Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

James, on April 6, 2018 at 12:40 am said:

Hello father. How do i go about changing rites from eastern to latin.i feel like i made a mistake. I feel like i chose the Eastern Rite for vain reasons. A way to seem unique cool or different rather than look at the actual implications of it. I only have access to a Eastern parish once a month. I do attend a roman Church every other Sunday. I know it seems stupid but it is completely holding me back i have anxiety attacks because i feel like i made a mistake i joined something for vain reasons i dont feel at home in the eastern rite i feel at home in the roman.i had anxiety choosing between the two and i just chose one of them the Eastern rite. I feel like this was a mistake. I know i can go attend a latin parish all i want but I still dont feel at home i feel like a black sheep.I let down those in my roman parish whom i did rcia at.If you need back story i posted maybe a few days ago under the same name.I am feeling absolute dread im feeling very anxious to the point where in the day I dont have a single moment of peace in the day. Sadly not even when praying. Its holding me back from growing in the faith it is leading to me using sinful coping mechanisms.the anxiety is killing me inside. Im struggling to hold on to the tiny strands of sanity i have left. So please what can I do to change rites. What should i tell my priest. Are my hands tied? Am i held a prisoner?

FATHER JOE: I would not speak about your membership in an Eastern rite of the Catholic Church as a form of bondage or slavery. The Eastern rites claim a vast richness from Eastern spirituality and ritual to the whole treasury of spiritual gifts and faith available in the Catholic Church. A change of rites is difficult and requires membership in an Eastern rite parish for a year and the concurrence of both the local Eastern and Latin bishops. I would suggest that you drop the matter. Your feelings of anxiety, betrayal and dread over the situation have no real basis in truth. You might need counseling but you do are not in need of a change in rite. You can satisfy your Sunday obligation in any Catholic Church. This should be sufficient for you.
Talei, on April 5, 2018 at 11:17 pm said:

Thank you for responding to my question Fr.; from when I was little; I always found it amazing that Jesus would actually choose to die for us; God really loves us; we are so lucky and blessed; but then I always wondered: why did Jesus have to die? why did Jesus even choose the cross? ….. but your last line answers it “since suffering and death came into the world through sin; the faithful surrender of Christ on the Cross brought redemption and eternal life.”

That aside … at the time of Jesus’s persecution; He was being persecuted because He stood up for sinners; because He saw a lot of things that were supposedly “God-like” but were really not; and He corrected it; He did a lot of good things; He healed the sick; the blind; the leppers; He even raised the dead; and that was FOUR days after Lazarus’s death; He did soooooo many wonderful things but why didn’t the Pharisees recognize Jesus as the Son of God; my goodness, even the demons that were chased into swine’s; recognized him; the prophets prophesied his coming; and not just his coming but how he would come and what he would do. Why didn’t they recognize him?

FATHER JOE: Why do people hate and slur the late Mother Teresa (who gave so many hope and compassion)? How can mothers abort the children in their wombs? Why would we fixate on a few bad priests when most have been faithful and loving pastors? Why would people now dismiss the late Pope John Paul II when even former President Gorbachev said he was instrumental in the fall of Soviet oppression in Europe? The answer is sin and how the devil can numb hearts and minds to the truth.
Marcia, on April 5, 2018 at 9:49 pm said:

Dear Father,

This is Marcia again,yes am Catholic am in the start of processing my annulment… about my daughters… they just suddenly started accusing my partner of verbally abusing them and just not liking him anymore as a person to live with in general… I understand my partner can be direct and straight forward… but he has never yelled, hurt and throw or shown any fits of tatrums… he is actually a very kind gentleman who just wanted to set my daughters straight… coz ever since my disability no one has taken cared of me or the house except him… he’s just wanting them to shape up and do their fair share in the house… both him and I have shared our struggles with the girls to my parents and siblings… and as always we are reminded to be patient and tolerant as we have always been… then just one day my parents cane bursting in our home interrogating me about the true nature of our relationship… this was a time when I started
being suicidal… it seems that the girls just started telling them the total opposite of the struggles we were having with them and blaming my partner for my suicidal tendency so now my parents has disowned me and my partner… and my girls is making me choose … we were totally blind sided and caught off hairs and really didn’t know what still is going on… they just want me to end the relationship because my daughters 21 and 19… doesn’t want him in the house anymore… again with only explaining ng the reason as my partner always telling them off, nosy, doesn’t know how to mind his own business, talks down on them and is lazy and not helping me in the house… which is totally not true… ever since being disabled my partner has been the one driving me to my appts, doing grocery and helping me on heavy household chores, he’s been the one supporting us financially as well so am really confused as to why and like you I me and my partner also believe that something is missing in their story and reasoning… but really Father am asking is should I choose my family over my partner? I know we are not married yet but we plan to be and have made commitments to each other to take care of the other and grow old together… this is something I have never experienced from my previous marriage… and ever since I met him my family has always said their happy that he makes me happy and am just so confused as to what has happened? Should I choose my daughter before the man who has not only saved and changed me but my family from our previous tragic life? If I had been married to him should I choose my daughters or my husband?

FATHER JOE: I am too remote from your situation to be any real help. You need to discuss these matters with a priest who can counsel the two of you face-to-face. What alarms me is that you speak about being suicidal and that your family blames your partner for this change in your status. Nevertheless, you speak about how he has been a help to you, even saying that he has “saved and changed” you. Are your girls acting out of spite or some other negative motivation or do they see something that you do not? I have no ability to know and can only ask questions. If all the relationships are healthy ones, you should not have to decide for one over another. I will keep you in prayer.
Diane, on April 5, 2018 at 6:11 pm said:

Dear Father Joseph,

I asked this question before but maybe I submitted it incorrectly, because I haven’t seen a response.

I am 50 years old and live alone. Previously, I had fallen away from the Church and have been married and divorced, civilly, twice… to non baptized men. I have returned to my faith and I would like to know if I may receive the Sacraments. Particularly, the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Thank you in advance for your reply.

FATHER JOE: I remember answering this before, but YES, you may return to the sacraments.
monhix, on April 5, 2018 at 6:08 pm said:

Hello Father,

Can you please explain how Grace works on a soul in mortal sin? How does a person come to repentance if not because of Grace? Is there a way/certain prayers, etc that we can pray for others to obtain that Grace for them? What makes a certain prayer more “powerful” than another prayer?

Thank you for time and explanations.

FATHER JOE:

Grace makes possible the forgiveness of sin. When it comes to a person in mortal sin, the dead literally come to life again. While certain graces are bestowed by the sacraments, grace as the action of God cannot utterly be locked within the sacraments. God acts where he wills. Prayers or invocations are not judged more powerful from one another simply by the words employed. Prayers are not magical spells. Much depends upon the disposition or openness to grace from the person who believes and prays.

As Catholics we often make a distinction between sanctifying (saving) grace and actual (helping) grace. Those justified by the Lord receive both. I will accent the former. My explanation on the question here in part depends upon how one further defines grace and appreciating its variants. God’s grace draws people to repentance and conversion. However, this understanding of grace must be distinguished from that which comes with baptism and the sacraments. Our initiation into the faith makes possible baptismal grace. All sins are forgiven. We are made a new creation and incorporated into the Church and the family of God. We become adopted sons and daughters to the heavenly Father. The divine life abides with us giving us a share in eternal life.

Grave sin forfeits baptismal grace and wounds our link to the saving community. The sacrament of penance allows a person to turn back to the Lord and to recover “the grace of justification.” Contrition, confession and satisfaction are not only the penitent’s acts, but are made possible by the movement of the Holy Spirit and the intervention of the Church. Christ perpetuates his ministry or is active in the sacraments. The transforming power that makes forgiveness possible is that of the Holy Spirit. Together, God’s power enables the sacraments to confer the grace they signify. Grace is a gift to which the person must be properly disposed.

Grace as a favor or gift makes us sharers of the divine nature and of eternal life. God becomes a man so that humanity might be divinized by grace. We cannot merit saving grace. God takes the initiative. We are saved, not by faith alone but by grace alone. It is by grace that we believe and can say that Jesus is Lord. It is by grace that we can have faith in Christ’s saving work. The Holy Spirit transforms us in Christ. We are able to do good works because on our transformation into Christ. The Lord is alive with us. Whatever the Lord does, has value or merit. Neither faith nor works merit the grace of justification. It is a gift. We are moved by grace to consent to God’s offer to us. He makes it possible for us to say yes to God and to cooperate with him.
Albert r Salanitri, on April 5, 2018 at 4:48 pm said:

Once again thank you for your reply and your insight and setting the record straight on the matter. We are all blessed to have you articulate your wisdom and take the time for all of us to message you.
Cathy, on April 5, 2018 at 12:50 pm said:

Hello: We four grown adults were all raised in a Catholic home: Mass every Sunday, CCD, confirmation/baptism, sacraments. Now two of my siblings, as adults, have elected to drop their Catholic roots. One attends a Lutheran church with her family, and I’m not sure the other attends any church. We are all nearly or over 50. Does this mean they will not get to heaven? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: Cathy, we leave the matter of ultimate salvation with the Lord. We cannot read hearts. I have a hard time imagining Jesus condemning anyone who truly loves him. However, having said this, you are right to be concerned when Catholics separate themselves from the Church, especially those who were fully initiated. They should know better. We can pray for their return or at least hope that their ignorance might somehow save them. The Catholic Church is the community of faith directly established by Jesus Christ. The Church as his Mystical Body is the great mystery or sacrament of salvation. Unity with Christ is realized within the Church. Rejection of the faith often emerges from a damaged faith… a failure to trust the kerygma that has been revealed and passed down to us. We know that the sacramental life is vital. We are nurtured by the Eucharist and forgiven in the sacrament of penance. The loss of the sacraments is always detrimental. Why did one sibling join the Lutherans? Was it a matter of family harmony or religious dissent? Why did the other sibling seem to fall away entirely? How these questions are answered will say a great deal about their standing before the Lord. Both have sacrificed important helps from God that are made available in the Catholic Church for mercy and growth in holiness. It may be that all you can do is to keep them in prayer and to continue your Catholic witness in faith and charity.
ariel, on April 5, 2018 at 11:24 am said:

Father, what are the joys of being a priest?

FATHER JOE: The greatest joy is found in being an instrument of Christ in bringing the gift of forgiveness and salvation to others. The life of a priest centers upon Word and Sacrament. He regularly makes present the person and the power or saving activity of Christ in the Eucharist. He hears the confessions of the contrite and grants them absolution. As a sentinel of the kingdom, He serves his people with a celibate love. He teaches and preaches that God so loved us that he sent his only Son to redeem us and to make us adopted sons and daughters of the heavenly Father, kin to Christ and inheritors of the kingdom of heaven. He signifies in his own body the iconic presence of Jesus in the Church community.
John, on April 5, 2018 at 2:01 am said:

Father, is it a sin for a heterosexual to live with a boyfriend/girlfriend if there is no sexual intimacy involved? Why or why not?

FATHER JOE: If one can avoid scandal and sexual activity, then the disorientation alone is not a sin. However, might the couple be fooling themselves? Are they placing themselves into “the near occasion of sin” or temptation?
Adrian, on April 4, 2018 at 4:37 pm said:

Dear Father,

I know this is a bit long of a question but if you have the time I would appreciate a response. I flew back home from the city where I attend school. I pretty much am done with my studies and will graduate soon. I’m pretty sure my dad wants me to stay at home until graduation, and then fly back just for graduation. I clearly do not want to do this, given that I have friends, a girl friend, and events coming up in addition to a part time job at the city where I attend school, and since it’s my last month being there, I want to spend my time there before graduation. My mom understands this, but my father would get mad if that is the only reason to fly back. Essentially, in order to have me fly back, my mom and I lied to my dad and told him that I need to present a presentation for a competition. I do know this is wrong; I directly lied to my dad. Is this also considered in a way stealing? Because I’m technically spending money on flights, food etc. at the city when I shouldn’t be, without my dad’s consent? My mom and dad both work hard to pay for my expenses and I am grateful. But it’s confusing because my mom knows and is letting me go. My dad is letting me go as well, but thinks it’s because of the competition.

Thank you Father,
All the best!

FATHER JOE:

Given that what you describe is part of the whole experience of going to school, I would not term this as stealing; however, there is no getting around the matter of lying. I cannot speak to your family dynamics but you must be careful as your mother has been drawn into the deception. There may be little you can do about it now. In the future, I would emphasize backing your decision with the truth, particularly the issues you noted:

• A girlfriend relationship (this has moral weight);
• Events coming up and other relationships; and
• A part-time job situation for which you are responsible.

Further, while you might be largely done with studies, schools and faculties usually frown on students disappearing or taking off early. As a young adult you must be faithful to your associations, to work and to school. There is a whole package that comes along with a college education that must be satisfied. This will insure recommendations for future choices. Relationships will change, but certain friendships last a lifetime and must be treated fairly. You are beginning to live your own life and your father needs to understand this.

God bless!
Anonymous, on April 4, 2018 at 6:55 am said:

Hello Father,
I’m in need of some encouragement. I’m in a bad situation in my life and I keep praying night after night for God to please get me out the situation. I feel like God is ignoring me and days go by as things get worse. I just don’t what to do. I still keep my faith in God but sometimes it is hard. Thank you.

FATHER JOE: Not knowing what your “bad situation” is, there is little I can say. Sometimes bad things happen and we are not promised perfect happiness in this world. Often we place ourselves in difficult predicaments. While God can give us strength and courage, often we must work our way through problems. We can appeal to friends, family and the parish for help or guidance. Faith can move mountains but it is not magic. Remember, the message of our Lord, reiterated again and again during the season of Lent. Our Lord calls to us to take up our crosses in following him. He will ultimately lead us all to Easter joy!
Talei, on April 4, 2018 at 2:22 am said:

Hi Father, what is the meaning behind Matthew 27:51, i.e. when the temple veil was torn in two from top to bottom?

FATHER JOE:

We should look at the entire context:

“But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit. And behold, the veil of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth quaked, rocks were split, tombs were opened, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised. And coming forth from their tombs after his resurrection, they entered the holy city and appeared to many” (Matthew 27:50-53).

There were two veils before the tabernacle in the temple. This probably refered to the inner one before the Holy of Holies. The high priest alone could pass through this veil and only once a year on the Day of Atonement or Yom Kippur. The high priest celebrated intricate rituals as an effort to atone for the sins of God’s people (Leviticus 16:1-34). Beginning with Aaron, the high priest would bathe, put on special ritual garments and then offer the oblation of a bull. The blood was sprinkled on the Ark of the Covenant. Then a goat was sacrificed. “Thus he shall purge the inner sanctuary of all the Israelites’ impurities and trespasses, including all their sins” (verse 16). Again, the blood was sprinkled on the ark. A second goat was also employed but as a “the scapegoat.” Aaron placed his hands on its head, confessed the infidelity and sins of God’s people and then had the goat released into the wild. The goat symbolically carried upon itself all the sins of God’s people, forgiven for another year.

The meaning here is theologically rich and deep. Remember that our Lord had compared his body to the temple. The veil is utterly torn. Our access to God is no longer restricted but open to all who would approach. The sacrifices of old attempted to do what they could never fully realize: the forgiveness of sins and the healing of the breach between God and man. Jesus is the sacrificial Lamb of God. His blood can do what that of bulls and goats could not. He becomes our divine scapegoat, taking upon himself the sins of the whole world. He offers this sacrifice as both the divine high priest and the sacred victim. He offers propitiation or true satisfaction for sin. The Holy of Holies has been replaced by the one who is the “Holy, Holy, Holy.” God himself has come to save us as one of us. As finite creatures we had dishonored or offended the infinite and almighty God. There was no way for us to repay this debt that we had incurred by sin. Christ in his humanity offers his oblation as one of us and because he is a divine Person he is able to pay the full debt of sin. While this oblation might be re-presented in a clean manner through the Eucharist and by apostolic men who share in his one priesthood; the sacrifice of Calvary signifies that Jesus dies once and for all— he will never suffer or die again. This one sacrifice does what all previous oblations sought to do and which could not. True and lasting atonement is offered. The dead break forth from their tombs. (In other words, since suffering and death came into the world through sin; the faithful surrender of Christ on the Cross brought redemption and eternal life.)
Jessica, on April 4, 2018 at 1:37 am said:

Hello Father, I hope you’ll be able to help me. I am sorry if this is a terrible question. When I was 13 I became very serious about my faith but also developed a horrible case of scruples. I would spend hours crying, feeling hopeless and just absolutely afraid of my own mind. I ended up leaving the church because confession and Holy communion cause such an emotional toll in my life that I simply had to choose between my faith and my sanity. This sadly led me to, ironically, commit real actual sins ( to the point that now I look back and wonder why I ever thought what I was doing then were sins). I made some very grave sins during my time away from the church. Our Lady actually got me to come back, but now I am back at square one. Now I have found myself ruminating over my confession and confessing the same painful sins over, and over again because I recognize that either I left an important detail out, excused myself too much,or just didn’t know how to confess. I am now doubting weather I have ever made a good confession at all during my whole life. This sent me into a terrible panic attacking that has left me unable to sleep, crying almost all day out of sheer despair because I don’t feel capable of making a good confession, and completely afraid of dying and being condemned. I haven’t been diagnosed yet, I am trying to find a way to afford going to the doctor because I realize that I have some things going on ( I am thinking Pure-O OCD, social anxiety, and depression may all be in the mix). I know Inhave sinned Father, I have made huge mistakes, but I am not a monster. I know I try my best to treat people well, but when I tried to make a general confession I felt the need to make myself sound as bad as I feel. The priest yelled at me, didn’t let me finish my pages that I had written and he did recommend that I see a doctor. I wanted to tell him I had just told him the bad things, that I hadn’t told him the good things. The thing is I feel like I’ve sugar coated my sins in the past and am worried of doing it now. Now when I look back at that confession I realize that even there I sugar coated and left a detail I am thinking was important. Now I am feeling the need to go
Back to confession and to try and make the same confession again but shorter this time. The things is, I know I’ll leave something out, I know I’ll look back and find that I panicked and tried to justify myself. I don’t know what to do Father. I am at the same place where I was so many years ago. I feel like there is no hope for me. I am not capable of making a good confession. I don’t know how many of my confessions have been valid in the past and have no idea how to confess a lifetime of sins. I have considered just accepting that maybe he’ll is just something I can’t avoid. I am terribly afraid of confession, of being yelled at or to horrify the priest. Like I said, I made serious sins when I was away from the church. I have thought of putting off confession until I can get psychological help first, but what if I die? Father, I am terrified.

FATHER JOE:

Dear Jessica,

If the priest gave you absolution then your sins were forgiven. The basis for Christ’s mercy in the sacrament is not that you divulge every sin but rather that you come with a contrite heart and that you make an honest effort to confess any mortal sins.

I am sorry that a priest raised his voice to you. I suspect he wanted to wake you up from your scrupulosity. It may indeed signify a disorder of some sort; but that aside, you need the proper appreciation of the sacrament and the mercy of God in the Church. The risen Christ tells his apostles, “Peace be with you,” and “Be not afraid.” It sounds to me that you desperately need this peace and sense of mercy in your life.

When you receive Holy Communion, know that it reflects Christ’s love for you. Jesus wants to nourish you as a beloved daughter. God is not out to get you. He wants to shower you with his favor and life. Trust him and put your worries aside. The Lord can forgive anything and everything. As that he might heal you of your anxieties. Find hope in his promises. The doubts and despair come from the evil one. You belong to Jesus.
Albert r Salanitri, on April 3, 2018 at 5:09 pm said:

Hi Father,
How do I reconcile the comments the pope allegedly made about Hell not existing? I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was either taken out of context or perhaps there was a bad translation. I’m just not sure how much more of his leadership I can take. I know he won’t be our pope forever but it does cause me distress and anxiety. Hope my message finds you well and you’re having a blessed day and once again thank you for your time and wisdom.

Albert

FATHER JOE: Given all that this Pope has said about the need for exorcists and the presence of the devil in our world, I have no doubt that the allegations made about his statement are false. There is no way that any pope and this one in particular, would deny the existence of hell. Indeed, we are now being told that no interview was given. The Holy Father simply has an atheist friend who is apparently somewhat delusional in his old age. This subject is often misconstrued. The Church insists upon the existence of hell (as a manifestation of divine justice) just as purgatory is demonstrative of divine mercy. What the Church does not do is to offer a list of how many and who in particular may reside there. Further, given the presence of the demonic in our world, there is no wall to keep all their denizens inside. (Although it can be argued that the fallen angels are also their own hell or take a piece of hell with them wherever they go.)
Marcia, on April 3, 2018 at 6:55 am said:

Dear Father,

Am desperate and in a dilemma… I’ve also been thinking of ending my life as I am faced with an unbearable decision… my daughters 18 and 20… just asked me that I have to choose between them or my common law for 2yrs… I seperated with my ex 5 yrs ago to get me and my girls away from an abusive environment… I thought all was well between my new partner and the girls but everything changed this year… I don’t know how, when, why it all started.. there have been exchanges of hurtful words between the girls and me and the girls and my partner but I’ve always thought we were able to go past it and move on again… I am feeling traumatized by all this as I’ve been put in a position before where my parents asked me to choose between my ex husband or my parents… I chose love was disowned and was independent from my parents since… after my separation I reunited with my parents and for a time all was good… I have suffered from PTSD… GAD… Depression and bouts of Panic Attacks… before I met my partner… I love my new partner and was really happy and content of how he has accepted me and my girls and have been very understanding and supportive of my conditions. He has become my rock and has plans of getting married and growing old together. He was never married and never had any kids. It was a dream come true for me. My parents and family has accepted him and I thought finally I’m happy. Our relationship was further tested mid last year were I got into a car accident and had been disabled since. He has been taken g care of me and the household since. That is why this came as a shock to me as I tried countless times asking my daughters why they have a change of heart all of a sudden and just tells me that they don’t like him anymore as he’s sarcastic, annoying, always telling them off and needs to mind his own business. The girls tell me their so unhappy in the house with him around and that I need to choose between them or him… to further escalate the matter they went running to my parents bad mouthing my partner and now I have my parents pressing the matter, charging the house, picking a fight with my partner and telling me to split with him… Told my partner what was going on and he just tells me, that all I need to do is tell him to leave and he’ll leave… he is sad about it and that he loves me but whatever I decide on he’ll respect… he doesn’t want to fight with anyone anymore… he has always been a peaceful and calm person, honest and direct to the point…and I am a mess… I really don’t know what to do… I feel so torn up inside… I want to be able to start a new life but at the same time I don’t want to go through the same situation with my family and loose my daughters as well… please help me… Tell me what I need to do

FATHER JOE: Something is missing in the equation. If your two adult daughters and now other family members oppose your relationship then I suspect that something is wrong and needs to be discussed. About what are they “bad-mouthing” your partner? Might something have happened that they have not fully divulged to you? I would urge a frank discussion as to what has happened. (If you are a Catholic and the first marriage was in the Church, an annulment would have to be procured before a sacramental marriage could be witnessed.)
Lauren, on April 3, 2018 at 3:34 am said:

Happy Easter Father! I just wanted to share with you that I feel so grateful for my experiences this Lent. It was a time of spiritual growth that I have not previously encountered. My experiences made me realize what a blessing priests are for God’s people, and now I pray daily for priests in general as well as specific priests I have encountered.

We have a new parish priest who is very young, ordained only 2 years, and he is kind, humble, caring, and challenges us in a loving way to live out our Catholic faith each day.

I attended a Lenten program in another town, and was so moved by the reflections that the priest there shared with us. I was moved to tears by a candle cross ceremony that I had never experienced before.

I attended the 24 hours for the Lord at yet another church in our diocese for adoration and confession. I had never been inside this particular church and it was beautiful!! The pastor of the church just happened to be there for confessions at the time I was there. I have only recently returned to this sacrament after several years away, so it’s still a struggle for me to overcome my anxiety. But, this priest was such a gentle listener, patient, and so kind. It was about 10pm at night, so since there were few people, he spent a long time with me…I actually enjoyed confession for the first time ever…and came away feeling so rejuvenated! This helped me so much in finding peace with this sacrament.

I appreciated all the efforts of my parish priest during Holy Thursday and Good Friday services…I can only imagine how exhausted priests are after Holy Week!!

Then, I was visiting my parents out of state for Easter, so I ended up at a church I chose randomly. I was there by myself since I am unfortunately the only practicing Catholic in my family at this time. The priest here made all visitors feel so welcomed, there was such a sense of intimacy even though it was a large church with a lot of people, and I was so moved by his homily!! I actually wrote down a few things when I got home so that I could remember to reflect on them at a later time. (I can’t say I’ve done that before…written things down after mass!).

Even as I read back what I wrote here, I am so moved with gratefulness!! In a world that can challenge us minute by minute against living the way our Catholic Faith calls us to live, how lucky we are to have priests who encourage us and help us to keep our eyes on Jesus….and who are there to help us when we fail blessing us with God’s forgiveness.

So, no real question. Just a lot of gratefulness. I hope other priests get to read this too, because I do not think we thank them enough for their ministry….which cannot always be easy!!

While I am joyful for the arrival of the Easter Season, I’m actually feeling a little disappointed that Lent is over!! Is it strange to miss Lent? I will miss the extra opportunities that Lent brings. But, I plan to keep up with a number of things I began this Lent and try to continue to grow spiritually and in my faith….and hopefully bring some of my family members along too!!

God Bless.
Lauren
Ronald E Foster, on April 3, 2018 at 1:06 am said:

Greeting: Sir, there is a situation where parents are divorced and their adult son has passed, the Father is catholic and the Mother is baptish. The deceased wanted to be cremated, and his ashes scattered on the water. The mother wants that; however the Father wants the cremains to be but in an sacred place. Is it possible for the cremains to be separated?
Thanks in advance 🙏

FATHER JOE: The Vatican has clarified that Catholics may be cremated but should not have their ashes scattered at sea or kept in urns at home. The cremated remains should be kept in a “sacred place” within a columbarium and/or a church cemetery. Ashes should not be divided up between family members, “nor may they be preserved in mementos, pieces of jewelry or other objects.” Cremains are not usually separated.
David, on April 2, 2018 at 7:44 pm said:

p.s. instead of writing “Assuming no known impediments, the couple could have their marriage blessed by a priest” what I really mean is that the couple could have the new Sacrament of Marriage bestowed by a priest, or however it is correct to word that. If I am correct, before or after the Sacrament of Marriage was introduced, the couple was still married in the eyes of God when they exchanged their sacred vows as Catholics.

Of course if I was in that situation, which I am not (maybe one day, God willing) I would prefer to exchange wedding vows before a priest, instead of doing it privately and then getting it recognized by the Church after the fact.

My main point is that beginning in the 20th century the organizational Church has not been facilitating marriage, it has been an obstacle. I believe this is one reason so many couples are abandoning the Church. I am not speaking of those with canonical impediments. They should not marry without dispensation. As I stated, I wonder who or what is truly behind the 20th century innovations.

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I am not sure what you mean by innovations? Formation for marriage and a six month waiting period is a prudent course when many misunderstand the meaning and duties of sacramental marriage. Catholics who procure a civil marriage are not truly married in the eyes of God and such unions are not recognized by the Church. While necessary in countries where clergy are not delegated by the state, such would be regarded as a sinful act in the United States. When two ceremonies are required, they are conducted in close proximity so as to avoid having sex outside of a true sacramental marriage. The Catholic priest or deacon witnesses the vows for the faith community. The true ministers of the sacrament are the groom and bride. The law of the Church stipulates that this ceremonial must be before a priest or deacon and two additional witnesses.
David, on April 2, 2018 at 6:54 pm said:

Dear Father Joe,

Happy Easter. I experienced a truly glorious Triduum, including the Tenebrae. All was in Latin, except for the homily and the renewal of baptismal vows. The music was mostly Gregorian chant.

It is too bad we no longer get the Triduum period off work. Everyone should be able to experience these three sacred days. It’s only three days in the most holy period of the year. It’s unjust that Catholics are not allowed these holy days off work by law.

I would like to follow up on my earlier question about marriage. I ask that you publish this without editing, or do not publish it at all. Please respect my request.

Here is what I have learned so far about Catholic marriage until the 20th century innovations. I would be interested in your comments.

I think no one denies that marriage is a right unless there is a canonical impediment. There are few impediments and they are well known.

Marriage is a contract between the man and woman. The Church eventually provided a Sacrament of Marriage. (Council of Verona, 1184). The Church wanted to make it clear that the position of the Cathars, which is that marriage and procreation are evil, must be denied. Obviously providing the Sacrament of Marriage is much stronger than merely “blessing” a wedding which has already been accomplished by a mutual vow between the man and woman.

Marriage once required publication of the Banns, in order to give public notice so that anyone who knew of an impediment (such as someone was already married) could come forward.

Later the marriage license came along. The couple had to swear to no impediments in order to get the license. This allowed for faster marriage, instead of waiting for the Banns to be published the required number of times.

Assuming no known impediments, the couple could have their marriage blessed by a priest. There was no waiting period aside from the time needed to publish the Banns or get a marriage license.

Obviously, any delay in marriage may be an occasion of sin, which it is a duty to avoid. As we know, fornication is a mortal sin. It is absolutely forbidden to have sexual relations except when one is married. Once two people have decided to be married, and there are no canonical impediments, no one should stand in their way.

Obviously the whole 20th century concept, or even post-WW2 concept, of the Church getting involved in the decision process, making couples wait at last six months, bringing in marriage counselors, filling out questionnaires about ones feelings about sex, etc., was absent.

I wonder quite frankly who originated this whole concept of 20th century Catholic marriage, including pre-Cana, which is so radically different from our traditions. I wonder who (human or otherwise) was behind it all?

I realize that many will reply as follows. “The Church must adapt to the realities of 20th and 21st century life. Instability, high divorce rate, etc. etc. The Church wants to make sure that the couples have six months at least of guidance, pay for some classes, have other lay people give them advice, fill out intrusive questionnaires, etc.”

In my opinion, this new approach to marriage is one of many examples of how, to paraphrase Pope Paul VI, “the smoke of Satan has entered the Sanctuary.”

I pray that the Holy Father will mandate a return to the process of earlier centuries. Please, Holy Father, restore marriage as it has been throughout the history of our Church.

FATHER JOE:

Given the changes in the world, the older efforts would not work. Implied was that society would reinforce the Church’s values and understanding of marriage and family. Such is no longer the case. Today, we often have to unteach and correct what the secular society has taught our people. This is not easy because our people now come to the Church with a worldly arrogance instead of a faith-filled docility to Church teaching and governance.

I am not sure what you mean by innovations? Formation for marriage and a six month waiting period is a prudent course when many misunderstand the meaning and duties of sacramental marriage. Catholics who procure a civil marriage are not truly married in the eyes of God and such unions are not recognized by the Church. While necessary in countries where clergy are not delegated by the state, such would be regarded as a sinful act in the United States. When two ceremonies are required, they are conducted in close proximity so as to avoid having sex outside of a true sacramental marriage. The Catholic priest or deacon witnesses the vows for the faith community. The true ministers of the sacrament are the groom and bride. The law of the Church stipulates that this ceremonial must be before a priest or deacon and two additional witnesses.

Many if not most civil unions of Catholics before magistrates end in divorce. While we offer a convalidation for a few, many more are dismissed by the Tribunal for a defect or lack of canonical form. This is proof that quick marriages with little or no religious formation is a serious mistake. Divorce is too easy today. Promises are easily broken.

Pre-Cana efforts go back before Vatican II. Observing a growing secularism and early threats to Christian marriage after World War II, many dioceses began to orchestrate formal programs. The Archdiocese of Chicago takes pride in having offered Pre-Cana programs for over 70 years!

The Church does not insist upon long engagements. However, Pre-Cana became increasingly necessary as the society no longer shared the Church’s appreciation of marriage and its obligations. Priests often did instructions prior to marriage. This is not new. Many marriages are permitted today that prior to Vatican II would have been discouraged or denied. Dispensations were not as readily given out. Often a non-Catholic had to convert to get married. Even now there should be no Mass if the couple are not both Catholic. Marriage is a natural right, but it is not absolute. There are certain impediments for which no dispensation or allowance can be made. The period of instruction or formation often proves invaluable for couples as they must truly understand the nature of Christian marriage as its ministers. The period of instruction often weeds out those unions which should not be celebrated. I have had couples break off relationships, realizing mistakes prior to marriage instead of afterwards. The formation period encourages guided conversation on the sacrament, marital expectations and moral values, the good of procreation, the value of prayer and faith in their life together, helping with tools for finances and making a home possible, and the importance of an unselfish communal life over the selfishness and individualism that saturates our society.
Anon, on April 2, 2018 at 5:01 pm said:

Hi,
I was told to pray a rosary as a penance, but does this mean all four sets of Mysteries or just one? If it means all four, do I have to pray one every day, or can I pray one whenever?

FATHER JOE: I suspect he meant one set of mysteries.
James, on April 2, 2018 at 3:09 am said:

Father, I am in a rather awkward situation. I was recently baptized and confirmed. I went through RCIA at my local Latin rite parish; however, I was baptized and confirmed in the Eastern rite.

At first I thought about joining the Orthodox Church. Upon further study I came to realize the truthfulness of the Catholic faith. I visited an Eastern Catholic parish to experience Eastern Christian worship. After the Divine Liturgy I asked the priest how I might become a Catholic. He told me to find my local Catholic Church and join an RCIA program since he did not have one and we could only meet once a month. He traveled a few hours each month to my area for the Divine Liturgy.

Anyway, I went through RCIA as planned and all went well. I learned a lot all while attending Mass in both rites— the Eastern rite once a month and Roman rite the rest of the time. I told the staff I wanted to get baptized by my Eastern Catholic priest given that my first exposure to a Catholic Mass was through him. I preferred a setting somewhat smaller and more intimate. I am rather shy and get anxious in crowds. I drove the two-and-a-half hours to his parish on the other side of my state to get baptized, confirmed and to receive the Eucharist. It went well.

My question is since I was baptized and confirmed in the Byzantine rite does that make me Byzantine rite Catholic even though I was catechized and registered in my local parish. It obviously poses a problem since there is no Byzantine Catholic Church readily available in my area outside of the one I mentioned where a priest only comes once a week. This makes it hard to grow, to learn and to hold fast given that I am mainly attending a Latin rite parish. So here is my question: does baptism and confirmation in a rite make you a member of that rite?

FATHER JOE: It is my assumption that prior to baptism in the Byzantine Catholic rite that you were not baptized and that your father was not a Catholic. Given this situation you are canonically a Byzantine Catholic. However, there is no prohibition in attending Roman rite parishes to satisfy your Sunday obligation. Please note, however, that if you get married and have children, no matter whether the children are baptized in the Latin or the Byzantine rite, they will also belong to the Byzantine or Eastern rite (it follows the father’s line). The Latin canonical laws defer to Eastern laws, but at the time of marriage the wife usually becomes affiliated with her husband’s rite. However, sometimes concessions and choices are made, usually to protect the smaller Eastern rites.
Anonymous, on April 1, 2018 at 5:08 am said:

Hi Father, i went to confession yesterday and after a long list I mentioned that I had some depraved thoughts(was more specific in the confessional} and I also said its all the news and newspapers or something to that effect. Really? As if I’m so swayed by the media!I was just embarrassed and didn’t want the priest to think I was depraved and needed help.Prideful and I tried to make myself look good.The priest gave absolution which i didn’t really hear because I guess my mind was cluttered. When I sat in the pew I thought maybe i should go back and say I was being prideful and making excuses to make myself look good. Instead I talked to an older deacon and asked him #1 about not really listening to the absolution and #2 about the pride thing and trying to look good. He said not to worry that I was fine (paraphrasing}. Today it occurred to me too that I mentioned a thought to the priest that another priest told me that I should always mention in confession. I told this priest that I had asked two other priests and one said the more you try not to think about it the more you think about it and another said just chalk it up to goofy thinking. I’m paraphrasing. My point is I was still trying to look good because I was embarrassed and afraid the priest would really think I had serious problems. By the way didn’t mention to the deacon about this last part because thought of it today. Do you think it is o.k. if I go to Communion tomorrow? Thank You

FATHER JOE: You intended a good confession and received absolution so there is nothing in the way of a good holy communion. (No one could possibly follow what you have written here. I would urge you to copy it and take it to a professional counselor or therapist for evaluation. Do you have issues with processing your thoughts and information?) Take care.
Anon, on April 1, 2018 at 1:38 am said:

please answer ASAP?
I just attended an Easter Vigil that began at 7pm, before sunset. Does this still fufill my Easter Mass obligation? I’m not sure if I should go again tomorrow, on Easter Sunday. Thank you!

FATHER JOE: It fulfilled your obligation. Trust your pastor.
Mike, on March 31, 2018 at 8:55 pm said:

Dear Father,

I have a close friend who I fear is suffering from severe mental illness. She claims she is possessed by a demon, but I fear this is just how she justifies it since we both grew up as Catholics and honestly watched a lot of movies like The Exorcist that kind of glorify demonic possession. I don’t believe she is possessed and I don’t believe she truly does either, but I don’t know what to do.

The problem is since she is convinced she is a demon, she refuses to come back to church and talk to the pastor or even friends. I am torn between begging the Church to send someone to talk to her, but I feel like this would just be encouraging her delusions. There is also the option of involuntary committment to a mental institution, but this is also not ideal and I have no idea about the laws regarding it in our state. She is truly a danger to herself and regularly threatens suicide, and I want to help her but I feel powerless. I’ve prayed about it a lot but I feel like I am not equipped to deal with something this serious.

I guess my main question is do you think this is a Church issue or should it be left to the medical professionals? Or both?

Thank you very much

FATHER JOE: It is not clear from your comment what is going on. You say that she has isolated herself from friends. This is not good. I would take threats of suicide seriously and intervene with medical professionals if possible. Never second-guess self-destructive tendencies or suicidal assertions. Treat them as real and pressing.
Feather, on March 31, 2018 at 8:19 pm said:

I went on vacation and found a pretty white feather and put it in one of my bags to take home but then promptly forgot about it. My wife discovered it months later when we were returning from her grandfathers funeral. Her GF was basically her father and they were VERY close. She viewed this as a sign from God that her GF was ok and looking after her. I knowing full well exactly where the feather came from did not tell her the truth. Was withholding the truth wrong?

FATHER JOE: Who is to say what constitutes a sign? Disclosure would not have changed this.