question we have to ask ourselves is whether we should give material support of any kind to an organization that opposes the Gospel of Life and is the sworn enemy of the Catholic Church? The bishop in Lincoln, Nebraska has excommunicated those who work for or are connected with PP.
Blanca, on August 22, 2013 at 12:28 pm said:

Just in response to the question you posed the previous poster. Planned Parenthood offers low cost female health services like check-ups, pap smears, testing (for STDs, and any other kind of infections), breast exams, as well as health counseling for people who are sick or engaging in high risk behaviors. These services are helpful for people who don’t have insurance because many times they are able to get medications for low to no cost, and the cost of the tests in general is pretty low compared to going to a private clinic/physician.

Jim Sedlak, American Life League:

WHAT DOES PLANNED PARENTHOOD DO? (and NOT do?)

Planned Parenthood (PP) describes itself as, “America’s most trusted provider of reproductive health care.” It says its health centers provide a wide range of safe, reliable health care – and more than 90 percent is preventive, primary care, which helps prevent unintended pregnancies through contraception, reduce the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) through testing and treatment, and screen for cervical and other cancers. Caring physicians, nurse practitioners, and other staff take time to talk with clients.

What does Planned Parenthood really do? Well, very few of its 749 clinics actually provide primary care. PP claims that of its three million customers, only 35,000 in 2010 – just 1.2 percent – get Family Practice Services (primary care).

Planned Parenthood talks about its “caring physicians.” Yet, unless a woman is getting an abortion, most never see a physician. Typically, she would see a clinician or nurse. In most states, prescriptions for medication are written in the name of the local PP’s medical director – who the woman never sees.

Planned Parenthood does not like to talk about its abortion business, but it runs the nation’s largest abortion chain and commits over 300,000 abortions a year. Planned Parenthood kills twice as many innocent human beings every week as died in the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001.

Planned Parenthood says its services prevent unintended pregnancies. However, it does not tell women what that means. Most women rightly believe that pregnancy begins when the sperm penetrates the egg and a new human being is created. PP, however, uses an obscure 1965 medical definition that defines pregnancy as beginning at implantation in the womb. Therefore, most of the products PP sells as contraceptives work, at least some of the time, by killing a new human being rather than preventing her creation.

Planned Parenthood brags about how it reduces the spread of STIs. Yet, scientists have known for over 20 years that the birth control pill (and similar products) actually increases the spread of STIs through lowering the woman’s immune system and changing the acidity level of the cervical mucus. If PP was serious about reducing STIs, it would get its customers off the pill.

Planned Parenthood’s president claims it does mammograms to detect breast cancer. In fact, not one PP facility in the country was licensed to do mammograms in October 2010 or earlier.

What does Planned Parenthood NOT do? Planned Parenthood claims to screen for cervical cancer. The major risk factor for cervical cancer is HPV (human papilloma virus). Women who start having sex at a young age and have many sex partners are more likely to get and stay infected with HPV. Since PP encourages young people to explore their sexuality, it is the cause of the problem – not the solution.

Planned Parenthood is NOT a health organization. It is in the sex business and makes its money from young people who it lures into sexual lifestyles – with all the trauma and diseases that lifestyle brings.
Karla, on August 22, 2013 at 6:53 am said:

In reply:

Health care such as vaccines, screening for cholesterol, diabetes, thyroid, cancer etc In addition to of course Planned Parenthood being the largest abortion provider in the US.

Jim Sedlak, American Life League:

WHAT DOES PLANNED PARENTHOOD DO? (and NOT do?)

Planned Parenthood (PP) describes itself as, “America’s most trusted provider of reproductive health care.” It says its health centers provide a wide range of safe, reliable health care – and more than 90 percent is preventive, primary care, which helps prevent unintended pregnancies through contraception, reduce the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) through testing and treatment, and screen for cervical and other cancers. Caring physicians, nurse practitioners, and other staff take time to talk with clients.

What does Planned Parenthood really do? Well, very few of its 749 clinics actually provide primary care. PP claims that of its three million customers, only 35,000 in 2010 – just 1.2 percent – get Family Practice Services (primary care).

Planned Parenthood talks about its “caring physicians.” Yet, unless a woman is getting an abortion, most never see a physician. Typically, she would see a clinician or nurse. In most states, prescriptions for medication are written in the name of the local PP’s medical director – who the woman never sees.

Planned Parenthood does not like to talk about its abortion business, but it runs the nation’s largest abortion chain and commits over 300,000 abortions a year. Planned Parenthood kills twice as many innocent human beings every week as died in the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001.

Planned Parenthood says its services prevent unintended pregnancies. However, it does not tell women what that means. Most women rightly believe that pregnancy begins when the sperm penetrates the egg and a new human being is created. PP, however, uses an obscure 1965 medical definition that defines pregnancy as beginning at implantation in the womb. Therefore, most of the products PP sells as contraceptives work, at least some of the time, by killing a new human being rather than preventing her creation.

Planned Parenthood brags about how it reduces the spread of STIs. Yet, scientists have known for over 20 years that the birth control pill (and similar products) actually increases the spread of STIs through lowering the woman’s immune system and changing the acidity level of the cervical mucus. If PP was serious about reducing STIs, it would get its customers off the pill.

Planned Parenthood’s president claims it does mammograms to detect breast cancer. In fact, not one PP facility in the country was licensed to do mammograms in October 2010 or earlier.

What does Planned Parenthood NOT do? Planned Parenthood claims to screen for cervical cancer. The major risk factor for cervical cancer is HPV (human papilloma virus). Women who start having sex at a young age and have many sex partners are more likely to get and stay infected with HPV. Since PP encourages young people to explore their sexuality, it is the cause of the problem – not the solution.

Planned Parenthood is NOT a health organization. It is in the sex business and makes its money from young people who it lures into sexual lifestyles – with all the trauma and diseases that lifestyle brings.
Eric, on August 22, 2013 at 4:09 am said:

Hello Father,
A couple of years ago I purchased some old Bible leafs (approximately 400+ years old each), hightlighting specific verses that I really liked. I framed and displayed them. About 1 year ago I looked closely at each individual leaf (two of them in particular), flipping them over and trying to read some of the Old English notes…only to find out that two of the leaves are of Protestant origin/printing house or press and one of Catholic. One of the ones thats of Protestant origin, from the 1500s, had some anti-Catholic writings on it, which very, very much disappointed me — much like study Bibles today, except with printed side notes against Apostolic Succession.
Because of their age, and because of their subject, and once being in a Bible, I’m hesitant to get rid of them. I considered burying them, such as one would bury a Blessed object. I’ve tried selling them, but haven’t had success. Should I bring them to my parish? Would they be able to properly discard them? Thank you Father.
Sincerely,
eric

FATHER JOE: If they are in good shape and 400 some years old, I would encourage you to hold onto them.
Karla, on August 21, 2013 at 10:38 pm said:

I am not American but I have a question, would it be a sin for a Catholic to go to Planned Parenthood, not for an abortion, but for a non-abortion health care?

FATHER JOE: What non-abortive or non-contraceptive service do they offer? Tell me the type of healthcare and give me an instance of a PP Clinic actually offering it. I am not talking about referrals. I am just curious.
Zena, on August 21, 2013 at 11:32 am said:

Dear Father Joe,

My husband and I have been married 10 yrs., together 20. We were married by the JOP. He got prostate cancer 10 yrs. ago. We have not had sex for about 15 years. Am I wrong to be angry? I feel my hormones raging at times and am angry. I married him because of his personality and our love/respect for each other. We were bonded mentally and in the heart (I felt). I was going to convert to Catholicism also, but did not because I delayed because I didn’t have any sponsors/support other than my husband. He got another more serious cancer and I got depressed from all of it, including family problems and loneliness. He fought his cancer without me because I checked out. I don’t know why, I love him! I have always loved him. He is/was good to me. I was just very lonely and had few friends (just acquaintances). He confessed to me later that he married me for my insurance, but grew to love me & treat me better (like a buddy). I don’t care anymore about anything. I don’t know what to do. I feel that my life is over. We have nothing, and I mean nothing in common, nor any friends. I hate life. I am not young. What can I do? There is no passion and I was full of passion and hope before. Now I don’t care about anything and I don’t do anything like we used to. Everyone is gone as well as all my hopes/life. What is the use of going on? I loved and respected him and his family. Now I have nothing and no one to support/understand my feelings/isolation. Please help. All I do is cry. My life means nothing. I feel paralyzed. Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

You said you “checked out” when he battled his cancer. Are you currently separated? It is not clear. I am not sure what you are asking and how much is rhetorical. I certainly think it is important to explore what it going on with your spousal relationship. Have you ever talked to a priest or counselor face-to-face about it? Such can be very helpful.

Into every life there come moments of joy as well as of regrets and sorrows. We do not have a time machine to travel back into our past so as to change things. Our life is what it is. It does no good to cry over what we had or over what might have been. My life has been very different from yours, but as with most or all of us, we face the temptation to despair. A priest finds (himself) alone (a lot) while images of family life and intimate companionship flood his mind and touch his heart. He wonders if his sacrifices really made a difference. There was so much promise… so many hopes and dreams… and yet much of it failed to materialize. Now he is old, friends are dying or gone and everything hurts. Given the many who have abandoned the faith, it is easy for a priest to feel like a failure or to compare himself to priests with titles or who proved themselves in exceptional ways. The truth is, we do a few good things, we commit the bad as well, we make mistakes, and then try to patch up matters the best we can. Ultimately, we surrender the whole package of our lives (for whatever it is worth) back to God.

I would recommend that you place your life into God’s hands. Take instructions at a local church this fall and join the Catholic faith. You can talk to a priest about the marriage situation, too. Get involved somehow in the work of the faith community. Talk to God, praying in earnest for meaning in your life and peace in your heart. God loves you. He wants you to know him and to share his life. You matter. Indeed, you personally matter so much that Jesus went to the Cross for YOU. We are not promised perfect happiness in this world. We are not guaranteed a life full of successes. However, we can fall to our knees, ask God for mercy, and allow ourselves to be embraced by his infinite love. God is real and there is more than the messiness of this world. We are summoned to be subjects of God’s kingdom, adopted sons and daughters in the royal family of God.

I will keep you in prayer.
Alexander, on August 20, 2013 at 9:51 pm said:

Good evening,
I am writting to ask a question which was asked me by a friend which is too afraid of asking it to a priest himself.

My friend was baptized when he was 9 months old thanks to his grandmother, and was raised agnostic by his parents. When he was 11, he converted to Islam, and now he regrets it.

So the question I am posting in his behalf is: Did his baptism become void with his convertion to Islam?

FATHER JOE: If he were validly baptized, then he is still baptized. At least that is how Catholics understand the issue. If he were a baptized Catholic, but uncatechized, then he should seek out a parish for religious instructions. Indeed, he could do the same as a Protestant. He would need to receive first penance, first communion and confirmation. Baptism marks one for Christ… permanently. He would have to repent from joining a false religion, but he would NOT be baptized again.
Carter, on August 19, 2013 at 1:11 am said:

Hello, I have come to ask you what I should do to gain entrance into heaven with The Lord, I have not been baptised yet or have been to church, for that i’m very very sorry, in case you were wondering why I haven’t been baptised or have been to a church, it’s because I don’t live close to one and because i’m only fourteen, but when i’m older I was going to go to church when I’m able to drive and move closer to one, but please forgive me. I love The Lord and I would love to grown in faith and in Christ. Thanks 🙂

FATHER JOE: Have you talked to your parents about this? Maybe someone would help you connect with a church? In any case, read the Bible, study the Catholic Catechism online, and learn your prayers. You are not alone. I will be praying for you. God loves you and he understands.
Den, on August 18, 2013 at 7:06 pm said:

Dear Fr. Joe, I wanted to get your opinion on oral sex and pre-marital sex. So, is it a sin with oral sex before marriage? And if you have pre-marital sex is that a huge sin? Would you go to hell for it? My cousin who is a Christian and a doctor was talking to me about girls and sex and college and stuff and told me always have a condoms on you at all times. I just want your opinion.

FATHER JOE: Sex outside of marriage is a matter of mortal sin. Sexual congress between a husband and wife should be open to the generation of new human life. If you are not married then you should remain chaste and virginal. That is not just my opinion, but the teaching of Christ and his Church.
aidan, on August 17, 2013 at 12:21 pm said:

Have been to confession Fr Joe, thanks for your insight it was invaluable, said a prayer for you.
Ethan Hinton, on August 17, 2013 at 1:30 am said:

Hello Father, I wanted to know what you think of something I’m convinced about (in other words I want to know what you make of this in a biblical sense). You see, I believe I have lived at least 600 lifetimes. I believe this because whenever I get visual cues I would receive memories, mostly involving my death. The memory would be so powerful that I would even vividly feel it. Not only that but I have a strange craving for blood. I am not lying, believe me I am not the kind of person who would waste someone’s time. Sincerely, Ethan

FATHER JOE: Reincarnation is an element of Hinduism but is incompatible with either Judaism or Christianity. Six hundred lifetimes sequentially connected would stretch into pre-history, or do you imagine them as overlapping? Next you say there is a craving for blood. How can you crave something you have not tasted? Are you a blood drinker? What is my view of all this? Given that I am a priest, my opinion is that you are being deceived or you, yourself, are not being honest. If it is the former, then you are either delusional or under demonic attack. You should see a doctor. Are you a diabetic? I understand that blood sugar issues can cause problematical cravings. Given that there might be spiritual obsession, you should detach yourself from any occult elements and prayerfully beseech the Lord for deliverance and healing. Drinking blood is a consistent part of satanic abuse rituals. Jews viewed blood as making one unclean. There is a devilish parody in that the Eucharist is mocked. Deceptive dreams, even waking ones or visions, frequently focus on death. If this is what you are experiencing, it is not from God.
aidan, on August 16, 2013 at 9:18 pm said:

Hi Father, I am back again. I am having a pretty serious crisis of faith here. Since I read your answer on oral sex I’ve discovered through much study of the CCC that everything bar-straight-down the line about sex is off the table for married Catholics, anything extra: oral stimulation, manual stimulation, cunnilingus, etc. is considered a mortal sin.

My wife and I enjoy a healthy and fun sex life using all the above methods of pleasing one another, in a loving and monogamous relationship, in ignorance, for the past 13 years of marriage.

How can a, not exactly devout, but scrupulous married couple continue to be expected to enjoy our sex life with such exacting rules? Maybe I am missing something here, as I am not as educated as your good self, but am I right? Is it that simple? How can anyone expect to get to heaven when pretty much everything I do and say is a sin? I have to say I am very anxious concerning this.

Again thanks in advance for your reply.

FATHER JOE: I am not going to provide a manual of what you can and cannot do. The emphasis is that whatever is done it should at some point be associated with the marital act (vaginal intercourse). God gave you your spouse and you are supposed to enjoy the intimacy of your home and the marriage bed together. If certain acts are pursued simply for purposes of lust and there is no openness to life then there is an issue. The business about “openness to life” does not mean that only fertile couples can copulate; rather, it means that the ultimate act should be that act which is intended for the generation of new human beings. Such is the case even for elderly couples who still enjoy sexual expression as a factor in their fidelity and unity. There is a difference between passion for a person and lust for an object. Certain acts, when separated from the conjugal act, treat the human person as candy or as a recreational toy. This is what the Church views as wrong. I am not going to give a check list of what you can touch and kiss, and neither would most nor all confessors. God bless!
Allan, on August 16, 2013 at 9:09 pm said:

I love Jesus very very much and I was wondering what I must do to accept him because I really really want to, please explain it as simply as possible if you could. Thanks!

FATHER JOE: The Lord calls us to a personal and corporate (Church) faith in him. Catholics who have already received the sacraments should regularly pray, worship, and study. We should open our bibles. Growing in our knowledge of the lord fuels our love for him. You cannot love what you do not know. We encounter Christ in faith. We take this gift into the world by sharing the truth and ministering to others. Repentance is also important, particularly if we have not always been Christ’s friend. Jesus is quick to forgive and heal. If you are not a Christian, I would urge you to contact your local Catholic Church and take instructions. Classes usually begin in the fall.
Grace, on August 15, 2013 at 2:30 am said:

This is regarding Nil and the problem of being bridesmaid/maid of honour to someone marrying outside the Church.
Nil, all things considered, this is not just about a wedding; it’s more about being a witness to Christ. When it comes to witnessing to Christ, it’s a tough and lonely path. It will alienate you from many.

I have had to sever ties with my family because they prevented me from witnessing to Christ by interfering with my vocation of marriage (and family life). For many, many years, I straddled both worlds – their world of false piety and pretentious worship and idolatry of money, status and power, and my simple but difficult world of being the wife and mum that Christ wanted me to be. By straddling, I mean that I kept quiet or I was diplomatic about choices/statements my family made when my heart was troubled by them. Yes, I did try to question/speak to my family about what they were doing etc but I was almost always bullied into silence or submission because although they preached humility, my family honestly thought they were next to God.

It came to a point when I could no longer stay true to my vows of marriage and those I made at my kids’ baptisms unless I made a clean break. I didn’t fight with them; I just went silent.

So, what was the price I paid, what was the cost of witnessing to Christ? I have earned the label of Betrayer, among other things. I am ostracised. I am looked down upon and warned against. And yet, Nil, I have finally come alive. The depression that plagued me for years has gone. I am able to pray, meditate and care for my husband and kids like never before. I also have a job now caring for others and there too I sense a clear mission – like never before.
aidan, on August 14, 2013 at 12:45 pm said:

Hi Father, My question, as a married man is; Is oral copulation a sin and if so is it venial or mortal. If it is a sin, how would i word this in confession so as not to be unbearably embarrassing. Thanks in advance for you answer.

FATHER JOE: I think by definition “copulation” means “coitus,” which is not satisfied by oral manipulation. While certain things might be permitted in terms of preparation for their marital union, oral gratification cannot be morally pursued in its own right. Sexual misconduct is regarded as the “matter” for mortal sin. Of course, other elements are involved within the subjective order: knowledge of a sin and freedom of will. This type of sexual expression is labeled as “fellatio” or “cunnilingus.”