Ask a Priest

5,442 Responses

Alonso, on August 3, 2017 at 12:29 pm said:

Father,

The other night, I was walking with my friends towards the bar. We passed a man who was walking in front of us, might have been homeless. He did not look like he had a medical emergency. When we passed him, he asked “can you call me an ambulance.” This is where I went wrong. I kept walking, mainly because my friends did not hear him, and they kept walking. I fell a victim of the “by stander effect.” As we kept walking, I told my friends what he said, but they said not to worry, and we kept walking. I looked back to see if he was alright, and it appears he was. Anyhow, I feel wrong for at least not stopping and checking. I KNOW that if I was alone, I would have listened, and called an ambulance if he needed one. I did not wish him any harm when I was with my friends. It was really just that fact, that I was with people, they kept walking, and so did I.

In essence Father, have I committed a grave sin for not having helped a man who potentially really needed an ambulance, and was in a medical emergency?

Thank you Father.
Best,

FATHER JOE: I cannot speak to the gravity of the sin because there are details missing in the narration. But was it a sin? It seems from what you tell me that such was a sin of omission and an offense against charity. Make a good act of contrition and tell your confessor.
Anonymous, on August 3, 2017 at 4:57 am said:

How do you know if you’re close enough to someone to be able to call them out/ correct them? Do you suggest correcting people who are older than you/ in authority over you?

FATHER JOE: It depends upon the gravity of the wrong and the ability of others to understand. An element of Christian witness is to call the world to task about what is right and wrong… particularly about the dignity of persons and the sanctity of life. There is no spiritual caste system where we tolerate the wrongs of certain people but chastise others.
kmmoreno1, on August 3, 2017 at 2:20 am said:

Father,
This past weekend, my wife and I watched a Netflix marathon of Medici: Masters of Florence. If you’ve seen it, then you know there are several sexual natured scenes. Would watching the series be construed as pornography and a grave sin for us both? If not, is this something that should still be mentioned during my next confession? Sex scenes aside, we’ve both traveled to Italy numerous times and watched it for it’s historical value. Thanks in advance for your your guidance.
Mario

FATHER JOE: Sorry, I know nothing about the series.
scarlette, on August 3, 2017 at 1:34 am said:

Father, are you fine with liturgical dancing?

FATHER JOE: Restricting ourselves to Europe and the Americas, liturgical dancing has no part in the Western tradition and can only be tolerated OUTSIDE the Mass. We associate dance with courtship, not with worship.
Anonymous, on August 2, 2017 at 11:27 pm said:

Is jaywalking a venial sin?

FATHER JOE: It depends on the situation and the law. We are obliged to follow just laws.
Anonymous, on August 2, 2017 at 5:47 pm said:

I’m going to a conference where the dress code is casual. At some point, there’s going to be Mass during the conference. Is it ok to dress casually to Mass so that we can dress casually for the rest of the conference?

FATHER JOE: Yes.
Samantha, on August 2, 2017 at 12:31 am said:

My husband had a gambling problem prior to us getting married. When he began using our joint funds and really understood the effect it was having on me he stopped. We had to stop going to places where there was opportunity to gamble for a few years but its been 14 years now without any gambling. Pray for him and have faith his love for you is stronger than his addiction. I agree with father though it needs to be addressed prior to marriage. Once you have joint assets he will have more temptation and opportunity to cause harm.
Anoymonous, on August 1, 2017 at 7:02 pm said:

Hi Father I need clarity if some one had dissociation identity disorder and some one else trigger the alter personality to come out and the person took huge amounts of medication over prescribed dose to make the alter personality weak and numb. Would that be mortal sin.

FATHER JOE: This is just another variation of a question asked before. Mental disease and/or any ailment that causes a defect of the human will will mitigate against culpability.
Anonymous, on August 1, 2017 at 4:52 pm said:

As a follow up, can I dance in a church but outside of liturgy for part of a farewell presentation for a priest that is leaving a parish? The presentation includes dancing to a contemporary Christian song, singing, and acting.

FATHER JOE: Outside the Mass, it is up to the pastor and religious community. Sensibilities vary… but such a dance should not be provocative.
Chris, on July 31, 2017 at 5:19 am said:

Good morning Father. I just want to ask you. Why do I feel guilty and dirty after doing masturbation? Is that psychological effect or what? Thanks.

FATHER JOE: You feel guilty because you are guilty. You have committed a serious sin.
Anonymous, on July 30, 2017 at 10:56 pm said:

Is appropriate dancing inside the church but not during a liturgy acceptable?

FATHER JOE: When would you dance inside a church outside of liturgy? The question is culturally dependent. We do not dance as worship in Western Christian culture.
Anonymous, on July 30, 2017 at 7:46 pm said:

Is it superstitious to keep your Bible open to Psalm 91 for protection?

FATHER JOE: Yes, it is superstition. That is not the purpose or the value of Scripture.
Jenny, on July 29, 2017 at 8:24 am said:

My boyfriend preaches to me a lot but last night he was drinking and gambling in a casino and also took winnings from a bet that wasn’t even his! Whenever I mention he is addicted to gambling he says a priest told him it was ok as he’s not hurting anyone or getting in debt (he is in debt)! We are engaged but I fear we can not get married as he gambles. I just want him to understand gambling is a sin?

FATHER JOE: Gambling as a recreation is not intrinsically sinful. However, as with drinking, it can quickly become sinful and self-destructive. It can also become increasingly addictive. It sounds to me that it has passed this threshold for him and that would make any and all gambling wrong for him. Not only has he placed himself in debt, but he has resorted to stealing. He is gambling away any hopes the two of you might have for a happy and secure life together. Speaking as a priest who prepares couples for marriage in the Church, I would be reticent to witness the vows of a couple where a spouse suffers from such a problem. It may be hard to hear but I would suggest placing any marriage plans on hold until he can be weaned from his gambling problem. The two of you should be putting away savings for your life together as a couple and family, not squandering everything in the hopes of getting quickly rich or the thrill that comes with such an addiction. I will keep the two of you in my prayers today.
Sophie, on July 29, 2017 at 1:07 am said:

Hi,
I see an image of you holding the Eucharist on this website. Are Catholics supposed to do anything special when we see an image of the Eucharist, because it is Jesus?

FATHER JOE: At church, Catholics are on their knees. But, of course, while our Lord is the sacrament, he is not a photograph. Religious images are treated with respect, but not worshiped.
Anonymous, on July 28, 2017 at 2:13 am said:

While working at the library, where what I shelve is sometimes inappropriate, should I push the books farther into the shelf and flip them around to hide them? This would be a form of disobeying my workplace, however, and perhaps a way of breaking a contract of obedience to them. I think I’ve gotten caught by coworkers for doing this in the past, as well.

FATHER JOE: Just do your job.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 11:02 pm said:

Is it wrong to listen to contemporary Christian music for entertainment?

FATHER JOE: It depends upon the particular piece of music.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 10:58 pm said:

I use a medication for a non-harmful skin disease. It’s uncertain whether the medication messes with fertility. Can I use this medication as long as I don’t directly intend for it to mess with fertility? There is another medication option for the disease, but it takes up more time and energy. Both medications have a small chance of causing skin cancer later on. Which medication should I take, if any?

FATHER JOE: If you are not married and chaste then current fertility is inconsequential.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 10:53 pm said:

If I don’t pray the Rosary or Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary every day, should I still wear my scapular?

FATHER JOE: It is up to you but why wear a religious symbol if you are not going to pray?
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 10:52 pm said:

Is it superstitious to think that blessed or non-blessed medals protect you?

FATHER JOE: Only if you think the object is magic, sacramentals invoke God’s intervention in our lives.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 10:50 pm said:

Is it ok to raise your hands or hold them out in the Orans position in Catholic charismatic praise and worship settings?

FATHER JOE: Yes, I would say so, but it is your choice.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 10:49 pm said:

Is it ok to pray over people while holding out your hands as if blessing them?

FATHER JOE: Personal blessings are okay but they are not priestly or Church blessings.
Anonymous, on July 27, 2017 at 4:04 pm said:

I work at a library where I have to shelve some inappropriate material. Most people are saying it’s not a sin to shelve it because I have to for my job. However, I don’t financially need this job. I want to quit but my parents don’t want me to. Would it be wise to quit without my parents’ approval, or should I keep working there?

FATHER JOE: I would say that you should probably keep working at the library.
Bob, on July 25, 2017 at 2:06 am said:

If spouses attempt the marital act but the husband turns to masturbation afterwards as a last resort, has he committed mortal sin?

FATHER JOE: The subjective element of sin is between you and God, even though the material element is grievously wrong. The complication is that the act was attempted and passion was aroused. This affects judgment and self-control. When the will is compromised, many sins that would otherwise be mortal might become venial because of mitigating factors.
Anonymous, on July 23, 2017 at 8:16 pm said:

If I don’t remember whether I promised God I would do something or just made it a goal, am I obliged to carry out the act?

FATHER JOE: It all depends as to whether it is peripheral or constitutive to your overall discipleship.
Michelle, on July 22, 2017 at 9:57 pm said:

Father,

My husband and I (both baptized Catholics) got married in 1996 in a Catholic ceremony but my husband never actually recited the vows to me. The priest said “repeat after me” and started with the vows ie “I, John, take you Jane” and my husband didn’t say them. And the priest didn’t prompt him either. Then when it was my turn next, I repeated the vows after the priest, and then my husband realized that he was supposed to have said them. He wanted to go back but didn’t feel like he could interrupt. My husband said he wanted to practice this part during the rehearsal the night before but the priest said it wasn’t necessary. And then after the wedding we were caught up with all the photos and celebrations and we never brought it up to the priest, who sadly is now deceased I have wondered about this for years and am wondering if our marriage is considered a valid marriage and if we are receiving the graces that we should have received? We have had and continue to have a very difficult marriage with past adultery, pornography and neglect of the marriage on his part, and I wonder if we have missed out on the graces we need for this marriage.

Thank you.

FATHER JOE: I hesitate to second guess what a deceased priest did or did not do while he was still living. Are you sure that your husband did not whisper the vows or substitute “I do”? Catholic priests do not perform weddings; rather they witness them for the Church. The Orthodox churches place an emphasis upon the priest, his blessing and the crowning. Roman Catholicism emphasizes vows that establish a covenant relationship (sometimes minimized as a contract). Both also place gravity in the consummation or the becoming one flesh— the union that is open to procreation. While there is growing disparity between the definition of marriage between the Church and the State, civil marriages follow the lead of the Western churches with an emphasis upon vows or promises. An argument might be made that the vows were implied. However, I had an annulment case many years ago that hinged upon vows made by an American in a Portuguese wedding service. He did what he was told to do and parroted words that he did not understand. He was not sure what constituted the vows. Here is a case where the words might have been unsaid. I have a hard time imagining that a priest did not get some form of consent, even if only a quick “I do” or “Yep.” In any case, if the marriage is hurting, then you should both seek healing. If the marriage is in any doubt, a convalidation would first require the repair of dysfunctional elements. You certainly married in good faith and I suspect the graces of God would reflect this truth. Couples marry themselves, and having fulfilled the ceremonial requirements of the Church and State, the union has been affirmed every time you shared your love and the marital act.