Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

evan, on February 11, 2024 at 5:33 pm said:

I am extremely worried about going to hell and my own life just now I fear the worst and can’t stand the idea of not going to heaven and instead going to hell to suffer as my life has been quite hard I have waited for help for a while. So i often confess in church sins I haven’t committed for example today I confessed lustful thoughts even though I had none is this itself sinful.

FATHER JOE: You you lied to the priest? You made up sins? Sorry, but that is both stupid and sinful.
Gerry K, on February 9, 2024 at 1:20 pm said:

Hi Fr Joe and Catholic Brothers and Sister in CHRIST,
Yesterday I meet 2 parents at the Catholic store buying a cross for their child. We spoke. They raised their kids as Catholics. But the kids don’t go to church regularly. They had no clue Bible Matthew 24, the Tribulation was underway. They also didn’t know that they should attend 1st Friday, 1st Sats, Nor pray Devine mercy between 3-4pm ( the hour of mercy) nor take communion on the knees on the tongue.

I have spoke to quite a few parents. It’s the same situation. If it was explain why & how this is important. Or remind regular the importance of these. Or parents were given tools and coaching to act as catechists, some of the root issues connected to the chastisement namely attendance would possibly begin to improve.
Sincere Regards.

FATHER JOE: The Church may promote the devotions from private revelation, but none are required to follow them under church law. We are obligated to participate at Mass and to live lives of loving and holy obedience to God. As for the tribulation, I cannot say for sure that these are the last days. However, these are certainly times that try men’s souls. Believers should always be ready to meet Christ and to face judgment.
Brad Alan, on February 8, 2024 at 4:14 pm said:

My wife was married in a Roman Catholic Church. Within six months, her husband was viciously beating her frequently and having sex with underage girls. He verbally abused her. She went to their priest, but he refused to get involved. After two years of terror and broken bones, she divorced him. She and I married two years later and have been together for forty-four years. She never got an annulment from that first marriage. Should she pursue an annulment now? Were we living in adultery? Her ex-husband beat on subsequent girlfriends and a wife, dying in 2008 of a drug overdose.

FATHER JOE: It sounds like there were grounds for an annulment and I am sorry it was not pursued. It is true that the Church would not recognize your marriage, even after a union of forty-four years. However, given that you were not previously married, the two of you are now free to seek out a priest to con-validate the union. No annulment is required because the previous spouse is dead. The process is simple. She would go to confession and the two of you would visit a local priest, fill out the needed paperwork for the registry (copy of marriage license, baptismal certificates, and possibly her divorce decree and proof of the previous spouse’s death). Then you find two witnesses and repeat your vows before a priest in church. That’s about it. I will keep you both in prayer. There should be no need for lengthy preparation given that you have both proven your fidelity.
Noah Williams, on February 7, 2024 at 10:43 pm said:

I’m a 11 year old “Presbyterian” but I wish to become a Catholic, I just feel safer thinking of Catholicism.

FATHER JOE: You need to speak to your parents.
Luke, on February 4, 2024 at 1:07 pm said:

Hello Father,
In my last confession, after confessing a mortal sin I said: “well I did this a long time ago”. I said it because I felt extremely ashamed and I wanted to distance myself from that sin. Was my confession valid? Should I reconfess?
Thank you

FATHER JOE: You need to stop doing this to yourself. Your scrupulosity and anxiety is severe.
Kevin, on February 1, 2024 at 8:37 pm said:

Would you be able to possibly answer as to why this may have happened. Recently, I have begun a seeking relationship with God and become more religious, but at the same time, for some reason I have developed a fear of hell which I’ve never had before, and during the time I developed the fear I started hearing the word hell a lot and things saying you’re going hell. But then after some time I started seeing things saying you’re going heaven and things i started hearing the word hell less but now I’m starting to kind of hear the words (when I mean I heard words about heaven / hell I mean in people’s conversations or videos talking about hell on social media etc). So I was wondering could this be some sort of sign or omen or something telling me whether I’m going heaven or hell because it really has caused me a lot of anxiety.

FATHER JOE: I suspect it is all in your head. If you are living a good Christian life, then you can put aside fear and live in the real hope of heaven. If you are an unrepentant sinner then you also do not have to be anxious about whether you might go to hell because you can be certain that one day soon you will be keeping company with the devil as one of the damned. The choice is really yours.
lferg1266, on January 30, 2024 at 4:07 pm said:

Father
I attend Daily Mass each morning at my local parish and try to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Holy Rosary daily as well.

To the best of my knowledge I have not committed any Mortal Sins but I am sure that I have committed Sins. My problem is that I don’t feel convicted nor do I know what Sins to confess. Therefore I don’t go to Reconciliation on a weekly basis.
Could you please help me with my issue?

FATHER JOE: You may not have to go to weekly confession but you should seek to make the most of the graces given in all the sacraments.
Lis, on January 29, 2024 at 4:03 pm said:

Is not paying taxes considered theft?

Hello father,

I was wondering if not paying fair share of taxes is considered theft. I am at a place where my guardians which provide for me don’t pay a fair share because it’s considered normal in my area but I feel morally concerned about this. I can’t momentarily work because of my age and school so I am concerned and depended on them.

FATHER JOE: How old are you? Youth should also make an effort to assist parents and guardians. You are worried about them stealing but what about you benefiting from their sacrifices? Do you contribute what you can? We are obligated as good citizens to pay just taxes but it is not stealing to pursue loopholes and to be fiscally savvy.
Jacqueline Perry, on January 28, 2024 at 1:35 am said:

My brother seems to be straying away and distancing himself from the church. He, just as my sister and I, were all baptized and received communion & confirmation within the church. The woman he is with seems to be the reason behind his sudden change in behavior. He just sent me & my parents a txt inviting us to his baptism tomorrow at Faith Church. Please help me understand; I thought if you were baptized once, there was no need or way to be baptized again? What does it mean for him to go through with this? I know he will…what does that mean for him; is that him disassociating himself from the Church?

FATHER JOE: Once baptized, always baptized. Evidently his new church does not recognize Catholics as Christians. Such an act of (attempted) defection is a grievous wrong. Your family under no circumstances should either attend or recognize the act. He cannot take Holy Communion until he renounces this affront to the Catholic sacraments.
Buying and Selling, on January 27, 2024 at 11:17 pm said:

Hello Father. I have a question about sin and profit. I have created a nice little “side gig” (as they call it) of buying and selling things. Sometimes it’s garage sale type items or furniture and things on websites like Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. Sometimes, I will find a good deal on things that are new. Like from online retailers. Sometimes they are on sale and sometimes, I just see a good value in the product and know I could sell it for more.
Sometimes I fix these items up if they are used. Other times, I simply stage them and take very beautiful photographs, then list them for sale on sites like Craigslist.
I am wondering if this is a sin. Namely to sell things for more than I paid for them?
Ive looked this up online and have read very mixed answers. I understand that it would be a sin if I were taking advantage of another persons desperation, for example. Or if I were deliberately marking something up due to scarcity. But that’s not what I am doing.
I am, perhaps, creating a heightened sense of value by staging these items. Vs photographing them in a dark dingy garage with bad lighting and a concrete floor. (lol). Much like staging a home… statistically staged homes sell faster and for more when they are staged well. But why? Staging hasn’t actually added any value. I am not always adding value to the items I am reselling, (though sometimes I am if I repaint a piece of furniture or something like that. ) Also, the brand new items often come unassembled so I guess I am adding value by assembling them for people ahead of time.
I was hoping to get your thoughts on this capitalism in my little corner of the internet. To be clear, I am honest about the manufacturer of these items if anyone asks. And they could readily find out on the internet that perhaps, they could get a better deal by buying online vs buying from me if they look or price shop at all. And sometimes people do that and then pass on my item, or do that and haggle with me. I would affirm that the people usually seem to be very happy with their purchase and the price they pay. They are buying of their own free will.
Is this activity sinful? Also, would you consider this activity to be like garage sale level of selling things? Or do you believe I should be tracking all of this and declaring it on my taxes?

FATHER JOE: Selling is based on needs, wants, and demands. Ordinarily there is nothing sinful about such commerce.
Sonia Desai, on January 23, 2024 at 3:04 am said:

I was away from the church for a few years and would like to “come home”. Is there anything I need to do eg. Reconciliation before I am accepted back in the fold again?

FATHER JOE: You said it, go to confession.
Tim, on January 22, 2024 at 9:44 am said:

I had a very vivid dream last night. It was like I was in a church but was dark and only lit by candle.
There were books open at specific pages and some sealed with wax.
A person went to open the last one and I tried to stop them.
A voice loud echoed through f$&@ around and find out. The person opened the seal as I tried to pull them away and was sent spiraling into a mass void with what looked like souls descending into a molten pit.
I saw his face and heard his anger.
I’m then woke.
What does this all mean???

FATHER JOE: Likely it is just a dream and has no deeper significance.
Mary C, on January 22, 2024 at 1:35 am said:

I remember being taught that God knows what will happen, and created each and every detail about us. Does this mean if a child is an “early bloomer,” that child maturing fast was his will? A young girl I know is 10 years old and starting the first changes, and I can tell it’s really hard on her. Why would God humiliate a child by making them an early bloomer, knowing she/he wouldn’t be ready?

FATHER JOE: Due to original sin, we are born into a wounded world. Jesus takes our flesh so as to be in solidarity with us and to atone for sin. We should take up our crosses and follow him.
tade, on January 16, 2024 at 11:52 pm said:

My fiancée was married, civilly only. She is non-Catholic, and I am a Catholic that wants to get married in the eyes of the Church. What is the process of getting permission for her to marry me in Church? What are the steps I must take for her to be able to marry me in the eyes of the Church?

FATHER JOE: Although a non-Catholic, was she ever baptized and if so, what? If her first spouse was also not a Catholic, then we would presume the marriage was licit and valid. This would require a formal case before a Marriage Tribunal. She would have to submit baptismal certificates (if they exist), a marriage certificate and a divorce decree. She would also have to fill out a deposition and offer an essay detailing the marriage and what led to divorce. If you are serious then contact a local priest to assist you. Annulment cases are now free of charge, but the outcomes are not certain. If a marriage is genuine then it lasts until the death of one of the spouses.
joanne27015, on January 16, 2024 at 7:22 pm said:

I need help I saw a white shadow at church on a ceiling on christmas day it hard to explain what it look like now my mind all over the place I don’t know if it means anything or not I have deep depression so I could be losing my mind if you can help I would like that please x

FATHER JOE: I suspect it was just the light, and as you said, a shadow.
Jerick, on January 16, 2024 at 4:56 pm said:

Can you go to work on Sundays even if you go to Mass that day.

FATHER JOE: I have no idea what you do. The Church recognizes that people have commitments and may sometimes need to work Sundays.
Anonymous, on January 16, 2024 at 5:43 am said:

When one confesses the sin of masturbation and/or viewing pornography in confession, how specific should the penitent be?

FATHER JOE: Priests do not desire a lot of detail. A rule of thumb is to offer “species” and “number.” The first relates to what type of sin is being confessed. The latter speaks to whether the sin is an isolated event or an addictive “repetitive” behavior. Given the entrenchment of certain sins, the need for penance and grace is heightened. The priest also wants to quickly ascertain how much freedom may be impeded. The confessor may also need to make a quick discernment as to whether there needs to be a disassociation of certain negative relationships or whether there is an oppressive demonic influence.
Jos, on January 14, 2024 at 3:20 pm said:

Hello Father,

I have a question I need to address. I was doing very well in my spiritual life and felt so close to God until I talked to an unbeliever and developed feelings for him. He talked about sexual things to me even unnatural things that I completely disagreed with him at the time and tried to convert him. I have stopped communicating with him, but I still have feelings. My concern is that his words of sexual things that he said to me which then I rejected have lately been lingering in my mind and I have been very tempting. It’s been a month where I feel like I’m transformed. All I think about is his words and I have a strong desire for those things. It almost feels like an addiction which won’t leave me alone— literally every single day and every moment. I think of him and of my feelings and I have started to think in this wrong way. I am desperate. I ask God for help. I try to pray but am not motivated. I have confessed and received communion, but I still feel the same. I am afraid that I will give in to an occasion of sin. I can’t stop entertaining thoughts in my mind. I feel strong temptation. Is there hope? What would you suggest for me to do? Thanks!

FATHER JOE: It sounds like this man may have been a bad influence upon you. If so, you may need to keep your distance. Of course, I do not know the particulars of your conversation. Sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage is always grievously sinful. Betrothed couples (a man and woman) will often share their struggles with passion and their desire for union, even taking some joy from the prospective prerogatives that they will share in terms of marital intimacy. That would either constitute no sin or merely venial sin. However, temptations toward sex outside marriage are to be guarded against and if there is a fall, resolved with contrition, amendment and the absolution of the confessional. We are fallen creatures and need divine grace to be good and to be saved. Ask for this grace and stay close to the sacraments.
Al tritt, on January 12, 2024 at 10:40 pm said:

I asked you a a question and you did not answer me again. You rambled on and on about some other stuff. Why are you so afraid to answer my question. Do you not care. Is it because God is either not there or does he just doesn’t care.

FATHER JOE: What question did I not answer? I responded to a question you raised in December. I answer as clearly as I can the questions that come before me. Maybe the problem is you are not willing to hear what a priest has to say? I will keep you in prayer.
Tony C, on January 10, 2024 at 12:06 am said:

Peace be with you Father Joe.
On the topic of Marriage, Divorce, Annulment and Re-Marriage.
My Girlfriend and I have lived together for almost 18 years. We both have been married previously, with both marriages fitting into an invalid category. Mine would require more legwork to prove however.
My Girlfriend was raised Catholic, I converted almost 2 years ago. We would like to get Married Catholic, but life has certain pressures that would push us to going outside the Church to do this.
One of our concerns is that we are currently considered as within the teachings of the Church, we go to Mass regularly and participate fully.
Knowing what is taught about being remarried without Annulments leads me to think we would then be outside the teachings of the Church and not permitted to receive Communion.
My real question comes as more of a logic technicality, if our previous marriages were easily proven invalid, then why would us entering into another invalid marriage change our status with the Church and ability to receive Communion?
We know of others, within even our own family that are in invalid marriages and either don’t know, don’t care or don’t want to reveal certain truths to their Priest that would place their participation in jeopardy.
Is it the Priests job to not ask? Ours to not tell?
Should I be in perpetual reconciliation?
I want to be right with God, I feel that my Girlfriend and I want to do much more for the Church and to participate as much as we can .
I even thought about becoming a permanent Deacon at one point, but I know without going through the hoops of the tribunal that could not happen.
Any words of wisdom are appreciated.
God bless you.
Tony

FATHER JOE: I am not entirely sure what you are asking me given that you answer many of your expressed concerns in the context of your questions. Let me just make a general assessment. First, while a Catholic couple in an irregular union (previously married and living together) should attend Sunday Mass, they are asked to abstain from Holy Communion. Second, even if the previous marriages can be proven invalid, Church law requires an ecclesial rendering, either a formal annulment case or a simple declaration of nullity, prior to entering a new bond. Otherwise, the objective situation is presumed to be adultery. Third, sexual intimacy outside of marriage is also regarded as a mortal sin. If a couple is free to marry after a civil bond, then they need to explore a convalidation (vows before priest or deacon) or a radical sanation (convalidation without a renewal of consent). Fourth, marriage issues are supposed to be resolved before one is sacramentally initiated or received into the Catholic Church. Sometimes parishes or instruction teams drop the ball on this. Fifth, you should do what is right, regardless of what friends and family might do or not do. God knows the truth and while the priest can be fooled, we really want to maintain our good standing before almighty God— not go through the motions for others, even in the Church. Sixth, for the confessor to give absolution, the person must be sorry for sin and exhibit a firm purpose of amendment (to change his or her life). Resolve your situation and stop playing games. I will be praying for you both.
ROSE, on January 7, 2024 at 3:15 am said:

All these years, I was receiving Holy Communion unworthily. I have an unconfessed sin, recently committed a mortal sin and received Holy Communion. Only now do I truly understand what the Eucharist is and the consequences for receiving unworthily. I understand my mistake and I truly repent for what I have done. If I confess, will these sins be forgiven? Is there any chance for excommunication.

FATHER JOE: There are no grounds for excommunication. Just go to confession and receive absolution.
Jemima, on January 6, 2024 at 11:29 am said:

I’m wondering what you think about this situation and whether you think that this relationship is worth fighting for.

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and his main reason for this was because he is a devout Catholic and I was raised in an Atheist household, but I believe in God but am not affiliated in any religion. He explained that he can see our relationship not working down the line due to differences in core values and beliefs which are mainly due to the religious differences. For example, as a Catholic, he believes that he should wait until marriage to have sex, and he does not believe that contraception should be used even after marriage. I am not opposed to waiting until marriage to have sex, in fact I think that is something I have grown to cherish more the longer we dated. However, I don’t think that I completely agree with his views on contraception, mainly because I wouldn’t necessarily be able to control when and how many children we would have. But that isn’t a deal breaker for me and I would be more than willing to compromise and find some middle ground.

There is a few other differences as well which I mainly attribute to the differences in how we were raised such as slightly different views on gay marriage, abortion etc. But my views are only slightly skewed towards progressive (due to upbringing) and I am generally a very open minded person. I don’t think abortion is ‘wrong’ per se, but it’s definitely not something I would do personally. And I don’t think that I would be able to financially support a child if they turned out to be transgender but I’m not transphobic.

What I’m saying is, is that we aren’t as different as he thinks we are. And to be honest, I think the reason that I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about what I truly believe in is because my family play a big role in my life and I think that I would feel judged by them if I ended up committing fully to Catholicism (I’m baptised but as I said, come from an atheist family).

He also mentioned that he would almost feel guilty or anxious that things wouldn’t feel like a compromise to him because I would be changing myself or my beliefs to suit him, and he wouldn’t be changing anything. But I don’t know how to tell him that I am willing to do that for him. I personally don’t have a clear cut set of values and beliefs like he does (like I said I am very open minded), and I really admire and love him for that and his determination and self-discipline to stick to them. It’s not like I don’t have a backbone and cant stand up for myself and what I believe in because I do stand up for things that I am very passionate about (the environment, human rights, feminism), but I just don’t have a very strong opinion about any of the things he has brought up as potential ‘issues’ to me so it doesn’t really matter to me if I have to change them to be with him.

His thoughts are that he wants to be able to compromise with me instead of feeling like he is just ‘telling me what to do’.

How do I explain that I wouldn’t be changing anything about myself or who I am or what I believe in for him just to be with him? And that these things haven’t been presented to me as a big deal but that I am very open minded and willing and curious to learn about the way that he wants to live?

I genuinely and whole-heartedly can see a future with him working marvellously and that’s all I’ve been thinking about these past few days. I love him because of his religious beliefs, not in spite of them. I started attending mass regularly with him to show him how committed I was to him and to show him that I would do anything for him and be open minded.

How do I explain this to him well enough? I can’t figure out how to word it properly to get him to fully understand my point of view.

FATHER JOE:

I suspect the problem is not that he is a Catholic and you are not, but rather because he is not as thoroughly a Catholic as you seem to believe. Do not get me wrong, I would applaud any believer faithful to Mass and wanting to preserve sexual intimacy until marriage. Such is a sign of respect for both you and him. But what speaks against his faith is any anxiety or guilt about you making accommodations or converting to make a life with him. If one truly believes in the Catholic faith, then one should be overjoyed (not embarrassed) to have a loved one embrace it.

Speaking as a priest of the Church, you would not be required to become a Catholic. If you are open to children and in allowing them to be raised in the faith, then the dispensation would be no problem. In any case, it sounds like you are already entering into reflection about Catholic beliefs and values. A knew one lady who did this, became a Catholic and ended up not getting married. That which began for someone else, she finished for herself.

The fact that you are passionate about certain things speaks to your integrity and goodness of character. You may find a movement on the matter of abortion given your advocacy for human rights. We should be consistent in our defense of human dignity and the sanctity of life. Once we make exceptions, it all falls apart. This also applies to feminism because just over half of the children lost through abortion are tiny women. We either all have rights or the rights of all are threatened. There is a Christian feminism that appreciates this and fights for the rights of women to express their voices and to manifest their gifts and genius. You would share many of your concerns about the environment with Pope Francis. Until we join the saints of heaven, the earth is the only home we have. God would have us be responsible stewards of his creation.

Given what you have shared with me, I would say that your boyfriend is fortunate to have met you. If you both genuinely love one another, then I would counsel the two of you to move toward marriage. He would have a hard time finding a “Catholic” girl as willing to work to make the relationship work. Marriage means mutual sacrifices, forgiving wrongs and giving each other time and patience to grow. I will keep you both in prayer.
JB, on January 3, 2024 at 9:45 pm said:

Is the seven deadly sins, a list of mortal sins or are they just sins that could be turned mortal if involving grave harm. Also could you give me examples of lust,envy and pride being mortal sins (is it stuff like thinking “you can do anything without God”)

FATHER JOE: Deadly means mortal. I am sure you know what these sins are.
Heidi Bell, on January 3, 2024 at 6:22 am said:

In light of Lent coming up I wanted to ask if “fake meat” was acceptable when abstaining from meat. There are lots of delicious alternatives now but it kind of feels like cheating. Obeying the letter rather than the spirit.

FATHER JOE: The rule is to abstain from meat. I am not sure what you mean by fake meat. Veggie burgers are not meat.
JB, on January 2, 2024 at 1:12 pm said:

I found out that acting upon your cravings is a sin. So if your like, “oh I’d really like to eat this right now,” or “I’m really feeling KFC right now” does that come under this sin?

FATHER JOE: Why would all cravings be sinful? God gives us natural desires . . . for food, drink, comfort, etc. Anything can be corrupted but they are good in themselves.