Ask a Priest

5,275 Responses

Lena, on July 22, 2023 at 12:19 pm said:

Hello Father
I was looking online and I’ve found your page.
I don’t know what to do now. I’m living in Italy to study, but I can’t see myself graduating from this course. My parents have always wanted for me to study and made big efforts for it, no matter the course I chose, but I think I chose the wrong thing and I don’t know how to change it now. I am doing archeology, but I’m sure I should have done something language-related:
At the same time, I have received an opportunity to go work in Greece, but that would mean giving up (at least temporarily) on my studies. By going there to work I would get to work in different languages and learn a language.
Both by changing course and by going away to work I will disappoint my family… but at least working I won’t be a financial burden to them. And by studying I would take one more year of their help. My family has a decent condition, but I hate to depend on them, but at the same time until now they’ve only wanted me to study and every-time I feel like I’m failing by them.
What should I do? I keep praying, but I don’t understand
Should I continue this bachelor, should I try to change course, or should I try to move to work in Greece? How can I address this to my family?

FATHER JOE: If they are paying the bills then you need to talk this over with your parents.
Carlos, on July 11, 2023 at 10:24 pm said:

I being haunted by an astral planer named lashawn Polk how can I stop her.

FATHER JOE: Your preoccupation with the occult and paranormal is likely the problem. Whether or not there is witchcraft, mentally such obsession gives others manipulative power over you. There is nothing you can do to stop what others might pursue. However, you have charge over your own life. Really accept Christ and supplant superstition with faith in our Lord.
Quamier Rattion, on July 8, 2023 at 12:45 pm said:

spirituality have a cat he ran away middle of the bught he jump on the wind shield and his eyes was all black and his meow was different his presence felt different and he meowed odly like trying to mimic the actual cat vouce and it sounded different open the door think thats the cat when my cat has green eyes and i looked back on the wrong shoes cause it didn’t come and it disappeared disappeared

FATHER JOE: Cats can be peculiar.
Debra manuel, on July 4, 2023 at 7:00 pm said:

Hello Father,

I have a problem that I’ve been trying to resolve. Thought I should ask you.
I’m a divorced woman and older now.

I recently joined a very nice parish. For some time the pastor has been acting strange. I sometimes catch him staring at me and even spying. It’s become apparent that there is a problem. He’s a fine dedicated priest. But I’m wondering now if I should perhaps leave.

Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you.

FATHER JOE:

Dear Debra,

There are too many unknowns for me to really give a comprehensive answer. Are you truly seeing what you think you see?

So far the priest is not guilty of anything more than looking at you. For all you know, you might remind him of his sister or his mother. What do you mean by spying? Is he following you? If so this would be creepy and I would urge you to ask about what is going on.

Are you particularly beautiful? Men are attracted to be beauty. However, he has made no untoward advances. You say that he is a fine dedicated priest. If so then why would you want to leave the parish? Is the issue on his side of the equation or do you have conflicted feelings about him?
Emilio, on July 2, 2023 at 8:34 am said:

Good evening Father, I am a young believer in God, raised by my parents to be so. However recently, I’ve had some doubts on whether God is real or not. I believe he wants the best for me and humanity. If this were so, why didn’t God create cute femboy furry’s along with Adam and Eve? This world could’ve been so much better if there were cute dragon boys around. Is there any help you can give me as an answer to why God did not create any Furry’s? I really want to put these doubts to rest, but I’m ashamed of asking the Father at my own church. God bless you.

FATHER JOE: Are you a child? I have no idea what you are talking about. If you are an adult . . . grow up!
Jeremy, on June 30, 2023 at 3:14 pm said:

Hello, Father Joe, I would like to ask what were the Baltic Crusades and why did the Teutonic Knights and its fellow crusaders failed in this campaign. Thank you

FATHER JOE: These crusades battled the Baltic pagan tribes. Unfortunately, Orthodox believers got swept up into the intervention. Results were mixed.
Dorothy Hogan, on June 27, 2023 at 9:43 pm said:

Is it wrong to drink before saying The Chaplet of the Di?vine Mercy prayer

FATHER JOE: It does not matter.
Jeff Lawson, on June 27, 2023 at 6:54 pm said:

On 1 Corinthians Paul says women are to wear veils.
Today some do and some don’t.
Should they?

FATHER JOE: It is a transitory custom and not obligatory.
Heather Bell, on June 26, 2023 at 5:10 pm said:

I recently read on a site about the catechism, where a person saw a child with a eucharist and told him to put it in his mouth and he didn’t, and the father of the child took the Eucharist and put it in a shirt. There’s a lot of discussion about whether or not he’s actually Catholic why he was planning to do with that if anything, etc. etc. What is the appropriate act if you see this happened?

FATHER JOE: The Eucharist should be returned to the priest and church.
Sjenny Balaam, on June 23, 2023 at 4:40 am said:

Hi Father Joseph,
I am a semi-pro ficiton writer and these are some silly questions about the Seal of Confession in cases of future harm; I imagine I’m not the first to pull at this thread. I understand the absolute nature of the Seal as it regards the identity of the penitent, but also that Priests are neither robots nor idiots. Is an anonymous call to the cops always an option regarding ticking time bombs, etc? Given that this may well set the wheels in motion that ultimately reveal the identity of the (so-called [in this case]) penitent? And if MI-6 traces the call or otherwise indentifies the priest they can easily search the CCTV from the church door on the day of the tip-off, potentially identifying the bomber? What about the mad scientist who infected himself last year and has been passively spreading the deadly COVID-23 to everyone he meets, including the priest, and the clock is ticking on its 15-month incubation period? Even if he’s penitent, he can’t uninfect the world. I doubt a crackpot-sounding anonymous call to the CDC is sufficient to protect the public, but adding the credibility of the priestly source will leave a trail pointing to prisoner #557216, Dr Fiendly, known to use Father Ted as his confessor. (Obviously these villians have some work to do before getting absolution.)

FATHER JOE:

Both MURDER SHE WROTE and BLUE BLOODS on television have depicted a priest or bishop hinting at wrongdoing that would constitute violation of the seal and automatic excommunication. Fiction writers often do not understand the strict parameters of the sacrament. The secrecy that must be maintained is absolute— no hints about the identity of the penitent or about what wrongs that might be traced back to him or her.

As for your scenarios, the priest cannot make an anonymous call to the police about a ticking time-bomb or about deliberate infections if he comes by the information within the sacrament of penance. The priest cannot act upon what he learns in confession. This includes direct disclosure, intimations or even through personal changes in his behavior. Come Sunday morning the priest must shake hands and smile at congregants as usual, even the ones that smothered grandmother with a pillow and robbed the bank last Thursday. That is why priests earnestly struggle to forget much of what they hear. That is also why many of us prefer the anonymity of the screen.

As an aside, most churches do not have video cameras so as to preserve the confidentiality of penitents.
Jen, on June 22, 2023 at 12:33 pm said:

Hello Father,
I wanted to ask you opinion about a sin I confessed. Last summer I went to the lake for a jog. At the last minute I decided to take off my ring before running. I felt like I did this intentionally to seek attention and as a married woman I know this is not okay. At the time I had been reading extreme romance novels and I believe these are extremely dangerous to our psyche.

When I went to make my confessional list I wasn’t exactly sure how to confess the sin. I confessed to having a lustful heart with a look at me vain attitude on 1 occasion and also added in the circumstance of being married. I didn’t explain taking off my ring. Part of me was embarrassed to share the story but part of me also didn’t think the action itself, taking of the ring, was the sin. I believe it was a sin of heart. Looking back I just want to make sure you don’t think I invalidated my confession by not bringing up taking off my ring. I was embarrassed but also know you have to confess in kind and number and didn’t think that detail would have done that. Thanks for all your insight!

FATHER JOE: Your confession was okay.
Matthew, on June 21, 2023 at 4:19 pm said:

Hi Father, I’ve already done everything that you stated would help and I have done it for many years but the sacraments do not help. You said I treat God like a genii, surely Mary did the same at Cana and all those in the gospels that asked for a miracle, so why is it different for them than it is for me? If God doesn’t want to help me and just cause me constant pain then the least he could do is tell me why he is treating me this way but he won’t do that either. Why has he forced me to live a cruel life, I didn’t want to exist and I don’t want to exist after death, it’s obvious he will be waiting to punish me when I die regardless of what I do. Surely, the many decades of faith, hope, love and trust have been a complete waste of time? He is kind to other catholics so why not me?

FATHER JOE: You asked for counsel, I gave it and after a meager effort, you threw it aside. You must be consistent in your discipleship. Humility would have you accept God’s will, even about that which is difficult. All Mary does at Cana is to announce that the wine has run out and to tell the stewards to do whatever Jesus tells them. She remains the handmaid of the Lord. Many instead of asking for a miracle or healing, make demands of God, instead. That is why some treat the Lord like a genie. If they fail to get what they want, they immediately complain. We must not be envious of the favor that Christ shows others. Pain and suffering come to all. Christ would have us endure and reflect upon our struggle as our part in the passion that he endures for souls. We are given the opportunity to offer ourselves with Jesus to the Father. Our Lord commands us to take up our crosses and to follow him. Too often those who are called throw down their crosses or demand that God make them lighter. Further, the disposition for faith and divine favor requires a profound openness to God’s gift of life. You cannot want oblivion or curse life and expect a hearing from the Lord. You speak of decades of faith, hope, love and trust as a waste of time. But your words betray a personal shallowness regarding these virtues and the need for genuine trust. It may be that you have yet to really believe as you should. The suffering you know may be God’s way of awakening you to the truth. I will keep you in prayer. Continue to say yours. Receive the sacraments. And make the oration of Christ your own . . . his prayer during the agony in the garden. He would be in solidarity with you. Can you remain with him or would you rather run away?
Al Tritt, on June 20, 2023 at 10:46 pm said:

Al says:

They just arrested a man here in Las Vegas who was making and watching what is called ANIMAL CRUSH VIDEOS. This is where people do horrible disgusting torture things to animals until they die. How can there be a God out there. If there is a God, and now I am beginning to doubt that there is, how can he let these things go on. I thought God was supposed to be good. These poor animals go through such horrible painful deaths. Please explain to me why he lets these things happen. If you can.

Father Joe responds:

Six million Jews were exterminated by Hitler. The price of human freedom is terrible. But the fault is ours, not God’s.
Ludovico, on June 19, 2023 at 6:50 pm said:

Good evening Father, I haven’t been to confession for some years. I am ashamed to accuse certain sins, such as how specific should I be with the sins of unclean thoughts? Then Father, I think I made private vows, but I’m not sure, however they concerned trivial things, I don’t know if they are valid or not. I don’t want to go to hell for votes I don’t know if they are valid. Thank you, God bless You.

FATHER JOE: I have rather lost my patience with such excuses as I have gotten older. The equation should be simple. Are you in mortal sin? If in doubt ask yourself basic questions about sexual sins and about failing to keep the precepts of the Church, especially in regard to going to Mass on Sundays and holy days. If you have committed sins with “mortal” matter then you should go to confession. That is all there is to it. Nothing else matters, especially not silly embarrassment. If something is trivial then the priest will tell you. But failing to go to confession for years is itself serious. Stop playing games and just go. Go this weekend. Go today if you can. Peace!
Jennifer, on June 15, 2023 at 1:35 pm said:

Hello Father Joe,

In the past I have made many confessions dealing with impure thoughts, lust, and a look at me attitude. I know I would have included the number of times and the sin. However, recently I was reading online and came to realize that you should also mention if you are married or not and if the person you are having impure thoughts about is married or not. When I made these confessions, I think my husband would have come up in the confessions because I am usually mentioning ways to improve my marriage. However, I think I typically confessed the sin as having impure, lustful thoughts on X occasions. I thought this was complete, but now realize I should have added the extra circumstances. My questions is… I tend to be very scrupulous and am always analyzing the sins I have committed and confessed to see if I was detailed enough. I don’t want to cycle down a path of trying to go back and fix all of these confessions. I believe I did my best in those moments and want to trust in God’s mercy. Moving forward, I now know I would need to add those extra circumstances should those sins ever arise again. Can I let the past be the past and trust that those confessions were okay?

FATHER JOE: Precisely so, there is enough to preoccupy us in the present. Move forward, not backward.
eric, on June 14, 2023 at 8:13 pm said:

Hello Fr. Joe,

Thank you for your answers.

Just curious. Other than the Bible and Catechism, do you have any favorite devotionals for daily prayer and/or supplemental reading?

sincerely,
eric

FATHER JOE:

Every priest also has his breviary or the Liturgy of the Hours and the daily Mass. If you are interested in reading sources, every literate Catholic should be exposed to the following:

The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis
True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort
The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Lisieux
Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross
The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena by St. Catherine of Siena
Abandonment to Divine Providence by Rev. Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade
The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius by St. Ignatius of Loyola
The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila
An Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales
The Life of St. Francis of Assisi by St. Bonaventure

They are available from TAN Publishers.
Chuck, on June 14, 2023 at 5:30 pm said:

Will you acknowledged if y received my text recently

FATHER JOE: I don’t text, so no I did not get it.
Chuy, on June 14, 2023 at 5:29 pm said:

Will God honor my request if I think I am doing the thingy
Thing. I also suffer from scrupulosity and and bro because of this I was told that I do not have the freedom in making decisions
Thank you

FATHER JOE: I have no idea what you are talking about. Sorry.
Barbara, on June 13, 2023 at 9:58 pm said:

Thank you for your answer .I looked in the Catechism and it seems to say blashemy of thr Holy Spirit is being impenitent until death .CCC1864.You are saying blsnhemy of the Holy Spirit is a particular sin i think .I am a bit confused .

FATHER JOE:

CCC 1864 – “Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin.” There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss.

It is as I said— you cannot both reject God’s mercy and still receive his mercy. If one spurns the Spirit of love then one cannot be saved. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit can take many forms. When Jesus is accused of exorcising demons by the power of Beelzebul, such a sin is committed in associating divine intervention with the demonic. If one maligns the Eucharist by denying its participation in Calvary and in making Christ present as our saving food, then again there is a repudiation of divine power and the grace that flows from it. If one sustains this opposition until death then it becomes unpardonable. Note that the catechism says this stance “can lead to final impenitence” for while there is life there is always the possibility for repentance and conversion.
Matthew, on June 13, 2023 at 8:59 pm said:

Why won’t God answer the prayers of catholics that pray daily for many years but happily answers prayers of other catholics? Why won’t he protect us from the demonic when we ask him? Will he care if I kill myself other than being angry at me for doing so? I’ve lost all hope.

FATHER JOE: If you have lost all hope then you do not expect divine intervention and your despair has shut you off from God’s grace. If you write a letter and never post it, will the intended recipient ever read it and respond? No, of course not. Many people talk to themselves or complain but they are not really praying. Wishing as upon a genii’s lamp is also not praying. If you truly want to pray and be heard then go to confession and receive absolution. Participate worthily at Sunday Mass and bring your intentions to the liturgy. When you say your personal prayers, follow the model of the Our Father . . . “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Our posture at prayer should always be an imitation of Christ in the garden, “not my will but Thy will be done.”
Lorik, on June 13, 2023 at 12:10 pm said:

Is eating pork a sin? I’ve heard a lot of times that it is and it isn’t. I thank you for the answer in advance.

FATHER JOE: Christians are permitted to eat pork.
Barbara, on June 12, 2023 at 11:49 pm said:

Father, in one of you previous answers you stated that that someone who could be guilty of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit by disparaging the Mass etc. I thought blasphemy of the Holy Spirit was final impenitence. Are you meaning an unforgivable sin in this case? Thank you for your efforts in helping others

FATHER JOE: Final impenitence is DYING having committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. After death, repentance is impossible. While one is still alive, contrition, absolution and amendment of life remains on the table. In truth, all mortal sin is damning. The difficulty with blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is that one cannot both appeal to God’s power for aid and curse it simultaneously. When Jesus forgives sins and exorcises demons, his critics claim that he does so by the power of Beelzebul, a devil. This is a clear act of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. (Suicide was often a popular example of such a sin because one rejects the gift of life and love from God and thus spurns divine saving power. However, we also recognize that many who kill themselves are not in their right mind and thus there is possible mitigation.) The Mass is a re-presentation of the saving oblation of Calvary, albeit in a clean or unbloody manner. Those who would malign any sacrament that does what it signifies commit a sin against God’s will and power. We can argue about various accidentals in the liturgy but we should never impugn the efficacy given the sacraments that are approved by Holy Mother Church.
Alan, on June 12, 2023 at 5:53 pm said:

Hi. My girlfriend left me over a year ago and so far every relationship I’ve had romantically after her has been very problematic. Is God telling me to return to my ex? Why won’t God let me move on from my ex when I keep praying and begging him to let me move on?

FATHER JOE: Sorry, I do not give romantic advice. However, in all you do, be good, honest and holy.
eric, on June 11, 2023 at 7:34 pm said:

Hello Fr. Joe,
Two or three years ago I was gifted a book – a book that I suggested as a possible gift. It was a brief summary of mythology. Upon reading the book it was clear that the author had biased comments, inaccuracies and even included errors on the origins of Christianity and possibly Judaism, although I can’t remember for sure. I know our faith, but am bothered at having the book on my shelf especially since it contains falsities about our faith. Also worried that the book may lead others astray if I give it away or sell it to a used bookstore… How should one tackle issues like this – a gift that contains errors? Should I dispose of the book, or sell it to a used bookstore and include an index card inside regarding the errors, or should I just keep the book since it was a gift, and ignore its errors? Thank you Fr. Joe.

FATHER JOE: Many books contain errors. It is a non-Catholic book about mythology. I would not expect anyone to approach it as a catechism. More than this I cannot say as you do not give the title.
ben, on June 11, 2023 at 4:40 pm said:

New christian(?) here. No affiliation.
God created everything. Then Adam and Eve sinned against God and fell away from His grace. God knew this would happen. So he gave the law to Moses. Not to give us a path to Him but to teach us that we cannot reach salvation on our own. Then (and He knew He would do all this before He created anything) He sent His son Jesus Christ to pay for our sins. If we believe all this AND regret all the sins we have commited AND humbly ask Jesus to forgive us, then the Holy Spirit will come and live in our hearts and we will be saved, and once we are saved our salvation will not be taken away from us.
My question is (other than did I get the above right) is that I am still a sinner. I WILL sin again. Trust me on that one. And as I reread my words I am very confident that I regret every sin i’ve ever done but I worry that I am not ‘humbly’ asking Jesus for forgiveness. Which, to me, would seem to indicate a lack of faith in His authority. Somewhere in Romans it says not to question ‘The Potter” for making one clay pot for good and one clay pot for bad. How do I know I am not one of the bad clay pots?

FATHER JOE: Catholicism has never subscribed to the Protestant notion of “once saved, always saved.” God made a covenant with the Jewish people, seeking to draw a remnant of the world to himself and to prepare them for the coming of the Messiah. We believe that Jesus is the long-awaited Christ and that he redeems us by his Cross. The commission given the apostles is that a saving faith should be associated with the mystery or sacrament of baptism, “in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Baptism and faith make possible spiritual regeneration however saving grace can be lost by mortal sin. That is why our Lord gives to his priests in the Church the power to forgive sins. Paul speaks about this as the ministry of reconciliation. We are called to a saving faith in Jesus Christ that is made real in loving obedience. This is important because some Protestant critics reduce faith to a verbal profession. But the Bible attests that we must follow the commandments and that charity must always be added to faith and hope (the theological virtues). We are to grow in grace and ever more into the likeness of Christ. Yes, we are sinners but real transformation into holiness is possible. It is not just a juridical standing as proposed by Martin Luther.