Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Matthew May, on December 31, 2023 at 2:17 am said:

I want to be Catholic but due to family issues and health my own and my wife we are unable to attend Mass and Rica classes is there anything we can do

FATHER JOE: Contact a local priest.
Alejandro Gonzalez Lujan, on December 30, 2023 at 10:48 am said:

Father I find myself in a weird situation. See I am an international student (20 years old) studying in the Netherlands and here in the Netherlands there is a student housing crisis. Because of this crisis it was very hard for me to find a room. By sheer luck I managed to find one, but the thing is I now find myself living with an older woman (I assume she is over 60 years old) and I know living with someone who I am not married with is scandalous. So is it really scandalous? I don’t think so, but I would like to get your insight on this Father. You see I have been living in this situation now for about 4 to 5 months now and only recently I have been considering that it might be scandalous. I really wanted to live in a room or appartment on my own but unfortunatly finding a room is next to impossible and every student that comes to study here are either living together with other students in the same building or are in the same situation as I.

FATHER JOE: As long as you have your own space or room you should be okay. Elderly women in the past often rented rooms in boarding houses to pay the bills.
Darla, on December 30, 2023 at 1:17 am said:

As a single woman of indeterminate age I struggle with a “vocation” in the Catholic community. It seems women are relegated to nun wife and/or mother. Those women who remain single are not given a role other than the basic “do what Jesus said to” and it is frequently suggested that we “help overwhelmed mother”. Well I did that and got nothing for it. It is a thankless task with little to no reward in any regard. I don’t mean tit for tat or monetary. I just felt used and unappreciated. Why has the church left single women to flounder? And what can I look at as a vocation thats not doing someone else’s job for them? I feel like I’m looked at as a failure and essentially unnecessary and unwanted as an individual. I’m the “third wheel”.

FATHER JOE: It seems to me that the issue is not the roles of women in society or as promoted by the Church but rather that you are unhappy with your life. What do you see as your vocation? What do you do to make a difference and to please God? Your life is your own to make of it what you will. We all have a calling to holiness, no matter what our state of life. Peace!
Alejandro Gonzalez Lujan, on December 28, 2023 at 2:10 pm said:

I vaguely remember that I confessed a mortal sin in general months a go and I have been going to confession ever since. It just occured to me that I didn’t give any detail about the mortal sin. Was my confession still valid? And are the confessions that came after still valid? Because after I confessed the sin I have been going to confession thinking and feeling that I have been absolved. Or am I being too scrupulous?

FATHER JOE: Yes, you are being too scrupulous.
Douglas A Stofko, on December 27, 2023 at 9:28 pm said:

People do awful things. Take a close look at society and the Internet. God isn’t doing that!
Doug Croley, on December 23, 2023 at 2:19 pm said:

Is it a sin to kneel with your backside kind of on the pew? I am 60 yrs old and attend the Tridentine Mass. Thank you and Merry Christmas

FATHER JOE: I recall as a child being swatted by a nun for that but I am not sure God really cares.
Jessica, on December 19, 2023 at 5:44 pm said:

I do not want to abstain from premarital sex. I do want to be catholic. Just tell me, should I just not be catholic? I do not feel guilty for premarital sex as I am in a loving committed relationship, also therefore cannot absolve the sin because I don’t feel remorseful for it.

FATHER JOE: Jessica, the issue is not simply whether you want to be Catholic. The true question is whether you believe and love the Lord. If you do then you will seek to keep the commandments. The Bible is very clear about the sins of fornication and adultery. There is also a failure to live out charity because mortal sin also harms the soul of another. If you truly love the man you are with then you should want him to be holy and to help him go to heaven. If there is no remorse or sorrow about dishonoring God or hurting one you claim to love then I do not know what to say. Real love waits and makes demands. If believers should stumble, God is merciful and can bring healing to relationships— given that we have time to do so. I recall a situation where a young man convinced his girlfriend to have relations with him outside of marriage. Unfortunately, she died in a car accident in a state of sin, a state which he had orchestrated. He had to deal with the guilt of that. I will keep you in prayer. Peace.
Bartholomew, on December 18, 2023 at 2:22 pm said:

My Fiancée and I have an issue we’ve been facing in terms of a lack of understanding. Growing up I have developed an attraction to feet. It started when I was young and since then I have contained it to make sure it doesn’t become so strong that it overshadows sacred sex. It is just a part of her woman body that Id love to find a connection in becoming intimate with sometimes. Since we understood that “any form of sex before marriage is a sin” well, would this be a problem whilst in a marriage? If so, what are the limitations?

FATHER JOE: Given that you are planning marriage I can only hope you are attracted to more than her feet. Peace.
Hilary, on December 18, 2023 at 2:18 am said:

What is the history of the 12 Days of Christmas song Catholic?
From 1558 to 1829, the Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. During this period, “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was written in England as a catechism song for young Catholics. The hidden meanings of the song’s gifts were intended to help the children remember lessons of their faith.
Is there a hidden meaning in The Twelve Days of Christmas?
Basically, it’s been said that the song was a way for Christians to secretly preach their faith without being punished. According to the theory, this is what each lyric represents: The partridge in a pear tree = Jesus Christ. 2 Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments.5 Dec 2023

Is this true? What does the rest of the song mean?

FATHER JOE: It is false.
Ben, on December 16, 2023 at 9:21 pm said:

Hello, I’m writing a story. In it a boy asks a priests why a woman, a prostitute, was murdered. I would like a priest’s response. He also asks the priest how to live. These are vague questions but hopefully penetrating. the character is a child and not verbally proficient.

FATHER JOE: Not sure what you are asking.
Al tritt, on December 6, 2023 at 6:12 am said:

There is NO god. After seeing the things people do to poor little dogs and cats, there can’t be a god. God was supposed to take care of things that can’t take care of themselves. Well where the hell is he. If you don’t believe me, go to YouTube. You’ll see. I asked this priest and he didn’t have the guts to answer me.

FATHER JOE: What priest on YouTube? If you want to see how much God cares, note that he makes himself at Christmas into a vulnerable child. That vulnerability will be proven 33 years later on the Cross. Ours is a God in solidarity with us. He comes to save us. You weep for cats and dogs. I lament children destroyed in the womb and every one of them a reflection of the Christ Child.
Matthew, on December 5, 2023 at 10:26 pm said:

It would be better to strip away all freedom than to allow people to commit the worst evils, better still to not create any of us in the first place.

God went against people’s free will when he killed the world with the flood, their free will was to keep sinning just like he allows people to sin now instead of stopping them, tower of babel, sodom & g, canaanites, amalekites, jericho, Sennacherib etc.

He isn’t destroying cities now because of “free will” but he did in the past, what about their free will?

FATHER JOE:

Our freedom is what separates us from the wild beasts. Freedom allows for both virtue and vice. If you take away our liberty, then heroism and self-sacrificing love are also discarded. This is a time for testing. God has shown us in Scripture that he is both the Divine Justice and the Divine Mercy. There are consequences for the misuse of freedom in sin.

Your view is that of the dangerous anarchist. You would blow up the world and kill everyone in it to take away freedom. You would have the audacity of an ant to judge almighty God.
Sarah Webber, on November 30, 2023 at 12:32 am said:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/pope-punishes-leading-critic-cardinal-150139851.html

Aren’t all priests supposed to obey the Pope? Doesn’t he have the final say on church doctrine?

FATHER JOE: The final say on doctrine is always almighty God. As I have said before, the Pope is the servant of the Word, not its master. He is the head of the magisterium with the bishops of the Church aligned with him. The Holy See is given a charism to teach and to do so even infallibly; however, the conditions for the exercise of this authority is restricted. The Pope cannot manufacture new truths. Rather he is entrusted with handing down and interpreting the deposit of faith. This is the whole point that is being argued by Cardinal Burke. He is trying to assist Pope Francis so as to preserve doctrinal integrity and the cohesion of the Church.
Antonette, on November 27, 2023 at 2:18 pm said:

I used to steal stuffs from classmates when I was in grade school. When I was in grade 4, I once framed a classmate of mine for stealing phone, where I was the one who really did it. I put it in her bag because I was afraid of being caught. Though they know I really did it and I never admitted it. When I was in grade 5, I cheated on exam just to get a perfect score and they know I did. When I was in grade 6, I also cheated on exam. After I got my original exam paper, it wasn’t recorded. I hurriedly rewrote my answers on a new paper and tell that I was perfect. But one of my classmate didn’t believe me, so they went through the trash to find my old exam paper and they found out. I didnt know what i did after. I remember that I never apologized for all the things that I did.

When I was in high school, I stopped doing those. And I always find myself hiding from the people whom I hurt. I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t want them to see me. I never want to show my face. And I once hope for me to be gone. During those days, I never had a chance to apologize for them. Maybe, I did have, I just never did try because I was afraid, Im gonna be judged and they will hate me forever and they’ll tell people that I was a really bad individual and a friend.

Now, I’m 23. Those days, guilt and shame still haunts me. I don’t know what to do. I always think of moving forward but something stops me from doing so. I always want to chose to be happy but something stops me from doing so. I mean, who I am to deserve happiness, when I’ve caused a lot of bad things to people who cared for me. I want to let go all of it (guilt, shame), and just live the present life but I find it hard. I dont know what to do. What should I do? I dont want this feelings anymore. I feel like I can’t do anything If i continue living with it.

FATHER JOE:

You did bad things as a child in grammar school. But you are no longer a child. I suspect these sins were long ago confessed. We must accept the fact that we are not perfect and that sometimes we are bad. Rather than musing over a past we cannot change, we need to cooperate with actual grace and be good in the present. The devil would have us haunted by our past. Do not give him this power over you.

I cannot say what people might remember from their youth. You might be surprised to find that you are the only one still pondering these misdeeds. I remember telling a boyhood “sorry” for wronging him as a classmate and he had no memory of it whatsoever. This is often the case. What you did hurt you more than others. Everyone else likely moved on but the guilt prevented you from doing so. You know better now. Let it go.

What you revealed were a few bad acts by a child. Why make more of them than what they are. You speak of them as “a lot of bad things” that rank with killing the family dog or burning down a house. Again, you are a grown up now. As our Lord tells us, today has troubles enough of its own. Peace!
Matthew, on November 22, 2023 at 2:01 pm said:

Why does God allow so much evil when he could easily stop it or give strength to the victims? Is allowing evil, evil in itself? Free will isn’t a good enough response to so much evil as it is worthless and the free will of the victim is ignored. God also ignored the free will of many people in the Old Testament so he can do something about it. Please explain.

FATHER JOE: How would you have God stop evil? Would you strip away human freedom? As for giving strength to victims, is this not the witness of Christ and the saints. Just because you may not be receptive to such fortitude does not mean that God does not offer it. The passive will of God permits the misuse of freedom. However, this in itself does not make God culpable for human iniquity. While I mean no slight, your understanding of free will is defective and impoverished. We are called before God not simply as individuals but as a species or family or nation. Human rebellion ushered forth Original Sin and wounded the entire family of man. Human freedom must be appreciated as not just personal but also as corporate. What we do or fail to do affect others and their choices. This is an objective assessment of the state of a fallen reality. Freedom of will does not mean absolute autonomy. Even if one’s choices are minimized by those of another; nevertheless, we can exercise freedom in how we respond to our limited choices or oppression. You can choose to despair and run away or to remain resolute and confront what is coming. Yes, from the most powerful dictator to the forgotten captive in a cell— there are always choices. I am not sure what you mean in saying that God ignored free will in the Old Testament— he certainly did not. The whole history of salvation is riddled with saints and sinners. Following God’s will is always the right use of freedom. Rebellion damages freedom itself and places us in bondage to the devil. Nothing will thwart divine providence, and in the great scheme of things, the will of God shall ultimately be accomplished. Indeed our Lord Jesus will exert his fidelity in response to our sin so that we might be saved.
generayt, on November 18, 2023 at 12:31 am said:

When a person confesses their sins to a priest are they absolved even though the person is not sincere? Do the words of absolution still forgive? I’ve been told … yes… but the person has committed a mortal sin by lying to the Holy Spirit. True or false?

FATHER JOE: There are conditions for absolution— sorrow for sin and firm purpose of amendment of life. The words of absolution signify no magical incantation. The priest’s words of absolution have the power to forgive sin— but only if the person is disposed to mercy. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit or a bad confession leaves the person in the same state as he entered the sacrament— in mortal sin.
Gary Joseph Carbone, on November 15, 2023 at 2:29 am said:

I have a question about the types of Rosary mysteries……true or false…there are Sorrowful, Joyful and Glorious…..JP II proposed another one called Luminous but only “proposed” it….the Church never officially accepted it……praying only the three is still acceptable…correct?

FATHER JOE: It was proposed by Pope John Paul II. That makes it official: Sorrowful, Joyful, Glorious and Luminous.
Christmas Mass, on November 12, 2023 at 6:32 am said:

I lead a homeless ministry where we buy and prepare a meal for about 250 people each month. It is one Sunday per month and I usually attend a Sunday night mass at a neighboring church on these days to fulfill my Mass obligation because I am leading this ministry in the morning for several hours when “regular” Mass times occur. In December, our ministry falls on Christmas Eve, which is a Sunday this year. Christmas Day is obviously also an obligation. I am trying to figure out when to go to Mass twice and/or if I need to go to Mass twice given the circumstances. (Serving the poor, not missing or skipping by choice.) Heres the problem: on Saturday night, we have an annual extended family Christmas tradition so the Saturday vigil Mass (to fulfill Sunday obligation) won’t work. As I would usually attend a Sunday evening Mass, I was thinking of doing so, but it is actually Christmas Eve at that point. (To further complicate things, we have another extended family tradition on Christmas Eve, but we could squeeze in Mass beforehand.)
If I went to Mass on Christmas Eve (Sunday), considering I usually attend that Mass on Sundays when I volunteer and ALSO usually attend Christmas Eve Mass for the Christmas holiday, would that be sufficient? Would that count as Sunday obligation? Or must I wake up and go the next morning as well? And even then, have I attended two Christmas Masses and still missed my Sunday obligation because technically the Sunday night Mass is now considered Christmas Eve, even though it’s just a regular Mass all other Sundays of the year? Ugh. I’m already tired on these days from leading this ministry. Add in 3 full days of extended family holidays and 2 Masses. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about figuring it all out. Please help with what to do!

PS. Sadly, asking my Parish Priest is not an option… without a long explanation, let’s just summarize by saying he is unapproachable/untouchable at our church. (It’s the culture he has created.) so my question would be funneled through 3 parish staff members and then his secretary and possibly not even be answered in the end, which is quite common. (Please pray for my bitterness about this.)

Please could you offer some advice? I just want to do the right thing.

FATHER JOE: You need to make time both for Sunday Mass and for Christmas Mass. The Christmas Eve Mass this year counts for Christmas, not for Sunday. You need to either go to the anticipatory of Mass on Saturday or on Sunday to fulfill your regular Mass obligation and again on either Christmas Eve (Sunday evening) or on Monday morning. There is no two for one deal.
M T, on November 7, 2023 at 7:15 pm said:

MaryT
I have a habit of daydreaming about men I knew before I married. I imagine meeting them again and lately I nurture regrets about finishing a relationship with one of them. I am a widow in my late sixties, but who was in a very bad marriage out of which I took myself and my children. Is this a mortal sin. I also found information deliberately on line about one man. Sometimes sexual thoughts arise but I manage to quell these.

FATHER JOE: I suppose most of us have regrets but we should focus on where we are and what we have now. Despite the troubles, you had children. That is a great treasure. There is likely no sin in the feelings that emerge from your humanity. I hope you find peace in the Lord.
Anthony, on October 22, 2023 at 3:52 am said:

I have a hard time believing masturbation is a sin. Men have to do it otherwise they’ll go crazy and be lusting after women and make poor sexual decisions if they don’t get that release. It’s not healthy not to masturbate and will lead to greater sins.

FATHER JOE: Our eroticized society may make chaste celibacy difficult but it is not impossible. St. Paul’s counsel is wise on this point: “Now to the unmarried and to widows, I say: it is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).
Anthony, on October 22, 2023 at 3:17 am said:

When it comes to impure thoughts as sins, what kinds of thoughts exactly are considered impure? I don’t believe it’s sinful to think about having sex with the person you’re dating, to see if you would want to marry them someday. Never having any sexual thoughts of any kind if you’re dating someone isn’t healthy. People have to think about what it would be like to be married to someone before they do it. I think it’s toxic and harmful to tell people they can’t think about sex because that’s exactly what they’d be doing if they get married one day, and they have to think about whether they want that with a person.

FATHER JOE: Thoughts of anticipation about the joys of married life are not sinful. By contrast impurity would weaken the resolve to wait until marriage and/or to treat the beloved as a commodity to appease lust. Pope John Paul made a distinction between holy passion and the sin of lust. Love and passion are elements that attract men and women together and make possible the sacred bond. The beloved is raised up as a person with dignity.
Frank, on October 22, 2023 at 2:51 am said:

Greetings Father,
Did Adam and Eve learn deception in the Garden of Eden via Satan?

FATHER JOE: We are told that Eve was fooled or deceived by Satan.
Mary, on October 16, 2023 at 2:55 pm said:

Dear Father Joseph,

I have a question about receiving holy communion. If the priest does not say the words “Body of Christ” before giving The Holy Eucharist, is the sacrament still valid? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Mary

FATHER JOE: There is no reason for him not to say it. But yes, after the consecration at the altar, the Eucharist is valid as the risen Christ.
Josh, on October 9, 2023 at 2:12 pm said:

Sorry for the uncomfortable question but this happened to me last night. While being intimate with my wife I quickly climaxed so that the marital act was frustrated. I know that it could still be sinful but I don’t believe that it is a mortal sin because although it was grave, and I had full knowledge of what was happening, I did not give my full consent. Did I commit a mortal sin? Thank you for response to this difficult question.

FATHER JOE: The passion of spouses is not a science. Your intention was to do what was right but the body sometimes has a mind of its own. Lacking a sinful intention and full control, there is either venial sin or likely no sin at all.
Freyja, on October 7, 2023 at 9:57 am said:

So I had my baby 4 months ago but I produce an excessive amount of breastmilk, so even after my baby has been breastfed I’m still left with a severe amount of milk which leads to me aching. I was wondering if I’m allowed to allow my husband to help me with this.

FATHER JOE: I share few opinions about the marriage bed and the intimacy of spouses. All I will say here is that he is your husband. He is obliged to love and care for you and the baby. Enough said.