Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Olivia, on March 25, 2020 at 8:02 pm said:

Father, I’m a teenager and have no car so I can’t get to a church without my parents driving me. I really want to go to confession but my parents won’t take me because they’re afraid of the coronavirus. I’m terrified of getting sick and dying without going to confession because I’ve committed some mortal sins. Will God forgive me as long as I’m repentant even if I can’t go? Thanks you!

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: God understands. Make a good Act of Contrition. Go later when it becomes possible.
Stacie, on March 25, 2020 at 5:05 pm said:

Fr Joe,
I had set for my Lenten penance, trying to fast daily like in the 1950s. I have been feeling especially cruddy lately (pain, nausea from meds) and I broke it, ate like normal. Also, I gave up alcohol, but there was a little bit of a smoothie made with vodka soaked cranberries and a little extra vodka in the blender in the freezer, and I just added frozen fruit and whey to it for one of my meals without cleaning out the blender.

My priest said that breaking the Lenten fast can be a mortal sin, and I did confess it, but I never clarified that I did not break fast on one of the mandated days. Does that make a difference? I just don’t want to commit a mortal sin in case I feel the need to eat something due to feeling shaky. I can maybe abstain from taking my pain meds, which would help with the nausea. That won’t do my hip and back any good, but I guess we make choices. I’d rather hurt than mortally sin.

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: Take your medicine. You say yourself you did not break your fast on mandated days. It seems that you are being tougher on yourself than the what the Church would ask.
Stacie, on March 25, 2020 at 12:31 pm said:

Father Joe,
Since masses are cancelled, we are unable to obtain indulgences, correct? I can go to confession, but not sacramental communion.

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: It depends upon how the directives for an indulgence are spelled out. You can receive “spiritual communion” by praying with the Mass online.
Daniel, on March 25, 2020 at 11:47 am said:

Hello Father… I have a serious question…I met a woman who is into Wiccan beliefs. Is it okay to date her? I always bring Christ into conversations and feel like it is slowly making an impact on her. Should I keep up the good fight and continue to date her and try to bring her to Christ or should I tuck tail and run?

Thank you very much. Peace of Christ Always!

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: Not knowing either of you, I cannot give you a solid answer. Definitely a person of weak faith should stay clear. My one concern here is honesty, with her and with you. What is it that you both want? Would you make dating coercive or manipulative? Dating or courtship through honest sharing might bring about conversion but that is not its primary ends. Romantic encounters are directed toward relationships of growing trust and intimacy, hopefully leading to marriage. It is not a direct stratagem of evangelism.
James Valko, on March 24, 2020 at 11:42 am said:

This is not a trick question. I am asking it for two reasons. First, I am writing a book and I really need a priest to answer it for research purposes. Secondly, I really want to know. Here it is.

IF heaven is real, why are Christians so afraid to die? It seems like it would be just the opposite. Thank you.

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: Saving faith can sour. Repentance, mortification, penance, acts of charity, obedience to the commandments, and renewed conversion can restore us to right relationship with God. While certain fundamentalist Protestants believe in “once saved, always saved” the Catholic take on “blessed assurance” is that we live “in the hope” for our ultimate salvation. This is the background to my answer. First, we may be fearful of not being prepared, the possible pains of purgatory and the possible fires of hell along with eternal alienation from God. Second, as believers we are to regard the gift of life (starting in this world) as a prized gift from God that should be cherished and not thrown away. Third, the opposite might be regarded as the great heresy of Catharism— ritual suicide.
lydiaogrady, on March 22, 2020 at 7:48 pm said:

If a person is not Catholic (Lutheran or non-denominational) can I still have Mass said for the repose of their soul?

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: While there is some restriction upon funeral Masses, the intentions given to regular Masses would not be so severe. We can pray for anyone.
Lydia, on March 22, 2020 at 6:58 pm said:

I had a brother that died several hours after being born. I do not know if he was ever baptized but he is buried in a Catholic cemetery in a different state. My parents are deceased and my relatives do not know any further details since my parents were devastated and never talked about him. What happens to babies that are not baptized? Would offering Masses benefit them or will they remain in limbo?

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: Masses are not generally rendered for infants but parishes do not usually inquire about the identities for which stipends are offered. A baptized child would certainly be in heaven. As for the unbaptized, many still claim a belief in limbo but the theory finds no place in the universal catechism which seems to presume that a good God will not forget them. Prayers offered for the dead center upon purgatory not upon limbo. If there is no limbo then remembering them in prayers and liturgies (as members of our families) may be an external way to show “our desire for their salvation” and to make a claim upon them as the Church. (I am reminded of the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen’s Prayer for the Spiritual Adoption of those Unborn Children in Danger of Abortion.)
Diana, on March 22, 2020 at 6:15 pm said:

What would be the position of the Catholic Church on who gets preference in treatment? Would it matter if the patient was a priest instead of a layman?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-hardest-questions-doctors-may-face-who-will-be-saved-who-won-e2-80-99t/ar-BB11w2qB

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: A story was told about an Italian priest who opted not to accept treatment so that another might benefit. He died. This is an instance of sacrificial love. As for the choices that doctors and nurses face, the criteria would be made according to need and to whether such treatment held any hope of being effective. Clergy get no preferential treatment.
Hendra Sutandinata, on March 21, 2020 at 6:43 pm said:

Thank you again Fr Joe for the wonderful 5 minute daily homilies that you recorded. They surely will quench the listeners’ thirsts in these trying times.

Our own St Peter Canisius International parish in Jakarta have to temporarily suspend masses. Instead we now holds online masses, that in some ways we hope will actually also draw in, those who are seeking solace but found going to church too big of a leap. As in the US, we are finding it difficult to reach out to our youth, so perhaps through this medium that they are most comfortable with, we can connect better. All in God’s perfect timing, so perhaps we are at the cusp of the new evangelization movement of the Church!

If I may, here’s a recording of the English online mass of our St. Peter Canisius International parish in Jakarta for the Fourth Sunday of Lent:
Joseph Bangle, on March 21, 2020 at 8:03 am said:

Is the Holy Spirit contained in Holy Water? Is our Lord always present in the Tabernacle?

01-08-21 FATHER JOE: The real presence of the risen Christ, humanity and divinity, whole and complete, is maintained in the hosts reserved in the tabernacle. The Holy Water is blessed for use as a sacramental but there is no parallel presence of the Holy Spirit. Its use recalls our baptism and is employed for blessings and minor exorcisms.
Szymon, on March 16, 2020 at 2:53 pm said:

I thought I blasphemed against the Holy Spirit— I had no hope— but it was not a sin against the Holy Spirit. Now, I am scared that I committed the sin of despair. Should I be concerned?

FATHER JOE: Keep faith and be obedient to the admonition from Christ, “Be not afraid.”
Lavell, on March 10, 2020 at 6:08 pm said:

Given the deserved nationwide concern about Coronavirus, I am surprised no one has asked about the issue of going to Mass with the congregations. What do you say?

FATHER JOE: Be careful just as one would regarding the flu or colds.
Kelly, on March 10, 2020 at 5:42 pm said:

Can priests see people’s souls? Or have a general idea what is going on with that person’s soul just by looking at them?

If a woman requests an appointment for spiritual counseling with a priest, do priests assume the woman is there to temp them or is stepping outside her marriage?

FATHER JOE: There are some saintly priests who had the gift of reading souls but most confessors do not have this gift. If a person asks for spiritual direction, the presumption is that he or she wants assistance with prayer life and discipleship.
Jeff, on March 9, 2020 at 9:22 pm said:

Thank you Nick!
Nick, on March 9, 2020 at 8:42 pm said:

Dear Jeff,

I have been in a similar situation to you and so I felt I should reply to your question.

Apart from being against the constant teaching of the Church, using contraception would be no guarantee that your wife would not get pregnant. As I’m sure you know, all forms of contraception have a failure rate (which can be found online). Using NFP actually has a lower failure rate than some forms of contraception (though it may be harder for you and your wife to use because of the irregularity of periods in pre-menopause and, perhaps, your wife’s condition). Even without NFP, your wife’s age makes her chance of getting pregnant less than 1% (i.e. as effective as any contraception in a younger woman). Again you can find this information online.

Unless your wife opts for the surgery, the only 100% effective way of ensuring your wife doesn’t get pregnant is, as Fr. Joe said, the heroic option of complete abstinence. However, you may find that through prayerful consideration with your wife (and, perhaps, your priest and/or doctor) you decide that using NFP combined with your wife’s age will make the chances of her getting pregnant so low that it is worth taking the risk of continuing with your sexual relations. I’m sure it is all in God’s hands and he will guide you to make the right decision if you give it all to Him. May our Lady and St. Joseph intercede for you.

I will pray for your situation.

God bless,

Nick
Jeff, on March 9, 2020 at 8:38 pm said:

Thank you.
Jeff, on March 9, 2020 at 5:04 pm said:

Thank you Father. I should have been more specific. My wife has a benign fibroid tumer in her uterus. It is large but she does not have terrible symptoms. It would be problematic if she were to get pregnant. She is 50 years old and is hoping that in menopause she will see some reduction in the size as is common. So she has relied on prayer and natural things such as diet right now. Her doctor said there is no pressing need for sugery. Surgery would be a hystorectomy and that is a major surgery and it has some negative effects that come with it. This is the reason she has been postponing any surgical remedy. We do have a strong, loving and faith-filled marriage of 32 years. We have not been able to get good direction with this situation. I reach out to you because I respect your guidance.

Thanks a bunch……Jeff

FATHER JOE: I have two friends that had fibroids. One treated it with a surgical scraping to preserve fertility but they returned. One was post-menopause and the other was in the early transition where pregnancy was possible. Both ended up having hysterectomies. They can be quite painful and there is a danger from bleeding. Many couples in their brokenness use contraception and they bring this struggle to confession. However, I can only give you the message of the Church that deliberate contraception conflicts both with our understanding of natural law as well as with our appreciation of the sacrament of marriage. Most women enter menopause between 45 and 55 years of age. If the marital act is judged as too precarious for her wellbeing then the heroic option would be abstinence.
Dianna, on March 8, 2020 at 11:15 pm said:

I was raised Roman Catholic but converted to Judaism. My question is: is it possible to become a Catholic again?

FATHER JOE: If you were baptized Roman Catholic then the Church still regards you as a Catholic, albeit one that has fallen away from practice. Any return to living as a Catholic would begin with meeting and confession with a priest. If there are elements of Judaism that you find attractive or if it is something that you can trace through your family line, then you might want to also join the Association of Hebrew Catholics (https://www.hebrewcatholic.net/).
Jeff, on March 8, 2020 at 6:09 pm said:

Fr. Joe,
I need some help. My wife has a cantelope sized tumor in her uterrus and is dealing with it through prayer and natural means as to void major surgery. It would be a serious problem if she were to become pregnant right now. In this situation would the church say no to contraception? There are to many issues with this condition to make NFP a safe option. So the alternative would be abstenace.

FATHER JOE: Unless the contraceptive drug is to control bleeding and pain then its use would be problematical. While I certainly value the power of prayer, the good Lord also gives us men and women with medical skills to help heal and to treat people. St. Luke who wrote one of the Gospels was a physician. I am dubious about natural means of treating such cancers. A tumor the size you suggest is incredibly serious and most women I know would seek out surgery even if it meant the loss of fertility. Her life is a higher value and so I would urge the both of you to further consult with medical professionals. I understand that perpetual abstinence would be difficult for a couple the loves each other and desires to share such intimacy. But again, I think the real question here is what must be done to save her life? I will keep the two of you in prayer.
Arthur Huot, on March 8, 2020 at 2:15 am said:

During the current Coronavirus situation, the pastor at mass said that we should not be shaking hands at the Sign of Peace. Along the same lines, if a person has symptoms of the flu or Coronavirus they should stay home and would be excused from mass. I totally understand.

It was reported on CNN yesterday that two top infectious disease experts with ties to the federal government have advised people over 60 and those with underlying health problems to strongly consider avoiding activities that involve large crowds.

I’m elderly, with underlying medical conditions causing a weakened immune system with a higher risk of being contagious. It’s not always possible to attend mass without others being seated very close.

I’m trying my best not to catch this virus.

FATHER JOE: Given what I read from my archdiocese and other dioceses, you would be dispensed during this health crisis. Say your prayers at home and mail in your contribution envelope.
Jeff, on March 7, 2020 at 8:04 pm said:

Hi, Father. When I was 16-18, I’ve done something for years that I’ve been constantly regretting and wishing i have never done. Between those years, I’ve been lusting and under the influence of pornography, it feels like I was a space to it. I knew almost everyday I was sinning against God but yet I continued on doing it for my pleasure. Today, I regret all I have done after I started going back to God. I really regret what I did and I’ve stopped being under its influence for a while now & it’s been such a difficult challenge but I pray to God to forgive me and give me strength to free me from sinning. I know that I have sinned so much and I do not deserve God’s forgiveness for all the constant sin and bad things I have done. I’ve been having intense anxiety knowing that God might be mad at me and that the constant sin I’ve done is unforgivable. I’m scared and it’s affecting my mental health because I’m afraid that I will one day go to Hell for the rest of my life just because of mg actions & hormones when I was 16-18. Will God forgive me and accept me besides the fact that I’ve done something against him over?

FATHER JOE: You may be upset with yourself but God does not hold grudges. God loves you and wants you with him. He is always ready to forgive those who come to him with contrite hearts. Catholics are urged to go to confession and can take special assurance in the priest’s absolution. However, what makes it possible is an honest acknowledgment or confession of fault, true sorrow for sin (knowing that we have offended God and do not want to forsake being in his presence) and an amendment of life (seeking the best we are able and by God’s grace to avoid sin and to do that which is good and pleasing in the eyes of God).
Anon, on March 7, 2020 at 7:56 pm said:

Hi Father!
I am observing and teaching a little at a Catholic high school and the teacher whose classroom I am in was saying to the students in one class that it is only a sin to go to fortune tellers if you believe it, and that the fortune tellers are only sinning if they believe it. Later on in the day, we had the same class again in another period and I was sitting in the back and the teacher asked the class if they thought fortune telling was a sin and then she kind of put me on the spot and wanted me to tell the class that it was only a sin if you believe in that stuff, so I kinda just said that. But in my mind I disagreed because it’s a sin to go to fortune tellers and horoscopes even if you don’t believe in it right? I think I committed scandal and now I don’t know what to do. Am I obligated to correct the teacher and somehow tell the class on Monday that she was wrong? I’m not the one teaching that class yet so I’m not sure how that would work. I will start teaching that class soon though so should I bring up the subject of fortune telling (we are reading Dante’s Inferno) later on when I am teaching and correct my co-op teacher? Thank you for your help and advice. Oh also, after I said the thing about fortune telling, that teacher said she used to do ouijaa boards when she was young and that it wasn’t a big deal because that stuff is stupid/not real. And now I just hope the students don’t think that I agree with that because I don’t. I’m just not sure if I committed a mortal sin when I told the kids that fortune telling is only a sin when you belileve it (but again, the teacher kind of put me on the spot and wanted me to just tell the kids what she had taught in the previous class)

FATHER JOE:

The pastor should be notified. He is the person morally responsible for the proper religious formation of his parish children. The errant teacher is telling children it is okay to break the first commandment. This is grievously wrong.

Quote the universal catechism:

[CCC 2116] All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to “unveil” the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.

Both the Old and the New Testament forbid consulting with mediums or psychics or fortune-tellers. One can laugh about how silly and wrong are the predictions from fortune-cookies. You have paid money for a meal, not for the cookie. Similarly, one want might take some small amusement from the horoscope in a newspaper, especially given coincidences or how badly they regularly assess matters. You are buying the paper for news, not for the astrology section. But consulting a so-called psychic or fortune-teller directly is wholly different.

The rationalization that it is okay for one who places no faith in it is a fallacy. Why would you pay good money to have someone lie to you? Is it not because on a certain level one is uncertain and has a desire for secret or forbidden knowledge? Teens and others who have played with Ouija boards have sometimes found themselves afflicted by demonic obsession or even possession. A fortune-teller or medium invokes hidden powers and spirits. You might think it is fun and games, but Christianity teaches us that the spiritual world is real. If you invoke something then something might respond by making itself present.

Let me enumerate on a few of the reasons why such consultation is wrong:

1. It is a violation of Sacred Scripture, Old and New Testament (see Revelation 21:8 and 2 Kings 21:6).

2. It is condemned by sacred tradition and the teachings of the Church’s catechism.

3. It is a poor testimony that conflicts with an actively realized faith and is condemned as false worship and a dishonor to almighty God.

4. It is a negative witness toward superstition that may cause scandal and convince those who are dubious that it is permitted by the Church.

5. Fortune-tellers are inherently involved with the occult. Sorcery or witchcraft is condemned for appealing, not to God, but to unseen forbidden spirits or powers. This can make one more susceptible to demonic oppression or even possession.

Given so many concerns, why would anyone think it is ever okay?
F.A., on March 7, 2020 at 12:55 am said:

I am curious to know whether my mom coercing or forcing me into a medical procedure when I was already the age of majority is a sin. Several year ago, my mom and a physician’s assistant either coerced or forced me into having several skin biopsies and a skin excision done. This was because the physician’s assistant suspected pre-melanoma. I was already an adult, which means the medical decision was up to me. Although I wanted to avoid these procedures and suggested to see a different practitioner for a second opinion, my mom wanted the procedures done at the place she wanted and as soon as possible. What my mom and the physician’s assistant did was illegal.

I have been suicidal since the surgeries, and the pain from the scars has been incredibly difficulty for me to live with. Over a year later, my mom and I saw a surgical oncologist who said that no moles at the time of our visit with him necessarily needed biopsies.

Yesterday I saw a different physician’s assistant who offers a non-invasive skin biopsy technology called DermTech. He told me that my skin looked perfectly fine and that I did not need any biopsies at that visit. He has asked for past records at my former dermatology office. From my understanding, once he receives them, he will tell me any further findings about my past biopsies. Subjectively, he told me that from my office visit that my past skin procedures were likely unnecessary. However, these claims cannot be better verified until he looks over my past dermatology records. He said that pre-melanoma can often be misdiagnosed as a harmless form of dysplastic nevi. He shared that any dysplastic nevi he had seen on me were common for someone my age. If a medical professional were to find any suspicious moles, then I would try the non-invasive DermTech option.

Was my mom’s breaking a medical law a sin considering I was forced to have the procedures when it was legally my choice to make? I wanted to seek any alternative treatments while she did not at the time. The medical coercion or force is connected to my suicidal thoughts. Diagnosing any skin cancer has been a very gray area for me. The physician’s assistant I saw yesterday told me in his own words that there can be negative positives and that the training for the lab technicians analyzing the biopsies can vary. What are your thoughts on this matter? Even though my mom said she did what she did was out of love, there were other was potential for other options. She just did not want to take the time.

Although my mom now appreciates a new perspective with yesterday’s physician’s assistant, she said she would still rather undergo surgeries to prevent any chance of a potential cancer from evolving. I respect her decision for herself. As for myself, I would rather try the non-invasive DermTech tape biopsies to avoid any unnecessary scarring that could contribute to my suicidal ideation.

FATHER JOE:

You insist that your mother and a physician’s assistant forced you (as an adult) to have certain medical procedures and that what they did was illegal. I am not sure I follow. Are you saying they tied you up and did the skin biopsies against your will? If so, then you should have called the police. Are you incompetent and your mother is the legal guardian? I cannot make sense of this. If they did not employ force then you always could have said no and walked out.

Your mother was not sinning by looking out for your welfare. If you were a minor then you were morally under her charge. But you say that you were the “age of majority”? You cannot fault your mother for your own passivity. I think you also probably wrong your mother for faulting her as the one culpable for your suicidal thoughts. Go see a therapist.
Anonymous, on March 6, 2020 at 2:49 am said:

Father Joe,
I was listening to Fr Casey Cole on YouTube. He was talking about confession and said he has never heard anyone confess being troubled because they have too much money.

My husband and I are well off. We are both pharmacists. I work part time. We give heavily to the church and other charities, but we have a decent sized savings account. We use it to pay for stuff for the house so we don’t have to pay interest on a loan, such as the new roof we just had installed. It was also there in case of a tornado or other disaster, or a medical disaster such as a stroke, cancer, etc. We weren’t hoarding money, at least not in my view.

Is having such an account considered sinful?

Also, we recently dug into it to pay for a professional interventionalist to get my brother to agree to go to rehab. I don’t begrudge it. However, he has now left rehab against advice and if we need these people again their services come at a rate of $1500/day plus travel expenses. This could quickly become a bottomless pit.

Admittedly I have struggled with not worrying about it. I am in need of a hip replacement. My hours are about to be cut back at work. Neither of those things will make us destitute, but how am I to know when to say no for further expenses? Jesus wants us to give freely without asking for repayment, but am I to just keep handing out money?

My sister is on unemployment. She hasn’t asked for any money, but when my parents, to whom she is $30K in debt die, who is going to help her? And I hate to say this, but I don’t want to be the next person expected to pick her up out of another hole. She is notorious for bad decisions and poor spending habits.

God has blessed us with a good living. But we are both over 50 and need to be thinking about retirement, etc. We are going to need a new car soon. The heat pump is almost 10 years old.

How far do we take this “give generously” and “the money in your vault belongs to the poor”? Do I have to give it all away in order to be just? Then if the house blows away or my husband has a stroke I rely on the government? I’m not being snarky, I really want to know. Because I am trying to turn my life to God, but some things just don’t sound very smart. However, I don’t want to “smart” my way into Hell. It is worth noting that this is not just MY money. It is my husband’s, too.

Thank you for reading this super long mess, I hope you can make some sense out of it.

FATHER JOE: I did not know who Fr. Cole was so I took a peek on YouTube… God bless him he looks like a young kid! Of course, it may simply be that I am getting older and the many new priests appear as boys. I am not sure how many confessions he has heard but I suspect that I have listened to more and that would include what many would regard as absurdities. I can remember the types of sins but I pretty much forget who told me what. Remaining abstract and vague is vital for preserving the seal. Having said all this, I can recall cases where penitents were concerned about their wealth and how that impacted upon their standing with Christ. I have even been asked, “How much is too much?” It is not my place to make such assessments, but there are many people of means who see their affluence as associated with singular social responsibilities. The cynical would argue that the rich have to be forced to give to charities by the use of tax incentives. This is often not the case. Many desire a comfortable and secure life and the ability to give their children a step up; but they also give and run various charity and social initiatives. They want to pass on the blessings that God has bestowed upon them. Instead of looking down upon the poor and disadvantaged, they desire to assist their brothers and sisters. This will not always mean a handout. It might be a grant to a school for students from low-income families. It might be in the medical insurance and benefits that they offer their employees. Frequently condemned and caricatured as misers, the broader picture is much more complex. There are wealthy or well-to-do people who do much as instruments of Christ in realizing something of the kingdom in this world. Similarly, while the poor are often generous seemingly beyond their means; there are others consumed with jealousy and greed for what others have. True charity does not promote dependence but rather encourages and enables people to take charge of their lives. This is a lesson missed by many critics. Jesus does not condemn those who have wealth and material things. He urges instead a poverty of spirit where we are not possessed by what we have and place our true treasure in the gifts of Christ’s kingdom. It sounds to me that you are already pretty much on the right track. God bless!
Andrew S, on March 4, 2020 at 8:02 pm said:

I am a practicing Catholic and even spent 6 years in the Seminary before realizing I did not have a call to a Priestly Vocation. After leaving the Seminary I spent many years away from the Church and during this time got married to my non-practicing jewish wife in a Civil Ceremony. I love here dearly and have been married to her for 26 years. We never had any biological children and she has always been supportive of my Catholic beliefs. During the last couple years I have been regularly attending Mass and confession, My wife is now disabled and is in need of my care and support. I have had people tell me that our relationship is sinful as she is not Catholic and we were married in a civil ceremony and I struggle with comments made by people thinking that I should throw a 26 year relationship out the window. Though she has no desire to become Catholic or be married in a Catholic Wedding, I can’t bring myself to walk away at this point in our lives.

FATHER JOE:

You should not have to walk away from her. Given that there were no prior bonds, the civil marriage might be resolved by simple convalidation (repeating the vows with two witnesses) or with a radical sanation. A radical sanation is utilized when the non-Catholic party will not repeat the vows. The legal marriage is “healed at the root” and this retroactively makes the “legal” marriage “valid” from the start. (I have never been able to get my head around the latter, but I trust the Church on such matters.) Here is what the code of canon law (canon 1161) stipulates:

§1. The radical sanation of an invalid marriage is its convalidation without the renewal of consent, which is granted by competent authority and entails the dispensation from an impediment, if there is one, and from canonical form, if it was not observed, and the retroactivity of canonical effects.

§2. Convalidation occurs at the moment of the granting of the favor. Retroactively, however, it is understood to extend to the moment of the celebration of the marriage unless other provision is expressly made.

§3. A radical sanation is not to be granted unless it is probable that the parties wish to persevere in conjugal life.

Talk to your local priest about how to proceed. Peace!