Years ago I knew a young man who battled drugs and alcohol. After getting into some trouble and a car accident, he entered a treatment program. He met a nice girl and he seemed to vastly improve. However, he had merely transferred his dependency from dangerous substances to her. An immature personality, he was unable to postpone the objects of his desires and pleasures. He could not save money and moved too quickly with the romantic relationship. Within short order they were having sexual intimacy and he was urging her to cohabitate with him. The girl became increasingly resentful of his dependence upon her and lack of self- control. While she was fond of him, it was questionable what he brought to the table of their relationship. Everything revolved around what he wanted and his needs. He isolated her from family and friends, being intensely jealous. His possessiveness was threatening to suffocate her. They became engaged and she was at odds as to what to do. She felt responsible for him. His relationship with her had become his chief source of security and what gave his life meaning. His sense of being grounded was attached to her and he acted as if he owned her, sometimes speaking and acting violently when he did not get his way. She tried to bear the situation but matters grew worse. Every time things seemed to get better there would be a relapse. His immediate family and friends would take his side and became enablers for his irresponsibility and problems. They regarded his girlfriend as a means to keep him in check, regardless of what it might personally cost the young woman. When she tried to exert herself, he would become moody and depressed. Eventually matters reached a breaking point and she terminated the engagement. It was probably the most loving thing she could do. He was not ready for what they might have together. He had to face his issues instead of using their relationship to compensate for them.
I wish I could say that things turned out well for the young man I talked about. But he resisted God’s grace in his life. He had a hard time believing that he was lovable, no matter how many times we told him. I moved on to another parish. One day I received a phone call that he had committed suicide. I came back to bury him. The church was filled with his family and friends. The crowd demonstrated the love many had for him but which he refused to see.
Filed under: Discipleship, Sexuality, Sin
Dear Fr Joe,
Yesterday, Alexander Bede Walsh was in court here in UK. He was sentenced to 22 years in prison. And yes, he used to be a Catholic Priest, and yes, he abused young boys, and yes, at least one of those abused has committed suicide. He claimed that all were trying to discredit him purely for compensation, and right up to the time they took him away he continued to lie and deny any wrong doing.
Sadly this awfulness is not yet over, there are still many to be brought to task here on Earth, and we know the terrible warning from Jesus Himself when He says that, for those who are in position of trust and instruction over little ones, if they abuse that responsibility and cause harm to the little ones, then it would be better had they never been born.
Every event which brings into public light the terrible abuses by some men, and women too, causes me to cringe and remember some awful experiences of my childhood at the hands of those trusted ministers of Christ’s Church, Every day something like this hits the news I am back in the struggle to be at peace with my Church. I just hope that this man, who was trusted by many, will spend the next 22 years living in constant fear and suffer the terrible abuse from ‘good’ inmates that have only committed crimes against the state rather than against God’s little children. I hope that he is torn limb from limb while he lives out his life here on Earth, and then has to face his maker at the Final Judgement. I hope that he rots in Hell.
For some victims of evil there is no happy ending here on Earth anyway, but for those perpetrators of terrible abuses of trust I hope there will never be a happy ending. So I too am a victim in another way as I am unable to forgive them and their ilk, especially their protectors within the higher echelons on The Church. May they too rot in Hell.
This latest public news has unsettled me somewhat, but I will still go to Mass tomorrow, God willing.
Paul Brann
As our Lady told Bernadette at Lourdes, there is no guaranteed happy ending for anyone in this life, only in the next.